Is eye contact overrated?

Jack Griffiths neurodivergence

All right, I’m looking into his eyes. Good. Now he knows I’m paying attention … Wait, it’s been 10 seconds. What if he thinks I’m staring at him? Maybe I should just look at something else for a split second so I don’t stare. Good! There’s a tree over there. Let’s look at the tree. Hold on, my glasses are also a bit smudgy. I would wipe them, but I don’t have a cloth with me. Gosh, my eyes feel a bit dry too. Better rub them soon. Shoot! I need to re-establish eye contact ASAP. There we go, eyes are aligned, once again. Ready to re-engage in this conversation.

Wait, what was he talking about again?

As an autist, I personally believe that direct eye contact is overrated. sure, I agree that you generally shouldn’t look away from your friend as you chat about classes in between bites of gnocchi and sweet potato. but as a kid, I heard so many people tell me that looking people directly in the eyes was the key to being a good conversationalist, as if eye contact was a panacea to prevent any awkward moments. something that would successfully hide my insecurities about not being as good at social interactions as the other people around me.

Well, for a while, I tried it. I resisted the urge to move my eyes around whatsoever. during every conversation — with my family members, with my friends, with my teachers, with anyone people introduced me to — I would lock in my eyes. nothing would distract me from scanning and downloading the seeing orbs of everyone I encountered. nothing would stop me from finally being able to have conversations in the “correct” way.

but this didn’t necessarily make conversations easier. In fact, it often made them more uncomfortable and exhausting. When focusing on a person’s eyes, I wouldn’t pay as much attention to what they were saying. It led to several moments where I had to ask people to repeat what they said, even though my unflinching eye contact gave the illusion that I was paying close attention to them. As I grew older, it became evident that focusing on having unflinching eye contact was not the solution I needed to more easily communicate with my neurotypical peers.

Instead, I came to a new conclusion. having awkwardness in conversations is just as inevitable as having a stuffed nose in south bend during the winter months. People make jokes that sounded funnier in their heads than when spoken aloud. People struggle to bring up new points to break anxious, silent lulls in a discussion. And yes, people often find it challenging to figure out exactly what to do with their eyes at any given moment.

While many autistic people — including myself — might relate to these experiences more closely, even neurotypical people can encounter the same struggles. despite our best efforts, none of us are immune to occasional mistakes. but in a way, this understanding comforts me. I know that conversations are inherently imperfect, so I should just try my best and see what works best for me and for those I talk with. In return, I hope that those I talk to have the grace to be patient with me. Instead of fighting the awkwardness, we should embrace it. both me and my peers can more openly and deeply learn about each other’s experiences and aspirations if we shelve away any of our anxieties about being the world’s greatest conversationalists. While perfectionism leads to constant worries and unrealistic social expectations, vulnerability allows us to see each other as we are.

so the next time you chat with a friend, don’t panic when the conversation goes silent for a bit. don’t feel the need to grind your teeth to dust just because you made a movie reference that nobody understood. And finally, don’t worry about maintaining direct eye contact at all times. If I’m talking to you and my eyes don’t always line up with yours, please know that it’s not because I’m not trying to escape the conversation or because I don’t care about what you’re saying. It’s simply because I’m participating in the conversation as myself — and I’m not perfect, and that’s perfectly fine.

Jack Griffiths is a senior at Notre Dame majoring in English with a supplementary major in global affairs. His areas of interest include neurodivergence, migration and the intersections between faith and public policy. When he’s not writing, you can find him singing with the Liturgical Choir, walking around the lakes or playing Super Smash Bros with folks in his dorm. He can be reached at jgriff22@nd.edu.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.

By GABRIEL ZARAZUA scene Writer

d epression is a difficult topic to discuss. There are different levels to it. What may seem severe depression to one person may be just general sadness to another. h owever, with all of us being in college, I feel we have all had those waves of sadness at one point in our lives. Where we want to be optimistic, outgoing and the life of the party, but we lack the reasoning to do so. Which sucks, I mean, who wants to be sad all the time? It’s not something one can simply control, and when not handled correctly, will slowly consume you. This is what Trey Parker and m att s tone portray in s eason 15, episodes seven to eight of “ s outh Park.” e verything lacks what gave him joy. m usic sucks, food tastes awful and it annoys s tan to the point of anger, whicch eventually leads him to complain and lash out at those around him. h e gets this negative view of the world and doesn’t know how to change it. It doesn’t get any better when his parents divorce in the series, and he has to deal with the fallout at the age of ten. h e shuts himself out. e verything around him is just white noise. You can tell that it has gotten far worse from just seeing the world in a negative way. h e just doesn’t see the point of anything. h e may get out of bed and go to school, but you can see… he’s just not there mentally anymore.

“ s outh Park,” portraying depression? That sounds like a recipe for disaster and backlash as soon as the episode airs. s urprisingly enough, the creators do a good job of displaying depression in one of the main characters, s tan m arsh. s tan has just celebrated his tenth birthday and realizes how much older he has gotten. s uddenly, everything around him is just not the same.

What makes this more heartbreaking is that no one seems to be meeting s tan halfway. Yes, it is not fair that he is suddenly lashing out at his loved ones and being rude all the time, but those who care for him don’t want to talk about it, instead giving him advice with an air of toxic positivity (or else no one will want to be around him). What is the point of faking happiness instead of talking about how you truly feel? The deepest line in the whole episode is when s tan tells his school counselor: “When all the things that made you laugh, just make you sick. h ow do you go on when nothing makes you happy?”

While there is a lot more to the story in these two episodes I will skip ahead just a bit. s tan eventually gets manipulated to drink alcohol to feel better, and while they use this bit for some laughs, they also show how he is truly acting in a drunken state. While later on in the end he learns his lesson, the show takes one last dark twist, when s tan comes to terms with moving forward, his parents remarrying and going back to the toxic home that devoured him. h e relapses. In the very last scene, his friends come over to take him to the movies, but before he leaves, he opens his drawer, takes out his alcohol bottle and takes a shot. It is never brought up again in the show, but the viewers have known since 2011, that s tan is still depressed, never got help and still drinks to this day.

While mainstream shows try to glorify depression, s outh Park portrays the most realistic approach in a raw and heartbreaking way.

Contact Gabriel at gzarazua@nd.edu

By ROSE ANDROWICH scene Writer

“ r omeo and Juliet” has spawned a variety of cultural responses to the act of literature. The inspiration derived from “ r omeo and Juliet” takes note of how s hakespeare wrote the play. The principal source for the plot was a narrative poem by the e nglish poet Arthur b rooke. b rooke’s poem is based on a French translation of a tale written by the Italian m atteo b andello. From Taylor s wift’s “Love s tory” to “Gnomeo and Juliet” and “Letters to Juliet,” to name a few, the play is a part of popular culture due to the numerous retellings and adaptations.

The “Actors From the London s tage” have their unique approach to s hakespeare and to how they act out their plays. They used the five actor approach which is inspired by how plays were performed in s hakespeare’s time. r oles were often played by multiple actors, and the approach was effective for “ r omeo and Juliet.”

The actors showed a commitment to mastering multiple parts. h illary m aclean played the role of Juliet’s nurse and Paris exceptionally well. The contrast between the two roles proved to be fascinating to see unfold. The approach was done with humor which furthered the enjoyment of the play. Jonathan o ldfield who played Friar Lawrence, Lady c apulet, Tybalt, Peter and m ontague leaned into humor heavily in his portrayal The character of Peter, the c apulet’s servant, proved to be one of the funniest characters. o ldfield leaned into the defining props for Peter and used them to make a statement. The work of the actors made the 5 actor approach highly effective.

A highlight of the performance was Grace Andrew’s stunning delivery of Juliet’s monologue:

“Tis but thy name that is my enemy:

Thou art thyself, though not a m ontague.

What’s m ontague? It is nor hand nor foot n or arm nor face nor any other part b elonging to a man. o be some other name.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose…”

Andrew’s delivery of the monologue showed the commitment of the actors to collaborate with s hakespeare. Andrew is one example of the understanding the actors possess of s hakespeare’s character. r omeo (Thomas Wingfield) approached r omeo’s character as a love-sick teen of sorts. Portraying r omeo in this way sends a powerful message; it uses the play as a cautionary tale rather than a standard for relationships.

Juliet is similarly depicted to r omeo, particularly in the scene where she questions her nurse about r omeo.

The quality of these scenes was a contrast to other scenes that were a missed opportunity. The scenes could have been acted out or taken in a different approach. An example of this is the miscommunication between r omeo and Juliet. The play by some is characterized by the circumstances that led to the tragedy. It’s a matter of miscommunication and r omeo not receiving a message from Juliet. The approach the actors took served well but the miscommunication could have been leaned into more. Additionally, the rivalry proved to be somewhat confusing when examining the different roles. s ome choices made in the casting could have led to some confusion during the quarrel scenes. The approach to the fight scenes was very creative though. They used red scarves as weapons but also as roses that lined the stage. s omething else that was enjoyable to see was Juliet’s limited costume changes throughout the play. When she married r omeo she was wearing a veil and when she was set to marry Paris she wore a white lace skirt. I love the choice to add costumes of sorts for Juliet. The production showcased a deep understanding and appreciation of s hakespeare’s play.

Contact Rose at randrowich01@saintmarys.edu

By GENEVIEVE COLEMAN Assistant managing editor

As many of my friends know, I have successfully made student teaching my entire personality. e ven though I am perpetually exhausted from what I do, my experience being in the classroom every day has been amazing.

Growing up, I learned what it meant to be an educator from watching my mom be an amazing kindergarten teacher. n ow, creator, executive producer, writer and star Quinta b runson has shown the world a glimpse into the lives of hard-working public school teachers in “Abbott e lementary.” Inspired by the life of her own mother, b runson highlights the many joys and struggles of being a teacher, cracking smiles and warming hearts the whole way.

From the first trailer I saw of the show back in 2021, I knew I had fallen in love with Abbott, even if it never entered into the mainstream. To this day, I have never been disappointed — or more wrong about how people would take the show. “Abbott” immediately received rave reviews and continues to sweep every award show.

The plot follows Pittsburgh elementary school teachers Janine Teagues ( b runson), Gregory e ddie (Tyler James Williams), m elissa s chemmenti (Lisa Ann Walter), b arbara h oward ( s heryl Lee r alph), Jacob h ill ( c hris Perfetti), their principal Ava c oleman (Janelle James) and the school custodian m r. Johnson (William s tanford d avis). e ach week, this ensemble cast returns to school, taking on issues in education while caring for their students. Filmed in a mockumentary style, “Abbott” gives an honest assessment of being a new teacher, teaching underserved students and being a young professional.

“Abbott” is incredibly successful at all its relationship building between characters. m elissa and b arbara have a teacher-friend relationship I envy and only hope to achieve by the time I’m a veteran teacher. o n the flip side, Janine, Gregory and Jacob navigate the politics of being young teachers, relying on each other and their older mentors to successfully teach their students. Principal c oleman adds another layer of chaos by being an underqualified and unprofessional, yet truly caring supervisor. m r. Johnson fills any hole by appearing at the best moments and being an excellent member of the school’s supporting staff.

While the writing of the show is hilarious and the cast has the best chemistry I’ve seen in years, there are so many touching moments for viewers to enjoy. o ne that immediately comes to mind is when m elissa sits down with a student struggling with reading and tells her own story as a young student who couldn’t keep up as a reader. Walter encouraging this student to persevere through her challenges brings me to tears every time I watch the episode.

In season two, viewers become aware of charter schools attempting to take control of the neighborhood, including Abbott itself. b runson and her team of writers deftly addresses the issues charter schools create, especially the immediate impact if Abbott was converted into one. Unafraid to highlight topics not well understood outside the educational community, “Abbott” subtly informs the viewer of problems in real-world teaching.

“Abbott e lementary” has become my comfort show and makes me feel seen as a young educator. It is the only show I know of that gives a realistic depiction of teaching in a public school and building quality relationships with students. The cast is brilliant at portraying real-life teachers and issues in the educational community. c arrying forward in its second season with a huge following and popular fan pages to match, I’m confident “Abbott” will be the show that lifts me up when I’m making my own way in education.

Contact Gen at gcoleman01@saintmarys.edu

“Abbott Elementary”

Favorite episodes: “Teacher Conference,” “Juice,” “Reada-thon”

If you like: “The Office,” “Parks and Recreation”

Where to watch: Hulu

By MANNION McGINLEY

Assistant managing editor

“ b luebird d ays” are days where the sky couldn’t be bluer, couldn’t be any more cloudless and the sun couldn’t be brighter. It’s a phrase most often recognized by skiers but has broadened to be used generally by people who enjoy being outside. These bluebird days usually come after a night of hard rain or, according to the skiing definition, a night of powdery snowfall.

For Jordan d avis, “ b luebird d ays” have come to mean as much about emotional clarity as they do about physical freedom. From love to loss and life in between, there isn’t one mood that encompasses the album. Instead, the 17-track LP makes a case for accepting and embracing whatever comes when it shows up — much like a bluebird day in a grey winter. Track one, “ d amn Good Time,” is a spirited, fast-paced song that brings you to the weekend. o nce there, you can crack a beer with d avis and take a breath. If you’re so inclined, you can “go from taking it easy to partyin’ hard,” but the track stays relaxed the whole way through, forcing no more than you’re ready to take on as you enter the introspective world d avis created.

The project is nothing if not reflective. e very song deals with such small moments, but d avis unpacks them like they last for days.

The emotional availability of the album continues with “ m oney Isn’t r eal.” Again, the Louisiana native sets up a calm track that helps you remember what matters in life. d avis highlights the importance of embracing the little things again towards the end of the album, talking to his late grandfather from the “Fishing s pot” they went to together.

The clarity resurfaces in “ n ext Thing You Know,” the third single off the album. “ b uy d irt” and “What m y World s pins Around” rocketed d avis to n o. 1 on b illboard’s c ountry Airplay, and for good reason. “ n ext Thing You Know” did the same while telling the story of a couple who found love and let it take the reins. The song has no chorus, but d avis has the chance to follow life after “next thing you know,” so the song jumps through milestones as fast as we feel we experience them.

d avis turns inward on some of the tracks as well. “ s unday s aints” is a thoughtful piece of work that finds d avis grappling with his humanity in light of his faith. The country singer sits deliberating throughout the song with a b ible in one hand and a bottle in the other. “ s hort Fuse” also lets d avis look inward at his most stubborn emotion — anger. h e reflects on his history, including his parentless childhood in the title track. There, “ b luebird d ays” end and are just fleeting bright spots in a world full of messy weather. d avis also unpacks the highlights and difficulties in love and this is where his vocals shine even brighter. The ode to his love, “What m y World s pins Around,” and its much sexier counterpart “ n o Time s oon,” let him vocally explore with ease.

The breakup songs seem to center around exes that can’t shake each other, and they more deeply lend themselves to d avis’s vocal prowess. d avis and d anielle b radbery put on two stunning vocal performances in a breathtaking ballad about these exes, titled “ m idnight c risis.” The same characters resurface in “You’ve Got m y n umber.” h ere, d avis plays the double meaning: s he knows him too well to let him go, and because of that, she also quite literally has his number.

Read the remainder of the story at ndsmcobserver.com happy Birthday: Zigzag your way to victory. Be prepared to act, make changes and do things your way. your fate rides on your ability to reach your target on time. you’ll have to spread yourself thin to accommodate what’s going on in your personal and professional life. Don’t mix business with pleasure or neglect one for the other. Balance and completion are the keys to your success. your numbers are 7, 13, 24, 29, 32, 37, 44. gEMINI (May 21-June 20): Distance yourself from anyone trying to persuade you. Put your money, time and effort into personal gain, self-improvement, and being and doing the best you can. keep any changes you make a secret until you are ready to present. lEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Don’t let what others do confuse you or make you feel that you must follow their lead. romantic opportunities are apparent but may interfere with prior obligations. rethink your situation and legal concerns before taking a risk that can jeopardize your reputation or position. vIrgO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Ignoring situations you must address will worsen matters. Step up, say what’s on your mind and implement whatever change is necessary to avoid discord and promote the things you enjoy doing most. Pick up information and skills that offer personal growth. lIBrA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): get into the swing of things and look for opportunities to expand your circle of friends. Taking a day trip, visiting a friend or relative, or learning something that will contribute to your physical well-being or encourage professional gain is within reach.

ArIES (March 21-April 19): Slow down, figure out the best way to maintain what you have worked so hard to achieve and don’t let anyone come between you and your goal. having tunnel vision and targeting your skills to get things done on time will pay off.

TAuruS (April 20-May 20): use your experience and know-how to gain insight into bringing about positive change for yourself, someone you love or a cause that concerns you. Call on people who are charitable and have the aptitude required to help.

CANCEr (June 21-July 22): Take the initiative to rearrange your space to suit your needs. having a designated area to explore possibilities will lead to a window of opportunity. A joint venture will tempt you, but first, do your due diligence and consider working alone.

SCOrPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Put your best foot forward and show everyone what you offer. Don’t give in to someone trying to monopolize your time or spend your money. Say no to bad behavior and poor influences. Concentrate on what brings you joy.

SAgITTArIuS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Stick close to home and the people you love. refuse to let an outsider influence your beliefs or tempt you with something that may not be valid. Trust and invest in yourself, not someone trying to talk you out of your cash. CAPrICOrN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): find an outlet for your energy, talent and skills, and you’ll find happiness and bring in additional cash. A domestic change will lower your overhead, add to your comfort and ease stress. Curb costly habits; keep your money in your pocket.

AQuArIuS (Jan. 20-feb. 18): Adjust to your surroundings and situations and prepare to make concessions that will help others feel at ease regarding prospects. Don’t give up on love or someone you no longer see. reach out, reconnect and discuss your intentions and feelings.

PISCES (feb. 19-March 20): Nothing appears stable, but that can work in your favor if you sidestep controversy and work behind the scenes to get things done on time. Showing confidence will result in support and hands-on help. A partnership will undergo scrutiny.

Birthday Baby: you are adventuresome, innovative and charitable. you are imaginative and social.