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Opinion Wanting air time amid a wall of words

Idon’t know if teeter-totters exist anymore. Remember them? Two people sit on opposite ends of a board, with a support in the middle. They start at the same height, facing each other, with legs extended. One person pushes up while the other bends his or her legs and gets closer to the ground. The one on the bottom pushes off, while the one on the top heads toward the ground.

The image seems like an apt simile for conversations.

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In one-on-one conversations, these interactions sometimes involve prolonged periods when one person is on the ground, and the other is stuck in the air, waiting for the speaker to stop talking so he or she can come to the ground and share some thoughts and reactions.

I have had numerous experiences where it seems the teeter-totter gets stuck in one position, much more often than not with me dangling in the air. Yes, I am a decent listener. No, I don’t hear or register everything my wife or anyone else tells me. I do, however, have an ability to listen to a meandering story that includes many detours, recitations of facts that aren’t germane to the main thread of the story, and to self editing. To wit:

“It was a Tuesday that I lost my dog.”

Somewhere along the lines, I wonder what happened to the fine art of conversational teeter-tottering, with a predictable and relaxing back-and-forth rhythm.

The stories from another person continue, with one bleeding into the next one so endlessly that I feel like I’m listening to excerpts from several different books on tape.

As I listen, I wonder what my role is. Clearly, the other person doesn’t want or need to hear much from me.

I sometimes wish there were a swimmer’s clock behind the person’s head, which would allow me to time the minutes between sounds like “uh huh,” and “oh yeah,” and “really? no way! That’s terrible/wonderful/amazing/ ridiculous!” lists of chores in my head, wondering who didn’t give this person a chance to speak when he or she was younger.

An actual pause periodically arrives. My toes dig happily into the welcome sand beneath me, reveling in the auditory opening.

I don’t want to wait too long to say something, because people aren’t always comfortable with quiet, which can restart an ongoing monologue.

After I express an idea, or sometimes just a phrase, I feel my body ascending back into space. Wait, did I not make it clear that I wasn’t done? How am I dangling above the ground again?

BY DANIEL DUNAIEF

You see, one person talks, while the other listens, and then, the listener becomes the speaker and the speaker the listener. Such simple descriptions don’t work in group dialogue.

“No, wait, it was a Wednesday and it wasn’t my dog, it was my cat.”

“No, no, it was a Tuesday, and it was neither my dog nor my cat, but it was my car keys. The point is that I lost something before I found it. That was also the day I got a new job”

It’s the Mad Libs version of listening to the same story, or a variation of that story, while throwing in the appropriate, or sufficiently irreverent, adjective.

I raise my eyebrows periodically in response to the tone of the person’s voice, going through

Suspended in mid-air, I suppose I could consider those moments as the equivalent of listening to a bird singing a repetitive tune echoing among the eaves.

Perhaps in the future, we can create a verbal shorthand when we feel we’ve lost conversational balance. Maybe, we can just say “teeter-totter” when we need to speak.

As I drive along the local roads, the sight of the bright yellow forsythia, the symphony of pink cherry blossoms, dogwood and magnolia and the yellow daffodils waving” hello” uplift my spirits and bring me joy. Yes, it’s spring, glorious spring! And the weather could not be more cooperative. We have been able to shed our heavy jackets, sweaters and such, and even give our air conditioners a brief trial run when the temperature hit the high 80s and stayed there for a couple of days.

BY LEAH S. DUNAIEF

Best of all, we know this splendor is early, and the beautiful season, when Nature festoons the earth, is just beginning.

At one and the same time, the news about human activities blackens the world. Every day, yes every day, we wake up to the news of more mass shootings, more homicides. Because a teenage boy rings the bell of the wrong house on his errand to pick up his younger siblings, he is then shot to death. Because a car full of teenage girls pulls into the wrong driveway, shots are fired at the vehicle as it is trying to back out and one young woman is killed. Because yet another unarmed young man tries to run away from the police at a traffic stop, he deserves to be murdered.

What is happening to our country?

These horrors are occurring because people are afraid. Unless he has cognitive issues, why would an 84-year-old man answer his door with a gun? Why would someone inside a house shoot at a car that just entered the driveway unless they were terrified for themselves. This is more than a mental health issue, which might be blamed for shooting up employees in a bank. This is about cold, petrifying fear.

Thank heavens that Nature goes about her business transforming the earth into a paradise because we humans need something to offset the hell we are creating. People are asked if they are afraid for their children to go to school. To school, which was always the safest place to get children off the streets. Now more than three quarters of the parents say, “Yes.” And so do more than half of the children in elementary school and middle school. Never mind COVID-19 and inflation. They are passing, or will eventually. But the violence that we are living with? That just seems to be getting worse.

What can we do? We know that bad things happen when good people do nothing. But how can we improve our society?

One answer, I believe, is to turn to family and community. Strong family support and a tight-knit community offer security that is close at hand. Parents who let their children feel the love, who set standards and limits, who teach values by example and talk to their children about fears, who are there when most needed — these actions go a long way toward offering meaningful response to a frightening world.

For us adults, meeting the neighbors and creating a Neighborhood Watch for mutual protection is both a safety and social advantage. Participating in one of the many local nonprofits, from Rotary to the civic associations and PTAs in the schools to the historical societies to actually running for office can strengthen a sense of belonging and empowerment.

And then there is kindness. I’m not sure how one goes about teaching kindness except by practicing it. Kindness offsets bullying, it makes both the giver and receiver feel noticed and valued. Who has time to visit a sick neighbor? But then, we all have time to hold the door open for the person behind us, and for that person to thank the door holder, or to let the car waiting to join the line of traffic enter in front of us and in return see a thank-you wave.

And there is always Nature for respite. A walk in the park or along a beach can be restorative. Nature, too, can be violent, but storms pass. With effort and focus, perhaps human storms can, too.

AwardWinning Newspapers

Rob Alfano

Year After Year

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