HOBOSCOPES

VIRGO

Today feels like an end of something, Virgo. Do you know what I mean? Like, summer was here and now it’s going away. It’s just ending. Usually fall would come next, but things have been so strange. What if we just pass from summer into...the absence of summer? What if it ends and nothing else begins? But something else always does, Virgo. Still, you don’t have to rush into that new beginning if there are endings you aren’t done with yet.

LIBRA

Some people make decisions in a very systematic way. Lay out all the options. List the pros and cons. Weigh each against another until the answer is clear. Sometimes though, Libra, it’s better to just go with your gut. There’s so much you can’t know about the future and so much that you know that can’t fit on a list. Make the choice you already know is right. Then see what happens.

S C O R P I O

The human body is 60% water, and yet when the tornado sirens go off, I run to my basement and nervously wait for the storm to pass. What does water have to fear from wind, Scorpio? Still, it’s what we do. Even when we can’t specifically say why, we work to keep our mostly-liquid selves intact. We want to remain, both liquid and solid, in the right proportions, in these clusters that we think of as “myself.” Someday we’ll join the earth and the wind and the larger bodies of water. Until then, come up out of your basement and do the things you can only do right now.

SAGITTARIUS

An “extirpation” is a localized extinction. For instance, there are still jaguars in Mexico and South America, but jaguars are largely extirpated from the United States. Occasionally a jaguar is seen in Arizona or New Mexico, but their numbers are so low that they’re statistically zero. Rarer still, is the sighting of a black jaguar which, like it’s cousin the melanistic leopard, is referred to as a “panther.” These are beautiful, rare, and precious lives, Sagittarius. If you get to see one be grateful. And be grateful for your own.

CAPRICORN

My social media app is trying to help me out by showing me “people you may know.” Usually it’s just a list of “people I’m convinced don’t remember me” or “people I’ve met a bunch of times but have never really connected with.” It reminds me, Capricorn, of all the people I actually know. I scroll the list of people I may know instead of reaching out to somebody I’m already connected to–somebody who I could act in a caring way toward right now.

AQUARIUS

Does history really repeat itself, Aquarius? Has all of this happened before? Will all of this happen again? I’m starting to think there is no such thing as unprecedented times. There’s just the times we happen to be in at the moment. So all we can really do, Aquarius, is stop standing around with our mouths hanging open and start doing what we can with the time we’ve been given.

PISCES

We all love a good story about time travel, Pisces. But it’s challenging to make one that makes sense. Because, even if you built a time machine and went back and fixed all your problems in the past, would a person without problems go on to build a time machine? Seems unlikely. We learn from our past. We change our future. Don’t get stuck on the first part.

ARIES

So what do we do with all this anger, Aries? I’ve got it. You’ve got it, too. Sure we can ignore it, but that just leads to repression. Or we can lash out with it, but that just leads to aggression. Thich Nhat Hanh says we should learn to hold it, not with restraint, but like one holds a baby. Turn toward your anger. Care for it. Find out what it wants. Look it in the face with love. Give it affection and attention. It has something to give you, too.

TAURUS

Every language has some way of talking about the future, Taurus. In English, when we talk about the future, we say “will.” For instance “Yesterday, I ate a hot fudge sundae. Tomorrow I *will* have a salad.” But it’s like we’re admitting that we don’t really know. I want to have a salad. That is my “will.” But who knows? I mean, there’s still half a tub of ice cream in the freezer and it’s not going to eat itself. (“going to” is another phrase we use when we talk about the future.) This week, Taurus, let your will be known, but also try to accept that the future won’t be known until we get there.

GEMINI

There can be a wisdom to tradition, Gemini. The people that came before us knew some things. Of course they did. They passed it on. You learned it. And you may have heard that the best way to honor those that came before is to do things the same way they did them. I don’t think that’s how it works. You get to take the stuff they learned and add it to the stuff you learned. Then you can act in a way that honors all that knowledge together. And it might not look much like tradition.

CANCER

A good record is an experience, Cancer. Like Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.” The first two tracks are like a “hello.” They welcome you to the album and let you know what to expect. Then you have the meat of the record; songs that deal with death and time and greed and mind. And then a big finish and a grand farewell. It’s perfect! But sometimes, Cancer, sometimes perfection is exhausting. Look, if you just want to listen to “Savage” 11 times and call it a day, I think that’s totally valid.

LEO

I heard they put a computer chip in a pig’s brain so they could record it’s experiences. I think they’ll learn a lot. Pigs sleep about 7 hours every night and then 2-4 hours during the day. When they’re awake they look for food and when they find food they eat it. This is starting to sound a little too familiar, Leo. I mean, I don’t have a chip in my brain yet, but when I get one I hope my daily activities are a little more interesting than they’ve been lately. You might want to polish up your routines a little bit too, Leo. Even if it’s just for science.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained panda , or a registered loan officer. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1