August 2021

Interview conducted by Cindy Zhang

Edited by Anvitha Mattapalli, Geethi Takara, & Arushi Patil

Art by Evelyn Chen

Introduction:

Asexuality, as defined by the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN), is a sexual orientation that covers a spectrum of people who do not feel sexual attraction towards others. Currently, asexual individuals make up about 1% of the global population (AVEN).

Asexuality has been famously dubbed “the invisible orientation” from activist Julia Sondra Decker’s book of the same name. The erasure of the “invisible orientation” often stems from societal ideas regarding sexual attraction. As a result, those in the asexual community face discrimination in the healthcare industries, where uneducated medical professionals see their sexuality as a “disorder.” Asexuality may also be incorrectly referred to as “celibacy.” However, celibacy is a choice-- asexuality is an identity.

In a research brief published in October of 2020, the Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health found that “asexual youth reported higher rates of depression and anxiety compared to the overall LGBTQ sample” (The Trevor Project 2020).

The following interview was conducted with an anonymous member of the asexual community and has been edited for length and clarity. Additionally, please note that because asexuality itself is a spectrum and because the community is extremely diverse, no one member of the community can speak for everyone. However, the experiences of each individual are still valid.

Interview:

Q: When discussing asexuality, what do you think are some important terms to know? A: Some important terms to know are aromantic and sex-repulsed. These are important because they help people further specify and distinguish between their personal identities. Someone who is aromantic does not experience romantic attraction. Romantic and sexual attraction are different, so an aromantic person is not necessarily asexual and vice versa. Someone who is sex-repulsed has no desire to have sex. Not everyone on the ace spectrum is sex-repulsed.

Q: What do you wish more people understood about asexuality? A: I wish more people understood that many asexual people are still capable of having romantic relationships and living fulfilling lives. We aren’t “incapable of love.”

Q: What are some common misconceptions about asexuality? Why are they harmful? A: There is a stereotype that asexual people are too young or naive and don’t know enough about sex to know that they’re asexual. This infantilizes asexual people and invalidates their sexuality.

Q: Do you believe that asexuality is adequately represented in pop culture? A: I do not believe asexuality is adequately represented in pop culture because I don’t think I know a single fictional character who is asexual. Also, many asexual artists I know are not often given a lot of attention.

Q: What types of societal changes do you believe we need to see for the asexual community to feel more included? A: Amatonormativity, which is the ingrained assumption that everyone wants to get married to someone of the opposite sex and have kids, etc., is pretty prevalent at a societal level, and it looks down on people who prioritize careers, friendship, or other forms of relationships above romantic ones. Not only is this damaging to asexual people, it is damaging to anyone who deviates from the ‘ideal’. We as a society need to stop placing so much value on romantic/sexual partnerships.

Q: On an individual level, what can people do to be more inclusive of the asexual community? A: People can be more inclusive towards the asexual community by being more aware of asexual history and including them when talking about the LGBTQ+ community. Also, when talking about sex or sexuality, people shouldn’t assume that their conversation partner has or will at some point desire to engage in sexual activity because that may not be the case.

Resources:

For those who are asexual, questioning, family, friends, or allies, the following are some great support resources: The Asexual Visibility & Education Network: https://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/ Aces & Aros: https://acesandaros.org/ Demisexuality Resource Center: http://demisexuality.org/