Hoboscopes

CANCER

The Colossus of Rhodes was a 110-foot statue of the Greek sun-god Helios that overlooked the harbour of the city of Rhodes. It took 12 years to build and it is still considered one of the wonders of the ancient world. But it only stood for 56 years before an earthquake knocked it down. More than 2,000 years later, we still know a lot about Greeks. We know about their wars and their triumphs and their religions and their crimes. We even know about some of the statues that came down. But we don’t have to rebuild them. This week, Cancer, what can you build that shows the world the best you’ve got?

LEO

I just got another mass-email from The Public Association of Semi-Trained Amateur Astrologers (PASTAA). They’ve been sending a lot lately. This one is about how PASTAA has always been committed to equality and justice. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. I try to take these things at face-value and not be too cynical about corporate confessions around social good. But, when it comes down to it, organizations tend to evolve around their own best interest. I’d rather hear from a person than a faceless “we.” It makes me think, Leo, about my own responsibility. Am I letting things go unsaid because I assume everybody knows? Are you? Just checking.

VIRGO

You may have heard it said that “deeds done in darkness will eventually come to light.” That used to scare me, Virgo. I thought it just meant that my dad would find the firecrackers I was keeping in my dresser drawer (he did). These days, I find it more of a relief. I’m realizing that if it has to be hidden, it may not be worth doing. If it takes a secret, midnight-meeting to get the job done, you may not be working on the right side. What could you bring to light this week, Virgo?

LIBRA

I liked David Bowie because he was always changing. First he spearheaded glam-rock. Then he ran headfirst into ambient-pop. He tried soul and dance. He may have accidentally invented grunge. He got fairly goth and darkly electronic. He reminds me of you lately, Libra. You’ve been moving from one thing to the next and, frankly, you’ve been great at all of it. I just wanted to let you know that if you ever want to go deeper and focus on just one thing for a while, you’re allowed to. Even if it’s just dancing with muppets or staring into space.

S C O R P I O

Some say that morality asks “what kind of person do I want to be?” while ethics asks “what’s the right thing to do?” And then, Scorpio, there’s the law. At it’s best, the law sets a basic standard of behavior in which a person can determine their morals and act ethically. But we all know that not all laws are good. We know that laws change, sometimes overnight, and that a change in law couldn’t possibly be a change in what is right and wrong. It’s exhausting, Scorpio. That’s why I appreciate all the thought you’ve been putting into this. What kind of person do you want to be? What’s the right thing to do?

SAGITTARIUS

I had to take my cat to the vet today, Sagittarius. Don’t worry, he’s fine. Just needed some electrolytes and some blander food. But today it just felt like one more thing going wrong that was going to take every ounce of emotional energy I have left. It didn’t. I’m all right too. I just needed some electrolytes and some blander food. But I wanted to remind you, Sagittarius, that if it’s all getting to be too much, you’re not alone. We’re all in it. And we’d love to hear from you.

CAPRICORN

I’m hearing a lot of jokes lately about how this year keeps getting weirder and weirder. Attacking insects? So 2020. Bizarre weather? Totally 2020. Dancing fish? 2020 is at it again. And it’s nice to have some unseen, disembodied force to blame all the weirdness on, Capricorn, but at some point I think we have to admit that this is real life. That this is actually where we’re at. That if a meteor lands in your driveway and mice take over the school board and the river fills up with chocolate milk, it’s not just 2020 doing it’s thing. It’s what we have to work with. I’m excited to see what you’ll do with it.

AQUARIUS

It’s funny how my tendency to avoid conflict is the thing that most often brings me into conflict. Like, I avoid writing the email until the absence of the email is a stronger statement than the email would have been. You may not relate to this, Aquarius. I’m not sure. I’ve been afraid to ask. And now here we are in this awkward conflict that I could have avoided if I’d just taken it head-on. So, I’ll put it out there, are there things you’ve stopped paying attention to that are getting larger in the absence of attention. You don’t have to tell me. But you should probably check.

PISCES

I used to love to go to concerts, Pisces. Standing in a crowded room for hours, awkwardly packed-in with strangers who love the same music you do. Cheering and singing along and breathing the same air as hundreds of other people. I’m sorry, this image is making me feel a little panicky. I was going to say something about how it helps to know you’re not alone. And you really aren’t alone, Pisces. And it really does help, at least for me, to know that somebody, maybe you, is with me in this. But maybe this time we won’t prove it in a crowded, humid room, if that’s OK?

ARIES

I’ve learned a lot lately about food delivery services. First of all, Aries, they are great. Your favorite food delivered right to your door! Secondly, and you may have suspected this, I have spent way too much money to experience this phenomenon. Sometimes, Aries, you only need to try something once to know it’s not a sustainable solution. But sometimes we keep trying it because it seems like it should work. I’ll be thinking about this for the rest of the evening while I browse pictures of thai food and eat another peanut butter and honey sandwich.

TAURUS

Have you been experiencing more anger lately, Taurus? I know I have. I get mad about the people in charge. I get mad about the people I disagree with on the internet. I get mad about the people I see in the grocery store who are going to the grocery store wrong. I’m amazed at how much anger I have to spread around. What I’ve been trying lately is not wasting my anger on hypotheticals. What I mean, Taurus, is that I’m very often angry at what I think somebody means or what I think they’re doing or what it might result in. If you want to give it a try, pick somebody you’re angry at and take away all the things that you don’t know 100 percent certainly to be true. What’s left?

GEMINI

You know that old song “Rock and Roll is Here to Stay?” I think about that song a lot. It was by a band called Danny and the Juniors in 1958. I like the part where it goes “I don’t care what people say. Rock and roll is here to stay.” Really? They don’t care what people say? Just taken on it’s own this is a very powerful sentiment, Gemini. It’s hard not to care what people say, but Danny and the Juniors cracked it. I think you can too.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained musicologist, or a certified veterinary assistant. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1