e f i L y M M y Wa y An autobiography by Martin Skidmore
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My Life, My Way - an autobiography by Martin Skidmore
Foreword
Foreword My name is Martin Skidmore born in Aylesbury at the Royal Bucks Hospital in March 1974; I dedicate this special book to the people I love. Sandra and Michael Skidmore (Mother and Father), Vera and Ernie Skidmore (Grandparents), Joanne Skidmore (sister) Margaret Willoughby (Father's sister) and all the rest of my family. I try to enjoy life but it can be so difficult when a label has been put upon oneself thoughts the thought of others. It is a shock and when I do anything, which to them seem impossible, and I do it in front of them they say “Martin, I didn’t think you would be able to do that”. I try to enjoy life as much as possible, but when one has to face all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds. It was a long while later I found out that I could. The months before Christmas 74 were not the best. In a way I’m glad I was born in the 70’s because we’ve got things to make life easier like electric wheelchairs to go about in, a lot more day centres to go to, special transport to get us there in safety and comfort. Computers to work on and to do it for you. Printers to print the work- out on with a simple press of a button. Video’s to record what you wanted to see but obviously missed from the state of the art Television. Microwave ovens to cook an evening meal in half the time, special Colleges to go to, to learn to do that certain task that life can sometimes and will throw at you, I sometimes think, Do we really need all this? I’ve written this book over some years and things have changed.
Martin Skidmore 1
My Life, My Way - an autobiography by Martin Skidmore
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Foreword
My Life, My Way - an autobiography by Martin Skidmore
Chapter - 1
Chapter 1
EARLY DAYS
1974 - 2001 Christmas 1974, Living in Pevensey Close, Bedgrove, Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire. I had to stay in hospital for a couple of weeks because the doctors wanted to run tests to see what was wrong with me. The first nine months of my life was very traumatic for Mother and sister Johane who felt that I had a problem, which was not evident to professional people at the clinic and nor to my father. Mother as mother’s do, noticed something was not quite right straight away and told father, “Look Sandra, Martin is all right” replied Father, as he sits down to read the Newspaper, the neighbours stayed out the way. We often went to see granny and granddad Skidmore (Father’s, Mother and Father) who have lived at 114 Coventon Road ever since Father was a boy, on one particular visit, the summer of 1974, she came out with “About baby Martin, is he well”? We didn't feel like celebrating Christmas, we were feeling sorry for ourselves. The stage came when Mother phoned the Hospital a number of times to say she thought I was unwell, “Don’t worry Mrs Skidmore, your baby son is fine," said midwife and doctors, mum knew I was unwell. At six months old I began to have fits, mum told the clinic again, “Hello, it’s Mrs Skidmore, about my son, he’s having fits”, “Don’t worry Mrs Skidmore, your baby is fine, all babies jump” said various doctors, she was then labelled, an over protective mother. The time soon came when mum called the Bedgrove surgery and said, “I’d be happier if I could see the doctor, they replied ‘OK, is 2.30pm OK, That’s fine replied Mother. The day came when we went to see our GP who was Dr Drew, he said, ”I hear your 3
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worried about your son………….? Dad replies ‘Martin? Dr Drew carries on………..Ah!!!!!!!!… that’s right “, mum carries on, “ We find he’s not reacting to us the way he should, “What is he doing? “ Dr Drew asks, mum explaining what’s happening. “He’s having fits and he’s crying a lot. Two weeks later we had an appointment to see the specialist. Went to see our GP who was Dr Drew, he said, ”I hear you’re worried about Martin? Dad had to take time off work to take mum and me backwards and forwards to the Hospital in the car, which was a red Vauxhall Victor all I can remember it had a felt roof. We had to see numerous of doctors. We had to wait in the waiting room, which seemed to be a lifetime. The waiting room was a small and a very patronising place. Chairs set in a square shape, so it would be easy to talk to each other about why they’ve come and a table in the middle with newspapers and magazines for us to read as we where waiting for our appointment. Five minutes later the receptionist calls us, “Mrs Skidmore, Mr Semor will see you now." Walking very slow in to the consulting room, Mr Semor follows, “take a seat” he said in a very kind voice, short pause, “I hear you are a bit worried about your son named? As he walks around to his seat, mum answers “Martin”; Mr Semor interrupts “Ha! That’s right," mum carries on, he’s crying all the time, he’s not focusing on us and he’s having fits. However, not believing us, until I had a fit in front of him. A couple of months later, we where asked to see the consultant. Dad had to take time of work to take mum and me backwards and forwards to the hospital in the car again, to see doctors. The day came when my sister sensed there was something not quite
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right. "What's wrong, why are you taking Martin backwards and forwards to the hospital"? She asked. The Consultant gave in and went ahead with the tests, "Oh! Alright, Mrs Skidmore, I'll do the tests, but, I know I won't find anything wrong, I can ashore you." luckily just then I had a fit in front of him, I got whisked away. The wait was an anxious wait, with many sleepless nights (ask someone about this), after a week of tests Stoke Mandeville Hospital asked us to visit, we knew that the news wasn't going to be brilliant. In the consulting room, the doctor asked us to take a seat. He sat opposite in a comfortable black leather chair and started talking to us in a kindly manner, indicating that what he was going to tell us was not good news, Dad got angry, Mr Semor continues. Martin has got what is known as Athrtode Ataxia cerebral palsy after being distressed at birth…It’s to early to say how he will be affected, but, with Phyiso and Speech tharphy he will be fine (Write more about Beachgreen and dad at the doctors) My auntie Margaret lived in Haydon Hill, Aylesbury, she’s divorced, but I didn’t know this at the time. I often went round there with mother and father, looking around I thought to myself ‘why is she on her own, because, I never saw her with anybody. In 1978, I left Beachgreen to go to Oliver Wells, in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire for Disabled students, the school can take students from five to twenty, and I was one of the first pupils there. The school itself was named after a man called Oliver Wells; his career was a train engineer at Wolverton yard, in Milton Keynes, he had to work under trains. One day he had an unfortunate accident, he was working under a train when the 5
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brakes failed and the train sliced his legs off, the people at school thought of naming the school after him. I started in the nursery where Kathy is in charge; we played games and sang songs. I have a Welfare Assistant called Sandy, when I was six had a special friend called Stephanie Lane. Mother wanted to give me some physiotherapy for my arms, so she gave me some old biscuit tins and cake boxes with wooden spoon’s to have a play with My music is very is important to me, as evident when I started watching music programmes like ‘Top Of The Pops’ and finding that I was drawn to the drummers and being to overenthusiastic about my plea to play the drums. I often watched famous Drummers, such as Ginger Baker (Cream) Phil Collins on the television and I’ve often thought, I would like to do that. My grandparents are involved with an opera group called ADOS, being slightly over in it stands for the Aylesbury dramatic and operatic Society, and one of their shows was ‘Annie’ and there was a band there of four or five people. I noticed the drummer, my grandfather asked him if I could have a go, Mike came up to me, and said “would you like to have ago on the drums?" Therefore, I with a smile on my face replied “yea," after Mike gave me a pair of sticks. Up to the age of 5 I found using a pencil was difficult, so the only way to getting any school work done was to learn to use the electric typewriter, I then found I could express myself thorough the typewriter, I was taught on the old IBM's which you knew they were on, as the whole table vibrated. I got on with the tutor Joan who was a great tutor. To start with, she drew an object like an Apple and I had to fill it in just with the letter 'A' on the typewriter, then went on to harder things, then we progress to copy typing, then on to other things.
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In 1983 I had a friend called Ben Eastwood, we were mates, we did everything together, he used to go on my bus to school, we were in the same class for a time. My mum was the escort on the school bus and I’m the last one to be picked up at 8.30am. One Tuesday morning mum turns up with tears in her eyes, dad asked, “what’s up”,”yea. Mum what’s up, I said, mum replied “wait until you get to school." The journey was very quite with a solemn atmosphere; we got to school, the minute I got of the bus I thought funny teachers are crying to. The walk to the classroom was an experience; the whole school was in complete silence apart from the sound of walkers scraping along the floor, electric wheelchairs wising about. I take of my coat and hung it up and go to class to get a grey cold chair for assembly, trying to put it on the hall floor without making a sound, dearing not break the silence of the whole school, by talking to a friend. We all sit in a house shoe shape, in our hall, waiting for our Deputy head teacher, Jean to come in, she enters and makes her way over to her comfortable black piano stall and sits down and starts talking, “Good morning, short pause. " I’ve got some sad news, slightly longer pause, Ben Eastwood died last night, in his sleep“, then realising it was the same reason why mum was crying too. I couldn't work that day 1982 I moved up in to what’s called “The Senior end, 16 to 19," and we had specific teachers for specific subjects. Not one for all subject, like in the middle end, we had a form tutor, mine was Kathy. At break times we didn’t have to go outside, we could stay indoors to play snooker and listen to Music. I meat Caroline; I asked her out she said yes. I was introduced to the BBC B Micro Computer and 'Wordwise'/ 'Wordwise Plus', Bill Collar took the class, who taught us all at once and took us through the program step by step. 1983 I meet Susan Woodfield, who I thought, she was so beautiful, I asked her out, she said yes, I thought we were good 7
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together. We were together until she left school and then we lost contact. In 1984 I joined 1st Winslow Cub pack, we meet in a very old scout Den which was in need of work or to be pulled down. Judy is archecla and her husband John was Barloo. I was in a pack called Harriers, I met Sue Hyde and her son Mark Moving to Scouts was harder as they did more physical activities e.g. running and I couldn't keep up For quite sometime my love for sailing has more or less came to life because, Dad as a boat and I love the water, I am now 21 and a member of a club for the Disabled people. One day at school a physiotherapist was looking through some rubbish and she came across a leaflet called sail-ability, she came up to me in the corridor, she said “do you like sailing, look at this”, I said “yes I do, I’ll take it home and show dad. Back at school I told her “Dad liked the idea” she said “we meet next weekend at Willen Lake, in Milton Keynes. At home some boys have started picking on me, a lady called Pam saw this, came out of her house and told them of. I said to her “what are you doing," she replies “I don’t like bullies”. This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. In 1991 I left Oliver Wells, but I was still under the original school, to go to Milton Keynes College, which was a main stream school to do a Certificate of Pre-Vocational Education and Diploma of Vocational Education. It was for two years and I was one of six disabled students with two teachers from Oliver Wells to support us, in a group of non-disabled students, who took us like one of them. I was lucky enough to be invited on a school trip to London to see 'Starlight Express', it was excellent. My maths has little to be desired and I am having private lessons, at home, with a lady 8
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called Suzanne on Saturday mornings. I was privileged to get invited to a music weekend in 1993, which was at a Rehabilitation centre in Aylesbury called Rayners Hedge; I go there when my family need a rest. They organised a music weekend for patients and staff with Wavendon theatre and BT. John Dankworth was there and Bob Holiness with his wife. We have found out by my social worker that there might be a chance for me to go to boarding college. The wait for conformation for my place at collage, was a angerous wait, time has never been so slow (ADD MORE) The time came when I heard that I got in to residential College called Lord Mayor Treloar College, in Alton, Hampshire, for young people with disabilities where I’m doing a G.N.V.Q in Art and Design course, I’m feeling home sick as it’s my first time away from home. The students are accommodated in three houses rain by a housemaster, under him/her were the unite leaders, then care staff. The working day is from am till 4pm, we get up at 7.o’clock, we have an hour to get dressed, which we had help from the care staff which were there 24 hours. Breakfast was at 8 o’clock in a big dinning room, where the whole collage meets to eat meals. We all have to be in form class by 9.o’clock, as the first lesson is at 9.20, we get a mid-morning break, which is for 30mins, and get an hour and a half for lunch. I like someone called Shelley but I couldn't do anything about it because she has a boyfriend. The time came when I liked her so much I had to stay out their way because I was afraid I might have told her how I was feeling.
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March came very quickly; it was the week of her conformation on that Sunday, we went to the local Church together. Sometimes we got to supper early and we had to wait in the corridor next to the dinning room. I was sitting on my scooter talking to my friends, and she came up behind me and cuddled me. I looked back to see who it was, it was Shelley, we just looked at each other and kissed, then we where together ever since. Sunday afternoon came I was all dressed up waiting out side for her, then she appeared, I just cried, she looked beautiful. One Saturday I was on the phone to Mother, when she said “Guess what?" I said, “I can’t”, she said “Johane has a boyfriend called Alistair, I turned to Shelley “my sisters got a boyfriend called Alistair, he’s Scottish. I will try to answer that burning question that everybody wants to ask but dears not. That question is ‘What does it mean to have a Disability’, I think I’m two people in one body, in other words it’s Martin’s body that has Disability, not Martin. The transaction of leaving Lord Mayor Treloar College in 1995, was a big step for me because I was in an environment, which was “Disability friendly” and it was timetabled e.g. getting up: 7.o’clock, start College: 9.o’clock, Finished 4. O’clock and being in bed by 11pm, was good because I knew where I had to go and what time I had to be there, also leaving my first real relationship when it lasted all the time I was at the college. I came back to Winslow, in Buckinghamshire, and Shelley went back to Croydon in East Sussex to go to a new College, she told me over the phone that she has someone new. Rob Barnes lived across the road from (ADD MORE) Christmas 1995, we all went to London to the Carol concerts, in a taxi, we left about 4 o’clock to get to London, the weather was 10
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wet, but it was alright as we where in a warm dry mini bus. At last we were there, as some people know is like two circles in one big on, after a while the door in and to the auditorium. Hanging where like big mushrooms for lights witch bounced of the ceiling. There was an orchestra playing trying to lead all 8,000,000 of us with singing. A member of the Scope Drama group wrote a short story on her life, she wrote it on a A4 bit of paper, she drought it in for the group to read and go see what we thought, we thought it was good. We thought it needed editing, we got started, by the fifth page we thought it was OK, it tuned into a five-page script. Then we thought why not makes a video of it. Christmas 1995, we all went to London to the Carol concerts, in a taxi, we left about 4 o’clock to get to London, the weather was wet, but it was alright as we where in a warm dry mini bus. At last we were there, as some people know is like two circles in one big on, after a while the door in and to the auditorium. Hanging where like big mushrooms for lights witch bounced of the ceiling. There was an orchestra playing trying to lead all 8,000,000 of us with singing. A member of the Scope Drama group wrote a short story on her life, she wrote it on a A4 bit of paper, she drought it in for the group to read and go see what we thought, we thought it was good. We thought it needed editing, we got started, by the fifth page we thought it was OK, it tuned into a five-page script. Then we thought why not makes a video of it. The death of Diana Princess of Wales, in August 1997, was a shock to us all, but for my family it was a bigger shock, because we were on holiday on the Norfolk Broads at the time. Cruising alone one day when one of the people on a passing boat shouts across "Diana, Princess of Wales has died in Paris in a car accident", at the time, we thought it was a sick joke until we turned our Television on.
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I went into Hospital for an operation on the knees; I've had many operations in my live but can remember this one clearly as it was only last year, on the 18th September 97. We were seeing anaesthetist, who told us the procedure in such depth, that I was ready to walk out. We went to Dartmouth for a holiday 28th May to 5th June 98; we stay in an old Victorian house that over looks the River Dart, at the mouth. All window looked on to the River, the big lounge is set in oak panels, there are two big bedrooms of a long passage, one with to singles beds where I sleep and a long bathroom at the end. I've discovered I want to buy a Canal Boat because great times on them in the past. On June 20th 2003 I went to a Former pupil’s weekend at Lord Mayor Treloar Collage, saw Shelley and it brought back some memorises, which made me feel a bit subdued. It made me realise I still love her and I can’t get over her, but I can get on with life and meet other people. I feel that my time in the church band has come to an end because even though I was only in it for a couple of months, when I pass my driving test, I would like to start my own band. At school, at the age of about 9 or 10, there used to be welfare assistant called Sandy. She left in 1986 and we lost contact, I’ve got a friend called Mark and he has a helper called Jackie and she said she sees Sandy at school, so I’ve now got in touch with her. I went on holiday on my own for the first which was to a place called Lulworth Court at Westcliff-on-sea in East Sussex which had carers 24 hours a day who took us out on trips. We also had 12
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Volunteers from France, Spain, Germany; I was a member of one big happy family. We went out for days, for rides in there own buses, went bowling and we went to see Joseph and the Technicolor dream coat. I feel it’s wrong that I want a relationship, I should be all right on my own and may I'am but I think I have a lot to offer a relationship, it would be alright if I went to the right places, but I don't. I think we all see the world differently if we are with someone, I got in touch with a dating agency for people with disabilities. In November 98 I started a volunteer’s job in an Aylesbury home for young people with learning Disabilities, helping them on the Computer. This job could lead to a second Counselling Course. I have an uncle who lives in Australia named Colin who I've never met, he's the son of ante Frances who live in Devon, and who we sometimes see when we're on holiday down there. We are still friends with our old neighbours from Bedgrove, we moved to Winslow a couple of months before they moved to stone near Aylesbury. They now live on Watermead just outside Aylesbury. (ADD MORE) In July 99 I went away on my own again, to Lulworth Court it was nothing like 98. Every year they have volunteers go there from other countries e.g., Spain, France, Germany, and also from England last year it took a bit of time for us to gel. This year felt like we were meant to be friends, we were strangers when we walked into the hotel, and yet at the end of the first day we were giving each other cuddles, we were that close, I've never experienced that before. I'm very grateful for e-mail, with out it, it would be quite slow, in writing to people, I do want to keep in 13
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touch, and they all mean a lot to me. I wouldn't change them for anything, I think we are so close and jet so far. I met Michelle with whom I had a 'Holiday Romance with and which it didn't last. I joined a music group at Scope, the day centre were I go on a Monday and Thursday where we learned all about music and writing it with the aid of a Computer. I started taking my Drums in, we worked on a piece for the opening of the new Milton Keynes theatre, which was October 99, I than got told I was the first drummer, ever, to play on the stage and that was an experience. The cartons open, and all I saw, was a sea of people sitting there waiting for us to play. March 2000, I went to a place called Enham, in Andover, Hampshire, which has work, a home, and a social life, with care and support all on the one site. I now feel I'm at the age when I need my own life and feel I need to 'Fly the Nest'. Enham has what I need. I moved on the 7th August 2000, I'm surprised, they phone us up 6 weeks before, saying the I was allocated a bungalow with someone else, who I knew from my days at Lord Mayor Treloar College, Matthew. The past few months I've been at Enham, it has an adventure, with a few tears in between but it’s home.
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Chapter 2
Here and Now
2001 - present day Points to include… Lizzie Enham radio Living in the community New drums 2014-15 Meeting the In laws 2009-ish Meeting Colin Skidmore 2013
Being accepted by Lizzie is a hurdle in itself, but, being accepted by her family is a huge hurdle as I didn’t know how they were going to react to me. Going from a full care home to living with my partner Lizzie, in the village, who I met six years before was a daunting outlook and something I felt I had to do,not only to be with Lizzie, but a care home setting wasn’t what I needed anymore as my needs are not as high as some of the people they are getting in the homes now. Five years ago. Enham’s old Chairman, went to a exhibition to do with disability and he came across a stand where they were demonstrating a radio station…He thought, wouldn’t it be a great Idea to set a radio station up at Enham. This was one of my dream jobs from when I was a boy. We all do a 2 hr slot , there r 3 people in the studio as co-presenters including the main presenter also called a ‘Driver’ at a time of writing about radio Enham, we have 15
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started 2 record 4 evenings and weekends so it gives the impression some 1 is there 24hrs a day
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How many people have wanted to do it? How many people have actually done it? Well Martin Skidmore has. Read his gripping story of his life (so far). Full of ups and downs. Full emotion. Full of heartache. Full of love. a
True grit and determination.
Enjoy reading‌ My Life, My Way