HOBOSCOPES

TAURUS

I just love Halloween, Taurus. That time of year when you get to wear a mask and pretend to be anybody you want. Wait, a second, isn’t this May? Why is everybody wearing...oh, right! There are other reasons to wear a mask than to fool people, Taurus. You might even wear a mask to keep people safe. Still, it’s a good week to think about all the masks you’ve worn, Taurus. Why did you wear them? Was it for you or for other people? How many masks are you wearing today? Which ones can you take off? (Probably keep the literal one.)

VIRGO

When I was 15, I couldn’t wait to get my drivers license. It seemed to me that driving would be absolute freedom. I could choose the music. I could choose the speed. I could choose my destination. Even now, Virgo, I could really go anyplace I want. But it feels like there’s no place to go. It’s tough to be present and content and stay put. But I think there’s a lot we can learn in staying still. Be where you’re at, Virgo. Wait till it gets uncomfortable. Then keep being there a little longer.

CAPRICORN

I’ve never seen the lawns around here look so nice. I feel like my neighbor Bill mows his twice a week. And Sandra, on the other side, is out front with the hedge-clippers again. There’s barely any hedges left. It’s good to stay busy, Capricorn, but when the work is done you may have to just let it be done. It’s not always pleasant, the feelings that sneak in when there’s no more work to do, but you might need to feel those feelings, anyway.

GEMINI

What a weird day, Gemini. What a weird week. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since life was anything but weird. But what’s weird today has a funny way of becoming what’s normal later on. People get used to things. We can’t even help it. And you can’t always pick the circumstances that you’ll eventually normalize. But there are some choices you get to make along the way. You can choose how you respond. Do some of that today, Gemini.

LIBRA

I got out and worked in the garden this week, Libra. I pulled up all the weeds and turned the compost. I got the beds ready for the season. But then I stopped. I didn’t plant a single thing. I just left it sitting empty. And maybe, this time, that’s OK. Maybe we don’t always have to be producing to be worthwhile. Maybe this is a season to let the garden alone.

AQUARIUS

They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. But there’s another trick to it besides just the time, Aquarius. If you trade one habit for another, it’s too easy to just switch between them. I stopped biting my nails for three weeks and when I got done I couldn’t stop cracking my knuckles. Breaking a habit creates a void. Voids tend to fill, so make sure you fill it with something you want to keep.

CANCER

You’ve learned a lot in the last few weeks, Cancer (and I’m not just talking about your Wikipedia rampage about the Spanish Flu of 1918). You’ve learned a lot about what you really need and what’s optional. When the time comes, you may start to add some of those optional things to your life. I hope you’ll go slow, Cancer. Because if you don’t add back all the things you never really needed, you might end up with enough room for the things you really want.

S C O R P I O

Honestly, I kind of like the idea of purgatory. Most ideas about the afterlife are so absolute, but purgatory is refreshingly indefinite. That there would be an in-between place. Some people think purgatory is where you work out the messes you made in life. Some people think it’s just a bus station where you wait for what’s next. If you find yourself in purgatory, Scorpio, I suggest you make the most of it. Spread out. Think slow. Right some wrongs. Take advantage of the in-between.

PISCES

When I was a kid, I had a friend who told me he had super powers. “I know because I drank shampoo and it didn’t kill me.” His logic was not air-tight. You do have super powers, Pisces. You have patience and endurance. You’ve learned to be kind to yourself and others. But it’s still tempting to test yourself. To grab a bottle and see what you can survive. We’re already impressed. There’s no need to put yourself through that just to show us you’re a hero.

LEO

The most recent ice age ended about 12,000 years ago. You know who hates ice ages? That’s right, earthworms. Earthworms hate ice ages because they have a hard time surviving them. In fact, 12,000 years ago, there were no earthworms left in North America. Lucky for them, European settlers brought plants across the ocean and the plants brought European earthworms and thus the re-wormening of America began. This just goes to show, Leo, that no matter how frozen you feel right now, there’s a time coming when hope is gonna be wriggling around you again. Don’t stress. Take the time you’ve got to lay dormant and wait.

SAGITTARIUS

I just received word that the Council for Health Among Amateur Astrology Professionals (CHAAAP) is loosening some restrictions on non-essential astrological activity. On the one hand, I’m relieved. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to adequately provide a one-onone reading. On the other hand, I’m a little nervous. What if it’s too early? What if they’re wrong? One thing to remember, Sagittarius, is that just because you’re allowed to do something, doesn’t mean you have to do it. Go easy. Caution is still cool.

ARIES

Well, you know what they say, Aries, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Unless, of course, they just change and change and keep changing and don’t stay the same at all. Which can also happen. In that case, you might have a hard time finding anything familiar to hold on to. If that’s the case, Aries, I’d suggest two things. First, check in with the people who love you. Even if they’ve changed, they’re still on your side. Outside of that, you should check in with yourself. You can be one of those people who love you, too.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, an ordained minister, or a certified sarcasm analyst. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1