What I Never Said‌ By: Taylor Brooks
“Sometimes it takes the relationships that don’t last forever to teach us the lessons that will”
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Table of Contents For You…………………………………………………………...4 Lost…………..………………………………………………….…5 Hey Stranger………………....……………………………......6 I’ll Keep Dreaming……...…………………..……………….8
Liar Liar………………….…………………….……...……….. 9 Sorry, Wrong Number…………………………………….
I Didn’t Want To Be Right…………………..……………11 Awkward Encounters………………….……..…….……..12 Insomnia………………………………………………………
Subject Line……………..…………………………………….
Asshole………………………………………………………….. Just Kidding………………………………..…………………. Put My Name At The Top of Your List………..……..
The Little Things………………………………...……………
Progress………………………………………………………….. For Me……………………………………………………………..
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For You, All of those emotions and words Left unsaid are written here. Writing each thought, feeling, Or memory that came to mind Was my therapy during these times. Just as you were my therapy When we were together. No matter what is said here Whether the words are out of spite, Or fear, or loneliness‌ Know that I don’t regret anything. Losing you eventually led me to Find myself, and that Means everything to me.
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Lost Your eyes stay burned into my mind forever like a tattoo etched into my skin. They were your shield and held every secret you tried to hide from the world. I loved the way they shimmered when the sunlight hit them directly. And the way that they shifted to the left when you were telling a lie. No matter what I do, I can’t shake them. I can’t shake you.
Your arms were my blanket on a cold winters night. They protected me from the cruelty of the world. So tell me, where do I run to now? I know every single detail of your face. And how you got that little scar above your left eye when you were in the fourth grade. You told me things that you had never told anyone before. I realized that I knew you better than you even knew yourself. But I certainly didn’t see this coming.
There was no gradual change, no time to react. One day, you told me that we were permanent and the next we were suddenly done. You looked straight into my eyes with an expression that I couldn’t read. I think we should break-up.
Without a second glance my way, you turned and walked out the door. You left me broken and bruised on the floor. My life crumbled into a million jigsaw pieces that I am still trying to fit back together. How am I supposed to do that when I can no longer see the image on the box? I’m still hurt, confused, and can’t seem to let go. But one thing’s for certain. The girl you once knew and claimed to have loved is gone now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to bring her back.
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Hey Stranger I’ve been going through some hard times Since our break-up. I feel so alone, And I don’t know what to do anymore. You were more than just my boyfriend, You were my best friend. I know that is a cliché, but it’s the truth.
Trust me, I tried to drown out my feelings With endless Taylor Swift songs, And tubs of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Yeah go ahead, call me pathetic. I can just see you rolling your eyes at me right now, But I really don’t care. It’s not like this will ever make it’s way to you. I’ll never have the guts to send it Because I’m not going to be that girl. The girls that I call desperate because They are still hung up over their ex Who hurt them badly and Spend every waking moment Trying to get them back. Regardless, I still need to talk to you Or just be around you. I know that’s not going to happen. But your presence alone Used to brighten my entire day. No matter what I was going through. I am in desperate need Of one of our Friends marathons. You would always tell me that I Was exactly like Monica because I was too uptight and every time I would tell you that it’s better than Being lazy like Chandler. Then we would joke about how we Were going to be like them When we were married. I still don’t understand what changed. But that’s obviously another story. One that you know the ending to. 6
Speaking of stories, I ran into That old lady who works at the gas station. The one that would always comment On what a cute coupe we were. She asked me about you. When I told her that we were no longer together, She started telling me about her famous daughter. This time it was a story of how her fiancé of a few years Went missing and they still haven’t found him. Somehow she made a tragic story hilarious. I don’t know how this related to you, But you know how she is. I almost texted you about it But then I realized that we weren’t together. There are so many things that I wish I could talk to you about. Things that I know that you would find funny. No one else seems to share my humor, But you. I’ve been through all the Kaleidoscope of emotions. But today, I just missed you As my best friend. And I think these are the hardest days of all.
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I’ll Keep Dreaming
I saw you again. When I closed my eyes. Your shimmering baby blues Stared into mine. We were in your truck. Just talking about everythingYet nothing at the same time. I was curled up next to you, My head resting against your chest. Just like old times. You told me that you loved me, And I lifted my head, locking my lips with yours. It took you by surprise and we almost crashed. You yelled at me. I just laughed And whispered I love you too in your ear. Suddenly, you were pulling over. And we were making out. Giggling like schoolgirls the whole time.
The laughter faded slowly Along with the image of us together As I drifted out of sleep. Reality set in, And all I wanted to do Was fall back asleep. I wanted to pretend For just a little longer That you were still mine.
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Liar Liar Your words are a song. I’m mesmerized by the melody. I catch on quickly, Repeating the lyrics to myself. The song is captivating. I find myself believing every word. Your angelic voice blinds me from reality. But then the tune changes. I don’t recognize who is singing anymore. Promises are left as just words As your song comes off repeat. And I’m finally out of your trance.
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Sorry, Wrong Number I see your number Appear on my phone. How are you? But you obviously don’t care. I mean how could you After you left like that? I almost text you back, But I know that I can’t. You don’t deserve to know, And I can’t afford getting sucked Back into your games. I know how it will end.
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I Didn’t Want To Be Right
Remember the first day we met? Gosh, I was so nervous. There was just something about you. Maybe it was your Shaggy brown hair, Sparkling hazel eyes, Shimmering white smile, Hooded grey jacket, Faded light wash jeans, Scuffed black vans, Charming personality, Infectious laughter, or Optimistic attitude. I knew I was in trouble even back then. Damn, that seems like a lifetime ago now. I was so naĂŻve and you were such a player. I guess some things never change.
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Awkward Encounters So I saw you today. It was the first time since that day. It caught me off guard, seeing you. You looked good. Not affected in the slightest. I guess I should have expected that. I mean, you were the one who broke up with me. I’m not sure what the rules are for these situations. I figured it was best to not say anything and keep going. But then you looked up, And we locked eyes. And I looked away. I was mortified that you caught me watching you. I didn’t want you to know that I still cared. But I would’ve given anything to know what you were thinking. You know, it’s funny how you can go from being with someone every second of the day to not seeing them at all. It makes you spend all your time imagining what the next time will be like. And that’s what I’ll be doing. Waiting to run into you again.
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Insomnia
Alone in the darkness of my room, My mind races to you. What are you doing? What are you thinking? A car passes my window, Remember the many summer nights? Our music blasting loudly. Our voices singing badly. Waiting in the driveway, Never wanting to go inside. My phone lights up, Remember the endless texts? Our constant sarcasm. Our never-ending emojis. Beaming from your instant replies, Never wanting to go to sleep. I find myself waiting for you To call, text, come over, Something. But you don’t.
Seconds, minutes, hours pass. I guess I’m starting to realize… You don’t want me back. Not this time. And that hurts.
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Subject Line
I sit down to write and find myself staring at the paper and clicking my pen. I’m trying to think of something to write that isn’t about you again. Why do I feel like there is nothing else going on in my brain? Why does everything have to remind me of you? It’s driving me insane! I spend so much of my time thinking about you. Why can’t I just forget everything and move on too? Our relationship runs through my head constantly, continuing to haunt me. Anymore, it’s like the memories are all I see.
I’m ready to move on completely and forget about how you once made me feel. But I know that trying to write about anything else just wouldn’t seem real. Even now, you’re the subject of this rhyme. I guess that it will just take some more time. Now I’m left sitting here, impatiently clicking my pen. I can’t think of anything to write that doesn’t involve you, but here I go again!
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Asshole Are you kidding me? I know you can’t be serious. Wait a second… Let me get this straight. You break up with me. But then you suddenly want me back into your life after all this time, but just as a friend? Do you know how long it took me to let you go? You do, don’t you? Just as I’m moving on, you decide to pop your head in. Well you know what? Screw you! I can’t be just friends with you. You have to know that. You have to know that you caused me so much pain. I need to move on completely and I can’t do that with you in my life as a friend. And why are you saying you want to be friends now after all this time? You didn’t say that the day you walked out my door. Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind! My heart can’t survive any more of your games.
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Just Kidding I’m totally over you. I know I’ve said that before, But I mean it this time. Seriously. Like if I see you out, I won’t even look In your direction. I don’t care what you’re doing. Obviously. Maybe that will make you Feel like shit instead. Trust me, it doesn’t feel so great. Asshole. Oh shit! You’re here.
Really? You have to wear That sweater? The one that you know I love? Really? Damn it! You caught me looking. Again. Don’t do that sexy smirk at me!
And you just happen To have an itch on your stomach? Yeah right. Those blue eyes though… And that second day stubble… Shit! Here we go again.
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Put My Name At the Top of Your List Forever Hoping, Yearning, Wishing, Praying, That you’ll come back to me. Forever
Slapping, Kicking, Punching, Cursing, Myself for still wanting you after everything. But I can’t help it. I’ll forever be waiting right here, For you to realize what you gave up.
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The Little Things Our song came on today. I couldn’t help but listen to the lyrics And wonder what changed. It was just months ago When we would belt it out, Mocking the words. We would end up crying From laughing so hard. Do you ever remember These moments when the song comes on? Do you look back and smile? Or do you cry? I think it depends on the day for me.
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Progress Today, I realized that it does get better in time. I don’t think of you as often as I used to. I’m still waiting for the day that I look back And smile. Maybe that will never happen. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments. Like when everything Seems to be going wrong. I curl up in my bed, Sobbing into a pillow With your jacket on. You were the only one who knew My deepest darkest secrets. I can’t share them with anyone else. So I use your jacket for comfort. Not like I would ever admit that to you. Those days are happening less often now. I’m starting to feel like I can breathe For the first time since you’ve left. That may seem dramatic, but For a girl going through some of The toughest times in her life, It’s the truth. Each day brings new challenges But I think that I am finally ready To face them without you by my side.
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For Me Looking back now, After all this time has passed, I realize I don’t regret anything. Trust me, it took a while, But now I don’t curse your name, Or think of you every second of the day. I’m finally clean.
Losing you made me realize That I had lost who I was When we were together. I transformed myself Into the person that I thought You wanted me to be. I didn’t know it at the time. But then I was left alone and I didn’t recognize The girl staring back at me in the mirror anymore. Well, I’ve gotten the chance To get to know who I am Without you around. And let me tell you, I like that girl a lot.
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