HOBOSCOPES

SCORPIO

What are you going to be, Scorpio? It’s a question we usually just ask kids. There’s the perennial “What are you going to be when you grow up?” and the annual “What are you going to be for Halloween?” But it’s a question you can ask yourself any time, any day, any age. Give it a try. It’s the perfect season to be something else, Scorpio, and we can be anything.

SAGITTARIUS

The colors still change, Sagittarius. These trees were so full of every shade of green and now they’re all yellows and reds and oranges and browns. And soon those colors will be gone, too. There’s always another season coming, Sagittarius. And if that scares you, remember that there’s another one coming behind that. The last thing never really was the thing that you remember and the next thing will never really be the one you fear.

CAPRICORN

If you follow that trail behind the shed you’ll pass a little crooked stream and then you’ll come to a cave. Yes, the mouth is small, but it’s wide enough that you can crawl. Take your flashlight. You’ll be moving on your knees and forearms for a good while and there’s not really enough room to turn around. When you finally get to the spot where you can stand up, take a minute catch your breath and get your bearings. Now you’re ready for the long walk to the center of things. Going deep can be scary, Capricorn, but you’ve got to do it sometime and I’d recommend starting tonight.

AQUARIUS

Why did they make so many zombie movies, Aquarius? I mean, sure, make that one with the slow zombies and the house full of strangers who have to try to work out their differences to save each other and themselves. But how many more do we need? I guess we keep telling ourselves this story because we’re still so afraid of each other. We’re afraid the other side is gonna crash through that window and eat our brains. But I’d like to suggest that nobody on the other side of that wall is a zombie. That everybody is already in this house together. And that we’ve got to start working out our differences to save each other and ourselves. shared moments lately, Cancer. But we need them. Don’t forget to let us know what you’re experiencing.

PISCES

Maybe if I can just make it to two weeks from now everything will be better, right? Like, if I can just hang on for a little while longer everything will settle down and I can stop worrying so much and stop checking the news. I can start the projects I’ve been dreaming on and get a better routine and maybe read a book. It always seems like that new life is just a couple of weeks away. But I’m afraid it always will be, Pisces. I think we’ve got to get going on it now. Try that and check back in with me in two weeks.

ARIES

Have you been on the internet lately, Aries? It’s wild out there these days. Like, just this morning I accidentally that we’ve missed you and we really regretted that we never caught up. If things are still hard, or if they got

got in an all-caps yelling match with my highschool youth minister over a meme that I posted that contradicted the meme that he posted. I think we were arguing about personal responsibility or maybe the concept of “privilege” or possibly the plot of Back to the Future. I’m really not even sure anymore. But it reminds me that these are tender days. Everybody is just one meme away from a breakdown. So maybe take a step back and try honesty and vulnerability instead. It’s scarier, but I think it could help.

TAURUS

When I was a kid, wearing a mask in the last week of October was a privibecoming. Because I think you may be closer than you think. Count your legs again. You may be there already.

lege. They were rubbery and smelled funny and the eye-holes never lined up with my eyes, but it was worth it. These days we think of wearing a mask more as a responsibility. They’re not as fun, but they smell better and you don’t have to worry about eye-holes. It’s funny how things change, Taurus. But we can’t live in the past. We do the best we know and we hope for a more rubbery future.

GEMINI

wings that perfectly mimicked the dry, yellowing leaves falling from these hickory trees. There were even little dark spots and tattered edges just like the two leaves it perched between. Sometimes when you need to stay safe from the birds that want to eat you, you have to completely blend in. I get that. And I know that’s worked for you in the past, Gemini, but those birds are long gone. This might be a good week to drop the camouflage.

CANCER

I’ve been watching a lot of movies at home lately, Cancer. I pop some popcorn and put on my warm socks and maybe make some hot chocolate and then roll those opening credits. It’s great, but lately I’ve been missing those moments in movie theaters when everybody is tuned-in and we’re all in it together. When we all jump when the axe comes into frame. When we chuckle and the guy who screamed a little too loud. When we all breathe a collective sigh of relief when the hero gets away just in time. It’s hard to have those Even if it’s just boredom or irritation. Keep us updated until we can all breathe that collective sigh of relief.

LEO

I think it was the night of Alex Mcgloughlin’s birthday party. We all met up after some game and Annie had built a fire in the backyard with smores and a sincere attempt at a campfire singalong. You said you weren’t feeling up to much and had to be up early and then I dropped my phone and the screen cracked and Rob said he knew a guy who fixes them for cheap but by the time I looked around again you were already gone. The Stars indicate better, it’d be great to talk sometime. Maybe soon?

VIRGO

When nature gets bored, it makes a crab. Nature is always trying to make a crab. Carcinologists have found evidence of at least five different times that simple crustaceans have, over millennia, independently evolved into 10-legged crab-shaped creatures. What’s the thing you’re always trying to evolve into, Virgo? That ideal form that you’re always just a few thousand adaptations away from This morning I saw a moth who had

LIBRA

It’s good to check the weather before you go out for the day. Do you need a sweater? A raincoat? Is it a good day for layering or just an easy T-shirt. But sometimes we don’t know what’s coming, Libra. It’s hard to get ready when you don’t know what’s next. But you have to go out there anyway. And if you find out you weren’t prepared for the way the world turned out, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Mr. Mysterio is not a licensed astrologer, a trained statistician, or a registered crab. Mr. Mysterio is, however, a budding intermediate podcaster! Check out The Mr. Mysterio Podcast. Season 2 is now playing at mrmysterio.com. Got a question, just give Mr. M a call at 707-VHS-TAN1