VOL. 29 // ISSUE 21
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2021
ARTS Movie //
M. Night Shyamalan’s new film gets Old fast CHANDY DANCEY Old, an M. Night Shyamalan film, was released in theatres July 23. The premise was adapted from a graphic novel called Sandcastle where a series of vacationers spend their day on a secluded beach only to realize it’s somehow causing them to age rapidly, “reducing their entire lives into a single day,” according to IMDB. While this premise is genuinely interesting for a thriller, its execution suffers greatly. This film was a rollercoaster of plot holes, viewer frustration, and odd script choices. But before we dive into that, let me walk you through my first thought after leaving the theatre: M. Night Shyamalan loves his women. And if you love women too, rest assured that the male gaze is alive and well in this film. With a movie taking place next to the ocean, and given that it’s directed by Shyamalan, expect gratuitous, lingering shots of halfnaked women as they get into the water or wander around the beach. Or even a supposed 15-year old girl who’s now “outgrown” her bathing suit since arriving at the beach (okay, that example’s a lot more creepy since she’s supposed to be under-
aged). Don’t get me wrong: everyone can appreciate a good-looking human being; it’s just that the sexualized shots were unnecessary and felt at odds with the tension and drama Shyamalan was building. The second thought immediately following the first after leaving the theatre: wait, what the fuck? So many aspects about this movie failed to make sense, leaving it riddled with plot holes. Shyamalan strives to answer the big questions, like why the beach causes them to age (with some hand-waving), why they can’t leave, or what happens to babies born on the beach. Other questions, however, are left obviously unanswered. For example: one character astutely offers a means of escape — everyone takes small steps over several hours through the cave opening leaving the beach, allowing their bodies to acclimate to aging slower. This is promptly never explored or attempted. Another example is that the movie explores the horrors of rapid pregnancy and labour, but not the fact that characters with uteruses should have periods every couple minutes if they’re aging fast. Or that if you hold your breath for a minute you’d probably die. Another problem with fitting so many
ideas around aging into one movie with events happening in a single day is that you don’t really get to know the characters. The plot unravels at whiplash-inducing speeds where one shocking incident after another is happening, leaving little time to process things in between. Instead of getting attached to characters, there’s little time to get to know them or care about them before they’re killed off; each one is just continuously reacting to traumatic events. Because of how fast-paced Old is, it’s difficult to become emotionally invested in anything happening on screen. As for the script, I have two words: it’s clunky. Dialogue feels stunted and odd, likely mixing bad acting together with a script that doesn’t feel authentic or human. The writing fails to capture the fluidity and dynamicness that is human speech, and fails to pair the writing with actors that can make the script shine despite its flaws. Additionally, the two parent protagonists, Guy and Prisca, are played by actors with heavy accents, making it hard to understand everything they’re saying. Those with hearing or auditory processing difficulties would benefit from watching it out-of-theatres with a service that
offers subtitles. Old was a bad movie released at the right time: countless lives have been lost during the COVID-19 pandemic, and many others have considered their own mortality in wake of the virus. M. Night Shyamalan’s film was rich in potential with its themes of aging, body horror, and disease, but there was little takeaway at the end. The concept of aging was the main theme, but the movie failed to offer any kind of narrative on what it means to age or to truly live — or even what it’s like to live with a debilitating health condition. What was gained by the few characters that survived after witnessing death, illness, and murder? Old felt more concerned with shock-value than providing a meaningful message during a global health crisis. Old offers a fascinating premise that promises to explore aging, death, and disease, but doesn’t manage to live up to the hype. Its hasty pacing is full of plot holes, features a questionable script, and fails to connect viewers with the characters, but the upside is that from the number of upand-down shots of bikini-clad women, it won’t leave you guessing Shyamalan’s sexual orientation.
Music //
Breakup playlist essentials ANDREA SADOWSKI More often than not, music, for me, tends to fall under one of two categories: falling in love and tumbling out of it. I have made many breakup playlists in my days here on Earth, as I am constantly tormented by the whims of my heart and the rejection that follows. I usually create a new playlist with every stage of grief I go through in a breakup. These songs are not for the days of crying in the rain or reminiscing about the good times. These songs give off big screw-you, I’m-better-off-withoutyou energy, and are best listened to while driving full-throttle down the highway, screaming the lyrics at the top of your lungs. You may notice this list is exclusively composed of female vocalists — that is out of personal preference of not wanting to hear male voices in my ear canals more than absolutely necessary during my tragically heterosexual breakups. “I Will Survive” - Gloria Gaynor This classic breakup anthem dates back to 1978 and should be the very first song you listen to after a breakup to remind yourself that life does go on, and you are so much better off without that silly boy you thought you could never live without. It’s about moving on, moving up, and saying “no” to any man who dares to come crawling back. Fun fact: Gaynor’s leg-
endary track was a definitive song of the “Happier Than Ever” - Billie Eilish 1980’s queer disco scene, and one time I This is the song I have been jamming got in trouble for dancing to it at a homophobic missionary base in Brazil I worked out to on repeat most recently. What I love most about this song is the way it starts at in my early twenties. off slow and soft, with Eilish’s haunt“You Oughta Know” - Alanis Morissette ingly melancholic voice accompanied by the strumming of a single ukulele, as it This track from the Canadian artist’s slowly transitions into a scream-at-thegame-changing 1995 album Jagged Little top-of-your-lungs rock ballad telling a Pill, asks all the important questions I toxic asshole of an ex to just fucking leave wish I could ask my exes with zero shame you alone. or remorse like my girl Morissette does. Questions like: “would she go down on “Traitor” - Olivia Rodrigo you in a theatre,” “are you thinkin’ of me when you fuck her,” and “every time If you’re going through a breakup, may I scratch my nails down someone else’s I recommend Rodrigo’s Sour in its enback … can you feel it?” We all know the tirety, on-repeat, for the rest of time. This answers are (in respective order): no, yes, 18-year-old’s brilliantly-written lyrics perand you wish. fectly capture the intense angst, anger, and anxiety of a breakup with a guy that “We Are Never Ever Getting Back To- never deserved you in the first place, a gether” - Taylor Swift guy you suspected was cheating on you (if not physically, then emotionally), and who Writing sappy/heartbreaking/empow- never loved you like you loved him. This ering songs about her many famous exes song in particular captures the unspoken is Swift’s specialty, and I’m here for it. This jealousy that you know was justified, yet song in particular holds a special place in was never owned up to. my heart as I sang it over and over and over again to myself after my very first “Irreplaceable” - Beyoncé breakup to remind myself that we are in fact, never ever ever getting back together. “To the left, to the left / Everything you This song is rumoured to be about Swift’s own in the box to the left.” Take your stuff breakup with Jake Gyllenhaal after their and get out of my house because my next intense three-month relationship went up dick appointment is on his way over. Lisin flames. ten to this bop next time you need to re-
member to put your ex right back in their place and remind them that there are a million other fish in the sea; he ain’t nothing special. “Truth Hurts” - Lizzo This could be my favourite song on this playlist, and it should be named the female empowerment track of the century. Lizzo would like to remind all the heartbroken ladies out there that their exes ain’t shit, and there are plenty of other eggplant and peach emojis sliding into your inbox on the daily. “I just took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100 per cent that bitch” who has already gotten over you. “Heartbreak Anthem” - Galantis, David Guetta, and Little Mix A collaboration between Swedish electro-pop group Galantis, David Guetta, and Little Mix, “Heartbreak Anthem” is the perfect way to end this earth-shatteringly good playlist. This 2021 summer jam will not get you caught up in your feelings or even make you feel angry over the time you wasted with your loser of an ex. Instead, the song ends things on a gracious note, telling your ex that you wish them the very best in their future endeavours and reminding yourself that you have better things to do than dwell on a relationship that didn’t work out for whatever reason.
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