HOBOSCOPES

AQUARIUS

How are you today, Aquarius? How’s it going? What’s up? Don’t you think it’s weird that we often ask such broad and important questions of people and then we expect a quick, pleasant, two-word answer? But I’d like to encourage you to answer those questions today, Aquarius, first just for yourself, and then find somebody to tell. How are you? No, seriously. How are you?

PISCES

When I was a kid, I had a rope-swing on a tree next to a wobbly, wooden fence. I’d swing out and let go and see how far I could fly before I crash-landed in the dirt. Then I’d get up and try it again. Yesterday, I walked out of the house and realized I’d forgotten my lunch and I turned around too fast and sprained my neck. Bodies get older, Pisces. We change. And sometimes it makes us too cautious. Take care of yourself. But don’t forget you used to fly. Try it again when you can.

ARIES

Sometimes it’s just like solving a jigsaw puzzle, Aries. You see some pieces that are the same shade or the same brightness. You see some pieces that go on the edge. You see a word that starts on one piece and finishes on another. You can put some things together so quickly. But somewhere around the middle it all gets gummedup. Keep pushing through, Aries. Keep sorting. Keep doing the work and finding the fit. It may not flow right now, but all progress is progress.

TAURUS

The James Webb Space Telescope is the most powerful and advanced infrared telescope ever created. It took over 25 years and nearly 10 billion dollars to develop and build and at the end of last year, it was finally launched into space. As it left the atmosphere, the ground team began checking off a list of 344 potential points of failure. 344 opportunities for the Webb telescope mission to fail before it sends back it’s first image. Sometimes it feels like there are just too many things that can go wrong, Taurus, but it’s not as fragile as it seems. You’ve got a great start and a great team. Just get out there and unfold.

GEMINI

When’s the last time you wrote a Valentine, Gemini? Not one of those heavy “I love you till the end of time” numbers. I’m talking about a light and easy “You rock!” or “Our class wouldn’t be the same without you.” This time of year, people like to go all out for their one person, and that’s great. But maybe this is a good chance to write an encouraging note for everybody in your class, Gemini, even if you haven’t been in class for a while.

CANCER

I love that video of the dog running up to the porch with his tail wagging, but he can’t get inside because he’s holding an entire tree branch in his mouth. He’s so excited to show off the big stick, but the stick won’t fit through the door. What are you holding onto, Cancer, that keeps you from getting where you want to be?

LEO

I never know what to do with my hands when I’m in a conversation, so I got myself a Yo-Yo. I wanted to let you know, Leo, because when we were talking earlier, I could tell you thought I was distracted. But I really was paying attention. You were telling me how hard things have been while I was doing “the sleeper.” You said you were afraid nothing would ever change and I was “walking the dog.” You asked if I knew what it was like to feel so lost. I was “rocking the baby” and I guess that’s when you left. I do know what that’s like, Leo. And I hope we can talk again soon. I might still be practicing “around the world,” but I’m listening.

VIRGO

Remember your first job, Virgo? You showed up so early on the first day that it was still dark and the office was locked. So you walked around to the back of the building and behind the dumpster was your new boss and the director of HR loading some kind of large, strange, softly glowing orbs into an ice-cream truck. They told you to tell no one. They told you to go home and never come back. They still send you a paycheck every month. Wait, Virgo, that wasn’t your first job, it was a dream I just had. Still, your dream job could be just around the corner. Maybe back by the dumpster, in the pre-dawn black.

LIBRA

I’ve been playing that online game where they give you six chances to guess a five-letter word. It was fun at first, but now every time I finish I just stare at those words — all the letters in the little squares — and I wonder if it all means something. Like, are my guesses a message from my own subconscious trying to tell me something important? Or is it just a bunch of letters? Today I guessed “PEACE, TAKES, QUIET, BRAIN, RELAX, LIBRA.” Do you think it means anything? (I’m not very good.)

SCORPIO

Remember when you carved a heart into that tree, Scorpio, and you carved those initials in the middle? And the tree grew and the shape of that heart stayed in the bark. But the initials you carved didn’t turn out to be the ones that stayed. It’s funny that we think anything is permanent, Scorpio. We’re born into a world that’s changing and it changes as long as we live. But we keep looking for something to last. Carve a heart around the change, Scorpio. Love the growing tree and the shifting sky. And it will draw a different heart around you every day. Love the change.

SAGITTARIUS

I have a friend who knits. He says it gives him something creative to do and it keeps him off his phone. He showed me a scarf and a hat and a little pillow cover and then he told me the most important thing he’s learned from knitting. He said that sometimes he realizes he’s made a mistake. And sometimes he realizes he just doesn’t like the pattern he’s working. He said as soon as you know, you have to stop. You have to rip back the yarn to where things went wrong. And you have to start again. You can make it right, Sagittarius, but you have to go back.

CAPRICORN

The targeted-ads on my phone keep trying to sell me hamster supplies. Hamster cages. Hamster food. The little plastic ball that hamsters can run around the house in. But I don’t even have a hamster, Capricorn. These targeted ads don’t work! But maybe I should get one. They do look pretty cute going for a run on that little stationary wheel. We’re all susceptible to influence, Capricorn. Keep an eye on who’s influencing you.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a registered yo-yoer, or a trained knitter. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1