THE "FIVE THINGS" AND AMERICAN DIALOGUE

Ron Jones Dialogues on Diversity, ron@dialoguesondiversity.com

Historically, in America, we are told there are 5 things that we should never speak about in “polite” public forums: Sex, Money, Politics, Religion, and Race.

Though we speak about these things more now than in any previous generation, the way we do it validates why people were so prudish about not doing so in the past. Because we do not have deep and textured conversations about the things that are fundamental to how we are, we default to the narratives of extremes.

This happens because the majority get to define how the issue is seen and engaged. That is almost never an honest dialogue. One major exception is The Kerner Commission Report of 1968. It dealt with race, politics, and money, and how it all worked to disenfranchise Black people for generations. When it came out, we hardly spoke about it at all. Because we are rarely thoughtful about how we deal with these issues, the narrative of these topics stumbles into extremes.

If you are not straight (Sex), your story can be painted as “perverted”. If you are poor (Money), “laziness” probably has a lot to do with it. If you are not in the political mainstream (Politics), and sometimes if you are, your political beliefs are “radical or un-American”. If yours is not the dominant faith (Religion) of the land, you can fall anywhere on the spectrum from “antichrist” to “terrorist”. And racially…. do I need to even go there? too many are. This happens because whoever represents that dominant group has the power to make these things so. The Straight (Cis), White, Christian, Two-political party, Middle-class have the power to shape the conversation for almost everyone. They also have the power not to address their own faults and shortcomings within the same system. For the first time ever, we are finally acknowledging the danger inherent in not dealing with unchecked dominant power. I will break it down into two categories: White Apathy and White Supremacy.

Before some of you get all twisted about what I just said, let me be clear. WHITE PEOPLE AS A GROUP ARE NOT BAD, EVIL, OR WRONG. The apathy of too many white people enables the supremacy that oppresses non-white people. The same can be said for straight supremacy, class supremacy, and Christian supremacy. It is all built on the dominant narrative.

Because generations past were incentivized to keep it this way, we still struggle with deconstructing it. This is where the millennials have the power to make real change.

I do not expect that “power” as expressed in big systems will just change the way it has operated for so long, but I do believe that “people” can. Caring people. Thoughtful people. All it takes is enough people committed to better dialogue. The only way that can meaningfully happen is when individuals and communities take on a more critical

role in reforming the constructs that govern them. The first step is understanding the intersectional threads that we culturally share that lie just below the big five. We are far more complex than the five things. We are also defined by our age, our family status, our health status, our physical and intellectual abilities, our geography, and a host of other things that make up the beautiful complication known as you. Use this idea to complicate yourself so you can then complicate others. This is what will transform the way we speak about issues.

You are incredibly powerful. If you look at history, you will see that change happened when the dominant groups listened to the non-dominant groups' stories of real pain.

This may sound controversial to some, but history and logic have consistently born this out. • Slaves did not vote for their emancipation. • Women did not give themselves the right to vote. • Children did not make it illegal to work below a certain age.

Those are just a few examples of how we as Americans gave a bigger slice of dignity to those denied it in an earlier time. It came from an understanding that we could be better. We must all take responsibility of the whole of our human shortcomings.

The fact that it took as long as it did to deal with these and other indignities of the spirit spoke more to the character of the dominant group than it ever could to those they oppressed. Power will rationalize itself simply because it has the power to do so.

We will go through a predictable series of steps that are designed to soften morality and dilute conscience:

1. We are, first, creatures of comfort. When we have the power to do so, we often do not challenge what would take us out of our comfort zone. 2. The majority (or dominant culture) bends the world to its will. Why? See number 1. 3. We are, more than anything else our story (Narrative). True or false. Right or wrong. Our stories frame our reality. 4. The dominant narrative is usually the narrative of privilege. All privilege comes with a cost. 5. Our narratives are intermingled, dirty, and complicated. Those complications do not serve power or privilege, so we simplify. 6. Our inability to hear and understand the range of non-dominant narratives will make us more emotionally and intellectually fragile and calcified as a society over time. This will come with a great cost.

It will be impossible to fix ANY of our societal problems until we start to realize this about ourselves first and then expand that humbling truth into the way we move through the world. The phrase "Speak Truth to Power" is where all conversations about the five things should start. Complicated. Honest. Humbling. Activating.

It will take some soul searching. It will take some unlearning. It will take some uncomfortable conversation. It will take time.

To be a better world: • See the diversity in self, so that you can see it in others. • Acknowledge the blessings and traps of your privilege and act accordingly. • Understand who needs your blessings and do what you can do.

This will elevate your dialogue. It will give you a fresh perspective on the critical part of you. It will make you stronger.