Vendor Writing

The Losing of a Brother

BY WILLIAM B., CONTRIBUTOR VENDOR

We grew apart when I was real young. He wasn’t born when I was in Cloverbottom Hospital. Well, he was born, but he was young. We didn’t know each other well because when my other brother got murdered, my mind went completely blank and I had a nervous breakdown.

So I had to get to know my brother all over again. He’s my baby brother and he had a twin who died at birth. Over the years, since I was locked away so much of my lifetime, we grew apart several times. But I got to know him in the last ten years real well.

He is extremely intelligent but he started drinking as a kid and drugging real young too. It’s caused him to have cancer of the lungs. He had radiation, but the radiation didn’t take, so he’s in Stage 4. I’m gonna miss him.

My mother had 12 kids. There are only 2 brothers I really have a hard time with and he’s one of them because of his drinking. I lost my place to live with my mom because my oldest brother and my baby brother were both heavy drinkers and they were both smokers. I didn’t lose my oldest brother because of alcohol, I lost him by having a heart attack.

There have been a lot of tragedies in my life, but I’m ready for the Lord when he comes after me. I’m a Christian and I try to live a Christian life. I still curse, don’t get me wrong, because sometimes I get mad, but I don’t lose my temper, I just curse. I try my best not to use the Lord’s name in vain. My church, Ethos, is a beautiful loving church family. They love me and I love them. I want people to know Ethos.

My brother says he knows the Lord, but I don’t know if he does. I’m hoping he does. My baby sister don’t want me there at his funeral, but he told her that he does want me there. She could still stop me from coming after he’s gone and that’s gonna hurt me bad.

I still talk to my baby brother on the phone now. He lives in Gallatin in a group home. Hopefully he won’t have to go to one of those rehabs where they put you on drugs for the pain because I’ve seen a lot of people have to go like that. Me, I don’t want to go like that. I want to go either at church, selling my papers, playing my music, or in my room. I want to go mostly by being in church.

The Contributor has meant so much to me and I tried to get my brother to do it, but he said he couldn’t because he’d want to drink on the job and you can’t do that as a vendor. I have to agree with him on that. You can’t drink on the job. He’s been saving his money and is going to be cremated he said and have enough money to take care of it.

If it wasn’t for my son being back in my life, I probably wouldn’t be alive today because I wouldn’t have much to live for except for doing what I’m doing loving playing music and selling The Contributor being my own boss. Being a vendor means a lot to me and having a place to lay my head at Room In The Inn means the world to me. They have saved my life. They say they haven’t but I say, “Yes you did. You took me in. You helped me stay off of drugs. Yeah, you saved my life.”

I’m coming up in 19 years clean on the 20th of this month. I have tremendous will power once I make my mind up. With The Contributor in my life it’s given me tremendous power to save money. I just about broke myself of going into a store and a pawn shop and buying stuff. I can now go into a pawn shop and not buy something. I’ve done that a few times lately and I’m proud of myself. Because it’s an addiction. I’ve made myself say, “Well, William, you don’t need that! Put your money back in your pocket and roll your ass out the damn door!” And I did! They will look at me and say, “Ain’t you buying something?” And I’ll say, “No!”

I’m going to miss my brother with my whole heart, but I’m going to try and keep in touch with him every day somehow. I’m going to see him next Saturday just for a minute. He just had an operation. His name is Larry Boyd. I’m gonna help pay for a tombstone to be put up. It’ll say, “This is my baby brother who I love and am going to miss.” I know the Lord is forgiving, and he’s gonna have my brother up there because he might need a computer worker and my brother knows how to work them! I’ve gotta say that because he’s good at things like that. He’s gonna be missed. That’s about all I can say.

If you like my story, buy the paper, let The Contributor know and God Bless you.