COVER STORY IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY It’s okay to not be okay. Especially in the most uncertain of times. It’s okay to be unsure, experience anxiety or depression, feel isolated, not know what to expect, or not know what to do next. It is certainly okay to feel uninspired. It’s also okay to ask for help. Talisa Haskins, a Registered Psychotherapist based in Flesherton, said the unprecedented version of life everyone on the planet is experiencing makes mental health and wellness more important than ever before. “If there’s one thing that’s certain, it’s that things are uncertain,” she said. Whether it’s directly related to the pandemic, like the loss of a loved one or the loss of health, or a peripheral stressor like employment uncertainty, financial concerns, or social struggles, the impacts are widespread and very real. “Yes, you will always have it better than someone else,” Haskins said. “But that doesn’t mean what you’re feeling isn’t hard. That doesn’t minimize your grief or your experience. It’s your truth.” Haskins has been providing counselling and therapy sessions for clients online, remotely, and from her front patio lockdown permitting - since COVID-19 began. “My job is to validate and hold space for someone to share.” Just like any form of health, Haskins said mental health is a scale that slides from well to unwell. There does not necessarily have to be a problem to want a “checkup” and “check-in” with someone who can listen freely and comfortably to what you’re feeling and provide a safe place to talk about it. “Therapy isn’t just for when you’re sick,” Haskins said. “Healthy body, healthy mind. It’s all a package. There are many aspects to being well.” 16
Even if it’s not entirely broken, it may not be entirely right. Haskins said it’s okay, even encouraged, to check in with one’s mental health before it spirals towards unwellness. “You may not feel hopeless or completely isolated, but the lack of motivation to move forward (exists),” she said. “Where are we going?” “Languishing” in “a state of dormancy; waiting to take (the next steps), waiting to wake up,” is very real. So many of us are waiting to return to some version of a “normal” life. “But when is that coming?” “We’ve moved through stages,” Haskins said. “In the beginning, there were lots of unknowns, lots of stress and fear. What is COVID? What is this illness? Am I going to get it? Is my family safe? No masks? Masks? Wash your hands? Distance? There are so many changes, just thrown at you. We as human beings cannot sustain that traumatic response in our brains. “When someone experiences something traumatic, the natural response is fight or flight or freeze. Our brains are wired to experience that in some kind of adrenaline rush, then get back to normal. That fades away, and we process that and move forward. It’s part of our nervous system’s natural response.” The brain is not designed to sustain the ongoing uncertainty humans have been living in for the past 18 months. “We’re kind of numb to what’s going on, out of a state of coping,” Haskins said. “We can’t take this in anymore. It’s just too much.” The solution? “There isn’t a magic wand, and there’s no magic pill,” Haskins said. “Sometimes it’s just accepting it.” Talking about it helps, too. “That’s why I am here,” Haskins said. “I want to find the people who can’t find me.”
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