10 minute read
Accepting help
Admitting that you need help is hard, accepting it is harder
When things are hard, we’re always told that we need to talk to those that we’re close to. Lean on the support group around you as they are what will you get you through the hard times. Nobody ever talks about how hard it can be to lean on those people to begin with, though.
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As we take a moment to pause and think about those in our lives that we can depend on, we can recognize that this may look very different for each of us. We may choose to lean on our family, close friends, a significant other, or a combination of people in different roles. Sadly, the leaning is the easy part even if it might not always feel that way.
It is easier to complain about the things that are going wrong in our lives and to have a friendly face to scream into the void about the endless injustices in our world with. But what do we do when that person decides this is something that they can help do something about? That is not something that happens as often as the mutual complaining and can be extremely hard to interact with, especially if it is something that we are not prepared to be offered or don’t know how to accept.
Now this help may present itself in a variety of ways. It may be an offer to drive you somewhere, to loan or just simply give you money to help you through a difficult financial spot or maybe looking into resources and contacts on your behalf. It always appears like the help that is offered in times of crisis and need is always so much harder to accept than the help offered when we are in a more stable, neutral state.
Why is it harder for us to accept help and assistance when we’re in times of crisis and turmoil? That is arguably the time in our lives that we need this help the most, so why can’t we just accept the nice actions of those around?
In my experience, the things that are being offered during these harder times always seem like they are “high stakes” offers compared to the things that are being suggested during other more stable times. It is much easier to accept a $2 coffee because
you forgot your wallet than it is to accept a $100 grocery bill being paid for you because your hours were cut at work. Even though the groceries are the thing that you really need to have to be functional and nourished for the week, it is so much harder to accept that larger offering of assistance. It’s not just the quantity or significance of the help that can make it hard for us to accept this, it is also the timing in which it is being offered. During these times of trial, we are often our own biggest critic. Accepting that others can provide you with the things that you are unable to provide for yourself can be a hit to the ego that many of us are not prepared for when in these situations. It is hard to not feel looked down upon when you are unable to provide for yourself in a way that is needed, meanwhile others are able to offer that like it is nothing.
When we look at situations where help
is being provided, we oftentimes look at it from the perspective of the person who is providing the assistance. The time, energy, or resources that they are using and how good of a person they are because they are providing solutions and assistance to these problems.
We can’t forget to peer over at the person who is receiving the help and take into consideration their thoughts and feelings. It is easy to feel as though we are not worthy of help, and although it is harder in the long run, it oftentimes appears to be easier to try and get through whatever hardships we’re faced with on our own. The acceptance of help comes with the social expectation that you will be able to provide something in return once you have regained your footing, or that you will somehow pass along that gesture to someone else. That amount of pressure alone to undertake that social expectation by accepting assistance yourself can be enough to push people away from it.
Admitting that you need help is never an easy thing, accepting that help and everything that it comes with can be an even greater challenge. As much as we want to grab the world by the horns and take it by storm every day, that is not always in the cards. Even the mighty fall, and sometimes you need someone else to dust you off and straighten your crown before you continue to rise.
Accepting help and admitting defeat are not interchangeable ideas like we often believe. By accepting the generosity and sincerity of those around you, you allow yourself to be placed in a better situation to not only improve your own life but to improve the lives of those around you in return. We cannot pour out of an empty or broken glass; let others glue you together and fill you back up before sending you back out into the world to continue on with your regular day-to-day.
– Sarah Nakonechny
sarah nakonechny
op-ed editor
Danie Franco via Unsplash Stop perceiving me please.
End of semester always increases the risk of neglecting our needs
As the semester comes to an end and the weather cools down, it becomes even harder than usual to keep up with the changing weather and the semester becoming busier. If you are in a funk or state of burn out, then know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, this will not make finals go away, as much as I’d like them to disappear. Thus, I often find myself figuring out how to stay on track and keep on top of things. It is that time of the year where one cannot afford to slack off or fall behind. You blink and suddenly you have four papers, four exams, two presentations, and more. Amidst this all, it is important to find that specific time during the day where your brain can relax and take some time off to recharge. Even if an hour or two is all you have, it is all you need.
When I was new to university, there were times where I had no idea how to navigate university life. I would often find myself accidentally falling asleep in the library in the middle of my study sessions. This was a clear sign of my messed-up sleep schedule. I decided then that I would fix my sleep schedule. A healthy sleep schedule will do magical things to you. It will help you stay on track, be on top of your assignments, and help with time management. Furthermore, it will be hard to do exams when you’re sleep deprived.
When it comes to papers, projects, and assignments, I like to do things in steps. First, I spend a day or two strictly on research. I like to gather all my sources and put them in one file. While doing this, I ensure that I have cited all my sources in the appropriate format for my course. It is easier to cite from the start than at the very end. When I’m reading my sources, I like to take notes on them in a different file and save it. This makes it easier to write my papers. By the time I am done with my research notes, it usually takes me an hour or two to write the actual paper. Research is what takes the longest to complete.
I then edit and proofread. One of the most helpful websites for me has been Grammarly. Trust me, this is not an ad. I always use the free version and it is still helpful and always improves the quality of my paper. Sometimes, when an article is too long, I like to use Wordtune. Essentially, it summarizes your article and tells you
what the most important points are, and is extremely detailed. Of course, I absolutely do not plagiarize the summary, but reading the summary before turning it into my own words is helpful. Sometimes it helps reading things in easier terms as the jargon used can be extremely overwhelming at times. I prefer to use APA citation over MLA. APA follows the order of the author’s surname, initials, the date the paper was published, title of the source, location of the publisher and finally the website it was retrieved from. I have also encountered classes where the Chicago format was used. MyBib is a fantastic website to use that helps with citations of all formats, I highly recommend it to all students.
When it comes to the end of the semester, food is one of the most crucial means of surviving and maintaining your sanity. I love meal prepping throughout the year but especially during finals. I usually prep healthy meals like soups, but I like to leave room for indulging as well since it is easier to get stressed. I am the type of person who forgets to eat when I am busy, so I make reminders to have meals during finals. I
am naturally gifted at cooking thanks to my parents. I love roasting Japanese sweet potatoes (they must be the Japanese sweet potatoes, not the orange ones) and topping it off with a side of salmon or tofu, drizzling some hummus on it and having it with white rice or quinoa on the side for a full meal.
I also love oatmeal. I make mine using steel cut oats because they taste much better than regular oats. I always make my oatmeal with unsweetened vanilla oat milk because it turns out creamier than normal. I like to top mine off with some peanut butter, agave, and frozen berries. StudentRecipes.com has over 4,000 quick and easy recipes tailored to students. When I need some food inspiration, I like scrolling through Recipepuppy.com. It’s a website that allows you to search for recipes based on the ingredients that you already have in your refrigerator.
For organization, I love using Notion. It is a tool that places all your work in exactly one area. It keeps track of your work and even helps you stay focused. Habitica is another website that makes fun games which help you accomplish short term goals by tracking your progress and offering you rewards for your productivity. If you’re a student, I’m sure you have heard of Quizlet. I love using it to help me study for all my classes, and using the free games and flash cards to help me remember certain details.
The most important thing is taking your vitamins. As students, we often forget to take care of ourselves. I always say that the most important relationship that you will ever have been the one that you have with yourself. Your body is valued, and it is important that you nourish it mentally, physically, and emotionally. It is easy to forget that sometimes our bodies need certain nutrients to thrive. Everyone is different which is why it is better to see a doctor so you can know what it is that your body needs.
– Amina Salah
amina salah staff writer
Annie Spratt via Unsplash Self-care on a budget, baby.
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editors: sarah carrier, rooky jegede graphics@carillonregina.com the carillon | dec 2 - jan 12, 2021
