LIFE’S UNDERTAKINGS WHEN DARKNESS is helping with their homework and revisiting my high school education. I am regularly reminded that I remember next to nothing from the days I was young, skinny, cool, and knew absolutely everything. My kids’ impossibly difficult astronomy homework taught me about Winter Solstice. And while astronomy is beyond my brain grade, my children’s high-school poetry projects have shown me, in new and beautiful ways, the heavy burdens humans carry. Each of us is tasked with protecting our inner light from the collective shadow of disappointment, despair and, wait for it, death. What? You forgot poetry was depressing?
BRAD JONES
Owner, Ridley Funeral Home
Winter Solstice is a special time of year, especially for people like me who spend most of their time in the dark. Bear with me, I will explain. For Canadians the December 21st solstice heralds the official beginning of winter, a time when darkness rules. Ancient astronomers viewed the sun as “standing still” (the Latin translation of “solstice”) each time the sky delivered its darkest and longest night of the year. Without Earth’s axial tilt, we would not experience seasons. And as in life, without changing seasons of light and dark, birth and death, we would never balance growth and fear, joy and sorrow, unity and polarity. Despite the assumption that undertakers work full-time in sunless morgue rooms, we actually spend the majority of our time among the bereaved living; men, women and children whose inner light has been diminished by loss. Just as Earth tilts us constantly toward more sunlight or more darkness, the seasons of our lives, and the quality of our lives, are shaped by how much light and darkness we cast into the world. There’s a reason why being called a “ray of sunshine” is a compliment and the moniker “dark cloud” is a popularity thumbs-down. One of the many perks of having so many kids – I have six and yes, my grocery bill is a mortgage –
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“Every man is two men. One is awake in the darkness, the other asleep in the light.” One of my teenagers told me (i.e., grunted at me from behind her phone) that poet Khalil Gibran was reminding us that life’s axial tilts – not getting what we what, disaster striking, our train jumping off track – can either make us better or turn us bitter. Just as all wise parents know, no one truly benefits from being sheltered or spoiled. “Asleep in the light” is living without gratitude or appreciation, falsely believing that darkness will never fall, that a sunny season is eternal, that life is fair, and karma is instant. Nope. Resilience, expansion, empathy, compassion, love: all are character traits that deepen when we suffer in the shadows. As we are forced to crawl back into sunshine, our lives are deeply transformed and blessed with grace and growth. When I look back at some of my life’s greatest moments, they are not exclusively triumphs. Of course, my wife, kids, family and friends are the usual suspects; people have been my long-time sunshine and strength in life. But when I reflect on what really grew me, what ultimately put me on a trajectory toward being a better and kinder man, I remember my mother. Yes, her life shaped me. Yet it was her dying and death that almost broke me. I am not alone in my mid-life conclusion that our darkest, longest, coldest, most painful times eventually tilt us toward a fertile and emotionallyrich future. My mother’s last breath was stretched out over a decade and when that final inhale came, she died knowing I loved her. Mom knew in the marrow of her bones that I would continue to love her until my last breath. Like winter, death looks as if everything is gone.
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