The Carillon - Volume 65, Issue 24 - April 20, 2023

the carillon

the staff editor-in-chief holly funk editor@carillonregina.com

business manager thomas czinkota business@carillonregina.com

production manager shae sackman production@carillonregina.com

advertising manager holden norrie ads@carillonregina.com communications mehrnoush bahramimehr comms@carillonregina.com

web manager jaedyn whittal web@carillonregina.com

multimedia/graphics editors multimedia@carillonregina.com safal gangwani graphics@carillonregina.com lee lim copy editor aurel dumont copyeditor@carillonregina.com

news editor gillian massie news@carillonregina.com

a&c editor wren gessner arts@carillonregina.com

s&h editor vacant sports@carillonregina.com

op-ed editor hammad ali op-ed@carillonregina.com

distribution manager sun sidhu distribution@carillonregina.com

staff writer amina salah

staff writer victoria baht

staff writer nazeemah noorally news writer josh king a&c writer will bright s&h writer sophia stevens contributors jose alcantara, makayla sicat, tejas, & special ♥ to mace!

vol. 65

board of directors holly funk, thomas czinkota, will bright, hammad ali, shae sackman, and amina salah

the paper

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The Carillon welcomes contributions.

Opinions expressed in the pages of the Carillon are entirely those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of the Carillon Newspaper Inc. Opinions expressed in advertisements appearing in the Carillon are those of the advertisers, and not necessarily of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. or its staff.

The Carillon is published no less than 11 times each semester during the fall and winter semesters and periodically throughout the summer. The Carillon is published by the Carillon Newspaper Inc., a non-profit organization.

land acknowledgement

The Carillon is written on Treaty 4 territory. As such, staff recognize that we are living, working, and telling stories on and of Indigenous lands. We recognize that we are on the traditional homelands of the Cree, Saulteaux, Nakota, Lakota, and Dakota peoples, along with the homeland of the Métis nation. The Carillon understands that it is pointless to acknowledge the land on which we work without demonstrating our commitment to telling stories and prioritizing voices that further the return of this land to its sacred place.

the manifesto

In keeping with our reckless, devil-may-care image, our office has absolutely no concrete information on the Carillon’s formative years readily available. What follows is the story that’s been passed down from editor to editor for over sixty years.

In the late 1950s, the University of Regina planned the construction of several new buildings on the campus grounds. One of these proposed buildlings was a beltower on the academic green. If you look out on the academic green today, the first thing you’ll notice is that it has absolutely nothing resembling a belltower.

The University never got a belltower, but what it did get was the Carillon, a newspaper that serves as a symbolic bell tower on campus, a loud and clear voice belonging to each and every student. the people’s friend; the tyrant’s foe

The University of Regina Students’ Newspaper Since 1962 april

20, 2023 | volume 65, issue 24 | carillonregina.com

resources

bad advice

student walkout p. 4

Much like URSU’s AGM in March, their SGM revealed disorganization and a lack of membership confidence as students attending in person staged

R U Accommodated? p. 4

Sophia Stevens reflects on her years accessing course accommodations, noting self-advocacy-induced exhaustion and an overburdened system.

articles for your reading pleasure, this issue we’re also happy to offer sections on student resources, bad advice columns, fashion, creative writing, and satirical conspiracy musings.

We hope you enjoy the works that both staff and contributors put together, and we’ll see you in June for our first issue of volume 66. Illegitimi non carborundum. holly funk editor-in-chief

lim

lim

online dating p. 8

Few students are strangers to online dating; much fewer do it well. This bad advice column digs into hard-won lessons on setting up profiles and making connections.

creative writing conspiracy

Prairiedise 2.0 p. 13

Following up on their coverage from last year, Will Bright has the scoop on this year’s Bachelor in Prairiedise contestants. Who will you be rooting for?

op-ed

born into blame p. 17

Contributor Makayla Sicat writes on her struggles to get a proper mental health diagnosis, noting gender stereotypes as a prime cause of under- and mis-diagnoses.

praise be to Cod p. 18

In this work of satire, Last Thursday Academy - previously a private school - gets government funding to teach in line with Coditarian doctrine, promoting Last Thursdayism.

Trudeau holds town council for questions at the FNUC

gillian massie news editor

From dying Indigenous languages to Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau answered various questions in a town hall meeting at the First Nations University of Canada last Thursday.

Trudeau’s brief visit to Regina concluded with a few hours of questions from an audience of about 100 people. While many were eager to ask the prime minister a question, many students were left with no answers to questions regarding food security and funding at the FNUC.

Ben Redcrow, president of the First Nations University of Canada Students’ Association, has witnessed first-hand how students are struggling to keep up with high food costs. Right now, Redcrow is having difficulty keeping the community fridge in the FNUC hallway stocked. “There’s no reason that we should be playing cat and mouse with issues like food [security],” said Redcrow. He was determined to ask Trudeau how the federal government will continue to help the university when their students are “starving.”

“It’s hard to be a student. It’s a blessing in disguise because we get to make these friendships, but on a personal level it is hard. You have to take care of your rent and your bills. It all becomes too much. Sometimes you need to go out and ask for help but that help isn’t being provided,” said Redcrow.

FNUC is not the only one seeing empty shelves in their fridges. Community fridges across the University of Regina have been emptied by students going head-to-head with high inflation costs.

“It’s more of a struggle than a joking matter. What is there to eat before I go to class? What is there to eat after I go to class? How are we going to take care of

not the federal government was taking serious action to fund the search and protection of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls. Redcrow felt Trudeau did not go into detail of how the federal government planned to help.

“It burdens me, women are the ones that keep our homefire warm. They were the original chiefs before the men,” said Redcrow. He spoke about how he worries for the safety of his niece. While many questions for the afternoon were geared towards provincial jurisdictions like healthcare and education, Redcrow said Trudeau could have given a better answer on MMIWG funding.

Redcrow was pleased that Trudeau stayed over an hour

that would like to do post-secondary education, but they may not even have the option to leave their communities,” said Duesing-Bird.

Indigenous knowledge and teaching are very specific to the

addressed still aren’t being addressed,” said Duesing-Bird.

Duesing-Bird has seen what a successful university with multiple campuses looks like in a recent trip to Brazil, but these kinds of things take a lot of people and a

working with other artists across Canada for a print collective called Echoes of the Land: visioning – revisiting Truth and Reconciliation to shine a light on the 94 Calls to Action in the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada report.

“The government took away so much, but as much as there is intergenerational trauma, there is that intergenerational strengths, and I feel like art is one of them that is empowered by language,” said LaPlante.

LaPlante has committed to creating art around Call to Action 15 “We call upon the federal government to appoint, in consultation with Aboriginal groups, an Aboriginal Languages Commissioner. The commissioner should help promote Aboriginal languages and report on the adequacy of federal funding of Aboriginal-languages initiatives.” Much of LaPlante’s art surrounds spirituality, language, and medicine, and connects themes of identity and reclamation of culture.

LaPlante explained she has a duty to learn languages like Nehiyawewin, Nakawemowin, Michif, and Nakota, but learning these languages did not begin when she was a child. “I didn’t grow up with my language, my grandma feels terrible that she couldn’t pass it down to us being a victim of the Sixties Scoop,” said LaPlante.

culture and land it begins on. The FNUC currently has three campuses across Saskatchewan, the northernmost being the Prince Albert campus. The opportunity to expand campuses across provinces could greatly improve accessibility.

“Most of the time you need to make these Indigenous people move to the cities in order to get their education, you have to make these Indigenous people leave their communities and that is displacing them again,” said

money. Right now, the technology they are using needs an upgrade.

“The technology that we have right now to connect to those other university campuses is really not that great, but what we would like to see is the FNU in all these other provinces,” said Duesing-Bird.

Duesing-Bird said it was their first time at a political town hall, and it was very interesting to see how Trudeau answered questions.

“Pretty much the answers

LaPlante said that much of the language that was taught to her was taught through North Central community schools. She would like to see a greater commitment to preserving these languages before they may be forgotten completely.

Someone in the audience did ask what the government’s commitment to preserving Indigenous languages was, to which Trudeau answered by explaining how they are committed to reconciliation through the Bill C-91, the Indigenous Languages Act. Trudeau added that restoring Indigenous identity by reclaiming culture and

ourselves if we can’t take care of ourselves in the first place ,” said Redcrow.

Redcrow felt that Trudeau did not answer questions with enough urgency as they required.

Vice-Chief Aly Bear of the Federation of Sovereign Indigenous Nations questioned whether or

to answer the public’s questions but wished there he did not “run around the answers.”

Juleah Duesing-Bird, a biology major in their third year, hoped to ask why funding had not been increased in 15 years at the FNUC.

“There are so many people

Duesing-Bird. More funding allocated to the FNUC would show a commitment to improving Indigenous post-secondary education and making it more sustainable and accessible for more generations.

“It’s just these barriers that we were told are going to be

were ‘they are working on it,’ ‘things take time,’ and ‘it’s going to happen soon,’” said Duesing-Bird.

Brianna LaPlante, fourthyear fine artist at the FNU, explained her question related to the preservation of Indigenous languages. LaPlante is currently

language is a priority.

LaPlante was satisfied with the answer that was given to the audience member, but felt that the questions from the rest of the town hall were unanswered.

Students who did not get their questions answered get a voice here

Photo: Gillian Massie

“

Most of the time you need to make these Indigenous people move to the cities in order to get their education, you have to make these Indigenous people leave their communities and that is displacing them again.”

– Juleah Duesing-Bird

Student walkout at URSU SGM

The in-person membership had had enough of the University of Regina Students’ Union (URSU) special general meeting before any of the special business motions had been addressed. Shortly after 5:00 p.m., just surpassing the three-hour scheduled time limit of the meeting, students walked out after a motion to add 60 minutes to the meeting was pushed through. In a video, students could be heard yelling “shame” towards URSU members who oversaw the meeting. The SGM continued after the walkout.

“It was such a huge mess, it took them forever to even get started because of the technical issues they were having,” said Josiah Dondo, a concerned student who left the meeting. Dondo explained that the in-person membership walking out is “proof that nobody trusts URSU anymore.”

“The fact that we can’t even get through a motion without having our voices heard is just ridiculous,” said Dondo.

Approximately 50 students showed up in person to the Riddell Centre Multipurpose Room while about 120 attended via Zoom on April 11. The hybrid meeting setting comes after a prolonged meeting start at the March 2 annual general meeting, which only saw the resolution of three motions. The SGM kicked off with half an hour of technical difficulties. The in-person mem-

bership munched on pizza while they waited.

Questions of legitimacy about the Zoom verification processes came once the special busi-

different discrepancies in terms of identification.

Students who attended the meeting in person were expected to show their student ID at the

not use her email, and was still approved to go.

“That’s incredibly frustrating to me,” said Heerspink. She explained it would be easy to fake

liked to see things go smoother. “Everyone has a voice, and everyone has an opinion, but today I don’t think that everyone was equally heard.”

Motions 10.1.1. and 10.1.2. brought forth an internal governance review of URSU. Both were both voted down after the walkout occurred.

“Would have loved to see a lot of motions be approved,” said Stenberg. “I was a huge supporter of that, because we don’t have anything to hide.” Stenberg’s own motion, 10.1.3. to increase funding to UR Pride, was also voted down.

Heerspink, the mover of 10.1.2., explained her motion was made to hold URSU accountable. “The whole point of these motions is that there is an incredible distrust in URSU, and that’s why there needs to be a third party [URSU] report too,” said Heerspink.

ness motions began. Bronwyn Heerspink, president of the University of Regina Politics and International Studies Students’ Association raised concerns about the vetting processes to attend in person and through Zoom. Heerspink explained she thought if this was not foul play, then it was a complete oversight of having

door of the event, whereas registering through Zoom did not require showing any identification as a U of R student. When questioning the process at the meeting, URSU staff members explained that students should have signed up using their school webmail account. Heerspink debunked this, explaining she did

identification by pulling it off a LinkedIn profile.

URSU staff explained they would send an email verifying how they vetted each of the Zoom members attending the SGM online, but the Carillon has yet to receive a response.

Style Stenberg, URSU board chair of LGBTQ would have

Justin Passmore, a member at large with UR POLIS, was not surprised with the resolution of the meeting. “URSU does not care about student groups,” said Passmore in the hallway following the walkout. “They are just looking for their own personal benefits.”

gillian massie news editor

The University of Regina provides services for individuals requiring accommodations, which includes services for students with disabilities, health conditions, illnesses, and injuries. The Centre for Student Accessibility is responsible for providing consultation and appointments to discuss accommodations with students. An advisor will help to discuss accommodation options that best suit an individual.

The implementation of accommodations has changed since the global pandemic. Prior to 2020, a student would request that an email be sent to their professors and the professors would then be responsible for providing accommodations, including booking quiet exam spaces for students – thereby putting the onus on the professors instead of on the student.

Since then, the U of R has created the Brad Hornung Accommodations Test Centre (ATC), located in College West right beside the campus bookstore. The centre was named after

Brad Hornung, an athlete who became a quadriplegic after being checked from behind into the board during his time with the Regina Pats on March 1, 1987. On February 8, 2022, Hornung died of cancer, just shy of his 53rd birthday.

The testing centre provides individuals the accommodations they need outside of the classroom, such as providing quiet exam spaces, readers, and scribes for individuals who need them. The testing centre allows students to write quizzes, midterms, and finals within the testing centre. However, students must book at least seven days in advance of their exams.

Students requiring the testing centre must log into their account on UR Accommodated and book a room, either private or shared, through the Testing Room Booking Request section. This shifts the responsibility back onto the student instead of having the responsibility being put on the professor. This has pros and cons, as students may feel overwhelmed or have advocacy fatigue about booking time slots, especially when there are no more rooms available.

I have dyslexia and have been using the Centre for Student Accessibility since coming to the

more from the student receiving the accommodation which can add more stress. I think when it

I think it’s important that there are services in place to help minimize this type of fatigue that many students deal with regarding self-advocacy. I have noticed as the years have gone on that the testing centre is being used more, which means that getting a room for scheduled final exam slots is becoming more difficult. For example, this semester I went to UR Accommodated a month and a half before my final exam in order to book a private room and none were available.

U of R in the fall of 2019. I personally feel that the old and new systems have their pros and cons. The old system in some ways was more convenient for the student, whereas the new system requires

comes to having a learning disability, one of the hardest things is being an advocate for yourself and for the accommodations that you require; it can be extremely draining.

This is a new trend that seems to be taking shape more recently with the testing centre as demand for the centre increases and the staffing at the centre has decreased since its recent creation. It’s important that students know that they have access to accommodations, but also understand that the increase in students using the centre has made it more difficult for students to have access to the centre during exam periods. The university should look into expanding the testing centre to make sure that students have access to their required accommodations, especially during exam season.

The equivalent of management giving you a pizza party immediately before turning down your request for a raise.

Photo: Gillian Massie

sophia stevens s&h writer

amazing how school changes things; I change into an absolute wreck, and am inspired to change my laptop into a frisbee.

Photo: punttim via Pixabay

SGM continues after walkout despite lack of trust from students

Accessing accommodations at the U of R

student resources System approach shifted, now students struggling to self-advocate for their needs

Library resources and support

Learn which hidden gems Campion and Luther library staff have to offer students

While many students spend all their on-campus library time on one of Archer Library’s many floors, neglecting the other libraries on our campus can mean missing out on other free support and opportunities.

Campion Library, for example, can be found on the second floor of the Campion Building across from the main chapel. Christina Mackinnon, a student assistant for Campion Library, said it is normally a very calm place to work. “Honestly, in our library, everyone’s pretty quiet,” she noted, “and generally pretty considerate. I’ve never had a difficult client. I know that’s probably a boring answer, but it’s true.”

A student assistant role mainly involves sorting books and organizing shelves. While they aren’t qualified to offer help on research or citations, they spend lots of time helping students find the resources they need for essays and term papers. “We don’t have the authority to give advice on, say research, if a student has a question regarding research or citations, so it’s mainly just organizing the books on the shelves, doing shelf reading every night to make sure that everything is in order,” Mackinnon said. “It tends to get busier at the end of the semester when research papers are due.”

When asked about the most underrated library resource, the student assistant noted that reference books tend to be the least engaged with. “People just tend to refer to them online rather than coming into the library. You also can’t take those books out, so that’s probably also a main reason why people don’t gravitate toward them so much.”

Mackinnon continued, noting the benefits of using the reference books in Campion Library. “I’d say maybe it’s easier for you to flip through if you’re look-

in person and be able to compare whatever information you find.”

She noted the library also has writing resources that are especially valuable for first-year students, and that the library has a couple genre strengths of note.

“This is a good place to come and just find out where all your resources are,” Mackinnon stated.

“Also, if you want to find particular topics of books, a lot of our books are religious-based or histo-

assistant. So yeah, I think that’s what I like the most. The people here too are just really kind and great to work with, so that’s a huge perk.”

Another library more than worth the short walk from Campion’s is the Luther Library, located on the first floor near the stairway to the second floor. Library Coordinator Carla Flengeris has been supporting students through their academic work for some

too popular to be used in a university-level paper?’ I’d say those are the three most library-related questions.”

Flengeris also noted a few topics she wishes students would ask for support with and information about more often. “We have a lot of really cool databases, a lot of cool streaming media and music access that I think maybe a lot of students don’t know about,” she noted. “I wish we could get

casting studio and databases for this article, a student in the library approached the front desk where the interview was taking place. We paused the interview to give them the opportunity to interrupt with questions, but they said they just wanted to listen in on the interview so they could also learn the information. It’s safe to say that students are interested in these supports and services, some just need the opportunity to learn. Librarians provide this beautifully.

In order to learn more about the podcasting studio or to book it, all students have to do is chat with a Luther librarian. “An hour, two hours, however long you think you’re going to need,” Flengeris said, “and we recommend that people have a script and kind of a plan before they get in there so that they just need the time to record and edit.”

ing for something really specific. The other day actually, we had two people sitting down that had like five different reference books on one particular topic that they were going through. So maybe for comparing information, [...] I’d say if you really know a specific topic that you’re looking for, then it is probably easier to come

ry-based.”

When asked about her experience as a student assistant,

Mackinnon said “I love the environment and I like organization, so I like the process of actually going through our books and organizing and seeing what we have. That’s what we do the majority of, especially as a student

time and is intimately familiar with the most common student needs. “The most popular questions are how to find books or articles about their essay topics, how to cite in the three main citation styles. We get asked a lot about ‘I found this source online but I don’t know if it’s scholarly or academic or not. How do I tell if it’s

some more questions about that kind of thing. Here at Luther specifically, we have a new podcasting studio and some new technology. [...] Librarians are pretty good about staying informed and staying up-to-date on technology, so yeah, just questions like that.”

While the library coordinator shared information on the pod-

Regarding databases, the library coordinator explained they have resources for music, eBooks and eBook chapters, news media, journal articles, and a variety of films. “You know, educational, documentary-like films, but we also have a couple of really cool Hollywood movie databases.”

“A big portion of the library’s budget gets devoted to that,” Flengeris commented further on the additional resources, “so it’s good to make use of those things.”

holly funk editor-in-chief

Cozy up with a book (or twelve) in this calm Campion corridor.

Photo: Holly Funk

“The other day actually, we had two people sitting down that had like five different reference books on one particular topic that they were going through. So maybe for comparing information, [...] I’d say if you really know a specific topic that you’re looking for, then it is probably easier to come in person and be able to compare whatever information you find.”

– Christina Mackinnon

The investment opportunity for real winners

Stop thinking like a loser

for losers. We only think about the potential wins around here.

Listen, there comes a moment in every person’s life when they have to make a choice; a choice to be a loser, eating ramen noodles, or a choice to be a winner who drives Lambos. This is your moment.

You’ve got to invest in cryptocurrency.

For those of you out there who don’t know what crypto is, let me explain how it’s basically the next Microsoft. So, there’s a chain of blocks, and each block on that chain holds a bunch of information. That information is encrypted with some super sci-fi-sounding words like ‘cryptographic quantum-proof algorithmic programs.’ Bing, bang, boom, you now have information encrypted on your block chain. If this doesn’t make sense, think about it harder.

So, a cryptocurrency uses the blockchain to keep track of how much money you have in your digital wallet. Each digital wallet is super secure, so only you can access it with your super secure password.

What happens if you lose that password, you might ask? You shouldn’t ask. Negative thinking is

So, you buy the crypto, and then you wait for other people to also buy the crypto. As more people buy the crypto, the price goes up. Remember, the number of people buying the crypto will only go up, because we don’t think about the potential losses around here. Losers consider losses. Don’t think like a loser.

Like I was saying, the more people buy, the more your coins are worth. Therefore, the quicker you buy, the sooner you can start moving up the… cone-shaped hierarchy. And you do want to be at the top of the cone, don’t you?

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Obviously a cone has way more room at the bottom than the top. But remember, we only focus on the potential wins. No loser mindsets here.

Besides, if you’re at the bottom of the cone, you’ve probably done something to deserve it. What really separates the bottom-coners from the top-coners is mindset and hard work. And you don’t deserve bad things. So clearly, you’ll be at the top of the cone.

The cone truly is one of the more innovative parts of crypto that you’ll be investing in. You see, for ages people invested in

pyramid-shaped investment opportunities.

The first issue with that is really the two-dimensional structure of pyramids. Around here, we think high dimensionally, never in less than three dimensions. If you

Illustration: Lee Lim

want to learn how to think high dimensionally, you can sign up for my master course on my website. It truly is a life-changing experience. Go sign up for the course now.

I’m waiting.

Student success: why university is easy

University, just like life, is so darn simple

Why is university easy? It’s a walk in the park, really.

How simple it is to say that. Ah, the classic case of unsolicited advice from some people. Before you even apply to university, they will say that it’s so hard and a complete waste of time, money, and energy. “Why bother,” they tell you, “Just get married and settle down like everyone else.” But the moment you get that acceptance letter, suddenly it’s no big deal. “Oh, everyone gets in nowadays,” they’ll say. It’s like they can’t make up their minds about whether university is worth it or not.

Some people claim that there is no scope in a particular field. Yes, because all the majors and programs in the world are just there to waste your time and money. Forget about your passions, interests, and career aspirations. Just pick something random, close your eyes, and hope for the best. At least, that’s what some nosy acquaintances want you to believe, right? “Why are you studying art history? There is no money in that. You should be a doctor, a lawyer, or a banker. Those are the only careers worth pursuing.”

Oh, and while we are at it, let’s talk about working part-time in the summer to cover the entire cost of tuition. Sure, because tuition fees are just negligible, right? Just work for a few months, and voila! You’ve paid off your entire tuition for the year. Except, that’s not exactly how it works.

In reality, you will be working two or three jobs while sacrificing your leisure and sleep. But hey, who needs sleep and free time when you have the pleasure

of paying for your education? At least you have a degree. But now you’re drowning in debt and can barely afford rent or groceries. Perhaps you ought to have focused on something more practical like finance or engineering. Something that can pay the bills, you know.

Living with roommates can be an absolute blast when you’re studying in a foreign country and need some friendly faces to rely on. There is always someone to

Seriously, are you going to spend your money on ramen noodles, like a loser, or invest in yourself with my educational series on high-dimensional thinking?

The second big issue with pyramid-style investments is that pyramids are seriously out of date. I mean, the Pyramids were built in 4,000 BC. But crypto is super high-tech, so it can’t be pyramidal.

Lastly, we recently found out that some pharaohs were women, so anything to do with pyramids is not for us.

Though, the cone saves the best part of pyramid-shaped investment opportunities: that there are winners and losers. Think about it, it wouldn’t be fun to drive a Lamborghini if everyone had one. It’s only natural to derive all pleasure from a sense of superiority over others, and the cone lets me have that. I would never try to dominate you, though. Never. Because I can tell that you, specifically, are a very special person to whom the expected outcome would never happen.

It’s your time to shine! Don’t hesitate, get on your computer right now and get some of your own cryptocurrency.

chat with, laugh with, and split rent and bills with. Sure, you might have to deal with their weird habits and quirks such as cooking fish in the microwave at 1:00 a.m., but who needs peace, anyway? You’re paying for the privilege of being woken up at odd hours by your roommates snoring or the bonanza of having to navigate a minefield of dirty dishes just to make yourself a sandwich. But who needs personal space or cleanliness anyway when you have the thrill of living with roommates?

And let’s not forget their unsolicited advice when exams are around the corner. Colour-code your notes with some fancy pens, use a Pomodoro timer, chew gum, or have a piece of dark chocolate while studying and you’re good to go. But at least you have some mental support and someone to commiserate with when you’re feeling homesick.

But wait, there’s more! Let’s not forget the advice of some family members on how to ace university life. “Just study hard and you’ll do great! Make sure you get involved in extracurriculars,” they say, as if there’s enough time in the day to strike a balance between a full course load and a social life. Who needs rest and a healthy work-life balance when you can study 24/7? Let’s not

disregard the struggle of maintaining a high GPA while juggling a dozen responsibilities. Just one slip-up and you will be on academic probation. But hey, at least you will have a list of achievements to show off on your resume, right? Who cares if you haven’t slept in three days or had a proper meal in weeks? As long as you’re doing well in exams, you’re good to go.

But let’s end on a serious note. University life is a oncein-a-lifetime opportunity. Yes, it can get overwhelming, and there is ultimately not a one-size-fitsall solution. What works for one person may not work for another. Some students thrive under pressure, while others crumble. University life is a rollercoaster ride with its highs and lows and it’s normal to occasionally feel lost or uncertain.

It’s okay to ask for help when you need it, whether it’s from a professor, counselor, trusted friend, or family member. Don’t be reluctant to use the resources at your disposal, whether it’s a tutoring service or a mental health center. Be kind to yourself and approach university life with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow. So, while it may not always be easy, do know that your efforts and sacrifices will ultimately pay off!

Of course, you could lose everything you own buying crypto, but realistic thinking is for *losers*.

There should be a law about how every person giving unsolicited advice must commit to paying off one of your bills.

nazeemah noorally staff writer

How to save money and glorify capitalism

Building your riches while others stay poor

Are you tired of living paycheque to paycheque? Are you sick of always feeling like you don’t have enough money to make ends meet? Do you dread the last week of every month, not sure if you will have enough money to both eat some food and get some gas for your vehicle? Maybe you live in fear of that ‘unforeseen expense’ that will wipe out the little savings you built up by living like a church mouse for the last year and a half.

I wish I could empathize with you, average reader, but I am afraid I cannot. Because, you see, I am truly organized and successful in saving money and living the good life. And with a little help from me, you can improve your life, too. Simply read on, and do not forget to sign up for my newsletter!

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “Saving money? That’s impossible! I need my daily Starbucks fix, my two dozen different streaming subscriptions, and my weekly manicures!” But trust me, with a little bit of effort and some creative thinking, you can start building your savings account in no time. This country was built by people with completely unhealthy coping mechanisms, a ridiculously low level of self-awareness, and the propensity to dispense advice when none was asked for. You, too, can join this proud tradition. Come with me, dear reader!

First and foremost, let’s talk about the biggest drain on your bank account: food. Now, current science tells us that you absolutely need food to survive, but we all know how quickly science does an about-face about everything, right? One day it’s ‘light is a wave, just look at these wave patterns here,’ and the very next century it’s ‘light is a particle, how else do you explain this thing here we just saw?’

Mark me down as not impressed. I am not a science person. I am someone who gets things done right the first time around. The point of that being we simply do not know that we need food to survive. Sure, sometimes people starve to death, but how do we know they did not have other health concerns?

But, I am not unreasonable, so I am not asking you to give up eating. I am just asking; do you really need to eat three meals a

day? Instead, try cutting back to one meal a day. And not just any meal, either. Eat a huge dinner, and then sit in one spot and remain very still. Why, you ask? By cutting down how much work you are doing, you are really making that meal last for the next 24

I do have second-level advice. While you are already eating just one meal a day, you can take your financial literacy to an even higher class simply by being more strategic with what you are eating for that meal. In grocery stores, steer clear of any food items that give

faster sale, and that is where you will save the big bucks. Imagine, if you save $1 every time you to the grocery store, how much longer can it be before you are a billionaire? I repeat, join the proud tradition of self-made pillars of society!

ed to buy into such propaganda? Why spend money on a shelter from the elements when you can just live in a cardboard box? It’s cozy, compact, and won’t break the bank. Plus, you’ll get to experience the great outdoors every day, which we are told is great for your mental health. Further, living outdoors is just the natural way of things. If God wanted man to have housing, why would He put Adam and Eve in a garden – hello?

Speaking of the great outdoors, let’s talk transportation. Instead of driving a fancy car that guzzles gas, why not just walk everywhere? It’s a fun way to get around, and it’s great for your leg muscles. Also, think of it this way: when you walk a hundred kilometers a day, you are saving both gas expenses and gym fees. Also, you will be so tired and so pressed for time that you will no longer have time to spend on those streaming subscriptions! See how it all begins to fall into place?

Of course, if you are running late and cannot afford to walk, you can always try hitchhiking. You’ll meet interesting people and get free rides to your destination. Just make sure you bring a can of mace for safety purposes.

Finally, let’s talk about clothing. Instead of buying new clothes every season, try wearing the same outfit every day. Sure, people might judge you, but who cares? You’ll be saving money and reducing your carbon footprint, which is all the rage these days anyway. In fact, let me share a personal observation here. If you take this advice, people usually begin to avoid you, saving you even more money that would otherwise have been wasted on social niceties like ‘getting a drink with friends.’ Who needs friends when you have money? Focus, reader. Focus on the bucks.

hours! Repeat the next evening, and then every evening for the rest of your life. If you are feeling extreme hunger pangs and feel like crying, just take a look at your bank account with the dough piling up. That’s what I do. Better than any pizza!

While on the topic of food,

you a little joy in life or the will to go on. Those are for people without a fat bank account. We are better than that. Head over to the aisles with the most wilted vegetables, over-ripe fruits, and bread that will expire before you can get home from the store. Most stores will mark these items down for

Next up on our list of money-saving tips: housing. I contend that Hollywood has driven us into completely unrealistic expectations about relationships and housing. I mean, everyone in these movies lives in an apartment with running water and heat. Surely, we are not expect-

In conclusion, saving money is easy if you’re willing to make a few sacrifices. Sure, you might be living in a cardboard box and be clinically categorizable as having an eating disorder, but think of all the money you’ll save in the process! Dear reader, I wish you luck in your saving aspirations. Your future self will thank you… assuming you survive the diet, the cardboard box, or being run over while walking home. I wish you luck!

hammad ali op-ed editor

As any poor college student knows, best before dates are suggestions, not the law. Image: giant_bilker0 via Pixabay, manipulated by Lee Lim

“This country was built by people with completely unhealthy coping mechanisms, a ridiculously low level of self-awareness, and the propensity to dispense advice when none was asked for. You, too, can join this proud tradition. Come with me, dear reader!”

– Hammad Ali

Online dating profiles: mysteries revealed

Most of us have at least heard of, if not personally tried, a variety of online dating platforms. Tinder is a classic, Bumble has been increasing in popularity, Hinge boasts itself as the best spot for serious relationship seekers, and there’s a host more beside those.

The first hurdle to get over if you’re looking to get into online

ly none of your characteristics, preferences, interests, hopes, or dreams could possibly go wrong. If dating profiles were lingerie, you’d be a chastity belt worn under a nightgown worn under a parka. Stunning.

If you want to do one better, write a list of traits you want in your matches instead of relaying anything about yourself. You’ll be swimming in matches with a bio like “You must have perfect white teeth and flawless skin and long hair and sparkling eyes, no fem-

your Thanksgiving dinner argument with Uncle Jeremy, because it’ll come up again at Christmas and you’ll want your match –who you’ve already decided will be attending – to be briefed. A list of everywhere you’ve been fired from is also a great idea so your matches will know where they shouldn’t take you for dates, or a list of every previous partner’s red flags so potential matches know you’ve really been working to heal.

Now, on to the pictures. On

If you’re feeling more risqué, it’s never the wrong move to upload a shirtless bathroom selfie taken in a dirty mirror, but be sure to crop the image just below your chin to be clear to anyone looking at your profile that your smokin’ hot bod is the only asset you have to offer. On the flip side, if you want to convey that what you truly have to offer is your brilliant mind, don’t upload even a single picture – if it’s meant to be, they’ll realize somehow and swipe anyway.

dating is choosing the platform, but the second – and arguably much more treacherous – hurdle is setting up your profile. I’ve set up a handful in my time, have swiped through thousands of the best and worst around, and I’ve been dating someone for nearly two years now who I met through online dating, so I took my expertise and put together this list of tips for you to try out this spring fling season.

In order to start this journey, you’ll need to sort out some self-promotional boundaries, and be sure to stick to them militantly – there’s nothing hotter than a complete lack of flexibility or unwillingness to adjust. I like to begin by deciding how much information I’ll be divulging for the masses. ‘Go big or go home’ is a pretty flawless personal philosophy, so try to stick to one of those two extremes at all times.

When it comes to your bio, you should give all or nothing. If you’re leaning toward the nothing route, a classic “message to chat” bio gets that stance across while leaving something (everything) up to their imagination. Who cares if you have hundreds of characters you could use if three words gets the job done? It’s sexy to leave a little mystery, so there’s no way that giving people absolute-

inists or fatties. Be smart enough to realize I’m right all the time without believing that you’re actually smart, must have extremely loose principles and values, will earn the household income and raise any kids we have. Hell, better be ready to mother me, too.”

On the other hand, there are

most platforms you’ll have the chance to add many images, so it’s important to curate the selection depending on who you want to attract. The boundary you selected when writing your bio will be useful as a starting point here; consistency is key, you know. If your bio has little to nothing

Don’t worry if you’re planning to reveal your whole hand, I haven’t forgotten about you. If you want to really impress potential matches, make sure you upload as many images as you possibly can, and that every single one is a group picture so they can see how social and well-connect-

with the boys. Such a gentleman. Now, what’s the move when you inevitably get hundreds of matches and you’re trying to choose how to begin conversations? “U up?” may be tried and true in some contexts, but you usually need a bit of rapport before you can depend on that sort of go-to. To start, I’d recommend something simple but honest. Don’t ask what they’re doing later as if you care. Instead, tell them what big date you have planned for the two of you that evening and demand their address so you can pick them up at a time you’ve already chosen. If they appreciate the thought and time you put in to plan something for them, of course they’ll say yes, and if they say no or get upset you didn’t ask about or even consider their wants (or whether or not they might have already had plans), then you’re dodging a bullet – you wouldn’t get along anyway.

If that doesn’t sound up your alley and you’d rather continue playing up the mystery, wait for them to message you. They obviously know that you’re waiting for them to make the first move, that you won’t be starting the conversation, and that you’re expecting them to step up and do it. If they can’t be bothered to say “Hey,” you’re totally justified in feeling butthurt and ranting to all of your friends about how you never have any luck on these platforms.

hundreds of characters to be used up in most online dating profile bios, so why not skip ahead in a relationship three weeks by laying out all the personal information you’re sure to give out in that time anyway? You can – and should –include every bit of dialogue from

about you, why should your photos reveal anything either? Look through your saved images for shots friends took while standing behind you at concerts to show off that full head of hair you’re still sporting while leaving every facial feature a mystery.

ed you are. Who cares if there are so many different faces in the pictures that people on the app can’t tell who you are, you’re just being considerate and giving them notice that if they attend a party with you they won’t actually get any time with you – you’ll be off

It’s not like you’re asking for much, you just want them to cater to your every whim, anticipate your every thought and need despite never having met you, and to do things you’re not willing to do. Only a bitch would say no to that, you stud.

holly funk editor-in-chief

From bios to profiles to the first interaction, here are the tips to make matches happen

A one-sentence bio and only pictures of their pets? Must be a catch.

Photo: 99mimimi via Pixabay

“

A list of everywhere you’ve been fired from is also a great idea so your matches will know where they shouldn’t take you for dates, or a list of every previous partner’s red flags so potential matches know you’ve really been working to heal.”

– Holly Funk

01

…don’t camp out in the sun looking for perfect lighting! Clouds help provide consistent, diffused light that makes everyone’s skin glow and helps to ensure your models don’t melt or burn.

KEY

... spending the time to learn how to generate the sort of contrasts and temperatures you want should be a focus to help make your friends, and their styles, really pop!

…the best equipment for helping your friends pose more naturally? Conversation. It will help things feel more casual and comfortable and will help create the moments you’re looking to capture.

LINING IT UP 04

…seeing people in a new context often means examining the details. Try taking shots that show your pals as the quintessential versions of themselves. Maybe that’s the sneakers they wear everywhere, or the distinct angle of their nose.

lee's look book

animeeditio n don't get caught looking boring, friends...

Bachelor in Prairiedise: the sequel

year of university at the U of R for early childhood education.

Hello, Bachelor Nation! The long-awaited Bachelor in Prairiedise, taking place in the Canadian prairies, returns for a second season. This time around, we’re sticking to the classic Paradise structure, with eight girls and seven boys heading off to paradise in Saskatoon!

Every night, each man will get a rose to give to a girl who they want to get to know better. No rose, no more time in paradise. And this year, right before the premiere episode, we’ll get a live recording from season one’s Avery Walker’s wedding to season one winner, Aiden B.

But first, let’s take a look at this season’s contestants, starting with the ladies.

Our first contestant is Emma S., 24, from Regina, Saskatchewan. Emma keeps up with all the celebrity drama and gossip, so we know she’ll be a hit in paradise. She’ll have an eye on all the pairings, and she’ll definitely be the one to watch for potential blindsides. Emma is currently a teacher and isn’t afraid to teach the people of paradise some lessons. I predict Emma will be the fan favourite on this season of Prairiedise.

Next, we have Becca, 25, from Winnipeg, Manitoba. Becca is currently studying at nursing school to be a nurse practitioner, so you can already picture what she looks like. Becca loves to read romance novels but gets disappointed when prairie boys don’t live up to expectations, especially when her type is mullets and mustaches. Becca loves to spend time outdoors, and her 30-step skin routine that she needs to do twice a day every day reflects that. She went through a ‘skater girl’ phase in high school and will never live it down.

Meet Brooklynn, 23, from Regina, Saskatchewan. She’s a professional rodeo trick rider and says her hidden talent is two-stepping. She only dates country boys, but somehow gets disappointed whenever every single one of them ends up racist, homophobic, and sexist. Her favourite food is breakfast burritos, and when we asked her how to make them, she didn’t mention any seasoning for the eggs at all. She was arrested in 2018, but won’t tell us what for. Maybe that’s why, if she could have a superpower, it would be teleporting.

Now, we have Cassidy, 26, from Forget, Saskatchewan. Cassidy currently teaches second grade. She says she isn’t afraid to be silly. She’s just so random! And that’s all she told us, but she did ask for the height of every man in this season.

Elizabeth is 22 and in her last

Elizabeth spends every weekend partying with her friends at Gabbo’s, and no one’s ever tried to stab her – lucky Elizabeth! She hasn’t paid for tequila shots since she turned 19. She has matching tattoos with three previous partners. She drives a stick shift, and you’ll never forget that she drives a stick shift because she won’t let you.

she wants to have her rom-com moment in Prairiedise. She currently works as a receptionist and has tried to force-meet cutes several times.

Next, meet Lyndsey, 24, from Lumsden, Saskatchewan. She will be very upset if you misspell her name. She got a tattoo at 16 that arguably looks very bad, but she will never admit it. She competes across Canada in pageants, and she will never let you forget

little off, pretend you don’t see it.

Our last female contestant is Brooke from Brandon, Manitoba. Brooke is 24, works in forensic psychology, is hard-working, and loves to follow TikTok trends. She’s fun-loving and isn’t afraid to take on challenges, including Prairiedise. She’s always ready to sing some Disney classics. We can already see Brooke becoming a fan favourite for her down-toearth personality.

– Will Bright

Our next contestant is Hailey, 24, from Calgary, Alberta. She claims she is the master of charcuterie boards, and her Pinterest proves it. Sometimes she talks in a British accent just for fun! Hailey loves rom-coms, and

every little win she’s ever had. She models, but definitely doesn’t make enough for a living, even though she says she does. She’s on the cover of several magazines that you’ve never heard of and cannot find. If her blush looks a

Our first guy is Clayton, 23, from Regina, Saskatchewan. Clayton practically lives at the gym. He has been accused several times of taking steroids, but he hasn’t admitted it. His last four girlfriends broke up with him be-

cause he cheated on them, so he’s perfect for Prairiedise.

Daniel, 26, from Edmonton, Alberta works as a firefighter. His special interest is aliens. He genuinely believes aliens exist. He’s been to Roswell, New Mexico 103 times. He knows about every single unidentified flying object that has ever flown over Canada. When we asked him if he had an alien hidden in his basement, he just laughed and would not give us a straight answer. Help, we think Daniel kidnapped an alien, and we don’t know where he lives or if the alien will be fed while he’s in Prairiedise.

Next up is…Ford F150? Wait, is that a mistake? No? You asked him what his name was, and he said Ford F150? Alright then. Ford F150’s favourite thing is... his Ford F150? Well, that makes sense. When we asked him what his hobbies were, he said spending time in his Ford F150. We tried to ask where he was from, and he just said Ford F150. Tune in to see if we learn Ford F150’s real name.

Aiden C., 26, from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan is up next. He eats an entire watermelon every single day. His least favourite things are frogs and doing his own laundry. He travels home every week to get his mom to do his laundry. He said his job is a ‘pizzapreneur’ because he loves pizza so much.

Meet Spencer, 31, from Winnipeg, Manitoba. He’s a carpenter and loves woodworking. For fun, he goes into Shoppers Drug Marts and smells all the perfumes. He knows the difference between vanilla and vanilla sugar. He will try to smell you so he can tell you exactly what you smell like. He is very insistent on smelling you.

Connor B., 27, is from Regina, Saskatchewan. His secret talent is eating cereal faster than anyone and quoting every single line of every Fast and Furious movie when you watch it. He loves Joe Rogan but pretends he doesn’t know who Rogan is. He works as a truck driver. Maybe he’ll make friends with Ford F150.

And finally, rounding out our cast is James, 20, from North Battleford, Saskatchewan. He works as a...a skin salesman. Okay, moving on. When we met with James, he just stood in a corner staring at us, and then when we tried to turn away he would come up behind one of us and stand really close without saying a word. Thanks, James.

And that’s our cast! Are you as excited as we are for this season of Bachelor in Prairiedise? Start making your bets now as to who will couple up and who will end up married by the end of the season! Until next season, Bachelor Nation!

Get caught up on this season’s latest and greatest before cameras roll

When we asked him if he had an alien hidden in his basement, he just laughed and would not give us a straight answer. Help, we think Daniel kidnapped an alien, and we don’t know where he lives or if the alien will be fed while he’s in Prairiedise.”

Cantankerous corvids

another dark figure emerged from the McCallister home. It was Peggy McCallister, who yelled at the shadow, saying “Rory McCallister, what are you doing?”

It was the dead of night when a shadow-like figure emerged from behind a bush on Sawyer Boulevard. The shadow quietly screed towards the town’s cemetery, and scurried behind the McCormack’s house.

The shadow-like figure then proceeded into the cemetery where he was met by Doug McCormack himself. Doug was known in the town as being an odd figure who made most people feel rather uncomfortable with his awkward, harsh conversations and less-than-welcoming demeanor. It was also believed around town that Mr. McCormack was responsible for the mys-

Her response was met with Rory – her brother, and the shadow-like figure – motioning for Peggy to quiet down. The pair met at the backyard fence where Rory explained that he needed to get Mr. McCormack’s body in the trunk of the family car before the family left for their annual camping trip the next morning. After gently lifting Mr. McCormack into the trunk of the car where the spare tire normally fits, Rory filled Peggy in with every detail he could remember. To be brief, Rory believed like much of the community that Doug McCormack had been responsible for the death of his girlfriend and

The drive to Big Moose Lake usually takes the McCallisters all day, as they have to drive across the whole state to get there. The drive to the campsite was relatively uneventful as they stopped for a few snacks, and nobody asked questions about the slightly off smell coming from under the luggage and tent. Neither Peggy nor Rory discussed or mentioned the dead body as their parents sat in the driver and passenger seats.

Mr. McCallister slammed on the breaks suddenly, causing Rory and Peggy to jolt in their seats. “What was that?” said Peggy. “I don’t know!” exclaimed Mr. McCallister. Mr. McCallister then got out of the car where he was met with a horrid sight.

“Oh, my goodness, I’ve hit a crow!” exclaimed Mr. McCallister. “A crow! Are you serious?”

interesting family discussions.

It was completely dark when the McCallisters drove into the campsite at Big Moose Lake with only the car headlights as a form of light. Mr. McCallister drove up to the stand where a gentleman dressed in a ripped white t-shirt and pants stood, looking rather paranoid to say the least. “We have a tent reservation. Should be under ‘McCallister.’” Mr. McCallister said cautiously to the man.

“Beware of the birds. Those who kill should beware. Beware! Beware! Here is your pass. Enjoy!” said the paranoid gentlemen.

“That was extremely bizarre!” said Mr. McCallister as he drove towards their campsite. Rory and Peggy looked at each other with fear as their father drove towards the campsite. What

of 50 corvids begin to attack the McCallisters. To avoid the corvid attack, Peggy jumped into a nearby bush, Rory leaped into the nearby lake, and Mrs. McCallister jumped into the tent.

Mr. McCallister jumped into the trunk of the family car. All of a sudden, the corvids diverted their attention to the family car where Mr. McCallister was – unbeknownst to him – laying on top of Doug McCormack’s body. As the corvids began to the swarm the vehicle, Mr. McCallister began to notice an interesting stench coming from inside the car, from right underneath him. He began to examine his car, trying to find the source of the unpleasant smell. Mr. McCallister then opened the compartment for the spare tire and discovered the unimaginable laying there under-

terious deaths of animals and, more specifically, the deaths of his children and wife, though no evidence could prove his involvement in those crimes.

As the shadow approached Mr. McCormack, it revealed a 10-inch-long blade and began stabbing him. The shadow then began to drag the now dead Mr. McCormack from the cemetery and towards the McCallister home, which sat on the corner of Sawyer Boulevard. As the shadow figure dragged Mr. McCormack,

Doug’s oldest daughter, Maggie. The next morning, the McCallisters got ready for their annual camping trip to Big Moose Lake in upstate New York. Big Moose Lake is known for being haunted, something that the McCallisters knew quite well and that Rory was counting on. The haunted speculation surrounding the lake involved the murder of a pregnant Grace Brown in July of 1906; it is believed she is still haunting the campsite.

said Rory and Peggy at the same time. The McCallisters carried on after the whole family helped to move the crow to the side of the road. The demeanor in the car remained nervous and quiet, with everyone trying their best to ignore the spiderweb cracks in the front windshield where they had hit the crow. The McCallisters always felt uneasy going to Big Moose Lake, but they viewed the haunted aspect of the campsite to be riveting and it made for

the McCallisters didn’t realize is that an infestation of corvids had invaded the Big Moose campsite, with prime targets being murderers and the dead bodies they would bring to hide on the grounds.

The McCallisters then started to set up their tent at their campsite. The process was relatively normal with no disturbances until they heard a sharp “Ca-CAW! Ca-CAW!” All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a group

neath him.

“AH!” screamed Mr. McCallister, who ran out of the vehicle despite being charged by the corvids. “Why is there a dead body in the car?!” wailed Mr. McCallister while he charged towards the lake, trying to find somewhere to run where the crows couldn’t follow.

Rory and Peggy looked at each other, knowing all too well that their secret was out.

sophia stevens s&h writer

A story of suspicions, passionate violence, and the inescapable consequences

A murder most foul, and a murder of fowl.

Photo: Sarangib via Pixabay

“

That was extremely bizarre!” said Mr. McCallister as he drove towards their campsite. Rory and Peggy looked at each other with fear as their father drove towards the campsite. What the McCallisters didn’t realize is that an infestation of corvids had invaded the Big Moose campsite, with prime targets being murderers and the dead bodies they would bring to hide on the grounds.”

– Sophia Stevens

Camping catastrophe

How Summer the non-camper found the inspiration to pull off her trip

victoria baht staff writer

Hi, everyone. My name is Summer, and I want to tell you the ultimate camping story. It all started off with a girl named Summer. Yes, that’s me.

Ever since I was a girl, other people always bugged me because my name is Summer. Quite honestly, I hated that time of the year. I hated the way the sun shined so bright and hot, how the days lasted longer. I hated the bugs, how the birds loudly chirped, and the list goes on. Well, now that I am getting older, I decided I would challenge myself to take on the ultimate camping trip.

One long weekend about three years ago, I went on my very first camping trip. Let me tell you, it did not get off to a great start. I had never been camping before, so I had no idea what I needed or what I was in for. I started off with some old, essential equipment from my father, and I thought that would do the trick. I packed a tent, an axe, a cooler of food, water, an air mattress, and a pump. In my mind, what else could I need?

That day I packed up and went off. I booked a campsite just

outside of my town about two hours away and blasted some music in my car – there was no turning back now! 2 hours, 60 songs, and 2 podcasts later, I arrived at my campsite, and it was time to set up camp.

I started setting up camp by setting up my tent. Have you ever set up a tent by yourself before? I do not recommend it! It started out with old instructions that were ripped and had most of the ink worn out. Great start… thanks, Dad.

So, I gave it my best try, and

after about 45 minutes of trying to set up a tent, I had figured out the problem. I was missing a pole; and not just any pole, one of the main poles that holds up the middle of the tent. Only half the tent would stay up, so that side is where I set up my air mattress –thank God that went smoothly. After it was set up, I tried to lay down on my air mattress, and as I laid down – FLOP! The ground underneath it was uneven, and I banged my head on the ground while my feet flew up in the air. That was the last straw, so it was

In the company of cats

A bond unlike any other

Make them a sight so grand and pure.

time to have supper.

I got my food together and gathered some cooking supplies. Just as I thought I had everything to start a fire, I realized I had forgotten paper and a lighter. This camping trip was not going swell. This is why I hate summer!

At this point, I decided I was going to get firewood and simply ask the campers around me to borrow paper and a lighter. So, there I went for a drive to go find firewood. As I was driving to find the closest service location, something hit my car with a

BAM! “What the heck was that?”

I thought to myself as I got out of my car.

I had hit a crow. There it was, just laying on the hood of my car. I felt terrible. I carefully picked it up off my car with some twigs and took it to the side of the road to let it rest in peace. I went back to my car, and as I drove to get firewood, ideas started to hit me as hard as the crow had.

As I gathered firewood, some magical things started to come to my mind. I thought to myself, “If I can find a long, skinny, and bendy enough stick, I can use it as a pole for my tent. From that same stick I can use the leaves to start the fire, and lastly, I can use a flat rock from around the fire pit to make the ground nice and level for my bed, so I don’t smack my head.”

Once I had the fire started, I cooked my food and enjoyed it. Then, I went for a nice walk in the evening, laid down on the boating dock and stared up at the night sky. I thought to myself and realized that summer isn’t all that bad. Years later, camping is now one of my favourite activities – all thanks to the inspiration that hit me after I hit that poor crow.

With whiskers that twitch, eyes gleaming like jewels in the night, The feline muse brings the writer’s pen to light.

Cats’ grace and beauty, so regal and sleek, A muse that writers eagerly seek.

They hold a mysterious aura, projecting it well, Giving away nothing; their secrets, won’t tell.

They stay still for the perfect shot; not a fuss, and then They move on into their den.

When the moment calls for peace, And all the noise begins to cease, The cats nap all day, in a slumber so deep.

A catnap here and a catnap there, They wake up refreshed, without a care.

And, when they dream, we can’t help but wonder, What images in their minds they do conjure?

Perhaps it’s giant mice they are chasing, Their paws peddling as they are racing

Through their dreams, just like we do, Storing memories and events with a dreamy view.

Majestic creatures, the feline royalty, With regal poise they roam so freely, Their piercing gaze and silky fur

Yet there’s one thing that makes them wary, A liquid foe that’s quite contrary. Water, a force they cannot withstand, A splash and they’ll run to hide at its command.

Ginger, Siamese, British short or long hair, Different breeds, but some traits they share:

Viewing the world around, like a ruler they stand, Bringing half-dead birds or mice, a gift so grand.

Their ears are attuned to sounds far and near, They hear what we miss, sounds that are unclear. A rustle in the grass, a bird in the sky, A sound we ignore but that they can’t deny.

Though small and tame the housecat may seem, Their wilder cousins are a different dream. Tigers and lions with a majestic grace, That leaves us in awe of their powerful pace.

Their hunting instincts I witness each day, Toy mice and strings, their prey they slay. Pouncing and stalking with glowing eyes on the prize, A wild instinct even in domesticated guise.

With sharpened claws and restless paws

Our feline friends need a place to pause, A post to scratch, a spot to climb. They’ll squeeze and curl, snug in tight To spaces we never noticed in sight.

Their paws, like velvet, tread with care, And when they pause their noses are aware

Of every scent that lingers in the air, A world of wonder that they love to share.

Those who cherish felines, they understand the stage. We’re not the boss, we’re just their human slaves

To open cans of tuna, and to fill their bowl, So they can rule their kingdom, in full control.

But oh, the joy these furballs bring to our lives, Their playful antics and comforting vibes. Their agile grace and cunning moves we adore, A sight that never ceases to leave us wanting more.

Though they can be aloof and ignore for weeks With their purrs and paws so soft and sweet, They knead and make biscuits with might, Approaching us and bumping heads with such delight.

They may not bark or wag their tails, But they have their own special tales Of loyalty, affection, and of trust, And a special bond that’s truly a must.

Independent creatures who love their space, Adventurous and curious with a wild grace. Treat them well and they’ll be your friend, A companion for life – until the very end.

So, if you’re feeling a little bit blue, Or if life’s lately got you feeling askew, Just find some cats and spend some time And you’ll feel better; that’s the feline.

Standing at attention, watching for the next shiny to swipe.

Photo: winterknight1979 via Flickr

The eyes? Stunning. The hair? Luxurious. The nose? Boopable.

Photo: Nazeemah Noorally

nazeemah noorally staff writer

shatter

ever present, ever fleeting // at a new rate my heart’s beating sometimes flutter, oft a race // shouldn’t’ve thought we’d keep pace

overburdened, over budget // but we believed we could cut it pierce the tension, ever throbbing // now we’re bleeding, never clotting

can’t stop moving // mustn’t falter because if you freeze, you shatter

always roaming // keep them guessing not smiling, just tongue depressing

this ocean in drought shall again find its stream even shattered, these shard-guarded eyes still gleam

Poor use of social media can trigger unhealthy thought patterns FOMO on social media is palpable

FOMO is an acronym for ‘fear of missing out,’ and is an aspect of our psychological makeup that has probably been around since the beginning of civilization. We live in a society wherein social interaction is not only needed but is a must to

survive. Humans are very social creatures. Whether an introvert or extrovert, we need to be around others to maintain relationships, and that’s how FOMO comes into the picture. Not being able to be part of something may make us feel excluded, or wary that we might be missing something eventful or important. Fear of missing out is real and it’s something that would be hard to completely rid oneself of.

Social media today is a space in which people most experience FOMO. People tend to overthink what they read or see on social network sites or platforms and wonder if they are missing out on anything. Social media might have brought people closer, but it is also a cause of anxiety, depression, addiction, loneliness, and ultimately FOMO. As social media becomes more prominent in our society, the number of people who will likely experience FOMO will increase, with the youth trying to keep themselves relevant and caught up on any trend. This will mostly push them into thinking that they could never miss anything about anything or they will fall behind.

Sleep is restful and nourishing, but TikTok is more fun.

The fear of missing out could be experienced by simply looking at social media posts of your friends hanging out and thinking that they deliberately posted them to make you jealous. Another example of

FOMO is overthinking that your friends may have a secret group chat you are not a part of. People who are prone to feelings of FOMO will most likely force themselves to adapt, change, or lie to avoid having those thoughts. One could lie about having watched a new movie to avoid being judged, change their appearance for social media, or force themselves to adapt to a situation they know they do not fit.

FOMO is most prevalent among young people, as they make up the majority of consumers of social media. In 2018, around 7 in every 10 millennials reporting having had experienced FOMO. Young adults aged 16 to 24 years old form a big percentage of people who experience FOMO. I have personally experienced FOMO, especially as an immigrant who moved here to Canada when I was at an awkward pre-teen stage of my life and was trying to fit in.

Everyone had Facebook. I was added as a friend by my classmates, but feared that I would not be able to follow what they are posting and talking about in those spaces. I also felt FOMO as I was concerned that I would miss out on my friends I had left back home.

FOMO is an issue that is also greatly influenced by people we follow on social media, be they celebrities or influenc-

ers. Having access to merely a snippet of those peoples’ lives, one could experience FOMO as one compares themselves with others. FOMO is caused by social media and its effects are seen based on the number of people who have experienced and are constantly experiencing it.

We should find a way to lessen the degree to which one experiences FOMO. It might sound like an issue that others could label as jealousy, but FOMO is much deeper than that and could lead to other issues like depression or loneliness. A simple way to avoid having FOMO is to cut down on time spent on social media. We shouldn’t think that social media is a space for us to always be in. Time goes by on a whim, and it is alright to miss some things.

Growing up in a society that stays connected through the help of digital communication in the form of social media will have its pros and cons, but people will experience a different level of FOMO. The fear of being out of the loop is real, and we need to remember it is okay to not be a part of everything.

Born into blame: underdiagnosing women with ADHD

In 2022, I sat across from my best friend. He stood in the kitchen, listening to me ramble as usual. Finally, he turned around and said “You know, I think you might have ADHD.” In true neurodivergent fashion, I said “What’s that?” and away I went into hyper-fixation land. Deep diving into research, I spent hours uncovering the mystery of ADHD. Like the inside of my mind, I had endless browsers with quickly-multiplying tabs. And by the end of the day, I had a list of psychiatrists and mental health centres noted to call.

Stepping into a mental healthcare centre or speaking with a psychologist was nothing new for me. However, you would think that after years of mental health care, receiving a diagnosis would not be so hard. Unfortunately, the empowerment I felt with a new understanding of myself vanished. It has become increasingly undeniable that neurodivergent women are misdiagnosed, underdiagnosed, and overall misunderstood.

Today, I write this for my teenage self: an overachiever and perfectionist who flew under the radar, masking her ADHD with burnout, social anxiety, and perfect grades. I remember sitting across from the typical representation of ADHD – a young, aggressive, angry boy who could not sit still in class. Now imagine a shy, second-generation Asian immigrant girl; that does not fit the box, does it?

I had three years of rapport with my psychiatrist before stepping into his office and asking for an ADHD assessment. He denied me, gaslit me, and quickly said, “No, you do not have ADHD. I have seen you for three years and already screened

that out.” He proceeded to pull up my intake records from three years ago. He repeated, using my own words, “I had perfect grades in high school and had no problem completing assignments.” I was dismissive of myself, minimizing as I said “Okay, that is all I wanted to cover today.” Closing his DSM-5 textbook, he got up, opened the door, and watched another underdiagnosed patient walk away.

Before the session, I was full of confidence and excitement. I had gone 23 years believing “you are too much” or “you are too emotional” as ‘normal’ comments. You see, when you live in a household full of other undiagnosed neurodivergent people, your thoughts, behaviours, and emotions feel ‘healthy’ – neurotypical. It would be panic attacks, depression, and multiple burnouts until I found a family doctor ready to do their job. And although I had

received the diagnosis I was fighting for, I could not shake the feeling of disappointment. A week into my diagnosis is when blame slowly creeped in; it must have snuck through the window, making itself at home.

Attention deficit disorder has three main presentations: predominantly inattentive, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive, and combined inattentive and hyperactive. Statistically, the prevalence of ADHD is more common among males: 12.9 per cent of men live with ADHD compared to 5.6 per cent of women. Mental health issues are like trying on clothes; each one will fit differently for each person. So, my biggest question is, why are men and boys receiving a diagnosis quickly compared to women and girls? Alternatively, why are more women receiving a late diagnosis of ADHD?

What is the difference? Women presenting ADHD are more likely to be inattentive, while men exhibit combined symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity. The challenge with socialization and gender expectations are their roles and heterogeneous characteristics. With society’s gender norms, it is almost impossible to recognize ADHD tendencies among girls, and there are few studies dedicated to learning about the gender differences of ADHD. It is challenging to be an adult woman who does not fit into the measured box resembling boys with ADHD. Psychologists have noted that girls with undiagnosed ADHD are more prone to develop internalizing disorders such as anxiety and depression.

So, why are women with ADHD born to blame? Notably, many women like me are prone to dissociation and overstimulation, masking it with overachievement and restlessness. Nevertheless, society’s gender roles have made it challenging to identify traits of ADHD as a woman. The constant need to be productive and the pressure to be successful filter the absence of motivation and the presence of impulsivity.

In other words, social institutions such as family structures, the workforce, and academia can foster a ‘perfect reality,’ enabling ADHD symptoms in women to go unseen. We are encouraged to succeed but blamed for not having the tools to achieve success. Ironically, although I am told “You talk too much,” in my attempt to receive a diagnosis, my voice is silenced simply because I am a woman. By acknowledging and validating the gender differences in children and adults with ADHD, society can move toward a collective community functioning with equality and equity. Let’s unpack the blame rather than being born into it.

jose alcantara contributor

Image: Ilorcraft and echapman via Pixabay, manipulated by Lee Lim

makayla sicat contributor

Getting a proper diagnosis can be a challenge, and gender stereotypes don’t make it any easier

Things are very different when the goal of therapy becomes getting clients out of the door in the shortest time possible.

Image: mohamed_hassan via Pixabay, manipulated by Lee Lim

Last Thursday Academy opens in Saskatchewan

Government Minister can’t stop quoting Miley Cyrus or funding science denialism with tax dollars

josh king news writer

A previously private school in the province, Last Thursday Academy (LTA), recently qualified to receive half the public funding of a public school as a Qualified Independent School.

LTA belongs to a new religious group known as Coditarianism. A local Coditarian pastor explained “we believe in the one and only almighty Cod.” He went on, “and most importantly, we believe Cod created the world in seven hours last Thursday, just like it says in the good book.”

Causing some controversy among Saskatchewan residents is that LTA is not only a Coditarian school that receives public funds, but it also teaches Last Thursdayism, the belief that the world was created last Thursday, in its science classes.

LTA will use an alternative curriculum from Job Bones University (JBU) for its science classes, a contentious university in Newfoundland with radical Coditarian views.

Jack Queen, an expert who studies the Coditarian movement in Canada, says that JBU is quietly “a leader in the Newfie supremacy movement.” Queen continued, “it doesn’t really make sense for Newfies, of all people, to have a supremacy movement. I mean, they’re basically just discounted Irish.” Though, Queen explained this sort of preposterous thing can happen when “people can promote whichever beliefs they want.”

Due to the Newfie supremacist ties of JBU, Queen is also concerned about informally creating segregated Newfie schools, as well as the intolerant material that may be taught behind closed doors.

The president of JBU, Job Bones himself, is famous for having said “you’re hardly even a human until you’ve kissed a cod,”

to the sect represented by JBU believe that to spend eternity with an all-loving Cod, one must first be screeched-in. Job Bones says those who don’t “will be doomed to spend eternity in Davy Jones’ Locker!”

For Queen, this raises concerns about bringing these beliefs into schools. He reasons that

minister of education, replied in his best falsetto “to quote Miley Cyrus, ‘I came in like a wrecking ball.’” Dunkin’ continued, “’All I wanted was to break your walls.’”

referring to the Newfie ritual of kissing a cod so that one can be born again a true Newfie, known as a screech-in. Bones would go on to clarify, “with tongue!” in order to distinguish himself from the Southern Screechists, a separate denomination of Coditarians.

Many Coditarians belonging

it would be cruel for teachers to scare young students under their care into a particular religious belief with threats of Davy Jones’ Locker.

For others, the biggest concern is what the new government funding might mean for the separation between church and state. A concerned local resident said “it seems a lot like favouritism, because nearly all the schools get-

When asked for comment, the NDP education critic replied “well, he has an amazing falsetto.” The critic caveated, though, “if it were me, I would have sung T Swift.”

When asked about their decision, a father who chose to send their child to LTA said “They’re brainwashing our children in the public schools nowadays.” He explained further, “first it was that secular evolution, and then we couldn’t pray to the almighty Cod in class.”

Another mother who also sent her children to LTA said

nowadays.” The parent continued, “Even in the grocery store just the other day, they tried selling my kid Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms with rainbows all over the box.” The parent stated “it just isn’t natural, look at any 1950s film and you’ll see the world is supposed to be entirely black and white.”

really think a place like this could get people with degrees to work here?”

ting this new funding are Coditarian.” She continued, “they let them teach Last Thursdayism as part of science class, too. Your religion shouldn’t exempt you from educational standards.”

When asked about the wall between church and state at a press conference, Dusty Dunkin’, the Saskatchewan Government’s

“Now they’re bringing rainbows into the schools, unbelievable.” She continued, “Back in the good old days, everything was in black and white. Now they’re trying to tell my kid the world is full of colour.” In a huff, she ended “it isn’t in colour if I close my eyes!”

A third parent chimed in, “this colour theory is everywhere

The parents’ concerns vaguely reflected on LTA’s mission statement, part of which claims to “raise up students with traditional Newfie values.”

However, some have accused LTA of hypocrisy. An anonymous Regina resident said that she saw the principal of LTA, Small Johnson, snacking off to Skittles at the local bar. She stated that she could see Johnson “taste the rainbow.”

Rather than require certified teaching staff like most public schools, the ministry of education does not require all teaching staff to be certified at Independent Schools. When asked how the Ministry came up with the policy, Dunkin’ stated “I just closed my eyes and swung.”

Surprisingly, about half of LTA’s teachers are certified. One of these teachers said that they were able to make it through university while still holding onto their belief that the world was created last Thursday by “going into every class with absolute faith that I already knew everything.” The teacher went on, “I have a book written by the creator of the universe, so if I came across something that contradicted it, I just didn’t have to give it any consideration.” They finished, “that’s the kind of attitude I hope to instill in my students, it’s a little something we call ‘faith.’”

Johnson has denied all accusations.

With the influx of new students, and fleeing the alleged brainwashing of evolution and colour theory, LTA has faced a shortage of teachers, resulting in them opting to have uncertified staff teach students. Small Johnson told reporters “Come on, you

As Qualified Independent Schools have been getting more scrutiny lately, rumours have swirled that Dusty Dunkin’ may lose his cabinet position. In a leaked phone call, Dusty Dunkin’ is heard talking with Premier Scatt Joe about potentially being removed from cabinet. Dunkin’ said “all you ever did was wreck me. Yeah, you, you wreck me.”

Queen commented on the overall situation saying “it’s remarkable that schools like LTA could get public dollars, reality really can be stranger than fiction.”

Their worship, the almighty Cod. Image: OpenClipart-Vectors via Pixabay, manipulated by Lee Lim

“It just isn’t natural, look at any 1950s film and you’ll see the world is supposed to be entirely black and white.”

– a mother of children attending Last Thursday Academy

The state of YouTube pranksters

Mazzy Salt in the hot seat for this fuckery debunking

millions of views, which means millions of dollars. After people tried to campaign to get his channel taken down, he said he would

cause of their manager. But, on the same day, they claimed it didn’t happen because of their manager, and they uploaded a

successful prank channel? Who helped a prank channel become successful? And the King family has successfully uploaded several

Do you remember way back in the early 2010s how prank-obsessed YouTube was? Do you remember the days of PrankVSPrank when the pranks were simple, like a hot pepper prank where someone accidentally eats something really spicy, or a flour prank where you dump a bag of flour on someone, or a giant spider?

What happened to those good ol’ days of pranks? Well, I think I know what happened. I think all the prank channels on YouTube are run by one man trying to make as much money as possible: Mazzy Salt.

Mazzy Salt used to be huge in 2014 for his prank videos. Everyone loved him. He made millions. Then, one day he uploaded a video called “Fake Hand Ass Pinch Prank,” and that was the beginning of the end. The video was Mazzy pinching women’s asses as a prank, which he later claimed was a social experiment, but it was too late. Hundreds of thousands of people unsubscribed.

Mazzy tried so hard to come back, but he went too far in his attempts. He uploaded a video called “Killing Best Friend Prank” where he had his two friends fake kidnapped and one of them fake killed. That was the moment Mazzy Salt knew he would never be allowed back on the internet again. But it makes sense that Salt’s motivations are only for money. Prank videos get

if he was given $1.5 million. Don’t believe me? Look no further than the King Family. A few years ago, they tried to launch King University, a program that would teach other YouTubers how to get big. But it never happened. They claimed it was be-

video called “HIDDEN CAMERA IN CAR PRANK LEADS TO REAL BREAKUP” which got over 11 million views. Doesn’t that sound like the work of a man who had a successful prank channel? Doesn’t that sound like someone who would manage another

break-up prank videos, just like how Mazzy Salt’s final video was about him breaking up a friendship.

Need more proof? Don’t worry, I have more proof. Ever heard of DiJion? He went viral after being banned on Twitch

and getting into a feud with very popular woman streamer Digilane after DiJion made sexual jokes about her. Guess who else went viral for making sexual jokes about women which led to people disliking them? Mazzy Salt. The dots… they’re connecting.

Need more proof? Mazzy Salt’s fifth most popular video still online is the “MAILING MYSELF IN A BOX | 24-hour challenge.” DiJion got kicked out of VidCon for trying to sneak in while hidden inside a box, just like Mazzy Salt.

Who else is a mega-millionaire who does pranks? That’s right, the leader of the Vlog Squad, Davey Dobs. And what did Davey Dobs get in trouble recently for doing? Yup, almost killing his best friend, Jeffrey Wotto. Almost like how Mazzy Salt blew up for pretending to kill his friend. What else does Davey Dobs do? He gives cars to people. Where would Davey Dobs get money to give away all these cars, especially before he got big? The answer: Mazzy Salt. Mazzy Salt gave him the money so that he could make it back when he blew up, and he gave him the idea to almost kill his best friend.

I’ve cracked the code of YouTube pranksters. They all link back to Mazzy Salt one way or another. The dots have all been connected. Next time you watch a YouTube prank video, just know you’re putting money in Mazzy Salt’s pocket.