G ood Bad

That’s obviously not the case here, and it’s been extremely daunting. I’ve had more than one person tell me that they’d love to set me up with someone, but they literally don’t know any single men. Yikes.

Within this smaller dating pool, we make it smaller by being pickier than we might have been in our teens and 20s. This beautifully developed self-awareness also contributes to a better understanding of the type of partner experience they’ve learned from, which may make them better partners. As a rule, the divorced people I work with are much clearer on what they’re seeking once they’ve been around the block once. we are seeking, and we’re less likely to settle. We know better now! Sometimes, anyway.

Most importantly, when we are older or previously married, we may no longer feel the intense pressure of biological clocks, financial security, or societal pressures to secure the wedding and white picket fence. It’s easy to see why people rush into marriage or get married for the wrong reasons, and the opportunity to have a second chance and explore a relationship based on fun, love, and attraction is a total game-changer.

We also get comfortable in our independence and stuck in our ways. We may become a bit inflexible. We are very clear on the things we want and need in life and are perhaps more unwilling to compromise. You don’t want anyone to take away your nasty old recliner or your ability to watch football uninterrupted, I get it. Careful though, there’s a thin line between being knowing what you deserve and being a pain in the butt.

As we get older, our lifestyles change as well. It’s a lot less likely that you’ll lock eyes from across a crowded bar if you’re not doing the bar hopping thing anymore. (Do you think I can pick someone up at the chiropractor?)

It doesn’t help that the surge in online dating has completely transformed the playing field for all of us. I really feel for Baby Boomers who are having to navigate unfamiliar technology and the treacherous world of online dating simultaneously. Not only is technology changing things, but it makes for so much less face time (not to be confused with FaceTime). It’s almost hard to imagine a time before the apps when people met organically and could see if there was chemistry in real time. We now determine compatibility based on a few photos and words, which is pretty ridiculous when you think about it.

Idon’t know about you, but I can’t say that I’m aging like a fine wine... physically, anyway. I think I’m a much higher quality partner than I was in my 20s. One thing I hear almost daily from clients is that they aren’t attracted to other people their own age. This is especially true of people who are divorced and haven’t dated in some time. They may have fallen in love decades prior and they were able to always see the younger version of both themselves and their spouse.

Every single client in their 60s tells me -in a hushed conspiratorial tone -- that they aren’t a “normal” 60-something-year-old.

They are uniquely youthful, fun, adventurous, and in shape. They’re not “old” like their peers. I’m not talking about some clients, this is EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

This is hilarious to me, but also deeply foreboding in case I do in fact remain single forever.

When I send someone in their 60s out on a date with someone their same age, I very often get the feedback that the other person looks like a grandparent. It’s all I can do to resist screaming, “Have you looked in the mirror in the last 30 years?!” I know none of us feel a day over 22, but let’s be realistic, shall we?

As we get older, we have to understand that everyone else is, too. I don’t have a six pack, so unfortunately I shouldn’t expect to date someone who does.

Maybe part of it is a generational difference, but men in particular seem to think they’re going to get women 20 years younger. Many seem to think they are entitled to younger women. It’s hard to break it to these people, but the 40-year-olds are trying to date 30-year-olds, who are trying to date 20-year-olds.

If you haven’t yet landed yourself a supermodel, I don’t think your 60s is the time it’s going to happen for you. Perhaps it was once the case that women were fine to settle with a wrinkled old guy for financial stability, but it’s not the 50s. Most of the women I know run circles around their male counterparts financially.

When I go on a date these days, I know that I’m bringing a complex person with a lot to offer, though I’ll always make mistakes and be a work in progress. I’m no longer looking for validation (~98% of the time), or for a warm body. I’m not going to settle for the first person who comes along, but I also know enough to be open minded and know that a great match for me may not be what I have in mind.

Call me naïve, but I truly do believe that what is meant to happen, will happen.

One thing we all know after enough heartbreak is that you can never force it. No matter what you do, you can’t make someone fall in love with you. You also can’t change a person, and it’s a good idea not to go into a relationship with the expectation that you will. We’ve learned these hard lessons time and time again, and they’ve made us stronger people.

Dating can be hard at any age, and it’s easy to become jaded or think you’ll never find your person. But if you’ve been in love before, you know that it’s 100% worth the trouble and the risk of getting hurt.

The best takeaway I can share is that we are not perfect, nor is anyone else. If we can learn to accept ourselves for who we are, flaws and all, and be just as accepting of others, there is room to meet in the middle from a place of trust. When you meet the right person, they’ll be a beautiful addition to your already full life and you will be the same for them, without needing one another to survive.

There’s beauty in the wisdom and simplicity of that.