50 Poems That Reveal Everything By: Tatum Hostetter
Table Of Contents I. In A Fit Of Rage, I Took My Life II. We Have Both Made Mistakes III. She Did It For Attention IV. When We Talked About Her V. Somersaults In Heaven VI. Whatever Helps With The Pain VII. Did You Find What You Were Looking For? VIII. This World Isn't Big Enough For The Both Of Us IX. What A Dream, He Is X. He Might Kill Me XI. In The Midst Of Evil, I Found Comfort XII. As I Was Falling XIII. To Anyone Who Has Hurt Her XIV. You Left Your Laundry On The Line XV. The End Is Near XVI. This Is Beauty Too XVII. You Are Painfully Lovely XVIII. She Lives In The Darkest Parts XIX. Throwing Up Words Of Sorrow XX. When Writing Was Easy XXI. To My Best Friend XXII. An Indecision To Last A Lifetime XXIII. A World Belonging To Her XXIV. A Lot Hasn't Changed XXV. An Excerpt For Healing XXVI. The Blood Is Thawing XXVII. You Wouldn't Last A Night In My Bed XXVIII. There Is So Much I Haven't Seen XXIX. The Longest Day Of My Life XXX. When I Felt The Most XXXI. I'm Willing To See You XXXII. Come And Find Me XXXIII. Confessions Of Submission XXXIV. The Composure Of A Maniac XXXV. I Need An Anesthetic XXXVI. Somebody Is Taking Care Of Him XXXVII.I Know Where I'm Going XXXVIII. They Are Otherworldly XXXIX. Tribute To My First Heartbreak XL. Something Is Keeping Me Here XLI. Take Me To Heaven XLII. Razor Sharp XLIII. It Must Be Time To Move On XLIV. There Is This Dream I Have XLV. Somewhere Only We Go XLVI. It Has Caught Up To Me Now XLVII. Does He Know I'm Aching? XLVIII. To My Sister XLIX. There Is Only Room For So Much Healing L. A Cruel Ending
In A Fit Of Rage, I Took My Life
Is everything falling apart or falling into place? Is this where I'm meant to be? I'm sinking gently into this unforgiving sea.
I know there is a world beyond this one, There is a forever out there that belongs to me. I'm crying out for god's help, but he has a hard time listening.
There, to strike a match is to decide to do something, Why can't I commit a crime worth committing? My friend, I have lost everything. An old, familiar friend came back to devour me.
This time I'll stuff them in my mouth one by one, I'll count them like snow white sheep. I'll drop my head back and cradle the sun, Next time, I'll see you in my eternal sleep.
Where have I gone if there is nowhere to be? Tell me, how is the sweet world right now? Has everyone forgotten about the damned by which I'm deemed? Don't worry I've seen you from my cloud; I know I left and it wasn't easy, I know I left and it hurts to miss me.
We Have Both Made Mistakes
I wish you'd had shared the cloud in your head I could have watched it fall away, I could have melted it That's where all of our monsters go, Where our hopeless desires lay to rest, Where our compassion and our kindness become irrevocable. Where our fears reveal themselves and long to be confessed.
I see you leave your eyes behind you When the day begins faithfully, lawfully, as it's supposed to. I see them ripped lid by lid They fade, they wear away, they thin and tear in two But you're still there.
You're still my beginning, my love in a fictional world, my inevitable curse. I wish you'd still take my hand when my brain strays and whirls. I wish you'd hold me in the dark, in distress With your arms painted in memories. But they don't hold me anymore, They've only got room for your red cigarettes.
Do you ache the way I ache? Do you love to see the angels pry at me? I forgot how to love someone, I forgot how to be.
She Did It For Attention
It must be nice To be a pretty girl. Everyone lives for you If you're dreamy and wrathful. It must make you happy To always be right, Even if the planets Aren't in a straight line. Even if this world cracked open, And everyone fell through. They'd pile themselves high, In order to save you. You're such a doll, They say, you're too kind. But no one really sees you at all, do they? Isn't that tiring? To be that beautiful? Doesn't it burn to know, That nobody knows what you really want? Does anyone look through The windows of your eyes? Or are they struck only By what they see on the outside? It must be exhausting To have everything you want. But when you find joy in nothing, It doesn't matter, does it? The hardships are unforgiving, If no one will listen. I wish you wouldn't crawl To the kitchen while sobbing.
I wish you wouldn't pull the switch, So that the darkness swallows you whole. I hoped that you wouldn't hit the wall, While rocking back and forth. You're the ugliest you've ever been You have never felt so thin. You bite your lip Until your arm begins to sing. Until the blade finds the love That took so long coming. You smile weakly, and see what you have done. It's three in the morning, Maybe you'll watch the sun One Last Time.
When We Talked About Her
When you talk about her, I think I know her I can see her standing there. She's in her world, a world you don't belong in anymore. She's bright and terrifying, she's lovelier than I am. And when she dreams, she fires her gun; She keeps her eyes on you, and aims at the sun.
I think I see her in flower pots, On a Sunday morning, in a fallen, unspoken gloom And when you tell me that you miss her, I think I miss her too.
I'm sick of never being Her, She's the graceful, timeless girl in films, Her lips will part and ears will go numb. They'll settle for a single word, or just a worthless sigh. But never me.
I've got a glowing high, It'll last for just a moment, Then it'll own me. It'll take over me completely. Then it'll strip away my thoughts and secrets, And it'll ruin everything.
All I've got are needles, All I've got is a burning itch It would take a war to love someone like me I understand why you'd keep away from it.
But do not say it to calm me, It is a thousand miles from the truth But when you tell me that you love her, I think I love her too.
Somersaults In Heaven
And it hurts to not hurt at all, I've used all my silver coins I tossed them down the wishing well. Now all the silver stars are mine.
I'm dancing wildly beyond the lilies, I've used the lilacs for my crown. And now the pills have made me dizzy, I'll sink to the daisies and lie down.
As I carve your name in my favorite tree, I wish you'd spin me around. I wish you'd fill my throat with poison gently, Then dip me lovingly in the pond.
Do you think they'd miss me? I'm catching fireflies in my heaven. I'm hanging from the eucalyptus tree, And counting all the blades I've hidden.
The man I love, he's mine for now, I never thought he'd kill me. But it doesn't hurt much anymore, He's locked away my body forever, He placed flowers in my hair and kissed me.
Whatever Helps With The Pain
We keep them in our pockets, In the corners of our purses, In a bottle with fake labels, in the spaces in our lockets.
It hangs around our pale, bruised necks, A gold chain that shines and promises Something better. Something to get us through the day.
We're snorting glitter, We're peaking on a shining beach. We take one before we sit down for dinner We take a few before we sleep.
We understand that we are not understood, It is all that makes us happy, But coming down from a place so high up Is never worth that choice.
We wish we could go back, To the beginning of the night When the world had paused for just a minute, When room goes dark and our eyes grow wide.
But none of us are happy, We weep, we fall so far below. We crash, but none of us can help it Letting go is not an option.
We love hard, we abuse whatever we have found, But it's not our fault, it's no ones fault.
Our lives are complicated, We can stop whenever we want.
Did You Find What You Were Looking For?
The bathroom floor is cold, she says Someone has swept it with an old broom And the blood is spread about around the tiles.
They are gleaming, they have never looked so magical. She is tracing a sharp edge against her fingers, The tears are dripping, and the room is spinning.
The light above her body, it has become cold It's fading. Someone forgot to look for her, The red paint has dried around her feet.
Do you imagine that she's smiling? I bet she is, I bet she's flying. She's soaring about the house.
The hole in her head is far too hollow to fix, And the gun lay useless beside the bathtub. When they finally found her, They must have said, "What a beautiful ending. What loveless life, I hope that she has found what she was looking for."
This World Isn't Big Enough For The Both Of Us
There's nothing like a promising forever, Until you rest your head on the cold cement And decide that sleep is better.
I love a boy who doesn't know who I am. I'm trying to understand why it was so easy, To tie myself up and fall under him.
He only sees me when he's had too much to drink. And I know it's selfish of me, To wish that he'd think of only me.
When the universe has too much to offer, Beautiful women tend to circle Around the pleasure he gives off.
And then I'll lie under the sand With a heart wrapped in tin foil, And my knees clenching under my hands.
The moon is falling, How am I supposed to be okay? How am I supposed to kneel down and pray?
I'll get on my knees for something else. I'll lick the disappointment from my wrists, And the world will cringe at my expense.
It's so romantic when the needle finds its way back to me. When the world stops turning Just to be sure that I'm still breathing.
And when I ask it not to, When I plead a painful ending to the madness, It takes away some of the clutter and sweeps it under the carpet.
So I'll hide the knife in my back pocket, Please take it away Tell me there's a reason to live another day.
Promise me my happy ending, Have all my fairy tales been too tall? Someone has sliced off the soles of my feet, Now all I do is crawl.
What A Dream, He Is
I am spitting out heartache, Just to shove it down my throat. Love doesn't come easy anymore.
I am tying rope Around my bruised and beaten wrists, I hope he never sees me likes this.
I dream about his gentle hands, The way they bend around my bones. Is the breaking worth losing everything I have?
His two eyes, I think I've seen them floating high, I think the angels were offended The way they brightened up the sky.
I dream about his headstrong mind, The way his words fill an empty room. I've never heard something so pretty, Until he spoke of his own gloom.
He Might Kill Me
There's this boy, Who moves with the moon, and hangs by the stars. He proclaims peace with himself, and knows what he wants. But he is as broken as I am, And I think he knows it. What kind of love can kill a man? Doesn't he just stumble and fall? Doesn't he dry his wounds, rip off his blisters, and carry on? There's this boy, Whose eyes flicker in the darkness, and long to be loved. I can't fix him, no one can. But I'll listen closely, I'll take his hand. I'll lead him out, And hope that he'll say, "There's a place where we can go, Where the water is clear, and everything stays. Where heartbreak is just a show, Where nothing is unknown." There's this boy, Who plays his instrument well, He tugs violently at the strings in my chest, But love him, I never will. There's this boy, Who is beautiful, Who helps the wind breathe with everything he says. But he'd split my heart in two, He'd ruin me for good.
In The Midst Of Evil, I Found Comfort
My bones are no more, My bones are sawdust in the drawer. I spread them over the dying leaves at midnight, I sprinkle them like salt along the floor.
I keep them in my candle, They burn like lavender in the morning. They smell like the kiss of a thousand evils, They ponder the unknown and deem it boring.
I bottle them up in a flask of whiskey, I bury them beneath an empty grave I watch them dance with demons surrounded by fallen empathy, And plead for the soul I couldn't save.
The dark man has them now, He's putting them to use. He hurts, he scorns, he plows He hides them far beneath his roots.
I resent, I long, I love them And though they sent their kindness away, They dream and pray for redemption But couldn't find their way.
As I Was Falling
My soul he can have, my god, he knows all that I have done And he loves me with his hands tightly around my neck. I adore his hair that falls so neatly in a mess of dark ash and obsidian. I lose my mind in the black holes of his eyes, And take refuge there for fear of him taking them off me. As his lips part to talk about something wonderful, there is a diamond in his mouth, And I feel obligated to grab it and hold on. We do not talk about pain anymore because there is none, And the planets know where I am and float where they need to be. I follow his lead as he asks me to guide the way, But I hold his hand instead and we walk at the same pace with the same feet. Then he smiles at me and I see his head go somewhere else, since he knows he doesn't belong here. In this mess of people, where fear of death comes to my mind, but not his. Where fear is comfort. He does not need this world. He does not need these people, These things that are little for he is more. He is beautiful for lack of a better word because there isn't one. He belongs to an eternal fire that does not scorch him, but keeps him warm. I will meet him at some space in time and tell him I couldn't find my way home, Until he came along and gave me a place to sleep. And I will stay there.
To Anyone Who's Has Hurt Her
She has put the voices in my head to sleep, The power to dispel whispers from the brain And into the trees.
She hides beneath and behind thin shadows. Where the gargoyles speak, And the fairies, they're hanging, They're singing from the gallows.
She's dancing naked around a quiet fire, Tossing and throwing as she goes, Leaving her weaknesses like rose petals behind her.
No wonder I never see her anymore.
You Left Your Laundry On The Line
In your absence I found peace in time,
I surrendered to a black hole and lost my mind.
Laying feebly amongst a wicked rogue,
You only praised the dolls you owned.
Your words were always drenched in honey and wine,
You left your laundry hanging on the line.
They reek of nostalgia and bitter endings,
You left the garden and my heart to tending.
As the moon hung high from its string in the sky,
I peeked down as you left your laundry on the line.
I wish to douse them in gasoline then flick my match,
In hopes that decay will bring you back.
The End Is Near
I'm ready to die, I'm ready to go away. I'm ready for warmth to fall down on me To cover me up To keep me from freezing Under the cold hands of mortality. I am in no condition of living, And shooting myself down Has to be some form of giving. Filling a void has never been so simple, Than to drown myself Peacefully in a heart made of nothing. Than to give myself away, To a man who needs his space, Don't worry I'll find whatever I need, Somewhere far beneath the ground, Somewhere else.
This Is Beauty Too
Look at her body, isn't it nice? Are bones as beautiful in the mirror As they are in real life? Do you have a goal? An aim to be just like her? You're hurting yourself, girl But I promise it'll be worth it. Oh, you're hungry? Eat an appleNo, have some waterNo, have some cardboard. You'll be okay. Grind your teeth against some metal, It's better than being hungry. Have a cigarette, my love You're doing fine. You're almost there! Please don't cry. Don't find comfort in the kitchen, Find something distracting. Put a bandaid on your throat You'll feel better in the morning. Oh, baby, you're wasting away, But you smile anyway; You're saying you're okay. I know it's difficult to live like this, When the world demands for you to change. I love you endlessly, But you've forgotten about yourself. That's the biggest mirror I've ever seen, As I watch myself floating in the water surrounding me.
Oh, my love, you're so far from okay, You're picking at your scabs, you're pinching your thighs You're dying everyday.
You Are Painfully Lovely
There is so much to see in the spaces around me. Watch as I gouge out my own two eyes, So that day would be night, and night would be blind. Watch as I take a hammer to my knees, With bruised bones and a handful of teeth.
Somehow it still feels as if I'm collapsing, In a burning room, where have the windows gone? Maybe if I wait a little while longer, The ash from the floor will make me stronger. Who is standing behind me? Who is stroking my hair? Why is it so difficult to go somewhere?
Maybe I'm dreaming, Maybe I'm walking on this endless cloud. The sky goes on for miles, I'll walk with you till God throws us out.
Promise you'll keep me all to yourself? Tie my wrists behind me, love When you ignore me is when I adore you the most. Hit me until my eyes are shining.
Then the blood will reach my tears, I swear I can see heaven from here.
She Lives In The Darkest Parts
She is hollow in all the best places Around her neck, under the eyes, in the pit of her throat But they are just spaces. Just empty dreams that fall beneath her sky. Oh, how she saunters, How she buries her own whispers in the soggy ground. Oh, how she abuses, uses, and gets away with murder. Do you know her? She is fragile, wounded, but only seen if you look closely. There, in the cold and dusty atmosphere, She waits, she floats and sings desperately. She pretends that you're watching, that you're near. Then she'll remove her beaming eyes and say, There is comfort at the bottom of the bottle There is solace in a switchblade. There is love in a syringe, And the pills, they make her softer, But you can’t stop her. You can’t stop her.
Throwing Up Words Of Sorrow
How may I understand the world If love depletes, falters, and bends when it's weak. I am far from home In this timeless nothingness, Where the heart is fondled And the darkness is dressed in gold.
Why don't you open your palm, And I'll find somewhere to sleep I'll always see your way, despite if it be wrong Despite if i may weep.
Why don't you share your bleakest sorrows, I'll wrap them around my sores I'll stick them in my mouth. Maybe they'll stay there, maybe they'll heal.
When Writing Was Easy
He is the wake of a shining pool. There is something dark in the back room--something I think he can only see. He's beautiful at dawn and when dusk takes him away from me, I bet he's beautiful when he sleeps. I devour the words from his sweet mouth like candy, and when he spits them out I'll swallow them too. He belongs to an underworld of terror and beauty and I hope when I find that place, he kisses my mouth and hits me where it hurts. Everything is for him. Fires burn for him, trees cut themselves down to give him rings. And in the midst of cruelty, he is calm and soft spoken. I will hold his hand when his wounds bleed and close up. And when he leaves, I'll tear mine open.
To My Bestfriend
My best friend, She loves hard, and it never pays. She'll sit outside the door of your house, If it means she may listen in anyway. She'll take the needle from your hands, As you've stabbed your left eye pretty bad. Then she'll jab two perfect holes in hers, And let you know that it doesn't hurt.
My best friend, Has a way of losing her mind, In the way that she thought you loved her In the way you promised you'd never leave. Now all she does is hover. If you take your shot of whiskey, And fall over yourself quite completely. She'll fill five cups of gasoline, Then turn to you and drink it.
My best friend, She worries that you've forgotten fast, That you've taken all she had leftThat you've spit all over it, And thrown it in the trash. She's gone through a pack in three days, Just to keep from aching, I've watched her eyes go somewhere far As if they are nearly breaking.
My best friend, It's been awhile since she's been warm,
You took that from her too, You took everything and the sun. I bet she's watching for you now, As you go on and forget the past. But you left a soul who couldn't help, But want everything to last.
An Indecision To Last A Lifetime
She hasn't been broken, she hasn't fallen far,
They look like empty, sore steeples They'll only break you for a moment, They'll only leave you feeble.
A World Belonging To Her
When the ground breathes and the stars seep from her eyes There are no choices anymore. The universe folds into an envelope and lies at her feet, Addressed to her. If she chooses to throw it away like an old bandaid with the blood dried up You cannot take it as your own, Because it is no longer yours. You love the way she steps on flowers, since they hold themselves high for her. The weeds thin, and fall away from her, yet she yanks them up like an old gardener who yearns to keep his land lovely. You curse her, spit at her, and you resent her existence entirely, You say she is nothing. Yet you stay close because she is everything You love her hard. A love that is rough and aching. It cuts you open, swallows you up and spits you out like you're no good. But you hope she's okay. Isn't that fucked.
A Lot Hasn't Changed
Time flies when he's chopping you to pieces. Doesn't it? Do you ever get hurt anymore? Maybe you just stopped healing, since you're body depends on your razor blade now. Who gave it to you? Does satan ever visit you here? In this broken flat with the windows gone and the roof leaking? I bet he likes it here. He loves to see you hurt. He told you that, didn't he? I think so too. I think you like the slicing, and the throwing. You think the blood's good for you. It's therapy. He won't want you anymore once you've become whole. You tell him it's not possible anymore, but that's not true is it? God likes to peak through the curtains, He likes to get a good look, and you don't mind it. You'll tear them both apart, you know. Because you don't belong to either of them. You're the living, the eternal, and the damned all in one hopeless twist. That will be the ending. You're going to bury us in his hell fire, and you won't think about it for a second. You're unworldly. You're ethereal. You're never satisfied, but that is beauty.
An Excerpt For Healing
I think heartbreak is difficult to understand. I think about it like this. I get in the car, my friends car. I It's going fast, really fast, but we're just going straight. We're heading straight for another car and i can see it in my head. I can see the crash and my body failing. I think heartbreak is just that. I think it's sitting in the passenger seat, picturing shards of glass striking you in every sense possible. There it goes, your entire world is ending and you're wondering if you care or not.
The Blood Is Thawing
There are eerie voices here, they speak only when you plead them to. They pile your fears in between the bookshelves, And creep in your ebbing wounds. Do you know the dreary--the rawest part? Their dire, torn faces watch reverently with their hands clasped in awe. They'll laugh and rage, but you'll continue. You'll pry and scrape them out with god's metal spoon. Will the tearing stop? Do you wish it to? They know the blood thaws here, they seek all the cards you use. Has he locked the door? Is there time to run far? The walls are beginning their revenge; They dream of your bones hanging from the ceiling, You'll dissolve peacefully in the dark.
You Wouldn't Last A Night In My Bed
There is a manWhose name I cannot say, Who creeps fearlessly behind the fence, He waits patiently till the end of the day. Attached to me, he's a sinister presence.
When the clock is silent, And I cannot hear it Since I've lost my way in a dream. He crawls on his knees quite effortlessly, And picks away at my seams.
I am too afraid to turn my head, For the nightmare seems much too real. He feeds off my anxiety, His mouth is watering for a meal.
It is the running that I cannot complete, I lie duck taped to my bed in fear. The shadow man has all my weaknesses, He stuffs them violently in a jar.
Maybe if I may look away, For an attempt to call out some god's name. Maybe the monster will go if I pray, Maybe he'll cry out from demonic hate.
But each night, he waits for me. He walks on his tip toes carefully. He pines for me as I sleep mindlessly, One day he'll carry me away.
There Is So Much I Haven’t Seen
I fall in darkness, I fall in love. There are taps at my window With soft voices and knocking, When the angels reach down and hold me. The skies open up, Devouring me Shaking steady grounds, And I am waiting. Where is the man With fire in his hair And secrets in his hands? I am screaming for he's everywhere, With cuts on my wrist and bloody teeth. I can see him laughing As he's looking down on me. I can only hope That he doesn't leave me.
The Longest Day Of My Life I've been nostalgic all my life it's always been the longest day I've been wondering why It's never gone away. I've been trying to figure out What Wendy wanted And why her lover was so stubborn, To see and understand pain. I've come to my close, As the revolving doors Turn faster And there's nowhere to go. "It never gets better from here" It's difficult until it isn't. I'm melting away from my sore past But it's all I really wanted. What am I left with? The sad song of my childhood? A crush who mirrors my being, Only to fall away with everything else? there is this sad edge That I grip with my teeth. it's only getting easier To see what's creeping from beneath. I see an elder in the water, She's reaching out, She cannot breathe. She's struggling, she's drowning. How hopeless is she. She never had a chance, This sad and desperate woman. She's batting her eyes at me.
When I Felt The Most
He'll take care of me, Like he always does. He'll come home, When he's finished chasing the moon. I'm going to fall under him as he tells me I can go. And I'll hold his hand When he's apart and he unfolds. Wrap me up in something hopeless, I'm used to fate that wavers and is false. I feel closer to god when I am alone, But nothing is simple if he goes and is gone. There's time to heal There's time for blood I pray to a force I have time for both.
I’m Willing To See You
I will follow you into a tunnel without an ending, Its an ugly place, it's difficult to see. There are rats trailing secrets behind them, They only tried to help, they only tried to warn me.
But the god I can't see, he must have said, "If love was a person, I have made him here, He stands tall in the shape of good and evil, His dreams cloak him in passion and desires, And he is worth a thousand of my stars."
So I will follow you and tread aimlessly in the dark, If that means that you will take me as I amAnd though our worlds are scarcely far apart, I know that I have found it.
Come And Find Me
Please come and find me I am not somewhere small or compact, I am not hidden away in the walls, I am not behind the kitchen sink.
I am not in the ground, Or the leaky basement below the floors. I am not under the bed in my room, Nor the attic near a music box.
I am far away On the other side, Watching loved ones whistle as they clean, Watching old friends pass through time.
I am furthest from human connection, In a never ending pit where the rain goes. Where the sun sinks peacefully to the bottom, Where the ashes from the burnt trees blow.
Please come and find me, It's too dark and morbid for me to see. There are figures everywhere. They lick their lips blissfully; They're tired of being hungry.
Confessions Of Submission
I like it when he runs a shining blade across my chest, and it's sharp surface seems to dance along my skin. I like it when he beats me incessantly with his angry words and his strong arms that hold me down till I can't take it any longer I like it when his air is the only air I breathe It will last I swear to god he won't leave me, not until I'm dead The lights flicker, you bet they dim lower and lower, but they won't go out. No, not until his fingers crease around my neck and his knuckles become yellow. They won't go out until I struggle, but he likes that. He likes the way my eyes roll back. He can do that because he's capable. He likes to see me weak on the molded floor. He says that's where I belong. I know that. I like it when he says I'm worthless, I like it when my cheeks begin to burn from his tired hands as he smashes my face against the kitchen sink. That's his favorite, when he draws blood, and forces me to lick his hands clean. That's my favorite too, when the metal hits my teeth, and I can't help but taste it and watch the shy grin on his face. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me so.
The Composure Of A Maniac
you’re pressing my head against broken tiles. my breaking bones, my dry lungs; you say they sound like home to you.
your wrathful screams, they hold me there. They fill up my ears with hot water, but I do not burn. I am happily strung by malice and mayhem, I am laced with eternal pain and suffering.
There are the skeletons, they have awakened, They haunt me now. They feed on forgiveness and dried blood. I am stitched with barbed wire, my eyes are shut.
I am the quick breath before you scream, I am the damp floorboards near the windowsill. I am hurt, i am nothing at all. I am beautiful.
I Need The Anesthetic
I do not feel love not even a heartache of bleakness, but only the lacking color of a white room. It is not solemn, only wanting. There is no depth, and the walls are thin and damp in the corners.
Somebody Is Taking Care Of Him
Crazy how the moon moves While I'm perfectly still. How my sight returns, And my eyes follow you.
Such a dream To hear you say my name. The way you beam, The way you fade.
I know it's hard for you To see me this way. Please understand That it is impossible To be okay.
You are a burning house. You are a dangerous game. But you make me feel There is a way out.
Such a dream To taste the regret you feel. I will never see the gleam. It does not belong to me.
I Know Where I'm Going
I am spinning in a field of bodies, They look blue, and their eyes are white as cotton. I wonder if they are thinking About the dying world they left behind.
I am dancing in a box with no windows, with a rustic ceiling, and there is nowhere to go. I'm hiding my knives in the garden again. I promise you'll never find them.
I am not insane, only knowledgable, I know more about the universe Than a man at the pearly white gates. Than a woman who has witnessed a miracle.
I have planned my ending so carefully, God won't see it coming, The devil doesn't know yet, but he's waiting.
I worship the swaying Spanish moss, It hangs like heads from the ancient tree. There are bodies in the fields around me, They hum along with the wind to remind me.
They Are Otherworldly
I am dancing alongside every branch and wisp, The fairies are charming up their victims, They are flying hastily and puckering up their lips. How could anyone resist them?
There is a magic deep inside these woods, Where spirits of the night fall beneath the black sun. The creatures feed on sage and heaven's dew. They leap and flee, but never run.
Their unusual song will go on for miles, As they try to win their lovers. It is enchanting as the siren's calls, They draw me near their immortal whispers.
They are tailoring the sky, And throwing white pillows in the air. This big blue blanket is far too wide to float by, They are preparing for a long rest up there.
There are some who whistle from the underworld, Dragging their claws against broken mirrors. They raise their loved ones from the earth, I hope they'll release me from my curse.
Tribute To My First Heartbreak
I miss him because I cant remember being one person. I miss him when my eyes become full, And I need to tell him why. I miss him because he listened In his own way. I miss him because he knows what I've known. He knows where I am in my head And he follows me. He did. He doesn't anymore, yet I still miss him. I'll always miss him, But he no longer looks at me. I'm scraping my knees, I need something. I want knives in my neck, Blood on my cheeks, And I want what is after this. I want to fall away with the dead as if I belong there, This place is no longer inviting And it would be sick of me to call it home.
Something Is Keeping Me Here
The sun keeps finding more ways to keep me. Her rays reach down with her glowing palms, She sets her body down to greet me. She keeps me warm at dawn.
When the black of night spits out the moon, There is a somber color in the dying trees. There is an eerie wind that's breathing hard, No, I think it's screaming.
Yet the push and pull of good and evil, Has an entirely different power. The sun and the moon are always dancing, At their final hour.
Take Me To Heaven
I want him to cut me, saw me in half. I want to feel nothing but the sensation of crimson running down my body. I want to taste iron between my lips as he rips them apart. I want to feel nothing but helpless and only for him. I want to trust him with my life as I watch it slip between the blade and his hands. He could break my arms, he could blacken my eye. He could be the only thing standing between myself and the door to not knowing. I wouldn’t love him any less.
Razor Sharp
There is so much beauty In a pile of metal. There is so much shelter In a bowl full of scissors. As I stick my arm in either one, It's a dice I roll Each time I've won. Maybe one day I'll be set to lose. It's a game with myself, And I alone choose. Maybe one day I'll stop gambling with what's mine. I'll find a home In my own tragic crime. Maybe one day The demons will let me alone, They'll cease their torment And I will be whole. There is so much hatred I have for myself, I wish they would bother Anyone else.
It Must Be Time To Move On
But there is blood dripping from my finger tips, I wish I could tell you how to stop it. You're the only one who really sees me, In the midst of all my chaos.
You're a sweet humming in my ear, As I breathe a spoonful of snow. My eyes will roll back and then I'll hear, Your voice breaking as you go.
My hands keep shaking, I'm dropping every bottle from the cabinet. The shards of glass can't hurt me, The liquor on your lips, a soft lavender.
Don't you ever think of me? The way I move from world to world, All this time, I've been used to tearing; You're a warmth to dismiss my cold.
There Is This Dream I Have
You must be living on the same ground that I stand on. It doesn't make much sense that I have found someone Who has seen the same things that I have. Who has a reoccurring nightmare And we're both afraid.
Is that why you're so far away from me? I see your arm extending To a far away place with mermaids surrounding Most everything you've touched.
You've left the screen door open, Just to keep me waiting. But the grass is dying in my front yard, No time at all to water it.
Your heart is an empty room There's no sense in arranging it. If there are no chairs to be comfortable, Why do I feel like a stranger here?
So humbling as I've lost all my power, You've taken the plug and swallowed it No longer any magic in my hands. I am human now, I am okay with that.
If you are here, so am I. You die for the opinions you have. I know my hands are small, But I'll keep you alive in my palms.
Look at all the gentle trees below us They'd fit you perfectly, my love. They'll entangle you in their winding arms They'll keep you far away from harm.
I promise.
Somewhere Only We Go
Let's lie under the moon, In these deep blue woods. You're counting all my bruises, And they are all for you.
Let's press our bodies against diamonds In the rocky caves above the sea line. Trace your finger against my veins, They look like ivy in the summer.
You radiate light from the soft dew on tree bark, Your whispers like rain as you speak. Your wavy hair falling into burnt umber, The oak branches scraping at your cheek.
Carry me away on your golden chariot, I'll lick your wounds and bandage your sorrows. Let's pour red wine on our knees for fun, We'll tie black bandanas around the sun.
How did I find someone so sick and twisted? Deep beneath where the forest buckles. But he's so charming, he breaks my skin. He drills holes in my head, I kiss his knuckles.
It Has Caught Up To Me Now
He is pulling at my skin with needles There is no time for healing. This is everything. Everything I have is lost in a strike of a match. There is no time for burning, Only wailing and dozing off Into an eternal sleep. Where the birds have gone. Into a ticking clock at midnight Where the circle has been locked. And I am on my knees bidding A sweet good night until the morning. If there is one. If only I could point my finger into time's pocket And steal its change. I suppose that's wishful thinking. What am I without time? I am a dying dandelion, I am a floating cloud. I have disappeared into the atmosphere. I am riding through the air Into my own unknown.
Does He Know I'm Aching? This world is made of liquor and nicotine. It's made of depression and anxiety. It keeps finding it's way back to me. It's drenched in wine and gasoline. I guess I've found my home, Behind the paper on the wall. I suppose I've never been alone, But why doesn't he ever call? Why do I sob over what he's not? What he could never be? He's got an eternal beauty, Why can't I find my bearings? I'm tired of being cruel to myself, I keep bruising my chest. It shouldn't be like this.
To My Sister
My love, you are beautiful No matter what you do. No matter what you decide, The angels are dancing and singing They are saving a meadow For you one day. You are my soulmate, My sister in all dimensions. You are dreamy and kind. You open your eyes even in the heat of night You inspire me to be okay. I know it's bitter to go on, I know this nightmare is suffering. I'll be here, Even if you're falling into a bottomless well. I'll throw a vine to reach you I'll make sure this earth is safe for you. My darling twin, The love of my life. You're so sweet to every being. You're so gentle to the wind. You ache for the people who say nothing. You ask for nothing in return. I promise I have a home for you. In my heart, there is a bed of lilacs There are lights from my hands, My legs will hold you up from your demons My body will keep you warm forever. This universe doesn't deserve your compassion. don't you ever feel alone, We have each other. I would take a knife to bleeding skin I'd poke my sore eyes blind If it meant that you could live all over again.
There Is Only Room For So Much Healing I carry all this sorrow, sometimes I grow tired of walking all these miles. Not a soul ever promises me a sweet divine tomorrow. I wonder if the god in heaven Listens when I speak, When I plead to whoever is listening Do you think he ever dreams? I am distraught with the burdens of love but crave it's every sound and weakness I wish that I could be good Just to lure and tempt him. But I am too high, In my prison of a sky. I have broken all my wishbones I've torn out all of my eyelashes. And I am still here waiting, For anything to come true. I'll continue waiting for you.
A Cruel Ending There is this boy who brings courage to the tip of his tongue, but it is hard for him to put his finger on it. He is so gentle with his words, he wants the world to understand him in one moment he's spoken to it. He longs to be wanted, but it's difficult for him to understand others, it's difficult for him to fall in love properly without the consequences he has no control over. He cannot give without taking too much, but craves human connection as we all do, as I do. He stands so vividly in my dreams I can almost reach out for him, but the shadows of his past consume him, and I am alone. I wish that I could be enough for him, in the way that he needs to be. I wish that I didn't ache for the things he could never give me. That's not his fault, he is much too beyond this dying world to settle for someone as human as I am. I'd like to say I've figured him out but that's much too broad of statement. His entire existence is an avalanche to my own. God must have sent him to help me understand myself, and that's all. Nothing more.