Sexy Safety

Words by Alexandra Sobczak. Photos by K Bodrock

“Sir.” “Daddy.” “Master.” “Mommy.” “Baby girl.” “Good girl.” “Mistress.”

These are some of the many terms we normally associate with BDSM. But what about gender-neutral terms?

“Your majesty,” “my liege,” “pet,” “stud,” “bitch,” “puppy,” “kitten,” “precious” and “angel” are some of the terms that can be used for a person of any gender, says Stephanie Davis, the president of K.I.N.K. Kent State, also known as Kent Is Now Kinky.

During sex, it is always important to be aware of how your partner wants to be addressed. “It changes (from) person to person,” Davis says.

No matter what you are doing in the bedroom, safety and consent are crucial. K.I.N.K. Kent State discusses these concepts at nearly every one of their meetings.

“Check up on your partner throughout a scene, no matter what you’re doing,” Davis says. “Make sure they’re doing well. Make sure they’re doing okay. And always have a safeword.”

As sexual interests develop and change, it is important to communicate, research

properly and start things off slowly. Aftercare is also suggested after each scene, Davis says. Without it, submissives or dominants can experience what is known as a “sub and dom drop.”

During this “depressive episode,” a submissive might think they deserve what is being done to them or the terms they are being called accurately describe them. At the same time, a dominant might think they are hurting their partner or being a bad person.

“Just make sure everyone who’s involved is feeling good and is left with positive emotions,” Davis says. “Just make sure it is all good.”

Safety is especially important during kinky sex, as sometimes kinks “can get a little dangerous,” she says. Davis recommends ensuring that people always have room to move, medical supplies are accessible if needed and toys are used with one specific partner to avoid sexually transmitted infections.

“As long as everyone’s safe and happy, then it is all good,” Davis says. “It’s not as weird and out there as you think.”