HOBOSCOPES

GEMINI

The first time Vishnu came, he was as a fish. Manu (the first man) found the tiny fish who asked him for protection. Manu accepted the task and cared for the fish as it grew and grew. The fish warned of an impending flood. The fish told Manu to build a boat. When the flood came, Manu’s boat was ready and the (now gigantic) fish pulled the boat to safety with his horn (he had a horn). Sometimes there are small voices warning us of a flood to come. They’re easy to ignore. Nobody wants to hear that things are gonna get harder. But remember, Gemini, sometimes that voice is Vishnu himself. Sometimes the little voice knows what’s coming.

CANCER

I just live streamed my niece’s high school graduation. What a time to be alive, Cancer! All those class valedictorians and salutatorians and mandalorians got up and talked about “these unprecedented times.” They know there’s something going on. They might even know what it is. It made me feel hopeful, like maybe a new generation will take new steps and make new changes. But it also made me remember, Cancer, that you don’t have to be in line for a diploma to graduate. You can move on to something else today. You can start doing things a different way.

LEO

So maybe you’re having a little bit of a realization right now, Leo. Maybe it’s not very comfortable. The world might look different than you thought it did. It might feel like a moment to take a breath, pat yourself on the back, and post something edgy on instagram. But it’s not that moment, Leo. It’s a moment to dig in deeper. Because you aren’t the first person to realize what you’re realizing. And you’ve still got a lot of work to do. Read about it. Ask questions. Ask yourself why you feel the way you feel. You’re doing great, Leo. But you’re not done yet.

VIRGO

Apparently, the transformer right above my bedroom window is leaking oil. The guy from the electric company came by and said it’s a fire hazard and they have to shut off my power until they can replace it. What’s weird to me is that I didn’t even notice. All this shiny, sticky goo running down the glass and onto my windowsill and I didn’t even know it was there, much less that it was dangerous. You might be noticing some things about the world you’ve been living in Virgo. It might even be a situation that you have to fix immediately. While the power is out, why don’t you just sit in the dark and think about what those things might be.

LIBRA

Did it work, Libra? Did wearing your seatbelt work? It’s hard to say, really. There were no wrecks. There wasn’t even traffic. You got from home to work and back again without incident. Everybody knows seatbelts save lives, but it seems like your seatbelt didn’t do much of anything today. Even so, you’re going to wear it the next time you go out, right? Good. There are some decisions we make where we’ll never really know the outcome. We just have to work with the best information we’ve got. All the same, Libra, keep it up.

S C O R P I O

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the junk in my place and I just have to do a quick clean. Y’know, do the dishes, sweep up the dust bunnies, recycle the mail that’s spread out all over the coffee table. But I always end up with a pile of junk that I don’t know what to do with. My tendency is to shove it in my closet. Then I don’t have to look at it or think about it or deal with it at all. But, as I’m sure you’re aware, Scorpio, if you keep shoving things in there, eventually it starts to come out under the door. And sometimes you can’t get the door shut anymore. Then you’ve really got a mess. Deal with the hard stuff now, Scorpio. Sit with it until you know what you have to do.

SAGITTARIUS

I’m a lousy gardener, Sagittarius. One reason is that I never want to pull up anything. If a stray tomato plant pops up next to my squash, I just let it grow. If three marigolds pop up in the same tiny pot, I just leave them alone. Who am I to decide? The problem is, Sagittarius, that tomatoes and squash and marigolds all need room to grow. If I try to have a little bit of everything, I end up with wimpy tomatoes, frustrated squash and puny marigolds. But if I decide which one I want, I can nurture it. You can, too. Decide what you want to thrive. Let the rest go.

CAPRICORN

You’ve heard it said, Capricorn, that when the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I think you have some things coming up that may require a more diverse toolbox. In fact, once you get more accustomed to using your new tools, you may need to go back and see if you’ve already hammered anything that just needed a good dusting.

AQUARIUS

My peanut butter assures me that “separation is natural,” but I’m still always surprised by how distant I feel from the people I grew up with. How can they still be so much the same while I feel like I’ve changed so much? I see them on the internet, agreeing with each other about ideas I’ve long let go of. You might be just as baffled by the other people in your sphere, Aquarius. How can they believe that? All you can do is be who you are. Share what you’ve learned. And don’t be afraid to stir the jar a little bit.

PISCES

When it rains, it pours, Pisces. Sometimes it rains frogs. Sometimes it pours boiling oil from the castle wall. I feel like it’s all coming down right now. I could tell you to bring an umbrella. I could tell you to stay inside. But I think it’s different this time. I think we’ve got to go to the source. What rains? What pours? Can we get to the source? Can we turn this around? This seems like a good time to find out.

ARIES

When we all got phones with cameras in them, I thought we would use them to share pictures of funny looking cats and birthday cakes. I didn’t guess that people would use them to expose humanity’s most deeply seated problems and kick off revolutions for justice and equality. It makes me excited about what we’re capable of when we have the resources. I think you might have more resources than you even know, Aries. I think you might be capable of an awful lot. Use what you’ve got.

TAURUS

Though the FAA has never made it a rule, it is generally advised that pilots and copilots don’t eat the same meal on a flight. If they both get the chicken, you’ve got a whole planeful of people relying on that chicken. But if one gets a chicken and the other one gets, let’s say, a banana split sundae, then you’ve probably got one well-fed pilot and one pilot who really feels cared for. So are you gonna go for the nutrition, Taurus? Or are you gonna take the self care?

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained nutritionist, or a certified electrician. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1ackggroud