My semester of shame and embarrassment

sunglasses back.

I remember reading my poems at d omestock and feeling that I really truly belonged.

I remember almost missing my flight back to s outh b end at the end of Winter b reak. I was still in line for T s A 10 minutes before the plane took off, and by the grace of God, I made it (I really shouldn’t have made it).

I remember that plane ride back to campus — I usually feel so cool traveling, but that day, I was just hungry and sad. s o when we landed, I immediately booked it to the c hicago o’ h are Airport bathroom so I could power-cry for like 30 minutes. Then I wiped my tears, bought a sandwich from hudson news and met Andrea at the b us s huttle s tation. We giggled the whole way home.

I remember that first night back when I got rejected from a much-coveted s outh b end establishment, which was pretty embarrassing but also kind of needed. b ecause truly, I promise, I had more fun running around e ast Wayne s treet with my friends blasting “d ecember 1963 ( o h What a n ight)” by Frankie valli & The Four s easons than I would’ve in that muchcoveted s outh b end establishment (or at least that’s what I tell myself).

I remember some ex-Zahm boys teaching me silly dance moves in Gabe, e J and r ick’s kitchen.

I remember sitting in LaFun for hours, until 1:59 a.m., which is (allegedly) my cue to leave … If I had it my way, I would simply live there.

I remember crying in the snow for a while until my tears literally froze onto my eyelashes like icicles (which was, like, super poetic, but totally unnecessary for a Thursday night during sylly week).

I remember tons of Frank o’ h ara poems and annotating them to oblivion.

I remember drinking some really good tea in the s orin A r’s room.

I remember seeing one of my friends for the first time since last spring and knowing things had changed and being sad about it.

I remember walking to holy c ross in the middle of the night with e mily, then running five miles with Abby the next morning, then showering, then walking 6 miles with Aedan, then catching the sunset, then munching on peanut butter pretzels. I didn’t do any homework that day, and I don’t regret a thing.

I remember Glee house. I love Glee house.

I remember bumping into my ex-situationship and talking to him for five minutes at a formal, which was weird and awkward and I don’t want him back.

I remember throwing up. It was amazing.

I remember taking a bite out of a piece of bread at natio’s and trying to convince my friends it looked like the state of v irginia. It did indeed look like the state of v irginia.

I remember chubby squirrels and all my friends wanting to pet them.

I remember going to that estate sale in e lkhart and buying a framed picture of James d ean (I still wish I bought the matching James d ean purse, but it is what it is).

I remember meeting Grace c linton’s dogs.

I remember that particularly feral night in b reenPhillips h all when I bowed down to helen in the hallway, while my d r. Praeger’s b roccoli-cheddar animal bites were being microwaved.

I remember sharing a vegetarian enchilada with c lare at monts (and it slapped). Then I went back to m adeleine and Aoife’s room to watch o uter b anks season three (which totally didn’t slap, but we got some laughs out of it).

I remember sprawling out on the quad last week when it was hot and sunny and now it’s, well, not.

I remember stealing a townie’s sunglasses last weekend. I removed them from his face and said “mine,” with a winning smile, which I’m pretty sure he found endearing because he didn’t try to get his

I remember the one lacrosse game I went to when it was super rainy and windy and cold, and we were playing U vA, and I really wanted us to win (we didn’t win).

I remember dining hall naan bread and lots of tahini hummus.

I remember knocking on the door to Keenan for 15 minutes straight with m atthew because we just wanted to go to Za Land … that bad.

I remember listening to nothing but “c hicago” by s ufjan s tevens for days on end.

I remember the sunset outside of o ’s hag on the last day of January when the snow was covering the ground, and the sky was so bright (so blue, so orange, so yellow).

I remember dancing to “ s quid Game & d o It To It” Zedd e dit after e aster mass with Katie because the Lord had risen, which also meant it was time to party (and by party, I mean dance to “ s quid Game & d o it To It” 17 times in one day).

I remember telling a boy who cut me in line that “cutting is a very unattractive quality.”

I remember Finn’s birthday cake.

I remember the drive to v iz’s older sister’s wedding.

I remember running that 5k and then celebrating s t. Paddy’s d ay.

I remember the time I woke up at two in the afternoon and missed my favorite class.

I remember eating r ohr’s and eating chocolate cake.

I remember my mom falling out of my lofted bed during mom’s weekend.

I remember being pissed when I saw the first s tarship r obot on campus.

I remember mariachi bands performing in d uncan s tudent c enter during valentine’s week to serenade cute couples (which notre d ame is absolutely positively crawling with, by the way).

I remember eating a fantastic s iggies dinner with my holy c ross friends.

I remember pulling an all-nighter in the architecture building, even though I’m not an architecture major.

I remember seeing d addy J in the flesh for the first time, while I was laying out on Katie’s pink-and-white striped towel.

I remember helping my favorite loose acquaintance from morrissey m anor get a fishing line out of a tree (and ultimately being unsuccessful).

I remember the tornado warning in s tepan c enter and my friend telling me to stand next to him, so that if we die “they find our bodies next to each other.”

I remember crying over a boy and then going to the Grotto and the Grotto making it all better.

I remember lighting candles for people I was mad at and for people I love and for future versions of myself like the version that’s going to finish this semester in two weeks, go home for the summer and then go to r ome and maybe not see a lot of people for over a year. That’s scary.

I remember never ever wanting to leave notre d ame, Indiana, but knowing I’m going to have to at some point because I need to grow.

I remember knowing in my soul that this wasn’t my semester of shame and embarrassment because really, truly, all my losses were secretly wins. e very failure, every rejection (from a much-coveted s outh b end establishment or otherwise) was a blessing, I swear, and I’m so so glad you’re reading this right now.

Kate Casper (aka, Casper, Underdog or Jasmine) is from Northern Virginia, currently residing in Breen-Phillips Hall. She strives to be the best waste of your time. You can contact her at kcasper@nd.edu.

The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.