HOBOSCOPES

VIRGO

People love to tell me that I’m “entitled to my own opinion.” But somehow I feel like the people who tell me that are the ones who least believe it. If you find that you’re at odds with a friend, Virgo, don’t just tell them what they’re entitled to. Tell them that you care. Tell them that what they think matters. And then tell them why you think about things differently. Don’t avoid the big conversations over a fear of differences.

LIBRA

What’s the difference between a grasshopper and a locust? Well, Libra, they’re essentially the same thing. If you saw a little green locust out there hopping around all alone, you’d think, “hey, look at that happy little grasshopper.” But when those little green locusts get into groups, they begin to change. They get hungrier, and they change color, and they start to swarm. Locust swarms can be immensely destructive to crops, homes, and even livestock. So don’t ignore those little grasshoppers in your life, Libra. Before long, you might have a swarm.

SCORPIO

I guess it started innocently enough, Scorpio. You had to water that plant up on top of the bookshelf, so you just turned over a milk crate to stand on. But you weren’t expecting the thrill of being up there so high. You thought that if standing on one milk crate is this exciting, what about two? Now I see you out in the park, trying to climb higher and higher. Stacks of milk crates tumbling to the ground all around you. Maybe you don’t need to climb up so high to feel like life is worthwhile, Scorpio. Have a seat on that crate. Take a book off your shelf. Look up at your plant and remember when things were simpler.

SAGITTARIUS

The house next door is for sale again. Bill’s old house, where he used to sit on the porch all day and keep an eye on the neighborhood. After he died, somebody bought it and remodeled the whole thing. Tore out Bill’s rose bush, built a new porch, and installed security lights. Sometimes, Sagittarius, we miss the way things used to be because we understand them. We’re afraid of what’s coming next because we don’t know what it might be. We can’t stop the future, Sagittarius, and someday it may become the next thing we miss.

CAPRICORN

What were you doing a year ago today? Was it like today or was it very different? How did you feel? It’s hard to remember, Capricorn. And a year from today, it will be hard to remember this. If you can’t remember the past and if you won’t remember this in the future, than why are you so worried about the past and the future? Try this instead, what are you doing right now? How do you feel?

AQUARIUS

Last night I dreamt that you and I were going to trade jobs. You would be an amateur astrologer and I would do...whatever the thing you do is. In my dream, I thought it was a huge relief because I could learn a new skill and I thought you would do a great job making astrological assessments and predictions with no formal training. Sometimes, Aquarius, we just need a change. It doesn’t have to be a big one, but give yourself a chance to try the thing you’ve always wanted to.

PISCES

My wifi router keeps giving me a “trouble connecting” error on the first try, but if I give it a minute and click on the icon again, I can usually get through. I know you’re not here to give me tech support, Pisces, I just thought you might relate to having a little trouble connecting on the first try. I just wanted to encourage you to stick with it. I know, it can be frustrating not to be instantly understood but once you get through, it will be worth it.

ARIES

The English Romantic poet John Keats died of tuberculosis in 1821. He was only 25. Keats’ poetry was not well known during his lifetime. On his deathbed, he asked that his tombstone read only “Here lies one whose name was written in water.” Of course, Keats’ work is now taught in schools and printed in countless textbooks. But still, Aries, how long will that fame last? There was a time before the English language and there will be a time after it. Perhaps all our names are written in water. I think, Aries, that if we live as though we will be forgotten, we’ll live better for today.

TAURUS

There’s a pepper shaker on every table in this diner. It’s strange to think that only a few hundred years ago, black pepper was busy transforming the world. During Europe’s Middle Ages, pepper was only for the rich and they couldn’t get enough. Europe’s desire for pepper fueled the expansion of trade with Asia and the search for better trade routes. There were sea voyages and wars and military takeovers and now there’s a pepper shaker on every table in this diner. Now that you’ve got the thing you wanted, Taurus, what are you going to do with it?

GEMINI

They say you should dress for the job you want, Gemini. So, even though it’s hot outside, and even though the leaves are still on the trees, I still think it’s a good day to put out your Halloween decorations. And if you’re really ready for the next season to begin, you can start wearing your skeleton pajamas and carrying around a pumpkin-shaped candy bucket. Whenever you’re ready for a change, I think you’ll find the change is ready for you.

CANCER

I finally got a cast iron skillet, Cancer, but I’m afraid to use it. The guy who sold it to me told me that if I ever get it wet, it may trigger events that will culminate in the end of the world. So I’m just leaving it on the kitchen counter, covered in plastic wrap to make sure nothing splashes on it. Sometimes, Cancer, we try so hard not to do something bad, that it stops us from ever doing anything good. Maybe we should both unwrap our skillets today and cook up something great.

LEO

I had a friend who used to tell me, “Hold your death ever before your eyes.” I figured he was just trying to be mysterious and depressing. But I’ve thought about it some more lately, and I think he was talking about a better way to live. Think of it this way, Leo, if you ignore your own mortality, it’s hard to prioritize living the best life that you can. But if you know what’s coming, then you know you need to make today count.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained entomologist, or a licensed life coach. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1