The Beast - December 2015 by The Beast

Beast the

DECEMBER 2015

• THE MONTHLY MAGAZINE FOR SYDNEY'S BEACHES OF THE EAST

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Welcome to December 2015... Everyone Should Be Happy Words Dan Hutton Picture Ken Jones

elcome to the December 2015 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. Summer is here and everyone should be happy. Nothing serves to see off your troubles like a good dose of sunshine and a session down on the sand at one of our city’s many ridiculously good-looking beaches. It might be hotter than a match head in the city, to take a line from The Lovin’ Spoonful, but here in the Eastern Beaches life is peachy. When the weather is hot, the ocean is cool, and that sea breeze really comes into to its own once December hits. The onset of summer means that the festive season is just around the corner, so we’re right

10 The Beast | December 2015

on the cusp of Christmas party pandemonium, a cacophony of carollers, and, in the not too distant future, the beginning of yet another new year. If a new beginning is not a bloody good cause for celebration, I don’t know what is.

On the cover this month is one of Australian film’s elder statesmen, Bryan Brown. Fa-

mous for his starring roles in Breaker Morant, Cocktail and Two Hands (to name but a few), with the exception of Paul Hogan and Ray Meagher it is hard to imagine a more ocker Australian to appear on the big screen or the idiot box, and Brown stands out from the others as he can actually act. His lovely daughter Matilda appeared on the cover of The Beast a couple years back and we’ve been waiting to get our mittens on big Bryan ever since. He truly is an Australian icon. As always, there’s plenty of other good stuff inside the mag this month, so we hope you enjoy reading the December 2015 edition of The Beast. Cheers, Dan & James

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Contents December 2015 • Issue 131

10 13 14 16 22 24 26 28 29 48 50

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Letters Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs & Dogs Local News Beastpop I Sports Bits Calendar

51 52 60 61 62 64 66 68 70 72 74

'Oh, what a feeling!' by Michelle Kitzler.

Local Tradies Interview Rupert’s Rant Beastpop II The Naked Truth Local Photos Local Wildlife Fish ‘n’ Tips Tide Chart Underwater Wildlife Enviro News

76 78 80 82 84 86 88 90 96 98 98

Travel Bug Street Style This Sporting Life Sexy Time Reviews Arts Bits Bandage Food & Wine Beast Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Even Jesus can't resist the allure of Westfield.

What Would Jesus Do This Christmas? Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Banksy

hristmas can be a highly stressful period for those caught up in all the commercial hype. Eleven and a half months of dedicated yoga and mindfulness practice can be blown in one afternoon of shopping hell, transforming the zen devotee into a self-centred, self-absorbed Westfield Zombie. So this year Pearl is advising on a more old-school Christmas experience; one with an authentic, retro Christian touch. After all, Jesus was the master of mindfulness, as his hipster beard would attest. When confronted with the myriad of dilemmas one faces on a daily basis, many a religious person would ask: What would Jesus do? Should I finish

14 The Beast | December 2015

off that bottle of wine in the fridge before Seniors Zumba? Should I feast on that mouldy piece of wholemeal bread because I’m too hung-over to stumble down to FoodWorks? Should I introduce a sheep into my tiny, elite Clovelly enclave to solve my lawn-mowing issues? You can guarantee the affirmative answers to these curly questions lie deep within one of the books of the New Testament. When it comes to anticipating the trauma and grief of Christmas shopping, Pearl turns to Jesus for advice - and what could be more fitting at this time of year? Alas, Jesus, being a socialist, does not strike me as a Westfield malingering type of dude, nor could he

be envisaged filling retailers’ coffers with his platinum Amex or stocking up the pantry with gourmet organic, free-range goodies (but I definitely could see him hungover at Seniors Zumba). So sweeties, hypothetically, what would Jesus do whilst Christmas shopping at Westfield? Would Jesus ignorantly chatter on his mobile phone at the head of the queue at Myer, ignoring the cashier and leaving a trail of followers waiting impatiently behind him? No, Jesus would instead step aside and usher his followers through or get off his damn mobile phone. Would the Virgin Mary be dragging the massive 4WD and Herculean pram to Westfield? I appreciate that motherhood comes with an entitlement to extra space and exclusive parking spots, but remember that Christmas embodies the spirit of sharing. Instead of bringing the tank, Mary would share her personal space and sensibly leave her extended family at home rather than treating shopping as a recreational activity. Would Jesus partake in a grocery shopping frenzy reminiscent of the bad old days of restricted shopping hours, loading up his trolley as if an impending famine was being sent down by the Lord to test us all? No, for Jesus is wise and would be aware that on Boxing Day the necessary provisions for life can be obtained at a highly inflated price somewhere else in the Eastern Suburbs. Would Jesus stroll leisurely through Westfield, impeding the flow of foot traffic, and stop at the top of the escalators to chat or air kiss? No, he would consciously keep to the left, perhaps drawing a line as he goes, and he would take a shepherd’s crook to any amblers who got in his way. Happy shopping, sweeties! Xx Pearl

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Sent in by The people of the Eastern Suburbs

REACHING OUT TO WOMAN ON THE 333 I'm hoping to find a woman I met on the 333 recently. We fell into conversation after making eye contact when her two kids were giggling and squirming in the front seat. I said the giggling was a lovely sound. Her son came and sat with her, opposite me. We were on those side seats that fit three people and face each other. I noticed he was wearing a Neutral Bay Public t-shirt. It turns out this single mother moved to Bondi from Neutral Bay to be closer to the hospital, where her son still goes for regular checks after having been diagnosed with cancer three years ago. He was five. His friends were all kids in the same position at the hospital. He lost his hair, he was in a wheelchair for a while, and he was very ill due to the treatment. Out of the group of children he started with at the hospital, he is the only survivor. At the age of eight, he has been to several children's funerals, including one for his best friend. I can still see the look of sadness on his face when he told me this was not fair. His mother takes him by public transport from Bondi to school at Neutral Bay every day, with his threeyear-old sister along for the ride,

16 The Beast | December 2015

then does the reverse journey every afternoon, because he started school there and likes the school. When he does not have to go to the hospital as frequently, perhaps in a year or two, she says she might return to live in Neutral Bay. On the 333, suddenly it was her stop and they were gone. I still want to reach out to her to offer assistance. I have time, not money, and perhaps I could occasionally help. I'm writing this in case she sees it and would like to contact me (this can be arranged by emailing dan@thebeast.com.au). Mimi Parfitt, Bondi

On the 333, suddenly it was her stop and they were gone. I still want to reach out to her to offer assistance. BEACH SHOWERS NEED IMPROVEMENT Considering the high amounts we pay for the privilege of living in our beautiful suburb of Bondi Beach, would it be possible for the council to install some decent beach showers? Anything would be an improvement, even if just a couple more along the

beach, with water pressure that is more than a dribble, and maybe some extra water fountains to drink from? Compare our showers to the luxury of Tama (so nice; I would move in if I could), or Maroubra where the showers last for a solid minute at a time without having to press the button and are built into a lovely sandstone wall. I don't mean to be an old whinge bag, but surely we can do better? Is the water facility that was built to recycle water under the south end of the grass hill to be used to help with water conservation? Can we utilise this to make a better experience for our beach goers? Salty Surfer, Bondi Beach VALE GIANNI PELLICCIARI Vale Gianni Pellicciari, who passed away peacefully on October 20 after a rambunctious life as one of Bondi Beach and Rose Bay's more colourful residents. As I begin to write this tribute to Dad, I note there is a cafe on Bondi's Campbell Parade called ‘Birichina’, which means ‘naughty girl’. Gianni was the male equivalent, a birichino, all his life, and the suburbs of Sydney's east were both the happy and sometimes bemused recipients of his antics. Cafes feature prominently in Gianni’s life. He will be chiefly remembered for the Pellicciari family café, which ran down at the Bondi Pavilion for 41 years. There Gianni produced exquisite gelato with his brother Guido, back in the days when it was still an artisanal product and not a franchise, and pizza slabs that for years refuelled the hungriest surfers and summertime beach lovers. He will be remembered in his middle years for adoring the ladies and abhorring discipline, for being an extraordinary workhorse in the business, but for whom horses (the racing kind) didn't always work! In Dad's later years he became a permanent fixture at La

Galleria Cafe in Rose Bay, holding court there most days. His life experiences and the stories that came with them - from being a child on the beaches of Anzio in WWII, to being a 'new Australian' working on the Snowy Mountains scheme, and dining in the 1970s with Prime Minister Gough Whitlam - made Dad an instant friend to all. It wasn't unusual to see a bluehaired uni student run up and say 'Ciao Gianni' in the Rose Bay supermarket, or to see a TV celebrity stop and have coffee with him, or to watch a big brawny bloke hold his hand and listen to the stories of his days as a renegade teenager in Italy riding motorbikes along the top of an ancient Roman rampart. More than just family will miss you, Dad. Gianni, you were boisterous, gregarious and rambunctious to the end. E viva, it was a life lived! Nadia Piave, Bondi

Gianni was the male equivalent, a birichino, all his life, and the suburbs of Sydney's east were both the happy and sometimes bemused recipients of his antics. PAVEMENT PARKING PRATS Dear Beast, Here's one that Pearl might like to get her teeth into: What is it with car owners in the Eastern Suburbs? Has anyone else noticed or been subjected to inconvenience and near death experiences resulting from the arrogant and selfish act of parking across the pavement? This seems to be becoming so prevalent around these parts that I can contain myself no longer. My request is simple: Park your Audi/BMW/Lexus/Range Rover off the pavement like

18 The Beast | December 2015

the rest of us have to. Or park them in your double garages so that pedestrians don't have to become sitting ducks for other morons driving their Audi/BMW/ Lexus/Range Rover whilst drinking lattes, putting on make-up, texting, updating their narcissistic book, eating a bowl of quinoa, etc. Abbott forbid you might have to find a parking spot 30 seconds walk away from your house! Hopefully a parent and child, wheelchair user, blind person, or anyone else for that matter won’t have to go around your car and onto the road and get knocked down just because you're an inconsiderate bell-end. $40,000 car? Ten cents common sense. Next time you obstruct my path in such a fashion, I will climb over the bonnet of your precious status symbol, dragging my two-year-old and her pushchair behind me. Andy Watkins, Bellevue Hill TERRIFYING INCIDENT AT THE JUNCTION Yesterday afternoon my son, Jack, my baby and I got the bus to Bondi Junction to run some errands. We got off at the Apple Store and wandered down to the bank, and then criss-crossed back to the Bronka Arcade to get some cheap noodles as an afternoon snack. We were retracing our steps to go pick up some stuff for dinner and my son was a few steps behind, trying to stuff his change into his wallet, hold on to his noodles and walk all at the same time. Walking towards us was a young guy wearing a sleeveless t-shirt and moving with a certain swagger. I watched in horror as without warning he shoulder barged my son, making him drop his wallet and his container of Singapore noodles. Jack knelt to pick up his stuff, muttering, and when he stood up the guy was waiting for him and thrust his face right up next to Jack’s, their noses touching. Everything stopped and the landscape suddenly became al-

ien and terrifying. I backed away uncertainly, holding my hand protectively over my baby's head, torn between my baby and my big son. The panic started rising in my throat and all I could do was scream. Around us the people stopped moving and watched the situation unfold, like someone had pressed pause on a video and walked away.

I backed away uncertainly, holding my hand protectively over my baby's head, torn between my baby and my big son. The guy grabbed my kid by his shirt and violently manhandled him into a little shoe repair place, ramming him up against the glass. The guy pulled back his fist and held it there for what seemed like a very long time as I stood there paralysed; all I could do was scream. My baby started wailing and crying in terror. For whatever reason, the guy suddenly let Jack go, shaking his head in disgust at us, the two people who had the temerity to walk past him in a way that had not been to his liking. I watched him stalk away and I screamed at him, “What the f**k is wrong with you?” In reply, he held up his middle finger without turning back around and kept walking; a dickhead full of his own entitled arrogance. Suddenly people were there, patting us. Jack pulled on my hand, a man ran after the guy, a nice lady stopped and offered us counsel, and someone offered to call the police. I was in a daze, jelly-legged and shaken. We walked out of the arcade and into the gentle spring rain and sat down and looked at each other in horror, and it was almost as if we had made the whole thing up.

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Last night I lay awake for a long time and replayed it over and over in my head. I thought about the Thomas Kelly case; a kid walking through the Cross minding his own business who just happened to cross paths with one of these people and paid the ultimate price. What is with these young men looking to terrorise another human for the sheer thrill of it? Where have we gone wrong as a society that you can be assaulted as you walk down the street, getting punished for doing nothing more reprehensible than being in the wrong place at the wrong time? This country spends billions of dollars on terrorism-related initiatives, and no doubt there is a real threat somehow, somewhere, but what about the real terrorists: men who look to kill, maim, hurt and violate just because they can? The enemy is not some abstract concept far, far away from us. The real enemy is within.

I implore the federal government to start an initiative that addresses violence amongst young men, and the related issue of ice addiction amongst our youth. After all, this incident happened in our current PM's electorate, just round the corner from his house. Heidi Blackwell, South Bondi PEARL AND STAR SIGNS TIP TOP When I get my copy of The Beast I immediately turn to Pearl Bullivant, and then to the star signs. Pearl's articles convey exactly the same sentiments as mine on social and political issues, and make me realise I am not alone. The star signs are hilarious and, weirdly enough, do seem to be quite apt. I photocopy both of these and give them to friends who appreciate them too. I also keep back copies to distribute when the need arises. Pamela Young, Legend

The Beast Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month. 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shopfronts. PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests. Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

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Local Bloke... James Robinson From Bronte Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

ronte’s James Robinson is Art Director at CARVE Eyewear & Clothing. He shares his local favourites with The Beast…

What music are you into at the moment? Fat Freddy's Drop, Ben Ottewell and Sticky Fingers. Music keeps you sane.

How long have you lived here? I'm born and raised in Clovelly, but spent most of my life surfing at Bronte.

Who is your favourite person? My wife and two daughters. They inspire me, encourage me and make me a better person.

What's your favourite beach? Bronte is home to me. I love that it still feels like a small town.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Time with the family. Having two daughters, it's netball and dance classes most weekends, but I usually sneak an early surf in most days.

What's your favourite eatery? We are blessed to have so many good places to eat across the Eastern Suburbs, but Wet Paint has always been a standout. Where do you like to have a drink? The Nelson. It's stayed traditional and true to what an Australian pub is all about. Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Newtown Jets and the Roosters.

22 The Beast | December 2015

What do you do for work? I'm the Art Director at CARVE Eyewear & Clothing. It is an Australian-based surf label. I'm also a freelance illustrator and designer, but over the last two years I have been making traditional Hawaiian inspired wooden alaias, paipos and paddles as 'Bound by Sea'. I handshape and build each

board. They are individual and no two are the same. What's your favourite thing about work? My favourite aspect of the boards and artwork is that it’s raw. It's really back to basics. Pushing a plane, shaping, sanding or sketching the artwork is all with your hands, and is the polar opposite to sitting at a desk in front of a computer. I love it. Do you have a favourite quote? "The best surfer in the water isn't the guy who's ripping the most; it's the guy having the most fun" - Shawn 'Barney' Barron. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Life's too short. Follow your dreams, whatever they may be, and start today. Don't put it off because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

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The uber-stylish Katie Smee.

Local Chick... Katie Smee From Bondi Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

ondi’s Katie Smee specialises in creating beautiful and imaginative events and weddings. She shares her local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? I moved here from London six years ago. What's your favourite beach? Bondi. I get down there every day for a surf, swim or run. What's your favourite eatery? So many! Sensory Lab for coffee, Porch & Parlour for every meal and Bondi’s Best for the most amazing fish and chips you’ve ever eaten. Who is your favourite person? All the people I love. I am very thankful to my business partner George for helping make our dream come to life, and I definitely couldn’t live without the support of the Bunnings men.

24 The Beast | December 2015

Where do you like to have a drink? Luis Tan's opposite Miss Chu is the place to be in Bondi at the moment. Do you have a favourite sporting team? Not really. I grew up in the UK and I'm still struggling to learn the rules of AFL. What music are you into at the moment? I’m loving Nightswimming at the moment; it’s an awesome local band. What do you get up to on the weekends? Saturdays are usually spent setting up and styling a wedding or party at some gorgeous venue. Sundays are for chilling and having a surf, late brekky and finding some hidden antiques. Then a few late arvo drinks with friends. What do you do for work? I am one half of George & Smee. We have an eclectic furniture, props

and styling company, and we specialise in creating beautiful and imaginative events and weddings. People can simply hire from our huge varied collection (www.georgeandsmee.com), or we can design an unforgettable event for them. What's your favourite thing about your work? I get to be creative full-time. We meet some awesome people and every day is completely different. But most of all, there is no comparison to the feeling of watching our designs come to life and seeing the client's face when they walk in. Do you have a favourite quote? “You only get one shot in life, make it pretty” - with the help of George & Smee. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Make sure you have a good laugh every single day!

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Ollie Age 8 years Sex Male Breed Maltese x Shih Tzu Weight 5.4kg

Nearly there.

Thumbs Up YOGA RETREATS – Eight hours a day of yoga and meditation for five days straight is nowhere near as intense as you might think. SEX TOYS – Apparently NSW tops the country when it comes to dalliances with dildos and other such devices. Well done NSW. NORTHERN RIVERS – While we love the South Coast, it’s always great to head north and visit Byron, Brunswick Heads and Yamba. FORESKINS – I just read a news story about a baby that bled to death after a botched circumcision. Heavy. Leave ‘em on! STREET PARTIES – You no longer need to fight for your right, as Randwick Council just pledged its support for local street parties.

Ollie is a gentle, sweet-natured boy. He is very affectionate and easy to pick up. Ollie needs encouragement walking on lead, but walks nicely on loose lead. He came from the pound in a bad way with severe periodontal disease. He has a nonshedding coat. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $350. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com to check out over 200 other dogs up for adoption.

Scarlett Age 8 years Sex Female Breed Jack Russell x Weight 7.2kg Scarlett is a soft-natured, slightly timid girl. She walks well on lead and is not reactive to cars or other dogs. She loves a nurse and is more comfortable being carried. She is very social with other dogs. She has a short coat and weighs 7.2kg. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $400. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com to check out over 200 other dogs up for adoption.

Thumbs Down OPTUS – Three trips to the Optus shop, several phone calls, issue still unresolved. It’s been a good 15 years Mr Optus, but you’re fired. WRINKLES – It’s a sad day when you realise the Eastern Beaches lifestyle (sun, surf, parties, drugs, etc.) is not good for the complexion. AIR BRUSHING APPS – Adding a treatment to your Instagram photos is one thing, but airbrushing your selfies, are you kidding me? HEAT RASH – The down side of all this warm weather we’ve got coming our way is the unsightly rashes that sometimes appear. EXPIRED GIFT VOUCHERS – You pay cold hard cash for a voucher, yet once it’s expired it’s worth absolutely nothing. What a rort!

26 The Beast | December 2015

Tetley Age 8 years Sex Male Breed Mini Foxy X Weight 4kg Tetley is a very gentle, calm-natured boy. He loves a little cuddle and is very social with other dogs. Tetley loves his walks and loves to play with a tennis ball. He also loves having people around. He has a smooth coat and weighs 4kg. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $350. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com to check out over 200 other dogs up for adoption.

Sarah's zipper.

Summer Melanoma Threat Awaits Words Marcus Braid Picture Daniel Jones

hen Sarah Jones walked into the Coogee Skin Cancer Clinic a couple of weeks ago, as she does at this time every year, she received the shock of her life. “I went in for my yearly check-up, like I always do, and I had a mole that was a bit irregularly shaped and it had changed colour,” Ms Jones said. “I had a biopsy of it done, and thank God I did, because it was a melanoma.” With summer fast approaching and the local beaches flooded most weekends, the danger of melanoma will again be evident. Australia has the highest incidence of melanoma in the world, and it is the third most common form of cancer

28 The Beast | December 2015

in Australian men and women, making up 10 percent of all cancers. “It’s scary to think that if I waited who knows how long – months or a year – I would have probably died,” Ms Jones said. “It was a wake-up call, that’s for sure. “It’s one of those things that everyone always postpones. You think you will book it in soon, but you don’t do it. “I was on Facebook one day and one of my friends put a photo up of her and she had a big cut on her face. It just reminded me. I saw the photo and I’m so lucky I did.” Ms Jones said she also follows an organisation called ‘Beard Season’ on Instagram, which

challenges people to book a skin check, and aims to turn beards into life-changing conversation starters. “They’re a good reminder,” Ms Jones said. “I get my skin checked every year. Most of the time I will get a reminder, and it will take another couple of months to finally go there. “I think by law now I have to get my skin checked every six months for the next five years, and then after that it will hopefully be yearly.” Melanoma is often identifiable at an early stage when simple treatment can result in complete cure. Professor Graham Mann, Research Director at the Melanoma Institute Australia (MIA), warned that the threat of melanoma was ever-present. “With 11,500 new cases of melanoma diagnosed each year in Australia and new cases still on the rise, it is pretty important that we are all sun aware and sun safe, by protecting our skin when we go outside to enjoy the summer,” he said. “One person still dies from melanoma every six hours in Australia and at MIA we are working hard to change this devastating statistic.” Ms Jones said she had learnt the vital importance of sun protection the hard way. “Sun safety is very important and making sure you slip, slop, slap,” she said. “Everyone should be getting a yearly checkup, no matter their type of skin. Anyone can get skin cancer.” Overexposure to ultraviolet light (UV) causes 95 percent of melanomas, and prevention is the key to avoiding the deadly disease. Seek shade, especially in the hottest part of the day, wear sun-protective clothing that covers your back, shoulders, arms and legs, don’t forget to wear a broad-rimmed hat, and apply a broad spectrum sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30+ every two hours and after swimming or exercise.

When did you last have your skin checked for melanoma? Interview and Pictures Marcus Braid

Damien, Bondi Junction

I’ve never had one. I never think about it because of my skin and where I’m originally from. I should probably have one check-up per year.

Charlotte, Coogee

Never. It doesn’t really worry me and I’m pretty relaxed about it all. I usually put sunscreen on.

Regina, Bondi

Never, because I don’t have any moles, I don’t tend to be in the sun too often and I’m normally a pretty tanned person naturally. I wear sunscreen all the time and it’s not one of my biggest concerns.

Ronan, Bondi Junction

Never. I’m originally from France so I don’t have to worry about it too much. I should still have one check-up per year though.

Nadia, Coogee Eugene, Coogee

Twenty years ago. I should be worried about it, but I’m not. I don’t think I’ve got a problem, to tell you the truth. I will get it checked out sometime.

When I got my mole cut out two years ago. It wasn’t cancerous, I was just being careful. I should have a check-up every six months, but I haven’t. I don’t have Medicare because I only just moved here.

December 2015 | The Beast 29

Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Malcolm Beville

BONDI HAIR CREW MOVES TO THE BEACH Bondi Hair Crew has made the big move from the Junction to 69 O’Brien Street, Bondi Beach. Formerly at the Tiffany Plaza, Bondi Hair Crew offers hairdressing services from simple trims to a style-cut, highlights, full colour and more. The salon operates seven days a week, which means customers can pop in at the time of day that suits them best, with appointments available on Saturday and Sunday, and late into the evening. NEW DIGITAL STORE WELCOMED AT RANDWICK Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith has welcomed the new Service NSW Randwick Digital Store on the ground floor of the Royal Randwick Shopping Centre at 73 Belmore Road. Hundreds of government services and transactions are available for residents and businesses at the new Randwick Digital Store. The new cashless store complements the

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existing service centres in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs at Bondi Junction and Botany, and allows customers to complete their most popular digital transactions. AUSTRALIA’S SEX TOY CAPITAL NSW may well be in the grip of a sizzling property boom, but it’s also blazing a trail as Australia’s hottest sex toy market. According to research by Australian online pleasure retailer Mimi De Luxe, kinky Premier State residents have chalked up over 55 percent more sex toy purchases than their nearest rivals in Victoria during 2015. And of those ordering the products, the research also revealed that Australian female sex toy customers are most likely to be named Susan or Jessica, while for men it’s David or Chris. COOGEE SCHOOL STUDENTS TO TAP ONTO OPAL School students across Coogee will be provided with a School Opal card at the start of the 2016 school year so they can

travel for free between home and school with ease. Parents and students are able to apply for a School Opal card and get information about the card. Parents and students who need to apply for a School Opal card can do so at www.transportnsw. info/school-students. MOTHERHOOD BOOK INSPIRED BY HOSPITAL Many Eastern Suburbs mums have been lucky enough to have babies at the Royal Hospital for Women and then enjoy strollerpushing around the beautiful local beaches while drinking excellent coffee with their fellow mums. They have shared an amazing local experience. As a result, Coogee’s Erica Barlow has released an illustrated poem about expectancy and motherhood, which hails to a universal experience shared by mums the world over: the hilarious and grubby trial that is being a new parent. For more information visit www.lookingatyoubaby.com.

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December 2015 | The Beast 31

Maroubra Sports Club Fate Still Uncertain Words Marcus Braid

he future of Maroubra Sports Club is safe for the time being after it was agreed that the club would not be sold to developers. However, the Maroubra RSL Sub-Branch has indicated that it is now calling for expressions of interest in buying the club. Randwick Councillor Tony Bowen called for the club to be preserved for community use. “The club itself is having issues financially,” Cr Bowen said. “That shouldn’t mean a loss to the community of a community asset, which is what it is. “There’s been some really great events there with the PPP4SPA event to help reduce suicide, and they recently had the Green Market a couple of weeks ago.” At a November 1 meeting to decide whether or not the club would be sold to developers, the matter did not end up going to a vote. “I know a lot of the people who are involved in that club, and they are all community people,” Cr Bowen said. “Their hearts are in the right place. “It’s vital that it remains as a place for the community, particularly with its location. It’s so close to the beach and Maroubra really prides itself on its little community there.” Speculation over the future of Maroubra Sports Club has been rife since last year, but the Maroubra community has fought hard to ensure it stays open.

32 The Beast | December 2015

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You Don’t Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party Words Marcus Braid Picture Leila McKinnon

andwick City Council has targeted street parties as a way to bring the municipality’s diverse community together in a spirit of inclusiveness. The move will continue Council’s tradition of funding and facilitating traffic control and temporary road closures for oneoff neighbourhood events as part of its community-building ‘street party’ initiative. Mayor Noel D’Souza said Council is committed to making it easier for residents to commune and connect in authentic, safe and creative ways. “Street parties are wholesome and enriching events that bring together a wide cross section of people in the spirit of generosity and inclusion,” he said. The street parties program illustrates Randwick Council’s overarching goals of fostering a vibrant and diverse community and creating strong partnerships between Council, community groups and government. Of the ten or so applications for street parties submitted to Council each year, the majority of requests are for the month of December. Council has removed the red tape and expensive costs that have

traditionally discouraged residents from applying for street closures for their Christmas parties. “Offering road closures and public liability insurance ensures they are as safe and enjoyable as possible,” Cr D’Souza said. Councillor Tony Bowen also labelled the move a “great idea”. “A lot of people have been having street parties informally, but it’s obviously better to do it as safely as we can, especially when you’re talking about traffic and things like that,” he said. “It’s particularly good for Randwick, because large parts of it are low-density suburban areas that are well-suited to a street party.” Cr Bowen said street parties were an appropriate way to celebrate Randwick’s rich diversity. “There’s diversity in terms of the socioeconomic side of things; for example around South Coogee and Maroubra you can have housing estates alongside very expensive private properties,” he said. “You also have cultural diversity, from well-established migrant communities to more recent communities. We’ve got a very large Indigenous population as well. I think that’s the biggest strength of Randwick.”

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hen is Waverley Council going to come clean about the real reason behind the amalgamation of local councils under the NSW Government ‘Fit for the Future’ reform program aimed at councils that supposedly cannot stand alone? It seems a done deal between Waverley and Randwick, while Woollahra Council is adamant it wants no part of a so-called ‘Global City’ conglomerate and is quite capable of standing on its own two feet. Word on the street is it is a plot by the Liberal Government to gain control of more than 500,000 people in and around Sydney, and eventually eliminate the need for councillors, instead appointing administrators to oversee the operations. While Woollahra has made a firm stand against amalgamation with more than 80 percent of its residents agreeing to stand alone, Waverley Council doesn’t seem the least bit inter-

34 The Beast | December 2015

ested in what its residents think. An electronic telephone survey reached only 600 residents within the Waverley municipality, which is around one percent of the population, and some residents reportedly received literature in their letterboxes – though many received nothing at all. The question has also been raised as to who will have the governing power over this new ‘Super Council’. There is some strong mail that current Waverley Mayor Sally Betts is being fitted out for a cape and will turn into ‘Super Sally’, ready to leap from tall buildings when the new administration centre is built in Bondi Junction, following the council’s sell-off of Spotlight and OfficeWorks in Ebley Street. A lot of councils need a good clean up, but surely this can be done in a stand-alone situation without taking away the local identity the community

has enjoyed within the various municipalities. With parking revenue reaching around $12 million a year, combined with all the other costs residents must endure for the privilege of living in Waverley, it’s time someone owned up to the real reason we have to join forces to survive. Woollahra has proved that people power can make a difference and that a democratic system must be put in place for everyone to have a say. All of their councillors stand united in wanting to keep Woollahra’s local identity and they listened to the voice of the residents when they voted unanimously against amalgamation. Maybe it’s time Waverley Council spent a bit more time listening to the residents instead of bickering among themselves and having to put up with a “what we say, goes” edict from the Liberals. Then, and only then, will they truly be a super council.

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More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Lucie Bejčková

ONLY ABOUT CHILDREN ART EXHIBITION The Only About Children early learning childcare campus in Rose Bay is hosting its third annual art exhibition, ‘Stories by the Oac Tree’, on Saturday, December 5 at 10am to showcase the wonderful visual art of its children. The beautiful exhibition is open to all families and the community. Rachel Greenwood, editor of All The Buzz About Books, will open the event, which correlates with Children’s Book Week. THE ARRIVAL OF THE TRUCKS The EQ Village Markets is excited to announce the arrival of farmers’ trucks, driven down the long roads overnight from the country to Moore Park. Laden with the new season's produce, from cherries and stone fruit, to summer veggies and more, you can literally buy your groceries right out the back of a truck, just like in a country market, creating a unique shopping experience for Sydney-siders. The EQ Village Markets is open every Wednesday and Saturday from 9am to 2pm. For more information, visit www.eqmoorepark.com.au.

City sklyline sunsets.

QT HOTELS SET TO OPEN IN BONDI A match made in beachside heaven, Australia’s newest and most exciting hotel brand, QT Hotels & Resorts, is soon to bring its distinctive sense of quirk, fun and unique design philosophy to the cool and cultured shores of Bondi Beach. QT Bondi is scheduled to open in December 2015 and will provide the best upmarket accommodation in Bondi. It will offer a mix of signature Bondi barefoot luxury with all the creature comforts you’d expect to find in a world class boutique hotel. Visit www.qthotels.com.au for more information. THE LOLLIPOP LADY Writer/artist team Elizabeth Cummings and Johanna Roberts have come up with a new storybook for younger audiences about a lollipop lady, ‘The Sweetest Lollipop Lady in the World’. What makes this story different, however, is the fact that the lollipop lady is none other than South Coogee Public School lollipop lady Audrey Haes. For more information, please visit www. elizabethmarycummings.com.

FRENCH CHRISTMAS MARKET HEADS TO MAROUBRA The annual French Christmas Market is coming to the Eastern Suburbs on December 5 at the International French School on Anzac Parade, from 3pm to 8pm. There will be plenty of entertainment to keep kids and teens busy. Adults may indulge in traditional French cuisine and wine tasting, browse the market stalls offering clothes, jewellery, arts and crafts, or sit and relax in the café and watch the performances, which should get you in the Christmas mood. HELP SHAPE MOORE PARK Moore Park is turning 150 years old and for the first time in its history, the community will be invited to help shape the future of this important public park. "We must be clear - green space is not vacant space; we should never take what we have for granted,” Executive Director of Botanic Gardens & Centennial Parklands, Kim Ellis said. An online series of pop-up exhibitions will be held until Monday, December 21. You can find out more about having your say at www.centennialparklands.com. au/mooreparkfuture.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve got to love where you live and, at Ballard Property this is Phone (02) 9327 7404 ballardproperty.com.au December 2015 | The Beast 37

Winter Olympics In Bronte Boy’s Sights Words Dan Hutton Picture Matt Glas

ronte apprentice electrician Aden Roberts is about to pack his bags to chase his dream of representing Australia at the Winter Olympics in Korea in 2018. After much deliberation, Mr Roberts decided it was a case of now or never and made the tough decision to leave an apprenticeship with Ausgrid so that he can move to the USA, where he’ll take up full-time snowboard training with an elite team at Mammoth Mountain, California. “I’ve always wanted to be a professional snowboarder,” Mr Roberts said. “When I was younger I used to go over to the US for two months every season, as well as here in Australia, and since 2010 I’ve basically been going back and forth between Australia and America during the seasons. “After I started my job at Ausgrid in 2013 I soon realised I wasn’t really ready to pursue that career. I thought I’d give the Olympics a crack while I’m still young. I decided that if I don’t give it a go now I’ll probably

38 The Beast | December 2015

regret it down the track.” Mr Roberts’ journey thus far has not been without its hurdles. He was the victim of a serious physical assault that took place in the local area three years ago, but has since made a full recovery. “When I was 17 I got into a bit of a fight at Bronte and a bunch of around 10 or 12 guys bashed me. “One of them stabbed me twice in the chest and sliced me across the stomach. “I had a punctured lung in two places and a heap of general bruising from being punched and kicked in the head and body. “I was actually pretty lucky as it turned out. The two stab wounds were right next to my heart. The angle of impact meant that the knife missed my heart and went into my lung instead.” Despite the extent of Mr Roberts’ injuries, it wasn’t long before he was back on the slopes. “I didn’t surf for about two years, but I started snowboarding soon after, just not to the

same level as I was previously at. It probably took a good year to get back to that level.” In order to stay in peak condition between ski seasons here and in the US, Mr Roberts makes the most of local facilities such as Lifecycle Fitness, the skate parks at Bondi Beach and Waterloo, and the infamous Bronte Reef. “I go to Lifecycle Fitness four times a week with a mate doing strength, stability and flexibility based training. On the skating side of things, I generally just do it for fun, but it definitely helps my snowboarding. The surfing is handy for balance too, but I do it more for fun with my mates.” Mr Roberts hopes to qualify for the national team in the ‘slope style’ discipline, and to do so he must be one of the top four competitors in the country. “I’ve got another year to get into the Australian team and I’m backing myself. I think I can do it, but I’ve got a way to go yet. I’ve just got to train hard, eat well and start winning some competitions.”

As Mayor of Randwick Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to wish everyone a safe and happy start to the festive season. It has been full steam ahead for us here at Council as we continue to prepare for our merger with Waverley and support the unique requirements of our eastern beaches community during our busiest time of year. Whether you are gearing up for extra work in the service industries, hurriedly buying Christmas gifts for family, or tying up loose ends before a well-deserved break, December can be a hectic time for everyone. I encourage you to make the most of the plethora of activities and events being held throughout Randwick City this summer. The calendar is jam-packed with special occasions catering to all age groups and interests. Community events are a wonderful way to connect with other locals, lighten your spirits, relieve stress, and spread some festive cheer. These summer months see us spending more time on our beaches and enjoying the beautiful outdoors. However you choose to celebrate this holiday season, I urge you do so safely and respectfully. On behalf of everyone here at Council, I wish you a joyous December.

Councillor Noel Dâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Souza Mayor of Randwick @randwickmayor

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1300 722 542 council@randwick.nsw.gov.au www.randwick.nsw.gov.au PHOTO: CHRISTMAS CAROLS, COOGEE BEACH

Could Bondi Have Its Own Passport? Words Kieran Blake

Real Christmas spirit.

Spirit Of Christmas On Show In Memory Of Johnno Words Dan Hutton Picture James Hutton

his festive season, when you’re out shopping or sitting down to wrap all of those presents you’ve bought for your loved ones, spare a thought for the sick kids and their families who will be spending Christmas Day in hospital, and take the time to wrap up an extra gift for someone who might appreciate it just that little bit more than your whiny sister or ungrateful dad. On Sunday, December 20, local legend Mal Ward will be holding his eighth annual Forever Johnno Christmas Presents for Sick Kids event at the Coogee Bay Hotel. The event is held in loving memory of Mal’s son Johnno, who fought a gallant battle against childhood liver disease before passing away in 2008. Mal and Johnno spent many a Christmas in hospital, and that was the catalyst for this fantastic initiative. “Johnno loved Christmas and he was very close to his hospital family,” Mal said. “He would be very pleased with what is being done in his name.” All the presents collected on the day will be placed under a

40 The Beast | December 2015

Christmas tree to be collected by Mal and his Little Helpers the next morning, and donated to the kids at the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick and Westmead Children’s Hospital. “We received 161 presents in the first year and now we get up to 1,400 presents,” Mal said. “Every child in hospital and their siblings will a receive a present.” The festivities begin at 1pm and there’ll be plenty of helpers on hand to assist with present wrapping. There’ll also be a free barbecue, bar facilities and entertainment including face painting from 2pm to 5pm. Santa will be in the house at 4pm, so bring along the children and teach them the true meaning of Christmas. There will also be a raffle taking place, and the proceeds will be used to buy presents for the nursing staff at the hospitals. If you can’t make it on the day, presents can be left with Erik de Haart at CTBS, 17A Doncaster Ave, Kensington. For any enquires or raffle donations, please call Mal on 0414 293 396.

ondi residents are calling for the introduction of a special Bondi Passport, or ‘BPass’, which would grant them prioritised access to various parts of the suburb. Bearers of the passport would enjoy greater access to parking, popular cafes and sought after patches of sand, as well as priority entry to the sauna at Bondi Icebergs. A Waverley Council member, who wished to remain anonymous, shared some of the details of the proposal, which was tabled recently at a council meeting. “The most outstanding aspect of this proposal is the form of the pass itself,” the council member revealed. “The BPass would actually be an invisible tattoo, designed by a popular local artist such as Anthony Lister, which could only be read by a Bondi Scanner (BS).” The Bondi Scanner would be in the possession of specially trained enforcement officers. However, before operating the BS, the officer would be required to judge a person on their perceived level of ‘Bondiness’. If a person is deemed to be a non-resident and displays certain behavior, they will be asked to move to designated areas, such as the Campbell Parade fast food retail strip or the patch of sand to the north of the Bondi lifeguard tower, and in some cases they may even be escorted from the suburb. Further details of the plan will be known following a discussion at the next meeting of Waverley Council.

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE New Year’s Eve at Dudley Page Reserve I can’t believe I am talking about New Year’s Eve when I haven’t even started thinking about Christmas presents. But it is around the corner and we have released tickets for families to watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks from one of Sydney’s prime locations, Dudley Page Reserve.

Events Dads Read Saturday 21 November, 10am–10.30am Waverley Library Stories, songs and movement especially for 0–5 year olds and their male carers. Dads,

You can purchase your ticket through moshtix.com.au or by calling 1300 438 849. Tickets are also available at Waverley Council Customer Service Centre, Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

grandads, uncles, big brothers

Bondi Beachfest

aunts and sisters also

When anyone outside thinks about Australia they think about Bondi Beach as our most popular beach. Bondi Beachfest, a well-known music festival, will land on our shores on Saturday 14 November and we are in for a special treat. The south end of the beach will be closed from 5pm to accommodate the crowds but there will be room for all. More information can be found on our website and a big thank you as always to our residents for sharing their backyard with visitors from all over.

Bronte RSL Update Many residents are interested in what is happening with Bronte RSL. The DA has been lodged with Council and following a preliminary assessment, a number of design issues required attention. We have requested the applicant submit amended plans and these will again be renotified. Once the assessment is completed, the Waverley Development Assessment Panel will consider the application.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

and male caregivers/mentors are encouraged to come along. Mums, grandmums, welcome. Please book via eventbrite.com.au.

Carols By The Sea Wednesday 9 December, from 5pm Bondi Pavilion Come together in the spirit of Christmas. Children’s entertainment will commence at 5pm followed by Christmas tunes. Bring a rug or cushion to sit on, and of course your singing voices and Christmas spirit. For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

Even More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Guillaume Hauvespre

KEEP BRONTE BEAUTIFUL Grab your shorts, some mates, the kids, and roll up your sleeves to help keep Bronte Beach beautiful. For helping pick up litter, you’ll be shouted edible treats and there'll be time for chats on the sand and swims. This event is run in partnership with Responsible Runners. Meet at 4pm on December 13 at the main steps for a safety brief and to grab your gloves. You can also help collect data on the rubbish that has been recycled at 5pm. Call Vicky on 9083 8049. GIVE AWAY YOUR FRIDGE Is it time to put your spare fridge out to pasture or give your beer fridge the boot? New rules make it easier for residents to save on their power bills by giving up their second fridge or upright freezer. Fridge Buyback is a residential energy savings program that operates under the NSW Government's Energy Saving Scheme. A $15 rebate is paid for collection from homes with six steps or less. Collection is free. There are regular collec-

Summer migration.

tion runs every few weeks in the Waverley, Randwick and Woollahra local government areas. Call 1800 708 401 to book or visit www.fridgebuyback.com.au. FIND SOLITUDE ‘Solitude: How Doing Nothing Can Change The World’ is a book that captures local man Evan Suttor’s experiences living in a hut in a Buddhist Monastery for three months. Sutter’s book depicts this young man’s journey of using mindfulness and solitude to analyse his own history with sex, alcohol, drugs, ego, envy and success, and to find inner-peace and happiness in the simplicity of life. The various topics discussed touch on many salient issues in today’s western world. To get your hands on a copy, visit www.amazon.com. DOGSHARE UNCOVERS THE BEST PARKS If the lack of dog-friendly parks in your area is sending you barking mad, why not hit up www.dogshare.com.au and sniff around the newly launched

database of Australia’s best dog parks? Launching with over 1,000 dog parks listed around the country, the website is painstakingly researched and carefully vetted by Dogshare’s team of ‘Very Important Pooches’. The Parks Database is completely free to access and just another service offered by Australia’s only free dog sharing website. For more info, visit www.dogshare.com.au. CHILD CAR SEAT CHECKS Increasing numbers of parents and carers are taking advantage of a free Randwick City Council initiative to ensure child car seats are fitted correctly. The response to Randwick City Council’s Child Car Seat Checking program has been growing strongly. This year, in just a few weeks since the re-launch, more than 200 people have already applied. The vouchers can be redeemed locally at Council-approved inspection centres. Applications can be made online at www.randwick. nsw.gov.au/childcarseats or by calling 1300 722 542.

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Lisa and her son Alex at Clovelly Public School.

Ethics Classes Form Change Unethical Words Marcus Braid Picture Grant Brooks

he highly popular ethics classes in public schools are under threat following a key enrolment alteration by the State Government. The check box for enrolling into ethics classes has been taken off the enrolment form, which has made it more difficult for parents to find out about the classes. Lisa Smith, Ethics Coodinator at Clovelly Public School and Primary Ethics Botany Bay Regional Manager, said the alteration was an unwelcome surprise. “Our understanding is that it was done at the request of some of the religious groups to remove ethics as an option from

44 The Beast | December 2015

the enrolment form,” she said. “There certainly wasn’t any consultation with Primary Ethics. “As the Clovelly school coordinator, up until the change in the enrolment form I would know how many kindy kids next year have nominated to go into an ethics class. This tells me how many teachers I need to recruit, how many classrooms we’ll need, and all of that information will no longer be available. We would normally get all of that from the enrolment form.” There’s a very high penetration of ethics classes in the Eastern Suburbs. In the Bondi region, 93 percent of the schools that could have ethics classes do; that is 13 out of 14 schools.

In the Botany Bay region, 12 of the 18 schools that could have the classes do. Ms Smith said that many parents may now be unaware of the option for ethics to be taught to their children. “Parents won’t even know if it is going to be an option, and if they do know it’s an option, they won’t know how to exercise their right to have their children taught ethics. They have to actually individually write to the principal and say ‘let’s put my child in’.” Ethics classes do not have a religious component, and they do not teach kids what to think. “There isn’t a right or wrong answer,” Ms Smith said. “There’s no particular message or opinion that is pushed in the class; it’s teaching them how to think about an issue from all angles and how to articulate their own perspective. As the kids get older, obviously the situations get more sophisticated.” Theresa Russell, the CEO of Primary Ethics, pointed out that children who attend ethics classes have a legislated right to do so. “On December 1, 2010 the NSW Parliament passed a law giving children who don’t go to religion classes the right to attend classes with philosophical ethics,” she said. “We just work underneath that legislation.” Ms Russell said a freedom of information search had discovered that Mike Baird had been lobbied by members of Christian Special Religious Education to make the enrolment alteration. “[Mike Baird] wanted to get legislation through the Upper House, and he needed Fred Nile’s approval to get that, so he went into the Department of Education and instructed them to change the enrolment form to get rid of ethics classes,” she said. “It hasn’t got rid of ethics classes at schools; all it’s done is made it harder for new parents to find out about ethics classes.”

It's that time of the year again.

Ocean Swimming Season Hits Its Straps Words Marcus Braid Picture Cameron Spencer

astern Beaches ocean swimming groups are gearing up for a summer chock-full of events for swimmers of all capabilities. Andre Slade from OceanFit, a group specialising in ocean and open water swimming, said the attitude of new participants is crucial when it comes to immersing themselves in the sport. “Most people turn up with this idea that the ocean is just a place that wants to kill them,” he said. “Rips want to drown them and waves want to dump them, and that’s the kind of attitude they come in with. “What we do is we turn that around and say ‘the ocean is your friend, and if you know what it’s doing then you can use it to your advantage’. It actually becomes a really easy place to swim.” Mr Slade pointed to an upward trend in ocean swimming participation across the board, which is

46 The Beast | December 2015

matched by a wide array of events across Sydney this summer. “With training, there’s a bigger spread towards females, who are more likely to realise they don’t have the skills and knowledge, and then go and look for that training. Guys just think they know everything.”

It’s a sport that covers all ages and all levels of fitness. It’s very accessible to people if they’re prepared to get out of the pool and into the ocean. The ocean swimming season gets under way with the Bondi Splash N’ Dash on November 21 and the Coogee Island Challenge on November 29, which has a 2.4-kilometre main course. The

Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim will take place on December 6, which also has a 2.2-kilometre main course. “The most popular ocean swims at the moment are the junior swims, so the Bondi to Bronte, the Coogee Island Swim, and up to the Big Swim from Palm Beach to Whale Beach,” Mr Slade said. “The Cole Classic in Manly (on February 7) is still by far the most popular, though, especially in this part of the country. It’s got such a big name.” While the Cole Classic is billed as Australia’s largest ocean swimming event, the local swims are definitely vying for the title. “The Bondi to Bronte is growing, and the North Bondi Roughwater is really popular in Bondi,” Mr Slade said. “It’s just about the right timing. Any of the swims at the end of January and the beginning of February are probably the most popular.” Zoe Little from 4 SEAsons Swim, an ocean swim training group based out of Bondi Beach, said they have around 50 to 60 people in their group. “It’s a sport that covers all ages and all levels of fitness. It’s very accessible to people if they’re prepared to get out of the pool and into the ocean,” she said. Over on the north side of the bridge, the Big Swim Series will start in December with the Bilgola Ocean Swim on Sunday, December 13. The Bilgola swim will be followed by Newport on January 3, Avalon on January 17, and Mona Vale on January 24. These are all 1.5 to 2-kilometre events that lead up to the 2.75-kilometre Big Swim from Palm Beach to Whale Beach on January 31. For more information about the entire Sydney summer ocean swimming calendar, visit www.oceanfit.com.au/ oceanswims.

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Local Sport From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

SPONSORSHIP KEEPS CHOPPER FLYING Randwick City Council has announced ongoing joint sponsorship of the Surf Life Saving NSW rescue helicopter, based at La Perouse. Council’s support, along that of major sponsor Westpac, will help the chopper continue its service across the Greater Sydney area. Randwick will donate $15,000 annually in a community partnership agreement with the service for the next three years. It is the only local council in NSW that provides sponsorship. Known as the Westpac Life Saver Rescue Helicopter, it is manned seven-daysa-week by experienced volunteer crews, pilots and ground staff. MULTI-SPORT HOLIDAY CAMPS AT MAROUBRA Now is the time to enrol your 3-12 year-old children in the Murphy Sports Holiday Camps, which will be held between December 21 and January 22 at Maroubra Sports Club. The action-packed camps run daily from 9am to 3pm. Sports include soccer, AFL, hockey, minitennis, cricket, netball, athletics, basketball, volleyball, Oz Tag, Olympic handball, lacrosse and

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more. Sign-in is from 8.15am and after-care is available from 3pm to 5.30pm. Half-day camps are available for 3-4 year-olds. For more information, call Damian on 0424 745 778 or visit www.murphysports.com.au. MESS-TIVAL MAKES ITS WAY TO NORTH BONDI Summer will officially return this year on Sunday, December 6 from 8am to 12pm when Aussie Mangoes partners with the North Bondi Nippers once again for the annual Mess-tival. Held on Bondi Beach each year, Mess-tival is a one-day festival celebrating the peak of the mango season in Australia and the official start of summer, whilst also raising funds for the North Bondi Surf Club. It is held at North Bondi Surf Life Saving Club and it is free a event. Visit www.mangoes.net.au. BIG SIXES IN PINK AT THE SCG The Sydney Sixers play their first home Big Bash match against the Hobart Hurricanes on Sunday, December 20, as they start their bid to bring home the trophy after a near miss last season. The match gets underway at 4.20pm at the

SCG, and there’ll be another match at the same venue a week later against the Melbourne Stars on December 27, starting at 7.10pm. Headed by Steve Smith and Mitchell Starc, the Sixers are again expected to be up amongst the big boys when the whips are cracking at the business end of the competition. Visit www.sydneysixers.com.au. RANDY PETES BID TO BRING HOME THE BACON Randwick Petersham are set to face off against archrivals Sydney University for the Twenty20 Cup. The final, to be held at 2.30pm at Coogee Oval on November 29, should be an entertaining clash between two teams adept at performing on the big occasion. In their first grade two-day fixtures, the Randy Petes have been in patchy form and will be looking for maximum points when they host Sutherland at Petersham Oval on December 5 and 12. Eastern Suburbs will face two away trips in December, including a trip to Hurstville Oval to play St George in a one-day match on December 19. Visit www.sydneygrade.nsw.cricket. com.au for more information.

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December 2015 | The Beast 49

December Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

1 2 3 8 9 10 14 15 16 17 21 22 23 24 29 31 ANIMAL EXPLOSION Blank Space Gallery in Surry Hills is set to explode from now until December 24 with ATTY’s third exhibition titled ‘Animal Explosion – Bonnie Strikes Back’. ATTY will display original animal explosion pieces of work. Preview the exhibition at www.atty.com.au.

BE A BUSHCARE VOLUNTEER Become a bushcare volunteer and work with Randwick Council's bushcare officers on the bush regeneration program. Get involved at the corner of Dooligah Avenue and Burragulung Street, Randwick. Work runs from 9am-12pm. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

MOONLIGHT CINEMA Moonlight Cinema is Australia’s favourite open-air cinema, screening advance previews, contemporary, cult and classic movies on the lawns of Belvedere Amphitheatre in Centennial Park. For more information, visit www.moonlight.com.au/sydney.

BONDI: NOT JUST A BEACH Bondi isn't just sand, sea and bikinis. It can be a grungy, overcrowded, youthful, excitingly diverse tourist Mecca, and a symbol of what Sydney stands for. This exhibition, titled ‘Bondi: Not Just A Beach’ is on at Bondi Pavilion from December 2-20.

CAROLS BY THE SEA Waverley’s Carols by the Sea will take place on Wednesday, December 10 at Bondi Park from 5pm8.30pm. Local youth groups will kick off the festivities at 5.30pm with musical entertainment, followed by a night of Christmas favourites from 7pm onwards.

HAPPY CHANUKAH The Festival of Lights got underway on the evening of December 6 and runs until December 14, so dust off your menorah, don your favourite yarmulke, dish out some gelt to the tin lids and celebrate like only Jews know how – for eight whole days!

HOLIDAY TENNIS PROGRAM Rushcutters Bay Tennis Centre’s School Holiday Programs are designed for children aged 4-14 years of all levels of ability. They run through December and January. They are an excellent way for children to experience the game of tennis. Call 9357 7332.

HELP SHAPE MOORE PARK Moore Park is turning 150 years old and they the community is invited to help shape the future of this important public park. To find out more information about how you can get involved in the process, visit www.centennialparklands. com.au/mooreparkfuture.

EQ MARKETS WELCOME TRUCKS The EQ Village Markets is excited to announce the arrival of farmers’ trucks, driven down the long roads overnight from the country to Moore Park. The EQ Village Markets are open every Wednesday and Saturday from 9am–2pm. Visit www.eqmoorepark.com.au.

MOVE WELL EXERCISE CLASS Move Well is an exercise program at the Gaden Centre specially designed to accommodate older clients. Move Well has two classes from 8.30am to 9.30am and 9.30am to 10.30am every Tuesday and Thursday. To reserve your place, call Sarah on 9302 3600.

HOLIDAY SPORT CAMPS Enrol your 3-12 year-old children in Murphy Sports Holiday Camps, held between December 21 and January 22 at Maroubra Sports Club. The action-packed camps run daily from 9am-3pm. Please call 0424 745 778 or visit www.murphysports.com.au.

JAPANESE BOOK BABIES Babies Love Books in Japanese is a monthly program for children 0-5 years from 11.30am-12pm at Margaret Martin Library. Children can enjoy music, rhymes and stories every month. Cost is free, and no bookings are required. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

QT BONDI SET TO OPEN QT Bondi is scheduled to open this month and will provide the best upmarket accommodation in Bondi. Be sure to book your relatives in if they live elsewhere and they’re coming to join you for Christmas by the beach. Visit www.qthotels.com.au.

LAST MINUTE SHOPPING It’s Christmas Eve and there’s every chance you need to do some or all of your last minute Christmas shopping. Try and get down to Bondi Junction Westfield or your shopping complex of choice as early as possible, as the crowds are bound to be large.

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GET LOST IN NATURE Lost Paradise is a bespoke music festival set in Glenworth Valley from December 29-31. Explore the magic beyond the worldclass line-up, including a creekside yoga tent and full service spa. For more info, please visit www.lostparadise.com.au.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR It’s time to bid farewell to the year that was. Randwick City Council heralds in the New Year with a family friendly fireworks event at Coogee Beach commencing at 9pm, and the best views of the city fireworks are from Waverley’s Dudley Page Reserve.

For heaps more local events, just visit...

2015 Friday

Saturday

Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

Sunday

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CODE CLUB This free club is for children in school years 4-6 who want to learn how to make computer games, animations and websites. It runs from 4-5pm at Bowen Library. Places are limited. Download an application form at www. randwick.nsw.gov.au/library.

COOGEE FAMILY FUN DAY Coogee Family Fun Day is on today down at the beach and it’s celebrating its 21st birthday. KINGSFORD NOODLE MARKETS Get down to Meeks Street, Kingsford between 12pm and 9pm for Asian street food, lion dancers and much more.

BONDI TO BRONTE SWIM The 15th Bondi to Bronte is on today. For more info, please visit www.bonditobronte.com.au. MESS-TIVAL AT NORTH BONDI From 8am-12pm, Aussie Mangoes will partner with the North Bondi Nippers for the annual Mess-tival. Visit www.mangoes.net.au.

FOOD ADDICTS Are you having a hard time controlling your eating? Are you severely overweight, underweight or bulimic? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall in Maroubra. Visit www.foodaddicts.org.

PONY RIDES Hand–led pony rides at Centennial Park give children a wonderful introductory horse riding experience every Saturday and Sunday. The pony rides are for kids aged 2-11 years, cost $15 per person and run from 10am-2pm. Visit www. ponyrides.eventbrite.com.au.

KEEP BRONTE BEAUTIFUL Grab your shorts, some mates, the kids, and roll up your sleeves to help keep Bronte Beach beautiful. Meet at 4pm today at the main steps for a safety briefing and to grab your gloves. You can also collect data on the rubbish that has been recycled at 5pm.

CHRISTMAS IN THE CITY Each night until Christmas the city of Sydney will be transformed into a magical place. From Hyde Park to Martin Place, and Town Hall to Darling Harbour, Sydney will be a lit up, festive and colourful city to stroll through. Visit www.sydneychristmas.com.au.

LAST GRADE ROUND Randwick Petersham will be looking to dominate against Penrith at Howell Oval today. Eastern Suburbs face two away trips in December, including a trip to Hurstville Oval to play St George in a one-dayer today. Visit www. sydneygrade.nsw.cricket.com.au.

COOGEE CAROLS The Coogee Carols will take place at Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach tonight from 6.30pm. Each year this free event draws an audience from local and surrounding areas for a relaxed night of fun celebrating community, family and the spirit of Christmas.

CHRISTMAS DAY It’s time to give and receive presents while pretending to like those given to you and trying your best to seem as generous as possible. Once that’s done, you can enjoy the day with family and friends while stuffing your face with turkey and a few cold beers.

BOATS, BATS, BALLS, BOXING Nurse your Christmas Day hangover by watching the Sydney to Hobart yachts cruise past from the harbour or the local cliff tops. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, switch on the idiot box to catch the first day of the Boxing Day test match on Channel 9.

BIG SIXES IN PINK AT THE SCG The Sydney Sixers play their second home match against the Melbourne Stars tonight, starting at 7.10pm. Headed by Steve Smith and Mitchell Starc, the Sixers are again expected to be up amongst the big boys of the competition. Visit www.sydneysixers.com.au.

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Fencing David Skene Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0415 401 587 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

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Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

Shooting Straight

Bryan Brown Interview James Hutton Photography Jeremy Greive

Where did you grow up and spend your formative years? I'm a westie. I grew up in Panania, which is in the Bankstown municipality. I moved there when I was about three or four and lived there until I was 25. It was a Housing Commission house, and I moved there from a hostel in the back of Lindfield they had called Bradfield Park. That was the first Housing Commission house we were offered. You get offered three, and even if you turn down the third one you have to take it, so Mum took the first one. We ended up at Panania, which was the end of the suburbs with swamps and trees and everything. All I did was bloody run around, having a ball.

tastic day and then at like 4pm or something she’d go, "Okay, we've got to go home now." I'd get in the bus and I'd look out the back and there would be all these blonde headed kids my age who didn't have to go home.

I'd get in the bus and I'd look out the back and there would be all these blonde headed kids my age who didn't have to go home.

Do you spend much time in the Eastern Suburbs? I couldn't live in the Eastern Suburbs because I'm a westie, simple as that, but of course I spend time there. I love Bondi. In fact, I think Bondi is one of the greatest beaches in the world. It's the shape or something about it. I've got a mate that lives up the north end. I sit on his balcony in the evening watching the sun coming down over that place, and I go, “There’s something magic about this joint.” I like the fact that it is a place that anyone's allowed to go to, whether it be tourists or Aussies from out west. I love that about the joint.

How would you describe your acting style? It's really hard to talk about what you do because a lot of what you do in anything is instinct. It doesn't matter if you're a painter or you're a plumber, or anything. It is instinct about how to do the job properly. That's why you end up in a joint. Most painters have their technique, but a good artist has their instinct and a way that they express things that are in their head. It’s about how they see things. A lot of stuff comes down to instinct. I guess my whole thing has been searching for that honesty of connecting with a character where people will say, “He's just being himself.” To me, that's about the best compliment I can possibly get, because if I can be that natural then that's what I'm aiming for.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? I don't think there's anything that gets my goat about the Eastern Suburbs. I think the thing that most annoys me about the Eastern Suburbs and places like Bondi is that when I was a little kid, twice a year my mum would say, “We're going to the beach.” We'd have this fan-

You made it to Hollywood in the 1980s; what was it like being a laidback Aussie living in the fishbowl over there? It's a funny place, Hollywood. There are lot of very bright people there, and a lot of really talented people too. You can have a lot of fun there and I was a young bloke. I wandered in there and went, "Wow, there’s a lot

Where do you live now? I live down the bottom of Balmain. I’m still a westie.

of good looking girls here," which was pretty nice being a single bloody Aussie bloke over there. One of the things that always jarred with me, though - and I don't mean this in any sort of superficial or disrespectful way - but the amount of money was the power of the place. You could just feel that the money was so much. I don't mind making money and it's given me a good life. I've travelled the world and everything, but it's like eating too much chocolate… you start to feel sick. What brought you back to Australia after gaining good traction over there? Eventually I got married and I had kids, and that was easy at the time. I could put them under the arm and Rachel could put them under her arm, and we'd go off and do things. But as they got to around four and five years old it was all about where they were going to go to school. Where's their stability going to be? I had real trouble becoming a yank, because if I was going to live there, out of respect, you have to become a yank. They're not the same as us and I knew that I'd always be a square peg in a round hole. As much as I'd have really good fun with people, I just didn't fit. Here I can say anything I like. If I don't like a politician I can stand up in the papers and say it. If I don't like how things are going on here I can say it, because I have the right and I was born here. It’s the same for anyone who immigrates here; you take on the place you immigrate to. To give up being able to state what I think Australia should be, or how we should be, and to take on saying how America should be was a really hard thing to think about. I ended up going, “There are 300 million Americans and they don't need me. There are only 20 million Australians and they need me.”

December 2015 | The Beast 53

What do you rate as your greatest film performance? I don't know. I can talk about movies that I've liked and really enjoyed playing in, and it comes back to the character. And I've had a few of them. I was lucky enough to play Peter Handcock in 'Breaker Morant', which was a really good character. I've become very fond of that character. I liked playing Coughlin in 'Cocktail' too. People quote lines to me all over the place from that character. He ended up committing suicide and he was full of shit, but I liked his bravado. I liked who he wanted to be. I also played this character in 'Dead Heart' that I really liked, this cop, and Pando in ‘Two Hands’ was a bloody good character to play. He had great humour for a really brutal bastard, and I liked that. I named my son after a character I played in 'A Town Like Alice'. He was called Joe Harmon and I liked that character so my son got called Joe. Did you stay in touch with Tom Cruise after co-starring with him in ‘Cocktail’? I've seen Tom probably about four times. In fact, I did a movie with Simon Pegg recently and Simon went off to do 'Mission Impossible' afterwards. I didn't realise this at the time, but then he sent me a text from Austria or somewhere saying, "I'm sitting here with Tom; he sends his best and asks how's it all going?” I don't really keep in contact, but if I saw Tom we'd have a laugh and ask one another if we’re still getting free beers from every pub we walk into, because that's exactly what happened after 'Cocktail'. Who's the best actor you've ever worked with? A lot of people are good. I'm a bit of fan of the old Ben Mendelsohn. I think Ben's quite capable of all genres. He's got a dark bloody thing in there, but his irony is terrific on screen. Sigourney Weaver is a very good actress. I worked with Sigourney on 'Gorillas in the Mist'. It's really hard because the good people that people talk about are good; it's as simple as that. They didn't get there because they're crook. I think the thing about acting is you can only be average in an average part, but if you get the right role for you that really fits you like a glove, you can be bloody fantastic.

54 The Beast | December 2015

When it comes to films, do you look for quality over potential box office takings? I've been a bit lucky. I've been involved with some big box office things, like ‘Cocktail’ and 'Along Came Polly' with Ben Stiller - he's a good comic that man; Jesus, he's funny. They were big movies, so luckily I've been able to mix it up. I like really good relationship movies. They can still fit a genre - they can still be crime or they can still be a love story but you just want the people to be as real as possible so that they are able to touch you emotionally. I look for that. What’s the best Aussie film of all time? I was very affected by 'The Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith', and 'Gallipoli' was also very good. In recent years, there have been some terrific movies like 'Animal Kingdom'.

If I don't like how things are going on here I can say it, because I have the right and I was born here. Now let's talk about 'Let's Talk About', which was written and directed by your daughter, Matilda, and which you appear in; what was it like working with Matilda? I've worked with Matilda before. We did another thing called 'Lessons from the Grave', which was a series of three-minute episodes that we sold to the ABC. We have a lot of fun working together and I really dig her creatively, and I really like her tone about things. She makes me feel good working with her. I like to pursue the stuff she's trying to pursue, and make it as good as possible. We talk a lot; she will send me the scripts and I will comment on them and we'll keep working on them. She will write them, but she likes to get feedback and I like to give it. How much of an influence would you say you've had over Matilda's career progression, and did you and your wife, Rachel Ward, lead her down the acting/directing path? She sort of found her own way, although this collaboration

we've had on these little movies that she does, which we’ve done with 'Lessons From the Grave' and 'Let's Talk About', have come about from me kicking her in the arse and going, "Listen, when you've got nothing to do and I've got nothing to do why don't we do something together?" I've probably had a considerable influence, but only by probably giving her a boot up the arse, but not in terms of telling her how to be creatively or anything. She's her own person. 'Let's Talk About' is a Presto local production; can you see TV moving more towards these kinds of streaming services? Well it is, isn't it? I mean it's all very different to five years ago. Free to air was everything then. I think with the advent of smart phones, you can just do so much on them. I'll walk down and see someone watching something while sitting at a bus stop, and they're actually watching a TV show or a movie. It's a platform for storytelling. That platform wasn't there before. The only platform was television or the big screen. There are so many more platforms now. They require content and it's the young people's world. Matilda never watches TV; she's always watching stuff on her computer or downloading it or whatever. The really interesting stuff is coming away from free to air and going to these other platforms. It's the way of the world. Where it ends up and how it ends up I have no idea, but I do remember when I was a young actor we'd be in people's garages with an old sheet up playing a Super 8 film that someone had shot. We were always searching for platforms to put things on. Maybe this is a bit better than an old sheet, though. What is 'Let's Talk About' all about? I think 'Let's Talk About' is about growing up. We all get to a stage where we’ve got to grow up. That doesn't mean we give away being a silly idiot, but we go, "I’ve got a certain responsibility that I've got to step into here." Somewhere along the line for a bloke, you get married and you have a kid and you go, “Holy shit, this is really different. I can't come home drunk and I can't get up every morning with a hangover with my kids jumping on my stomach at 5.30am. Things have changed.” And when things change,

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you either step up to the mark or you become a f**kwit. There ain't a choice. You have to move into that next area of life. This is a great story of a young bloke who is in a relationship with a girl and after six weeks they find out she's pregnant. It’s the journey surrounding the fact that they're going to have the baby and what exactly that means, and finally at the end of it all he has stepped into another life and there's a baby there. You play Barry, Matilda’s character Claire’s father in the show; is the relationship onscreen similar to that in real life? Probably in certain areas, because we do stuff around and we do like laughing, the pair of us, and we have a similar sense of humour about stuff. The big thing about it is that Barry loves Claire and I love Matilda.

We're not talking about boats, we're talking about people. Where are the people in this scenario? What other actors appear in 'Let's Talk About'? Richard Davies, who most people know as Jimmy Proudman from ‘Offspring’, plays Ben, who is Claire’s boyfriend. Steve Le Marquand, who I just did 'Blue Dog' with, which is the sequel to 'Red Dog', is also in there. And Lisa Hensley plays Claire’s mother. Lisa's an actress that's been around for a good 20 years, and she is a very good actress. She plays a neurotic as hell mother who thinks that her daughter’s boyfriend is a clown and she cannot believe that her daughter is going to have a baby with him. It's a little confronting. How did you meet your wife, Rachel? We met while doing ‘The Thorn Birds', which was a big miniseries in America. She was playing the lead in it with Richard Chamberlain and they wanted me for one of the main roles in it. We met there and she just couldn't help herself. You're very passionate about the issue of holding asylum seekers in detention; what's your opinion

56 The Beast | December 2015

about the detention centres in Nauru and Christmas Island, and the so-called ‘turning back the boats’? I never liked any of those slogans, ‘turn back the boats’ and things like that. We're not talking about boats, we're talking about people. Where are the people in this scenario? And that’s even with Malcolm (Turnbull) in charge, and I've always liked Malcolm. I know him personally, and I think he's a very bright man. I'm sort of glad he's the prime minister, but I just don't like the way this whole scenario is talked about, and how the humanity of these people is taken out. I remember there was a thing called ‘children overboard’, and they were saying that the refugees were throwing their children in the ocean. Nobody throws their children in the ocean. No parent would do that. Some evil bastard way off might, but no group of people does a thing like that. No child should be in detention, no child should be behind razor wire, and no child should have to grow up that way. They will be so mentally scarred that we'll pay for it. In some way, down the line, the scarring that we cause those children, us or our children will pay for that. I know this is a really complex deal, but I think at the moment the world hasn't gone, “Hey, this has to be all of us working out what happens to these 25-30 million people that are displaced.” This is a big deal. It's not going to go away. The world is going to be affected by it and so the people in charge and the people that we get to represent us, I want to see them working out what we’re going to do with these displaced people. This means working out how to humanely look after them, how they get fed and how they get educated, because we're going to have to do it. Do you support any charities at the moment? Yeah, I’m always involved with different things. I'm involved with a group called San Miguel out in the west. It's a place that looks after women and children who have hit bad times and are on the street, whether it’s through domestic violence or whatever. Once a year we try and raise about $150,000. Do you have any advice for up and coming actors and actresses? I'd say the same thing to an actor or an actress as I'd probably say to any young person. In the arts, there's

no one plus one equals two. There's no criteria, except that people like your work, like your painting or like how you act. There's plenty of rejection while you're trying to get to that place. If you believe in yourself, back yourself, hang in, and hang in as long as you can hang in, because it could be that the break you want is just around the corner. That's all I'd say: believe in yourself and hang in there. Who were your role models when you started your acting career? It's quite interesting because when I started out there was really no such thing as an Australian actor. One of the big things I noticed when I went to the theatre was that I'd see Australians putting on American accents. I loved Michael Caine and Sean Connery because they weren't being Americans, but they were very big stars, and I liked how they did their stuff. With regard to funding for the arts, do you think the government should chip in more taxpayer money? I do. I mean we're very lucky. Both governments, Labor and Liberal, since the late '60s when the Film Commission was set up, have supported a film and television industry. They have put restrictions on the television channels meaning that they have to have a certain amount of Australian content, and without that push we wouldn't be doing things. Would we like them to do more? Of course we would, but you tell me one area that doesn't. Are we supported? Yes, we're supported. In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Bryan Brown? I hope that I don't waste what's left. I figure I'm in the late afternoon and the twilight might be down there, and then the dark of the night. I'm still surfing and I'm still a very active guy. I don't want to be a person who stops thinking, and I don't want to be a person who stops making movies. I don't want to stop being a bloke who is an Australian who believes in the place and will fight where I can for it to be as good a place as possible. 'Let's Talk About' is now available exclusively to Presto subscribers on presto.com.au.

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The least gruesome result of a 'Noma' Google image search.

A High Price To Pay For Gangrenous Genitals Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Rene Redzepi

his is not the first time I’ve put pen to paper to pillory Sydney’s food ‘scene’ and I’m quite sure it won’t be the last. So long as Sydneysiders obsess over celebrity chefs and ‘snow eggs’ there will be room in this column for a dash or two of ridicule. I was alerted to the latest foodie phenomenon to ruffle my feathers by a press release the lovely editors of this little rag forwarded on to me during the month, with the accompanying email text reading something along the lines of: “This twat is charging $485 for a three-course lunch and he’s probably going to get away with it. Someone must call bullshit on this ridiculous flaunting of wealth. I’ll leave it to you good sir. If you’re not in the mood to call them out, you’re probably the only bloke I know who could afford to make a booking, so you should find it useful regardless. Good luck and godspeed.” The ‘twat’ in question is none other than culinary maestro Rene Redzepi, owner of the

60 The Beast | December 2015

famed Noma restaurant in Denmark. Any foodie worth their Himalayan rock salt would be well aware that Mr Redzepi has moved out to the land down under and will open a restaurant (for a limited time only) down at Barangaroo. To give some further background to those not in the know, the name ‘Noma’ is apparently a portmanteau of the two Danish words ‘nordisk’ (Nordic) and ‘mad’ (food), but when I did a Google image search for the term, the result was quite shocking. It turns out that ‘Noma’ is also “a rapidly progressive, polymicrobial, often gangrenous infection of the mouth or genitals.” Sounds pretty appetising, right? You should check it out. I can guarantee that no amount of kitchen wizardry will remove that taste from your mouth. As it happens, despite the $485 price tag, tickets for Noma’s ten-week stint in the harbour city sold out in a flash. Demand for seats at the swanky restaurant, of which there

were 5,600 over the two-month residency, was so strong that the booking system, Tock, apparently processed over one million US dollars in two minutes. According to the ticketing firm that owns ‘Tock’, as the tickets went on sale, Noma received 84,000 page views a minute - it’s amazing what affect low interest rates have on consumers’ purchasing decisions. The world has clearly gone mad. While I must admit that I’m a tad bitter that I won’t get a chance to shoot some incredibly illustrious ‘food porn’ to post to my social media accounts, I’m sure I can find some way to put the $485 that remains in my pocket to good use. It’ll probably buy me around 50 chicken burgers down at Plumer Road or feed a family of starving Africans for a year. Heck, I may even be able to cure a few of those Africans of that terrible affliction that I mentioned earlier while I’m at it. Either way, it’ll save me a trip to that eyesore that is Barangaroo, and I can certainly be thankful for that.

What is the most you've ever paid for dinner for two people? Interview and Pictures Marcus Braid

David, North Bondi

Jackie, Coogee

It would be a lot; it would probably be $1,500 Australian. I own this business called Cook and Waiter. I’m in the food industry. It’s never all food; there’s a lot of wine involved as well.

Probably about $200. It depends which restaurant you’re going to. You should get a decent dinner with BYO for $100. I wouldn’t be interested in the higher end.

Bernadette, Bondi

About $150 for two people. It depends on what you’re eating. Some of the prices are crazy. Obviously there’s a market there for it, but it’s pretty small.

Larnick, Botany

I would say around $300. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t my kind of food, and in terms of quantity, it wasn’t filling.

Lucia, Bondi

I think it was $158. It was worth it because it was good food. It’s not good to pay lots of money, because it’s a rip-off.

Peter, Coogee

One hundred bucks. It wasn’t worth it. Those high-end prices are f**cked. Food doesn’t cost that much. If you’re in a business, sure, mark it up, but not that much.

December 2015 | The Beast 61

Freedom is a state of mind.

Words To Live By Words Elizabeth Major Picture Scott Howard

he best and worst thing about social media is that it has made philosophers of us all. Inspired, broken-hearted, liberal, social, uneducated and brave, we all have a quote to perfectly capture our most private of moments in order to assuage our misery with a public broadcast. My favourite incarnation of this very modern phenomenon is the half-naked selfie with a philosophical caption underneath. I'm sure the bikini-clad girl beaming out from my smart phone has no idea who ‘Virginia wolf ’ actually is, otherwise she most probably would’ve gone to the trouble of spelling her name correctly. Or at least bothered to capitalise her surname. I may be wrong. The reference to her latent wild spirit could possibly be a true cry for an expansion of consciousness; I doubt she is doing it for the ‘likes’. I mean nobody who quotes Marilyn Monroe could ever be accused of being shallow, could they? And nothing quite says intellectual like a quote

62 The Beast | December 2015

from Albert Camus, especially if the scribe is a little dyslexic with his last name. But if anyone is seriously thinking about posting a quote that has come from Kanye West’s word hole, just stop. You're banned from the Internet. It's not even funny. Of course some of the worst offenders when it comes to social media philosophy are the people who put up the quote without the reference. Just because you don’t recognise Oscar Wilde’s words does not mean you get to claim them as your own. A dead giveaway to this ignorance is the blatant disregard for the original context - Winston Churchill was not talking about that one last rep in your Crossfit WOD when he said: “If you're going through hell, keep going.” Further still, if anyone is thinking about posting a really good face shot to Facebook, taken in a bathroom with a toilet in the background, no less, you should simply ask for the kind of attention you seek. I'm

sure if it was captioned "Tell me I'm pretty, I feel insecure today" people would appreciate the honesty and offer you some kind of reassurance. Better still, if anyone out there is feeling a little fat, allow the masses to see what you're actually eating. If you're lucky, one the many personal trainers you know in the Eastern Suburbs will assess your diet and give you a pseudoscientific explanation for your saddlebags (probably gluten), then you can work on their removal (and document the process, of course). On a final note, I really wish that all the Instagram addicts would upload their sunset pictures without the hashtags, because it's clear they fail to grasp their basic function and nobody is searching the term ‘whatisreality’ anyway. I only hope that the ‘Be Brave’ motto they use will encourage them in their daily fight against how terrifying their first world problems really are.

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December 2015 | The Beast 63

Subject Golden dump Location Bondi Photographer Dale Fraser

Subject Into another dimension Location Bondi Photographer Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Dawn patrol Location Bronte Photographer Andrew Midlam - @chasing_the_curl

Subject Clear as crystal Location Bondi Photographer Amaury Tréguer - FB: Morning Bondi

Subject Beached merman Location Gordon's Bay Photographer Mark Davies

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Intersection Location Bondi Photographer Gavin Allen - @sydneysurfers

Subject Leaning lorikeet Location Bronte Photographer Richard Alma

Subject Dusky dips Location Bondi Photographer Taylor Wong - @twongphotography

Subject Red rocket Location Maroubra Photographer Nicholas Melas - @nickymelas

Subject Two surfers Location Bronte Photographer Andrew Midlam - @chasing_the_curl

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Latham's Snipe (Gallinago hardwickii) warily wading the wetlands.

Shy, Wary, Skulking Marsh-dweller… Latham’s Snipe Words Keith Hutton Picture Ken Jones

nipe are small to medium size, skulking, marsh-dwelling wading birds with very long bills and relatively short legs. There are three species that visit Australia between August and March each year, after breeding in the Northern Hemisphere. Latham’s Snipe, which is also known as Japanese Snipe, is the only one that has been observed in the Sydney region, following breeding that occurs mainly in northern Japan. Latham’s Snipe are medium sized waders with cryptic plumage, about the same size as feral pigeons. They spend most of their time on the ground in swampy areas, where they are well camouflaged. Usually they freeze and sit tight when approached, or burst from cover with rapid zig-zag flight and a sharp, wheezy, grating call, then quickly drop down close by; or they tower up into the sky, sometimes repeating the alarm call, and fly further. When seen well they are intricately marked: rufous, black and buff, with bold brown stripes and cream streaks on the upper parts;

66 The Beast | December 2015

flanks barred brown, and mostly white below. Sexes are alike year round, and juveniles and young birds resemble adults. Latham’s Snipe are summer migrants to the whole of eastern Australia, west to the Eyre Peninsular and down to Tasmania. Virtually the total world population visits eastern Australia annually. They are non-breeding visitors in the southeast and passage migrants in the north. They occur singly or in loose parties in freshwater marshes, water meadows and sewage treatment plants, where they prefer soft wet ground, or shallow water with tussocks and other vegetation growth. Generally they are inconspicuous, but may be locally common. However, in the Sydney region they are scarce and may turn up in a range of suitable areas, such as those in Centennial Parklands, or any other vegetated, wet, swampy places in the Eastern Suburbs. Latham’s Snipe feed by probing in soft mud with the sensitive flexible tip of their bill, mainly at dawn and dusk,

and into the night. They are omnivorous and eat earthworms, spiders, flies, crickets and a whole range of different insects and their larvae, in addition to plant material, including seeds of grasses, sedges, rushes and reeds, together with those of many other flowering plants. Hunting and modification of habitat have probably affected some populations. In Australia they were formally legally hunted, but now they are completely protected. Declines in abundance were recorded in Tasmania, coastal and northern NSW, and Victoria last century into the 1970s, followed by a slight but not significant increase. The national population has not changed in more recent times, but there have been regional variations that probably relate to local seasonal conditions. Internationally, conservation status for Latham’s Snipe is currently of least concern and they are considered secure in Japan and in all Australian states where they occur, with the exception of Victoria where they are vulnerable.

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December 2015 | The Beast 67

Tasty, but too labour-intensive.

Christmas, Crustaceans And Connections Words and Picture Dan Trotter

ith our favourite time of the year almost upon us, it really is time to finalise holiday plans, study your fishing diary, check the tides, memorise sunrise and sunset times, familiarise yourself with the moon phases, and get to thinking seriously about the fish you want to catch. The Christmas and New Year holiday break is both the perfect time to stop and do nothing and also to get in some dedicated fishing sessions, whether solo or with those who share the passion by your side. Make sure you start to factor this very important time into your and everyone else’s schedule and let them know how important it is to you. You don’t work hard all year just to be told you can only fish when it suits everyone else. Make the plans, make yourself heard, and get others to work around you, or have them make their own plans so you can have the time you’ve been looking forward to on the water chasing your favourite finned adversaries.

68 The Beast | December 2015

If you’ve been reading The Beast for a few years, or any fishing magazine in Australia, it should go without saying that you need to focus your efforts on the change of tides, the change of light, and ideally the days leading up to the full moon, all of which will be near perfect in the week leading up to Christmas. This this year the high tides fall within an hour of dawn and dusk across the 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23rd and 24th of December, and a full moon will rise on Christmas night. There really isn’t much more you could ask for, except maybe for it to fall a week later, when it’s guaranteed you will be on holidays. As for target species, it really has to be about mulloway on the inshore and estuary grounds, yellowtail kingfish almost everywhere, and tasty crustaceans wherever you can find them. Crabs of all species should be around in decent numbers both up and down the coast, with the muddies getting evermore plentiful the further north you travel.

There should also be a handful of crayfish for those amongst us who are partial to time beneath the surface, eyes searching dark cracks for antennae and spiny signs of life. Of course the harbours and estuaries are likely to be full of life, and the cobalt currents far offshore will be wild with mahi mahi, marlin and occasional tuna. If you’re keen for a seafood feast this Christmas, it could be worth investing in a vacuum sealer: catch your fish now, scoop your prawns on the next dark of the moon and preserve them all carefully for a feast you can be proud to say you caught yourself. Be sure to abide by the laws, know your size and bag limits, and make the most of the bounty you take from the ocean. Thanks for reading my articles the past 12 months, have a great summer holiday, love your partners, care for your parents and enjoy your friends – it is them that make our lives so special.

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December 2015 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Nicholas Melas - @nickymelas

MON

TUE

WED

THU

FRI

SAT

SUN

1 0104 0639 1259 1945

1.29 0.62 1.62 0.45

2 0157 0731 1346 2034

1.26 0.69 1.50 0.50

3 0251 0830 1439 2124

= 1.26 0.73 1.41 0.54

4 0348 0935 1537 2214

1.29 0.75 1.35 0.55

5 0443 1044 1639 2302

1.34 0.73 1.31 0.54

6 0533 1146 1737 2347

1.41 0.67 1.31 0.52

7 0619 1.49 1242 0.60 1830 1.32

8 0030 0700 1330 1916

0.50 1.57 0.53 1.34

9 0108 0740 1411 2000

0.48 1.64 0.45 1.35

10 0145 0816 1450 2041

0.47 1.71 0.39 1.37

11 0223 0854 1530 2122

= 0.45 1.76 0.34 1.38

12 0301 0932 1609 2204

0.45 1.81 0.30 1.38

13 0342 1013 1650 2248

0.45 1.83 0.28 1.38

14 0426 1055 1733 2334

0.46 1.82 0.28 1.37

15 0512 0.49 1139 1.79 1819 0.30

16 0025 0603 1227 1909

1.37 0.52 1.73 0.32

17 0118 0700 1318 2001

1.37 0.56 1.66 0.34

18 0216 0801 1416 2057

1.39 0.58 1.58 0.37

19 0317 0912 1522 2154

= 1.44 0.59 1.50 0.38

20 0420 1027 1631 2251

1.51 0.56 1.45 0.38

21 0520 1140 1741 2347

1.61 0.50 1.42 0.37

22 0617 1.71 1247 0.41 1845 1.42

23 0040 0711 1347 1944

0.36 1.80 0.32 1.43

24 0131 0802 1441 2037

0.36 1.88 0.25 1.43

25 0220 0851 1530 2128

= 0.37 1.92 0.22 1.43

26 0308 0938 1616 2215

0.39 1.92 0.22 1.41

27 0354 1022 1700 2301

0.42 1.89 0.25 1.39

28 0439 1104 1741 2345

0.47 1.82 0.30 1.36

29 0523 0.53 1145 1.73 1821 0.37

30 0029 0607 1224 1900

1.34 0.59 1.62 0.43

31 0113 0653 1304 1941

1.32 0.65 1.52 0.49

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December 2015 | The Beast 71

Strategically concealed within a fortress of urchins.

Blacklip Black Market Words and Picture Pascal Geraghty

ome people get seriously turned on by abalones. God knows why. Well, actually, I do know why, but I don’t buy into it. Seeing a particular part of the female anatomy in the underside of an abalone is wishful thinking, not to mention reliant on a vivid, if somewhat seedy, imagination. Those who subscribe to the aphrodisiacal qualities of abs are actually guilty of a foot fetish, for the part of the creature that is both eyed-up and eaten is in fact just that: its foot. Others swear by the gastronomic qualities of abalones. Again, I’m not convinced. With regard to the few morsels I’ve eaten, I’d quite frankly have preferred to chew a slice off my BF Goodrich All Terrains. I’ve since been assured, however, that the person manning the barbecue was squarely to blame, having neglected to first tenderise the freshly shucked flesh for 48 hours with a sledgehammer. My opinions aside, abalones are amongst the most highly prized and valuable marine animals on the planet, famous

72 The Beast | December 2015

for supporting lucrative and dangerous commercial fisheries, and equally lucrative black markets. But to know nothing more of these titillating snails than their fiscal worth and edibility would be doing them a grave injustice indeed. The abalones we find suctioncupped to our rocky reefs out the front are of the blacklip variety (Haliotis rubra). The species is found only in Australia and exists in southern waters from Angourie in New South Wales to Rottnest Island in Western Australia, including around Tasmania. The blacklip abalone is a shy, cryptic creature, generally inhabiting underwater crevices and caves between five and ten metres deep. It exercises a strictly Bondi-esque vegan diet, grazing predominantly on seagrass leaves and encrusting red algae on rocks. It is also overtly modest, proving the old adage that appearances can be deceiving. Clad in a veritable ‘yowie suit’ of seaweed, sponges, tube worms and even barnacles, these ear-shaped

shells, while expertly camouflaged, are no oil-painting from the outside, but if you’re willing to look past their shabby exterior, hidden behind their oversized, muscular foot, you’ll discover the most exquisite mother of pearl. Blacklip abalones can live for over 20 years, reach shell lengths of 22 centimetres and weigh in excess of three kilograms. They mature at three to six years of age. Sadly, a combination of fishing pressure and mortalities from widespread parasite infection saw blacklip stocks decline to historic lows in recent years. Consequently, the collection of abalones is currently banned from waters between Port Stephens and Wreck Bay, including Sydney. So if you fluke it and happen to see one while diving, think again before brandishing your ab-iron and prizing it from its rock. By leaving it alone you may sacrifice some mild stimulation, but you’ll save yourself a lot of hard work tenderising the meat, not to mention avoiding a possible dislocated jaw from chewing so hard.

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5. Clean up with care Swap, sell or donate your unwanted bulky household items. You can organise a free council ‘clean-up collection’. It's super easy; just call Waverley Council on 9369 8080. 6. Bottomless cups Every year Australians throw away over a billion takeaway coffee cups. For your next steaming pick-me-up, grab a funky reusable cup instead. Most cafes are happy to use them and some even provide a discount. They are dishwasher-proof and make cool presents too.

Merry Christmas Bluey.

Ten Top Secrets To A Sizzling Summer In Sustainable Style Words Nicola Saltman (Waverley Enviro Officer)

andy toes. Beers on the deck. Sun-cream stickiness. Barbecue scents on the breeze. Early surfs. Salty smiles. Holiday fun. Seriously, who does not love summer? Whether you’re staying local or heading away, bring a sustainable ‘sizzle’ to the silly season with these ten simple ideas… 1. Dare to be different Ditch the traditional Christmas pine tree or plastic number and decorate an outdoor tree, existing plant, or fashion one out of bare broken branches for that minimalist look. 2. Waste-free gifts Buy an ‘experience’ for a friend or family member for Christmas. Give away a paddleboard lesson or tickets to a comedy

74 The Beast | December 2015

show. There's no need to fiddle with wrapping paper and, better still, it’s the stuff of good memory making. 3. Share the love Global charities like Oxfam have an array of clever offers to support those who need it. Your loved one will be chuffed to know they’ve donated a chicken to an African family. If you buy Fairtrade, it means the people who made these products are getting a fair price. 4. Pick up No dating advice here, sorry! Just a sweet reminder that loving our beaches, streets and parks means taking our rubbish with us. Left litter gets into our stormwater system and oceans, wreaking havoc on the environment. Plus, it’s ugly.

7. Bag the bag Make your summer plastic-bag free. Plastic takes a load of resources to make, winds up in our oceans, suffocates marine life, and ends up in landfill for centuries. Use reusable tote bags to shop and support the ‘BlueBondiGreen’ plastic-bagfree initiative – please visit bluebondigreen.org. 8. Go native NSW Christmas bush explodes in red flowers every summer and is a lovely present for anyone with a backyard. Most good nurseries sell it, or you can head down to Randwick Community Nursery to find the perfect living gift. 9. Join the Compost Revolution Over half of our rubbish that ends up at the tip is food scraps, rotten food and dinner leftovers. Join the Compost Revolution program to learn how to turn it into compost for your plants. Visit www.compostrevolution.com.au. 10. Pedal power Beat traffic stress, burn calories and ride the breeze on your bike. Council runs free bike maintenance, rusty riders and cycling skills workshops. Visit waverley. nsw.gov.au/environment. A happy and safe silly season to all!

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Not a surfboard in sight.

Learning To Levitate My Yoga Journey Words Daniel Hutton Pictures Georgia Brownlee

hen I told people I was going to Byron on a fiveday yoga retreat, most of them thought I was taking the piss. Others assumed it was a surf trip masquerading as a yoga retreat, but it turns out that eight to nine hours of yoga and meditation a day doesn’t leave a whole lot of time or energy for chasing waves. As a guest of Rodney Sen and his partner Mari, owners of the Yoga Travel Company, Living Room Yoga in Coogee and Dharma Shala in Bondi, I was determined to make the most of their generosity and really immerse myself in the yoga experience. With a grand total of three, maybe four, yoga classes in my lifetime, across disciplines including Kundalini, Bikram and Ashtanga, I was a bona fide beginner, but given my lack of flexibility, bad posture and dwindling strength, yoga was something that I’d wanted to pursue for quite a while, yet I hadn’t made the time to do so. A yoga retreat was always going to be the perfect place to get started. After an early flight from Sydney to Ballina and a brief shuttle to Sang Surya Health Retreat Centre in the rainforest at the back of Suffolk Park, I settled in to my selfcontained cabin in the woods before heading up to the kitchen/dining area to meet the other guests.

76 The Beast | December 2015

As expected, the quorum consisted mainly of the fairer sex. In fact, apart from Rod, myself and the yoga instructor, Remy, the oestrogen was flowing like a sacral chakra yoga pose. I didn’t feel at all out of my depth, but I did receive some sideways glances from a couple of guests who were clearly concerned about having a journalist in their midst, particularly one in his early thirties who clearly didn’t have the foggiest idea about the finer points of yoga. Still, this was nothing that couldn’t be allayed over a cup or two of hot ayurvedic tea. The ladies in attendance came in all shapes, sizes and age brackets. While I was thinking I might find myself at something resembling an Eric Prydz film clip, the reality was more like that ‘Active Wear’ video that went bananas on YouTube a couple of months back, but with a few older birds thrown into the mix. What I’m trying to say here is that this was definitely not some sort of camp reserved for stick thin models who can contort themselves into the shape of a scorpion whilst doing a handstand and taking a photo for Instagram. It was as egalitarian as it could be. Even I was treated as an equal, despite clearly being an inferior yogi to even the women nudging sixty.

It wasn’t easy, either. Each night I’d hit the hay at around 10pm absolutely exhausted, with the alarm set for 5.25am the next morning, just enough time to sneak in a hot shower to wake me up before heading to the shala for a 5.45am start. We’d kick proceedings off each day with a couple of hours of yang pranayama and meditation. For the uninitiated, this is basically a bunch of stretching, breathing and a spot of torture in the form of Remy’s so-called ‘ego-eradicator’, which basically involved keeping one’s arms at ‘10 and 2’ for a sustained period of time (8 minutes on the final day) while chanting a mantra – it was about as fun as removing all the hair from your scrotum with nothing but a set of tweezers. The second session of the day was a three-hour yang session, workshopping different aspects of the asana. I thought the morning session was painful, but it just proved be a sign of things to come. It left me sweating like a shopping mall Santa. The final session each day consisted of yin yoga and breath work, a great way to wind things down, though still a bit painful at times for this rookie. Mealtime fell between each session and thanks to the culinary wizardry of experienced chef Clarissa De Castro, as well as plenty of interesting (and often hilarious) conversations around the dinner table, it was a highlight of the retreat. At the end of the five days I have to admit that I felt amazing and was sad that it was all over. I couldn’t quite levitate, nor touch my toes, but I felt like I was well on my way. All in all, I’d most certainly recommend this retreat to all the would-be and well-qualified yogis out there. I’ve already booked my ticket for next year! For more information about the Yoga Travel Company’s 2016 yoga retreats, please visit www.theyogatravelcompany. com.

Matchy-matchy prints: Coordinated separates that both make up an outfit and can be worn on their own are useful. Together they’re more playful than a conventional suit, worn separately they add interest to any outfit. Use sparingly; they can get stale quickly. Dark tailored denim: Smart, good quality dark denim is perfect for the more relaxed office or casual Fridays. A-line, below-the-knee skirts: Nothing too exaggerated or they’ll make you look like an isosceles triangle.

Jodie from Bondi Beach.

Amanda from Bondi.

Fitting In Doesn't Mean Blending In Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

ven those with no interest in fashion should know that what you wear to work matters. Research shows it takes just seven seconds for a person to form a lasting opinion of you based on your appearance. That’s why the service industry insists on uniforms for its frontof-house staff. Before you judge your waiter, flight attendant or bank teller for wearing an ill-fitting work uniform, consider whether your own choice of work attire is sending the right message. Decoding the dress code of any office takes time. While fitting in is important, it doesn’t mean blending in, and what’s left unspoken is sometimes more important than what’s explicitly stated. Do your colleagues consider expensive labels flashy or de rigueur? Is yours a team that views a mass outbreak of the same Zara shoe a sign of office solidarity, or is there a strict first-dibs policy in operation?

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If denim is tolerated, what kind? There’s a vast perception gap between a pair of tailored, dark denim jeans and ripped to shreds boyfriend styles. If you’re tone-deaf to office nuances, stick to this rule: goodquality fabric and great cuts will always trump flashier trimmings. The following items add style to any work wardrobe: Capes: Capes or split-sleeve jackets are a great way to bring interesting shapes to otherwise dull pants and skirts. Shirt dresses: Quality pieces, particularly the silky variety, are sleek and just as relevant as a tight-fitted office dress. The block heel: A perfect work shoe that’s both elevated and practical. Wide-leg trousers: These create the illusion of height when worn with heels.

Keep things subtle. Details like notched necklines, contrasting cuffs, or a discreet flash of colour should be slyly eye-catching rather than conversation stoppers. Muted ‘in-between’ shades are the intelligent choice. Shop cleverly; nothing you wear should ever look cheap, but that doesn’t always mean spending a fortune. When you’re well dressed and feeling great about your appearance, you radiate confidence and success. Remember that you are your brand. Make sure your appearance does you justice. On the streets this month I found: Jodie from Bondi Beach Occupation Health coach Street Style Jodie rocks denim shorts by Nobody, Tony Bianco shoes, Commes des Garcon tee, Dior sunnies, Phillip Lim bag and a scarf from Bali. Amanda from Bondi Occupation Art curator Street Style Amanda wears a skirt by Cheap Monday, Vanishing Elephant tee, Stella McCartney sunnies, Copenhagen bag and Birkenstocks. If updating your look or shopping for a special event sounds daunting or time-consuming, Sharmin Personal Stylist can help. Give her a call on 0405 518 155.

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December 2015 | The Beast 79

Easily the most f**ked up thing I have ever seen.

Pipe Dreams Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Martin Brody

his December the 2015 World Surf League title will be decided at the Pipeline Masters in Hawaii and I am surprised to say that I actually care. It has taken me some time to warm to professional surfing. As in tennis, I find it much harder to follow a single person â&#x20AC;&#x201C; someone I've never met, no less â&#x20AC;&#x201C; than a team. Their flaws become amplified and the confidence required to actually succeed at such a level can often come across as arrogant and unlikeable. Let's face it, for every Pat Rafter there are fifty cocky brats who needed a few more twelve-hour shifts mopping floors at Macca's in their teenage years. But my interest in surfing has steadily grown since moving to Bronte roughly seven years ago, as has my love of the lifestyle that makes the sport so great. What strikes me so much about the men and women of surfing is that they truly live and love what they do. If they weren't travelling the world and surfing the best breaks on the sponsors' dollar, they would probably still be doing much the same anyway, happily clocking on for those twelve-hour shifts and dreaming of crystal-clear barrels in the Maldives. Personally, it is one of my biggest regrets that I did not start surfing earlier. Growing up over an hour from a surf beach, it just didn't seem an option. It wasn't too much of an ask to drive 45 minutes west to get the hell beaten out of me on

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a rugby field, but the beach just seemed another world away. A place for holidays and sunburn. And when we did go, I'd just pull out the old fluorescent foam 'boogie board' and ride the whitewash. I never even contemplated getting a proper board. So when Mick Fanning, Adriano de Souza and Filipe Toledo descend upon the world's most famous reef break to decide the title (fingers crossed Medina doesn't sneak it in), I will certainly be watching. No points for guessing who I will be getting behind either. Since that inquisitive beast of a shark so famously got punched in the nose (the poor bugger) in South Africa, Mick Fanning has done nothing but endear himself to the Australian public, and me. The way he handled himself both during and after the event was top class. Donating the money from his subsequent Sixty Minutes interview to the gentleman attacked in Ballina spoke volumes about the type of guy he must be. Far more than his brave reaction to every surfer's worst nightmare. Since Mike Tyson retired, there aren't too many other mainstream sports where getting eaten alive is a genuine possibility, and given I still get a bit nervous on a four-foot day at Maroubra, I have nothing but respect for the people who surf for a living, or just as a way of life. They are all a little mad, perhaps, but I admire them all the more for it.

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December 2015 | The Beast 81

Which idiot thought this would be a good idea?

Are Circumcised Men Better Lovers? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Ben Gibson

ale circumcision has become a controversial procedure and divisive issue in the medical profession and on parenting forums, with passionate voices on both the pro and anti sides of the debate. Circumcision is an operation to remove the foreskin covering the tip of the penis. The procedure is most prevalent in the Muslim world, the United States, Israel and parts of South-East Asia and Africa; it’s relatively rare in Europe, Latin America and most of Asia. Circumcision used to be routine practice in Australia in the 1950s, but this trend has reversed and these days less than 25 percent of baby boys are circumcised. One reason is that the procedure has been banned in public hospitals since 2006, unless medically necessary. Last year Brian Morris, Professor Emeritus of Molecular Medical Sciences at Sydney University, published a review claiming the health benefits of circumcision are many and include reducing the risk of transmission of HIV and some STIs, genital herpes and certain strains of the human papillomavirus (HPV). According to the review, it can also help prevent urinary tract infections (especially for babies) and may provide some protection against prostate and penile cancer. But not everyone agrees. The Royal Australasian College of Physicians’ policy maintains the medical benefits “do not warrant routine infant circumcision”. Social media and the Internet are swamped with personal accounts from very unhappy circumcised men. Videos of the procedure show cases of the damage that can be caused and various groups are trying to convince people that circumcision is unnecessary and can be harmful and dangerous.

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Another contentious issue is the belief that circumcision affects sexual functioning. Several studies have been conducted on erectile function, premature and delayed ejaculation, sexual satisfaction, sexual sensations and penile sensitivity. But those reviewing the literature have reached different conclusions, and overall no one agrees with each other. One popular opinion is that circumcision can cause the loss of some nerve endings in the head of the penis and leave it exposed. The constant rubbing on clothing and exposure to temperature changes may reduce the sensitivity and responsiveness of the nerve endings, creating the demand for more stimulation to trigger a pleasure response. For some men, especially those who are circumcised during adulthood, this means it takes longer to ejaculate, which could be an advantage. Unlike in the US, it seems there is hardly any research done in Australia on whether women prefer partners to have a circumcised or a noncircumcised penis. Women in the US usually have never seen an uncircumcised penis until they travel overseas and are often unpleasantly surprised by the look of them. One online comment read: “gross”. Some reasons women give in favour of a circumcised penis are it looks better, and it is usually cleaner. Often the main reason parents choose circumcision is because they want their boy to look like their father. So do circumcised men make better lovers? It’s a difficult one to answer. I believe it's not so important what a penis looks like, but what you can do with it!

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Album #1 Artist City and Colour Album If I Should Go Before You Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  It is quite apparent from the outset of this album that Dallas Green is content to let his music take him wherever it may lead. The bluesy, psychedelic, nine-minute-long opener ‘Woman’ is like nothing else he has done before - as a solo artist at least - and may just be his best work. His dark, bittersweet, existential lyrics remain, but he has taken a far grittier approach to his sound and arrangements, and it has really paid off. I was questioning whether I honestly needed another City and Colour album in my life; now I'm thinking I need several more.

Album #2

Movie Review Title The Lobster Genre Comedy/Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Multi-award winning writer-director Yorgos Lanthimos (Dogtooth) and his regular co-writer Efthymis Filippou have teamed up again to give us a surreal and blisteringly dark comedy about what society deems acceptable in life and love. Set in a not-too-distant dystopian future, to love is dangerous; that is, if you don’t have any! Being single or different is not acceptable. You are either a couple or single, gay or heterosexual; a 44 shoe size or a 45. Here, there are no inbetweeners. If you do become single then a trip to a fancy-hotel-come-prison in a secluded rural area is what’s in store for you. David (Colin Farrell), who is nearly unrecognisable with spectacles, paunchy waist and caterpillar moustache, is a recently divorced middle-aged architect who is now a ‘guest’ at the hotel. As with all clients, David must find a romantic life partner within 45 days or suffer the incredibly bizarre consequences. This is a totally original and unconventional love story with a set of intriguing social and moral questions, a haunting score, moody cinematography and the best ensemble cast of dysfunctional characters I have seen. Some people will get this delightfully absurd and weirdly disturbing deadpan-satire and some won’t. It doesn’t really matter; it’s all entertainment!

84 The Beast | December 2015

Artist Fat Freddy's Drop Album Bays Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  If you have ever tried to buy a ticket to a Fat Freddy's Drop gig, you may have some understanding of how devout this band's followers are. With their hypnotic dub/reggae sound, I can understand why. It draws you in and half the time you feel like they're just jamming in a smoky lounge room with you right there beside them. I admit I haven't followed them too closely, so when I say this sounds very familiar to their older stuff and feels a little bit too ‘safe’, it comes with a caveat, because I don't really know what I'm talking about. A great listen, nevertheless.

Album #3 Artist Boy & Bear Album Limit Of Love Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Boy & Bear seem like nice young men who would politely sit and have tea with your grandma. They might even stay for a spot of bridge. Your mum would think they were lovely and she’d be happy you'd made such charming friends, but all you'll really want to do is go play video games with the kid down the street whose mum may or may not be a dealer. I feel bad for thinking it, but ultimately these pleasant chaps are just a little bit too dull for my liking. On a side note, Will Ferrell seems to have single-handedly rejuvenated the cowbell as a legitimate instrument and I'm not too sure how I feel about it.

Dr Claudia Nicholson, GP will be moving to join Sapphire Family Medical Practice on 27th January, 2016 Appointments can be made at this practice from the 19th December, 2015 Claudia wishes you all a happy and healthy festive season Shop 2 & 3, 95-99 Bronte Road Bondi Junction NSW 2022

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December 2015 | The Beast 85

Bronte shoreys.

Arts & Entertainment From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Mark Davies

BONDI: NOT JUST A BEACH Bondi is not just sand, sea and bikinis. It can be grungy, an overcrowded melting pot of imported cultures, youthful, excitingly diverse, a hipster heaven, a tourist Mecca, and a symbol of Sydney in general with its iconic beach as a focus. All of the world comes to Bondi. Four artists have turned their focus away from the beach and to the lived Bondi in a new exhibition titled ‘Bondi: Not Just A Beach’. It’s on at the Bondi Pavilion from December 2-20. Please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au. SKILLED DIALECT AND PERFORMANCE COACH Melissa Bruder of Practical Aesthetics Australia is a New York native who has lived and taught in Clovelly since 1998. Melissa is an American dialect and performance coach who has worked with Jack Thompson, Rachel Griffiths, Sigrid Thornton, and many others. She teaches Practical Aesthetics, the no-BS acting technique offering practical skills for the professional actor. Melissa co-authored 'A Practical Handbook for the Actor', and

co-founded New York City’s Atlantic Theater Company, of which PAA is the official Sydney Annex. If you’re looking for the best dialect and performance coach in the business, visit www.paaustralia.com. ANIMAL EXPLOSION Blank Space Gallery in Surry Hills is set to explode from November 20 - December 24 with Bronte artist Graham Atty’s (or ATTY, as he is know) third exhibition titled ‘Animal Explosion – Bonnie Strikes Back’. ATTY will display original animal explosion pieces of work, which showcase gorgeous animals as though the works have been rinsed through a car wash of colours. All works on exhibition are part of a limited edition that are signed and numbered by the artist. A preview of the ATTY exhibition can be found at www.atty.com.au. GONE SWEETIE Randwick writer/director/ actress Chloé Boreham (The Killing Field and Offspring) is currently making ‘Gone Sweetie’, a bilingual film about

a troubled dancer reuniting with her daughter after having lost touch with her in Paris, and she needs your help. The project is connecting with organisations to draw attention to mental health issues, and Chloe recently shot a teaser at Belvoir Street Theatre. The feature will shoot in France and Australia. To find out how you can help or get involved in the making of 'Gone Sweetie’, email gonesweetieproduction@ gmail.com. GET LOST IN PARADISE Lost Paradise is a bespoke music festival set in Glenworth Valley from December 29 to 31. Explore the magic beyond the world-class line-up, including a creek-side yoga tent and full service spa. You can also participate in fun activities such as abseiling, workshops for kids, horse-riding, and a mass skinny dip. There will be gourmet and three-course long table feasts, and bohemian tipis for luxurious glamping. Expect to see circus shows by day, burlesque at nightfall, and art installations to explore at whim. Please visit www.lostparadise.com.au.

Have your say on Moore Park We want you to help us shape the future of Moore Park - one of Australiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most culturally important public parks. However, Moore Park has never had a consolidated long-term plan to guide its management and improvement. We want to fix that. Head online now, or visit one of our pop-up exhibitions, to learn more and have your say. Online exhibition open until 21 December 2015. Find out more: centennialparklands.com.au/mooreparkfuture

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lia is... that there are so many great bands, with great musical taste. It's a smaller industry so you feel a certain closeness to other bands and artists, but all the great new music coming out also keeps you on your toes as a songwriter and performer. Our biggest fan has got to be... Greg Weaver, our tour manager. He travels around with us, does the sound at all our shows and sings every word. He loves it and we love him. There was this one time when we were starting out that… we all had to move home to our parents’ houses because we couldn't afford to pay rent.

A bloody brilliant Aussie band.

Boy & Bear - The Only Name We Could Agree On Words Dan Hutton Picture Lucinda Goodwin

fter the extraordinary success of their first two albums, Sydney rock-folksters Boy & Bear are back with their third album, ‘Limit of Love’. They’re currently gallivanting around Europe, but they’ll be back to dazzle local crowds in the New Year. We threw a few questions at drummer Tim Hart during the month… Our earliest music memory is... listening to church music when I was a kid. It was when I first wanted to learn to play an instrument. The idea for the name Boy & Bear… actually originated as the result of a band name generator search on the Internet. It was the only name we could agree on and we were on a deadline to decide, so this was it!

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We'd like to think that our music is… a good representation of us as people and as musicians. It's a reflection of the music our parents introduced us to as kids, and a reflection of the music we came to love whilst growing up. Our new album, Limit of Love, could be described as... a series of diary entries from our last couple of years of touring. It’s a bit of a search for answers and also a discovery of identity. Debuting at #1 on the ARIA charts again (second consecutive album to do so) is... really humbling. It's definitely something we don't take lightly and is something we feel very proud of and grateful for. The most exciting thing about the local music scene in Austra-

If we could have written any song, it would have been… ‘Slip Sliding Away’ by Paul Simon. Lyrically it's just a beautiful melancholic song. It's a great lesson in story telling. One person I¹d still really like to record with is… Paul Simon or Peter Gabriel - both for different reasons. Paul Simon for his song-writing and vocal delivery; Peter Gabriel for his leftfield approach to live shows and his vision for albums as opposed to just singles. If you ever come to see us live, you can expect… a fairly loud show and hopefully a fun one. We never want to get to the point where… we have to compromise what we love to do, which is writing songs and playing them to people. Our dream gig would be… headlining Glastonbury and having Crosby, Stills and Nash come on stage and sing harmonies with us. Boy & Bear will play the Hordern Pavilion on February 12. Tickets are available at www.ticketek.com.au.

SAT 28 NOV

THE BEATNIX The Beatles Tribute Show SAT 30 JAN

ABBALANCHE Abba Tribute Show SAT 27 FEB

DIRTY DEEDS AC/DC Tribute Show SAT 26 MAR

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Roast meats Chardonnay with chicken, Central Otago Pinot with pork, Shiraz or Grenache with lamb and Cabernet or Shiraz with beef. Don’t chill down the reds here; just enjoy their full flavour. This is where you can really go nuts and get into something special. Personally, I like to pull out the sparkling Shiraz – this year, it’ll be the Joseph Sparkling Red.

Silly season has begun.

Who’s Drinking What Over The Holidays Words Alex Russell Twitter @OzWineGuy Picture Jacques Shiraz

was recently asked about food and wine matching over the summer/Christmas break, so I’ve put together some recommendations. This is a decent guide, but feel free to break the rules too! Cheeky beers to start Sour beers are coming into fashion, so I’ll share a few of them with my brother and brothersin-law, along with some palatecleansing pale ales. The Robin Hood Hotel at Charing Cross has a great range of beers. Tell Luke I sent you. Seafood Think refreshing, zingy whites. Rieslings work (Clare and Eden are easy, but do consider other regions) – remember that most Aussie Rieslings are not sweet. Pinot Gris or Grigio will also go

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well, but for me, I’ll be digging into Hunter Semillon. Tyrrell’s Vat 1 or Thomas Braemore, or even the new Thomas Murphy’s Vineyard, are all cracking wines. All of these styles will be great on a hot day. Semillon with prawns is one of my favourite go-tos. Cold meats You can go to lighter reds here if you like, so Pinots will work well, or Beaujolais/Gamay. You can even chill them down a little bit. There’s some great drinking to be had around the $20-25 range. For me, I’ll be going a nice Chardy, probably Curly Flat this year, or perhaps a Viognier from Clonakilla or By Farr. Something with a bit more body than the seafood whites works for me. There is incredible stuff coming out of Tumbarumba too.

Puddings and dessert Seriously, when was the last time you had a dessert or fortified wine? We never do in Australia, but here’s your chance. Get into a lovely half bottle of dessert wine (Noble One is a cracker, but any decent bottle shop will have a few other options, too). Botrytis dessert wines tend to be fuller and richer, while late-harvest styles tend to be more elegant. Go nuts with port, tokay or muscat, although these are now called different things, so just look for the section in the shop. I have some Chateau Suduiraut (a personal favourite dessert wine) and some great fortifieds from Seppeltsfield. Vegetarian/Vegan Some wines use animal products during the fining/filtering process. There are vegan-friendly wines that don’t use these (see organicwine.com.au). As for matches, consider the style of food that you’re eating. If it’s refreshing and fruity, then go with the seafood recommendations. If it’s very full-flavoured, then go with the roast meats recommendations.

I trust that you’ve enjoyed my columns this year. Hopefully you all have a chance to put your feet up and unwind with a decent glass of something. If you'd like me to write about a particular topic next year, please let me know by emailing arussell@me.com.

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GLAMPING - YOGA - SPA - LOST FEAST - ART - CIRCUS - ADVENTURE December 2015 | The Beast 91

A proper restaurant, with a proper chef, that will give you a proper food stiffy.

'Casual Fine Dining' Comes To Randwick - Bistro Avoca Words Dining Dave - @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks

estaurants make adjustments periodically. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don’t. While Bistro Avoca has been serving Randwick residents for over four years, seven months ago it was taken over by a new owner, who brought with him a new chef, transforming the restaurant into a modern Australian dining experience that has raised the bar in Randwick by more than a couple of notches. Nestled between Thai and Indo joints on a busy stretch of Avoca Street, the serenity inside the restaurant is a welcome contrast to the hustle and bustle outside, especially on the rainy Thursday night when my companion and I arrived for dinner. Described by our waiter as ‘casual fine dining’, the décor is dominated by discrete shades of black and white; the only colour afoot being a couple of orange pillows dotted along the banquette that occupies two of the restaurant’s walls. An arrangement of antique chopping boards, a large wall mirror and three prominent hanging lamps are the only other interruptions to the otherwise monochromatic interior.

92 The Beast | December 2015

The recently instated Chef de Cuisine, Leonard Michaud - an engaging 26-year-old who has plied his craft at Michelin starred restaurants in Paris and London - is so devoted to his culinary creations that he named one of the dishes after his mum, and spends 85 hours making his jus. He explained that while the bistro is strongly influenced by French cuisine, it is really a mélange of Australian, European and Asian dishes. We kicked off with a couple of glasses of 2010 Georges of Clare Shiraz Cabernet and ordered baked French bread, three-pepper squid with shallots and jalapeno mayonnaise, and grill-marinated duck with apple rice paper and pomegranate as entrees. Leonard also threw in his specialty: pan roasted foie gras with Corella pear. We were blown away by the presentation, flavour and texture of these dishes. For mains, we went with the two big hitters: beef Rossini with foie gras on truffle toast, pomme pont-neuf, broccolini and balsamic beef jus; and the Western Australian scampi with

confit tomato risotto and bisque sauce. It really was a bellyfilling indulgence. Though completely full, we just had to indulge in Leonard’s dessert creations, and the strawberry pavlova with lime and berry sorbet, and the macaron chocolate parfait (dark and white) with passionfruit were out of this world. Bistro Avoca certainly isn’t an every night kind of establishment; it’s far too good for that. Go there for those special occasions, and let Leonard do the rest. Bistro Avoca www.bistroavoca.com.au info@bistroavoca.com.au Address 133 Avoca Street, Randwick Phone (02) 9399 9667 Open Tue - Sat, 5:30pm until late; Sun, 10:00am - 3:00pm (spring-summer) Prices Dinner: Entrees, $16 $25 / Mains, $33 - $44 Seats 70 incl. function room Cards All major cards Fully licensed and BYO wine

Más Español que un toro lleno de lanzas.

Spanish Meatballs With Artichokes And Greens Words and Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

he combination of smoky paprika and roasted capsicum add some Spanish flair to these simple meatballs. Serve them on artichokes, green beans and spinach instead of pasta or rice for a lighter dinner that’s just as deliciously satisfying olé! Cooking time 30 minutes Ingredients 2 garlic cloves 1 red onion 200g green beans 170g jar artichokes in brine 100g roasted capsicum 300g beef meatballs Spanish meatball spice mix (2 tsp smoked paprika + ½ tsp ground bay leaves) 400g tomato passata (puree) 200g baby spinach 40g toasted almonds Extra virgin olive oil Salt and pepper Prepare ingredients - Finely chop the garlic and onion. Trim

94 The Beast | December 2015

the bean tops. Drain the artichokes and halve or quarter if large. Drain the roast capsicum, then cut into 1cm pieces. Cook meatballs - Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a deep frying pan over medium-high heat. Cook the meatballs for 5 minutes or until browned. Remove them from the pan and set aside. Cook sauce - Decrease heat to medium. Add the onion, garlic and spice mix and cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring, until softened. Season with salt and pepper. Stir in passata and capsicum, then return meatballs and cook over medium-low heat for a further 5 minutes to allow the flavours to infuse. Cook beans - Meanwhile, bring 60ml (1/4 cup) water to the boil in a medium frying pan over high heat. Cook the beans for 1 minute or until just tender and bright green, then drain and transfer to a bowl.

Finish cooking vegetables Wipe the medium frying pan dry and return to medium-high with 1 tablespoon of olive oil. Add the spinach and cook for 1 minute or until wilted. Stir in the artichokes and beans then season with salt and pepper. Get ready to serve - Meanwhile, slice the toasted almonds. Divide the greens between bowls and top with the meatball mixture. Scatter with almonds to serve. Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps. These meals can be delivered to your door, with all the ingredients you need, in minimal, recyclable packaging. With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99. Visit www.marleyspoon.com.au.

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Across 1. December 25 (9,3) 7. Boxing Day yacht race destination (6) 8. Eiffel Tower city(5) 10. Side; WWE wrestler; U2 guitarist (4) 12. TV show that introduced the ‘Festivus’ holiday (8) 13. Angry; crazy (3) 14. Numerical Internet address (1,1) 15. Portable light often associated with China (7) 17. Sole (4) 18. Cereal grain (3) 19. Robert Downey Jr superhero, … Man (4) 22. The seventh instalment to this sci-fi franchise comes out this month (4,4)

Down 2. Jumper with head covering (6) 3. Scientist who conceived gravity (5, 6) 4. Moustache (2) 5. Type of drum (5) 6. The day before (9) 9. Home Alone star, Macaulay … (6) 11. Disease associated with Alzheimer’s (8) 12. Cut of steak (7) 16. Rowdy, violent behaviour of a crowd of people (4) 17. Osteoarthritis (1,1) 18. Rowing tool (3) 20. Ex-NFL player currently serving 33 years in prison, … Simpson (1,1) 21. Gerard Butler film, …, I Love You (1,1)

Beast Local Trivia Words Kate Myers Picture Josie Luisi - @miss_j_behave 1. True or false: The Statue of Liberty was a gift from France to America? 2. Which celebrity couple star in the 2015 film ‘By The Sea’? 3. What is the name of the Channel Nine CEO who stepped down recently after eight years in the job? 4. How many zeroes are there

The end is nigh.

96 The Beast | December 2015

in a googol? 5. Indie rock band The Preatures hail from which Australian capital city? 6. Home and Away’s Katarina Chapman is played by which Chilean born Australian actress? 7. The Beach Boys won their first ever Grammy in 2013 with

which album? 8. This year marks how many years since the first annual Coogee Carols were held at Coogee Beach? 9. Does a tui have feathers, fur or fins? 10. In what year was the South Maroubra Surf Lifesaving Club founded?

CAROLS in Randwick city

Matraville Carols by Candlelight Saturday 12 December 5pm-9pm Barwon Park, Matraville 0419 204 056

Carols by the Sea Saturday 12 December 5pm-10pm Grant Reserve, Coogee Organised by the combined churches of Coogee. 9349 6719

South Maroubra Christmas Party Saturday 19 December 2pm-5pm South Maroubra Village Green, Meagher Avenue, South Maroubra www.walshspharmacy.com.au 9311 0088

Coogee Carols Sunday 20 December 6.30pm-8.30pm Coogee Beach 1300 722 542 www.coogeecarols.com.au

1300 722 542

www.randwick.nsw.gov.au



AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19 You must be prepared to put in the hard yards. Even if you achieve all of your goals, there is no glory without hard work.

CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23 Be very careful when criticising other people's faults. Always remember, a camel can't see his own hump.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20 You're about to experience unprecedented levels of horniness. By all means go out on the prowl, but don't get all rapey.

LEO Jul 24-Aug 23 You don't appreciate the true value of money because you've never had to work hard in your life, and luckily you never will.

ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20 Really let your hair down over silly season this year. You're about to experience rapid balding so it might be your last chance.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23 Rather than actually being healthy, just post organic pictures to Instagram while continuing to be an unhealthy, disgusting slob.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22 Do something illegal. The only way you'll ever be able to afford the lifestyle you aspire to is by becoming a criminal.

TAURUS Apr 21-May 20 Be a builder. You've spent the last few years cynically tearing things down so why not do something constructive for a change?

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23 Don't enter into a negotiation unless you're prepared to miss out on the thing that you're bargaining for, even if it's your child.

CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20 Learn to forgive. If you cut off a friend every time they disappoint you, you'll have zero friends within a month or two.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 21 Choose your battles; cut your losses and walk away when you're in a losing situation. Then regroup and get revenge later.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22 Always remember to clean your fingernails after you've been fingering your bottom. Dirty nails are a dead giveaway.

Star Signs

 Words Beardy from Hell

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Trivia Solutions

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