December 2015 | Richmond Parents Monthly by The Beacon Newspapers

Parents’ First Choice For 25 Years!

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Parents’ First Choice For 25 Years!

From the Editor

contents DECEMBER 2015

by Greg Weatherford

Anyone who’s spent Christmas in the tropics knows how disorienting it can be. Santa wears shorts. The reindeer look, shall we say, out of place. And who has a fireplace mantel for stockings? Not us, at least when we were growing up in Africa and Brazil with my parents, both Foreign Service administrators. We hung our regulation-issue Christmas stockings over a window sill instead. We went to the beach on Christmas Eve one year when we lived in Rio de Janeiro. We lived in a building a short stroll away, so the beach was no novelty for us — we could see it from our apartment windows. But this night felt different. I was just 12 then, but I was a close observer: I remember a pale moon in the night sky. The sand was still warm from the day’s sun. Waves crashed and hissed, almost drowning the sound of cars and buses roaring past. People were walking hand in hand along the waterside. My mother took one hand, my father the other. They hadn’t done that since I was a little boy. Normally I would have been insulted but on this night for some reason it soothed me. My mother hummed Christmas carols as we walked. My older brother scurried ahead, excited to be out at night — Rio wasn’t a safe place for a teenager after dark, so this was a novelty for him as well. But I was happy to be with my parents on Christmas Eve. The night and the city had hushed under the spell of the ocean. I looked out over the water, dark as the dark sky above it, and it seemed to go on forever.

Gardening

Choosing the right Christmas tree.

Children of All Ages

Growing Up Online

Manners Magic

Let’s Go!

He was afraid to talk until animals showed him the way.

When Google isn’t enough.

Proper behavior for tots, teens and in-betweens.

What to do and where to go.

On the Cover: Jim and Avis Lavender. Photo by AmberLynn Taber.

Volume 25, No. 12, DECEMBER 2015

Founder/Publisher: Mark E. Fetter mfetter@richmondpublishing.com Editor: Greg Weatherford rpmeditor@richmondpublishing.com Art Director: Jennifer Sutton jsutton@richmondpublishing.com Contributing Writers: Lela Martin, Carolyn Jabs, Greg Weatherford

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Editorial Mission: Richmond Parents Monthly is dedicated to providing parents and professionals with the best information and resources available to enhance all aspects of parenting and family life. It is also an avenue to facilitate a shared sense of community among parents by providing useful information, support and a forum for dialogue on issues that are important to all parents and families. Richmond Parents Monthly is published 12 times a year and distributed free of charge. The advertising deadline is the 10th of each month for the upcoming issue. Richmond Parents Monthly welcomes reader comments and submissions; however, the publication is not responsible for unsolicited materials. All materials received become the property of the publisher and will not be returned. We reserve the right to edit any material used for publication. The entire content of Richmond Parents Monthly is ©2015. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written consent of the publisher. The views and opinions expressed by writers and columnists do not necessarily represent those of Richmond Parents Monthly or its staff.

How to reach us Richmond Parents Monthly 8010 Ridge Rd, Suite F Henrico, VA 23229 PH: 804-673-5203 FX: 804-673-5308 mail@richmondpublishing.com

How to advertise with us Contact our Publisher mfetter@richmondpublishing.com

Every month, an average of 75,000 readers enjoy Richmond Parents Monthly which is distributed in over 425 locations throughout the metro area. These locations include all CVS stores, McDonald’s, Kroger stores, medical centers, retail outlets, museums, and bookstores as well as many public libraries. Richmond Parents Monthly is regularly advertised on television. This creates a demand for the magazine and increases visibility and reader recall. Richmond Parents Monthly is also represented at numerous community events throughout the year.

RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 5

Gardening GO NATURAL: THIS CHRISTMAS CHOOSE OR CUT YOUR OWN by Lela Martin netting, and twine. Most do not allow chainsaws. Some farms allow you to pre-tag (i.e., pre-select) trees. Cutting the tree is easiest as a two-person project. The cutter usually lies on the ground while the helper holds the bottom branches up. While the cut is being made, the helper should gently tug on the tree to ensure that the kerf (i.e., slit the saw makes) remains open for sawing ease. The helper should continue to gently pull on the tree opposite the cut.

CARING FOR CUT TREES

njoy the scent and beautiful appearance of a fresh-cut or live tree this Christmas. Although allergies or special circumstances may restrict you to an artificial tree, selecting a real tree can become a wonderful holiday tradition. There are several species of conifers that make great Christmas trees. In addition to your personal preferences of a treeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shape, structure, and needle-length, you may want to compare these other characteristics before choosing the right evergreen for your family. Price is another consideration. Pines may be less expensive because they are faster growers than firs and spruces. Oversized trees typically command a premium. There are several options for purchasing your tree.

TREE FROM A TREE LOT

Trees sold on retail lots may have

come from the other side of the country or Canada. In the Richmond area, 85 percent of the trees for sale were grown out of state. Hence, they may have been cut weeks earlier and exposed to drying winds in transit. Trees from afar are not necessarily of poor quality however. Buy trees early before the best trees have been sold and where trees are shaded. You might ask the retailer where and when the trees were cut. Many species are grown here in Virginia. A fresh tree will have a healthy green appearance with few browning needles. The outer branches should be flexible and the needles should not fall off when you run a branch through your hand. Raise the tree a few inches off the ground and drop it on the cut end. Although it is normal for a few inner brown needles to drop, very few green needles should drop off. Make sure that you

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have at least 5 to 6 inches of trunk to fit into the stand. My family takes our stand with us when we select a tree. At the lot or as soon as you get a pre-cut tree home, make a fresh straight cut 1 inch across the base of the trunk.

For both pre-cut and freshly cut trees, place your tree in a bucket of room-temperature water. If you are not putting the tree up right away, store it in an unheated garage or some other area out of the wind and cold (freezing) temperatures. When you decide to bring the tree indoors, make another fresh one inch cut and place the tree in a sturdy stand that holds at least one gallon of water. A tree may take up a gallon of water a day for the first few days after it is placed in water. Do not place the tree near a source of heat. Be sure to keep the water level above the bottom of the tree. If the base dries out, resin will form over

CUT-YOUR-OWN TREE AT A TREE FARM

Note: Do not cut a tree on public lands or private property without permission. There may also be neighborhood restrictions that prevent cutting a tree on your own property. You can find a list of Virginia tree farms at www.virginiachristmastrees.org. Bring gloves and the camera. (A tape measure will be helpful too as the great outdoors dwarfs even large trees! When I lived in apartment years ago, I selected a tree that took up onethird of the living area.) Most tree farms provide the saw,

Photo taken by Lela Martin.

(continued on page 10)

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RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 7

“Go Natural” continued from page 6 the cut end; the tree will not be able to absorb water and will dry out quickly. Commercially prepared mixes, aspirin, sugar, or other additives added to the water are not necessary. Research has shown that plain water will keep a tree fresh. To make watering easier once a tree is decorated with a tree skirt and surrounded by gifts, try this technique. At a hardware store, buy a funnel and a three to four foot length of vinyl tubing to slip over the funnel outlet. Fasten the funnel and tube with twist-ties or twine in an out-of-the-way but reachable part of the tree. Extend the tubing down the tree trunk and into the tree stand reservoir. Now you can water the tree through the funnel without bending over or disturbing the decorated tree.

BALLED TREE

AND

BURLAPPED

At the garden center, test the tree for freshness and ask where the tree was grown and when it was dug. Recently dug local trees will probably adjust better. Take special care in transport-

ing the tree to your home. The wind and sun can be brutal depending on weather conditions. Store the tree in an unheated, sheltered area such as a garage or porch, out of the wind and sun. Do not expose the tree to freezing temperatures at any time. Keep the rootball or soil slightly damp. Wrap the rootball of a balled tree in plastic sheeting or place it in a tub or bucket while it is in the house. Live trees should be inside the house for no more than one week. Live trees may be decorated, but with care. If lights are used, they must not give off heat. My family once kept a live tree in the house a little too long; I have memories of removing the heavy tree with my mother as brown needles fell into her bouffant hairdo! If the weather is good, dig the hole for the tree once you bring it home and know the size of its rootball. The hole should be twice the width of the rootball and the same depth. Mulch over the hole to prevent the ground from freezing. After Christmas move the tree to a sheltered area first for several days. Plant the tree if the ground is unfrozen. Remove metal and plastic strapping. It is

not necessary to remove the natural burlap, which will disintegrate over time. Be careful with the root system. Earth removed from the original hole should be backfilled around the rootball. Mulch three inches thick over the top of the planted rootball to prevent it from freezing, taking care that the mulch does not touch the trunk itself. Water as needed.

HOW TO DISPOSE OF YOUR NATURAL TREE After Christmas, rather than include your tree in the landfill, consider other possibilities: •Burn small branches in the fireplace for the fragrance. •Leave the tree outside for birds and animals to enjoy. •Grind it for mulch. Save the mulch to use in the spring. •If you have a pond, provide a fish habitat by weighting down several trees. •Recycle it. Watch for notices about collection opportunities in the metro Richmond area after the holidays.

Lela Martin is a Master Gardener with the Chesterfield County office of the Virginia Cooperative Extension.

Note: Special thanks to Olde Church Christmas Tree Farm in Powhatan for allowing me to visit to take photographs. For more information, contact www.oldechurchtreefarm.com.

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RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 9

Children of All Ages

HE WAS AFRAID TO TALK UNTIL ANIMALS SHOWED HIM THE WAY

by Greg Weatherford

tep right up, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, and see a wonder of the age! A marvel! See the lad there, the little boy? He doesn’t talk, not really, not to anyone. Never has. When someone asks him a question his mind races, his heart skips and skitters and his tongue tangles up and refuses to sound. He can talk, he just chooses not to. He is shy to the point of pathology. We’re in Mississippi. It’s the 1950s, in a small town where young Jimmy Lavender and his older sister are being raised by their parents. It’s a storybook life, he’d tell you if he could talk. They go fishing. They go to church. His parents own a candy store, for goodness sakes, and know people who work at the fairgrounds. But he won’t talk. He won’t learn. These days we’d say he was dyslexic. We’d say he had ADHD. We’d say he was on the autism spectrum. In those days they shook their heads and wondered what would become of him. He failed first grade. Couldn’t read, couldn’t write, wouldn’t talk. That’s when the first miracle happens. His first grade teacher, who is was his Sunday-school teacher, brings a hen to school. The children admire it and its clutch of eggs. What’s that? she asks little Jimmy Lavender kindly, pointing to the

chicken. She takes him aside and hands him a pen. Here, spell it out. H-E-N. Like this. See? He struggles with the pen, with the maddening, angular letters that seem to squirm on the paper. But the chicken fascinates him. And he wants to please his teacher. Finally, he scratches out the letters. H-E-N. Does she smile at him? She must have. Little Jimmy Lavender had written a word! A small word, a small miracle. But a miracle nonetheless, and they both know it. Look now. He’s a teenager, a big kid, strapping really. He’s doing better in classes, thanks in large part to that same teacher — it’s a small town, she still teaches him. It turns out he has a mind like a trap for words, though their meanings sometimes evade him. He can memorize anything, it seems. He can relay the fact that every cell has a semipermeable endoplasmic reticulum but not quite fathom what this means. This is enough to do decently in school, though he still struggles. But still he won’t speak to people. Racing mind, pounding heart, tangled tongue. Still afraid people will laugh at him. He’s not from a wealthy family. His clothes aren’t fashionable; his house has no columns. He spends time hunting possum and raccoons, not riding horses. There are good times. In the af-

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ternoons he walks to the candy store and sits on a rickety four-legged stool with his father and uncle and another guy, and they’ll divide a Moon Pie into four parts, equal shares for everyone, even young Jimmy Lavender who barely talks. This is one way he learns about fairness and equity. One day in eighth grade a football coach stops him in the halls. Hey, kid, the coach says. You’re a big guy, you should be on the team. Be at football practice this afternoon. Jimmy Lavender stammers out that he can’t, he just can’t, he’s got practice, I mean, I mean ... band practice. The coach can barely control his contempt. This is Mississippi, after all, in the 1960s. Band practice? Ridiculous. He tells Lavender to be on the field. It is not a request. Lavender shows up at football practice, not having a choice. The coach tells him to go out for a pass. Lavender runs. He’s never done this before. It’s not even close. The ball hits the grass. The coach is furious. Maybe he thinks the boy is lazy, or unmotivated, or insufficiently respectful of the church of football. Whatever the reason, the coach snatches up a plywood board and smashes Lavender with it — one time, another time, a third. Hard enough that Lavender can barely stand up. He staggers away. He goes back

to band practice from then on. No more football. This is one way he learns about injustice and cruelty. It’s a few years later, and he’s taller, a young man. But what’s he doing? He’s standing on an upturned trash can behind the house. He’s waving his arms dramatically and ... he is talking. No — he’s announcing. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages ... Jimmy Lavender may be standing on an upturned trashcan in his backyard. But in his heart he is surrounded by a panoply of animals — elephants festooned with feathers, sway-hipped camels, high-stepping horses. In his heart clowns are bumbling, acrobats are somersaulting through the air, crowds are gasping in astonishment, and he is the center of it all. In his heart, it turns out, Jimmy Lavender is a circus ringmaster. Secretly, it is all he has ever wanted to be. And here, alone, with no one watching in judgment, he is. When he is 18, he applies for work at a carnival, running a merry-goround at the fairgrounds. He loves it. Loves the carnival, the sound of it, the action. There are other jobs like this. He wants them because they offer a path to the circus. In those days in Arkansas, a brief drive away, there was a $35 million theme park based on the “Li’l Ab-

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“Children of All Ages” continued from page 10 ner” comic strip about a cheerful rube and his bombshell girlfriend, created and drawn by a man named Al Capp. Jim Lavender desperately wanted to work there. His father drove him to the park to audition for Mr. Capp. Capp, a famously irascible cartooning genius from Connecticut, eyed the tall, bigshouldered kid and handed him a script. “Read this,” Capp said. “I don’t think I can,” Jim Lavender stammered, still not being much of a reader. Capp nodded. “You’re fine. Sign the contract.” So they fitted him with fake hillbilly overalls and a towering pompadour and called him Li’l Abner and put him in a musical show. He didn’t have to do much, but as part of the act he hoisted to his shoulders a series of pretty young women dressed as Li’l Abner’s bombshell girlfriend, Daisy Mae. One day soon after he started he got a real lesson. He was lifting one of the Daisy Maes when his fake hillbilly overalls split and fell right off. The crowd reacted with surprise and amusement. But for Lavender the big shock was that he survived. In fact, he thought it was kind of funny. After that he was never afraid of people. He talked to everybody from then on. People loved Dogpatch USA and the real-life Li’l Abner. He was a sort of celebrity. For a while in the early 1970s he and the girl playing Daisy Mae were the third-most photographed couple in the United States, right after President and Mrs. Nixon and Mickey and Minnie Mouse. No longer afraid to talk, he took to talking with gusto. He started booking jobs as an announcer for concerts, introducing Tina Turner, for example. This led to gigs being a ringmaster for various traveling circuses, filling in. It was good work, and he liked circus people. He wanted to do this forever. Turns out that among the men who used to hang out at Pearson’s Gas Station was “Colonel” Tom Parker, better known as Elvis Presley’s manager but a circus man by trade. Parker got Lavender in touch with circus magnate Irvin Feld, manager of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey. Again and again, Lavender called Feld and begged for a chance to be a ringmaster. The word came back: no. Not yet anyway.

Then things really changed. He and a girlfriend were driving back from a photo shoot for Southern Living magazine when Lavender felt a powerful urge to stop the car. He got out, still dressed in his Li’l Abner overalls with no shirt and no shoes. While standing in a field a voice sounded inside his head. He says now that it told him, “I expect you to preach the gospel in the Methodist church.” He found this strange. He’d never heard voices before, true, but the real surprise was the part about being a Methodist. Still, he’d heard the voice, clear as anything, and decided he needed to listen. He told his parents, who were skeptical. Lavender acknowledges now that this may have been in part because he had a tame raccoon riding on his shoulder. He managed to get into the University of Mississippi, to almost everyone’s surprise including his own, where he studied psychology. While there he met a young woman from Phenix, Virginia, named Avis, whom he in time married. Her name means “bird.” He went on to get a divinity degree from Duke. Soon the Methodist Church sent him to a church in Franklin County, Virginia. After a time he received a call from the bishop: He was to go to suburban Richmond and build a church on the grounds of a former coal mine. Ten minutes after that call, the phone rang again. It was Irvin Feld, the circus magnate, calling at last. “We’d like you to be a career ring-

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master,” Lavender recalls Feld telling him. All these years later, the memory still seems fresh. “I said, ‘No, I can’t, Mr. Feld. If you had called earlier, I would have. And there’s nothing I’d love more. But I can’t.’ ” Gossip travels fast in the circus business, and the tale of the upstart kid who turned down the nation’s top ringmaster job because he wanted to build a church was too good to keep quiet. Circus people started sending Lavender animals that were too old or otherwise unfit for circus work. As a longtime show-business man, Lavender knew a gimmick when one arose. He began using the animals in his sermons, particularly to kids, as examples and symbols of God’s message. He created a home and an animal-keeping facility on their 17 acres in Mineral, almost an hour outside of Richmond. He drew on his circus friends’ advice and help in training and keeping animals. Take Bubba the lion, whom Lavender taught to lie with a lamb — one look at him and kids understood Lavender’s message of peaceful coexistence. (Lavender made sure Bubba was too stuffed with sirloin to care about lambs). Or the giant rat Lavender used to teach kids how namecalling can be hurtful. Or Rowdy, a black leopard from Alabama who had inadvertently killed her owner — the Lavenders took Rowdy in to keep him from being put to death (with the understanding that the animal would never be unpenned with a human), a living example of mercy until he died of old age. Decades have passed. Lavender leads a thriving church, Discovery United Methodist on Lauderdale Drive in the West End, where Avis is director of music. On special days they pack up Sudan the lion or Pock-

ets the red kangaroo and bring them to church — inside cages, of course — to enthrall young parishioners. Naturally, the church’s annual nativity pageant is a showstopper. He and Avis had a son and a daughter, both now grown, and three young grandchildren. They’ve fostered a kangaroo, camels, alpacas, tigers, lions, a donkey, scores of chickens, cougars, dozens of ducks, a 500-pound alligator, and an escape-prone pig named Dash. They kept a bear for a while; one day Lavender didn’t sedate her enough while doing an inspection and she almost took his arm off. The bear is riding bicycles in a circus now, and Lavender has no feeling on one side of his arm. Lavender kept some wolves for a time but they needed more room and moved to a wildlife sanctuary. Lavender and his wife have taken their menageries to 28 states and figure they’ve shared the word of God through them to almost 2 million children. They brought animals to Oklahoma City after the horrible bombing, to comfort children there. They’ve built a home, a farm, a church and a life around faith and animals and the belief that animals can teach children important lessons. Big lessons, like being kind and brave and good. But small ones too. Like how a kind teacher could see a little boy who was terrified and tongue-tied, and use an animal to help the boy spell out the three little letters — H-E-N — of a word. Like how a word can open a heart and a life to the world. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen. Show’s about to start.

RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 11

Growing Up Online WHEN GOOGLE WON’T DO by Carolyn Jabs PHOTO CREDIT: (c) www.mashable.com

ANSWER

If you have a child who asks a lot of questions, you need to know about Ask.com. The search engine was designed to respond to “natural language”, so you can type in a question like “Why is the sky blue?” and you’ll get quick, authoritative answers.

WHEN YOU WANT A DIFFERENT SPIN

earching is a basic skill that every adult — and child — needs to master. Everything you might want to know — and some things that are pretty dubious — can be found online, but you have to be able to locate what you need when you need it. Google, of course, dominates the field so completely that googling is synonymous with searching. That dominance worries some people including the Federal Trade Commission, whose staffers prepared an internal report about how Google search favors Google services over services provided by competitors. Google also depends upon a proprietary algorithm, or set of rules about searching. Google shares some of what it is doing behind the scenes on its own website. (Search for “how search works” on the Google website.) Still, critics point out that there are inevitably assumptions and biases into the search process. Some of these assumptions work to the advantage of parents. You really don’t want adult material to show up, not even when your child searches for an innocent word that has a double meaning. On the other hand, Google also makes assumptions about what information is reliable based in part on how often other sites link to it. This can make popular sites seem more reputable than they really are. Google is also vulnerable to Search Engine Optimization, an en-

tire industry built around trying to get material from clients to show up on the first page of a Google search. People who use SEO are skilled with keywords, metatags and other identifiers that Google uses to decide which of all the millions of websites will be most relevant to you after a specific search. Finally, Google customizes search results based on what you’ve searched for in the past. That means there’s nothing “objective” about Google results. You and your neighbor can search for the same term but come up with different results if previous searches show that you have different opinions and preferences. None of this means that families should abandon Google or the many websites where search is powered by Google. At the same time, it’s good to be aware of alternatives that may be preferable under specific circumstances.

WHEN CHILDREN ARE YOUNG

Elementary age children who are just beginning to search are likely to be confused and overwhelmed by what they find on Google. Kidclicks. org produces a limited number of results, vetted by librarians. Each item is ranked by reading level, so it’s easier to pinpoint the material that will be useful to a child who is trying to master the intricacies of tornados or dinosaurs.

WHEN YOU WANT A SIMPLE

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The Bing search engine, designed by Microsoft, uses its own proprietary algorithms so the results are a little different. Comparing the harvest on Bing and Google can be illuminating, especially for controversial topics. Bing also sweetens the pot with a rewards program that allows users to earn points that can be redeemed on websites like Amazon and Fandango.

WHEN YOU WANT PRIVACY

Google keeps track of searches, so it’s database includes information about everything from your health issues to your purchasing preferences. If you’d rather keep your search history private, you can use duckduckgo.com or ixquick.com. Both websites promise that they won’t record anything about you or your searches.

WHEN YOU WANT JUST THE FACTS

Wolframalpha.com indexes nothing but verifiable information about math, science, history and other topics. This makes it an especially good source for students who are trying to to get their facts straight.

WHEN YOU WANT TO DO GOOD

HEALTH INFORMATION

Looking for health information on Google can be contradictory and even scary. For the kind of researchbased information you’d get from your family physician, turn to curated medical sites like Medline Plus (nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus) which is managed by the National Library of Medicine or Kidshealth.org which has been providing family-friendly health information for over 20 years.

WHEN YOU WANT CONTEXT

Yippy.com collects information from a variety of other search engines and quickly files what it finds into folders that appear on the left hand side of the screen. Sometimes seeing sub-categories for your topic makes it easier to zero in on the information you need.

WHEN YOU WANT THE HUMAN TOUCH

DMOZ.org is a directory of the Web, developed and maintained by an enormous network of volunteers. It won’t return millions of results, but each site has been reviewed by a person instead of a robot. No matter what search engine you or your kids use, you’ll get better results if you follow a few simple rules: Put words that go together in quotes. Link words that are equally important with AND. Use a plus sign (+) to indicate words that are crucial to your search and a minus sign (-) to rule out words that aren’t relevant. Most of all, teach your kids that what they find online is only as good as its source. Kids who can think critically as they search will have a huge advantage in a world awash in information.

Goodsearch.org is powered by Yahoo which is now owned by Bing, so it won’t return different results. It will, however, donate a penny to the cause of your choice every time you or your kids use it.

Carolyn Jabs, M.A., raised three computer-savvy kids including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for ten years and is working on a book about constructive responses to conflict. Visit www.growing-up-online. WHEN YOU WANT RELIABLE com to read other columns. WWW.RICHMONDPARENTS.COM

Custom Homes • Additions Renovations • Remodeling

Victory Christian Academy Teaching and Learning Without Compromising the Word of God est. 1985

(804) 262-8256

35 Years In Operation

●

www.vca-edu.org

Community Service In 2015 over 1,500 volunteer hours

Average National Percentile Rank for VCA Students in:

High School are 86% Middle School are 86% Elementary are 88% HIGHER than the National Norm Group in Reading, Language & Math

2015-Seniors received over $580,000 in academic scholarships (there are 11 students in the class)

Victory Christian Academy 8491 Chamberlayne Road Richmond, VA 23227

WWW.RICHMONDPARENTS.COM

804-651-4078 RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 13

Manner Magic HOLIDAY ETIQUETTE FOR TOTS, TEENS, AND IN-BETWEENS by Malia Jacobson

PHOTO CREDIT: (c) www.toledoparent.com

an especially nice touch, follow up a sleepover or a special play date with a personal thank-you note from the child.

lready dreading the thought of taking your rambunctious brood to Grandma’s for a holiday meal? Most parents know that manners don’t come naturally to children, and though we strive to teach children niceties like “please” and “thank you,” etiquette doesn’t begin and end with the magic words. What about the tot who squirms at the dinner table and jumps up after two minutes? What about the grade-schooler who runs wild at friends’ homes? Or how about the high-schooler who shrinks during introductions? If you’re raising a manners-challenged child, you’re not alone. Childhood manners mishaps are as common as children themselves, says Chris J. Rock, etiquette coach and founder of Etiquette and Protocol Consulting in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The good news: Youth is a time to learn and practice appropriate behavior, and mistakes are expected. Even better, swift etiquette intervention can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of civility. TODDLER/PRESCHOOL: Table Training The golden rule—treat others as you’d like to be treated — is the ba-

sis of all etiquette, says Rock. So how soon should parents start teaching children manners? “You can’t start them too young,” she notes. “There is no certain age when the magic begins.” That means establishing family behavior norms early on. If you don’t want your children to run indoors, traipse through airplane rows, or jump on furniture, correct these behaviors in toddlerhood with a firm, gentle reminder: “That is not how we act in this family. It doesn’t matter what other children do.” Toddlers have notoriously short memories, so catchy songs can help etiquette lessons stick, says Rock. “We sing ‘Yes is better than yeah’ with our grandchildren,” she says. Table manners training can also start early. Rock recommends introducing flatware as soon as children can hold it (often in late infancy or early toddlerhood), discouraging eating with the hands, and gently stretching the time tots can sit still during meals. Start with just four

14 u RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015

or five minutes, and build to 15 or 20. Children as young as two can be taught to ask their hosts — in most cases, mom or dad—to be excused from the table when finished. ELEMENTARY YEARS: Social Graces The grade-school years bring more friend visits and sleepovers — potential manners minefields, since kids will be away from parents’ watchful eyes. Teaching children to be a respectful guest in friends’ homes will ramp up confidence at a time when children are developing a social identity (and increase the odds of receiving a repeat invitation). Pre-playdate, remind children that being a guest means respecting the household rules of their host. If the host family removes their shoes at the door or doesn’t allow snacking in bedrooms, a guest should comply. To show respect, ask children to address their friend’s parents as “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” unless directed by the parents to do otherwise. And for

TWEENS/TEENS: Introduction Anxiety Want your tween or teen to make a good impression, during the holidays and year-round? Teach them to make a proper introduction, a habit that pays lifelong dividends. To start, insist that children learn to introduce themselves with confidence and greet new acquaintances with eye contact and a firm handshake. “Today’s teens are typically more comfortable interacting with technology than they are face-to-face. And yet, those who master the ability to meet and greet others with ease will always be viewed more favorably,” notes Deborah King, president of Final Touch Finishing School in Seattle. The basics of a positive introduction include standing up straight, making eye contact, smiling, saying hello and your name in a clear voice, and extending a firm handshake. Like any skill, repetition is the key to mastery. “It’s important for parents to know introduction protocol themselves to they can model correctly,” says Rock. For example, when introducing two parties, the senior or more important person’s name is said first. Likewise, when introducing two friends, use equal terms for both; never use first and last name for one and just first name for the other. Polish introduction prowess by encouraging tweens and teens to introduce you and others at social gatherings and in group settings. Soon, they’ll be ready to take on the world — civilly, of course.

Malia Jacobson is an award-winning health and parenting journalist and mom of three. Her latest book is “Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.” WWW.RICHMONDPARENTS.COM

Your Picture Perfect Summer Starts Here! TIMBER RIDGE CAMP OPEN HOUSE

International speaker, trainer, and research leader in Interventional Spine Care. Join us at the Kubin’s home for a Timber Ridge information session. Refreshments will be served while you find out what camp is like, get answers to all of your questions and meet Jill Goden, the owner, along with some current camp families. With over 40 different activities, Timber Ridge offer something for everyone! Sunday, December 13th from 1:00-3:00pm 9137 Penny Bridge Ct. Midlothian, VA 23112

800-258-2267

For more information or to RSVP contact us at: www.trcamps.com trcamps@aol.com

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DRIVE WITH PIECE OF MIND BECAUSE WE’RE HERE TO PROTECT YOU.

Conner Brothers Repairs Done Right

RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 15

December

2015

CONTINUING

Krinitz” is an exhibit of her work. Free. Through Jan. 7 at the Sara D. November Gallery of the Weinstein JCC, 5403 Monument Ave. Info: weinsteinjcc.org.

THURSDAY, DEC.. 3 Take Thyme for Women’s Health Dinner and Silent Auction KESWICK HALL & GOLF CLUB

“Forever Plaid: Plaid Tidings” SWIFT CREEK MILL THEATRE

“Forever Plaid: Plaid Tidings” brings the popular quartet back for holiday hits and good cheer. Through Jan. 9. $38-$55. Swift Creek Mill Theatre, 17401 Jefferson Davis Highway. Info, tickets: (804) 748-5203 or swiftcreekmill.com.

Take Thyme for Women’s Health Dinner and Silent Auction raises funds for Women’s Health Virginia. It features a meal created by four chefs, each taking on a course. Advance registration required. 6:30-10 p.m., Keswick Hall & Golf Club, 701 Club Drive, Charlottesville. Info: info@womenshealthvirginia.org or (804)2204500.

Skating Rink

6TH AND BROAD STREETS

BEACON THEATRE

“Merry Christmas Darling” brings the songs of the Carpenters to the holidays with Michelle Berting Brett. $20 and up. Beacon Theatre, 401 N. Main St., Hopewell. Info: (804)446-3457 or thebeacontheatreva.com.

Holiday Tours

SARA D. NOVEMBER GALLERY OF THE WEINSTEIN JCC

At age 15, Esther Krinitz disobeyed Nazi orders to report to a train station for “relocation,” fleeing with her younger sister to work with Polish farmers. In 1977, trained as a dressmaker, she began making art out of cloth. “Art and Remembrance: Images of the Art of Esther Nisenthal

Irish ensemble Danu celebrates the season with “Feile Na Nollag (A Christmas Gathering),” a performance of dance and music with traditional flute, percussion, button accordion and voice. $18 (children)-$36. 7:30 p.m. Modlin Center for the Arts, University of Richmond. Info: modlin.richmond.edu.

“Merry Christmas Darling”

Downtown cools down with a skating rink open to the public. Skates available for rental. $5, children 5 and under $3. Season passes $25. Hours vary daily; check online schedule. Through Jan. 3. At 6th and Broad streets. Info: www.rvaonice. net or 592-3400.

Art and Remembrance

MODLIN CENTER FOR THE ARTS

Chesterfield Historical Society’s “Christmas at Downtown Abbey, 1920”-themed open house at Historic Magnolia Grange House Museum features docents dressed as characters, a Santa visit, refreshments, more. 1-4 p.m., 10020 Iron Bridge Road. Info: chesterfieldhistory.com or (804) 796-7121.

Half a million lights twinkle at Lewis Ginter Botanical Gardens’ annual GardenFest of Lights. This year’s theme, “H2Whoa,” explores water in all its varieties. $12 adults, $8 children. Through Jan. 11. Info: www.lewisginter.org or 262-9887.

Holiday Tours at Maymont Mansion offers a Gilded Age mansion decorated in the era’s holday splendor, while the household help prepares for a Christmas feast. Through Jan. 3. $5 suggested admission. Info: (804) 358-7166, ext. 329.

Irish ensemble Danu

HISTORIC MAGNOLIA GRANGE HOUSE MUSEUM

LEWIS GINTER BOTANICAL GARDEN

“Holiday Memories” GRACE STREET THEATRE

The brilliant writer Truman Capote thought his best short fiction drew on his memories of childhood. Quill Theatre’s “Holiday Memories,” opening Dec. 3, adapts these stories to create a seasonal tale of family, love and giving. Through Dec. 26. $15-30. Grace Street Theatre, 934 W. Grace St. Info, tickets: quilltheatre.org or (804) 340-0115.

FRIDAY, DEC. 4 Deck the Halls Workshop MAYMONT

Deck the Halls Workshop demonstrates how to

16 u RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015

stories. $20/$18 members. 2 p.m. The National Museum of the Civil War, 6125 Boydton Plank Road, Petersburg. Info, reservations: (804) 861-2408.

SATURDAY, DEC. 5

Chesterfield Historical Society’s Open House

GardenFest of Lights

MAYMONT MANSION

create wreaths, swag and decorate with greens with advice and teaching from Maymont’s experts. Bring clippers and gloves; other materials provided. 6-8 p.m., Maymont, 1700 Hampton St. $45/$37 members. Register by Dec. 2 at maymont.org. Info: (804) 358-7166, ext. 310.

Book Signing

BOOKS, BEADS AND MORE

Book signing with author Pamela K. Kinney, featuring her “Paranormal Petersburg, Virginia, and the Tri-Cities Area,” “Nightmares and Echoes 2,” and other books, including those written under the pseudonym Sapphire Phelan. 11 a.m-3 p.m. Free. Books, Beads and More, 8324 Bell Creek Road, Ste. 100 Mechanicsville. Info: (804) 730-2885.

Community Gift Wrap STONY POINT FASHION PARK

Community gift wrap lets visitors get their wrapping done. Proceeds benefit Ronald McDonald House in Richmond. Through Dec. 24. Stony Point Fashion Park, 9200 Stony Point Parkway.

SUNDAY, DEC. 6

The Boar’s Head Feast

“Big Band Christmas in the Air”

The Boar’s Head Feast lets visitors explore the traditions and meals of 16th-century Christmas including meats, pies and cider along with historically appropriate music. Period dress is encouraged but not required. $50. Henricus Historical Park, 251 Henricus Park Road, Chester. Info: (804) 748-1611 or henricus.org.

“Big Band Christmas in the Air” features bigband vocal classics from Joe Enroughty and His Royal Virginians. $10. 3-5 p.m., Christ Ascension Church, 1704 W. Laburnum Ave. Info: guylombardomusic.com or (804) 864-1040.

HENRICUS HISTORICAL PARK

Tea & Tidings at Pamplin Historical Park THE NATIONAL MUSEUM OF THE CIVIL WAR

Tea & Tidings at Pamplin Historical Park offers a chance to learn and experience a traditional Civil War-era tea including Christmas carols and

CHRIST ASCENSION CHURCH

St. Nick’s Party MAYMONT

St. Nick’s Party at Maymont brings the Christmas Fairy and St. Nicholas to host a child-friendly party with games, crafts treats and animals. $10$15. Advance registration required. 2:30-4 p.m., 1700 Hampton St. Info, registration: maymont. org or (804) 358-7166, ext. 310.

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RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 17

Let’s Go

December 2015

MONDAY, DEC. 7 Diva Bag Silent Auction TRINITY FAMILY LIFE CENTER

Diva Bag Silent Auction featuring Beverly Bond, founder and executive director of Black Girls Rock! Inc., to raise funds for Girls for a Change. $50/$60 at door, $25 youth. VIP tickets available. Doors open 5:30 p.m. Trinity Family Life Center, 3601 Dill Road. Info: www.girlsforachange.org.

$30. 2-5 p.m. Henrico Theatre, 305 E. Nine Mile Road, Highland Springs. Info: (804)795-2146 or olddominionbarndance.com.

TUESDAY, DEC. 15

Steve Bassett and Friends bring an evening of original music by the Richmond mainstay. $10$50. 7:30 p.m. Beacon Theatre, 401 N. Main St. Hopewell. Info: stevebassettmusic.com or (804) 446-3457.

SATURDAY, DEC. 19 Mallory Lewis & Lamb Chop HOPEWELL’S BEACON THEATRE

446-3457.

SUNDAY, DEC. 20 The Richmond Concert Band TABERNACLE BAPTIST CHURCH

The Richmond Concert Band plays holiday and family favorites. Free. 4 p.m., Tabernacle Baptist Church, 1925 Grove Ave. Info: (804)737-3767 or richmondconcertband.org.

Mallory Lewis & Lamb Chop bring their classic comedy show to Hopewell’s Beacon Theatre. $16-$35. 7:30 p.m., 401 N. Main St., Hopewell. Info: mallorylewisandlambchop.com or (804)

Holiday Memorial Service ST. STEPHENS’S EPISCOPAL CHURCH

Holiday Memorial Service offers an interfaith service of comfort for anyone who has lost a child. Free. 7 p.m., St. Stephens’s Episcopal Church, 6000 Grove Ave. Info: saintstephensrichmond.net/holidaymemorialservice

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 9 “Songs of the Angels”

The Richmond Concert Band

“Songs of the Angels” from the Richmond Symphony Orchestra celebrates the music of Christmas with soprano Anne O’Byrne, the St. Mary’s Catholic School Choir and baritone Michael Reninger. $15. 7 p.m., St. Mary’s Catholic Church, 9505 Gayton Rd. Tickets, info: stmarysrichmond.org or (804) 740-4044.

The Richmond Concert Band plays holiday and family favorites. Free. 7 p.m., Greek Orthodox Cathedral, 30 Malvern Ave. Info:(804) 737-3767 or richmondconcertband.org.

ST. MARY’S CATHOLIC CHURCH

SATURDAY, DEC. 12 Colonial Christmas Camp HENRICUS HISTORICAL PARK

Colonial Christmas Camp offers children ages 5-10 a chance to make historic decorations and crafts while participating in games and colonial holiday activities. Meanwhile, parents are invited to shop at the park gift shop. Register by Dec. 10. $30 general public, $25 members. 1-4 p.m. Henricus Historical Park, 251 Henricus Park Road, Chester. Info: (804) 748-1611 or www.henricus.org.

The Pat McGee Band BEACON THEATRE

The Pat McGee Band reunites to raise funds for Adopt-A-Family. $20-$40. 7:30 p.m., Beacon Theatre, 401 N. Main St., Hopewell. Info: patmcgeeband.com or (804) 446-3457.

SUNDAY, DEC. 13 Old Dominion Barn Dance HENRICO THEATRE

Old Dominion Barn Dance starring Teenie Chenault. The Caroline County native began his career in the early 1960s, bringing traditional country to the Richmond area for decades before moving to Florida. He returns to headline the Barn Dance at this matinee performance.

GREEK ORTHODOX CATHEDRAL

Steve Bassett and Friends BEACON THEATRE

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18 u RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015

SATURDAY, DEC. 19 “A Christmas Carol” GAYTON KIRK

“A Christmas Carol,” the Dickens classic as a family-friendly one-person show, with actor Ray Carver playing all parts, is a presentation of the Three-Penny Theatre arts initiative from The Gayton Kirk, the Lord Nelson Players and Carver. Pay what you want. 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. at the Gayton Kirk, 11421 Gayton Road, Henrico. Info, reservations: www.3pennyplays.org or www.thegaytonkirk.org or (804) 741-5254 or 3pennyplays@gmail.com.

HAVE AN EVENT YOU WANT TO SHARE? SUBMIT A CALENDAR ENTRY WITH US! Entries are subject to change; call to confirm dates and times. Entries for the January calendar are due December 9; send items to: calendar@richmondpublishing.com. WWW.RICHMONDPARENTS.COM

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RICHMOND PARENTS MONTHLY u DECEMBER 2015 u 19

Eve pac a HU ry ye ked GE ar h sho succ as b wro ess een om wit of e h a xhib itor s

20th Annual Summer of Fun Camp & Education Fair

A great opportunity to exhibit your camp, business or school to Richmond area families!

Saturday, February 6th, 2016 • 10am - 3:00pm The Place at Innsbrook

4036 Cox Road • Glen Allen, Virginia 23060

• Gain Great Visibility • Generate NEW Business • Our Fair is Heavily Promoted & Draws Big Crowds

I-F W E E FR

Hurry! Every year has SOLD OUT!

Spaces are limited and filling fast!

Send in your registration and payment today to guarantee placement. For questions call (804) 673-5215, visit www.RichmondParents.com, or email mfetter@richmondpublishing.com.