Javion Whetstone - Love Made It Work

By Monica Montgomery

Photos Provided by Chris Kelly of KB Photography and Smitha Lee Photography

At home, casual, with life whizzing around her at the speed of light, Javion (Woods) Whetstone is in control. Mrs. Whetstone, as of November 19, 2022, is a beautiful and vibrant thirty-seven-year-old wife, mom, and entrepreneur. Javion Whetstone is a life coach and the founder of the nonprofit organization “More Than a Mother.”

This organization offers women with vision, goals, and passion the opportunity to thrive in a supportive community. Women ready to overcome the fear of being able to balance more can find transparency, encouragement, strategy, and a community of powerful women capable of achieving the support needed.

Because of her focus and dedication to helping women and families thrive beyond the fray, Javion has received many accolades and awards. She was awarded the 2020 Women of Excellence award. Then in 2021, she was recognized as one of Greenville’s Best and Brightest Under 35. At a glance, Javion makes being a mompreneur look easy. But Javion will be the first to tell you it’s not.

At age thirty-seven, Javion is an active mother of eleven… I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in. Married to her first husband at the age of fifteen, Javion officially started her journey of motherhood. But she had been in training for it all her life. Javion assumed the role of mother and caregiver before the age of ten years old.

“I grew up in an abusive household because my mom struggled with addiction. To survive and take care of myself and my baby sister, I had to grow up fast,” Javion said. “My mother was often incapacitated, so I cared for her too. I’d stay up late waiting for her to come home because I knew she would need help. She often came home having soiled herself or with cuts and wounds that needed addressing. I had to bathe her and put her to bed. My mother was regularly assaulted because of her lifestyle,” Javion explained.

At an early age, Javion knew all too well the struggles of motherhood. As a child or “dependent caregiver,” she had to be creative and resourceful to meet her family’s basic needs. “I did what I had to do to feed my sister and me. As a child not of legal working age, I had few options. We lived in the Bronx, New York, then, and I used to bag groceries at a store called Associates. I collected and recycled cans. I flipped food stamps for cash. I would steal laundry detergent at the laundromat when people turned their backs so I could wash our clothes. Basically, I found ways to get money.”

Javion lived in an intense and constant mode of survival. To escape the daily struggle and cycle of abuse and neglect, Javion took the opportunity to leave New York. But it wasn’t the solution she hoped it would be. Javion searched for structure and stability, but most of all, peace. Unfortunately, that is not what she found.

“I moved to Clinton, North Carolina when I was twelve to live with my grandparents and three siblings. What I found there was a family with a lot of buried trauma. I learned that the toxicity I experienced from my mother was generational. I didn’t understand that at the time because it was hidden behind a thick vale of religious misinformation,” Javion explained.

“My grandfather was a deacon in the Apostolic church. This religion was extremely restricting and controlling, especially toward women,” Javion recalls. “Women weren’t allowed to wear pants, makeup, jewelry, or anything ornate. We were taught that men are the absolute authority and not to be challenged. We were being groomed to be submissive wives and dutiful mothers. We were told that’s what God ordained.”

A few years after Javion moved to North Carolina, her mother followed. She met a young minister during a weekend visit to her mother’s house. This was the man she would later marry. “I was fourteen, and he was seventeen when we met. We had this instant and then unexplainable connection. I understand now that it was a trauma bond.”

The Whetstones

According to verywellmind.com, “trauma bonding is the attachment an abused person feels for their abuser, specifically in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse.”

Raised by an abusive mother, then moved to an oppressive and abusive home with her grandparents, the trauma bond was familiar to Javion. Although she didn’t know why she was drawn to this person, Javion did understand the need to have someone who understood what she had gone through. They found solace in each other.

“Because we both suffered through childhood abuse and neglect, we found comfort in our connection. He was my safe place, and I was his. I was convinced nobody could be who we were for each other.”

The couple was forced to marry when Javion became pregnant a year after they met. “Because we weren’t married, much shame poured on us. So, after speaking to my pastor and grandmother, he asked me to marry him.” Javion quickly said yes. “I wholeheartedly loved him. There was no doubt in my mind that we were meant to be together. We were good for each other… until we weren’t.”

Marrying young wasn’t uncommon in the denomination Javion’s family subscribed to, and hiding abuse was part of her family’s history. “Four months after we were married, we had our first baby. We had a baby every ten months after that,” says Javion. Her eleven children range in age from twenty-one to six months.

Always an excellent student, Javion tried to continue her education. When she married and began having children, traditional schooling became a problem. “I missed more days than I attended, so I got my GED,” she explained. “Then I wrote to the state for permission to enter college at sixteen. My request was granted, but not long after starting, dinner was late once, and my husband forced me to quit.”

Abusers maintain their hold on their victims by destroying their self-worth and keeping them isolated. “If someone had told me then I was pretty, I wouldn’t have believed them because I had been conditioned to believe I wasn’t by the man who vowed to love and protect me,” Javion explained. A significant part of Javion’s commitment to her nonprofit is giving women the support they need to succeed and pursue their dreams. “I love my children and wouldn’t trade them for the world. And despite being young, I was married when I had my children. That didn’t keep people from treating me as a pariah,” she said, recalling the embarrassment she was made to feel because she had so many children. This societal shame Javion experienced made it hard to ask for help.

During the eleven years, Javion was married to her first husband; she suffered frequent physical, mental, and emotional abuse. “Image was everything to him. He was a young man in the church who went on to pastor because of his talent and charisma. Everyone loved him, and he loved being loved. The issue was that he had unresolved wounds, pent-up anger, and hurt because of his childhood. I was the closest person to him, so I was the focus of his rage.”

Javion reached out for help within her organization, but the counsel she received left her wanting. “I remember going to my spiritual leader and asking him when was it okay to leave an abusive marriage. He told me, ‘Only when you get to the point that you think he will kill you.’ I thought, who wakes up knowing that day would be the day they would die?”

After years of abuse, humiliation, and infidelity, Javion had come to the end of her rope.

Javion and her husband were on their way to a speaking engagement when they were in an accident. “This was the turning point for me. It was after the loss of my son, and I was numb,” she explained stoically. “After the accident, my husband left me in the car at the scene of the accident to go preach. When he came to the hospital, he was confronted by the doctor about his choice to leave me there. He was embarrassed, and I would pay the price.” After this episode, Javion knew it was time to leave for good.

Twenty-six and pregnant with her ninth child, Javion was starting over. “That transitional period in my life was hard. I knew nothing about life or relationships. All I knew how to do at the time was be a mother and take care of a household. And I was good at it,” Javion confessed. “We struggled in the beginning. I have been homeless, lived-in shelters, and trusted the wrong people. I’ve suffered through other bad relationships while trying to figure out who I was.”

Although she never turned her back on God, Javion was imbittered towards people. “I had to deal with my bitterness, hurt, confusion, and shame. I had been so dependent on a man to confirm my identity and my worth that I felt lost without it. But in the end, it was purposeful because it made me redefine my relationship with God.”

Purpose has brought Javion full circle. Sharing her life and testimony with women and helping them find their voices has helped her see God’s plan for her life.

“In the process of finding myself, God told me that I was more than a mother.” Initially, Javion struggled with this because since stepping out on her own, Mother was her definition. “God said there was more to me,” Javion explained. Trusting God, Javion sought out the more.

Through her nonprofit “More than a Mother,” Javion and her team help other women understand that truth. The organization maintains projects throughout the community, such as Love in Action. Love in action is a mobile washing station for the homeless. They host the annual Mom Bosses Tea party and the Domestic Violence and Breast Cancer Awareness Gala.

Their 2023 initiatives include six-month care packages for “Dependent Caregivers.” These minors, like Javion, have found themselves as the primary caregiver in their homes. They also hope to start “Help Him Heal.” A program to help men deal with childhood trauma.

Sitting next to her sleeping six-month-old baby girl, Javion says her quiver is full. She is done having children, but I have a feeling she’s just getting started giving birth. Acting as a midwife and birthing coach to the dreams of women from every walk of life will inspire her to continue to be More than a Mother.

www.iammorethanamother.org