Reflection Stephanie McClure

me take him to the hospital, but he refused. He started having a really bad fever. When we took his temperature at home it was 101.7 degrees. By the time we arrived at the hospital, it was 105.7 degrees. He was admitted and that was the last time I was able to speak to my husband. He went on the ventilator with the goal for his body to rest and recover. He had moments where we thought he was going to be getting better. I spent every night in that room with him. His best friend arrived from outof-state to help me and just be there. Keith spent one night with him so I could go home and get some good sleep. This was the night he suffered a stroke. I had to make the decision. A decision we never talked about. We were young, right? We didn’t have to have that conversation. I had to decide what to do next. I questioned GOD. I questioned HIM hard. Why were we being tested? Will I make the right choice? How does one make this type of decision? Something happened to me. I knew I had no choice but to move forward and do what I think is right for him. I requested all the tests to prove to me he had no further brain function. After the many tests and discussions with the doctors, the decision was made to stop all life-saving measures. Looking back, this was the decision that made me the woman I am. A woman who is

REFLECTION

strong. A woman who has faith. A woman who does not take one single day for granted. This decision also looks me in the eye every day when I look at our daughter. Even though I am a stronger woman from this experience, I am still saddened for her. I know that I have to show her how to prevail in darkness. I realize that by my becoming the woman I am, I am the woman she needs.

I have since remarried and have another daughter. I survived an experience that was earth shattering. I know that I can make those tough decisions and have the faith I need to rise up stronger. This is the kind of woman I want our daughter to be.

I chose this experience because there is no other experience that has affected me the way this one did and still does. It was the first time I have never been put in a position that made me question everything. This experience left me with so many unknowns. I had no idea how to be in a world without my partner and best friend. I had no idea how I was going to strong enough for our daughters. The fact that ten years later I am where I am now is crazy to think back on. At that time, I did not think I could be happy again. I wrote the first draft based on all the feeling that came back the week I wrote it. It just so happened to be the tenyear anniversary of his passing that week. That alone brought everything back. I just focused on those feeling and memories. There are some things that never leave you. This experience is that way for me. I appreciate the feedback that was given to me. I tried to focus on the point of story as becoming stronger in the face of darkness. By forming more of a backstory on our love story, I think it deepened the emotion. It showed how strong we were together for me to being strong alone. While I shared a lot of what happened in that short span, there is still much that was left out. Ultimately it took away from the main point. I didn’t want the story to be all about the bad stuff. I wanted to show the strength that had to prevail following these horrible things. This is what I wanted to convey. Reading over my narrative, I feel proud. I am proud that I was able to put pen to paper and relive the most painful thing I have ever had to experience. I feel proud that my classmates felt the emotion in which I was trying to show. I am proud that this narrative shows that even with this being the most pain I have felt, it shows that I am a survivor. I may not have been the one who had cancer. I am still a survivor.