Kieran's Satire 42 Marjorie's Musings

The giant castanet.

Bondi Junction Welcomes Its Latest High-Rise Complex

Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblakewriter.org Photo Archie Tecture

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Bondi Junction locals have finally embraced the controversial new development on Oxford Street after realising that it will fill the Eastern Suburbs with more dogs and renovation.

The $38 million apartment complex to be constructed at Oxford Street and Nelson Street was initially greeted with fierce opposition, but residents changed their tune after Westgate BJ Pty Ltd belatedly explained that it combines the two great loves of the region.

Thanks to the development, paradise on earth will finally become doggy heaven. The tower will bring 1,001 dalmations to the suburb and nearby Centennial Park, and multiply the number of professional dog walkers who have colonised the wooded area beneath the reservoir.

There is no way rangers will be able to keep this many pooches on leash inside the park, and owners will have claimed yet another public space in the East.

The shadow cast by the tower will also offer pleasant respite for doggy picnics and doggy dates as Sydney summers become dangerously hot in the coming years.

A flurry of furry friends will occupy cafes, beer gardens and other eateries as we battle the next violent strain of the pandemic, and further debate over big and little dog parks will prevent our public officials from discussing any other pertinent issue. Meanwhile, Eastgate will welcome little dogs in all of its shops, and big dogs are invited to do their window shopping at Westfield.

Westgate also explained that construction vehicles will steal the precious parking spots in the Junction, and road closures to rival a royal funeral will fuel First World rants on community Facebook pages.

During the endless months of construction, parents can work from home to the sound of jack hammers, industrial drills and beeping trucks in a desperate attempt to pay the exorbitant school fees which previously afforded them a few hours of daily solitude.

Best of all though, is the chance to critique the colour scheme, materials and overall aesthetic direction of the tower’s design during dinner parties, school pick-up and play dates, with all the vitriol of a judge on The Block - while secretly cataloguing those features for your next renovation.

Locals were excited to learn that apartment owners will bring another truckload of tradies to pimp their pad the moment it is completed. They were also placated by the knowledge that upon the cutting of the ribbon, Eastern Suburbs residents won’t need to visit the Burj Khalifa, because even its huge aquarium is no match for Clovelly Beach.

Finally, it was entirely remiss of Westgate not to highlight the greatest advantage of the new high-rise tower, which is the chance for locals to acquire yet another investment property.

DIAMOND

What's good for the planet is good for us.

Spring Into Summer

Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Cardi Bee

After what feels like a very long winter, preceded by a very wet summer, the few warm days we have recently experienced are very welcome. Yet we know there is much more rain to follow, and it is becoming increasingly apparent that even in our small Eastern Suburbs nest our environment is under threat. We are buffered here, so far at least, from the worst of the effects of global warming, but we are certainly experiencing directly, and indirectly, many of the consequences of environmental damage already.

There is just so much that needs to be done to save our environment, and while some important action has commenced there is a great deal more that must be actioned very soon if we can hope to meet critical targets and literally save our planet. Clearly, we must move as fast as possible to radically reduce greenhouse emissions by moving to renewable energy sources. This includes not only moving from coal to solar and wind but also moving from petrol fuelled cars to hybrids and fully electric vehicles.

It is obvious that not only must we address the damage already done to our environment, but we must also ensure that further damage does not occur. The NSW Liberal Coalition Government plans to raise the walls of the Warragamba Dam as a flood mitigation strategy, resulting in 4,700 hectares of World Heritage listed National Parks and 1,800 hectares of declared Wilderness Areas being forever destroyed. Raising Warragamba Dam will inundate 65 kilometres of Blue Mountains wild rivers. This is not okay; a Labor government has committed to not allowing it to occur.

Saving our environment is not just a major obligation of government, but also for each one of us. The warmer weather offers us an opportunity to renew our own active contribution to building a better environment. There is so much that each of us can do. It can start with walking instead of using the car. We can try to leave the lights in our homes off for longer and enjoy the twilight. Why leave a light on in an unoccupied room when our grandparents did not? If it feels cold, wear a wrap. Eat raw foods - not everything needs to be cooked. Take shorter showers, get used to lower water temperatures, and wash more efficiently (your friends really will not notice). Never use single-use plastics! Pull out the weeds rather than using chemicals. Better still, if they flower, leave them for our bees to enjoy. If we are renovating our homes, leave and nurture our green spaces, and find innovative ways to promote plant and bird life on our balconies, our streets and even our windowsills. By consuming less, recycling and sharing we can all contribute to not only a better environmental future but also reduce our cost of living. What is good for the planet is good for us!

I make no apology for being a ‘bee person’. Bees are part of the biodiversity on which we all depend for our survival and we cannot live without them. Bees are one of the world’s most important pollinators for food crops, with an estimated one out of every three bites we consume depending upon pollination. The importance of bees for human survival cannot be overstated and we all need to be concerned that bee populations continue to decline due to the use of pesticides and other environmental factors including climate change. With the help of Gavin Smith from the Sydney Bee Club and my sister Bridget, I will soon be splitting a native beehive at my family home to relocate it in the Randwick Community Garden.

Bees need flowers, and I have assembled small packets of bee-friendly seeds for you to collect from my electoral office in Frenchmans Road, Randwick. Please drop in and collect a packet or two and do your bit to make our environment just a little better.