Take my advice_ I am not using it

Keep your advice to yourself, because most likely, no-one wants to hear it.

I don’t have a lot of rules that can be applied across-theboard, but “Keep your advice to yourself”, unless directly asked for it, may be one of them. Why? Because my situation is never the same as yours, it is best to avoid generalizing your past with someone else’s present.

I have come to know, throughout my short time here and through the many different people I have known over the years, that we are all unique in so many respects – our inherited temperaments, our learning styles, our histories and our individual limits are never similar. If one thing is true, giving someone else advice may always be completely out of line, or inaccurate one way or the other.

So, with just a few exceptions,

BY DAVIDSON LOUIS

Rachel

Wolchin

once said: “If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have had roots instead of feet.” On this quest to self-discovery, TC Islander Davidson Louis vowed to travel, write, paint, laugh and forgive. Subsequently, he hopes to find himself and or, leave behind a few pieces of himself. Contact him at hello. octopen@tcinews.tc stop playing Oprah Winfrey, it is ok to just listen. Here are 8 alternative ways to avoid sharing unsolicited wisdom with everyone you come across.

LISTEN

Just be present and really hear the person out. Listening doesn’t just involve not saying anything. It requires actively listening. If we’re in our own head waiting to say something, we’re not listening. If we have internal dialogue going on, we’re not listening.

Ask Questions

Fully try to understand the situation and place yourself in that person’s position. You don’t know everything. You can’t read their mind either. Ask them how they feel about it, why they feel or think that way, what they want to happen, what they’re going to do, etc. Obviously, context matters in exactly what questions to ask.

SHOW EMPATHY

If it came down to just one thing to do instead of giving advice, it would be this. Even for those who wish to give advice. Empathy is essential. I can’t stress the importance of empathy enough.

Be Emotional Supportive

This type of support can also include physical support like a hug or pat on back.

Consider other options and viewpoints than the one you have in mind.

Know that there is not one thing we know 100% of. We all have blind spots. There might be things that you’re overlooking or haven’t considered or thought of.

Learn To Accept Someone As They Are

If you genuinely loved them and were a friend to them, you would let them be and live their life. Let them make mistakes. Let them figure things out on their own. That’s not being a bad friend. It’s being a good friend. Sometimes they have to see and learn for themselves what we see now.

Be Honest About What You Know

If someone asks a question and you’re not entirely sure, be honest and do the research, then get back to the person. Don’t be afraid of not knowing.

Be An Example

This is helpful if the advice we want to give does not pertain to our friend’s, family member’s or partner’s situations. It’s more effective to influence someone by being a living example of the change or belief we want to encourage. This is called modeling which is a part of observational learning.