How Harry Potter Should Have Ended By Taylor A. Malkus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsYWT5Q_R_w
Taylor A. Malkus (407) 739 - 1962 tam09@fsu.edu
Cast of Characters Dumbledore:
Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft
Prof. McGonagall:
Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft
Hermione Granger:
Friend of Harry Potter
Ron Weasley:
Friend of Harry Potter
Harry Potter:
Boy who defeats Lord Voldemort
Prof. Snape:
Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft
Lord Voldemort:
World’s most dangerous dark wizard
Neville Longbottom:
Friend of Harry Potter
Nagini:
Lord Voldemort’s pet snake
Luna Lovegood:
Friend of Harry Potter
Seamus Finnegan:
Friend of Harry Potter
Prof. Gandalf:
New Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft
Dobby the House Elf:
Friend of Harry Potter
Tom Riddle:
Lord Voldemort in his early years
Wormtail:
Lord Voldemort’s servant
Cedric Diggory:
Friend of Harry Potter (MORE)
Cast of Characters (cont’d) Bellatrix Lestrange:
Death Eater
Sirius Black:
Harry Potter’s Godfather
Draco Malfoy:
Death Eater
Rubeus Hagrid:
Ground’s Keeper at Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft
ACT I Scene 1 Enter DUMBLEDORE and PROF. MCGONAGALL (DUMBLEDORE takes his place at the podium in the Great Hall, stage right. Spotlight.) DUMBLEDORE Welcome, everyone, to Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft. A place, I assure you, is safe for children and has absolutely no history that might threaten our entire existence. But, there is a huge killer snake downstairs. And a giant vicious three-headed dog, and a tree that can kill you, and man-sized spiders that can eat your face. And... Enter PROF. MCGONAGALL (Slide in and push DUMBLEDORE over, take the podium) MCGONAGALL (Flustered) Thank you, Professor Dumbledore, that will be all. As he was saying, welcome to... SPOTLIGHT, STAGE LEFT Enter HERMIONE GRANGER, HARRY POTTER, RON WEASLEY, STUDENT EXTRAS (Cringe from dripping candles, HARRY holds book over head) HERMIONE These candles are dripping wax, everywhere! (Students screaming) House lights cut off, cue "Harry Potter Theme Song.""How It Should Have Ended" graphic shown on screen, center stage. Cut music. CURTAIN DROP. Scene 2 Enter HARRY and Hermione center stage, RON stage left. (HARRY and HERMIONE face curtain, spotlight. Curtain raises. They see their past-selves holding a necklace draped around their necks. Walk into center stage as past-selves disappear. Ron laying on hospital bed, stage left)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
2.
HARRY That time-turner’s fantastic, Hermione! You should keep it forever. HERMIONE Alright. HARRY No, really. It’s too valuable, you have to promise to keep it! HERMIONE Okay, I promise. HARRY (Exasperated, shaking HERMIONE) Hermione, something might conveniently destroy all the time-turners making that the last one. You’ve got to keep it! HERMIONE I promise I won’t get rid of it! RON (Exasperated and confused) What the bloody hell are you two talking about? Drop House lights. Spotlight, stage right. (Enter WORMTAIL, holding VOLDEMORT. A flash of green light as WORMTAIL kills CEDRIC. CEDRIC falls to his death.) Spotlight, stage left (Enter BELLATRIX, SIRIUS, AND HARRY. A flash of green light as BELLATRIX kills SIRIUS. SIRIUS falls to his death.) Spotlight, center stage (Enter SNAPE, MALFOY, and DUMBLEDORE. A flash of green light as SNAPE kills DUMBLEDORE. DUMBLEDORE falls to his death.) Spotlight, stage right (Enter HAGRID, HARRY, and HEDWIG on flying motorcycle in the air, above stage. A flash of green light as HEDWIG is killed. HEDWIG falls to her death.) Spotlight, center stage - front (Enter RON, image of HARRY and HERMIONE kissing, shown on screen behind RON.) (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
3.
Spotlight, stage left (Enter HARRY and DOBBY. HARRY holds a dead DOBBY in his arms and screams.) Spotlight, stage right (Enter SNAPE and NAGINI. SNAPE is bitten by NAGINI and holds his neck, dying.) Cue House lights (Enter HARRY, center stage, pointing to a dead infant - VOLDEMORT.) Cut House lights Scene 3 Cue House lights (Enter VOLDEMORT, stage right, and HARRY, stage left. Cue red and green strobe lights. Both HARRY and VOLDEMORT are on their knees.) VOLDEMORT I’m going to kill you, Harry Potter! I’m pointing my wand as hard as I can! HARRY What is it gonna take, Tom? You tried to kill me once as a baby, and it didn’t work. VOLDEMORT I’m going to destroy you! HARRY We’ve beaten you like four or five times already, and I just came back from the dead! VOLDEMORT La la la la, I’m not listening. Too busy about to kill you! HARRY You are insane! And now we’re about to kill your pet snake. Lower House lights. Spotlight, center front. Enter NEVILLE and NAGINI (NEVILLE dives through the air, cutting off NAGINI’s head)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
4.
NEVILLE I’m awesome! Cut House lights and spotlight. Cue House Lights, red, and green strobe lights. (Enter VOLDEMORT, stage right, and HARRY, stage left. Both HARRY and VOLDEMORT are on their knees.) HARRY It’s over. VOLDEMORT It’s never over. Avada Keda... (Enter SNAPE, stage right. SNAPE shoots VOLDEMORT in head with pistol. VOLDEMORT falls to his death.) SNAPE Ahhh, Muggle weapons. (Throws aside pistol) HARRY Professor Snape, you’re alive! SNAPE ’Course I’m alive, you twit. HARRY But how? You died right in front of us. SNAPE Magic, duh? I’m a potions master and a double agent. Obviously I had a back-up plan. I’ve been drinking Honey Badger anti-venom ever since I’ve been hanging around that ridiculous snake. (Holds up vial of anti-venom.) Enter LUNA, NEVILLE, and SEAMUS, stage left. NEVILE AND SEAMUS Whoa! LUNA Honey Badger just takes what it wants. SNAPE And I think we’ve already established that I can heal bleeding injuries. Now, Mr. Potter, if you will bring me your invisibility cloak and Ms. Granger’s time-turner, there is one more thing I must do.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
5.
Cut House lights. Cue House lights. Enter SNAPE, HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE, center stage. (SNAPE stands to the side. HERMIONE and HARRY hand invisibility cloak and time-turner over to SNAPE.) HERMIONE Professor, you realize if you do this, you can’t come back? SNAPE I am well aware of the risk and consequence, Ms. Granger. RON You’re gonna have to turn that thing at least two-hundred thousand times, sir. SNAPE Then you best not make me lose count. Eh, Mr. Weasley? RON No, sir. HARRY Good luck, sir. SNAPE Goodbye, children. (SNAPE begins to turn the time-turner.) SNAPE CON’T One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Cut House lights. Cue Harry Potter Theme Song, video screen located stage left reads "262,000ish turns later." Cut music. Cue House lights. (Enter SNAPE, HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE. HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE are sitting, stage left in front of a fire. SNAPE is kneeling, stage right, still turning time-turner.) SNAPE (Exhausted) Two-hundred sixty-two thousand twenty-nine, Two-hundred sixty-two thousand and thirty, Two-hundred sixty-two thousand thirty-one. Got it! I got it!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
6.
Cue white strobe light, then cut House lights. Drop Curtains. Scene 4 Raise curtains, cue House lights. EXT. Wool’s Orphanage. REMOVE OUTER GATES, STAGE RIGHT Enter younger DUMBLEDORE and TOM RIDDLE, center stage (DUMBLEDORE and TOM are sitting in TOM’s room.) TOM I can make animals do what I want, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people, if I want. I can make... Enter SNAPE, underneath the invisibility cloak. SNAPE Avada Kedavra! A flash of green light. Tom falls to his death. DUMBLEDORE What the? (SNAPE removes invisibility cloak.) SNAPE Ha ha ha! DUMBLEDORE What is this? SNAPE Take that, you dark lord! (Laughs victoriously) DUMBLEDORE (Exasperated) Why would you do that? SNAPE Evidence Removal. (Exit TOM, stage left) (SNAPE breathes a sigh of relief)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED:
7.
DUMBLEDORE Who are you? SNAPE (Out of breath) Oh, sorry about that. Just, uh, saving your life, in the future; as well as countless others. (Takes a deep breath) SNAPE CON’T It’s a long story. Cut House lights. Cue House lights. SNAPE No, I mean a really long story. Like so long, if we wrote it all down, it would take up at least seven books. DUMBLEDORE Or eight movies. Drop curtains. Scene 5 Raise curtains. Enter DUMBLEDORE center stage, standing at podium, and PROF. GANDALF, stage left. DUMBLEDORE I’d like to introduce our new teacher, for Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor Gandalf. GANDALF You shall not pass! DUMBLEDORE Well that’s a little harsh. Classes haven’t even started yet. Drop curtains. The End