The Cascade Vol. 20 Nos. 2 & 3

Drunk at Ikea since 1993

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

THE CASCADE

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News 3 Opinion 8 Arts & Life 14 Sexy Feature 18 Below the Belt 23 Sports & Health 30

Virgins among us?

P. 7

Attawapiskat:

Aid through reform

Abbotsford’s best sex shops

A guide to the NHL All Star Game

P. 8

P. 18-19

P. 30-31

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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“I was looking for a career that would offer job security. Here, I’m always in demand, testing and maintaining telecommunication systems for the team. Now, their security is my only concern.”

Corporal JESSICA WALKER

« Je cherchais une carrière qui m’offrirait la sécurité d’emploi. Ici, mon rôle consiste à tester et à garder les systèmes de télécommunications des équipes en parfait état. Maintenant, c’est leur sécurité qui est ma seule préoccupation. » Caporal JESSICA WALKER

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3

EDITORIAL

Kulturkampf:

What I didn’t learn in Sunday School Paul ESAU THE CASCADE It’s 10:30 on a Thursday night, and the waters of Victoria harbor are a black, cold reflection of a stark sky. The icy streets are rife with chilly homeless persons and bespectacled student journalists, an unlikely juxtaposition explained by BC politics and an inkstained pilgrimage from across the nation. The Canadian University Press (CUP) conference has engulfed one of the downtown hotels, and the harbor core is positively seething with wispy hipsters in tight jeans.

Some are slogging their way to The Bard & Banker, a Scottish pub, but most are searching for the Lucky Bar, the local dance club doubling as the official party venue of the evening. Victoria has never been so young, so opinionated, so jaded about the state of our environment/politics/society/ economy/booze prices. Everyone has a speech to make, everyone has a story to write, everyone’s out to change the world. It’s a heady feeling.

I’m still thinking about the morning’s seminar on Advocacy Journalism, a seminar taught by an editor from Vancouver’s alternative Xtra publication, Robin Perelle. I respect her, both for her honesty and her belief that Advocacy is about giving everyone their “best quote” so that all sides, even those with which you disagree, can feel fairly rep-

resented. I know that Perelle and I disagree, yet I’m encouraged by her most memorable quote: “If you have to silence your opponent to win an argument, you may want to change your argument.” I’m mulling over the implications, testing applications, even as I pass the eternally open 711 and turn the corner towards The Lucky Bar. There is a bowl of condoms displayed prominently on one of the conference tables beside the breakfast buffet. It is a large bowl, yet while I was picking out bacon at breakfast I noticed it was significantly less full than the night before. At first I think it’s a joke, but then I remember that there are 340 conference delegates in the hotel and I do a little mental arithmetic. I decide that it might be a joke, but that it also might not be, and that I’m probably better not knowing.

It reminds me of Jeremy Vandermeer, an editor for the online publication Cannabis Culture, who opened his seminar with the dubious admission, “In the interest of full disclosure, I’m pretty baked right now.” He went on to deliver an eloquent talk on the advantages of decriminalization and the plight of one Marc Emery, who was deported in 2010 for selling seeds of a particular variety, and currently resides in a US prison. Vandermeer’s disclaimer might have been a joke, it might not have been, once again I’ll never know.

The Lucky Bar is small, smoky,

Volume 20 · Issues 2 & 3 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529 Editor-in-Chief esau@ufvcascade.ca Paul Esau Managing Editor nick@ufvcascade.ca Nick Ubels Business Manager ali@ufvcascade.ca Ali Siemens Online Editor michael@ufvcascade.ca Michael Scoular Production Manager stewart@ufvcascade.ca Stewart Seymour Art Director anthony@ufvcascade.ca Anthony Biondi

Image: Nick Ubels/ The Cascade and jaw-rattlingl loud. It’s my first time in a club and I stand in the corner and watch faces appear in the smoke, watch people bounce and rebound around the floor like plastic spheres in a McDonald’s ballpen. Earlier they were maturing journalists asking esoteric questions from behind skeptical facades, but now they have been reduced somewhat. Here there is only the question of who will be lucky enough to dance with the c ute girl, and who will sway awkwardly in the corner, yearning for the confidence of print and politics. It comforts me a little to see that here, at least,

we have something in common.

Here the clashing perspectives are not so obvious, at least as long as none notice that I’ve been nursing the same drink for the better part of an hour.

They are amazing people, these hipster journalists, and they are profoundly, amazingly, unfairly well-informed. They are the future of Canadian print, web, and broadcast journalism, and between swearing like sailors and drinking like pirates they are solidifying the nature of that future.

They make one little Mennonite feels like he’s a long way from Abbotsford.

Visit us on the web at ufvcascade.ca UPCOMING EVENTS

JANUARY 26

JANUARY 27-29

JANUARY 28

JANUARY 30

Discover CHRP

Teatime at Baker House

Community Science Celebration

Human Rights and the “War on Terror”

There are Human Resources departments in almost all large companies and institutions. BASA & the UFV School of Business are coming together Thursday, January 26, to answer all the questions one might have about going into a career in Human Resources. A main topic of the event will be about how to achieve Certified Human Resources Professional (CHRP) designation.

This designation is attained after one takes two written exams. Refreshments will be provided and you will be able to enter to win a membership to the BC HRMA.

UFV’s theatre department presents Dead Man’s Cell Phone. Although it was supposed to be last weekend, because of severe weather conditions the January 21 and 22 performances were cancelled.

However, this hilarious black comedy about the ever-ringing cell phone of a dead man is coming back to life: The holdover performances that have been added in lieu of the cancellations will be Friday, January 27 and Saturday January 28 @ 7:30 p.m. as well as Sunday January 29 @ 2:00 p.m.

UFV is hosting a Community Science Celebration in Chilliwack at Evergreen Hall. The event is co-hosted by Science World and Abbotsford and Chilliwack school districts. The event is intended to open the eyes of students to the value of science studies aswell as to consider science and technology career possibilities. At the event local businesses in the field of science and technology showcase opportunities in local industry, government agencies, and other community organizations.

Sponsored by the Faculty and Staff Association (Human Rights and International Solidarity) and the Race and Antiracism Network (RAN), UFV will be hosting an event entitled “Human Rights and the ‘War on Terror’” on January 30 from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. on the Abbotsford Campus in B121. Dr. Sunera Thobani, professor of Women’s and Gender Studies at UBC willbe giving a lecture, “Imperialism, Feminism and the ‘War on Terror’.”

Following Dr. Thobani’s lecture, UFV’s Professor Ron Dart will also be giving a lecture, “Human Rights, Terrorism & the American Empire: The Double Hook.”

Copy Editor joel@ufvcascade.ca Joel Smart News Editor grace@ufvcascade.ca Grace Romund Opinion Editor dessa@ufvcascade.ca Dessa Bayrock Arts & Life Editor amy@ufvcascade.ca Amy Van Veen Sports Editor sean@ufvcascade.ca Sean Evans Photojournalist Rebecca Groen Staff Writers Karen Aney, Jennifer Colbourne, Joe Johnson, Sasha Moedt, Leanna Pankratz, Alexei Summers Contributors Balraj Dhillon, Becky Franklyn, Paige Hoblak, James Inglis, Aaron Levy, Bonnie MacLellan, Kenneth Muir, Lesley Poh, Tanya Ruscheinski, Jayne Simpson, Tim Ubels Printed By International WebExpress

The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Friday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of 75 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature.

Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only.

Articles and letters to the editor must be typed.

The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content. The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition.

Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

NEWS

Dean of Trades and Technology retires

Goya exhibit comes to Abbotsford

grace romund

grace romund

After nine years as dean of faculty of trades and technology and over 16 years before that as director of the faculty before the creation of the dean’s position, Harv McCullough will be retiring from his current position.

The Provost’s office hosted a farwell and retirement open house for McCullough at U-House last Tuesday. Many faculty and staff were in attendance to show their appreciation for McCullough. UFV’s President Mark Evered attended the event and had only fond words to share about McCullough.

“Harv McCullough has provided outstanding leadership to this university,” he said. “Not only has he been an excellent champion for trades and technology programs, but he has also served as mentor and advisor to many academic and administrative leaders on this campus, including a few presidents.”

On a more personal note, Evered said, “I have benefited immensely from his wise counsel and his support.”

McCullough has been at UFV for over 33 years, always relating to trades and technology. He recalled the faculty in its infancy.

“When I started, I was a carpentry instructor,” he said. “There were three vocational programs: carpentry, auto mechanics, and welding. We all started at the same time. I started that program. That was the beginning of trades training.”

Over the years McCullough has watched and has been involved in the expansion and development of trades training at UFV. He explained, “There were three trades programs, and now we have close to 30. Originally we had about 16 students in per program, so 48 students. Now we have hundreds.

Originally it was what we call hard trades (carpentry, automotive, welding, etc.). Now it includes

For the first time in its history, Abbotsford’s art gallery The Reach will be host to a travelling exhibit from the permanent collection of the National Gallery of Canada in Ottawa. The exhibition is a series of prints by the famous 18th century Spanish artist Francisco Goya y Lucientes.

The Goya exhibition is mainly comprised of a series of 80 prints entitled The Disasters of War which detail Goya’s impressions of the Peninsular War (1808-1814) when French armies led by Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Spain.

The second part of the exhibition is a rare bound edition of Goya’s satirical prints Los Caprichos.

This exhibition is famed as being one of the first series of works by an artist that express an anti-war and humanitarian commentary about the brutal realities of war.

Scott Marsden, the curator of the Reach, explained the relevance and importance of the Spanish 19th century man to people of today. “Goya was a printmaker, a painter, and an artist 200 years ago. He was mostly painting Spanish royalty, but when Napoleon came through in 1808 [Goya] was shocked so he bore witness to all the atrocities that Napoleon was inflicting on the Spanish people. That is really what this show is about. For example, there is a print of French soldiers cutting a man in half.

There are some pretty horrific images… He wasn’t the first to artist to bear witness to war, but he was one of the most important artists of the 19th century with a humanist view of war.” Marsden noted, “A lot of artists since then have used him as a foundation for their own exploration in terms of social justice and social issues within the confines of fine art.”

Suzanne Greening, the execu-

THE CASCADE

THE CASCADE

image: UFV

areas like electronics, hospitality, events planning, architectural planning, and others.”

After being an integral member of the trades and technology team at UFV for many years McCullough is moving on to the next chapter which isn’t full retirement just yet. McCullough will be staying on at UFV as an advisor for a time.

“I will now be a president’s advisor in community development partnerships. That is to ensure that we continue as a university to stay connected to the community and to industries. Since I have been involved since the beginning as trades training, I’ve always been involved in industry. A lot of people see me as a first point of contact. It doesn’t necessarily have to be trades training.”

McCullough is very connected to the community; he sits as a director on the Chamber of Commerce board of directors in Chilliwack and has also been invited to also sit on board of the Chamber of Commerce in Mission more recently.

Evered looks forward to having McCullough as an advisor. “I am very grateful for Harv’s willingness to give me a bit more of his time over the next year to serve as an advisor on community development and partnerships, an area where he excelled as Dean,” said Evered.

tive director of the Reach spoke about the upcoming exhibitions.

“We’re really pleased about having this exhibition. It is the first time we have had an exhibition from the National Gallery of Canada.” She explained, “The National Gallery of Canada is Canada’s national gallery which has a federal mandate. It keeps Canada’s art. Not only do they do exhibitions in Ottawa but they have a touring program as well.”

Greening explained how the prints and etchings were in response to war. There have always been wars, but rarely reflection or lessons learned from them. “Art is important because it has the capacity to teach,” she added.

After the exhibition opens, the Reach, in collaboration with The Peace and Development Education Program, Mennonite Central Committee, BC, will be holding a peace symposium at Matsqui Centennial Auditorium entitled “Goya: Conversations on War & Peace” on February 4. The symposium will begin with an exhibition tour led by the curator of the Reach, Scott Marsden and Dr. Dorothy Barenscott, an art historian and professor at UBC. A keynote speech will be delivered by

Ernie Regehr who is a Fellow at the Institute of Peace and Conflict Studies, at Conrad Grebel University College. The keynote speech will be followed by a panel discussion on the nature of peace today. Greening said the symposium is “to increase the scholarship of [the] exhibitions and how [they] engage people.”

“We can go to some of the bigger institutions like the Vancouver Art Gallery or the Glenbow museum in Calgary... and bring in bigger exhibitions. Quite often when institutions create exhibitions so much work goes into it that it’s nice if they can travel.

It exposes more people to great art. The Goya exhibition is coming from the National Gallery’s permanent collection, which is wonderful because that means that the collection which belongs to Canadians is coming out to the West Coast. We’re going to be the only BC venue for the exhibition.”

“Our primary mission is to be an exhibiting institution of art and heritage. We do both; we’re quite different in that. Usually there is either an art museum or a historical museum. Our mandate within that is to present local, regional, national and international art.”

The Goya exhibition coming to Abbotsford adds to the quality and diversity of programming.

Greening asserted that something such as the Goya exhibition now coming to the Reach is recognition by their peers across Canada that they are a professional institution. Greening also mentioned, “We are bringing in another [exhibition] from the National Gallery of Canada later this year.” The opening reception for the Goya exhibition as well as four other new exhibitions to the Reach will be on Thursday, January 26, at 7:30 p.m.

The Voice of Reason Advice from the Student Association for Philosophical Counselling (SAPC) serving the students of UFV Dear SAPC, I’ve been following your articles.

Time management, jealousy and friendship are all things I’ve come across too, but all these issues only started after I started university.

Does that mean that school is the root of my all problems? If so, why am I subjecting myself to that? Why am I subjecting myself to university when it is so hard and seems to be causing all these other problems? What’s the point??

Fed up and frustrated Dear fed up and frustrated,

You have clearly given this some thought and have tried to reason it out. You raise some good points and have proposed some connections, but it sounds like that’s where you’re stuck. There are two things we’d like to address. First, it is important not to confuse causes with effects. Specifically, the connections made between school and the other “issues” that have come up since having started university.

Many of us didn’t really have too much trouble managing our time when we were in high school so managing time was a new challenge (among many others)

when starting university. For this reason, it could be easily associated with something “caused” by university. However, learning to manage time was not caused by university. Learning to manage time was caused by a need to manage time. The effect university had on our time; the additional course load, or a course load that we were previously unfamiliar with forced us to prioritize our tasks and manage our time.

The second thing we would like to address is your question of “what is the point?” This is an interesting question because as we’ve discussed in an earlier ar-

ticle, we only question something when life happens not according to our plan. Given that it’s the beginning of a new semester and we’ve just come back from a holiday, our minds are fresh with the comparison of “life-withoutschool” and how great that was.

Add to that the recent week of school closure/missed classes and unanticipated and inconvenient weather—it’s undeniably an overwhelming time, take that into account. Often, when we feel overwhelmed, we feel a little compromised and question things we wouldn’t otherwise. We lose perspective in the chaos.

Epicurus said, “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

We, as students, started this journey for a reason. If that means flipping back to our high school

journal or revisiting the pages of our year book to re-ignite the flame of inspiration, so be it. In these times, we need go back to that moment when we decided we were going to pursue a university education. That affluent career, that degree, the happiness it would bring our parents, whatever our motivation was, we need to remember that and use that as our reminder to keep going. We know what the point is, sometimes we just need a reminder.

This is one of those times.

Our best wishes to you and all the readers for the upcoming term. Stay warm.

We hope this helps, SAPC If you’d like to respond to this issue, or ask a question, or get some advice from the SAPC you can do so by e-mailing grace@ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

5

NEWS

Liberal party is now the party of marijuana legalization JOE JOHNSON

THE CASCADE

“This is a great day. What started as an idea from a young Liberal in British Columbia has become a new policy of the Liberal Party of Canada. It shows you that one voice can make a difference,” pronounced Sangeeta Lalli, as a resolution to legalize marijuana was passed by the federal Liberal party earlier this month.

Lalli, a former Liberal candidate and BC co-chair at the recently concluded Liberal Biennial Convention, from January 13 to 15, where this motion passed, has a good deal of credit coming her way. She is the one responsible for assembling the votes from BC delegates which allowed for the motion to pass with a 77 per cent “yes” vote.

But with the only remaining major party to not support either legalization or decriminalization sitting in power, the Conservatives may be moving in the opposite way of the Liberals. As the omnibus crime bill is working its way through the House of Com-

mons, stiffer sentences are on their way in the form of mandatory minimum and longer maximum sentences.

However, Jodie Emery from the Cannabis Culture magazine believes that “most Canadians agree that marijuana shouldn’t be illegal and this is an important issue because of the costs involved.

And with the economy becoming the number one issue on people’s minds, it makes sense that we discuss how we can save money by ending prohibition and create revenue by having a legal market that reduces harm and promotes safe use.”

Emery may be onto something as a recent poll by Forum Research Inc. found that 66 per cent of Canadians favour reform in the law, by way of legalization or decriminalization, instead of punishment.

In fact, the number of Canadians who would prefer to keep the status quo is at 20 per cent. Further, another poll, one conducted by Angus-Reid in 2008, had found that over the past 30 years in Canada, support for legalization had increased by more than two-fold.

Image: Kiril Ignatyev

When the next election does occur in 2015, however, this support may or may not find its way into the Liberals platform. Since the resolution is non-binding, it leaves the issue on the table for the Liberals to take up or leave. Legalization is now their stance, but they are also free to choose to act. Of course, the majority of Canadians are on their side with this. Emery noted, “The Liberal party is adopt-

ing an idea that isn’t a bad idea at all. And in fact is becoming more popular among presidents and leaders of countries around the world, including all levels of government.”

Bob Rae, interim Liberal leader, when speaking about the overwhelming support from within his party on legalization stated, “What exists in Canada today is not working and that we clearly

need to move in a more positive direction.’’

It was the youth wing of the party – the Young Liberals of Canada, though, that had put forth the proposal itself at the convention.

Among over 100 other policies that were up for voting, it proved to be the fourth most popular in terms of number of votes cast in approval.

It’s proposal number 117 and is titled “Legalize and Regulate Marijuana.” Among increased education on marijuana and a framework for working with provincial jurisdictions, it states that a new Liberal government will “legalize marijuana and ensure the regulation and taxation of its production, distribution, and use, while enacting strict penalties for illegal trafficking, illegal importation and exportation, and impaired driving;” and “that a new Liberal government will extend amnesty to all Canadians previously convicted of simple and minimal marijuana possession, and ensure the elimination of all criminal records related thereto.”

NEWS BRIEFS

imgae: C.Elle

Image: nowpublic.com

Image: facebook.com

Ontario tuition grant falls short for province’s private universities

Syria tells Arab League to head for U.N. “or the moon”

Canada education sector toughest job market

New Leader at Research In Motion

University of New Brunswick looking to improve student dropout rates

ANCASTER, Ont. (CUP) ¡ª In late December 2011, Ontario’s Liberal government announced the introduction of the Ontario tuition grant. The grant is intended to reduce the financial stress on the province’s undergraduate population and was designed to cover 30 per cent of the average tuition paid by Ontario students.

However, the grant is not without its restrictions.

Mature students, students restricted by the Ontario Student Assistance Program (OSAP), students attending out-of-province universities and students attending Ontario’s privately funded universities are not eligible.

Ontario’s privately funded universities were not officially made aware of their students’ ineligibility until Jan. 12, and without formal explanation.

When asked specifically why students attending Ontario’s privately funded post-secondary institutions do not qualify for the grant, Tanya Blazina, spokeswoman for the ministry of training, colleges and universities, simply stated that “the grant is only available to students attending Ontario’s publicly funded colleges and universities.” That information can also be found on the OSAP website.

Dr. Hubert Krygsman, president of Redeemer University College, and Dr. Gary Nelson, president of Tyndale University College in Toronto, offer puzzled explanations to their students.

“We don’t know entirely why our students are being excluded, but it appears to be partly for budget reasons,” said Krygsman. “Certainly Redeemer is authorized

by Ontario legislation to grant degrees and to call ourselves a university, and our students were always eligible for OSAP. It seems unfair that our students do not receive the grant.”

BEIRUT (Reuters) - Gulf Arab states withdrew their observers from Syria on Tuesday after it rejected an Arab League peace plan stipulating that President Bashar al-Assad surrender power, and the group’s chief called for U.N. help in ending Syria’s bloody upheaval.

Syrian Foreign Minister Walid al-Moualem accused the League of plotting to engineer foreign intervention in the crisis, in which thousands of civilians and members of security forces have been killed in a 10-month-old uprising against Assad.

“Definitely the solution in Syria is not the solution suggested by the Arab League, which we have rejected.

They have abandoned their role as the Arab League and we no longer want Arab solutions to the crisis,” Moualem said.

“Heading to the Security Council will be the third stage in their plan, and the only thing left is the last step of internationalization,” he told a news conference in Damascus.

“They can head to New York or to the moon. So long as we are not paying for their tickets it is none of our concern.”

The bloodshed in Syria, whose revolt was inspired by others that have toppled three Arab leaders, has battered Assad’s standing in the world, with Iran among his few remaining allies.

The United Nations says more than 5,000 people have been killed since the revolt erupted in March. Damascus says “terrorists” have killed more than 2,000 soldiers and police

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Unemployed workers in Canada’s educational services sector faced the toughest job market in the country in the JulySeptember period, according to a new Statistics Canada report on Tuesday.

For every 10 unemployed workers in education, there was just one vacancy, the agency’s new data on job vacancies in the three-month period showed. The second worst sector was construction where the ratio was 5.1.

The data is not seasonally adjusted to account for layoffs during the summer months but Statscan said the ratio had been high in the education sector for earlier months of 2011 as well.

Of the 10 largest industrial sectors, wholesale trade and health care and social assistance had the lowest ratio, meaning there were fewer job hunters competing for each position.

Canadian businesses had, on average, 248,000 job vacancies in the period with an average ratio of unemployment to vacancies of 3.3.

The national vacancy rate, defined as the number of vacant positions divided by labor demand, was 1.7 percent.

Because Statscan released the job vacancy data for the first time, using a three-month average, there was no historical comparison available.

TORONTO/LONDON (Reuters) - The new leader at Research In Motion on Monday dismissed talk of drastic change at the BlackBerry maker, a declaration seized on by impatient investors who say Thorsten Heins has only 12 to 18 months to turn RIM around.

Takeover talk, swirling around RIM for months, picked up steam as Heins took the helm at a once-dominant smartphone company that now struggles to compete.

But RIM’s shares tumbled more than 8 percent as investors wondered whether Heins could reverse RIM’s decline.

“I don’t think that there is some drastic change needed.

We are evolving ... but this is not a seismic change,” said Heins, who joined RIM in 2007 and previously served as a chief operating officer.

RIM’s co-CEOs Mike Lazaridis and Jim Balsillie, the men who engineered RIM’s rise, resigned on Saturday after intense investor pressure. Their presence had been seen as a big obstacle to a possible sale of the company, although Heins insisted that was not an option he was considering.

Shareholders and analysts have grown impatient in recent months and calls for Lazaridis and Balsillie to step aside had reached a crescendo. RIM has lost market share and market value after being comprehensively outplayed by Silicon Valley tech giants Apple and Google.

“If Thorsten really believes that there are no changes to be made, he will be gone within 15 to 18 months. He will be a transitional CEO and this will be a transitional board,” said Jaguar CEO Vic Alboini, who leads an informal group of 16 RIM shareholders calling for a radical restructuring. The group holds a little less than 10 percent of RIM’s stock.

FREDERICTON (CUP) ¡ª The Maritime Provinces Higher Education Commission (MPHEC) reported in a recent survey post-secondary institutions in the Maritimes lose about 33 per cent of students at the end their first year.

Of that, the humanities, arts and social sciences faculties endure the lowest retention rate, with only 73 per cent of students returning for year two.

It’s a trend Scott Duguay is all too familiar with.

The special assistant to the vice-president academic at the University of New Brunswick watched enrollment rates etch a consistent path up and down graphs for the past decade ¡ª UNB rounding out at just over 12,000 for the Fredericton and Saint John campuses. The rates haven’t fallen, but, more importantly for Duguay, they haven’t gone up.

This is why the university administration has pledged to enhance the student experience and boost retention through a number of initiatives falling under the Student Experience Measurement Plan.

Duguay, who is spearheading the project, has scoured the MPHEC database in search of trends and a possible answer to increasing student persistence. However, the figures only tell part of the story. It’s the “why”s that get him.

“If you’re looking at retention, you could say, ‘How many students do I have in a program?’ and then, ‘How many students do I have in the program next year?’” he said.

“But they could be completely different students.”

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

NEWS

UFV Agriculture department growing with Pacific Berry Resource Centre tANYA RUSCHEINSKI

CONTRIBUTOR

Although the UFV Pacific Berry Resource Centre has been up and running since November 2011, it will finally have a permanent home in the south end of UFV’s Chilliwack campus as of May or June 2012.

The centre is the result of the collaboration of many including the BC Ministry of Agriculture, the Fraser Valley Strawberry Growers Association, the British Columbia Blueberry Council, and the Raspberry Industry Development Council.

“It’s supposed to bring all the research together in one place,” explained Tom Baumann, agriculture department coordinator, full-time professor and current head of the centre. “It’s always been within the different organizations, [but] this is all supposed to come together now.”

According to Baumann, the centre will focus on three main

goals: performing research, teaching students and providing extension service (i.e. pay compensation) to local growers who offer up their fields for research, highlighting the great amount of student involvement that takes place through the centre.

“We’re working together with students that are also producers in the field,” said Baumann.

“We’re doing trials at their fields with their plants and [ultimately] working very closely with the growers.”

One of the most exciting features of the centre, however, is its independence from university control in determining what it does, noted Baumann.

“I fought hard for this because I don’t want the university to dictate what’s being done,” said Baumann. Rather, the centre is collaborating with the BC Agriculture Industry and a steering committee within it that will determine what the centre gets involved in.

“So the industry will actually be guiding the centre at UFV,”

said Baumann, “which is a little bit different than normal but is great for the industry.”

By doing so, the centre is reflecting some of the top U.S. models for similar centres and is confident that the voices of growers will be heard. “We will be even more embedded within the industry and the industry will be looking to us as well,” Baumann further explained.

From a bigger picture perspective, the Pacific Berry Resource Centre is only one among many projects Baumann has planned for the rapidly growing UFV Agriculture Department.

Efforts to expand the amount of agriculture credentials available to students are in the works.

“As enrollment has increased drastically in agriculture we’re now looking at students who don’t just want to finish with a diploma, they want to go on to earn either a three or four-year degree,” said Baumann.

Expanding the department’s programs is something that not

only students are asking for but that the industry is promoting as well, Baumann noted, making things look very hopeful for the future.

UFV already has two agriculture-related degrees, a Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA) of Agriculture Management and a pre-vet concentration under a Bachelor of Science (BSc) biology major. With an increase in demand, however, the department is now working with the dean of science, Ora Steyn, to come up with a planned science degree and a livestock degree. Baumann also highlights the potential for cross-program involvement with other UFV departments that will offer involvement for students outside the agriculture program.

“With the new degrees we’re going to be working closely with other departments like geography and biology,” said Baumann, “so anybody that has any interest work[ing] in the subject area of berries can get involved.”

Student involvement extends

beyond the lifespan of the program, said Baumann. The opening of the Pacific Berry Resource Centre has resulted in the hiring of a few UFV graduates who Baumann hopes will come to play a large role in the centre’s operations. One of these hopefuls is Eric Gerbrandt, a former UFV student currently working on his Ph.D. in Saskatchewan is working closely with the Pacific Berry Resource Centre in his research.

Another alumnus is Garion Loehndorf, who is involved in research at the centre and particularly in the matters of extension service. Lastly, Sarah Zonneveld is currently attending UFV for her horticulture certificate and is an assistant at the centre.

Baumann hopes that more of these students will be able to be hired at the centre in the future and highlights the longevity of opportunities available through the centre for students involved in agriculture and, of course, berries.

The Human Body Project: an exercise in non-domination sasha moedt

THE CASCADE

VICTORIA, B.C. It would be interesting to ask Tasha Diamant what her nightmares are about. She regularly presents in front of an audience entirely naked.

She doesn’t plan her presentation, but only talks unscripted and unprepared, speaking haltingly, visibly anxious. Her body hair, everywhere, is unshaven; her armpit hair clings, slicked wet with sweat - it trickles down her sides. She takes deep breaths. She falls silent, watching the audience watch her, and the tension is palpable. Tasha Diamant deliberately lives a nightmare.

Tasha Diamant presented the Human Body Project at the annual Canadian University Press Conference recently held in Victoria.

Her project is to share a visceral experience of vulnerability and embody the fragility and morality of humanity, to bring forth unity, shared responsibility and compassion in her audience.

Diamant, at 50-years-old, is a former journalist for Macleans and visual artist, and has been presenting the Human Body Project since 2006. She has presented at various conferences as well as at several Canadian Fringe theatre festivals. Yet Diamant admits that presenting the Human Body Project, being naked in front of a roomful of strangers, is still very difficult and uncomfortable. With insecurity and a conservative background, she struggles with anxiety every lecture.

The presentation moved the audience. As she takes off her clothes, any witness would say that Tasha

Diamant embodied vulnerability.

She is a teacher, yet her lecture is marked by that vulnerability. It’s not an exhibition of courage; it’s a stripping away of defenses, of pride and face that humanity carries. She didn’t try to defend or explain or laugh anything off, just spoke seriously and uneasily.

Her explanation of the Human Body Project was far from eloquent – it was authentic.

“You should consider this an exercise in non-domination,” Diamant said to the audience. It’s a reaction against our way of living.

Humanity is quickly destroying the earth because of their need for dominance. “The tools we’ve been given aren’t working,” Diamant continued. “They’re only giving us harm.”

Diamant explained that dominance isn’t going to save us, not even to get us out of this cycle of destruction. This unprepared lecture and honest nakedness shows a vulnerability that humanity shares. We don’t know how to abide in this vulnerability, and we are destroying a planet that is just as fragile because of this.

“The fact that there is no global unity is outrageous,” Diamant said. Her example of fragility and vulnerability revealed represents humanity underneath this, and brings compassion and connectedness forward in the audience.

As Diamant stood in front of us, she told us to “move beyond the words. Words have crushed us with their fricking built structures. I want to invite you to be in your own bodies... We‘re too bogged down in words.”

As Diamant spoke, she invited the audience to join her on stage, and experience that vulnerability.

By the end of the lecture, fifteen

Image: humanbodyproject.com

audience members had indeed joined her, and stood naked in front of the audience.

Tasha Diamant says that motherhood made things different for her, and inspired an unending urgency to do something for change.

“I have a Master’s in education, so this could be called a lecture, a seminar, a presentation – whatever. I was moved by urgency.”

The reaction of the audience differed. For those who did join Diamant couldn’t describe how surreal and emotional, and especially unexpected, the experience was.

Diamant’s bravery and beauty in that was inspiring for many.

However, another audience member described the experience

as a “nudist altar call,” after the presentation, saying nakedness shouldn’t be considered a medium to become fragile and vulnerable, but to be comfortable. Though she agreed the body is a strong message, especially one of an older female, she questioned its use in Diamant‘s purpose: “should nudity be about vulnerability or empowerment?”

Another member was inspired

by Diamant’s own presentation.

“But I was disappointed in the change of atmosphere caused by group dynamics. It was no longer just her, but a group of kids emboldened by each other’s nudity.”

“They didn’t seem vulnerable and honest, they commented on

the feeling of nudity, and cracked nervous jokes rather than being silent... There was a peer pressure happening, but still only those people who would be most vulnerable in their nakedness remained in the audience, only the confident and outgoing students were in front.”

Whatever the reaction, Tasha Diamant’s presentation of human vulnerability was powerful.

Her non-dominant steps towards change is reminiscent of the nonviolent Occupy movement.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

7

NEWS

Student journalism conference goes viral alexei summers

THE CASCADE/BBC

A Canadian University Press student journalism conference in Victoria became a waking nightmare for students on Saturday January 14, when a large number of student delegates in attendance fell ill from an outbreak of Norovirus. Sickness quickly overtook delegates from the various academic student newspapers from around the country, all of whom were lodged in the Harbour Towers Hotel in Victoria.

The outbreak occurred shortly after dinner and lasted well into the night. The hotel lobby was in a state of rushed panic on early Sunday morning as students who had not yet been infected with the virus scrambled to pack their belongings and flee the hotel, leaving their sickly counterparts behind.

While not deadly to persons with healthy immune systems, Norovirus, formerly referred to as Norwalk Virus, can prove fatal in persons with compromised immune systems, such as the elderly or ill. The Canadian University Press (CUP) staff made efforts to contain the virus, and students remaining at the hotel took to voluntarily quarantine. Some students and conference speak-

ers required hospitalization from serious dehydration and lack of nutrition.

The night of January 14th was supposed to be a night of light frivolity, and fun for the students as they were ushered into buses taking them to the University of Victoria campus across the city where they were to attend a gala event celebrating another successful year of student journalism.

The event was ended early when some began to exhibit symptoms of the virus and students began vomiting in the poorly-ventilated buses, causing further spread of the virus.

Immediately following the outbreak, users of Twitter began to post about the rapidly spreading illness, inciting panic among hotel guests. Soon major news media outlets were tipped off to the wave of illness that was washing over the student journalists. The actual number of infected has risen significantly in past days.

Originally it was reported that only 30 students were sick. Now it is being reported that the number might be closer to 75.

All of the student journalists have now headed home to their various cities across the country, spreading concern that they have taken the virus with them. Some airlines initially refused to allow

the students to fly, and as such the students were quarantined in the hotel until the airlines decided it was safe for them to travel. The Harbour Towers Hotel allowed the remaining students to stay in the hotel for free until they were able to leave.

An investigation of the incident is being launched. So far it has been determined by Vancouver Island Health Authority (VIHA) that the food at the hotel was not to blame for the outbreak. VIHA has issued an influenza information brochure that is available online pointing out that Norovirus is still contagious within 48 hours of the host’s final symptoms.

VIHA also urged those who have come in contact with norovirus to wash their hands with soap and hot water often to reduce possible spreading the virus.

There were 15 members of the University of the Fraser Valley in attendance at the conference, representing The Cascade. Four members of the group fell ill with the virus within the first night, and an additional two members became sick a few days afterward.

Everyone involved has since fully recovered.

Abbotsford women take a stand for purity LEANNA PANKRATZ

THE CASCADE

It all began at a small Abbotsford church called The River, where Lisa Marziali, Amy Schmidt, Danielle Michaud, and Tamara Larson bonded over common interests and their commonality as 29 to 30-year-old women who are all single and virginal.

Virginity, as a choice, reflects the four’s Christian beliefs that God calls Christians to remain pure and abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage. The foursome became fast friends, and before long, a plan for a book dealing with single life, virginity, and dating began to take shape. The ideas for the book slowly evolved into a blog, to be called www.ConfessionsOfA29YearOldVirgin.com. The blog was meant to provide a community for each other and others like them, as well as a method of processing and sharing the laughter, tears, joy, and sometimes loneliness faced by any single woman through weekly entries.

One month into the blog’s existence, the women were surprised by a phone call from television network TLC, who was interested in the four being involved in the pilot of a new series to be called Virgin Diaries. After careful consideration, and in the four’s own words, a “whole lot of prayer,” they said yes, and so began a flurry of media attention that has provided a platform for these

women to share their stories.

The Cascade had the opportunity to speak with Lisa Marziali— a 30-year-old photographer, and one of the four young women behind the blog—about the proverbial whirlwind that has been the past few months. “It’s been so exciting, a blessing, and truly challenging in some ways,” she stated. “But above all, it’s been a fantastic medium to get our story out there, and to communicate the stand we are taking through our choice to live a life of sexual purity. It’s a polarizing subject, and there are many people with strong opinions, but we love inspiring discussion and conversation.”

In a culture that thrives on sexuality as a commodity, the concept of virginity as a conscious decision is one that is not often discussed in an all-inclusive and well-rounded manner. “We want to break the stereotypes,” said Marziali firmly, referring to the often caricatured version of the abstinent male or female. “We’re normal, fun-loving girls, who live genuinely full and thriving existences without sex. It’s possible!” she laughed. “Sex is a wonderful thing in its intended context – marriage between two loving people. Until then, it doesn’t have to play a role.”

The success of the blog has opened up many doors for conversation and discussion among readers and creators. When asked about any specific encounters with readers, Marziali gets excit-

ed. “We’ve gotten so many emails from women all over the world.

A lot of these messages are from women thanking us for showing them that they’re not alone in their pursuit. There have been many guys, too, that message us to say thank you, and to encourage us that there are men out there that agree with this pursuit of purity.”

“One message that stands out in my mind, however, is a message we got from a girl in England who said that our blog was what got her through 2011. If our story can reach even that one girl, then that makes it all worth it. That is why we are here.”

Marziali stressed that their purpose is not to push their lifestyle on anyone. “Our aim is to be non-judgmental. We are not trying to “reach” anyone. Not everyone is going to choose virginity, but anyone can learn from someone who shares their story. And that’s what we are doing – sharing our stories.”

When asked about specific challenges in the sudden wave of media attention, Marziali paused.

“Most negative attention comes from individuals who don’t know who we are. It comes from assumptions about us and our lifestyle that are completely untrue.

We don’t read negative feedback, because we know why we are here. We are confident. I know who I am, and what my calling is,” she continued. “I’m on top of the world right now.”

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

OPINION

Aid through reform, not more funding A critical look at the Attawapiskat crisis SEAN EVANS THE CASCADE

Over the past few months, the press has been littered with articles about the humanitarian crisis in the Attawapiskat Native Reserve in northern Ontario. Some have blamed the federal government for a lack of funding, while others have taken aim at the leaders of the reserve for a lack of fiscal accountability and for floundering away up to $90 million—the numbers are debated—since the Conservatives took power in 2006.

Others still have called for the finger pointing to stop and for the problem to be fixed.

The problem facing Attawapiskat cannot be viewed in isolation.

What we’re seeing in the small community of approximately 1500 residents is indicative of widespread dysfunction in the way in which native reserves and the federal government interact. Each year, Attawapiskat receives $17.6 million in federal funding, $4.4 million in provincial funding and approximately $12 million in local revenues. According to these figures, the small community operates on a budget of approximately $34 million per year.

That works out to approximately $22,666 per person, man, woman, and child. A family of five represents $113,333 of available funds per year in the community. When viewed in light of the current state of the small community, something is clearly wrong.

Obviously, the individual resident of Attawapiskat does not recieve a cheque for $22,666 each year. Funding from the federal and provincial governments is handled by the Attawapiskat council. With these funds, the council is expected to provide the community with all of the services that federal and provincial governments provide to other Canadians – education, transportation, emergency housing, and so forth. The problem is, however, that these services are simply not being provided in Attawapiskat.

It is unclear how this large sum of money has been spent over the last few decades. In fact, an audit last year reported that the band is $11.3 million in debt.

At this point, it would be easy to rant about the utter foolishness of the Attawapiskat band in not having any form of a functioning budget. It would easy to rant about the failure of the federal and provincial governments to provide adequate guidance and oversight while sending millions and millions of dollars into a black hole.

Image: Paul Lantz

Attawapiskat First Nation Office 1990s It would be easy to rant about the ludicrous salaries ‘earned’ by the Chief and council members. It would be easy to rant about the fact that many reserves are simply not sustainable and the need for the A-word – assimilation.

I choose my wording carefully: I am a white male, and I see things from the perspective of who I am.

We must not hide from the fact race is an issue here. It is difficult not to become frustrated when I see the vast amount of money that is pumped into the reserve system and the social and economic devastation that has resulted. The problem, however, is that if the federal government demands the right to insure fiscal accountability and proper management of funds, many natives will cry foul – that their national sovereignty is at stake.

As a white male, however, I must take a step back and realize that, although I have never given blankets infected with smallpox to unsuspecting natives, I am guilty of that action. I have reaped the benefits of that crime through the land that I live on and eat from. Although I have never stolen young native children from their families and forced them to adopt European language and culture through attending residential schools, subjecting them to physical, emotion-

al, and sexual abuse, I am guilty of that crime. As a white male, a part of the cultural majority, my way of life has thrived following the destruction of native cultures. As Canadians, we must own up to the fact that our past is a part of our present. The devastating social problems that plague native populations in Canada are, in some measure, the result of our actions.

What I have come to realize, and what we must continue to remember, is that the issues facing Attawapiskat are human issues.

I have seen first-hand the social and financial problems that face those on reserves through a cousin who lives on a reserve with her young family. I have glimpsed the struggles faced by the First Nations people, and it causes me to remember that these are human beings, just like me. There are people in that small, isolated reserve who are hurting. Children are suffering, mothers are not sure where the next meal will come from, and fathers are struggling to provide for their families. For now, we need to let the brutal mismanagement of funds go for the moment, and focus on simply helping these people who are in a desperate position.

What would it look like for us to help them? For the small reserve of Attawapiskat, it would mean

stepping in to provide emergency shelter, clothing, and food. Chief Theresa Spence has demanded that the federal government send $1.5 million so that payroll can be made. At the same time, Spence has refused to allow a third-party manager, appointed by the federal government, to step in to get the situation under control. Would it really be helping the people of Attawapiskat by simply cutting another cheque and washing our hands of the situation? No. By no means. In a letter to the federal government, Grand Chief Stan Louttit, regional chief of the Attawapiskat area, wrote that “[o] ur idea all along has been… [to] reinstate the autonomy of the Attawapiskat First Nation.” This poses a problem. Quite clearly Attawapiskat has not been fiscally autonomous for a long time, and in their autonomous self-governance, they have failed to properly manage and plan.

As Canadians, we must take a step back and look at the situation of the reserve system. As I have noted, we owe a debt to the First Nations of Canada, so I do not suggest a complete elimination of the fiscal benefits they receive, nor do I suggest a simple assimilation.

That said, we must reform the Indian Act and change the way that life on the reserve functions – if

reserves are to continue to exist at all. We must, and First Nations must, reconsider the future of our Nations. First Nations communities, like those in the position of Attawapiskat, must consider the lives of their children. Is there a future for them on the reserve? At the moment, it looks doubtful. We must question whether or not it is ultimately helpful or harmful to continue sustaining communities that are simply unsustainable. It is not only Attawapiskat that is at stake -- if Attawapiskat serves as a sort of litmus test of the functioning of the reserve system, changes are clearly needed. The system is deeply flawed. Should we not encourage fiscal sustainability and autonomy, rather than simply sending funds, year after year?

Are we, as non-native Canadians, to be forever sending money into an abysmal system of isolation and continuous patterns of poverty and social ills? Perhaps we ought to reconsider what we owe to the First Nations of Canada.

Do we owe it to them to continue sending money to corrupt and illequipped chiefs and councils? Or do we owe it to them to support their moving forward toward integrating—integration, not assimilation—into Canadian society?

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 , 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

9

OPINION

Lights without action

Breasts implants run amok in France

PAIGE HOBLAK CONTRIBUTOR

A few weeks ago, I was driving to only God knows where when I caught a glimpse of the brightest moon I had ever seen, or so I thought. This intense light enticed me to the point where my attention became focused on it rather than the road; let’s just say my father would not have been impressed by my wandering eyes. As it turns out, this intense light was coming from one of the two neon Hollywood-like signs that recently went up in Abbotsford.

These signs are centrally located and sponsored by Pattison as an advertising project to generate business for local companies, as well as profit for the city of Abbotsford through advertisement. This idea is nice in theory. However, I’m not sure when the city council members and economic developers of this town will realise that we are not the bustling city they are trying to portray us as. We most likely never will be.

The beauty of Abbotsford lives in the silence, the stunning mountains that surround us, and the proximity to Vancouver. Although the local aspect of this once quaint, farming town may be disappearing, I don’t think that sticking neon signs in the midst of it will prove a point in challenging our city’s character. These signs stick out to the point in which it looks like Abbotsford is losing confidence in itself -- perhaps entering an identity crisis.

People seem to agree with my thoughts on the digital media signs.

I spoke with Abbotsford Director of Tourism Yvonne Hayden, who seemed somewhat unsettled (albeit

One of two neon signs in the city of Abbotsford hopeful) about our current local economic situation. She gave me her perspective on how important it is to support local events such as those held at the Abbotsford Entertainment Centre. I agree with her on this to some extent innot everyone wants to go see a hockey game. Maybe we would have rather seen that money dispersed through a variety of developments to increase the actual level of entertainment and other events in Abbotsford.

Personally, I think Abbotsford would profit if the demographic was studied and city developments were subsequently a more organized. Instead of randomly putting up new buildings that cost a fortune in hopes of generating future profit, the city planners and economic developers should be coming up with a plan—perhaps a survey—in which

Image: Stewart Seymour

they ask where taxpayers want their money to go.

To focus on a particular demographic, I find it distressing that youth in Abbotsford have so little to do in this town. They wind up spending their time walking around Sevenoaks mall or drinking themselves into oblivion. My suggestions may sound juvenile or out-dated., but nonetheless, I would love to see a roller rink or a drive-in theatre, or an open performance stage in which held a variety of different shows -from dance to symphony to plays and spoken-word poetry -- could be performed. These sorts of things could benefit our city. Maybe not economically, but they could enhance our city’s character without the need for the lights, neon, or identity crisis.

The politics of cameras in British Columbia’s courts JOE JOHNSON THE CASCADE

Cameras in the BC courtroom might not seem like a popular topic, but the idea is hotly debated right now. Since the Vancouver riot, there’s been a move to punish those involved and it appears shaming them the government’s tactic of choice. Premier Christy Clark has been championing to broadcast the trials of those accused, and she’s being very public about it. If this happens, precedence could very well be set and would change some basic tenants of our justice system.

If cameras are brought in for the riot trials, it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve been used in Canada: they’ve also found their way into the high profile polygamy trials. Of course, because the polygamy trial is in the Supreme Court of Canada— which has regularly recorded their proceedings in the past—their use isn’t particularly unexpected. But the riot trials are in the BC court system, which hasn’t traditionally accepted the recording of their procedures; it’s another story.

Certainly the courts could use greater accountability and transparency, and having cameras in place would allow for that. But to be blunt, there is a reason I oppose the idea of having trials broadcast. It creates an entirely new dynamic, and is being used as a political tool to smear

“Courtroom cameras are a political tool to smear the faces of people who have not yet been convicted.” the faces of people who have not yet been convicted of any crimes.

Right now, as charges are laid, the people’s names become public and they are exposed. Generally, as these people are making their way to or from the courthouse, the media tries to catch up with them and put them on camera. Once these people enter the court, however, that coverage ends. This amount of camera time is minor and most people can hide their faces; it doesn’t give the media much to go on.

My own personal question is this: is lambasting the faces of those who are still not convicted really in the best interest of the public? After all, these people will still face the courts for their supposed actions, and they’ll either be sentenced or found not guilty. Adding cameras is certainly not helpful. In fact, it’s problematic.

First off, there may be objections

from the defense as not all lawyers will want to be displayed. It’s easy to see how a lawyer with a losing cause would be opposed to be broadcast as a guilty verdict comes in. But even more serious could be issues arising with witnesses. The implications for witnesses are huge, and for many reasons – including intimidation or external complications for simply being at court – they might not want to be shown. If they were shown, it may even be grounds for having the case appealed.

Even the Crown prosecutors aren’t pleased with the idea; they actually understand the implications of having a trial broadcast.

Things become tricky when you try to balance credibility and openness in the court system with the potential issues that come from giving the system that openness. What should not be in play during the balancing of this process is the meddling of a government that is solely looking for votes.

As for Clark, her quest for ‘getting tough’ optics on the rioters merely comes across as pandering. The court system doesn’t need this. And while the debate over televising the riot trials has no easy answer, maybe we should consider that the courts might be closed to cameras for a reason.

Silicone gel-filled prostheses LEANNA PANKRATZ THE CASCADE

Poly Implants Prostheses, you have some s’plainin’ to do. How is it that under the watchful eye of a world renowned company, 50,000 women’s boobs have been filled with materials also found in fuel additives and rubber tubing?

PIP is a French implant provider considered to be one of the world’s most trusted. The company has also been the target of a recent scandal involving the usage of industrial grade silicone in place of medically sterilized fillers in their implants, after several cases of implants leaking and rupturing. Rupturing.

Now, let’s close our eyes and imagine the trauma of discovering that a silicone cushion of planted inside your bosom has ruptured and deflated, spreading of industrial goo throughout your breast, and eventually leading to the leeching of toxic silicon into your body system. Side effects of said ruptures involve serious boob itchiness, tissue bleeding, localized necrosis, hardening and scarring of breast tissue, and breasts that are left misshapen and uneven.

Sounds like a ripe good time to me.

As if that’s not bad enough, there have been cases of cancer reported by eight women. Tragically, two of those eight women have died. An estimated 50,000 women have been implanted with these low-grade prosthetics. PIP, you may not wash your hands of this travesty.

Let’s get this out of the way first: I’m all in favour of boob jobs. I care not for the battle cry that’s bound to follow any public pro-plastic comments. If a woman wants to add a little bang to her bod through the placement of cosmetic fillers into her breasts, so be it. I actually happen to admire those women who muster the courage to go all the way and make changes to an aspect of their body that perhaps have made them insecure. Yes, one must love their natural body first, but there are certainly cases that I’ve come across that grant validity to the fact that some women are just happier with Cs over As. “Getting a boob job by no means makes me a bimbo,” says Jacqueline LaBoissonier, an Abbotsford woman who admitted to receiving breast implants four years ago. “If anything, it’s increased my confidence. Among my biggest pet peeves are the critics who accuse me of selling out to society’s beauty ideal. My Double Cs have been two of the finest purchases I’ve made.”

Image: FDA

Now what if one (or both!) of those fine purchases popped like a water balloon inside the breast?

Would that not require some due follow-up action? According to court officials, and many members of the observing public, the answer is actually a resounding no. There has been much discrepancy between countries with affected women as to what actions will be taken - some countries will pay for removal and replacement, others for removal only, and other not at all. This fact, simply put, makes me quite angry.

It’s not as if these women were getting under the table implants from some sketchy pseudo-doctor.

These were not black market boobs.

These were ladies looking for a safe and sanitary way to increase the size of their breasts – be it for reasons of insecurity, sexual satisfaction, or even such cases of women dealing with the effects of a mastectomy.

The fact that Poly Implants Prothesis could go 10 whole years misusing the trust placed upon them by their patients for the wholly selfish reason of saving a few bucks is beyond infuriating to me.

Even worse, however, is the trouble these victimized women have faced from the court officials they’ve attempted to bring their case to. In discussion with friends over the issue, I was surprised to hear the amount of “they had it coming” comments. It’s almost as if the issue is somehow lessened due to the fact that the surgery was essentially a cosmetic procedure – that the patients/victims were basically asking for it in the first place by even considering a boob job. People, particularly women, seem to have something against anything that might remotely smell of vanity or money that perhaps wasn’t spent in an “appropriate” manner.

If I went the rest of my life without a breast augmentation, I would remain perfectly healthy. No one person on this planet is going to die from lack of silicone. However, does a procedure being “unnecessary” and “cosmetic” (no matter how potentially life/sex/mojo-enhancing) discredit the plight these women now face for perhaps the rest of their lives? It’s time to let go of the boob job bias.

Meanwhile, did any of these women go into surgery expecting to be filled with industrial silicone?

I think not. Poly Implants Prothesis made a gross mistake in devaluing these women by cutting corners – basically telling them that their boobs are worth being pumped with second-rate plastic.

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www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

OPINION

No first years allowed JENNIFER COLBOURNE THE CASCADE

High school students shouldn’t even bother applying to UFV this year.

Each semester, the waitlists have been getting longer and longer. But I don’t need to tell you this. We all know the insanity of registration.

We all know the horror stories. Students who couldn’t get into classes they needed to graduate. Students who take classes they don’t need and have no interest in just so they can enroll in enough courses to get a student loan. Students who don’t end up in enough classes, lose their student loans, and end up jobless and unable to find gainful employment.

At the same time, there are plenty of unemployed or underemployed professors. But it’s like pulling teeth to get the school to open more courses. As for the school, they’re under serious budget constraints and need more money from the government. As for the government, they’ve got their own budgets to slash. Basically, it’s one big chain of not-enough-money.

Happy recession, folks!

There’s no easy answer to this problem. But the sad reality is that students are suffering. Students are unable to learn, and that’s a tragedy. We should be celebrating that the doors are bursting with students eager to get into classes. Instead, we’re all just hoping the problem will go away. It’s not going to get any easier, though.

See, when the recession first hit, young people realized there were no jobs. So they took the opportunity to go to school. Thus, each subsequent year, high school students graduate, find there are no jobs, and go to university. Now we’re filling up to the bursting point. First and second year students barely have a hope of getting into classes they want. If you don’t have a registration date in the first week, you are certain to be waitlisted. Registration is discouraging, not exciting.

The great irony is that when you finally graduate, you can’t find a job and you’re stuck with student loans and high interest rates to pay off.

So what should we do? Though, as per usual, our university hasn’t been putting up much of a stink, the Where’s The Funding (WTF)

campaign started last semester to fight on students’ behalf. It sort of feels like a hopeless screaming match, though, as we stand alongside all the other groups demanding money. Still, it is important that we let our needs be known. It isn’t too much to ask UFV that a few more courses be added. It isn’t too much to ask that the government lower student loan interest rates.

We should at least fight the small battles, but I wouldn’t hold out hope that we’ll win the war anytime soon.

The struggles that students are experiencing right now are just one block in the tumbling line of dominos we call our economy. First, the youth lost their jobs. Now, we’re losing school. Will we lose our futures too? The number of students I know who are working at a Tim Hortons with a bachelor’s degree can attest to that possibility.

The shit is going to hit the fan sooner or later. It’s time to ask yourself the question: what are you going to do? Something has to give.

Red Social network ALEXEI SUMMERS THE CASCADE

Things have changed in Cuba.

Gone are the days of Cold War standoffs and naval blockades between Kennedy and Khrushchev.

U.S. President John F. Kennedy once referred to Cuba as “that imprisoned island.” That was during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and now the small Caribbean island has armed itself not with missiles but social networking. Cuba now has a social networking website that looks almost identical to the popular social networking site Facebook. Aptly named “Red Social,” the site itself, from screenshots posted on the internet, appears to mimic Facebook’s iconic style. In fact, little seems to be changed.

Cuba is a communist country run by revolutionary Fidel Castro – a charismatic, bearded leader who is well-known for having an iron-like vice grip on all information coming in and coming out of the nation.

In the ‘60s, Cuba made headlines

by being a staging ground for USSR missile sites. There was a fierce naval blockade by the United States, and nuclear weapons were nearly used several times. Since then, Cuba has been affected by a trade embargo imposed by the United States when, after a long revolution, the country off Florida’s coast became a communist state. To this day, American law dictates that its citizens are not allowed to visit Cuba, nor do business in or with Cuba. It’s yet to be seen if this new move towards social networking will have any effect on USCuban Relations. The site itself is not accessible outside of the island, as it runs on an intranet system.

The trade embargo itself has been highly criticized, as have the restrictions on access of information within Cuba. It’s been questioned whether the US should continue with the embargo or not. Many nations condemn the embargo, saying it prolongs the standstill that has contributed to Cuba’s social situation.

Moisés Naím, a journalist from Newsweek said that, “[t]the embargo

is the perfect example used by antiAmericans everywhere to expose the hypocrisy of a superpower that punishes a small island while cozying to dictators elsewhere.”

Very little is known about the Red Social website. The site was launched in December and appears to be intended for the university student demographic. The homepage for the Red Social network is reported to read, “a virtual meeting point for Cuban universities.”

The real question here is this: is this new social networking site a move towards Cuba becoming a modern country, and is this in fact a step towards greater access to information by the Cuban government? Or, is this another cheap post-Cold War grab for propaganda? And – more importantly – one must ask if the US Trade Embargo is really helping the Cuban people or imprisoning them, forcing them to remain in a state of prolonged political and technological standstill.

Communication breakdown

Regarding the failure of the recent CIVL referendum SHANE POTTER CONTRIBUTOR

I respect CIVL and what they are trying to accomplish, I really do. I feel their recent referendum failed not because CIVL didn’t deserve the money, but because of ineffective campaigning. This isn’t meant to insult or put down CIVL in any way; they work hard on a small budget to create a quality campus radio station. The proposed funding increase was meant to simply improve and expand the current system by hiring more staff and expanding their broadcast to other campuses such as Chilliwack. The problem was that their message was not clearly communicated to students, and this was due to some fundamental mistakes.

The first campaign posters were entirely ineffective, although they admittedly did improve as the campaign went on. One poster in particular featured text that was nearly the same colour as the dark background, making the poster illegible at any distance further than a few centimetres away. Another poster I saw was a nicely drawn picture but had no text on it to show that it was encouraging people to vote in the referendum. Posters are practically invisible at UFV so they need to be clean, simple, and clear.

The second issue again involves a lack of simplicity. More specifically, the complexity of the referendum question itself was an issue. The referendum question was 122 words long and contained, unnecessarily, the word “whereas” five times. Referendum questions should be simple and to the point; the successful SUS

Student Union Building referendum contained a simple and clear 24 word question, and demonstrates how a clear and easy to understand question makes it easy for the voter to say yes. By making it so complicated, even those convinced to vote yes might second-guess their decision.

Thirdly, it’s important to target the right people. Campaigning in Abbotsford seemed effective, as it contains the largest amount of students; however, due to student apathy and lack of a strong voting population at the school, a few hundred votes is all it takes to decide the outcome of a vote. Abbotsford students would still be able to access CIVL whether or not the referendum went through, so why target them?

Instead, the focus should have been on the students who have the most to gain. It is the other campuses that are unable to listen to their own university radio station because of funding restraints. Students from Chilliwack and the other campuses are the ones that would benefit the most from a funding increase and those are the people that would come out to vote to make it happen.

Chilliwack campus has many strong students who are willing to support anything that brings programs or benefits to their campus, so CIVL should focus on informing and campaigning to those students.

I understand that running a referendum is no easy task. It’s easy for me to pick it apart after the fact, and I know that many volunteers put a lot of work into the referendum campaign. I don’t think I could have done any better myself, but I think CIVL shouldn’t count out the possibility of a funding increase in the future. CIVL, don’t give up because the first referendum attempt failed.

I still support what you guys are doing, and by learning from your mistakes and making the campaign clearer, students will support a funding increase, but only once they understand what they stand to gain.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Dear Editor, I am saddened and frustrated when I hear short sighted and uninformed comments about money and support for the arts being an unnecessary waste in Abbotsford.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

The arts are a critical element in the development and maintenance of a vibrant, healthy community.

The arts define a community’s identity, provide a legacy for tomorrow and honour the historic and cultural makeup of its citizens. The arts provoke thought and elicit response, discussion and community engagement. The arts offer opportunities to engage citizens as creators and audiences for the enrichment and

development of all. The arts have the ability to break down barriers, cultivate a celebration of diversity, and build bridges and understanding between disparate groups.

The arts have the ability to affect profound change in people’s lives, it can be the turning point for a better life for youth at risk, battered women, those battling personal challenges and addiction, and the underprivileged. The arts attract professionals to live and contribute essential services and expertise to our community, equally, the arts are accessible and enjoyable to citizens of the most modest of economic and social standing. The arts attract visitors and tourism dollars, and act as an ambassador for a community when those visitors return to their

part of the globe. The arts help set the tone for the urban landscape and cultivates civic pride. The arts contribute substantial economic benefits, both directly and through spin-off business, thereby helping to ensure an economically vibrant and sustainable future for our city.

Abbotsford’s arts and culture scene has been sadly lagging behind other aspects of community growth, but there is a twinkle of something starting to happen. While much of the visual and performing art going’s-on in our town are privately operated, there is a responsibility of municipal government to cultivate the arts as part of its community stewardship toward a vibrant and healthy community. And I’d say my list above indicates the arts offers a

pretty big bang for our tax buck!

With the arts being historically an undervalued sector in this town, it’s time for anyone who sees the value of the arts to stand up and be counted! Be one of the many citizens of Abbotsford requesting municipal budget allocation, planning and policy support for the arts in this community.

At 3:00 p.m. on Monday, January 23, 2012, the Abbotsford Arts Council goes before the city to advocate for the Arts in Abbotsford.

All you have to do is show up and stand up! Show your support for the arts by simply being present in the audience during the presentation.

When the Arts Council President, Charles Wiebe, says “Who here sup-

ports the Arts?” All you need to do is stand up.

If you’re like me and can’t make it to the Council meeting, take 5 minutes to write, call, Facebook or email the mayor and council toproudly count yourself in as one of those standing up for the arts.

Your community will be richer for it.

Regards, J Simpson Artist, UFV art student Member, Abbotsford Arts Council Patron of the arts

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 , 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

11

OPINION

Entertainment industry’s desperate attempt to regain power only proves irrelevance NICK UBELS

THE CASCADE

Widespread Internet blackouts on January 18 have finally brought oppressive new internet regulation bills SOPA and PIPA (currently being tabled in U.S. Congress) into the public eye. A number of critical co-sponsors have dropped their support and President Obama has pledged to veto the bill (as it stands) should it pass through Congress. But that doesn’t mean the fight is over.

Mainstream media outlets finally took notice when Wikipedia, Reddit, and other popular domains blocked access to their content for up to 24 hours in protest of the restrictive new measures currently under consideration. SOPA, or the Stop Online Piracy Act, in its current form, would force IPs to block access to any website accused of illegally hosting or linking to copyright content. This

includes content posted by users and would be especially detrimental to social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube. Essentially, the bill would cede control of Internet censorship in the United States over to corporations.

It makes the scope of China’s restrictive Internet policies look quaint by comparison.

Lest we Canadians think such a bill would leave us unaffected, we should keep in mind that Internet regulation is not bound by national borders. Under current legislation, Richard O’Dwyer, British webmaster of the TheTVShack, a website that did not host, but merely linked to external content, faces extradition to the U.S., where he will face up to five years in federal prison. SOPA and PIPA would only open the possibility of such cross-border indictments further.

And there are rumblings that the Conservatives are prepared to introduce new anti-piracy legislation that would not only make it illegal to rip your own DVDs, but provide police live access to anyone’s Internet activity without requiring a warrant.

It’s like SOPA and the Patriot Act all wrapped into one freedom-killing measure. The passage of SOPA and/or PIPA would only embolden Harper to give in to increasing pressure from U.S. media conglomerates to crack down on copyright infringers.

This is not to say that online piracy isn’t an issue worth considering, but such desperate, sweeping measures threaten to severely restrict the freedom of expression afforded by the Internet and unravel the foundation of our fastest growing economic sector.

The crux of the problem is an

Canada, oil, & sovereignty JOE JOHNSON THE CASCADE

What an ugly and muddled situation this whole pipeline ordeal has become. It seems that we’ve reached the inevitable increase in oil exports coming from the oil sands in Northern Alberta, or more specifically, the condensed bitumen form of it.

Projects are now being fast-tracked and this raises quite a few concerns.

Everything from the environment, economy, and national sovereignty is at stake here.

At first, the project was the TransCanada Keystone XL pipeline, and was to carry the bitumen to destinations in the US. When the Americans couldn’t come to an approval because of environmental concerns, the $5.5 billion Enbridge Northern Gateway pipeline became the next evolution, and, instead of going to the USA, would be a supply line to China. In a report by David Hughes, a Canadian energy analyst, according to the Northern Gateway plan,the output of the oil sands would be three times that of 2010 levels. The environmental problem with the Northern Gateway project for BC is then, of course, that it would pass through our province and reach our coast where massive oil tankers would carry it away.

I’m personally opposed to both proposed pipelines. From an environmental point of view I’m more concerned with the Northern Gateway project, which would go through our backyard and cut through a great number of waterways. It would also mean opening up our shores for the first time to oil tankers, and in an area notoriously dangerous for ships to maneuver through.

However, putting the environmental aspect aside momentarily, what is actually even going on with the oil sands? What is happening on the ground level, why are we exporting, and what do we get in return?

The hearings in the approval process are already underway, and there has already been plenty of criticism.

The Harper Conservatives would have you believe that those who speak out against the pipeline are re-

entertainment industry that took far too long to adapt to changes in technology. The bill has strong support from the RIAA, the film industry and half of the gaming industry.

But it’s not the content creators and artists who support SOPA/PIPA: it’s the companies that profit from them who are upset that they can no longer pay artists such small kickbacks from sales.

It is true that artists working outside the system may be unlikely find the lucrative careers enjoyed by the upper echelon in years past, but many more are finding moderate success with sustainable, independent distribution models. Comedian Louis C.K.’s recent independent, digital release of his special, Live at the Beacon Theater brought in over $1 million in just 12 days. While not every artist can expect such astounding success trying to make it on his

or her own, it proves a simple fact that is not sitting well with the old guard of the entertainment industry: they are no longer needed.

Record labels, movie studios and their ilk, for the most part, have not adapted to the Internet’s new model of commerce and are using the last vestiges of their dying capital to force this Luddite, anti-innovation, anti-Internet, freedom-stifling bill together so that things can go back to the way they were. But things can’t go back to the way they were. These companies have made themselves irrelevant by refusing to adapt.

The big question is whether U.S. lawmakers will give in to the tremendous pressure from corporate lobbyists, or listen to what the people and creators would like to see – it is, after all, their work that’s being “pirated.”

Communication ruins snow days at UFV SASHA MOEDT THE CASCADE

Syncrude’s Mildred Lake mine site and plant ally there to serve other interests. In reality, many aboriginal groups, environmentalists, and every day citizens are speaking out in opposition.

These people are not eco-terrorists.

They do not have an agenda. So what is Harper getting at?

In reality, much of our resources are owned by those with other national interests at heart. Much of this ownership is Chinese, and with their push to modernize they’re purchasing controlling shares from around the world. They want to get the oil going as quickly as possible.

And our Conservative government is uniquely positioned to support the pipeline for two reasons: firstly, they believe in very little government regulation, and secondly, the pipeline will benefit by bringing in tax revenue from greater oil exports. That revenue stream is good for our economy, but in context, not so great for Canada. Because of their regulatory stance, they see that revenue purely as a benefit. So in order to help facilitate the pipeline moving forward, they are intentionally muddying the waters of the hearings and trying to undermine the opposition to the pipeline. Therefore, in an attempt to hurt the credibility of the environmentalists who form the opposition, our government is trying to have us believe that the opposition is secretly made up of different foreign interests groups.

Is it impossible to believe that this

Image: tastycakes/wikipedia.org

could be happening? Unfortunately, it’s entirely within the realm of what is possible in the world of oil. With so much foreign ownership of Canadian oil production, the jiggery and backroom politicking can be disheartening to say the least.

But what’s really at stake is sovereignty: losing control of our resources means that we may never get it back.

As China increases ownership of our production capabilities, they will become more entrenched in our economy, and since we are so resource-dependent, China’s power over Canada will also increase. This is perhaps the most critical issue of all: by allowing foreign ownership of our resources, we give up our national sovereignty.

But whatever the case may be in terms of where the oil goes, be it the Keystone XL to the US or the Northern Gateway to China, somebody is going to be after our resources. As dirty as the oil sands may be, they offer the power that large and expanding nations need. As wars have been fought in the name of securing oil, I hate to see what’s in store for Canada. Not to infer that conflict is in the future, but as we are so rich in natural resources and as years go by, tension is going to increase. This is only the beginning of political maneuvering and strong-arming.

Winter literally came and went in a week, and UFV caved pretty quickly. School cancellations are awesome at first. Everyone on Facebook goes: “Yes!! SNOW DAY!!” and after typing that status, we don’t know what do to. Maybe tweet it? Okay.

Just a little while ago we would have been out there with our sleds and toboggans, but not anymore.

Why is that? We’re feeble, sickly students now. We have no sleep, poor diets, the cold, the norovirus, and we stare at a twitter feed all day. The best we can do is turn up the thermostat, shake our fist at the loud neighbour kids from the window, shut the blinds and hunch in front of our computers. And that sounds pretty darn good to me.

But snow days aren’t really all that they’re cracked up to be. If only UFV shut down SunGard on snow days, too. But no. The only good thing SunGard does for us is post “All Fraser Valley Locations are CLOSED” (with very satisfying capital lettering) on our announcements. But then along with the announcement come emails from professors. “Do your readings, plus these supplementary readings attached, which we will discuss next class.” So yes, we can tweet “Snow day 5.0! Woot!” – but at what cost?

Essentially, the problem with communication these days is communication. There’s too much of it.

People are taking advantage of the fact that we can communicate. It doesn’t stop at snow days. Getting lost? When you were alone, wandering through malls and forests, for hours on end? A phone takes that from you. And then when you were sitting alone, and you didn’t have a phone to text intently into so no one thought you’d be dumb enough to actually sit there all alone. You just sat there! Remember that?

We’re missing that ‘bored thinking time.’ If you’ve got a spare moment, you immediately find something to do on the phone in-

Image: Ian Britton

stead of entertaining yourself. Because with a phone, you’re never really by yourself. You’re sort of like professor Quirrell in Harry Potter, and the phone is like Voldemort.

Quirrell was never by himself either.

That phone is attached to you.

One of these days, I’m going to be a case study. It will be called, “Case Study: A Girl With No Cell Phone.”

I have no cell phone. People think I’m doing it for a cause. Maybe a hipster thing, like, “the objectification of communication.” I think it’s nice for them to try to salvage some dignity for me, but no. I just don’t have a cell phone. I fit into the same ranks as young children and the elderly.

I don’t know what ROFL means. It sounds rude, like a gag reflex to me.

I get lost, and I sit there like some dumb person.

But, phone or not, I can say I shared those bittersweet snow days.

First, the announcement – then the emails. Responsibility is hand-inhand with communication. We all lost something to the greedy jaws of responsibility those five days. Maybe it’s time to stop talking, because having so many ways to communicate makes it easier for other people to say stuff we don’t want to hear.

12

www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

OPINION

A primer on primaries:

Sean and Nick talk American politics for the everyman

NICK UBELS

SEAN EVANS

THE CASCADE

Have a hard time following conversations about the American primaries? Have no fear. Sean and Nick discuss and debate American politics for the everyman, so even your cat can follow along! Soon you, too, will be able to name-drop in drunken conversations with PoliSci students. Stay smart, stay informed.

It might be the USA but it affects us Canadian kids too.

Sean: First off, a tip of my hat to Jon Huntsman. Why? Because he stuck to his guns. In a political atmosphere that calls for you to be either a staunch conservative or a staunch democrat, Huntsman occupied noman’s land. As the ambassador to China under Obama, Huntsman knew that he needed to distance himself from the administration and woo the hard-line conservative base -- perhaps calling Obama a commie, or ranting about the need to build a giant wall on the border with Mexico would’ve helped. Yet he did none of this -- he stuck to his personal beliefs and views, even though they didn’t perfectly match the Republican platform -- refreshing, in light of some of the other candidates (cough Mitt Romney cough cough Newt Gingrich cough). Huntsman was, and is, clearly a fiscal conservative, yet on social issues he is much closer to center than most conservatives would be comfortable with. In fact, Huntsman is difficult to pin down, and his support was muddied at best.

In the end, it was hard for anyone to get excited about Jon Huntsman because he didn’t distinguish himself as a moderate, fiscal conservative.

Had this fact been better shown to the GOP, who knows what would’ve happened? Having a nominee that is closer to center could’ve been helpful in a general election, but these are the primaries. If you don’t own a gun and don’t make comments about bombing Iran and how homosexuality is wrong, it appears as though you have no chance at winning the nomination. In the end, the loss of Jon Huntsman is not surprising, but just indicative of the polarized na-

ture of the game.

Nick: I find it more than a little disheartening that Jon Huntsman was unable to gain any real traction in the GOP primaries. One of the Republican Party’s most electable candidates in a national contest, Huntsman’s measured, reasonable persona in the early campaign would have made for some truly compelling debates with Democrat incumbent Barack Obama during the fall election cycle. His pragmatic, centerright position on most issues; widely-praised track record as Governor of Utah, where he left office with a remarkably high 80 per cent job approval rating and the highest job growth rate in the country (the PEW Centre on the States named Utah the best fiscally governed state in the country during his tenure); willingness and ability to work closely with both Republican and Democratic administrations; and foreign policy experience as ambassador to China make Huntsman ideally suited to the position of U.S. President. It says a lot about the current political atmosphere that Huntsman’s fluency in Mandarin (sure to be a huge asset in the new global economy and dealings with the People’s Republic) was targeted by GOP opponents as evidence that Huntsman might be a so-called Manchurian candidate backed by the Chinese government.

This politics of fear is not only damaging to public participation in the democratic process, but detrimental to those candidates who employ such campaign tactics. Another attack ad launched by the Newt Gingrich campaign called out Mitt Romney for speaking French. Is it just me, or does speaking another language not make one a more effective statesman? Whether Huntsman is tapped as Romney’s running-mate should the former Massachusetts governor win the GOP ticket or bides his time for a stronger campaign in 2016, I do not think this is the last we have seen of him in Presidential politics.

What do you make of Rick Perry’s announcement that he is also drop-

THE CASCADE

ping out of the race? Where will his supporters turn – the similarly socially conservative Rick Santorum, moderate Mitt Romney, or libertarian Ron Paul?

Sean: I wasn’t surprised to hear of Rick Perry dropping out of the race—it was about time. As for where his supporters will turn, I am not too sure. In one sense, it is very possible that Ron Paul could see many of those who supported Perry turn to him because of geographic reasons, since Perry and Paul are both from the great state of Texas. That said, those who followed Perry as a prolife, anti-gay marriage, social conservative may turn to Rick Santorum.

In reality, Perry’s support was so marginal that it is unlikely to drastically change the outcome of these primaries. I was particularly glad to see just four candidates take part in the CNN debate this past week. As the campaigns have progressed it has been good to see fewer take part the in the debates—individuals are able to speak more and we’re getting a closer look at their takes on the issues.

Speaking of the debates, what I’ve seen has really, really made me think much less of the Republican Party and those in the audience. Here are two examples: first, in last week’s debate, Newt Gingrich was questioned on the accusation that he requested his ex-wife for an ‘open marriage’.

In his response, Gingrich turned it around and lambasted the media and the moderator for asking such a “despicable” question in a presidential debate. The crowd responded by cheering and giving a standing ovation as Gingrich ripped into the liberal media. I find cheating on his wife, who was sick with cancer at the time, much more despicable than being asked a question in a debate.

Ironically, Newt blamed the media for the fact that nobody decent ever runs for office anymore (i.e. Newt Gingrich).

In any case, I found it revolting that the crowd would support Gingrich as he clearly avoided answering the

accusation and simply blamed the liberal media. Now, I must acknowledge that the question had little to do with the issues at hand, considering the affair occurred over a decade ago — however, it is still not a completely irrelevant issue, especially for social conservatives and the evangelical base of the party.

The second example came later in the debate. Ron Paul explained his foreign policy ‘golden rule’ — do unto other nations as you would have them do unto you. His belief is that if this had been done in the Middle East, things would be much different. Logical, right? Apparently not, as much of the audience erupted into booing. How can you boo the golden rule? Moments like that convince me that the Republican Party has completely lost touch with the world around them.

What do you think about Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney? What is the difference between the two?

How does the fact that both are multi-millionaires who have gotten rich while others have faced economic troubles affect their chances at election? Newt is inextricably linked to Freddie Mac and Mitt is known as a business man—how does this impact their hopes of election in the midst of a year that was gripped by the Occupy movement?

Nick: In an unbelievably strange turn, recent polls coming out of South Carolina after Gingrich’s socalled fiery retort to CNN moderator John King’s question about his ex-wife’s “open marriage” comment have put him far ahead of one-time frontrunner Mitt Romney. Usually, this sort of scandal is the thing to kill electoral bids, not revive stagnating ones. A couple days ago, when we started this dialogue, it seemed like only a matter of time before Gingrich pulled out of the race. For whatever reason, Gingrich’s public outrage at a question that, while perhaps not the most relevant to policy discussion, was certainly an object of public debate. As a journalist and debate moderator, was it not John King’s obliga-

tion to communicate the concerns of the public? And Gingrich’s highminded rhetoric about preserving the sanctity of marriage would certainly appear at the very least hypocritical after these recent allegations.

What surprises me the most is how quickly Gingrich was able to turn a potentially catastrophic blow against his campaign into a sort of underdog narrative where he has managed to paint himself as unfairly targeted by the quote “liberal” media. And for much of the Republican base, it seems like his surliness has been equated with a kind of righteous indignation that they feel will be necessary to defeat Obama in the general election.

I think that both Gingrich and Romney would have a really hard time finding much support among the general population for the very issues you pointed out, especially considering Obama’s newfound focus on economic justice as a major theme of his campaign this year.

With Gingrich poised to win South Carolina, it seems like Rick Santorum will soon be the one on the outside looking in. The big question is whether Ron Paul can weather the bitter back and forth between Gingrich and Romney and emerge as a strong national candidate. While he does seem to be having a hard time courting some hard-line conservatives because of his anti-war stance, he is polling fairly well against Obama in national surveys.

Partisan strategy aside, I always kind of hope for a close contest: a tough decision between the two best candidates for leader. And I think that a contest between Barack Obama and Ron Paul would provide the American people with as close to such an ideal as possible this year.

Next week: Nick and Sean delve into Ron Paul (Texan doctor turned libertarian poster boy), Super PACs (not super heroes), and campaign financing (who’s actually paying for this whole three-ring circus??). Stay tuned!

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25 , 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

13

OPINION

Beautiful British Columbia: best place on earth?

DESSA BAYROCK THE CASCADE

I was born in Yellowknife, and my family moved to BC when I was three. I barely remember our house up north, but I remember that I liked it. It had cool stairs and a pantry I liked to hide in. As a result, I’ve always kind of resented BC for, well, not being Yellowknife.

It’s only recently that I’ve realized how stupidly pretty this province is.

Every since I was little, I’ve been reading “Beautiful British Columbia” on every licence plate, to the point where it’s completely lost its meaning. It’s like sitting down and thinking about where Ziploc bags get their name from – a lock that zips? That’s actually an interesting concept.

Likewise, for some reason, I suddenly realized how stunningly gorgeous BC is as a whole. “Well, how about that,” I thought to myself, looking at the brilliant crimson sky

over Mount Baker in the morning before class, “Those clouds look like they’re on fire. This province really is beautiful.”

And not just in the Fraser Valley – this statement surprisingly holds true for all of BC: along the Coquihalla, Victoria, even the bits of Kelowna that look oddly like Alberta. It’s all stunning. Look around.

Breathe this fresh BC air. Think about how lucky we are to live here.

Interestingly enough, one of the things that sparked this realization was BC’s slogan change, circa 2006, from “Beautiful British Columbia” to “The Best Place On Earth.” This catchphrase goes on all of our tourism propaganda, both in-province and out. At first, it seems like a minor change. BC is so beautiful that it follows it is the best place to be. That’s kind of logical, right?

But it caused a fundamental change in the way I view the province of BC. I can get on board with calling ourselves beautiful. We are. Straight-up. No bones about it.

If I may have your attention please JAMES INGLIS CONTRIBUTOR

The time has come to address an issue that society has ignored for far too long. Gossipers whisper about it at the local coffee shop. The polite avert their eyes as not to draw attention to the obvious. Mothers maneuver their children in the opposite direction to avoid pointing and uncomfortable questions. Sadly, those afflicted have deluded themselves into thinking no one is aware of their malady. Yes, I’m talking about the comb-over.

For the few unacquainted with the comb-over, it is the physical result of a man forcing his hair in an unnatural direction to disguise, mostly unsuccessfully, a condition commonly referred to as male pattern baldness. Male pattern baldness is no one’s fault. The sufferer did nothing wrong. It is a result of genetic sensitivity of causing hair follicles to shrink, and there is absolutely nothing that anyone could have done.

Victims generally go through several stages before the full combover affliction occurs. First there is denial. During this stage sufferers notice multiple loose hairs circling the drain after a shower. Dark pillowcases are purchased to make the discarded hairs less noticeable in the morning. The afflicted may suddenly begin to believe hats are making a comeback.

The next stage is guilt: the sufferer often feels he is to blame for what is occurring. During this stage, loved ones should be on the lookout for certain telltale signs or changes in behavior. Does the sufferer cancel his subscription to the Playboy channel? Is he spending less time in the bathroom? Does he stop insulting his mother-in-law?

If corrective treatment is not un-

dertaken, the final stage is adaptation and delusion. This is the most tragic of all the stages. Here the man will spend vast sums of money to try to alter the unalterable. It starts with hair-plumping shampoo, then hair growth medication and sadly in extreme cases even hair plug transplants. Ultimately of course the inevitable result is the dreaded full blown comb-over.

In the most tragic cases the man will allow hair in unaffected areas of his head to grow to four or five times its regular length and flip the hair over to hide the bald section of his scalp. Apparently comb-over affliction also alters the man’s ocular system, as he perceives that 12-inch hair shellacked in place with hair spray appears natural. Specialists often refer to this as the Trump Syndrome. Do not be fooled by combover variation. Comb-overs can be from side to side, back to front, front to back with a side-to-side flip and in the worst of cases the beard-to-headtwist-and-cover. It is also important to be on the lookout for the not-quitelong-enough comb-over.

Please, if you have a loved one who suffers from comb-over or even if you just see a total stranger walking on the other side of the street with comb-over, I urge you not to stand idly by. If the sufferer won’t take action to end this malady on his own, it is up to the general public to act. Let him know he’s not fooling anyone. Point. Stare. Shout if you must, because the sufferer must be made to acknowledge the problem before a cure can be realized.

We can all work together to solve this problem, and we sure have our work cut out for us. Once society has dealt with the scourge of the combover we can move on to the dreaded issue of those guys with beards without moustaches

But the best place on earth? I don’t know about that. What about Venice, or Montreal, or those Peruvian mountains in Up? What about the Grand Canyon, or the white beaches of Mexico, or the organic-looking houses that stack on top of each other in Spain? I’m more than willing to stand behind calling our province beautiful; more than one place can be beautiful, so our quiet assertion is proud and true without being demeaning to anywhere else. But the best place on earth? The second we say that, everyone who doesn’t live in BC is going to be up in our grill about how their hometown region is the best place on earth. It becomes a competition. We can’t help ourselves: we are competitive as a species.

I can understand our provincial government wanting us to stand up and be proud of where we live, but “Beautiful British Columbia” already did that for us. If they wanted us to get competitive about where we live, then they severely miscalculated and forgot one very impor-

tant point: we’re Canadian. It’s not just the punch-line of every terrible Canadian joke – we are actually polite. If somebody gets aggressive and wants to fight about where the best place on earth really is, we’ll back down. After all, we’ll reason, we haven’t seen every single place on the planet, so maybe this other place really is more beautiful than BC. We have no way of knowing, so why would we fight about it?

But we can absolutely positively assert that we live in a beautiful place, and will always be able and willing to fight for that.

This is why I, among many others, was pleased to see “The Best Place On Earth” slogan slip quietly out the door last summer. Gone are those irritating tourism commercials. The ranks of special edition licence plates are thinning. And as a whole, I’m glad to see it go.

Apparently the decision was easy to make: there was no debate, no written documentation of the decision, and it apparently wasn’t even

doodled on a phone pad in some minister’s office. Tyee journalist Bob Mackin requested to see the thought process behind the change, but his Freedom of Information request yielded nothing. As the provincial government told him, “There was no written directive issued… we cannot produce records that don’t exist.” Someone was chatting in the elevator and it was decided. Yes, our province is beautiful. No, it isn’t necessarily the best place on earth. Oh, here’s my floor. See you at the press conference.

So now we’ve returned totally to “Beautiful British Columbia,” a phrase I am proud to stand by, and a statement (when looking at those clouds over Baker) that nobody can deny. This place is unspeakably beautiful. And—off the record—I think it might just be a contender for the best place on earth.

No fires in parliament – yet

image: Mario Ormaxabal

JEN COLBOURNE THE CASCADE

Recently, the legality of same-sex marriages outside of Canada came into question. The resulting hullaballoo had the Conservatives backtracking away from the issue faster than you can say “hot potato.”

It all came down to one lawyer’s argument in a case in which two lesbian foreign-citizens, having been married in Canada, now wanted a divorce. The problem? Canada doesn’t issue divorces for people who have not resided here at least a year, but in the lesbian couple’s case, their home countries can’t grant them a divorce because there, well, gay marriage isn’t recognized. The lawyer’s argument? Basically, if their marriage wasn’t recognized in their jurisdictions, then it wouldn’t be recognized here.

Now here’s a loophole that suddenly turned into a fast fuse. People were instantly outraged, and rightly so considering the implications. An explosion of jumped conclusions and rumours blew across headlines.

However, despite the media’s sensationalism, it doesn’t look like Canada will be annulling foreign gay marriages any time soon.

The government has made it clear they have no intention of touching gay marriage. In fact, according to Global News, the justice minister has officially reassured Canadians that the government will now take the step to “change the Civil Marriage Act so that any marriages performed in Canada that aren’t recognized in the couple’s home jurisdiction will be recognized in Canada.”

Phew.

Now that we’ve all had a minute to breathe, let us examine the charred fragments of these hasty, impassioned conclusions floating about in the air.

Why the collective freak-out?

Well, it’s great that Canadians are so ardently prepared to defend the rights of their fellow gay citizens.

But that’s not the point. Canadians are nervous.

It’s not like everybody who used to vote Liberal just disappeared in the last election. The political centre is still alive and well, and I’d say just about every Red Tory (a Liberal who voted Conservative) around has been feeling uneasy—perhaps even slightly guilty—since the elections.

The Red Tories voted with the hope that with a majority government things would finally get done,

and that perhaps the Conservatives could wrangle the economy back into shape. The gamble was that the Harper government wouldn’t mess around with already existing social policies such as abortion and gay marriage. Thus, as soon as it looks like the social stakes are about to be lost, fear and panic ensue from the remorseful Reds.

As for the left, well, the left has never trusted Harper and the Conservatives from the start. An issue like this, and they are readily leaping from their seats to declare, “We told you so!” Every day they expect any and every social evil from the government, and there is a lot of leftwing rage just waiting to be vented.

It’s no wonder then that Canadians seem so willing to turn on the Harper government at the faintest smell of smoke. And, if we keep smelling smoke, does that mean that there actually is a fire? For now, it looks like gay rights are safe. But a Conservative MP has been recently insisting that we investigate when a fetus becomes a human being, which would effectively open the doors to the abortion issue. Is this another hot potato for the Conservatives to flee, or the spark of social evil?

We all wait, uneasily.

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www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

CROSSWORD 1

3 5

9

DOWN

12

13

14

Across

2. The rapper who discovered Lady Gaga (4 letters) 3. Gaga’s real surname (10 letters) 4. “Telephone” features this singer (7 letters) 5. The name of Gaga’s MAC lipstick line (4 words, 4 words) 8. Lady Gaga’s first hit (4 letters, 5 letters) 9. The NYU school of arts that Gaga briefly attended (5 letters) 10. Gaga serenaded this former US President on his 65th birthday (7 letters)

15

THE CASCADE

Answer Key

10

11

JEN COLBOURNE

LAST WEEK’S

1. The song Lady Gaga wrote for Pussycat Dolls (8 letters) 6. Lady Gaga’s name was inspired by a song by this band (5 letters) 7. The word in Gaga’s heart tattoo (3 letters) 11. Gaga refers to her fans as her “little ____” (8 letters) 12. Gaga’s most famous dress material (4 letters) 13. The meaning of “Scheiße” in English (4 letters) 14. Gaga is most often compared to this female singer (7 letters) 15. “Poker Face” was written about Gaga’s ____ (11 letters)

4

8

ACROSS

2

6

7

Lady Gaga’s Crossing Lines

1. Canberra 4. Kyiv 5. Montreal 8. Punxsutawney 12. Dublin 13. Chicago 14. Pawnee 15. Saint Louis Down 2. Beijing 3. Alexandria 6. Rome 7. Raised 9. Santiago 10. New Orleans 11. Orleans

EclipseCrossword.com

Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18 You may be able to fight zombies, but you will never take down Party Rock.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20 Submit to the great monkey’s will.

Bananas are part of his grand plan for your life.

The Weekly Horoscope Gemini: May 21 - June 21 You killed Roger Rabbit.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22 Saturn is passing through the zenith of the alpha constellation, in conjunction with the house of Jupiter. (I have no idea what that means.)

Star Signs from the Sumas Sibyl Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22 Somebody loves you in the morning, in the noon, in the evening underneath the moon; in fact, somebody wants to skinamarinky dinky do you.

Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21

You are the vampire slayer. The fate of the world rests on your shoulders. No pressure or anything, though.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21

It probably was the Soviets.

The Martians asked me to tell you that you left the bathroom light on.

The winds have spoken. Time to stop eating so many beans. Phew.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22

Study, you must. To the path of failure, binge drinking only will lead.

Wait for Godot.

Visit us at www.monktucky.com!

Aries: March 21 - April 19

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 The ghost of your childhood Gigapet is seeking revenge for your electronic neglect and murder.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

15

ARTS & LIFE

Dine & Dash: From breakfast to dinner in Victoria, BC

Image: Anthony Biondi

AMY VAN VEEN

THE CASCADE

Willie’s Bakery Café 537 Johnson Street In a city like Victoria, with restaurants around every corner and on every block, it’s hard to know where to go. Often word-of-mouth seems to be the most appropriate resource for wannabe foodies, but wannabe foodies on a budget often have a harder time. As delicious as many of the seafood places look on Wharf Street, a thirty dollar plate of pasta is not exactly a plausible eating situation.

Willie’s Bakery Café, though, was oddly recommended during a panel session with several comic artists. Gareth Gaudin, owner of Legends Comic and Books in

Victoria and creator of the Magic Teeth daily comic, recommended Willie’s because, well, because the name was so closely linked a certain theme that runs through his own stories. Thankfully, the name isn’t a secret innuendo that comes out in the menu selections – it’s just a healthy eating, fresh food, delicious all-day breakfast café.

Any place that has “freshly squeezed orange juice” obviously does their due diligence in making sure the rest of their menu is fresh. Twice, I visited this Johnson Street establishment to enjoy their brioche French toast, topped with strawberry rhubarb compote and maple cream cheese. Add a side of maple bacon and a pot of Mighty Leaf tea and flavour, service and atmosphere perfection is achieved.

The ultimate foodie trifecta.

The Soda Shoppe 801 Government Street After Willie’s set such a high standard for unique flavours, fresh ingredients and drool-inducing presentation, The Soda Shoppe across the street from The Empress was a bit of a downer. Granted, a waffle here was only $5 compared to twice that at Willie’s, but its presentation seemed to shout from the rooftops that it was only $5.

The plate was half an inch bigger than the waffle, it was topped with whipped cream, certainly, but the two toppings that accompanied it were packaged jam and syrup in-

Image:yelp.ca stead of the obviously homemade compote at Willie’s. The sandwiches weren’t fairing much better. A turkey and Swiss panini with just that – turkey and Swiss, placed on a plate with nothing else around it.

Just this sad little panini with no food friends. Perhaps it was the expectations set for Victoria’s cuisine. Perhaps I thought the impressiveness of The Empress and the harbour would somehow trickle through their old doors, but sadly The Soda Shoppe seems only to be worth going to if you’re getting a soda and want to say you’ve done it.

Rebar Modern Food 50 Bastion Square Although first described to me as a vegetarian restaurant, the

The Cascade Cookbook Lesley and Elissa Poh’s Wheat Free Granola and Granola Bars

Lesley is a department assistant in the English department at UFV. She has been eating wheat-, gluten-, and dairy-free since 2006 when she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disorder. She believes that living without eating wheat is difficult in today’s fast food society, but because more children are being diagnosed with diseases such as lactose intolerance, celiac disease, and other dietary conditions, the food industry is beginning to take notice. People will be healthier if they take control of what they eat!

menu — including a salmon burger — suggests more of a pescetarian outlook on eating. The idea of going to a restaurant that doesn’t have beef anywhere on the menu seemed a little out of the box for me, but I went with it and definitely wasn’t disappointed. With one page of the menu entirely devoted to smoothies and many more entrée options offering infused flavours, it was clear that Rebar knew what they were doing health-wise.

Before the meal began, we were offered the standard bread basket with focaccia that was anything but standard. For some reason, most people tend to make focaccia a hard, flaky, biscotti-like appetizer, but Rebar made theirs soft, buttery and so wonderfully melt-inyour-mouth that balsamic vinegar wasn’t even required. For dinner, I ordered the salmon burger and unlike most salmon burgers that are trying to be burgers, this one was a perfectly cooked salmon filet placed on top of a soft, flaky bun, sided with yam fries – proper yam fries, cut so that it’s obviously from an oddly shaped yam, not from a uniform, rectangular one.

With local brews, like Phillips Beer from Victoria, and vegan, vegetarian and pescetarian options, Rebar is modern food without trying to make it clear that they’re modern food. They offer amazing options on their menu and it’s only afterwards that you realize the herbed almond burger was ac-

Image: Nick Ubels/ The Cascade tually made entirely of herbs and vegetables without a trace of beef – although Ron Swanson could probably tell the difference.

With everything going right— from the brews to the burgers—the only valid option seemed to be to take as many desserts to go as could fit in my eco-friendly bag.

Vanilla chocolate chunk cheesecake? Yes. Sour cherry pie? Absolutely. White chocolate coconut tart? Bring it on.

If you want a meal that will leave you feeling like you’ve done something healthy—like just gone for a run, instead of just eaten a giant three-part meal—Rebar is the place for you. Check it out just off Government Street on Bastion Square and you will not regret it.

Drink o’ the Week:

Chocolate Cake Shooter

“This versatile recipe makes granola or granola bars. It was developed by my daughter Elissa who has children with food sensitivities. The bars are a good source of fibre, are low in sugar and all my grandchildren love them!”

Dry ingredients: 2 cups oat or barley flakes 1 cup brown rice or spelt flour 2 tbsp. psyllium husk 1/2 tsp. salt 1 Tbsp. cinnamon 3/4 cup coconut sugar, or 3/4 cup Splenda or 1/4 cup Stevia 2 cups of some combination of the following ingredients: Puffed millet, almonds, walnuts, raisins, dried berries (blueberries, cranberries, cherries), chopped dried fruit (apples, apricots, dates, etc.), flax seed or pumpkin seeds Liquid ingredients: 2 Tbsp. molasses or maple syrup 2/3 cup sunflower oil ½ cup honey (for bars) or agave nectar (for granola) 1 egg (or egg substitute as tolerated) 2 tsp. vanilla extract

Image: This is Leslie Poh!

Directions: Mix together items on the dry ingredient list in a large bowl and set aside.

Mix together items on the liquid ingredient list in a medium bowl or blender.

Make a well in the dry ingredients and pour the liquid ingredient mixture into the well. With a large spatula or mixing spoon turn the mixture over to coat all of the dry ingredients.

If making granola bars, press the mixture into a greased 13 x 9 inch cake pan and bake for 20 minutes at 300 degrees. Remove and let rest for 5 minutes. Cut into bars and store in an air tight container.

If making granola, pile the mixture onto a greased cookie sheet spreading evenly but loose on the sheet. Bake for 20 minutes at 300 degrees, stirring half way through the cooking cycle.

Remove from the oven and let cool. Store in an airtight container. *This tastes great sprinkled on top of coconut ice cream, or with goat milk yogurt and some fresh berries, or come up with your own combinations.

Considering there’s no chocolate in it, it’s astonishing how much this strong shooter actually tastes like chocolate cake.

1/2 oz citron vodka 1/2 oz Frangelico hazelnut liqueur Lemon wedge Brown sugar Mix citron vodka and Frangelico. Pour into shot glasses. Shoot and then suck on a sugar-coated lemon-wedge. *Brown sugar is often substituted with white or powdered sugar **These shots are especially nice if shaken with ice before being poured Ideal for: PMS Bad for: The vodka stomach burn On the Cascade scale: A

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

Year in Review The best of 2011 RESTAURANTS 10. Little Saigon

Whether you like your Vietnamese food in the form of soup, or perhaps the fresher taste of vermicelli noodles, Little Saigon serves it up best.

Their obviously fresh ingredients and in-house specialties provide something for every patron.

Paired with the great atmosphere, this classy joint is great for a date night or for sampling great Vietnamese cuisine. – A.S.

9. Roasted Grape

Abbotsford’s recently opened Roasted Grape offers patrons a menagerie of flavours from local farms in a unique platter experience. Even though the outside still resembles the boredom of a financial institution, the proprietors have done an excellent job of making the interior their own – the only downside is the awkwardly sized platters with not quite enough food to fill them. – A.V.

8. Hilltop Café

Do you ever think to yourself in that extremely hungry state, “I hope they have big portions, I’m starving.” The Hilltop Café on Fraser Highway may look a little shabby, but its home-cut French fries, huge portions and friendly staff make up for the outside appearance. (Not to mention both The Butterfly Effect and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants had scenes filmed there.) If you’re feeling extra adventurous, order the Everest Burger, and if you finish this monster—well—you probably get something free. – A.S.

7. Nikko Sushi

If Cheers was a Japanese restaurant, Nikko Sushi would be that place. When you walk in, Sushi Bob and the gang all greet you with a sincerely welcome “hello” and the service is always prompt, always friendly and often comes with perks – especially for the regulars. Even without the atmosphere, the quality of ingredients and unique combinations bring line-ups both to eatin and take-out. Order the I Love It roll. It will change your life. – A.V.

6. Little Farmhouse in the City

One of my favorite breakfast spots in the city – this quaint and often-unnoticed restaurant has a great selection of menu options. Little Farmhouse offers both a full page plethora of different eggs benedict and organic free-trade coffee, as well as a quieter place to eat and chat. Its homey atmosphere adds to the homey style of food. – A.S.

5. Beatnik’s Bistro

Fort Langley offers many places to stop and grab a bite or sit and lounge with a martini, but there is one standout restaurant. Literally. It stands alone between the once-hardware store and ever-changing strip of boutiques, offering foodies something delicious and unexpected in a homey, intimate atmosphere. Excellent place for a first, second or fiftieth date. – A.V.

#1. O’Neill’s

4. Mr. India

There are often those places that people speak of in hushed tones – those places where only the insider foodies know of because they’re hidden in locales off the beaten path. Mr. India has arguably the best butter chicken in the Valley despite its unassuming exterior. With three different levels of heat, they can accommodate any palate.

– A.V.

3. Cookies Grill

Cookies Grill is a prime example of decent, satisfying, delicious food. Their all-day breakfast and crispy hash browns are the archenemy of hangovers everywhere. Inexpensive meals, cozy atmosphere and friendly staff combine to make a home run out of this truck stop diner. – D.B.

2. Vi-La Vietnamese

Whether you are eating in or taking out, this family-run business will make sure your needs are met. The new location is completely renovated and a great place for a casual lunch or dinner.

You can sit in and admire the modern circular fish tank or take out and enjoy Vietnamese cuisine from your couch. (I recommend #17.) – A.S.

Vern O’Neill knows how to make a sandwich. That fluffy sweet potato bun, those fresh local ingredients with the perfect partnership of cheddar and ham and that winning smile all make O’Neill’s the place to be. Whether a student between classes or a contractor on break, the O’Neill breakfast sandwich is able to bring sustenance and flavour any day of the week. – A.V.

Contributors: Amy Van Veen, Ali Seimens, Dessa Bayrock

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

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ARTS & LIFE

MOVIES 10. Jane Eyre

Jane Eyre, the brilliant work of gothic fiction from Charlotte Brontë, has been susceptible to the fate of many a classic English novel: the adaptation.

There are countless different versions, each trying their best to tell the whole story of the life of the determined Jane Eyre. In Cary Fukanaga’s version, though, Jane’s story is not told from beginning to end; it’s told through a series of flashbacks, leaving out some moments in exchange for others. It may not be exactly how Brontë wrote it, but the landscapes, the cinematography and the subtle portrayals of her main characters all hint towards her gothic core. – A.V.

9. This Is Not a Film

Viewing Jafar Panahi’s latest, and hopefully not last, film is a painful, awe-inspiring, humbling, and even humourous mixture of thoughts and emotions. What courage was involved with making this film and bypassing censorship is something I don’t think we can truly appreciate, but the film works whether you know the story behind it or not. It’s unlikely This Is Not a Film will ever make it out of NY/LA theatrically, but whatever screen it’s viewed on, Panahi’s film bears both the mark of self-reflexive Iranian cinema and the unclassifiable expression of an incredibly talented, and now sadly jailed, human being. – M.S.

8. Hugo

While Martin Scorsese’s latest could be seen as a self-indulgent lecture on how important film preservation is, the truth of the story is that this is a completely selfless gesture. It’s a filmmaker stepping aside and pointing to the original, acknowledging the debt all movie-lovers have to the ones that came before. Hugo, whose first half works far better than most have given it credit for, is a kids’ adventure of discovery that far exceeds any other young adventure this year. It’s an act of pure cinephilia. – M.S.

7. Bridesmaids

As funny as penile jokes may be, their relevance to women is somewhat limited. Women need more than a crude joke: they need heart and sincerity to believe why that crude joke was both necessary and funny. Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig come together to show the all-too-common problems that occur when one girlfriend gets married. Throw in some puppy stealing and street pooping, and it’s suddenly a classic. – A.V.

6. The Descendants

4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

David Fincher’s dark, visually-arresting American adaption of the first instalment in the popular Millennium trilogy features one of the best performances of the year in Rooney Mara’s intensely quiet take on Swedish hacker/investigator Lisbeth Salander. More than a standard procedural, the movie’s uncompromising look at violence against women, Nazism, and the politics of journalism is compelling and provocative.

– N.U.

Alexander Payne’s film is deceptively simple, showing a father attempting to get to know his family, both in the case of his daughters and the more distant relations looking to cash in on an inheritance. But the depth of character and the journeys through grief they take resist summation. This is by the guy who did Sideways? Who knew his return to filmmaking would have more in common with Kore-eda than whatever Paul Giamatti has been in lately. – M.S.

3. Midnight in Paris

5. The Muppets

Whether you view Terrence Malick’s expansive work as definite (one man’s search for God, Sean Penn having a boring day at work and recalling happier times, a pretentious slog) or indefinite (the ending is anything but, the whole movie is based around the idea of searching for the unfindable, attempting to know the unknowable), The Tree of Life is a movie of lifetimes that, though there have been countless well-written unentanglements and explanations of some of its facets, is perhaps the movie most dependent on its viewer for interpretation of any work this year. “There are two ways through life,” says Jessica Chastain’s character as picture-perfect daylight first streams into the The Tree of Life, but as the film shows, and reaction proved, there are infinite. – M.S.

Kermit, Piggy, Gonzo and the whole gang are on deck as director James Bobin (Flight of the Conchords, Da Ali G Show) helms this heartfelt and unabashedly nostalgic re-launch of the Muppet franchise penned by Forgetting Sarah Marshall scribes Jason Segel and Nick Stoller. Featuring outstanding musical numbers by Bret McKenzie, The Muppets hearkens back to the self-referential humour and warmth of Jim Henson’s original trilogy of Muppet films, while injecting the campy, screwball spirit of the classic ‘70s television show. – N.U.

#1. Drive

Woody Allen’s latest film is a love letter to the city of Paris, both celebrating its great influence on Allen’s own work while also addressing the pitfalls of nostalgia and golden-age thinking.

Owen Wilson is perhaps the most interesting Allen surrogate to date, bringing a certain warmth to a neurotic would-be novel writer with his Texas drawl. – N.U.

2. The Tree of Life

A standout performance from Ryan Gosling as the nameless “Driver” and a propulsive soundtrack anchor Nicholas Winding Refn’s tense, terse, and luridly vivid picture about crime and violence, both physical and psychological. – N.U.

Contributors: Jeremy Hannaford, Michael Scoular, Nick Ubels, Tim Ubels, Amy Van Veen

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www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

FEATURE

Like a kid in a candy store: Your guide to the best sex shops in the Valley

VIOLET HART THE CASCADE

Living in the Fraser Valley, it’s easy to get the impression that sex is something to keep quiet about – something relegated only to the bedroom and never discussed in public. Our public schools in Abbotsford are barely able to get across the basics without self-righteous parents demanding it be tamed down, leaving their children in the dark. There is a great deal of shame associated with the subject, and many of us feel a great discomfort when we feel the urge to explore our sexualities. As such, there is a good chance that most of the readership of the paper has felt wary to even look in the direction of the local sex shops, let alone ventured inside. Yet, inside those walls lie toys, candies and all sorts of magical wonders to behold! There’s room for a lot of fun that you need not miss out on. Best of all, with a little knowledge, you can have that fun in a way that is completely healthy and safe.

So, whether you’ve been to a sex store before, or not, this feature aims to give you an inside look at just what sorts of options are available here in the Valley. Every shop has its own personality, with a unique array of toys, novelty items, lingerie and porn. Even within those categories, the diversity is clear. Some stores offer primarily cheaper vibrators and dildos, while others have top-of-the-line and even glass-blown toys that look more like works of art than sex toys. Some specialize in providing a great variety in porn DVDs, while others offer books that teach tips on how to improve your sex life. The focus changes by store. As such, it doesn’t hurt to take a moment to consider what kind of store would hold more interest for you, before choosing which one to visit.

Most importantly, though, remember that the primary reason to go should always be to have fun.

Love Essentials & Lingerie 2388A McCallum Rd Abbotsford, BC

JOHNNY RODDICK

THE CASCADE

RATED:

Best place to go for a bachelorette party.

Lingerie: A wide-selection of lingerie, including some costumes.

Toys: An entire wall for dildos, mostly made of latex and silicone, and a fair amount of pocket pussies; there was a wide-variety of lower to slightly above average quality toys. There were few LGBT toys and an average fetish selection.

Novelty: A huge collection of novelty items, many of which are fairly unique (including a make-your-own penis-candle kit).

Porn: An average selection of videos and magazines. The videos are in a glass case and a bit difficult to access.

Price: Prices were a mixed bag – some very good deals, some a bit pricy. (Price comparison: The Hitachi Magic Wand, $119.99) Service: The employees are always very engaging, helpful and non-judgmental.

Hours: Open until 6:30 p.m.

Violet’s Impression: Love Essentials has a lot of items in stock, and if you look around you can find some

really good deals – possibly some of the best deals of any of the sex stores. A few standard items, such as lube, though, were a bit overpriced. They have a ton of lingerie, and a lot of styles to pick from – from dainty to leather. Definitely a store I would recommend if you like to dress up. They’ve also got an astonishing array of novelty items, making this store the number one stop for gag gifts and parties. The one downer is that they aren’t open very late, but then again the store isn’t located in the nicest part of town.

Johnny’s Impression: For a small location, this store is packed with a wide variety of items. You’ll find that

One Stop Love Shop

#109 32883 South Fraser Way, Abbotsford, BC / 20382 Fraser Highway Langley, BC

the location feels a little bit grungy, but the atmosphere inside is relaxed. Regardless, this is probably a store to visit with a couple of friends, rather than on your own. The focus seems to be on silly products. Penis wrapping paper? You got it. Giant penis-shaped rainbow suckers? Yep. If that’s your interest, you’ll definitely find it at Love Essentials. However, the selection is not limited to that. You’ll find some fun, quality items if you look closely, ranging from outfits to body oils – and an entire wall of sex toys (including some you might not find anywhere else). If you’re looking for higher-end toys, you’ll probably have to look elsewhere, though.

RATED:

Best place to go for porn.

Lingerie: Not a large selection, though the Langley store had a substantial collection of bodysuits, stockings, and male underwear Toys: A good range of average to high quality toys, mostly silicone and glass (including glass butt plugs and vibrating dildos). Also, an impressive selection for LGBT and fetish lifestyles. The Langley store also had a surprising number of inflatable dolls.

Novelty: Not very many novelty items, though they did carry the only gag-bestiality inflatables I’ve seen.

Porn: A huge selection of magazines and videos with a trade policy; a substantial amount of gay porn.

Price: Most of the prices were average. (Price comparison: The Hitachi Magic Wand, $124.99) Service: The employees were approachable, helpful and very openminded.

Hours: Open until 9 p.m. (Abbotsford)/ 10 p.m. (Langley).

Violet’s Impression: The Langley store and the new Abbotsford lo-

cation are very similar, though the Abbotsford store only opened a few weeks ago and isn’t fully stocked yet. These stores carry a bit of everything, mostly name-brand, quality items at typical prices. I was particularly impressed with the amount of LGBT and fetish items they carried.

Their lingerie selection was fairly scanty, but they had enough porn for a small video store. Definitely the first place I would go for movie night.

Johnny’s Impression: With a location just across the road from Seve-

noaks, and just a stone’s throw from KFC, the Abbotsford location of One Stop Love Shop is pretty close to ideal. Found at the back of a parking lot, it’s also quite discreet for those who might otherwise feel on display.

With the increased prevalence of internet porn, their business strategy of offering a wide selection of pornography seems a little misdirected.

However, this shop does off some finer quality sex toys, ranging from glass dildos to the fantastic Lelo brand that fills out the upper echelon of what you’ll find available (plus, they’re rechargeable). It is a couple steps above the generic penis-shaped toys you’ll find at other stores. That said, these toys don’t come cheap.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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FEATURE Doctor Love

#115B 32423 Lougheed Highway Mission, BC

RATED:

Best place to go for high quality sex products

Lingerie: A lot of high quality, expensive, but beautiful lingerie, as well as costumes.

Toys: Tons of dildos (steel, glass, ceramic, and silicone), and pocket pussies. Few LGBT toys, but a very large fetish selection.

Novelty: An average selection, but plenty of board games.

Porn: A very large video selection to buy or rent, including Blu-ray. A fair selection of magazines, erotic books and sex-advice books.

Price: A range of average to expensive prices, but for very high quality items. (Price comparison: The Hitachi Magic Wand, $127.99) Service: Extremely knowledgeable and professional.

Hours: Open until 10 p.m.

Violet’s Impression: This place is like a sex warehouse. You name it, they’ve got

it. The only exception, especially considering the amount of stock, is LGBT toys. This store is definitely geared to straight people. The atmosphere is professional, though almost a bit sterile, and they are very tight on security (also you have to be 19+, not just 18+, to get in because the store is also a tobacco shop). The employees are very well-educated about the products; I also must note that they wear doctor jackets for uniforms! Almost everything they carried was good quality, and they had a lot of top-of-the-line products that you can’t find anywhere else, such a steel dildos. I also liked that they had a number of sex-help and erotic books, unlike any of the other stores.

Johnny’s Impression: There is a professional feel to this store – it’s classy. It’s a

bit like Lovers in Bellingham, a store that doesn’t give off the impression that you should feel ashamed for walking into it. Although the prices are quite high, it’s a great place to go if you’ve got questions about any of the products you’re interested in. the large selection of toys was unmatched by any of the other stores visited, and everything from high heels to an entire display case of artistically designed glass toys were present (one shaped like a rose almost seemed more like something you’d display on a mantle than use as a sex toy). Unfortunately, due to the higher prices, it might be best to shop around first, before deciding on a purchase. The location was ideal for those visiting from out of town, with the store at the first intersection after the bridge. This spot is definitely worth a visit. Plus, it’s pretty impressive how late they’re open.

E-Sensuals

22772 Lougheed Highway Maple Ridge, BC

RATED:

Best place to go for quality service

Lingerie: Lots of leather sexy fetish wear, a substantial selection of stockings, as well as pretty, good-value lingerie. Had a comfortable couch with catalogues to look through for ordering in stock as well.

Toys: Mostly phthalate free, standard silicone dildos, including a display table of dildos that could be handled and examined. They had a few LGBT toys, and standard fetish stock.

Novelty: A quite small selection of mostly standard items.

Porn: None.

Price: Quite a few good deals, a bit cheaper than average. (Price comparison: The Hitachi Magic Wand, $109.99) Service: Very warm and friendly service, made the customers feel instantly comfortable and at ease.

Hours: Open until 8 p.m.

Violet’s Impression: E-Sensuals may be my new favourite sex store. They may not carry a lot of stock, but

I really appreciated the atmosphere. As soon as you walk in, you feel warm and comfortable; I think this has a lot to do with the fact that it’s a family-run business. You can tell they care about their customers, and they were very passionate and knowledgeable about sex products. Also, the fact that they primarily carry phthalate-free toys was especially impressive to me. The store itself was particularly set-up nicely. They had places to sit (including a chaise-lounge on which to look through lingerie catalogues), a table with dildos to touch and try out (with your hands!), and, a personal favourite, a bathtub in which they displayed the waterproof toys. One thing that really made this store for me, though, is how sex-positive it was for women. I felt the store wasn’t geared primarily to men, like most sex stores, especially since they didn’t offer any porn. I think this store would be perfect for couples or women just starting to explore their sexuality. There is nothing hardcore or uncomfortable about this store; it’s caring and fun.

Johnny’s Impression: Though this shop initially seems a bit rundown, it soon won me over with the qual-

ity of its limited selection, and the large numbers of tester-toys – with working batteries! For first-time buyers especially, it makes a big difference to see a toy out of the box, to feel the power of the vibrations it offers, or simply to take note of its size and texture. Additionally, the prices here were great compared with the other stores visited. If you’re going to comparison shop—and it’s recommended that you do—you might just end up making your final purchases at E-Sensuals.

Although it might be easy to simply lump all sex shops into the same category in your mind, hopefully this feature has illuminated some of the differences that set some apart from others. Knowing what to expect is half the battle, but so is being open to new experiences. Even if you have no plans to buy anything, it might be a good idea to visit a store just to see what it’s like. One important rule to keep in mind, though, is that if you’re feeling uncomfortable, tell the store clerk. It will be much easier for them to assist you if they know you’re feeling some trepidation.

Although the selection in the Fraser Valley is pretty broad, ranging from the large and professional to the small and homey, you’ll find the best prices and selection if you get the chance to head into Vancouver. One great store you’ll find in Vancouver is that of Womyns’ Ware on 896 Commercial Drive, a store that sells only the safest, highest quality toys. And, even ESensuals can’t top the prices (The Hitachi Magic Wand is $79.85). Yet, even if you stick to the Valley, you’ll find some interesting products that will be sure to turn your crank – whether it’s an introductory vibrator or a card game that will have you and your partner role-playing different fantasies. It’s probably been a few years since you last found yourself excited about shopping for toys. Now that you’ve grown up, you might just find these toy stores for adults will fill that growing void. Treat yourself.

Johnny Roddick loves the Hitachi Magic Wand

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

20. (tie) The Roots – Undun

In addition to their duties as house band on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, tirelessly creative American hip hop group The Roots spent 2011 working on their thirteenth record, Undun, a concept album about inner city poverty. Picking up from where their masterful 2010 album How I Got Over left off, the group readily incorporates indie rock, R&B, and neo-soul into their darkly soulful creation. – N.U.

20. (tie) Rich Aucoin – We’re All Dying to Live

Aucoin is probably the most talented and accomplished musician not to have their own Wikipedia entry in the world. Check out the new video for “It”. Check out songs like “Brian Wilson is A.L.I.V.E.”, or “Push”, just check it out. Several years in the making, with 500 contributors from across the country, it’s not just Rich who’s trying to live here, we all are. – A.L.

20. (tie) Foster the People – Torches

With their debut album, every track continues to drive with the same high tempo as found in their first single, “Pumped Up Kicks.” But what’s offered is so much more depth than what may be expected from a single radio listen. To say the least, the album is very unique. – J.J.

19. Wilco – The Whole Love

After close to two decades of making music together, Wilco does not still fit the same musical blueprint they began with. In fact, besides singer Jeff Tweedy and bassist John Stirratt, the entire line-up has changed. The band moves forward with The Whole Love, a sometimes gloomy, quaint, and bittersweet alternative rock record that is a joy to listen to. – T.U.

17. (tie) Radiohead – The King of Limbs

In 1997, Radiohead released one of the most influential albums of the ‘90s. In 2001 Radiohead changed the face of popular and independent music. In 2007 Radiohead reinvented the way music gets released and paid for. In 2011 Radiohead failed to fail to continue to release ground breaking, beautiful, and life-affirming music with King of Limbs. Every song a journey of its own, every side a story of intrigue ripe for the type of interpretation literature majors struggle with in the work of Yates and Joyce. – A.L.

17. (tie) Young the Giant – Young the Giant

A very cool album perfectly suited for the summer. It was placed so high because it connects perfectly in that relaxing, not too slow or too fast spot. The instruments and vocals play together so sweetly that it’s hard not to fall into the album. – J.J.

13. (tie) The Weeknd – House of Balloons

Great production, song writing, and performing are all absolutely essential elements of a successful piece of music, especially when it comes to hit song writing in the hip hop world. As chronicled in a July 2011 NPR article, each of these individual elements may cost as much as $20,000 in order to fully produce and package a hit song. The Weeknd’s Abel Tesfaye didn’t have that kind of cash. He didn’t have a team of Lana Del Rey-esque handlers and demographic analysis specialists. But his body of work, assembled over maybe three years, and culminating in his debut release, House of Balloons, is head and shoulders above everything anyone else has done this year in the world of electronic and urban record production. – A.L.

ALBUMS

13. (tie) The Decemberists – The King is Dead

The Decemberists have all the hallmarks of a great indie band. Their latest album is equal parts catchy, contemplative tunes and thought-provoking lyrics. In The King Is Dead, they’ve created the quintessential summer album: light, lazy, philosophical, and undeniably infectious.

“January Hymn,” is the perfect sound for heartbreak, and “Calamity Song,” on the other end of the spectrum, is about the Appalachian zombie apocalypse; neither should be missed. – D.B.

13. (tie) Battles – Gloss Drop

It seems almost reductive to call Gloss Drop frenetic, loud or creative. Battles’ second album both embraces the best qualities of progressive and experimental rock while abolishing the genre’s tendency for longer compositions to settle for being “listenable” or “catchy” and usually end up “repetitive” and “droning.” Gloss Drop’s stops and starts still jolt on a tenth spin, its incessant beats and riffs reverb long after the album has ended. This is not music to write a paper to. – M.S.

13. (tie) Adele – 21

Adele’s 21, an inescapable album this year, suffered the fate of most popular choices – the overplay. The first time “Rolling in the Deep” was played, her powerful vocals and spurned lyrics grabbed the attention of all those who heard before its incessant radio time began to grate on everyone’s patience. Thankfully, this has had no bearing on the quality of the rest of her album – from “Turning Tables” to “I’ll Be Waiting,” Adele has opened up into a growing force in her sophomore album. – A.V.

12. Other Lives – Tamer Animals

Unlike anything else you’ve heard this year. Other Lives is one of those special bands that brings about 30 instruments on stage wherever they play. They upstaged Bon Iver at the Orpheum in Vancouver last year as the opening act, and are now set to tour with Radiohead. Though Tamer Animals can range from eerie atmospheric climbs to warm melodies with pleasant vocals, a cohesive, grand identity drives the entire album. It’s hard not to listen to the entire album each time you turn it on. If you only look up one album from this entire list, I recommend that it be this one. It could change your life. – J.S.

10. (tie) Cults – Cults

Indie pop bands aren’t exactly hard to find at present, but Cults is the only one with Madeline Follin, whose rhythmic shouts on “You Know What I Mean” and heartfelt/ spiteful vocals on “Never Heal Myself” make the NY duo’s debut stand out in a crowded genre. She even makes reverb effects sound good. Bandmate Brian Oblivion knows just when to jump in on choruses, no song overstays its welcome and the sound design manages to steer just clear of muddled overproduction. The open joy of initial hit “Go Outside” is engulfed by the stellar songs that follow, making Cults one of the strongest debuts in a year filled with them. – M.S.

10. (tie) Kurt Vile – Smoke Ring for My Halo

With the glitz and angst of contemporary indie folk rock coming to the forefront, it’s nice to have an album that contains old-fashioned melodies, both relaxing and clever.

Philly-based Kurt Vile attracted significant attention in 2011 for Smoke Ring for My Halo, an album that honours folk music history, while adding a new chapter. – T.U.

1. Girls – Father, Son, & Holy Ghost

In the two years since they released their dazzling self-titled debut, San Francisco duo Girls have elevated their simplistic 1950s Americana allure to something heavier on Father, Son, Holy Ghost. Fearlessly expressing his yearning for love, sex and friendship in this life, Owens ambitiously assembles a wide variety of songs that feel infinitely relatable. – T.U.

Contributors: Dessa Bayrock, Joe Johnson, Aaron Levy, Michael Scoular, Joel Smart, Nick Ubels, Tim Ubels, Amy Van Veen

9. The Black Keys – El Camino

In their third record with producer Danger Mouse behind the helm, The Black Keys have tightened up their sound into a glam rock send-up of the story of rock and roll. Dan Auerbach’s warm, gruff, and earnest vocals are recast as greasy and exist at various levels of irony as he explores such topics profound topics as “Gold on the Ceiling.”

– N.U.

8. Male Bonding – Endless Now

Male Bonding’s most recent effort Endless Now solidifies their place in the lo-fi punk rock revivalist movement with bands like Wavves and Yuck. Their opening track “Tame the Sun” gives the listener a nice overview and impression of the album to come with noisy guitars full of hooks that seem to wail out into the distance. – T.U.

6. (tie) Yuck – Yuck

Yuck’s debut record was one of the great surprises of 2011.

One of the many ‘90s alternative nation renaissance acts to emerge in recent years (see Japandroids, Cymbals Eat Guitars, No Age), the London band’s self-titled album is much more than ragged guitars, angular melodies and mid-tempo riffing. Yuck’s remarkably personal take on this style is unique for the group’s ability to move between loud and quiet numbers with the ease and sensitivity of Yo La Tengo. – N.U.

6. (tie) The Bats – Free All the Monsters

Most bands that are almost 30 years into their career usually spend their time planning reunion tours or writing songs about their glory days, but this not true of The Bats.

Their eighth studio album Free All The Monsters is fluid, and full of striking vocals, with crisp layers of warm guitars washing underneath. – T.U.

5. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks – Mirror Traffic

With Beck at the helm, Stephen Malkmus has created his most focused and interesting record post-Pavement. Most tracks feel like the drums and bass are chasing around Malkmus’ lead guitar until they all cave into one another, with Mirror Traffic demonstrating Malkmus’ keen sense of curiosity when it comes to song writing. – T.U.

4. Sloan – The Double Cross

Very few bands are able to produce the level of consistently good material that Sloan still puts out this far into their career. The Double Cross—its title a reference to the band’s twenty years of producing music together—is perhaps the finest collection of power pop songs the band has ever put on one record. Overflowing with classic Sloan harmonies and hooks, the band also manages to branch out into discoinspired creations and delicately picked acoustic numbers with great ease. – N.U.

3. Real Estate – Days

On their second record, New Jersey’s Real Estate have built on the success of their eponymous debut and assembled a mature, assured collection of minimal jangle pop songs.

The cyclical song structure and dark subject matter are offset by a breezy, yet kinetic melodicism. It’s an album that reveals more about itself with each listen, its apparent simplicity masking a mastery of subtlety and repetition.

– N.U.

2. Fleet Foxes – Helplessness Blues

From opening track “Montezuma” to the closing number “Grown Ocean” there comes an unmistakeable polished unity to Helplessness Blues – it’s hard to believe this is just the second studio album for Seattle-based folk rock band Fleet Foxes. Gentle, passionate and unapologetically harmonious, this unique brand of baroque pop is both instantly familiar and something so new and special you’ll have to listen to it over and over. We at The Cascade recommend track seven for obvious reasons. – J.S.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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21

ARTS & LIFE

GAMES 1. Portal 2 (360, PC, PS3) [95] 2. Batman: Arkham City (360, PC, PS3) [94] 3. LittleBigPlanet 2 (PS3) [91] 4. L.A. Noire (360, PC, PS3) [87] 5. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (360, PC, PS3) [94]

6.

Uncharted 3: Drakes Deception (PS3) [92] 7.

Minecraft (PC) [94] 8.

Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii) [93] 9.

The Binding of Isaac (PC) [83] 10. PixelJunk Shooter 2 (PS3) [82] 11.

Bastion (360, PC) [87] 12.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (360, PC, PS3, Wii) [82] 13.

Infamous 2 (PS3) [83] 14.

Gears of War 3 (360) [91] 15.

Assassins Creed: Revelations (360, PC, PS3) [81]

Mini Album Reviews

SoundBites

Although this list of 15 games is absolutely worth looking through, it should not be taken as a statement of fact. Did I finish playing 15 games this year? No. However, after keeping a close eye on the industry, and doing my best to try out a variety of different games on different platforms, I’ve concocted this list in an effort to best represent my understanding of the year’s best. I’ve added Metacritic’s scores of these games to give some representation of how the larger gam-

ing community judged these games as well.

As much as I pin my reputation on this list, I also feel the need to make it known that I did not include any mobile games or flash games in the list, despite the incredible number of quality games in those categories that came out this year. A previous column I wrote included a nod to Pippen Barr’s free flash game Safety Instructions, a humourous typing challenge that leads you through the various stages of a plane crash. I would argue that such a game belongs in a list of the top games of the year, yet it’s difficult to say how it compares to much larger games with bigger budgets and price tags.

It was a tough choice deciding the order, but I eventually settled on Portal 2 as the top game of the year – a popular choice among critics designing “Best of” lists this year. Despite being a sequel (like many of my choices) the game is fiercely original, with some of the most mind-bending and amusing puzzles. The characters are witty and likeable, right down to the robotic sentry turrets.

It’s incredible how great every title in the top five really is. Batman had great puzzles, and great combat. The voice work was stellar and there was tons of extra tidbits – perfect for anyone with an interest in Batman.

LittleBigPlanet 2 took my top three spot due to its instant playability, which makes it perfect for any age group – and all skill levels.

The community this game has cultivated is constantly growing and sharing new levels with each other. There are millions of them (literally), all easily searchable and rated (in the game and online). Now with PlayStation Move support, the game is a pinnacle of not only platform gaming but of gaming in general – it has transcended genre. L.A.

Kathleen Edwards Voyageur Ten years into a career marked by modest, but consistent album output, Ottawa songstress Kathleen Edwards manages to perfectly capture a kind of quiet desperation in the anthems about heartbreak, cruelty and divorce that populate her latest record, Voyageur. On her fourth LP, handsomely produced by new love interest and falsetto folkie célèbre Justin Vernon (Bon Iver), she effortlessly freewheels her way between No Depression country, rock and roll, and intricate pop concoctions; the combination is infectious.

The closest point of comparison might be Lucinda Williams, but unlike her American counterpart, Edwards isn’t afraid to step outside the genre conventions of alt country. She manages to join strong musicianship with an honest examination of personal hurt best exemplified in the excruciatingly bitter, but brilliant first single “Change the Sheets.” The more I think about it, perhaps Morrissey is the best musical reference; there is something irresistibly cathartic about Edwards’ inescapable melancholy.

NICK UBELS

Image: Portal 2 multiplayer heroes Noire is one of the most original titles of the year, providing some of the best animation and gameplay – the closest thing to actual detective work I’ve seen in a game. Skyrim rounds out my top five, a title that may have appeared earlier in my list if I’d had more of a chance to play it. It has to be one of the most enormous games I’ve witnessed, with so many opportunities to specialize your player as you explore the world they’ve created. Here is a game you can get lost in.

Whether this list does an adequate job of representing the best 2011 had to offer or not, and I’m not convinced it does, one this is clear: this has been a magnificent year for gaming. Games have been expanding more and more into the mobile market, allowing all sorts of new people to give them a try. It was the year when Nintendo released a 3Dcompatible handheld gaming device... and I

Alex Chilton Free Again The “1970” Sessions

Although Alex Chilton was the lead singer and face of The Box Tops in the late ‘60s, he was never truly their leader. The young teen was handpicked for his soulful voice, and Chilton soon grew unhappy with the limitations on his freedom as an artist. This new compilation of music represents the midpoint between his Box Tops and Big Star days, which sees Chilton transition from the light bluesy and psychedelic sound of The Box Tops, to the undercurrent of British power pop later explored while playing in Big Star.

Free Again does not serve as a great introduction to this cult hero’s discography, but rather it helps devoted fans connect the dots between Chilton’s first two projects, as he experiments with his vocal range, lyrics and guitar style. Overall the songs found on Free Again are well crafted, but the real message behind this record is Chilton reclaiming his independence from the corporately run Box Tops, allowing him to explore his talents outside of being just “that singer from the Box Tops.”

TIM UBELS

don’t mean the Virtual Boy! The 3DS was released with a poor launch lineup, but the device has shown great promise. It’s also been a year that has seen a step away from “exclusive” gaming. That’s a good thing. The more people that get a chance to play a game the better. It’s also seen further development of XBLA and PSN. There have been more quality, cheap, accessible games than ever before.

Similarly, but even more positive is the increased popularity of Steam, an ideal online venue for PC gaming. This year the program saw over five million users logged in at the same time. Steam also connected with the PlayStation 3 this year with the release of Steamworks – allowing cross-platform play between the PS3 and PC for Portal 2.

2012 promises to be an equally gamefriendly year. The PlayStation Vita is set to release on February 22, bringing a whole new level of mobile gaming to the world, with twin analog control sticks, a touch screen and a touch pad on the back, and a rear-facing and forward-facing camera as just part of the new developments. But if the $250-300 price tag is too much, look no further than your phone; mobile gaming looks to progress even further this year. For the home market, the Wii U is set to come out later in the year. One of the main new draws of the device is a tablet-like controller with a large touchscreen in the centre. It’s also quite possible that we’ll see the announcement of at least one next-generation console this year, likely Microsoft. It’s an exciting time to be a gamer, with new and better technology surfacing all the time. By this time next year, there’s no saying what games we’ll be most excited about, but I, for one, can’t wait. To the future!

Howler

First Aid Kit

This album is a pleasant surprise: at first Howler seems to have a typical indie-pop sort of sound, but as the album progresses, an old-school grunge punk leaning develops. The guitar distortion, which tends to be a little rougher and more noisy, and the ever-so-slightly gravelly vocals are reminiscent of a ‘90s punk style.

This element is just subtle enough to catch the listener’s ear without being distracting: the overall undeniably catchy style keeps one foot firmly in the realm of indie pop rock, and the grunge elements accentuate and complement this style like adding a pinch of salt to a meal. Overall, Howler has created both a homage to the past and an album for the present, allowing for both a hint of nostalgia for styles gone by and something that still modern, popular, and danceable.

First Aid Kit sisters Klara and Johanna Söderberg of Sweden showcase their artistic abilities in their new album The Lion’s Roar. Ironically titled, The Lion’s Roar is perhaps the last image that comes to mind when listening to the soft harmonies performed by the talented duo. The organic vocal styling of the pair is brilliantly accompanied by simple, folk instrumentals making this album the perfect listen after a hard day. On the downside, this album lacks variety between songs, ultimately missing the energy necessary for sustaining entertainment. Despite this flaw, The Lion’s Roar still manages to have me hooked. Two songs stuck out in particular as the most addictive “Emmylou” and “Blue.” The lyrics used in this album express simple narratives in a profound way. I would definitely recommend listening to The Lion’s Roar during one of those draining study sessions; it is bound to put your mind at peace.

America Give Up

DESSA BAYROCK

The Lion’s Roar

PAIGE HOBLAK

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ARTS & LIFE

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ALBUM REVIEW Human Switchboard -

Who’s Landing In My Hanger?1977-1984 Anthology TIM UBELS

CONTRUBTOR

1 2 3 4 5

CHARTS

Old Mare You Deserve More Flight Distance Bad Information Bry Webb Provider Library Voices Summer Of Lust

Blondewich Special Combo A For Three People

6 7 8

Coeur De Pirate Blonde

Tom Waits Bad As Me

B.A. Johnston & The Moby Dicks B.A. Johnston & The Moby Dicks

9 10 11 12

Jordan Klassen Go To Me Blitzen Trapper America Goldwing

Honheehonhee Shouts

Live

Rich Aucoin We’re All Dying To

13

We Were Promised Jet Packs In the Pit of the Stomach

14

Immortal Technique The Martyr

15 16 17 18 19

The Jayhawks Mockingbird Time Army Girls Close to the Bone Odonis Odonis Hollandaze Babysitter V

Radiohead TKOL RMX 1234567

Shuffle DARYL JOHNSON

CIVL DJ/CONTRIBUTOR

Daryl Johnson is a programmer at CiVL Radio, He hosts a weekly show called Disposable Existence every Monday from 1-3 p.m.

Where each week he plays a variety of experimental and raucous music; in doing say, he is better than you could ever hope to be, just not in any way that counts.

Mahria – “Lights” Mahria is a skrams group from Edmonton, AB playing a classic genre with a fresh feel. The track I recommend is titled “Lights”: opening with a subdued melodic riff, then instantly crushes you with maniacal screech from the vocalist, an indication of how epic the rest of the song and album are going to be.

Robocop Alles”

–

“Feminism

Uber

Sludgy, grindy, and a healthy mix of power-violence; Robocop has been able to, in the short time they were together, produce some amazing music. This track is punishing in its delivery, obtuse in its message and perfect for engaging the rage that boils deep inside you whenever confronted with our own flaws as human beings.

GSTS! – “The Machine, The System It Runs On, The Man Who Built It, And The Grindcore Bands That Fight It Everyday” This newest release has the group returning to its math rock roots while still displaying the postrock(ish) writing style that set them apart from their contemporaries in the first place. Great guitar work, rhythms only a robot could dance to (and look cool), and vocals so shrill you wonder if the singer is being stabbed.

Divorce – “Love Attack” This track will break your brain.

Reminiscent of early Arab on Radar, Melt-Banana and AIDS Wolf, Divorce will not disappoint those looking for some solid new noiserock, steady rhythms and guitars.

“Love Attack” will you push you sonically, where it pushes you too depends on your willingness to submit to the weird.

The unsystematic and haphazard post-punk days of the early 1980s saw brand new acts like The B-52s and Joy Division pick up bits and pieces of influences and funnel them into their music. Whether it was the sound taken from a national act or a hometown legend, these bands managed to concoct these influences into something astounding, often timeless, but most importantly, honest. This was the case for the Ohio-bred Human Switchboard, whose lone studio album Who’s Landing in My Hanger? finally got released in CD format for the first time late 2011.

After years of being out-of-print, seldom seen even in vinyl bargain bins, Bar/None Records has given Hanger its long-overdue reissue.

Human Switchboard is perhaps best known through endorsements from acts like the Beastie Boys and Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain, who once christened Hanger’s fifth track “Refrigerator Door” the “Stairway To Heaven” of punk rock. Despite Cobain’s tired metaphor, he was never shy about paying homage to bands that inspired his musical career, giving many ambitious music enthusiasts a starting point in their archiving of lost bands.

Unlike most re-releases, the best thing about Hanger isn’t the additional 30 live tracks and demos found on this anthology, but rather the enhanced mixes of the original 10 songs appearing on the album.

Many of these previously unheard odds-and-ends paint a portrait of the bands lost years, revealing the pure pop blueprints for their unreleased follow-up record. The remastered versions of these 10 tracks, however, allow the listener to further their appreciation of the album’s understated niceties.

Whether it’s clearer vocals on the Van Morrison/Jonathan Richman-

esque “In My Room” or Bob Pfeifer’s declaration of love in “Refrigerator Door” sung in his parent’s native tongue of Slovenian, Bar/ None Records maintained Switchboard’s bracing atmosphere of lament while impeccably cleaning up the original tracks.

Comprised of vocalist/guitarist Bob Pfeifer, keyboardist/singer Myrna Marcarian, steady drummer Ron Metz, and a long list of forgotten bassists, Human Switchboard predominantly covers the subject of late-night tension and romantic spats between couples.

Pfeifer and Marcarian perfectly personify their lyrical drama, as the dynamic of the lead guitar and organ formula gave their sometimes brash garage rock sound a sense of authenticity and charm.

Much like New Jersey’s Feelies, the band took cues from the Velvet Underground’s template of primal underground rock, but reshaped it into something new, interesting, and far removed from the gritty metropolitan 1960s setting and

jagged guitars equated with the Velvet Underground. Pfeifer’s melodic style and often-pitchy vocals draws on that of Velvet’s frontman Lou Reed and Rolling Stones’ Mick Jagger. The raw energy brought by the Switchboards feels less like a studio-recorded album, rather like something recorded in a basement by some good friends. Their style really harkens back to the oldies rock and roll, but with a realness and enthusiasm that keeps it exciting.

Even though this album was released three decades ago and Human Switchboard was never truly able to gain traction in the early 1980s New York punk scene, Hanger was so good that the band was able to gain a large enough following that their existence was not completely forgotten. Luckily, their influence will be felt once more, with Who’s Landing in My Hangar? being again readily available, maybe more people will come to hear one of the most important bands no one’s heard of.

Haute Stuff A sharp dressed man LEANNA PANKRATZ

THE CASCADE

Once again, I have found myself musing on the somewhat appalling absence of men in my column.

I admit that the fault is entirely my own – especially after I’ve vowed to give men’s fashion more of its due prominence. However, I find myself so absorbed by dresses, heels and trendwatcher accessories that I, understandably, overlook the men’s section – which, let’s be honest here, is remarkably lacking in many retail locations.

(Do you hear that, White Rock H&M?) This is not to say that I do not appreciate menswear – quite the opposite, in fact. I am reminded each time I pass a guy who knows how to dress how much I appreciate a well-planned and put-together outfit. In fact, it’s often been men and not women who I am most struck by through their sheer knowledge of what suits them. There’s nothing that quite beats the confidence exuded by a guy who’s taken the time to dress himself. From the clean cut lines of the metrosexual to the cigarette stained snarl of the grunge rocker,

I love a definitively-styled outfit – with a spritz of Chanel Allure Homme to seal the deal, please.

Now where was I? Let’s take a glance at what men have to look forward to in the current and coming seasons? A traditionalist at heart, and a fan-girlish admirer of Cary Grant’s romantic techniques, I am definitely partial to suits, ties and anything with the slightest hint of cinematic drama – a fact I’m beginning to state ad nauseum. It’s no surprise, then, that I could hardly conceal my pleasure upon paging through the latest edition of Vogue to see the return to manly formality that I’ve been longing for. The average guy might not be Humphrey Bogart, but he certainly can dress like him. In the tradition of black and white seducers, winter and spring 2012 runways have been laden with pieces and outfits that speak of moonlit alleyways and cigars – universally labeled the noir look. Items such as structured black shoes, double breasted blazers, trench coats and maybe even a fedora or two have had more prominence than ever. Yves Saint Laurent’s recent collection

boasted navy-coloured blazers that give a good line to the body and a look that exudes confidence and old world charisma. Paired with dressed-down jeans for a good contrast, or sleek black trousers, the noir look is sexy in a Don Draper sort of way. Consider it the sartorial equivalent of a scotch on the rocks.

The tone of the coming season is also a lesson in duality. On one hand, designers have presented a Serge Gainsbourg/Alan Ginsberg take on sleek, beat-chic city wear, while others have brightened up their lines a little, in the manner of Tommy Hilfiger’s preppy essentials in pastel hues and fluorescent resort clothes. (I’d be stocking up on boat shoes, if I were you, boys.)

The great beauty of menswear is its astounding versatility that puts even women’s clothing to shame.

Street fashion mediums such as The New York Times’ Bill Cunningham, or blogs such as the Sartorialist consistently feature men playing brilliantly off of the classic staple pieces. Men are freer than ever to play around with fashion and really experiment with the things that make them tick.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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ARTS & LIFE

Book Reviews Michael Ondaatje– The Cat’s Table

P.D. James – Death Comes to Pemberley

ANTHONY BIONDI

SASHA MOEDT

THE CASCADE

THE CASCADE

Michael Ondaatje’s new book The Cat’s Table is an intimate tale of a young boy’s journey from Colombo to England on the ocean liner, the Oronsay. The boy, oddly enough named Michael, is accompanied by his two friends Cassius, who is somewhat rambunctious, and Ramdhim who is known for his emotionality. Together the three children accompany a group of wayward adults at the back corner of the dining hall at the table known as “the cat’s table.” Each of the adults has their own stories to tell; about their pasts or their interactions with each other. All of these histories and actions are viewed through Michael’s eyes, giving the book a childish spin on the adult world around him. The children begin wandering about the ship, learning as they go and meeting other men and women from other classes of the ship. As the journey continues they begin to learn more about themselves and slowly mature as their perceptions of the world around them begin to change. Throughout the book they become open to the worlds of intrigue, villainy, self-preservation, sexuality and other people.

Ondaatje has been known for his poetic prose, and it is obvious his style has not changed in this book. His new novel takes a deep introspective look at the life of a young boy as he immigrates to a new home. The poetic style of Ondaatje’s writing brings home the emotional connection to the characters to such an extent that the division from book and reality becomes blurred. In many ways the thoughts and emotions of the children seem so real, proving once again that Michael Ondaatje is a master of his craft.

For being such a layered introspective adventure, The Cat’s Table is surprisingly an easy read. The joys of Ondaatje’s novels are not

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy have been brought back to feed Jane Austen fan’s insatiable appetite.

It’s another story for Austen fans to hate or love – perhaps easier to love than one introducing zombies.

It’s exciting to see a prolific author writing a story from Jane Austen’s beloved world – this isn’t just fan fiction. P.D. James, well known for her mystery and thriller novels, blends an artist’s passion for Jane Austen and her skill for mystery writing. She knows Austen’s world through and through, and creates a rich, evocative story.

To be able to read lyrical, vivid descriptions of Pemberley and hear old names of Meryton brings a nostalgia every Austen enthusiast seeks. But her story is more than just that: James weaves an emotive depth into a suspenseful mystery set in the wooded English countryside in 1803. James does not try to mimic Jane Austen’s writing style, and in this way her story is acceptable – mystery-thriller suits Austen well. James reveals an emotionally charged story, where the characters remain true to what Austen created.

P.D. James begins her story six years after Darcy and Elizabeth’s marriage. The prologue to her story is enjoyable, a recap of Elizabeth and Darcy’s courtship from the viewpoint of the baffled and gossipy townspeople. James relays the speculation and assumptions of the people of Meryton with a touch of humour. She informs the readers of the surprising marriage of Mary, unexpected because of her bland and unsociable personality – and the equally surprising matrimonial failure of Kitty.

It’s these details that makes James’s novel worth reading; they act as the breath of life for a beautiful story from a writer who has the artistic abilities to do so. Aus-

only in the style of his prose, but in the ease of their read. A good novel should be one that can be picked up at any time and read without strain, and this novel certainly delivers. With such a wide cast of characters from the table and elsewhere on the Oronsay, there is always something fresh.

The protagonist Michael’s eyes are the gateway into the world around him. The boy gets into nearly everything and interacts with everyone, bringing an almost episodic feel to the adventure.

As Michael visits with those around him, his actions affect their lives. The character grows from an ignorant child into someone who can perceive his own actions within the world around him. The tale reminds us that we are intrinsic parts of the world we live in and that we all contribute to the lives around us. The Cat’s Table is a beautiful reminder of the simple facts of life, and that anything can happen and adventures are around the corner; but also that growing up is an inevitable part of life. Once again Michael Ondaatje has brought us another masterful novel that is worth adding to our collections. It is a solid book with heart and undeniable character.

ten’s stories can be read in so many different ways. And because they are so beloved, readers attempt to recreate them with the same multiplicity of interpretation. There are “SteamyDarcy.com” websites for erotica, novels written set in current time and works like this: Austen placed in a specific genre. But fan fiction isn’t nearly as credible and effective in evoking Meryton and Pemberley as authors like P.D. James. It is a privilege to find an author so well-versed in Austen’s world, with a lyrical writing style and penchant for story-telling.

The tale continues to describe the family Elizabeth and Darcy have made together. James will please any romantic Austen reader.

The marriage has remained happy, with two young sons in the nursery. Pemberley is a warm home and the Bennet family, excluding Lydia and Wickham’s squabbling, is content and settled in their various places.

But, one dark and windy evening, Lydia Wickham rides to Pemberley in a clattering carriage, screaming murder – Wickham is dead. The story continues from here, not at a fast pace expected from a thriller. James does not

write flashy detective work and quick, gruesome deaths in this story, but she effectively holds interest with her characterization and pacing.

She further develops Austen’s characters, the high strung and capricious Bennet family, the arrogant but loving Darcy, the selfish Wickham and Elizabeth, clever and bold. She also introduces new characters with as much depth as the old ones, and their interactions with the well-known characters are interesting.

The mood is dark and grim as old conflicts arise in a happy household. James deftly develops and gives insight to old quarrels. The most captivating is when James puts Darcy and Wickham head-to-head once more, bringing the old hatred into a new light.

But since Jane Austen was partial to happy endings, just as every fan (even the ones that wrote about zombies) loved those endings, James remains true and sentimental. After a beautifully written dark and suspenseful tale, P.D. James leaves Austen’s characters content in their story, as they should be.

Calling all Austen fans – this one is a gem.

.xxx: A new domain to dominate VIOLET HART THE CASCADE

As we all know, the internet—for better or worse—revolutionized pornography. Almost overnight, porn became free and abundant.

Anything for any fantasy became available, hence the creation of the famous Rule 34 (“If it exists, there is porn of it”). Internet porn was an instant hit, to say the least.

According to the Internet Filter Review, there are currently 4.2 million pornographic websites – which accounts for 12 per cent of the websites on the internet, and 68 million searches a day for porn.

Porn has always been controversial and with the increased availability of it, it has only become more so. On the one side, it is argued that our society has become over-sexualized, that children are being exposed too young, women are being objectified, porn addiction is on the rise and that sex is losing its mystery and is no longer a sacred bond. On the other side, it is argued that adults have the right

to enjoy pornographic material, as long as it involves consenting adults, and that porn can be a fun, erotic experience for both singles and couples. There are points to consider on both sides, but regardless, internet porn is certainly here to stay; to get rid of it, you’d have to get rid of the entire internet first.

We are currently entering a new era of internet porn. The dawn of the .xxx domain. Beginning this past September, the domain was opened up to trademarked companies for registration (I checked: walmart.xxx, mcdonalds.xxx, facebook.xxx, youtube.xxx – all taken).

This is an important move. Say, for instance, someone were to start a pornographic site called ufv.xxx – well then every time someone googled UFV, instead of our lovely university they would find a porn site. Not ideal. Hence why UFV bought ufv.xxx (which I’m pretty sure they have no plans to develop into a porn site).

Now we’re at the point where anyone can buy a .xxx website if you’re willing to spend $99.99 a

year. Not everyone is being used for porn, per se; some .xxx domains are just bought to be edgy (such as kite.xxx, an extreme kite surfing website). But obviously, on the whole, .xxx was created for porn – effectively making a cyber red-light district.

There are some great advantages from this. For starters, it would be far easier to safeguard children from porn. It would also be more convenient for adults either trying to access or avoid porn. And, like a red-light district, easier to patrol for illegal content, such as child pornography.

However, there are fears about the new domain. For instance, what if rather than .xxx being a voluntary option for porn sites, it became a mandatory option? At first glance, this doesn’t seem like a problem – in fact, it makes a certain amount of sense, for the above stated reasons. However, there would be the possibility that a country or state could make internet porn illegal and block all citizens from accessing .xxx sites. And what we

have there is a freedom of speech issue. Sure, porn sites would continue to exist underground. But that’s not the point. The point is that, despite all of the potential problems porn can create, adults still have the right and choice to view it or not. Even scarier is the possibility that sex education sites could be forced to carry a .xxx domain as well, which would at least prevent youth from having access to healthy places to learn about sex

and sexuality.

I’m personally not against the .xxx domain. I think it’s a great idea. The onus is on us, however, to ensure it isn’t used against itself.

It’s hard to say at this point what the effects of this domain will be in the long run, but like the content .xxx represents, it’s sure to be large scale. We are about to witness a major shift in the virtual landscape.

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

Review of the Sunday matinee performance of Dead Man’s Cell Phone KAREN ANEY

THE CASCADE

Cell phones are an ever-present, ever encroaching sickness that permeates our everyday experience and emotions. This is the condition examined by Pulitzer prize nominee Sarah Ruhl in her play Dead Man’s Cell Phone.

The play follows the accidental protagonist, Jean, starting when she answers a fellow diner’s cell phone for him, only to find out that he is dead. She then keeps his phone, answering its calls, meeting his family, and basically carrying out his unfinished business in the way that she thinks best. Unfortunately, her actions are often met with shock and confusion, as her mousy yet kind demeanour doesn’t quite jive with Gordon— the dead man’s—personality.

Jean was played by Renee Reeve, who embodied the character quite well in a physical sense. Her attitude and appearance matched the character she embodied. However, at times her lines seemed like just that: lines that she was reciting.

The instances of this were few and brief, yet combined with the general detachment that the character’s nature dictated from the audience,

made for a jarring experience.

The males in the show—Gordon and his brother, Dwight—were both superb. J.D. Dueckman, who played Gordon, played the personable salesman perfectly. He was engaging and inviting, and his monologue which opened the second act was a highlight of the show. Brandon Mindel, who played Dwight, was charmingly awkward. His sincerity as a character grabbed the audience, right down to his movement on stage— hesitant hands, stiff running—all aspects of his portrayal spoke of the character. His performance accentuated that of Reeve’s, and lent strength and humour to the show in its entirety.

Mention must be made of Virginia Cooke, one of UFV’s English professors. She played the mother of Dwight and Gordon, Mrs. Gottlieb. While her acting at times seemed rather rehearsed—like that of Reeve’s—it was somewhat perversely pleasing to hear a professor being so overtly profane. That alone is worth the cost of the ticket.

Gordon’s wife Hermia was played by Colleen Plenert. Unfortunately, this character fell somewhat flat. Though she was meant to be awkward and stiff as a charac-

ter, it unfortunately initially translated as being awkward and stiff as an actress. Her performance was saved somewhat by her portrayal of inebriation, though she was the fastest, clearest drunk speaker I’ve ever heard. Though the theatre medium necessitates clear diction, a more accurate portrayal could have been achieved by drawing out lines or changing pitch and inflection in odd places. During this performance, these tactics were not used. “The Other Woman”, played

by Natasha Ray, fell into the same category as Plenert. Though Ray’s character was clearly meant to be an overtly sexual and confident woman, the presentation of these attitudes was not quite complete.

Though the lines were delivered well, what seemed to be scripted facial expressions often felt very – well, scripted, and did not appear to embody the character entirely.

Part of the doubt in Ray’s portrayal may have come from her costuming. The first costume she wears on stage is a navy raincoat.

Costume Designer Catrina Lewis stated that she was “constantly drawn back to a ‘40s silhouette for both men and women,” as dictated by the film noir inspiration used in the show. However,

Friendship is Magic

the coat had silhouettes that were neither modern nor ‘40s-inspired: in actuality, the coat looked like it belonged in an early ‘90s sitcom. It was ill-fitting and left the audience confused: the music suggested sex symbol, but the coat suggested a farcical take on the trench coat mafia. This carried through to the costumes of other characters: small details like tight, straight-leg pants on swing actors and a misplaced belt on the female lead lent a general air of confusion over just what era this play was set in, and why some characters adhered and others did not.

That being said, the film noir theme, in its entirety, seemed fairly anachronistic. The inspiration made for a lovely and simplistic set design, but this easily-recognizable influence is just that: easily recognizable. Unfortunately, that also means that it’s easy to recognize when it’s done well and when it isn’t. As the costuming and sound design suggested, this is sadly a case of the latter. While the costuming could be overlooked sometimes, the sound design could not. The songs used during set changes and as background sound were not coherent – some fell under the film noir inspiration,

but others were just odd.

However, the biggest shortcoming of all was towards the end of the play. During a certain scene, snippets of cell phone conversations were heard. However, the words were indiscernible and cluttered. Though the script is not the fault of the crew for this performance, the show itself lacked a poignant moment that reinforced the play’s theme. This particular scene—with the snippets of conversation—could have overcome that shortcoming and driven the point home. Unfortunately, it instead came off as irritating and left the audience wanting more.

All in all, the show was entertaining. Well performed—at times brilliantly performed—and mildly amusing, it is not a bad way to spend an afternoon. More importantly, it’s a great way to support your fellow students. Most importantly, it’s inspirational to watch the swing actors, who somehow manage to carry tables, backwards, down stairs and in heels, without tripping. Shows run for the remainder of this week, with extra shows running January 26, 27, 28 and a matinee on January 29. Tickets are $9-$20. To purchase, call the box office at 604-795-2814.

Wave of bronies exert consumer influence over My Little Pony KAREN ANEY

THE CASCADE

In early October 2010, a new television network launched called “The Hub.” Owned partially by well-known toy company Hasbro, it features cartoons that overwhelmingly focus on existing consumer goods. The most popular of these, perhaps, has become My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The show owes much of its success to a cult following earned from the darkest, dankest corners of the internet.

The trend was kicked off with an article on cartoonbrew.com, titled “The End of the Creator-Driven Era in TV Animation.” In the article, the writer lamented the advent of the new network and its shows, saying “the network’s debut closes the curtain on what has commonly been referred to as the creatordriven era of TV animation.” The article goes on to basically write sonnets about such crass cartoons as Family Guy and The Simpsons, implying that these shows are successful because they are creator— not consumer—driven.

The issue with that stance is while the shows may have initially been creator-driven, they are not as much anymore. Family Guy tshirts are available everywhere from Wal-Mart to HMV, and The Simpsons are popular enough that completely valid sociological studies can be made of them (see UFV’s class calendar for more on this).

Television—particularly animated television—is a moneymaking venture. Artistic vision, unfortunately, is secondary to making money.

Shows like My Little Pony represent light in the darkness, though, as they represent the integration of social media into entertainment.

This particular show has a large cult following who call themselves Bronies – adult men who are ardent fans of the show. Together

with their female counterparts, Pegasisters, they have fan sites, conferences (BronyCon), and an incredibly persistent meme that permeates popular websites such as 4Chan and Reddit.

Bronies tend to occupy /co/, the cartoon portion of 4Chan. There, they discuss the show and create images that worm their way into other areas of the internet. These images can cite certain Bronies lingo – such as “Brohoof,” an alternative to a high-five, or use lines directly from the show. An often utilized example of this is the “20 per cent more...” line. In a show, a character named Rainbow Dash says that “[something] needs to be 20 per cent more awesome.” At first, images merely quoted this

line, but now, it’s not uncommon to see Bronies state that a certain thread just got 20 per cent more lame or ask for 20 per cent more cheese on their cheesy nachos that they will consume in their mother’s basement.

The apparent mascot of the Bronies trend is a pony nicknamed “Derpyhooves.” The moniker is derived from the word derp, defined in the Urban Dictionary as “a simple, undefined reply when an ignorant comment or action is made.” The folks that did create it have said that Derpy was initially an inside joke, and basically appeared as a mistake and not as an offensive portrayal. A confirmed employee of the layout department for the show began interacting

Image: memebase.com/ brony as a meme with 4Chan users, and explained: to here: a cult following of a chil“The scene was originally framed dren’s show, developed online, has so that you couldn’t see her face. literally began to dictate portions A revision was called on it, and of the storyline. there she was. Looks like she was Yes, the show was created for a a complete inside-joke for whoever network owned by a toy company. set up or animated the scene. She It’s obvious that, at its heart, it’s almost didn’t exist.” driven by the desire to sell toys Almost was enough for the Bro- and make money. However, the nies, however. Fan art of Derpy- society of the Bronies suggests that hooves began to flood the internet, the culture of social media has the including the DeviantArt profile power to dictate such things. Rathof developer Lauren Faust (also er than being a “slave to the man,” known as the creator of the Power- the “man” is becoming a slave to puff Girls). She and her colleagues pale computer geeks sitting in were thrilled with the fan reac- their mom’s basement. Join the tion, and Derpy (as she is referred movement; there are even Bronie to by show staff) was made into a meet-ups that happen once a week regular character with a tendency in Vancouver. As the Bronies say, to be adorably stupid. This marks “Welcome to the Herd.” the transition that we’ve alluded

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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FilmReviews

The Trip ALEXEI SUMMERS

THE CASCADE

The Trip is a film that explores the intricacies of life through a melodious mixture of laughter and drama. It is bittersweet in every sense of the word. A true dramedy.

Its dialogue is both witty and entertaining without displaying pretentiousness that is often so present in independent films.

The film stars actor Steve Coogan and actor/comedian Rob Brydon, portrayed as loosely-based fictionalized versions of themselves. The plot is simple and refined: it is the tale of two friends—both actors— driving from restaurant to restaurant in the North of England, doing a traveling review piece for the newspaper The Observer. These portrayals of themselves are revisited from an earlier film entitled Cock and Bull Story, also directed by the same director of The Trip, Michael Winterbottom.

The Trip is hilarious. It is full of wonderful impressions and conversations. Brydon and Coogan compliment one another’s dry, deadpan United Kingdom humour delivering nonstop conversation that is fascinating to watch. The art of vocal impressions of famous actors is a complex one. This is best exemplified in the scene when Brydon does his impression of the famous English actor Michael Caine and he and Coogan argue over exactly what Caine sounds like – and who does the best impression. If the viewer’s eyes were closed, Brydon’s impression would be easily confused with the real thing. Other notable impressions performed include Woody Allen, Sir Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Al Pacino and Hugh Grant – to name a few.

The music accompanying the film is heart-wrenching and cold – much like the landscape that backdrops their travels. It echoes through wet English moors as

ARTS & LIFE

Coogan’s burnt-out actor character stumbles around trying to find a small spot with cell reception so he can speak to his ex-girlfriend or his son. It builds a true sense of loneliness and desolation as the wind blows and the piano strikes its sad monochromatic notes, relaying to us of the loss that this character has felt. All the tragedy is with Coogan’s character, as Brydon’s is more chipper and constantly wisecracking. He provides contrast between the life of a man falling apart, and the life of a man who— while he might not have all the answers—certainly has some things figured out.

The film is scenic, and the English countryside is beautiful as the two meander through it in their automobile road trip – and it is a road trip film in every classical sense of the genre. The Trip is a barrage of laughter punctuated by moments of true humanity. The comedy is perfect when combined with the drama of the fictional Coogan’s life. Winterbottom wonderfully executes the fitting dichotomy of loneliness versus humour, and as the saying goes – laughter is the best medicine.

A Dangerous Method JEREMY HANNAFORD

CONTRIBUTOR

David Cronenberg’s films have always centered around sex and violence. In A Dangerous Method, the sex is violent, not only in provocative foreplay but also in the form of affecting one’s psychosis, so is the underlying message as Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud converse and debate on the creation of psychoanalysis. Cronenberg delves into the themes that he is accustomed to, yet he still discovers something new. He keeps the camera glued to Michael Fassbender as they both uncover Jung’s secrets which can be shocking but after examining current lifestyles, not unusual.

Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortenson are as engaging as ever

and, when put together, light up the screen with talent and wisdom.

The chemistry between them is enthralling when they are praising each other’s ideas and accomplishments and it becomes intoxicating when their friendship begins to falter and their darker impressions of one another come to light. Keira Knightley becomes the character Sabina Spierlrien in such a way that one would question her own sanity after watching this movie.

From contracted facial movements to sporadic dialogue, her performance at first feels exaggerated, but it is engaging none the less.

A Dangerous Method is a more mature film for Cronenberg, yet it is his third collaboration with Mortenson. Viggo moves with a different flavour as he encompass-

es a man who truly believed that people were born with a single purpose and that changing that purpose was not only impossible but absurd. This is the basis for the growing agitations between Jung and Freud. Jung believes that through his treatment he cannot only save people from their own imprisonment, but also help guide them on a path to change their purpose. These arguments are the centrepiece of the film as they raise compelling, as well as controversial, suggestions to the theory of psychoanalysis.

While the film’s conversations are highly enthralling due to the superb acting and intelligent script, it does not hide the film’s odd faults. Although the film is in a linear fashion, it can still lose itself with the constant jumps in time as well as unusual breaks in sequences that could have opened more doors about the main characters. Other problems involve the sudden revealing of Jung’s belief in “supernatural” tendencies. The theory disappears as quickly as it arrives and it leaves an empty gap both in the story as well as in the audience’s mind as you try to understand where it all came from.

Cronenberg is never one to stray away from images that can be seductive as well as repulsive but with A Dangerous Method, he attempts to move in a more psychological direction and delves deeper into what one sees inside their own mind rather than what they watch on screen. Although there is a lot of information to take in (especially if you don’t know much about psychology) and there are moments of disillusion, there is no doubt that Michael Fassbender and Viggo Mortenson make this film. The experience is engaging as you will be waiting for the next conversation of minds and theories between the two.

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

POSTCARD LITERATURE Originality Becky Franklyn

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Becky Franklyn is a 2nd year English student at UFV. Has had a passion for creative writing since she was very young. Won a Remembrance Day Poetry contest and had a work published in Fireworks and Shooting Stars at the age of 10. Currently she is hoping to get some time, when not having to complete assignments, to finish editing ‘something’ to get it ready for publication.

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…I wanted to be the best I could be.

News Report: Keeper Becomes Local Hero in Escape of Man-eating Leopard Bonnie MacLellan Bonnie Maclellan is currently enrolled in her last semester of her BA, majoring in English. After graduation she plans to sit down and finish her novel, and hopefully the other two in the trilogy will follow. She also plans to take a course in editing come September and is excited to start that chapter in her life. She has always loved writing and hopes to one day achieve her dream of having a published novel, or two.

Pacing from one end to the other takes a total of 3.75 minutes; to complete the full circle is 7.34. So far today he has walked the pathway 294 times.

Each time he stalks down the same well-worn path, he hopes to see something new. Frantically, his amber eyes search for some vulnerability in the expanse of woven-metal net that surrounds him, but to no avail.

There is no chink in the armour of this great beast. He used to attack the walls and try his great powerful legs against its height, but the instinct to fight is leaving. Passivity is creeping

in, hidden among the daily rations of skillfully carved meat which is completely devoid of life. The only sign that he wishes for something greater is that worn dirt path along the perimeter of the cage.

The great door swings open showing a slim line of foliage not obscured by the patchwork of familiar metal. He licks his lips while hidden among a particularly abundant copse of green. Tail twitching to his heartbeat, he lowers his head and swivels his eyes to watch the man. The keeper moves cautiously down the dirt path-

way created. Thinking that he is safe, he pulls out his noisy machine to lop off limbs from an unruly tree that strained to reach the metal net. As the keeper’s weapon touches the tree’s solid limbs, it screams in protest at its thwarted plans of vehemence against the circling metal walls. This is an opportunity.

While the keeper is occupied taming the willful ways of the tree, the inhabitant creeps out from his hiding. Staying low to the ground, he moves inch by inch towards the pure green slice of freedom unwittingly

left bare by the keeper. He is now less than eight feet from his goal. As he readies himself to pounce through the space and into freedom, a memory of wide spaces and hot, living flesh welcomes him and he knows that he is doing what is right. He vaults his muscular frame through the door and bursts into a full run for the first time since the world was obscured by the metal net.

Joy courses through his body as he stretches out his paws to the changing earth below. He can feel muscles stretching and assisting in his bounds that had

previously been inactive. Digging his claws into the dirt he jumps with legs outstretched towards the girth of a towering tree.

Pain. His muscles tighten mid-leap and he falls to the ground. He feels his muscles go soft and heat begins to emanate from a spot on his side. As his eyes slowly open and close he can see two things: open land, land that extends for millions of 7.34 circuits, something new in every stride… and the keeper.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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ARTS & LIFE

POSTCARD LITERATURE The Final Con Anthony Biondi

I watched the train carry her away. It was my fault she was riding to another city, off to make a new life. But she needed to get away. She needed the change like a man who’s smoked the same brand for half his life.

She had looked up at me with those blue doll eyes, begging me not to do this. She told me I didn’t know what I was doing.

That I was crazy. I didn’t listen.

I never do. She could have talked the night away, but I would have put her on that train just the same. Sure I felt something.

But whatever it was, I put it behind me.

I could still recall the night before. There was a flash of lights that blinded us, casting long shadows over her smooth features. Such features. The tones of red illuminated her blond hair in a way that makeup never could. If it wasn’t for the sirens and the slamming of car doors I would have appreciated it more. Time was up.

“You’d better get scarce and quick.”

“Listen Frank,” she was huffing, in that cute way that dames do. She almost looked angry.

That only made me more determined. “I’ve paid these cops enough not to fear them. You can’t make me leave.”

“I know that. But this town’s too much for you now. It ain’t what it used to be. Those cops

aren’t yours no more. There’s a new chief now, and you don’t own him. He sets his own agenda, and he’s on to you.

Reymonds is locked up; he was caught spending some of your cash. The city is out for answers now. Unfortunately you are that answer.”

I watched her pace, as the flicker of flashlights danced through the smoky warehouse windows. She knew the danger; she thought she was above it. Paying off the right people wasn’t going to do her any good anymore. Her time had run out. I grabbed her by the wrist and led her into the alley. We ran like the wind was at our backs. I knew that my career was on the line, but I had invested too much to give up.

As we reached the end of the alley I threw her into the quiet of the midnight street.

Vancouver was always quiet at this time of night, like a ghost was keepin’ people in doors. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her in close. Her breath had to be taken out of her, but I could still smell the scent of that French coffee she loved so much. She tried to say a word, but I laid one on her fast, the old way, before pushing her back.

“Get outta here!” I shouted at her. “Get the next train crosscountry. Write when you reach Toronto.”

“Just tell me what’s got you so spooked Frank. I’m not leaving till you do.”

“I already said. It’s best you don’t know. Things just aren’t looking good for you right now.

So get the hell outta here before I start loosing some bullets in your direction.” I began reaching into my trench pocket, long shadows hiding the expression in my eyes. A dog barked in the distance. Men were shouting

now.

She ran off without another word. I watched her run, before turning back to the police to explain that she got away.

She was tipped off, I said, there was nothing I could do.

The next day I watched her vanish down the tracks. She was safe now. Safer than I was.

This town ate people alive, but she had escaped its jaws.

I turned and walked into the

wind, taking a drag on my cigarette. Always hated the things, but they were cheap. Cheaper than cigars anyway. Life is going to be different now, without her around; but it’s time I went on the straight and narrow. With her gone, I could finally go clean. If only she knew that I had set the whole thing up. It’s never easy to bury your past when a part of it just won’t leave.

Un-attended Business Bonnie MacLellan

Swirls of silhouetted death delicately drifted downwards according to a calculated pattern determined by the wandering hold of the inebriated talker. They came down in Zs and Ws with the occasional lazy P; any language held within their anamorphous shapes was unreadable. Squinting did not assist in the conundrum of identification concerning the grey cloud. Suggestions of vigour and confusion alerted themselves in the occasional void of empty air. Parting the thickening blanket and taking a single step drew the curtains in a swift outward motion. It revealed the quintessential notion of the evening: an abandoned cigarette smoking in an over-burdened ashtray. I wet my fingers and with now moistened fingertips grasped the smoking bandit shoving its illuminated cherry into the cinders of those before it. The curtain behind fell shut and the world before shot open.

Postcard Lit Call for Submissions Would you like to see your short fiction published?

The Cascade is looking for original short fiction to grace the pages of this fine publication. Each week, we will include a thematic prompt for writers to work with.

Please attach all submissions as a Word .doc.

Submissions must be under 800 words. Show us what you can do in a limited amount of space.

Writers are encouraged to create new work each week to fit with the prompt.

This week’s prompt is: “Lost”

Only one work may be published per author per issue.

*Insert name of story, poem, or monologue here* by *Insert name of author here*.

What we like: - Short stories, monologues, poetry, experimental prose - Please inform us if your submission has been previously published.

Submission guidelines

- Submissions can come from UFV students, alumni, faculty or community members.

Biography: - Feel free to include a short 50-75 word blurb about yourself in your submission.

Response time will typically be one week.

Please email all submissions to: alexei@ufvcascade.ca Submissions will be accepted until February 1, 2012.

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

Blowing your MindPort: The museum that’s not a museum that you need to see 210 West Holly Bellingham, Washington 360-647-5614 Hours: Wed-Fri: 12-6, Sat: 10-5,

Sun: 12-4, Mon-Tues: Closed Admission: Two Beans

PAUL ESAU

THE CASCADE I know of few places within an hour’s drive of UFV which are as joyfully unique as MindPort and none that so successfully defy description. The place has been described by staff as a “museum of phenomena,” an institution to “spark your discussion and stimulate your thinking,” and perhaps most truthfully “a work in progress.” Located on a block which includes the SPARK Museum of Electrical Invention and an independent film theatre, it is surrounded by unusual things yet still manages to stand apart.

Physically, MindPort is a jumble of eccentricities and experiments: a machine for making music from waves in one corner and a playable washtub bass in another. Children float pieces of wood down a stream rushing through the reception area, while using stones to divert its current. A university student tunes the dials on a short-wave radio, attempting to retrieve skills his father’s generation would have considered essential, while a woman studies a marble machine handcarved by one of the directors (it is called Marbellous and its intricacies took fifteen months to build). My first thought upon entering MindPort was that it was much akin to Vancouver’s Science World, yet, while it is composed of a number of exhibits demonstrating artistic and scientific principles, MindPort consistently defies accurate comparison. It seems easier to define it by what it’s not, than by what it is.

First of all, MindPort is not simply a children’s museum. While it is open to visitors of all ages, there are strict rules in place about the ratio of adults to children within each group. Kevin Jones, founding member and current director, explains that the staff have “gone out of our way not to call ourselves a children’s organization.... Children’s museums have a certain tone and they have to make their exhibits bomb-proof, and the more bomb-proof you make an exhibit the less interesting it is.” Children are welcome, yet the exhibits are designed to educate a range of audiences.

MindPort is also non-profit (unofficially), avoids partnerships with government organizations and refuses to conform (to pretty much anything). General admission is $2 per person (compare that to Science World at $23.50) and while Jones admits that MindPort would never break even without private donors, he is adamant that operational freedom is more important than the advantages of seeking official support. This freedom is, according to Jones, one of the integral values of MindPort. They’ll “just keep building stuff, keep amusing ourselves, and see where we

go,” he says, “that way it’s an adventure.”

A visit to MindPort is meant to provoke questions, and one of those inevitable questions is how Jones and his staff get the ideas for the exhibits. Jones himself, who has built 30 to 40 exhibits over his 15 years with the organization, admits that it’s hard to nail down a single source. “They come from all kinds of places...” he says. “The wave music exhibit came about because I’ve been attached to boats since I was very young... and I started thinking, well, waves are very rhythmic and what would happen if you took the patterns of water movement and translated them into music? So [the ideas] just come from waking up in the middle of the night with some silly idea. They come by serendipity.”

Unlike in many similar organizations, Jones makes no attempt to track the popularity of single exhibits, or to remove exhibits which the staff support but don’t experience much traffic. He considers himself to be more of a conductor than a director, and believes that at heart MindPort is a grassroots expression of the joy of curiosity. The “museum” is a way to help people rediscover their environment and consider questions they have perhaps forgotten to ask. “The first exhibit I built,” recalls Jones, “was the one called Interdependence down there by the short-wave radio, and I would say that one person in 100 takes the trouble to really look at that and think about it, but that one person in a 100 is responding to something that maybe they would never see any place else... my attitude has been ‘well, we’ll have a few exhibits out there that aren’t necessarily popular, because there are people that are going to be interested by them, and those people may be exceptional people and exceptional people need to be encouraged.’”

In my opinion, MindPort is a beautiful example of a true community movement: a group of individuals coming together to visualize their ideas on science and art in a public forum. It’s a great destination for an afternoon south of the border with friends, family or perhaps even a date, although I should warn you that once you ventured past the reception desk, you won’t easily leave. What MindPort really does is ignite the embers of our curiosity, show us how much of our world we still hunger to understand.

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ARTS & LIFE

About the Director: Kevin Jones Kevin Jones was one of the three founders of MindPort 15 years ago, and has been part of the organization ever since. He describes himself as being “tremendously curious... about everything, maybe too many things,” and his curiosity has allowed him to accumulate a tremendous number of technical skills. Jones has been self-employed for 35 years, and has worked in carpentry, electric, TV Repair, ceramics, programming, and boat customization. He has sold hydrophones for listening to whales, constructed a universal audio to digital converter (back when it was hard to do), and has spent an unreasonable amount of time formulating the electronics and design for a high-tech espresso machine.

Jones, like MindPort itself, has a profoundly unusual story, and I highly recommend checking out his director page on the MindPort website (http://www.mindport.org/) before visiting the “museum.”

Favourite Exhibit: Marble Pump Oddly enough, the creation I found hardest to walk away from in MindPort was Jones’ Marble Pump. By turning a crank at the bottom, one causes a series of marbles to advance up an interlocking staircase, mirrored by an identical staircase mounted behind it. The nature of the cranking mechanism allows the rotating shaft to produce two speeds of motion, which means that the marbles advances up one staircase at twice the speed of the other. This, of course, encourages the operator to crank harder, slower, and even move marbles in a futile attempt to achieve the human inclination for symmetry.

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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SPORTS & HEALTH

KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE The NHL All-Star Game is a tradition that’s been upheld since the 1930s. For the past while, the starting lineup has been decided upon by fan voting. This year, it is being held in Ottawa, which perhaps is the reason behind four Ottawa Senators getting voted in. The Canucks are the only other team with four candidates named. There are some surprises this year: traditionally, the game is about racking up points, but the league has seen fit to choose the NHL’s top defensive pairing to play – perhaps this indicates a change of heart. The teams will be selected by two captains on January 26, but here’s a rundown of the players they have to choose from, not including the rookies.

Corey Perry, Anaheim Ducks Perry won the Rocket Richard and the Hart trophies last year. Last season he had 98 points, but this year he only has 37 so far. He has a recent hat trick, so maybe things are looking up.

Tyler

Seguin,

Boston

Steven Stamkos, Tampa Bay Lightning Jamie

Benn,

Dallas

Stars

At press time, he’s on a five-game point streak.

He’s known as a power forward, and at six-foot-two and 205-pounds, he can lay a hard hit. Watch for him against the boards.

Phil Kessel, Toronto Maple Leafs Pavel Datsyuk, Detroit Red Wings Consistently referred to as the best stick-handler in the NHL, as voted both by players and fans. He has three Selke awards, which indicates that he’s a great two-way forward. He also has four Lady Byng awards, which means he’s not a jerk about it. He’s five-foot-11 and 194-pounds – listen for the ‘meep meep’ as he speeds down the ice.

Bruins

Mikko Koivu, Minnesota Wild

He was a healthy scratch from the Bruins vs. Jets game in early December because he skipped a team practice. Boston’s GM stated that they had already given him a few passes, but “he’s a young kid who’s learning to be a pro”. He makes a huge impact, but has a classic hot head. Look for him to lose his temper.

Although he is team captain, Koivu has only nine goals out of his team’s 103. He’s tied with Ovechkin for lowest point production on the All-Star team. Look for Koivu to be slightly confused if he manages to score a couple.

Jason Pominville, Buffalo Sabres

Tavares is known for anticipating the play well, though his skating skills often come up short. According to his player biography on NHL.com, he played lacrosse from a young age – it comes across in his playing, with lots of spins and evasive maneuvers.

Captain of the team, he’s tenth in points for the league. He was a Lady Byng nominee in 2008-2009, and was nominated for another sportsmanlike award in the QMJHL. This means he’s the player most likely to hold the door open for you.

Consistently a leading goal-scorer: he was first in the league in 2009-2010, and second in 2010-2011. He’s at the top again this year, in first place at press time. He has a quick release and a great one timer. Look for him to challenge the record of four goals scored by one player in an all-star game.

He spent the first half of the season as one of the points leaders in the league. He has great puck handling and tends to drive to the net. Watch for his explosive skating and sniper-like shot skills.

Joffrey Lupul, Toronto Maple Leafs He’s having an anomaly of a season: his highest season point production has been 53 points in 20052006, and he’s currently already at 47. Watch for his batteries to run out – it’s got to happen sometime. Not much to say about his playing style aside from the fact that it’s obviously working.

Daniel Sedin, Vancouver Canucks

John Tavares, New York Islanders

He is currently third in the league for points. Known as a “Sedin Sister”. Translation? He’s smart, and they’re jealous.

Henrik Sedin, Vancouver Canucks Currently first in the league for points.

Known as a “Sedin Sister”. Translation? He’s smart, and they’re jealous.

Marian Gaborik, New York Rangers Jarome

Iginla,

Calgary

Flames

Captain of the quickly sinking ship. He assisted the game-winning gold medal goal: for a nice recap, search for “The Iggy heard around the world” on YouTube. He’s a feisty player who throws smart hits.

He’s currently third in the league for goals, with 23. He’s having a great season, having already surpassed his goal total from last season. He’s one of the fastest skaters in the NHL when he’s on his game, but his injury-prone nature keeps him from being at the top of his field.

Marian Hossa, Chicago Blackhawks

Claude Giroux, Philadelphia Flyers

He leads his team in points with 47. This puts him ninth in the league. He’s in the midst of a 12year contract, but still putting up great points. This could indicate dedication to the team, but it’s likely just that he’s a hard player. Good all around skills and a hard shot.

Giroux is currently second in the league for points, sandwiched between the Sedin twins. Some of his success could be attributed to having Jaromir Jagr on his wing: the veteran influence shows in his point production, with 27 in 2008-2009, 47 in 2009-2010, 76 in 2010-2011, and already 49 this year with Jagr’s assistance.

Jonathan Toews, Chicago Blackhawks

Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins

Known as “Captain Serious” of the Hawks, he’s touted to be Canada’s next team C. He’s having an untraditionally big year for goals, with 22 to put him fifth in the league. Toews is a very intelligent player, watch for him both in the skills competition and possibly the shoot-out, as he’s also known to be a shoot-out genius.

He’s the unsung hero of the Penguins, overshadowed by Sid the Kid. Though he’s missed seven games this season with a lower body injury, he’s currently seventh in the league for points. He was the Art Ross winner in 2008-2009, and has a consistent history of high scoring.

Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks When he isn’t spending his time allegedly beating up cab drivers, getting photographed half-naked in limos, or touching up his awful mullet, Kane is a very skilled and shifty player on the ice who can create offense with the greatest of ease.

Logan Couture, San Jose Sharks This is Couture’s third season in the NHL. Last year, he had 14 points in 15 games in the playoffs – look for him to do well under pressure.

Though captain Joe Thornton leads the Sharks in points, Couture leads in goals with 18.

Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals He’s tied with Koivu for the least points among forwards on the all-star team.

He’s having an uncharacteristically horrible season, with the lowest point production in his career.

The choice to select him suggests that the all-star game really is about ratings – no matter how Ovechkin plays, he’s going to draw a crowd. Watch for him to mouth off the coach.

Daniel Alfredsson, Ottawa Senators

onstrated

by

The Senators captain, he holds the franchise records for goals (400), assists (650), and points (1050). He’s a good all-around player that tends to make the smart play, as demhis spread out statistical strength.

Jason

Spezza,

Ottawa

Senators

He’s known for his speed, but has good playmaking skills. He lead the Senators last season with 21 goals and 36 assists even though he missed 22 games due to injuries. Spezza has scored more goals against the Canadiens than any other opponent, with 26. Look for the twinkle in his eye when Carey Price is in net.

Milan

Michalek,

Ottawa

Senators

He’s had a good start to the year offensively with 23 goals. Known as a power forward, he plays hard. Michalek is infamous in Vancouver after slew-footing Keith Ballard last season to take out his knee: look for him to target Ovechkin, as he clearly targets high salaries instead of high point production.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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SPORTS & HEALTH

Erik

Karlsson,

Ottawa

Senators

Currently leading all defensemen in scoring, he has 43 points. It’s been suggested by numerous sources that he’s the reason the Senators have kept Sergei Gonchar around – the veteran is acting in a mentorship role. Karlsson missed a game last Tuesday because of “upper body tweaking”.

While this is apparently a recurring issue, he doesn’t expect it will cause him to miss any of the All-Star festivities.

Dion Phaneuf, Toronto Maple Leafs Captain of the Leafs, he’s also sixth in scoring for defenseman with 28 points.

He had 20 goals in his first season (in 2005-2006), but hasn’t hit that total since.

Then again, he’s only played one full season since that year. He likes to throw big hits, sometimes making himself a defensive liability on the ice.

Zdeno

Chara,

Boston

Bruins

The captain of the Bruins is sixfoot-nine and 255-pounds, making him the tallest player in NHL history. He had the league’s best plusminus last year, and is currently is second place with plus-28. He uses his size well. Look for him to block your view of every other player on the ice with his massive size.

Brian Campbell, Florida Panthers He was traded this year to the Panthers after not producing on a big contract in Chicago. So far, he’s doing well, having already exceeded last year’s production of 30 points.

He’s currently second in points for defenseman, right ahead of Edler (with 33 and 32 respective points). This is perhaps indicative of his ability to play under pressure: look for him to choke with the added publicity.

Ryan

Suter,

Nashville

Dan Girardi, New York Rangers He wasn’t selected for his offensive prowess: he’s garnered only 15 points so far this season. Despite that, he’s the star defenseman on the Ranger’s blue line. He’s known for his ability to block shots and be an all around great defender.

Kimmo Timonen, Philadelphia Flyers He’s the smallest Flyer at 5-foot-10 and 194-pounds. Despite that, he has 25 assists and a plus-12. This is indicative of his skill as a skater: he’s very shifty and evades the opposition fairly competently.

Keith Yandle, Phoenix Coyotes He broke out offensively last year with 59 points, but isn’t doing as well this season. He currently has a minus-3, but then again he doesn’t have a lot to work with on his team.

Alex Edler, Vancouver Canucks His team animal nickname is Eagle – whether this refers to his blonde hair or proud style of play is unconfirmed. He currently has 32 points, which makes him third among defensemen and only 30 points behind the franchise record. He’s inconsistent, and currently in a bit of a slump.

Dens Wideman, Washington Capitals Wideman is currently fifth in the league with 31 points. He’s consistently strong offensively – in 2008-2009, he actually tied then teammate Chara for points on the Bruins.

He was brought to the Capitals to strengthen their power play. Watch for his hard, smart shots.

Predators

He’s currently ninth in defensive scoring. With Weber, Suter is the league’s top shutdown defensive line. Watch for them to actually stop some of the world-class forwards.

Shea Weber, Nashville Predators He’s the Predators team captain, and currently fourth in defensive scoring.

More importantly, he grows the best playoff beard ever.

Look to him to shut down the opposition with Suter.

Dustin Byfuglien, Winnipeg Jets He’s currently 13th in defenseman for points with 24, but his team doesn’t have a high offensive output. Look for this former Blackhawk to lay punishing hits and work his heavy shot. Also worth noting is the fact that his name auto corrects to bug uglier.

Goaltenders Jimmy Howard, Detroit Red Wings Howard’s having a huge season, having recently earned his onehundredth win. His GAA is 2.04.

Jonathan Quick, Los Angeles Kings A third of his wins—six out of eighteen—are shutouts. Unfortunately, he’s goaltending for a team in an offensive slump. They’re the only team in the conference that hasn’t broken 100 goals, yet he’s kept them in seventh place. His GAA is 1.98.

Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens Price is the only real hope the Habs have of making the playoffs. This is saying something, considering the fact that he has the second most losses in the league with 16.

His GAA is 2.45.

Henrik Lundqvist, New York Rangers He’s tallied 19 wins for his team, with three shutouts. He was voted on last year’s Forbes’ best dressed athlete’s list: watch for him to flip his hair in between periods. His GAA is 1.89.

Brian Elliot, St. Louis Blues Last year, he was one of the statistically worst goalies. This year, he’s one of the best, with only five outright losses. Five of his 15 wins have been shutouts. His GAA is 1.68.

Tim Thomas, Boston Bruins I don’t want to talk about it.

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SPORTS & HEALTH hockey

Oh, to be a Canucks fan JOEL SMART THE CASCADE It’s probably not the most obvious time to look back at the year that was, but with The Cascade running a best of 2011 list for almost every category on the planet, it feels fitting to take a moment to look back at what the year meant for Canucks fans.

For a great number of us, it was the first chance to really experience a deep run into the playoffs – hey, 1994 was a long time ago! But, there was more to the year than that. It was also a year when the Canucks took home the Presidents trophy for the first time ever. It was a year to remember.

Since the 2010-2011 season marked the Canucks 40th anniversary, the team began the year by unveiling the Ring of Honour, which circles the stadium with some of the most influential names that ever played on the team: Orland Kurtenbach, Kirk McLean, Thomas Gradin and Harold Snepsts. Additionally, the Canucks retired Markus Naslund’s number 19 to the rafters of the newly-named Rogers Arena. A statue of 1982 Canuck coach Roger Neilson was also unveiled outside the arena

to represent not only the team and their efforts, but also the tradition of waving a while towel during playoff games which has lasted until today.

All these moves to remember and grow from the past seemed to spark the team. They finished the season with 117 points, ten above the second place team. Increasing their bragging rights was the fact that they scored the most goals of any team while allowing the fewest goals of any team, for a goal differential of plus-77 (26 above the next best team). Their record was also the best in the NHL both on the road and at home. To put it simply, they had a really good year.

Yet, when Canucks fans realized they were facing their most heated rival in the first round of the playoffs, a team that had sent them packing in the playoffs two years running, they were rightfully frightened. This was a Chicago team that couldn’t quite match the firepower they had the year before when they won the Stanley Cup, but they were still deadly.

After the first three games, it seemed like the Canucks had finally found their number, but then the first real cracks in Vancouver’s hardened shell began to emerge – and so the series

stretched all the way into a game seven overtime. Burrows scored the fateful goal that propelled the Canucks past the “Dragon” that had haunted them, seemingly providing all the confidence the Canucks needed to take a real stab at winning it all.

Kesler emerged next. It was his workhorse ethic and pure will to win that pushed the Canucks past the Nashville Predator’s elite goaltender Pekka Rinne in six games. That was when the Sedin twins finally arrived.

With twin-power finally activated, even the ever-deadly San Jose Sharks could not match the ferocity of the Orca. Five games was all it took.

It was practically summer and the Canucks were still playing hockey...

Vancouver and the surrounding regions were showing the games on the streets, in the local arenas and no one could think about anything else. The jokes about sweeping the Finals actually seemed like a possibility – especially after Vancouver took the first two games by sheer willpower alone.

Burrows’ deke goal that won game two in overtime will forever mark the final moment of glory that Canucks fans will remember about the 2011 run. Though the series pushed its way

All-Star game supports millionaires pension funds KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE The NHL All Star game is ridiculous. Sure, it helps generate new interest in what would otherwise be a slump in a long season, but there are many things wrong with it. First, it’s in the middle of a long season. Hockey is a violent sport. The potential for career-ending injury is just a little too high to make its placement a good idea. Second, having fans vote the starting line-up results in – well, it results in having four Senators and a Leaf on a starting line-up of the best players in the NHL today. Laughable.

However, one of the most frustrating (and overlooked) parts of the All Star hoopla is where the profits go.

It doesn’t go to a charity. It doesn’t go to upgrading arenas. It doesn’t get spent in honour of tragedies, such as those of last summer. No, it goes to the player pension fund.

That’s right. The proceeds from the All Star game go to ensure that these players making millions per year have a comfortable retirement.

The pension plan has a bit of a sordid history. It’s been around since 1947, but was radically changed in 1994. Then, it was discovered that Alan Eagleson, the former head of the NHL player’s association, had withheld millions of dollars from player’s pensions. Since then, the pension payouts and rules regarding them have been undeniably transparent. The amounts to be received, and the rules binding them, are outlined on the NHL’s website in the rule-

book: “... for players who have received credit for less than 400 games played, the amount of $8000 CDN per year... for players who have received credit for 400 games played or more, the amount of $12,500 CDN per year.”

This does not include the (at minimum) six figure bonus awarded to former players at the age of 55. Another thing to consider is that those 400 games include any games where the player did not play because of injury, or games where the player was a healthy scratch. In other words, Keith Ballard is getting a pretty great deal.

From the time of the first official All-star game, in the 1947-1948 season, the profits have gone towards the pension fund. However, player salaries were drastically different at that time. According to the Hockey Hall of Fame, in 1963 the salary minimum was $7000. Considering inflation, that’s about $51,619.63 today. In the 1966-1967 season, Bobby Orr made just $35,000 per year. With inflation, that’s worth about $258,098.16 today.

To compare him to those at the top of today’s field: Alexander Ovechkin, Sidney Crosby, and Evgeni Malkin will each make nine million dollars this year. Yes, $9,000,000. That is more than thirty-four times what arguably one of the greatest players of all time made. It bears consideration that the salary minimum in 1963 was, by all accounts, a drastic jump from the salaries offered during both world wars. To offer a personal anecdote, my own grandfather was drafted to the New York Rangers, but had to turn it down in favour of a factory job in or-

der to provide for his family. In those days, supporting a player’s pension fund made sense. Today, it does not.

The first known professional hockey All-star game was held before the NHL was created, in 1908. It was held in memory of Hod Stuart, a player who had drowned while diving in the off-season. The proceeds went to his family. Another recognized all-star game was in 1933, benefiting Ace Bailey, a Leafs player who was hit so hard by a big bad Bruin that a spectator priest actually read him his last rites on the ice. Though he survived, the proceeds from that year went to him and his family.

After looking at the history and the cold, hard numbers, I’m forced to postulate that supporting a pension plan in an era where players make so much money is ridiculous. Given the tragedies of this past summer, it seems shocking that the profits of this game are not being more aptly directed.

Even if it wasn’t given directly to the families of those deceased, why not use it to promote mental health for NHL players? Alternatively, why not donate the proceeds in their entirety to brain injury research? It seems that there are many causes that could be greatly benefited. This fan would much rather see that than ensure that the pockets of players will be lined just a little bit thicker in years to come.

to seven, many of the games weren’t even close. By the end, everything lay in rubble. Looting, burning cars, nothing was off-limits, but neither could any of it take away the crushing blow of another missed chance.

The aftermath of the riot is still ongoing, with police trying to identify and charge those involved in the riots.

But, hockey goes on. And the 2011-2012 season began so quickly, there was barely time to fit the NHL Awards in between (in which Ryan Kesler, Daniel Sedin, Roberto Luongo, Cory Schneider and Mike Gillis were winners). For many Canuck fans, it almost seemed like an insult to see the Canucks playing again, just months after the devastating defeat. The slow start didn’t help. Yet, as the season progressed, the Canucks began to find their legs. For the Canuck faithful, it didn’t take too long to find reasons to get excited. This Canucks team might have even more going for it than the year before. David Booth gave the team more of an offensive threat, and Cody Hodgson began showing signs that he was ready to play a more prominent role on the team. Jannik Hansen was also stepping up as a more

clutch player as well, scoring goals when they really count. By the end of 2011 the Canucks found themselves at the top of the Western Conference. Though they were just half way through the season, it was clear that they still consider themselves contenders. For fans, the message is clear: buckle up, because this ride could end up just about anywhere.

With almost unimaginable highs and lows, it’s tough to render a final verdict on how the last year has been for Canucks fans. They’ve found themselves among, if not, the most hated fans in the league. They’ve had reason to love and hate (mostly hate) CBC for their biased reporting. But, for a city (or a province) so reliant on one sport, and on one team, the Canucks have done a job better than could have been asked of them. They have been a quality team almost every year for over a decade, and they’re not done yet. Not many teams can say the same. In that sense, we’re a pretty lucky group. But, we’re also 40-year-old Cup virgins. That’s no reason to pout, though. It might seem like an old adage by now, but it’s never been more relevant: this really could be the year we win it all.

“I will iron that shirt like it’s nobody’s business!”

ALI SIEMENS THE CASCADE “And he lays the shirt down. I believe that it is 100 per cent cotton.

He’s reaching for his tool of choice.

It appears to be pre-heated… he’s going for it, here we have it folks, we have someone who is ironing.”

Commentating on household chores seems like something that was once used as a torture device. No one wants to listen to someone talk about how their experience was when they dusted their venetian blinds earlier that morning. Perhaps we have been taking the wrong approach to chores, because clearly there have been new developments that have literally made ironing and other chores extreme.

According to Wikipedia, before Extreme Ironing became “mainstream,” the premise of making mundane activities birthed from the American stoner rock band, Monster Magnet. The band released a video of them taking part in monotonous tasks while on top of an asteroid, which essentially reinvented the task as “extreme.” However one wants to argue the birth of Extreme Ironing, it is the make-up of the art that makes it truly unique.

Essentially, if a person wants to take part in the sport of Extreme Ironing (EI) all they need are a few key pieces of equipment. For starters, you need something to iron, an ironing board, an iron, a camera and perhaps someone to take a picture of you in the act. From here, Extreme Ironing allows for the imagination to run wild. Whether you are tak-

ing part in the sport on your own, or you chose to elect an entire team, how extreme you choose to be is up to your comfort level. In the past, participants have been known to climb to the top of mountains to iron, dive deep into the ocean and eradicate wrinkles or scale buildings in order to steam-rid their creases and crinkles.

Maybe this is the approach parents should take when trying to implement the gold-star chore chart?

Essentially, this extreme sport is only good in theory (or not at all).

Although there seem to be a lot of people who praise the idea of its extremisms, the task of ironing is completely overlooked. The last time I checked, the top of Everest doesn’t have an outlet, and if you try and submerge an iron while plugged in, bad things happen. Most sports require a winner, and in this situation, I am not sure if the winner is based on how extreme the contestant is being, or how wrinkle-free their clothing is after they complete the task.

At the end of the day, we could really turn any household chore, or any chore at all into something extreme.

As cool as it may be to get a picture of yourself ironing your favorite blouse on a cliff, I don’t think it is all that practical. Perhaps I will try my hand at Extreme Ironing when I feel like making my chores more exciting, although I am afraid I might just end up with a burned hole in my shirt and a picture framed in my living room that will be a story worth listening to.

Considering there are no real winners, I will take the liberty of declaring myself the extremist ironer ever.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 2012

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NFL playoffs: from eight down to two BALRAJ DHILLON CONTRIBUTOR The divisional round of the playoffs, perhaps the most exciting weekend of the NFL playoffs next to the Super Bowl, wrapped up on Sunday January 15, as four teams saw their season come to an end and another four got one step closer to playing for the Lombardi Trophy.

Divisional round weekend kicked off with the San Francisco 49ers hosting the dynamic New Orleans Saints in what turned out to be possibly one of the greatest post-season games ever played. The second Saturday game saw the New England Patriots host Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos in what was another record breaking day for Patriots quarterback (QB) Tom Brady. Sunday kicked off with the Baltimore Ravens hosting The Houston Texans who played with their third string quarterback T.J. Yates.

The divisional round ended with the red hot New York Giants paying a visit to defending champions Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field, the results shocking the football world.

The San Francisco 49ers ended the New Orleans Saints season in déjà vu fashion as Vernon Davis caught a pass from QB Alex Smith on the goal line and held on for the game-winning touchdown as he was tackled by two Saints defenders. 49ers fans have seen the exact same game winning play in the post season twice before; the first being in the 1982 Championship game where Dwight Clark caught a pass from Joe Montana in similar fashion. The touchdown play will forever be known as, “the catch,” as it propelled the 49ers to five Super Bowl wins in the ‘80s. The second version of “the catch” was a touchdown grab

by Terrell Owens from of a Steve Young throw in 1998 as the 49ers knocked off the Green Bay Packers. The Saturday afternoon match up saw four lead changes in the final three minutes of play; just when everyone thought Drew Brees had done it again, Alex Smith lead the 49ers back down the field and capped off an 80-yard drive with a touchdown which gave the 49ers a 36-32 victory.

The Saturday night match up be-

tween the Patriots and the Broncos was incredibly one-sided. The New England Patriots routed the Denver Broncos 45-10 on a night where Tom Brady threw six touchdown passes, five of which were in the first half alone. The five touchdowns in the first half is a new NFL record, just one of 52 which Brady holds; the six touchdowns tied the record for most touchdown passes in a post-season game. Phenomenal tight end Rob Gronkowski, who broke the regular season record for tight ends for most receiving yards and touchdowns, continued his destructive way, catching three touchdown passes in the victory.

On Sunday morning the Baltimore Ravens were fortunate enough to squeak out a victory over the Houston Texans. The final score was 20-13 in favour of the Ravens, but seven of the Ravens points came off a Houston interception. On a day where the Ravens offence was nowhere to be found, those points off turnovers were the deciding factor. Ray Rice averaged under three yards per carry and Joe Flacco threw for less than 200 yards for the Ravens who will needed a complete turnaround on offence to challenge the Patriots the following week.

Sunday afternoon saw the New York Giants stun the defending champions Green Bay Packers 37-20 in Green Bay. The Packers offence

simply did not show up to play; four fumbles were lost, including one by QB Aaron Rodgers, who also threw an interception. The Packers offence, which averaged 35 points per-game this season, was held to just 20 by the Giants defence, which is the hottest unit in the NFL playoffs right now.

Eli Manning had a big game for the Giants, throwing for 330 yards and three touchdowns as he and his team advanced to the NFC Championship game for the first time since 2007.

Fast-forward one week. This past Sunday was Conference Championship Sunday as both the AFC and NFC Championship games were played by the final four remaining teams. The New England Patriots hosted the Baltimore Ravens in the earlier of the two match ups for the AFC title. It was a classic offence versus defence showdown as the Patriots and their second-ranked offence battled against the Ravens second-ranked defence. However, unexpected circumstances transpired. The second-ranked offence of the Patriots, lead by future hall of fame QB Tom Brady, didn’t have to depend on his arm to secure a win as running back Benjarvis Green-Ellis rushed for 68 yards and the game’s first touchdown. Furthermore, the Patriots defence—which has been criticized all season for their 31st

ranking—surprised everyone as they held the second-best running back in the league, Baltimore’s Ray Rice, to just 67 yards and no touchdowns.

The game was a close, hard fought battle which featured several plays that could have changed the outcome. Brady missed his tight end Gronkowski on a wide open touchdown pass early in the game. Patriots returner Danny Woodhead fumbled a punt which lead to three points for the Ravens. However, the most important misplay of the game occurred with two seconds left in the game.

Down 20-23 with under a minute left, Ravens QB Joe Flacco led the Ravens into field goal position. Ravens kicker Bill Cundiff lined up for an easy 31 yard field goal which would have sent the game into overtime. Instead, Cundiff hooked the kick wide left which sent Brady and the Patriots to their fifth Super Bowl in 11 years.

During the AFC Championship trophy presentation Patriots QB Brady admitted he, “sucked pretty bad,” and gave credit to his defence. Brady finished the game having thrown for 239 yards and two interceptions; he also rushed for the game winning touchdown. Flacco finished the game with 306 passing yards along with two touchdowns. Following the game, Ravens middle linebacker announced that he will not retire after 16 sea-

sons and that he will be back next season anchoring the Ravens defence.

The second game last Sunday was the NFC Championship game in which the San Francisco 49ers hosted the New York. The game was a defensive struggle for the majority of four quarters. Trailing 14-10 in the fourth quarter, the Giants, led by QB Eli Manning, scored the go ahead touchdown on a 17-yard touchdown pass to receiver Mario Manningham. Alex Smith, 49ers QB, was able to lead the offence down the field to kick the game-tying field goal.

With a score of 17-17 at the end of four quarters, the game went into overtime. Both teams traded possessions after failing to gain yards before 49ers punt returner Kyle Williams fumbled his second punt of the game which was recovered by the Giants in field goal territory. Lawrence Tynes kicked a 31-yard field goal which sent the Giants to the Super Bowl. Giants QB Eli Manning finished the game having attempted 58 passes and completing 32 of them for 316 yards and two touchdowns.

Alex Smith completed 12 passes for 196 yards and two touchdowns.

The Patriots and Giants will face off in a rematch of Super Bowl 42 on February 5.

career, it is hard to be really all that impressed. For him to dunk, it was about the equivalent of me dunking a tennis ball on a seven foot net. The man is just huge. He pretty much

though he has a number of career opportunities open to him. He could release a sophomore rap album—following his 1993 debut album Shaq Diesel. Or he could continue on with his acting career (my personal opinion is that this is his best option). I’m sure that many would be receptive to Kazaam II—a sequel to the 1996 film staring O’Neal as a wish-granting genie who resides in a magic boombox.

That said, Shaq has plenty of experience working in music videos—guest staring in P. Diddy’s “Bad Boys 4 Life” and Aaron Carters “That’s How I Beat Shaq.” The possibilities are really endless for Shaq, unfortunately for us, however, it appears that he will be going into the real estate business and continuing on with his work as a reserve law enforcement officer.

Whatever happened to…?

SEAN EVANS THE CASCADE Welcome to the first installment of a series we are calling What ever happened to…? We will take you back to the glory days of years gone by, highlighting the (some times humourous) decline of famous athletes.

1. Mike Danton

Who is Mike Danton, you ask.

Danton was a rising star in the NHL until his brilliant career was cut short.

Okay, well he wasn’t exactly a rising star, nor were his numbers brilliant.

Danton played 87 games in the league with the New Jersey Devils and the St. Louis Blues, recording nine goals and five assists between 2000-2004.

His career was infamously cut short when he was arrested for hiring a hit-man to take out his agent, David Frost. Apparently he felt he was not being represented well, or it could have been a case of a broken heart.

Rumours abounded that the two were romantically involved after Danton telephoned Frost a week after his arrest, and Frost insisted that Danton end the conversation by saying “I love you” – the case thickens! Either way, Danton spent the next seven and a half years in jail. Alas, all’s well that ends well; following his release from the slammer, Danton went on to play

hockey at the college level and now plays in Sweden. Just this past October, Danton was able to come to the aid of a teammate who was suffering convulsions following a hit. Writing about it on his blog, Danton stated that “One of the luxuries of my prison experience afforded me to take a first aid course and become certified in first aid response…As his eyes continued to roll into the back of his head, his mouth finally opened a bit.

It was at that time that I jammed my fingers into his mouth and clawed his tongue.”

2. Shaq

At seven-foot-one and 325-pounds, Shaquille O’Neal is a giant on and off the basketball court.

In his heyday, Shaq was the face of the NBA. Those days are gone, as O’Neal retired after an unfortunate 2010-2011 season with the Boston Celtics, which saw him sidelined by numerous injuries. Age simply caught up with Shaq. Looking back on his

had to hop a couple inches to hit the rim. Anyways, Shaq has been keeping busy since his retirement and it looks

Have an idea for a Whatever happened to…? Go to ufvcascade.ca to send in your suggestions.

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How to follow through: New Years fitness resolutions KENNETH MUIR CONTRIBUTOR

New Years has come and gone, and with its passing comes another installment of two predictable resolutions that are needlessly doomed to failure. The first usually habilitates an incessant need to improve test marks: “I’m going to keep up with my reading this semester. Definitely. Without question! No more cramming for me.” For me at least, the attempt to wrestle study habits into obedience is as feeble as the feigned optimism made to mark its inevitable success. The second goal always involves health and fitness. This goal often gets buried behind a number of seemingly more important tasks, like studying for a final, or watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Admittedly, there’s not much I can do to help you with the first resolution; you are reading the Sports section, after all (were you really expecting cliff notes on how to become the next Aristotle?). But don’t despair! You’ve come to the right place for the tools you need to start your health and fitness goals, whatever they may be.

And, most importantly, what you need to know to see them through.

The first thing you need to do is find a fitness activity that best meets your goals, and is also fun. It’s hard to stick to any exercise regime if you don’t enjoy it. Too often when people think of exercise, they immediately think of running on a treadmill, stuck in the corner of some stuffy gym. There are loads of different ways to get active that will have you on the fast track to success. It really just depends on what your goals are.

Image: Puliarf/Flickr

“... Too often when people think of exercise, they immediately think of running on a treadmill, stuck in the corner of some stuffy gym. There are loads of different ways to get active that will have you on the fast track to success.”

Goal 1: Losing Weight If your goal is to lose the 10 pounds that’s been sitting around your waist like a spare tire, you’re in luck. There are loads of different ways to shed it. Furthermore, the ways to achieve this goal are oftentimes the cheapest and easiest ways to start exercising; sometimes it’s as easy as strapping on a pair of running shoes and heading out the front door. Generally, you’ll want to look for activities that have mid-to-low intensity levels, and last for longer durations of time: at least 30 minutes, according to Gill Fedechko, a kinesiologist from Golden Ears Physiotherapy.

Here are some examples: • Long-distance running: The benefits of running can’t be overstated; Fedechko affirmed that running allows for weight loss, improved fitness, and increased leg and core strength. The best part is that you can walk out your front door, pick a direction, and start running. It’s that easy. The only cost is a pair of running shoes. And maybe some spandex shorts – because chaffing is no laughing matter.

If the great outdoors aren’t for you, treadmills and elliptical machines are a great option, although a more expensive one. If you don’t have one at home, using one at a gym can cost up to seven dollars every visit, or up to $45 a month.

A much cheaper option is using the UFV gym, which costs $25 a term, or $35 a year, making it the bargain of the semester. The only upside to using other gyms is that UFV’s treadmills don’t have TVs built into them (yet).

• Cycling: Similar to running, cycling allows for the development of a strong cardiovascular base, and will help you to effectively burn through fat, according to Fedechko. Again, it serves as a cheap, hassle-free way to exercise: just get on your bike and go. Of course, a hardcore road bike can set you back thousands, but it’s really not required. Any bike with a decent number of gears should do. Alternatively, most gyms have stationary bikes, and many hold free spin classes, which are group workouts led by an instructor. They usually last for 45-60 minutes and have a pretty relaxed atmosphere. However, Fedechko warned that spin classes are higher intensity workouts, and will work more on your aerobic capacity than burning fat.

• Swimming: If you’re worried about previous injuries coming back to haunt you,

Image: Paul Chapman

Image: Angela Radulescu

then swimming may be for you. Swimming is an extremely low-impact sport that can really help you shed the weight. It’s an all-body workout that also improves your cardiovascular fitness, according to Fedechko. Plus, it’s not all that complicated to do, so it should be easy to pick up. It will dip into your wallet more than running or cycling, however. A single session will cost around $7, and a year pass costs around $500 (the centre in Abbotsford is by far the cheapest in the region at $464 for a year pass).

This means that you would have to swim at least twice a week in order to make the year pass worth the expense.

• Cross-country skiing: I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not easy. It requires a good deal of coordination, and if you get frustrated easily, this may not be for you. That said, crosscountry skiing remains an extremely underrated and rewarding winter activity, once you get the hang of it. It’s an activity that works your whole body and benefits your cardiovascular system, explained Fedechko. It’s also relatively affordable compared to other winter sports. A day trail pass normally costs $20 at Cypress (compared to $60 for downhill). Buying skis can get very expensive, but the Tradex in Abbotsford does host the Winter Extreme Ski Show & Swap every fall, allowing you to buy used skis for unbelievable bargains (visit winterextreme.com for more information). If this really doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, snowshoeing is another way to get active in the snow, and leads to great

Image: Oriol Llado

views and even greater workouts. A day pass and rental cost just $26 at Cypress.

Goal 2: Getting Ripped On the other end of the spectrum is the group of people who want to have the biceps of a bronzed god (or goddess). Unfortunately the direct options become more limited. Generally, you should look for exercises that have high intensity and last for short periods of time, such as sprinting, or weightlifting. If this is your goal, you’re likely going to spend a lot of time in weight rooms. The good news is that there are a plethora of exercises that can be done in a gym, so it’s easy to make fun and variable workouts with enough imagination. Again, the costs involved will only make yearly passes worth it if you plan on going to a normal gym twice a week or more, but the UFV gym gives you access for only $35 a year. If that sounds too expensive for you, there are many traditional exercises that you can do at home, such as core exercises and pushups. You’d be amazed at how many variations there are of these exercises, and each variation works slightly different muscles. Just do a Google search for ideas.

Goal 3: Getting Fit If you don’t have a specific goal, but want to get fit all the same, the possibilities are almost endless. Progress here won’t be as dramatic as the specific goals listed above, but it will be bet-

ter-rounded, as you’ll experience both weightloss and toning. Typically, this applies to most team sports. For ease of access, UFV also offers a number of excessively reasonably-priced activities for you to get involved in. The north gym features a drop-in program that lets you use any sporting equipment available at no cost.

There’s also a number of fitness classes, such as a Beginner Fitness Class, Zumba (a dance class), and Pilates (it’s like yoga, but more intensive).

If that’s not enough, there are drop-in intramurals held as well. These are all included in the $15 per-semester or $20 per year pass that can be purchased in Building E. For a little bit more, you can also enter the Intramural League, which runs for eight weeks, and costs $15 per player.

You may also enjoy getting out into the wilderness. If that’s the case, be sure to get on the mailing list of the Student Outdoor Life and Recreation Outdoor Club (SOLAR), which organizes outdoor trips such as hiking or kayaking. They’ll notify you if any events are coming up. For more information on programs offered at UFV, visit ufv.ca.

By now, you should be getting a good idea of what you think will work for you. In coming issues, we’ll discuss how to stay exercising once you’ve started, and what sort of effects sleep and nutrition can have on your progress.

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Getting started: equipment and your first week KENNETH MUIR CONTRIBUTOR It’s time once more to think about vanity. Erm, I mean, fitness. Those two things are in no way related.

Do I flex in front of the mirror after I work out? Who told you that?

I’ll break his legs. Right after I’m done flexing in front of this mirror.

With your goals and potential exercises in mind, the next step is to actually go do them. This is where most people get hung up. They’ll start to run a few times a week, develop a sore hip after two days, and then never run again. My goal is to not let that happen to you, assumedly avid reader.

Let’s talk about what can be done.

What to wear

It’s pretty intuitive: wear what’s most comfortable. It’s not necessary to buy a pair of $400 running shoes if you’re comfortable in those old ones that have been sitting in the back of your closet for the last three years.

Function is more important than fancy dress in the realm of fitness. If it feels good (as in doesn’t cause you problems while exercising), then it is good. If it doesn’t feel good, then investing in some new shoes or clothes may not be a bad idea. I highly recommend having spandex shorts and shirts, or anything that reduces friction, if you plan on running or cycling. It’s not a good sign if you walk

around like you’re constantly trying to straddle a traffic cone after your workout. Chaffing is serious business. Lastly, if you’re planning to exercise outside, wear slightly fewer layers than you think you’ll need.

It’s colder out when standing still than when you’re moving about.

Warming up

Warming up generally refers to throwing your arms and legs about in an effort to get some blood moving through them before you start your workout. It may feel somewhat silly, or even a waste of time, but warming up for five to ten minutes is absolutely crucial to preventing injury, especially if you’re starting to work out for the first time (or starting to work out for the first time in a long time).

Start slowly

Doing things Terry Tate style early on will also lead to early injury, and consequently, a halt in progress.

Start slowly. If your goal is to run 30 minutes three times a week, start your first week by jogging and walking for 20 minutes for each session.

On the second week, try walking a little less. On the third week, try not walking at all. On the fourth week, try running for 25 minutes. And so on. Small increment steps in progress are the key to success. Trying to run for 30 minutes right away, if you have a low fitness level, is equivalent

to riding bareback on a horse for the first time and immediately going “YAW HORSIE,” and sending it at full gallop. It’s going to go wrong (and cause some kind of groin injury).

Expect pain

Despite all efforts to minimize bodily harm at the onset of a new exercise regime, you will still accumulate a monumental amount of soreness in your muscles on your first week. This is completely normal. It’s not a sign that you’re too unfit, or that exercising is too difficult and painful. This initial soreness will last for at most a full week, after which you should never have to feel it again, the clincher being that you need to continue to exercise continuously. Your body simply isn’t accustomed to this kind of stress yet. Eventually it will adapt.

It’s important not to get discouraged and to continue your workouts. Yo-yo exercising will result in experiencing this pain again and again, for every consecutive exercise start-up.

For those who push through it and keep exercising, you should only feel truly sore again if you do something exceptionally strenuous or exceptionally new, such as changing activities from running to rock-climbing.

With these things in mind, you should be ready to tackle your first few weeks of exercising. Try to stick with it until the next issue, in which we’ll discuss staying motivated.

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$15 Saturday, Jan 28 Women @ 5 p.m. & Men @ 7 p.m.

For more information, call 604-557-4041 scan the or visit www.ufv.ca/athletics

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Extraordinary General Meeting Agenda 1. Adoption of the Agenda 2. Motions i - WHEREAS the Student Union Society sees the necessity to increase the

BE IT RESOLVED THAT the Student Union Society restructure the executive positions of the Board as presented. ii - BE IT RESOLVED THAT the SUS Bylaw 30(8) be amended to read

determined at the incoming Boardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Orientation retreat.â&#x20AC;?

3. Question Period 4. Adjournment

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