The Loss of a Father: Effects and Lessons Christiana Ogbuezi

THE LOSS OF A FATHER

EFFECTS AND LESSONS

Nonfiction by Christiana Ogbuezi

Oh, death who art thou? You sneaked secretly into the homes of men causing havoc that not even an eternity can solve. If only you will learn what you did when you snuffed out the light of my family – my dad.

You did not just take him; you took everything we thought we treasured so much. You took him so early when we are about to need him so much for everything in our life. You altered the trajectory of my family leaving us standing at the edge of a high water fall with virulent wind blowing from every side. Why? Sorry, I can continue and even drift off the point

I want to make but cannot overstate that the demise of a close family member not only leaves an unfillable hole but also can alter the entire of one’s life and reshape one’s overall life experiences. How much more is that even true for the pillar of the home — a true center that anchors everything together; a beacon that trusts the home in the direction it should steer — and the “General” of the home whom I am certain would have fought you to a standstill had you for once not resorted to cowardice and faced him physically. Just like any other day at school, I finished the day waiting on my mother who usually was never late in picking me up. But I always envied my friends in school who usually waited a longer time as they used that period to play at the school playground. So alas, today was my day. I played and

played, had so much fun that I got exhausted, that one of the teachers noticed me and took me inside. I relished the extra time I had to play. But in the midst of the fun and happy moments, I never knew that what have delayed my mum from showing up early was the beginning of gloom that I never knew existed.

My mother received the awful news of the passing of my dad. He died from wounds sustained in a deadly crash. In fact, he died at the scene. Now that is when our world turned sour. Everything that had happened from here looks like it happened over the span of decades, but eventually, facts about what we would face started to crystalize after the funeral. My father had a huge command on family relatives and friends. Because of him, we had many friends who thronged our home on daily basis. I would normally play a lot with visiting kids, accompanying friends, and other family members. Some bought me all manner of toys and gifts, making such visits what I would normally look up to as a child.

Like I said earlier, my dad was the star and the center of the home. But when he was taken, everyone who identified with him — his friends and family who usually showed up at our house — completely left and abandoned us. My mum who was not working was left to figure out life and how to face the darkness. She was still very young (just turning 19 years old) and with four kids to care for. When the going is good, a lot of people, good or bad, tend to flock around, but when the going becomes tough, they all disappear and never come back. This was a classic example of what happened to us and it was tough to understand it as a kid.

That was to go on to shape my entire attitude towards friends while growing up.

“Everyone who identified with him . . . completely abandoned us.”