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The Month That Nearly Wasn't Words James Hutton, Publisher It’s been a fairly hectic month, so I’m both excited and relieved to say, “Welcome to the February 2020 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s beautiful beaches of the east!” A few days stuck down the South Coast with no electricity, internet or phone reception had me worried there wasn’t going to be a February 2020 edition of this fine publication, so it feels good to be pulling the trigger on this one. After a last-minute trip to see in the New Year with some old buddies turned into the biggest eye-opener of our lives, it’s nice to be back home in the relative safety of my shoe box apartment. There’s been plenty of coverage of the bushfires but I can assure anyone who wasn’t
there to see it all unfold that they were every bit as scary as they looked on television. The ferocity of those fires and the speed at which they move is just insane. Federal Member for Wentworth Dave Sharma is our cover star this month. It’s a bloody long interview but these long-form pieces have been well-received and blokes of his calibre deserve plenty of space to explain their views. The question about the bushfires towards the end was sent after the original interview took place but I felt it was important to add. I’m fired up for a big year with The Beast. We’ve got some exciting things in the pipeline so stay tuned and enjoy the read (and the ride). Cheers, James
Thank you to all of our volunteer lifesavers and local lifeguards for keeping The Eastern Beaches safe
The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,000 are placed in mailboxes and 5,000 in local shops. PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests. Letters to the Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.
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6 The Beast February 2020
CONTENTS
Fe brua ry 2020 Issue 181 6 7 8 10 18 20 22 34
Welcome Note Table of Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Bloke Thumbs Local News Calendar
35 36 50 51 52 54 56 57
Local Tradies Interview Satire Tide Chart Unreliable Guide Marj's Musings Headnoise Sporting Life
Santa's little helpers, by Michelle Murphy, @michellemurphy97.
60 61 62 64 64 65 66 66
Food Review Recipe Local Photos Film Review Album Reviews Brainteasers Beardy from Hell Trivia Solutions
It's the end of the world as we know it.
Australia’s Wake-up Call Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Martin Offiah As the east coast of Australia burns due to our nation’s arrogant indifference to climate change, the self-deluding craziness of our selfish society really begins to emerge. We have the absent prime minister placing it all in God’s hands (while gifting his church $110,000 courtesy of taxpayers) and retreating to the luxury of Hawaii to watch the impending apocalypse from his hotel room’s television screen. Then there’s his caretaker, Michael McCormack (who in the hell?), doing what white conservative males do best and slinging mud at the “pure, enlightened and ‘woke’ capital city greenies” and blaming self-combusting manure for the fires (apparently it’s people like Pearl who are destroying this country with their trendy solar panels and penchant for 8 The Beast February 2020
cow poo). We have the very dubiously named pollie David Littleproud, who has obviously been sniffing way too much smoke, claiming Australia is leading the world on climate change and hence we have nothing to worry about. And, to top it off, we have to listen to Our Gladys - a ‘leader’ totally ignorant to the impact these fires will have on water, food, insurance and health costs, cautioning that this is an inappropriate time to discuss climate change. When is a good time then, Gladys? For all the craziness of The Big Men in Charge - with their finger pointing and ostrich impersonations – nothing compares with Ninemsn’s insight into the fires via a recent readers’ poll. Although this tribalist leftie doesn’t dare stray too far
from the security blanket of The Guardian, Pearl does like to keep in touch with the masses, hence my dismay and outrage over one silly little poll - although I shouldn’t call it a ‘little poll’, considering the looney MSN appears to have much influence over the populace with its focus on celebrities and furry animals. This poll asked the masses to vote on suggestions for dealing with the bushfires, one of which was to “make SES volunteering compulsory for all school kids”. Nothing about fire prevention, of course, because Australians don’t understand cause and effect. Instead, we will leave it all to the kids and just hope Greta Thunberg doesn’t put her hands up to assist. It reminds me of a school think tank my great-nephew was involved in - Future Problem Solving where he was required to come up with solutions to unethical problems. When his solution was to prevent the problems from occurring in the first place he was promptly bounced from the team. Surely the bushfires will be Australia’s wake up call, but Pearl thinks not. The preChristmas stampede during a balloon grab for $5 gift vouchers at Westfield Parramatta demonstrated that Australians have stooped to a new low. Instead of ScoMo being shafted over his climate change stance I foresee his support being consolidated in a similar way to Boris Johnson’s and I predict Michael McCormack will endorse the logging of National Parks as a solution to our fire issues. To quote the wisdom of an excellent letter in the Sydney Morning Herald, “Australians have been voting for drought and dead rivers for decades and politicians have been delivering them.” Australians need to grow up.
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HAVE YOU GUYS LOST YOUR MINDS? In your January 2020 edition you gave the ‘Thumbs Down’ to “photographing motorists using their mobile phones while driving”, which you described as “simply not on”. You then doubled down on your own insanity by declaring that “The freedom to text and drive is a basic human right”. Erm, no mate, it’s illegal - illegal pretty much everywhere. And not only are you wrong, your timing is lousy. On the very day that The Beast reached my postbox it was reported that during the first week of this New South Wales trial alone, 3,000 drivers have been caught texting and driving, so this is not some marginal issue (www.theguardian.com/ world/2019/dec/17/mobilephone-detection-cameras-morethan-3000-nsw-drivers-week). If you’re going to be sententious, at least be so on a position you might have a chance of defending. Unless you’d like to explain to your readers why it’s okay to risk running someone over and killing them because you were tweeting out some asinine ‘LOL’. Get your head together, seriously. Name and suburb not supplied
Thank you for sharing Dan’s journey in The Beast. The shock of my partner’s diagnosis was traumatic as we were completely ignorant about cancer. I spent the next couple of weeks educating myself by deep diving into various websites and any material about cancer I could get my hands on. Our cancer journey has just begun and he is only into his second month of a six-month program of chemo and other drugs but is not coping too well with the side effects - back spasms, rashes and recently a ‘cardiac event’ for which he spent five days in hospital. On top of all this we’ve been battling with the insurance company. If there are any lawyers reading this and have some spare time to help us out we would be very grateful. My partner, like Dan, is a family man. Our family is just the two of us and our 17-month old little dog. My partner has always been happiest just to spend all of his time with us and our close family. In the days after the diagnosis I used to wake up thinking it was all a bad dream, but now I’ve accepted our circumstances and we look forward to making the best of the remaining time we have. Pardon me for stating the obvious, but you and Dan have done a gigantic community service by publishing Dan’s cancer journey. I’m an avid reader of The Beast magazine and always look forward to reading the next edition. Have a happy, peaceful and restful Christmas and New Year. We all need a brother like you! David Soares Randwick
THE JOURNEY'S JUST BEGUN Dear James - My sincere condolences to you and all of Dan and Georgie’s family. In August 2019 my partner was diagnosed with a rare sub-type of Lymphoma. We have been together and inseparable since 2005 and got married as soon as the laws of this land allowed us to.
CHANNEL THE WORLD'S INTELLIGENCE Dear Madam/Sir - Imagine what could be possible if just a quarter of the world’s incredible collective intelligence was channelled into finding a way to remove excess greenhouse gases from the atmosphere instead of creating more and more ‘amazing’ digital
The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs BUS MANNERS AND CLIMATE CHANGE PROTESTERS Where to begin with Zak’s letter (The Wheels on the Bus, Letters, The Beast, January 2020) about ‘this generation’ and their lack of manners on public transport? Perhaps by noting my daily experience on packed out city bound buses, where I see young and old commuters alike offering their seats to the elderly, pregnant and frail, day in day out. Or marvelling at the leap of logic he performs to make Extinction Rebellion protesters responsible for a lack of respect and seating on buses. Seriously? Climate campaigners want more, better quality public transport. Enough in fact to ensure the frail and elderly - and everyone else - don’t have to worry about being packed onto under-funded buses and trains. What about Zak’s characterization of climate protesters as young and self-absorbed? Actually, those willing to be arrested and make the most disruption are, as often as not, parents and grandparents genuinely concerned about the shape of the planet they are passing on. If you really care about public transport and respect for one’s community and planet, Zak, why not join the campaign against public transport privatisation and fight for its massive expansion? Why not join the dots and realise that real climate solutions and expanded public transport are part of the same struggle? See you on the streets. Anonymous Randwick
10 The Beast February 2020
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technologies, computer games or big, flashy cars, or weapons of mass destruction. The barrier, of course, is greed - it will only happen if or when people in Australia, America, Europe, China and India are driven by the survival instinct instead of greed! Kel Dummett Clovelly SAVE THE TREES Dear James - re DA402/2019 to Woollahra Council. Request to remove 661 trees. Tell the Royal Sydney Golf Club that you will not be supporting their DA to remove 661 mature trees! The premise that the Royal Sydney Golf Club wants to convert to a ‘Links’ style course is something only a select few will utilise and no doubt there is a financial motive somewhere along the line. There always is. I am amazed that anyone would even consider losing so many trees in this day and age. Um, have you noticed the (lack of) air quality lately? We have just lost millions and millions of hectares of wilderness and trees in the east, the Amazon is burning and we have species of animals going extinct at the greatest rate of anywhere in the world. Need I remind anyone reading this that they are breathing because of trees? Any decision to allow the removal of 661 trees is an act of ecocide. If you have children you are condoning the loss of their right to inherit a planet worth living on. That golf course hosts numerous animals and bird life. They have a responsibility to protect these trees and the wildlife they support. The earth is not just a playground for select humans. Mature trees are irreplaceable - ask any scientist. They provide shelter and coverage and stop soil erosion where young trees can’t and don’t. This DA should be refused on the grounds of ecocide. We cannot continue to destroy nature and survive as a species. Nicolette Boaz Bondi
12 The Beast February 2020
LOVE FROM YOUR READERS Dear James - I’m not sure you realise how diverse your readership is. Also, don’t solve any big questions in these early days. Everything is overwhelming and it’s a really full-on time of year. Sending you all love, from one of your youngest fans. Helen & Evie Bronte
Early education. YOUR BROTHER DAN - OUR MAN Dear James - I’m sure I’m one of hundreds, if not thousands, to write to you. Oh Boy. I have been reading The Beast for a few years now. It’s Sunday, December 1, and I’ve just got The Beast out of the letter box and saw Dan on the cover. I went up to my apartment. I poured myself a ‘family size’ glass of Oyster Bay Sauv Blanc. I went out to the balcony with The Beast. I knew what was coming. I’m so sad. I loved Dan’s writing (and yours too!), and though I never met him, in my funny little way I thought I did. That’s how much I love your ‘little mag’. From a stranger, please send my wholehearted condolences to Georgie, the kids and your good self and family. I lost my best mate a few weeks ago. A tragic accident and I think about him and his family every day. Time will ease the pain but as you can imagine it’s a hard road. I’m a selfish f... I was only telling someone the other day that I have O negative blood. I did go into the Hunter Street Red Cross about a year ago and donated plasma as I read it could save many lives. The Red Cross have contacted me on at least
five occasions and have asked me to donate blood - not plasma - as everyone can have O negative blood (I think). So, instead of being selfish, I’m making a commitment from this day on: Every month I will trek into Hunter Street to do my part. I urge all your readers to do the same. It’s the least we can do in Dan’s memory. Keep up the great work in Dan’s honour and if you need a few dollars to keep The Beast alive don’t be shy asking your readers for a donation for The Beast or a fund for Georgie and the kids. I haven’t got much money but I’ll kick it off by donating $200. Yeah, I can go without my schooners at the CBH, The Cloey, The Surf Club and my bottles of Sauv Blanc and Shiraz for a day - sorry, a week! Stay strong my friend. Bad Billy Coogee WONDER TRAMS DELIVERED AND PAID FOR Dear Marjorie and The Beast Just to share my thoughts with you, and I hope many more, as a Randwick/Coogee resident. Transport Minister Andrew Constance’s statement about the weekend tram services: “I apologise for the inconvenience to the passengers... but it was a super weekend (listen carefully) for trams!” I bet trams enjoyed themselves. They are very privileged - their worth is $2.9 billion - to run the distance of not 150 kilometres but a miserly 15 kilometres, and now they actually could stretch their real limbs/wheels after waiting for so long as holograms. A wonderful Christmas present from our generous Santa Gladys! By the way, Gladys, we wonder how you are going to pay for this $200 million/kilometre wonder? Yes, of course, sell the buses! Try walking, it’s cheaper and healthier. Happy Christmas and a healthy new year! Raya Randwick
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MARGY OF COOGEE Dear Sir/Madam - I am writing to congratulate the above correspondent on her discernment of the true purpose of the enterprise, i.e. the minimisation of resources expended to deliver the maximum of resources to the self (An Idiotic Idea, Letters, The Beast, January 2020). While this is perfectly acceptable in a privately owned enterprise it is absolutely infuriating in a bureaucracy, e.g. Randwick Council. For those wondering why the UK voted to leave the EU, wonder no longer. I look forward to the day when Australia votes to leave Canberra. Merry Christmas to all. Gareth Davies Bellevue Hill RESPONSE TO MARGY Margy is mostly correct (An Idiotic Idea, Letters, The Beast, January 2020); Council has indeed launched a campaign to raise awareness that what goes down stormwater drains ends up at our beaches. Part of this campaign invites residents to ‘adopt’ a drain as a symbolic way to say they care about protecting our beaches from pollutants such as chemicals, paint and dog poo. However, we ask that residents don’t try to clear drains themselves, as that would be unsafe. Randwick Council will continue to clean the drains, sweep streets and beaches and maintain the 35 gross pollutant traps that prevent larger items from entering the ocean. To find out what small actions you can take to protect our beaches, please have a look at www.endbeachpollution.sydney. Randwick City Council BEASTLINESS Imagine if all the money that was being used to lock up refugees was being used to fight fires. Then we might be getting somewhere. At the time of writing, my son has evacuated with his partner from near Bega to somewhere where they will, we hope, be safe. Bermagui. We'll see. Im-
14 The Beast February 2020
agine if all the brain power used to distract us from the ‘threat’ of refugees had been used to reduce emissions. There’s a thought. We protest, demonstrate for the decent treatment of refugees every Friday at 5pm at the Sydney Town Hall steps. Please join us. My number is 0451 509 232. There are 500 people still being held as political hostages by the Australian state, in PNG and on Nauru. My dad was a refugee from Austria. Back in 1940. Welcomed by Aotearoa-New Zealand. He would be turning in his grave to see what Australia is doing. People not unlike my father paid with their lives for the 1951 United Nations Refugee Convention that Australia is violating every day. Congratulations to the writer Behrouz Boochani who we held captive for 7 years. He got to New Zealand and has found freedom there, as my father did. We have to get the rest of Australia’s hostages free. People are free to phone me on 0451 509 232. Well done with your excellent magazine. Best wishes. Stephen Langford OT (Order of Timor) Paddington HAPPY HOLIDAYS? WHAT A LOAD OF CHUNK To Tina Harris of Bondi (Monthly mailbag, The Beast, January 2020), the grinch who is trying to steal Christmas! Ms Harris has suggested to readers that the expression “Happy Holidays” is somehow “pleasantly secular (in that) it doesn’t discriminate to exclude a good chunk of the population”. Since when, I ask myself, is the greeting “Merry Christmas” discriminatory to anyone, let alone “a good chunk of the population”? I’d like to meet those chunk-sters and try it out on them. This preposterous proposition of Tina’s is precisely what I refer to when I speak of political correctness going mad. Are Tina’s propositions evidence-based
or are they poignantly parroted propositions borrowed from the mindless chatter of greenies huddled in incense infused cafes in Glebe or Newtown? (For Bondi locals, these are two suburbs west of Centennial Park, both devoid of a sea breeze but offering a wide and excellent variety of food). So, if Tina’s proposition is correct and we can no longer wish each other a “Merry Christmas” for fear of offending and “discriminating” against the chunksters, what else must be chucked out the window? Clearly “Happy Easter” must go and the bunny must now return to its burrow, eggs and all. The Tooth Fairy (sorry kids) must also go for fear of offending the toothless (now inadvertently part of the chunk set, though they won’t be smiling about it!). “Happy New Year” is a write-off for fear of discriminating against the Chinese. The otherwise happy Labour Day holiday is kaput for fear of offending the unemployed. “Happy Birthday”? Well you need to go too for fear of upsetting the chunk of women who don’t want anyone to know. And so the list goes on and the chunking class gets bigger and bigger. But where will it all stop? That, I am afraid, is a question for the Office of Political Correctness. God help me! Peter Strain Bondi RANDWICK LOCAL PLANNING PANEL The best kept secret in Randwick in 2019: Randwick Council no longer approves housing development in Randwick, it is now approved by a small group known as the Randwick Local Planning Panel. The panel normally has four members, but only one - the socalled ‘community representative’ - is a Randwick resident. Many of the other three panel members have current or past roles in the housing development sector. None of the panel is elected by the Randwick community and, despite the fact that
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Randwick ratepayers pay thousands of dollars per meeting to each of the members, the panel has no direct accountability to the Randwick community. There are restrictions on seeking broader community views prior to consideration of development proposals and the only input is from directly impacted residents as part of the formal development process, so issues like over-development, lack of parking, pedestrian access and community transport options rarely get discussed at panel meetings. I have been in the public sector most of my working life and negotiated with countries from all over the world, and my view is that the state government legislation that created this undemocratic system in 2018 would not be out of place in Russia or China. So, recognising that the Randwick community has no say over development in Randwick, and having been outvoted when I tried to stand up for community issues, I resigned as one of the community representatives because I could not take the ratepayers’ money where it was not possible to represent their interests. If this information comes as much as an unpleasant surprise to you as it did to me, contact your local state government representative and ask them to return the Randwick community’s voice on development in Randwick. If nothing else, tell others, because it would be nice if Randwick got control back of Randwick in 2020. Brenton Coogee KINDNESS FROM STRANGERS On a busy Monday morning commute on the X73 bus, I passed out and smashed my face on the way down to the floor. It was not a pretty sight and inconvenienced a whole lot of people struggling to get to work on a smoky Monday morning, heading to their corporate offices in the city.
16 The Beast February 2020
I want to thank everyone on that bus for being so gracious and caring in my time of need. In particular I’d like to thank the beautiful humans Hamish, Jessica and her partner, who waited with me for the ubercool paramedics Jay Jay and Kate, plus the guy who ran around the corner at Bridge Street to the fruit seller and thought to buy me a bottle of water - unbelievably sweet. Grateful. Bridie Coogee BONDI ICEBERGS SAUNA In 2019 the Bondi Icebergs Club was given a new lease until 2042 and so the club embarked on some much needed repairs and updates to the physical premises of the pool area. In the first phase the mens and womens bathroom were upgraded and in the second phase the café and sauna switched places. The club gave the café a new space about 400 per cent bigger than the old café. However, the new sauna is the same or marginally smaller than the old one. Instead of using the existing space to make a bigger sauna the club created a keg storage room next to the sauna which is actually being used as a closet to store cleaning supplies. You may ask, “So what, why does this matter?” Well, unlike most other clubs, the Bondi Icebergs is meant to operate for the public benefit, as both the pool and the entire premises are located on Crown Land which is administered by the Bondi Baths Reserve Trust. It is the public who paid $1,151,855 in FY19 (as per the Icebergs Club Annual Report) for admission to the pool area and to use the facilities that the club has provided, which includes the sauna. The existence of the sauna is a clear public benefit. Making the sauna smaller and less usable is a significant reduction of this public benefit. Almost everything done in the current facilities upgrades has been an improvement. The toilets and changing areas for both men and women are much better and very well designed. The new entrance, lifeguard room, larger
café and walkway extension are great. Everything done in the current slate of upgrades has been an improvement, except for the new sauna. The Icebergs sauna is a unique place. It is a melting pot of swimming members, casual swimmers, locals and visitors. It is a place where you meet people you might not otherwise interact with anywhere else. The sauna is very well used and is often standing room only on the weekends. The right move would have been to make a larger sauna when the opportunity was there. Unfortunately the club chose to prioritise making a new utility closet over making a bigger sauna. This is a bad result for both the club and the paying public. TJ Bondi COOGEE by Geoff Page The moon was full, three quarters high. The sea that night was purposeless and quilting just a little. One great white cruise ship heading south was grandly incandescent. Inexhaustibly, the planes were slanting from the east, beginning in a point of light and changing through their shapes until with patience they became a fuselage with wings, the wheels already down before the window-shake of sound. And yet it also felt romantic, all that calm collaboration, their years of expertise, the passengers with seat-belts fastened, the pilots, runway now in view, beginning their procedures. One on one on one behind us those slow catastrophes-inwaiting were gliding in to land. And, soundless as the moon, we shared a sense of each small miracle as rubber hit the ground.
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Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Mainly just how busy it gets here in summer with all the traffic and the crowds that leave their rubbish all over the beach. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I don’t really follow any sporting teams but I like to watch the WSL (World Surf League) when it’s on. What music are you into at the moment? I like listening to oldschool ‘80s tunes and a bit of house music. Who is your favourite person? My fiancé, Sophia. She’s my bestie, a big-hearted person with a great sense of humour. She drives me crazy with her flowers but she does my washing so it’s all good!
Life's a beach for Pablo.
Local Bloke... Pablo Aedo from North Bondi Interview James Hutton Photo Pat Cahill North Bondi’s Pablo Aedo moved to Sydney from Marbella, Spain, after he sold his business. He works with Froggy, Adam and the friendly crew up at Surf Culture on Bondi Road. Pablo shares his local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? Seven and a half years. I moved here from Marbella, Spain, because I sold my business and wanted to live the dream in Australia. Why do you live here? For the surf culture, bars, restaurants and community vibe. I love the beach and the lifestyle. It is such a great place to live. 18 The Beast February 2020
What's your favourite beach? It would have to be Tamarama. It’s the best surf spot, plenty of good quality waves in summer. What's your favourite eatery? El Indio in Bondi. They’ve got the best Colombian food and friendly staff. Where do you like to have a drink? Ravesis and Bondi Public Bar are always good for a beer and for catching up with friends. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? I love it because it’s so safe and clean, and there is everything you need right here good food and cool people.
What do you get up to on the weekends? Mainly just lots of cruising. If I’m not working I like to go down south to try and get some waves or go out for dinner and enjoy a few drinks with friends. What do you do for work? I am very lucky to work at Surf Culture with Froggy, Adam and the team. It’s the best shop in Bondi by far and I get to meet so many cool and interesting people. What's your favourite thing about work? I get to work in and around surfing and this always makes me happy. Do you have a favourite quote? “Have no limits.” I’m not sure who said it first but it’s a great quote. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Please remember to take your rubbish with you when you leave the beach!
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“Many of us are fortunate enough to own our homes, our hearts go out to those who have lost theirs in the recent bushfires. I will be making a donation from each sale over the next months to assist those in need.”
Contact me anytime. Christmas spirit.
THUMBS UP
Belinda Clemesha Director belinda.clemesha@raywhite.com 0418 415 260
AVOCA STREET Thanks to the creative, community-minded residents of this beautiful Bondi street for creating a magical fantasy world for everyone to enjoy over Christmas. FIREFIGHTERS Hats off to the all the amazing firies who continue to put their lives on the line to protect their communities. BUCKET HATS Not quite as cumbersome as a broad brimmed hat but equally effective for sun protection.
THUMBS DOWN PRAWNY BINS Sweltering summer heat combined with a bin full of prawn shells makes for a pretty putrid stench. POOR PLANNING Whoever decided to get rid of half the scooter and motorbike parking in the Bronte Cutting carpark is a bloody idiot. THE LIGHTRAIL We wish we’d campaigned harder against this shit piece of infrastructure when we still had the chance. PANETTONE The most overrated food on the planet. Stale bread and sultanas doesn’t deserve space on a supermarket shelf. TACKY MARKETING We’re all for charity, but using a tragedy to promote yourself or your business is in poor taste. 20 The Beast February 2020
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Poets’ Picnic Grab a rug, pack a picnic and enjoy poetry and live music under the stars by Sydney Harbour!
Thursday 27 February 5pm–8pm Blackburn Gardens 536 New South Head Rd, Double Bay
for more info visit woollahra.nsw.gov.au/poetspicnic February 2020 The Beast 21
A much-needed restoration for the Pavilion.
Bondi Pavilion Restoration Gets Green Light Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Reef Urbish After years of red tape, a whole lot of back and forth and several rounds of community consultation, the Bondi Pavilion Restoration & Conservation Project is finally moving forward. At the tail end of 2019 the Sydney Eastern City Planning Panel approved Waverley Council’s development application, meaning they can officially begin work on the much anticipated project. The restoration work is due to begin in May 2020 and is expected to last around eighteen months. Once work is complete, local residents, as well as the million plus visitors who use the Pavilion each year, can enjoy a variety of improved facilities and amenities including a family change room, a new tourist centre and box office at the northern entrance of the foyer and renovated community spaces. Other improvements will include a larger gallery and a renovation of the theatre facility, a ‘Bondi Story Room’ that will be used as a flexible exhibition and educational space and a community radio studio. There will also be new indigenous public artwork on display as well as a larger space for the 22 The Beast February 2020
pottery studio, which will now have a second kiln. Renovated commercial spaces for hospitality and other services will also be made available. On the whole, it seems that the new and improved Bondi Pavilion will be a vibrant community hub packed with culture, creativity, family friendly amenities and, perhaps most importantly, nicer toilets. This project has been several years in the making and those in charge have made a huge effort to take a whole lot of community input into account. Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos said the approval marks an important chapter in the history of the heritage building that was built in 1928. “The community sees the ‘Pav’ as the ‘Town Hall’ of Bondi and we are proud to be retaining the Pavilion as a community and cultural hub,” Mayor Masselos told The Beast. For many locals, keeping a sense of history and authenticity in the Pavilion was key to the project’s success, and thankfully those in charge were in agreement. Thanks to the building’s heritage status
the restoration plan has been carefully guided by a Conservation Management Plan (CMP) as per state government requirements, ensuring that this beloved Bondi landmark is both preserved and improved tastefully and responsibly. “We are very excited to have the green light to restore the Pavilion to its former glory with a detailed design that has been guided by the Bondi Pavilion Conservation Management Plan and extensive community consultation,” said Mayor Masselos. “A lot of work went into developing the CMP and it will ensure that the historic integrity of the Pavilion is retained.” Of course, before we get to enjoy the new Pavilion in all its restored glory we must first endure eighteen months of construction. But fear not, Waverley Council is already on the case. As the commencement of restoration works are drawing nearer, Council is collaborating with a range of community and cultural groups, as well as local businesses, to carry out various initiatives to activate and utilise the location during the construction period.
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PaciďŹ c - Level 1 / Corner of Beach Road and Gould Street, Bondi Beach
The infamous Bondi stormwater pipe had his nostrils blocked, but several outlets still flow directly into Bondi and the Eastern Beaches.
Riders on the Stormwater Words Luke Kennedy Photo Stormy Daniels Growing up in Bondi in the ‘80s you still lived with the scourge of the major sewerage outlet that was located just to the north of the beach, around the corner from Ben Buckler point. When a northerly swell was running a frightful brown slick would creep around the corner into ‘Beautiful Bondi Beach’. In addition to being ripe with the smell of human waste it also added an unsavoury texture to the water’s surface. When the raw sewerage flowed into the bay most of us stayed out in the surf, kept our mouths tightly shut and joked that E.coli overload would only strengthen our immune systems. Some parents were stricter and insisted that their little grommets avoid the chocolate coating and exit the water at the first sighting of the infamous Bondi cigar. Most of us got our hepatitis C shots when a couple of beachgoers contracted the condition and local doctors deduced that the fetid salt water was the most likely cause. One year, a big sewerage spill coincided with an international 24 The Beast February 2020
surfing event at Bondi. The world’s best boardriders spent a week slashing and carving through rank-smelling, brownflecked foam. After the weekend finals all the local grommets huddled into the press conference, held beneath a big-top tent, on the hill at the southern end. We’d hoped to hear our heroes drop pearls of surfing wisdom; instead they complained about competing in the poo and never came back again. In 1992 the sewerage problem at Bondi was solved in part by pumping the treated effluent several kilometres offshore. The move laid the way for the gentrification of Bondi and real estate prices went vertical almost immediately. Some pined for the days of the pong because at least they could afford the rent, but there’s no doubt that the new offshore sewerage pipes dramatically improved the quality of the water at Bondi. However, while the byproducts of the North Bondi treatment plant may have been put out of sight and out of mind, stormwater run-off remains a very visible problem.
The severity of the stormwater issue was pungently apparent when a group of surfers were clustered on the hill at the southern end of Bondi for the final boardriders event of the season. An afternoon thunderstorm brought welcome rain, but it also ensured that whatever foul substances and debris had been curdling in the drain system for weeks were flushed directly into the southern corner of Bondi Beach via the gaping stormwater outlet situated near the iconic Icebergs pool. As the stormwater roared like a dragon with foul breath, a vile cocktail washed directly into the shoreline in the southern corner of the beach - its contents including everything from condoms, oil, dog faeces and dead animals to fertilisers and heavy chemicals. It’s well documented that in heavy rain, leaky sewer systems flow into stormwater drains, creating a diabolical double-act that sends bacteria and fecal matter spewing directly into Sydney’s beaches, harbour and river systems. While many of the most offensive elements of the effluent would require a chemistry kit to detect, the filthy cocktail appeared as a raging torrent of brown-black water that poured into Bondi like a river of broken dreams. Parents watched on in horror as their little grommets paddled into the Sunday afternoon slick. “Looks like a trip to the decontamination lab afterwards,” joked one parent who was trying to make light of an ugly situation. For most of the day the water had been freezing, but one kid exited the water and announced loudly that the fresh run-off was “strangely warm”. Everyone in earshot winced and moaned at the thought of the queasy brown sludge. The
stench was also horrific - a tangy, nose-tickling blend of something distinctly chemical mixed with a myriad of unseemly organic matter. When another kid found a frog that had been flushed out, someone suggested it was most likely destined to become a mutant ninja frog. Hunkered below tents, which sagged with the heavy rain, we watched the southern wave zone become divided into two distinct colour strands - the stormwater following the currents and stretching into the ocean-blue like evil, dark tentacles. Standing beside me was a local real estate agent, who had done extremely well out of the Bondi market in a post-sewer outlet era. I asked how he would gloss over the obvious (and reoccurring) environmental catastrophe if he happened to be showing a beachside apartment at such
a moment. He immediately produced an enthusiastic satire of his role, “Oh, would you look at that wonderful contrast in the water colour.” He obviously realised how ridiculously unappealing the brown-stained sea would be to anyone dreaming of a beachside purchase. As it was the last event of the year, there were numerous titles up for grabs in different divisions and the decision was made to persevere with the contest. We all paddled out into the poo-coloured water, telling ourselves that this was the rightful response of a Bondi true-believer. A certain stoicism may be part of the Australian psyche, but surely in a land ‘girt by sea’ (one of our national anthem’s more infamous lines) ocean-goers deserve better. We may be up to our armpits in iron ore but one could reasonably argue that our coastline is our great-
est natural resource. Our boast should be ‘Cleanest Beaches in the World.’ That would certainly give Kylie something to chirp about in a national tourism campaign. For our beaches to be treated with the level of political clout they warrant, we really need a Federal Coastal Act. Invoking such a major political step would require time and resources, but in the interim the wealthy Eastern Suburbs of Sydney seems like a good place to take initiative. As I write, it’s been weeks without solid rain in Sydney and the drains are set to pour forth their filth again. Failure by both Waverley and Randwick Councils to address the stormwater issue means that Sydney’s Eastern Beaches will forever be known as that glorious stretch of coast where every time it rains the affluent ride high on the city’s effluent.
February 2020 The Beast 25
Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Lisa Anderson Photo Mark Hunter Instagram @bondihunter WOOLLAHRA POETS' PICNIC Grab a rug, pack a picnic and celebrate poetry under the stars on Thursday, February 27 at Poets’ Picnic. Featuring a line-up of both established and emerging poets, live music, outdoor games, activities and more, this free event will be hosted by ABC Radio’s Simon Marnie. There will be poetry performances from Miriam Hechtman, Pam Brown and Chris Oakey to name a few, as well as student performers from local schools. Get along to Blackburn Gardens, New South Head Road, Double Bay from 5pm to enjoy a great night out. For more information, please call 9391 7100 or email library@woollahra.nsw.gov.au. STRESS LESS Bronte businessman Rhys Parry Badkin, alarmed at reports of large numbers of fellow business owners experiencing significant stress, is raising awareness of its impact on health and relationships by walking 50,000 steps daily to represent the 50 per cent who experience it. Rhys has cre-
Quick off the mark.
ated a Facebook support group called The Hustle is Dead - Time, Energy and Money Hacks for Entrepreneurs, sharing simple ways to cope with the demands of business life. LEARN THE HARMONICA Ever had an urge to pick up a harmonica and start belting out the blues? Experienced harmonica player Tony Maguire is conducting a course aimed at complete beginners on the 10hole blues ‘harp’. Pupils attend five weekly evening classes at Coogee Public School, then take to the stage with a blues band at a muso’s night to perform three songs for the final session. Numbers are limited and the next course kicks off on February 5. Please phone City East Community College on 9387 7400. EVERYONE LOVES OSHER The Sydney Symphony Orchestra will be joined by Osher Günsberg in A Valentine’s to Remember at the Sydney Town Hall on February 14-15. The Valentine’s Day themed concert will feature
Australia’s premier orchestra performing music from iconic romantic films including Titanic, Baz Lurhmann’s 1996 adaptation of Romeo + Juliet, Disney Pixar’s Up and the classic Gone with the Wind. You can book tickets at www.sydneysymphony.com or call the box office on 8215 4600. RANDWICK RALLIES Randwick Mayor Danny Said has been in contact with the mayors of fire ravaged regions to discuss the most effective ways that Randwick can help in the relief and recovery of those affected by bushfires. Randwick’s sense of community has shone through in support of communities affected by the bushfires, with financial donations and the collection of food and other goods. Randwick City Council will continue its support of these communities through the newly established Disaster Recovery Co-ordination Service, which will coordinate support such as staffing and equipment from non-affected local councils like ours. Please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.
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February 2020 The Beast 27
The little legends from Bronte Public School.
Councils Step Up to Fight Climate Challenge Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Waverley Council Whether those in charge of this country want to admit it or not, we’re undeniably in the midst of a global climate emergency. While some buffoons at the top may prefer to bury their heads in the sand, our local councils are taking steps to try and limit our impact on the environment. In December 2019 a State of Climate and Biodiversity Emergency was declared by Waverley Council, following a unanimous motion moved by Greens Councillor George Copeland. The motion stated that with urgent collaborative action by all levels of government, it is still possible to help prevent the most serious environmental, social and economic impacts of climate change. This was no token gesture. Waverley Council has strong council and community emission reduction targets and has teamed up with the Australian Energy Foundation (AEF) to provide free energy saving advice and information for local residents. Any residents who want to reduce their carbon footprint (and save money on energy bills) can contact the AEF for free advice and discounted products. This 28 The Beast February 2020
covers all sorts of energy saving solutions such as solar power, LED lighting, insulation, reversecycle air-conditioners, window films and hot water heat pumps. This initiative is a result of the Renewable Energy Master Plan (REMP) developed by the Southern Sydney Regional Organisation of Councils, to which Waverley Council belongs. “The master plan identified a need for a community energy advisory service to help local residents reduce their energy consumption and access the benefits of clean energy,” Waverley Mayor Masselos told The Beast. Council’s commitment to renewable energy doesn’t end there. It is purchasing renewable energy direct from the Moree Solar Farm and, having already installed solar power systems at 12 sites including Bondi Pavilion and Waverley Library, has already met its 2020 council carbon emissions target. “We are also helping 90 per cent of schools in the Eastern Suburbs make the switch to solar through our award-winning Solar my School program delivered in partnership with
Randwick and Woollahra Councils,” said Mayor Masselos. Meanwhile, Randwick Council has teamed up with RecycleSmart to provide a free app that makes recycling easier for local residents. “We know that Randwick City residents are keen to recycle responsibly and ensure that they dispose of items correctly,” Randwick Mayor Danny Said told The Beast. “It made sense, in this digital age, to offer people a simple and straightforward way to recycle items and feel confident they were going to the right places.” The free app enables residents to search how to properly dispose of over 85 items including e-waste, soft plastics, clothing and problem waste like household batteries, tins of paint, fluorescent light globes, printer cartridges, x-ray films and smoke alarms. It will inform users when the next waste collection day is, as well as update them about any wasterelated events in the area. Randwick residents will also be the first to trial a new pick-up option for items like clothes or soft plastics which don’t belong in the yellow bins. For $2 per bag, these items can be picked up from their home or workplace and taken to the Randwick Recycling Centre to be disposed of correctly. We know that these initiatives aren’t nearly enough to solve the global crisis, but as our country quite literally goes up in flames it is comforting to know that at least our local councils care enough to incite change and take positive steps in the right direction. To chat with an Australian Energy Foundation advisor, please call 1300 23 68 55 or email advice@aef.com.au. To download the RecycleSmart app, head to Google Play or the App Store.
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February 2020 The Beast 29
The legacy lives on.
Bondi Icon Approaches Half-Century Words and Photos Pam Ellis Young Nick Dimitrios and his wife Louiza migrated from Cyprus in the 1950s looking for a new start in a new country, like so many European post WW11 migrants. Nick had worked at the Salt Lakes of Cyprus and as a result of the unrest between Greece and Turkey, each disputing claim to the island, Nick was trained in the military as an explosives expert. After arrival in Australia, they started up a fish shop in Bexley where they learned to cope with all the challenges in their adopted country. They had four children: Dimitri, Christine and identical twins George and Jim. They lived above the shop, which required long hours of hard work, for the next 20 years. The children all attended Bexley Public School followed by Kogarah High. One terrible night while the family was asleep upstairs, a drunk driver behind the wheel of a semi-trailer drove right into the shop. The place was wrecked but the family had no choice but to rebuild. 30 The Beast February 2020
Nick decided to move the business to a more popular tourist area, and found the opportunity to open a new shop in 1972 in Campbell Parade. Bondi Surf Seafoods has since continued to trade successfully in the same location for 48 years. The whole family has been involved in the business and, following Nick’s retirement, the shop is currently managed by George. His day starts at 4.30am when he begins his 80 hour, six day week setting up the shop for the day’s trading: rotating stock, filleting, cleaning and cooking. His brother-in-law, Paul, buys the seafood at the Fish Markets from 5am each day. Siblings and cousins have all been involved in the work of the shop at different times and are still available when required. The success of this business must primarily be attributed to the strength and resilience of this amazing family. The shop is open seven days a week to 9pm in the summer and 7pm in the winter. George recollects times that were extremely good and others which caused
hardship; the Sydney Olympics in 2000 brought many new customers in from the beach volleyball; business slowed down during the removal of centre parking in Campbell Parade and the construction of the new fence along the middle of the street. Other regular negative impacts occur during extended periods of bad weather, and because it is seasonal, winter is always a slower time. Rising rents in the area contribute to the failure of many local businesses but George says he is lucky to be able to successfully negotiate with his landlord, and to have so many regular, loyal customers. George has seen the loss of other iconic traders in the area: the Gelato Bar was for a very long time a regular habitat for its luscious European strudels and great coffee, Vallis’s Milk Bar on the corner of Hall Street was renowned for its great milk shakes and various other pharmacies, Max’s Shoes, butchers and grocers catering to the mainly working class clientele have all disappeared over time. The longevity achieved by this local institution has been a mixture of its location attracting passing tourists, the loyalty of so many customers, both local and international, and the freshness of its product. George and his family take great pride in their achievements in this regard, and hope to continue the family tradition of hard work and service for many years to come. George has three children including twins, so who knows, we may yet see another set of twins smiling over the counter of Bondi Surf Seafoods. Congratulations go to the parents, Nick and Louiza, who have faced many challenges supported by their strength and love for their family, and all their customers wish them the best for the continued success of this local Bondi icon.
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More Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Lisa Anderson Photo Annalisa Paparo Instagram @ap_annalisa AWESOME LOCAL READING Author and filmmaker Benjamin Gilmour was a paramedic for more than ten years at Bondi. In his memoir, The Gap, he reveals a Bondi that many of us may never have realised existed. It’s an honest story of one especially harrowing summer when suicide calls to The Gap at Watson’s Bay spiked, a no holds barred look at what happens after the triplezero call is made - the drugs, nightclubs, brothels, drunk rich kids, billionaires, domestic disputes, emergency births and even a kidnapping. The Gap is available from all good bookstores and also online. UP AND COMING ARTISTS ARTEXPRESS 2020 will exhibit student artworks from the visual arts component of the 2019 NSW HSC examination at the Art Gallery of NSW from February 6 until April 26. One of the big drawcards this year is a film installation by local lad Lachlan Thompson, who graduated from The Scots College last year. Lachlan’s short film documents individuals in varying age brack-
The Pav, in all her glory.
ets, demographics and eras, exploring love, sexuality and relationships over a prolonged period of time. Please visit www. artexpress.artsunit.nsw.edu.au or www.tsc.nsw.edu.au. WARDY CLAUS Every Christmas, Coogee’s real life Santa Claus, Mal Ward, heads to the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick and The Children’s Hospital at Westmead to deliver presents that have been donated to all the sick kids and their siblings. This time round he took a whopping 1,444 gifts! Thanks to Merlin’s Magic Wand, Academy Brand, Gertrude & Alice Cafe Bookstore, Laugh and Learn, Red Earth Market, Coogee Bay Hotel and Santa by the Surf for your continued support. Wardy, what can we say? You’re a bloody legend! NEW ROSE BAY CAR PARK AND COMMUNITY CENTRE Woollahra Council has announced plans to redevelop its Wilberforce Avenue car park site in Rose Bay into a new multi-storey parking facility and
community centre incorporating retail and office spaces. The proposal includes provision for 253 car spaces (an addition of 158) and public toilets within a 4-storey building envelope and will provide a significant future revenue stream to be spent on services, infrastructure and improvements for the community. For more information, visit www.woollahra.nsw.gov.au. RECYCLE SMART Randwick Council has commenced a trial with RecycleSmart, a free app designed to take the confusion out of recycling. Through the app, residents can search how to properly dispose of more than 85 items, including e-waste, soft plastics, clothing and problem waste like household batteries, tins of paint, fluorescent light globes, printer cartridges, x-ray films and smoke alarms. As part of a trial, Randwick residents can pay $2 per bag and book to have items that don’t belong in the yellow-lid bin picked up from their home or workplace. Please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.
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Maloneys Home Delivery Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. Please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.
Writing for Pleasure Develop your writing skills this afternoon at Margaret Martin Library from 1.30-3pm, and learn new tricks to strengthen and enhance your writing as a budding author in this series of four workshops for all skill levels. For more information, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.
Learn the Harmonica Ever had an urge to pick up a harmonica and start belting out the blues? Harmonica guru Tony Maguire is conducting a beginners course on the 10-hole blues ‘harp’, with five weekly evening classes at Coogee Public School. Please call City East Community College on 9387 7400.
Up and Coming Artists ARTEXPRESS 2020 will exhibit student artworks from the visual arts component of the 2019 NSW HSC exam, including a film installation by Scots College graduate Lachlan Thompson, at the Art Gallery of NSW from today until April 26. Visit www. artexpress.artsunit.nsw.edu.au.
Join Randwick Bushcare Keen to do something positive for your local environment? You should join a bushcare group. There’s a group for Malabar Beach, McIver’s Ladies Pool, Maroubra Dunes, the Prince Henry Centre and Gordons Bay Reserve. For meeting times, please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.
Help for Parents and Carers Join Melanie Dimmitt, author of Special, an uplifting, candid companion for those in the early stages of navigating a child’s disability, at Lionel Bowen Library from 10.30-11.30am today. Everyone is welcome to attend. For more information, visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.
Sven's Viking Pizza Deal We love Sven’s Viking Pizza here at The Beast, so we’re stoked to announce that they are offering our readers 30% off their first order at svens.com.au and a free large pizza for every 10th order online. For the full menu of delicious viking pizzas, visit www.svens.com.au.
Mardi Gras Film Festival Queer Screen’s 27th Mardi Gras Film Festival returns to Sydney with over 20 screenings at Dendy Newtown, in addition to Hayden Orpheum and principal venue partner Event Cinemas George Street from today until February 27. Please visit www.queerscreen.org.au.
Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au.
Frozen Cold-Pressed Cocktails Get down to Beach Burrito Co. Bondi or Coogee any time this month and treat yourself to half price frozen cold-pressed cocktails. Just mention “FRESCO BEAST” when you order your cocktail and the friendly staff will sort you out. Please visit beachburritocompany.com.
Food Addicts Meetings This evening, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. Please call 1800 717 446 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.
Learn Something New Based in the Eastern Suburbs, City East Community College offers a huge range of courses for people wishing to learn a new skill or try something different. For the course list and more information, please visit cec.edu.au and use discount code 'BEAST' for 10% off.
Randwick Council Meeting All residents are welcome to attend the Ordinary Council Meeting from 6-9pm on the 4th Tuesday of each month at the Council Chambers on the 1st floor of Randwick Town Hall. The agenda for each meeting is available on Council’s website at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.
Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.
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Woollahra Poets' Picnic Grab a rug, pack a picnic and celebrate poetry under the stars this evening at Blackburn Gardens, New South Head Road, Double Bay from 5pm. This free event will be hosted by Simon Marnie. For more information, please call 9391 7100 or email library@woollahra.nsw.gov.au.
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Genevieve Loy Kemarr Cooee Art is currently hosting the solo exhibition by Utopian artist Genevieve Loy Kemarr. The exhibition opened at Cooee’s Paddington gallery on January 16 and will continue to show until February 8. For more information, please visit www.cooeeart.com.au.
Bondi Sunday Markets Every Sunday from 9am to 4pm at Bondi Beach Public School you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.
Bondi Junction Markets Discover art, fashion, jewellery, delicious food and more from 9am to 5pm every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday under the shades at Oxford Street Mall, Bondi Junction. Rain, hail or shine, they’ve got you covered! For more information, visit thejunctionmarkets.com.au.
Des Renford Deal The Des Renford Leisure Centre in Maroubra is running a pretty sweet deal at the moment, with fortnightly memberships only $30, so you can get in and get your recommended 30 minutes of daily exercise without breaking the bank. Please visit www.drlc.com.au.
Saint Valentine's Day Celebrate this Valentine’s Day in style at The Golden Sheaf’s Single and Ready to Mingle Party. There will be DJs until 2am, and it’s common knowledge that The Sheaf gets the best sorts in Sydney, hands down. For more information, please visit www.thesheaf.com.au.
Osher's Orchestra The Sydney Symphony Orchestra will be joined by Osher Günsberg in A Valentine’s to Remember at the Sydney Town Hall on February 14-15. The show will feature Australia’s premier orchestra performing music from iconic romantic films. Please visit www.sydneysymphony.com.
Tomato Festival Sydney The lushest harbourside foodie event, Tomato Festival Sydney, returns to the Royal Botanic Gardens on February 15-16. This year’s theme is ‘The joy of the kitchen garden’. For information and details of ‘The Longest Tomato Lunch’ by chef Luca Ciano, visit www.rbgsyd.nsw.gov.au.
Women’s T20 World Cup The ICC Women’s T20 World Cup is coming to town! It all kicks off this evening, with Australia to face India at Sydney Showground - that’s way out west, for those who don’t leave the Eastern Suburbs bubble. For more information, please visit www.cricket.com.au.
Bondi Farmers Markets Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday morning from 9am. Please visit bondimarkets.com.au.
Dog Day Out Bring your best mate along to the Dog Day Out at The Clovelly Hotel. There’ll be plenty of paws, pints and prosecco, as well as a best dressed dog competition and plenty of dog treats and meals from 12pm. For more information, please visit www.clovellyhotel.com.au.
Friday Croquet at Coogee Coogee Croquet Club welcomes visitors of all ages to Twilight Croquet every Friday from 2pm onwards. All equipment and coaching is provided, so you can be playing your first game in minutes. For more information, phone 0439 893 766 or visit www.coogeecroquet.org.
Mardi Gras Parade This year’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Parade will be held tonight from 7-10pm in and around Oxford and Flinders Streets. As well as the parade, there’s a heap of other events happening, which you can find out more about by visiting www.mardigras.org.au.
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Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals P: 0409 808 866 Lawns/Gardening Ray Brownlee Ray's Lawnmowing P: 0467 670 785 Plumbing Steve Kova Local Plumber P: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing P: 0405 543 530 Builder Mark Potocki Against The Grain P: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Alfy Issa Alfy's Truck P: 0411 216 103 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive P: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley P: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons P: 0414 293 396 Concreter Jay Rodney Oceanside P: 0411 989 565 Plumber Michael Grimshaw Pipe Up Plumbing P: 0415 493 706 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths P: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical P: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees P: 0412 280 338
Email your resumé to james@thebeast.com.au
DAV E S H A R M A THE COMEBACK KING Interview James Hutton Pictures Jeremy Greive Instagram @jeremygreive
Back in May 2019, Liberal candidate Dave Sharma staged an incredible comeback to win back Wentworth from popular independent Dr Kerryn Phelps, campaigning day and night to flip a miniscule losing margin from the October 2018 by-election back in his favour. We caught up with Dave at his electoral office in Edgecliff not long before the bushfires stranded us down the South Coast...
grown up in Trinidad, and just went, “What’s going on?” It was unusual at the time, interracial marriages back then were pretty unusual in the ‘60s. I remember growing up - this was in the 1980s in Sydney - and there weren’t many non-white people, and there certainly weren’t many mixed marriages. It’s completely normal these days, which is great and as it should be, but it was unusual at the time.
How are you this afternoon David? I’m good James, nice to see you. Whereabouts did you grow up? I grew up in Turramurra, on the North Shore of Sydney. I was born in Canada, in Vancouver, but I moved here to the North Shore, which is where my mum’s from, in about 1979. I was about three years old at the time. And your dad was from India? He’s Indian, but he’s Diaspora Indian. His parents came from India. He was born in Trinidad and Tobago in the West Indies, in the Caribbean, and he met my mum in London in the early ‘60s I think. My mum grew up in Sydney, she was born and raised in Australia. She took a boat over to London when she turned 21, met my dad who was working as a lawyer over there, had a crosscultural romance and married, which was pretty unusual back then, to be honest. Were they hippies? No, they weren’t hippies. It was funny though because when my grandparents were alive my mum’s parents, who I loved dearly, sent their daughter off to London thinking she’ll come back again. So she comes back with this dark Indian man, pretty exotic,
"I remember growing up - this was in the 1980s in Sydney - and there weren’t many non-white people, and there certainly weren’t many mixed marriages."
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What were his family doing in Trinidad and Tobago? His dad was a Hindu priest, a Brahmin priest. When the slave trade ended the workforce predominantly came from India as indentured labour. They had a work contract, they’d be paid for their passage they had to pay off in two or three years - and they’d be given land. That’s how they basically got the labour force onto the sugar plantations after slavery ended and this is why these places like Trinidad are half Afro-Caribbean, half Indian, because they took the workforce from both. My dad’s dad came out as a priest, a minister to this bigger community of Indians. His dad was a priest, a lot of his elder brothers were shopkeepers, small retailers, a common Indian story. He was the youngest of nine
children so he was the one that got the formal education. They all saved up, sent him to school beyond the age of 12, he did high school and they all saved up and sent him overseas to university. He was the first one in his family to get a formal education, then everyone followed since, but he was the one they invested it all in, to move them up the educational ladder and the social ladder. Are your parents still around? My dad’s still around, he’s 91 and he still lives in Turramurra where we grew up. That’s a solid innings... Yeah, very good innings. He’s still in great health. I saw him on Sunday, I speak to him every day. My mum passed away when I was about 12 though, she had breast cancer. I think she got it at age 44 and she died when she was 46. I was 12 years old at the time. Is it true you got a perfect HSC score? I got the highest one you can get. I don’t think it means it was perfect, but I was one of 14 people that year to get 100. I worked hard, I applied myself, but there’s always a bit of luck in these things. I must’ve had a good day at the exam. Did you still play plenty of sport and have a balanced year 12? Yeah, I worked pretty hard. It’s funny, I went to a public high school - a non-selective public high school - so I think that probably actually made me work harder. I was conscious that I was doing pretty well at my school and I knew my rank, but I had no idea how my school stood up against James Ruse or Sydney Grammar or some of these selective schools. I had no idea, I thought I would get about 95, 96, 97 - I thought I was on track for
that - but beyond that I thought I just can’t benchmark myself because I’ve got no idea. James Ruse takes the top one per cent of students from New South Wales, what are they going to be like? I still had lots of good mates, played basketball and tennis and messed around, used to surf and bodyboard at the beach and stuff like that. I was pretty disciplined when I was studying, I didn’t stuff around and there were much fewer distractions in those days, but then I also still had a pretty normal life I think. Was it Turramurra High School? Yeah, that’s right, it was Turramurra High School, which is a good public school but it’s not selective and it’s kids from all walks of life. Would you still send your kids to a public school now? Yeah, of my three kids, two of them are at public school, they’re in primary school. One of them is at high school, which is a private school. I’m a bit more pro public school, if it’s the right public school, the right child as well. Some children do better in private school, some to better in public. My wife’s from a private school. She grew up in Brisbane so she’s always been a bit more pro private school. I just want to make sure my kids grow up knowing the full spectrum of human experience and they’re not with too narrow a cohort of people, because it can mean that they have unreal expectations about what life’s like or what life offers. I’m keen to make sure that they have a broad social education as well as a formal education. Then you went to Cambridge to study law? I started off studying natural sciences and then I changed to law and graduated with law. That was really my dad’s inspiration or encouragement because, like I said, he grew up in Trinidad, he went overseas
to London to study. He encouraged me at the end of school, he said, “Look, why don’t you go and do something a bit different? Apply here for universities here,” and of course with the TER of 100 I got into everything I wanted. I got an offer to go to Cambridge University as well. I’d done an interview with them and they’d looked at my marks and I thought, “Look, this would be much more a whole of life experience, Australia will still be here when I come back. I’ll miss my friends but this will be a big adventure.” So I went off and it was a great adventure.
Why do you think you lost the Wentworth by-election to Dr Kerryn Phelps in October 2018? I think there was just a bit of a perfect storm of events. A popular Australian prime minister who faced an election himself and won it in 2016, Malcolm Turnbull, had gone from the leadership in pretty dramatic fashion. People were angry about that across Australia because, I think, we’d done this in the Labor years and people weren’t happy about it. I don’t know why we thought it
might’ve been different this time, but people, naturally enough, felt that they’d vote for the prime minister, even if the system is not quite like that. People were angry about that, and that was compounded by the fact that Malcolm was the local member here in Wentworth, so people were particularly angry about it here because they felt like this is their guy, he’s been here for 15 years, he’s part of us and you’ve treated him like this, we’re really angry about it. I think people were concerned at the time that it meant that part of the party was ascendant, that people who opposed Malcolm’s leadership and the party were moving in a different ideological direction, away from the centre and towards the right. I really don’t think that’s the case. Then it was a byelection, and a by-election in Australian politics is always a classic textbook opportunity to deliver a message, because it doesn’t really change the government but people can say how they’re feeling. I think all of that together, plus Kerryn Phelps, good candidate. Do you get along with Kerryn Phelps? You guys are probably quite similar politically... Yeah, I can’t pretend to know her well. I got to know her during the campaign, and that’s a pretty unusual context to get to know someone, but she’s very well qualified, an impressive Australian who’s done a lot for the country. I think she was a formidable candidate when we started, with a higher media profile than me for sure, which helps as well. If you’ve got name recognition it means a lot in this business and she had high name recognition. You put all those things together, it was a bit of a perfect storm and I think, in hindsight, the fact that it was as close as it was gave me some encouragement to contest again.
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What changed that resulted in you winning the federal election just seven months later? I think people were getting over their anger about what had happened to Malcolm. People were voting for a government this time and it was a very clear choice, it was either going to be a Liberal government or a Labor government - you weren’t going to get an independent government. I think people knew, because it was likely going to be close, that this seat really mattered.
"People were voting for a government this time and it was a very clear choice, it was either going to be a Liberal government or a Labor government you weren’t going to get an independent government." There was more consequence? Yeah, exactly. I think I was a bit better known, the fact that I’d stuck around and gone again, I think people respected that, “He didn’t just fly in and fly out, he’s still here,” and people got to know me a bit better in the intervening period. It was still a close result in the general election, I kind of flipped the margin around basically. It was a 51.548.5 seat before, and it is now but it’s just in the other direction. How much was spent on the campaign to get you elected? Is that publicly available information? No, look, I think we put... All our donations are disclosed. I don’t know the final figure but it was, in the course of a closely contested election campaign, a normal sort of figure. I think my campaign and the Phelps campaign probably spent similar amounts of money, but I don’t want to put a dollar figure on it, I’d prefer not to. The amount that was spent, could that have been the difference between winning and
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losing? I don’t think so. I guess where money is helpful is it gets you a media buy, that’s basically where most money goes in campaigns. If you’re getting a lot of free media - and Kerryn got a lot of free media during the by-election - and if people are interviewing you and running your content, that’s promotion. She didn’t benefit as much from that this time around because it was a general election and there were other stories, but at the by-election it was just this story, the Wentworth story. I’d always be worried about money playing too big a role in Australian politics, but I don’t think it is at that point. You saw, just as an example, Clive Palmer spent 15 or 16 million dollars, and what did he get for it? He got a lot of billboards, he got a lot of media, he got a big profile, but it didn’t convert to anything, he didn’t win a senate seat, he didn’t end up winning anything. I think it’s helpful to build name recognition but I think I already had that after the by-election. It’s helpful to build up your profile. But in a general election I think people are focused on national issues, the national choice, and they’re often just looking at the leaders and the two alternatives there, it’s like Scott Morrison versus Bill Shorten. They’re voting for a party and a government and a leader. Everyone’s different but I think when people go into the ballot box they’re imagining those two alternative scenarios. The candidate plays a part but I think it’s only a small part of quite a big picture. How do you feel about political donations generally? I’d describe them as a necessary evil. The alternative is we have fully publicly funded election campaigns, where the public basically underwrites every candidate, there’s probably a cap on how much they can spend and everyone’s kind of got a level pegging. The difficulty with that situation is that if you have third party groups that don’t campaign for a candidate but campaign on ‘issues’ and they’re not subject to the same laws or
requirements they can really tilt the outcome, because you can campaign on issues but you’re effectively campaigning for a party. The other area I’d point to is that Labor has a structural advantage here because they’ve got the people, and you need people and money to run a campaign. The unions are a huge source of money for Labor but they’re also a huge source of people. If you go to any polling station during an election campaign there are a lot of union volunteers, quite often self-identified wearing the union shirt. As Liberals, we don’t have the same industrial base to draw from. Although Labor has the support of the unions, the Liberal Party has the support of the church, which has a lot more members and influence, and you’ve also got a lot more support from big business as well... Yeah, I would say that traditionally that was the case, but I don’t think it is now. I think if you look at churches now, churches span the political spectrum in terms of orientation. During the by-election the head of one of the big Jewish synagogues here came out and endorsed my opponent. If you look at the Uniting Church, they’re pretty progressive on a lot of issues, I wouldn’t think they’d see themselves as affiliated with anyone. And then business, if you look at business donations to politics now, they generally split the difference, they’ll give to both sides, so the big banks give to both. I don’t think it’s true anymore that businesses are financial supporters of Liberals and unions are to Labor, I think business is splitting the difference both ways. Is it a fair political system where money can by more influence than an individual voter? I don’t think it’s just money. You’ve always got to be on the lookout against structural features of a political system that can be exploited or used. The truth is that if you’ve got fame for some reason, or if you’ve got notoriety for some reason, then you’ve got an advantage over your run-of-themill candidate. If you’re a former
The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city
Randwick News Like many of you, I have spent much of this summer watching with deep sadness as fires continue to burn throughout Australia, ruining lives and devastating communities. It’s at times like this that Randwick’s Sense of Community kicks in, as people ask us what can be done to help. I’ve been in touch with the Mayors of Bega Valley Shire Council, Eurobodalla Shire Council, Snowy Valleys Council and Shoalhaven City Council to discuss with them what kind of help they need. In the short-term they are relying on the many agencies and charities that provide practical, on-the-ground, in-the-moment support. The best way we can assist is through cash donations to charities such as the Red Cross, Salvation Army and St Vincent de Paul. Likewise, donations to the various state rural fire services will ensure that firefighters and their families get all the support they need. We will also offer our support through the newly established disaster recovery coordination service which was announced by the Office of Local Government. This will offer staffing and equipment from non-affected local councils such as ours. If you’re looking ahead to a time when we finally see an end to these fires, perhaps you could plan a trip to one of the affected towns and spend some tourist dollars at their hotels, local stores, pubs and camp grounds. Our support won’t stop when the fires do, it will continue until we see our fellow Australians back on their feet and thriving once more.
What’s On 19 JANUARY MONSTER PEEK-A-BOO PUPPET WORKSHOP 12.30-2pm
Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda St, Randwick
22 JANUARY CRAFT WORKSHOP FOR THE YEAR OF THE RAT (IN MANDARIN) 10.30am-12 noon Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra
23 JANUARY MANGA DRAWING WORKSHOP 1pm-2.30pm Margaret Martin Library Level 1 Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, Belmore Rd, Randwick
26 JANUARY AUSTRALIA DAY AT MAROUBRA 10am-12.30pm
Maroubra Beach
11 FEBRUARY THE DISARMING REALITY OF PARENTING A CHILD WITH A DISABILITY 10.30am-11.30am Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra
11 FEBRUARY NEW YEAR, NEW YOU! HOLISTIC HEALTH AND WELLBEING 1pm–2pm
Margaret Martin Library Level 1 Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, Belmore Rd, Randwick
Councillor Danny Said Mayor of Randwick
1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au
rugby league player, a former business figure, a former actor or actress, a former television journalist - Kerryn Phelps did The Today Show for 20 years, big structural advantage - now is that fair or unfair? Is it a level playing field? It’s just how it is. Money is just part of the equation that makes the candidate. You hope, at the end of the day, that voters are voting on the merits of ideas and competing views and visions of society, and not solely on the basis of the person they know the best. It’s an imperfect science and we all do, as humans, take a lot of heuristic shortcuts. We don’t always weigh out the pros and cons of every issue. We have these mental shortcuts and that’s where all these things help - fame, notoriety, looks, gender. All these things make a difference, and money’s in that mix as well, but I think it’s hard to say, “Money’s bad but everything else is okay.” They’re all shortcuts in the way we, as humans, assess and analyse things. It’s from a primordial psyche where we’re attuned to make decisions very quickly based on limited information, so we use all these cues and shortcuts. A lot of politics is about appealing to them. If people like the look of you, if they think you’re trustworthy, if you’ve got a nice smile, if they feel like they can relate to you because you’re in the same stage of life, you’ve got the same sort of profile... that all helps. I think the Clive Palmer example is pretty telling here. People didn’t find him appealing, even though he spent a whole lot of money. Whose idea was it to announce moving the Aussie embassy in Israel to Jerusalem just before the by-election? The announcement was a review of the location of the embassy, because that review did not actually conclude until December, but there was an announcement made. It was the government’s decision. Whose decision was it? The government’s. The cabinet’s and the prime minister’s. I was a candidate. I had, in the past, because I’d been an ambassador
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to Israel, I’d written publicly that we shouldn’t be ruling out this idea - this was when Trump did it - but I wasn’t part of the government at the time and so that was their decision. I respect it and I can see the merit of it. I think where we got to in the end is the right place. But it backfired, right? Everyone felt like they were just being bribed... If you see it as a political move, but I think the idea has merit on its own terms. I think the difficulty is, because the announcement was made in the context of the by-election campaign, people saw it only through a political lens.
"You’ve always got to be on the lookout against structural features of a political system that can be exploited or used." The timing was awful... It’s a complicated argument and debate to carry, a complex discussion to have, and in hindsight it probably would have been better if we’d had that conversation outside the context of the by-election campaign. Do you think the embassy should be moved? Where we’ve got to now is we’ve recognised Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and I think that was important we do that, because up until now we’ve maintained a policy of ambiguity about where Israel’s capital is. Has Australia actually done that? Yeah, so in December we announced we’ve recognised Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. We’ve opened a trade and commercial office in Jerusalem, so we have a diplomatic presence in Jerusalem now. And we’ve said the location of the embassy we’ll keep under review but we think there needs to be a negotiated solution to the Israel Palestinian conflict before we move the embassy. Where we’ve got to is right, we’re right to be a little forward
leaning on this. We’d found ourselves in this position, this all dates from 1948 when Israel was created and people expected at the time that shortly after that War of Independence that the sides would come together and basically negotiate what had become a ceasefire or lines into a permanent international boundary. We all said at the time, “Well look, we’re not going to do anything until you guys sort this out and tell us where the final boundaries are.” We’re now 71 years on and for all that time we’ve basically been treating Israel as a transient nation in some sort of sense. “Look, we know your capital’s in Jerusalem but we’re just going to pretend it isn’t, even though we’ve travelled there and lived there.” It had become almost an obstacle to peace rather than a facilitator of peace because we’d allow one side to continually exercise a veto over the other side’s legitimacy as a nation. Are you speaking about Israel not letting Palestine have any legitimacy? No, no. There’s been good faith efforts by the Israelis to basically reach a territorial and political compromise. There’s the Oslo Process, the Camp David Accords, and on all occasions, and for complicated reasons, the Palestinians basically walked away from the table saying, “No, we don’t want to do this deal. We don’t accept the deal that’s on offer.” I think Israel has shown good faith in attempting to give land back to the Palestinians in exchange for peace. You think they have? They have. I think they have. Haven’t they continuously taken more and more land and exercised more and more control over Palestinian’s lives since May 15, 1948? From 1948 to 1967 the West Bank of the Jordan River was controlled by Jordan and the Gaza Strip was controlled by Egypt. In 1967 Israel was invaded by an Arab army of Syria, Iraq, Egypt and Jordan and they fought back and they occupied a whole lot of extra land after that war. It was a defensive war,
Mayor’s Message As we embark on a new year, it is a solemn time for so many around the country with the devastation left by bushfires. I want those affected by the fires to know that our community cares and will be doing what we can to help them. Waverley Council is talking with the affected councils to see what they need from us once the devastation settles and there is a clearer idea of what is needed in terms of services, equipment and goods. However, the best way we can help right now as a community is to donate money. There are several ways to donate, all of which are on Council’s website at waverley.nsw.gov.au Finally, I want to acknowledge the amazing acts of selflessness, bravery and courage that are happening every day in communities across the country. The way everyone is banding together is a reflection of the Australian spirit. Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks about how we can help our fellow communities. Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley
Stay safe this summer with our surf safety tips.
Events Summer Daze Various dates during summer Upstairs, Bondi Pavilion Bringing you a sampling of the local Bondi music scene in a series of relaxed Sunday sessions at the Bondi Pavilion once a month from February. Sessions feature a mix of up and coming and well known acts from Bondi and beyond with cool summer vibes at your favourite venue. Visit the website for session times and more information waverley.nsw.gov.au/music For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/ events
Summer beach safety tips With the summer season well and truly underway, be sure to keep these top tips from our Lifeguards in mind as you head to the beach! • Swim between the red and yellow flags • Always slip, slop, slap, seek, slide If you get caught in a rip: • Stay calm • Raise an arm and call out for help • Do not try to swim against the current • When the current slows, float toward the sandbar or breaking waves
Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.
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they fought it because they were attacked. After that they gave back the Sinai Peninsula to Egypt in 1979, they reached a peace agreement with Jordan in about 1989, 91.
"I think Israel has shown good faith in attempting to give land back to the Palestinians in exchange for peace." That was with King Hussein? Yeah, with King Hussein. And they’ve always been interested in a land for peace proposition. Yeah, there are Israelis living in what would become a Palestinian state, but if you travel there the number is small, their locations are small and the place is overwhelmingly Arab Palestinians. I’ve travelled through all the West Bank and Gaza, there’s very few Israelis there. Those that are there, yes, under any peace agreement they would need to be pulled out. But I think Israel’s shown it’s done that in the past by giving land back to Egypt. They gave back the Sinai but haven't they maintained control over the West Bank? Yeah. And the Golan Heights? The Golan Heights, yeah. So they took heaps and just gave back a sliver? Well, Sinai was more than twice the size that Israel is today, so they gave back 66 per cent of the land. The Israeli settlements may only take up small amounts of land but haven't they been built strategically in a grid so that land can never be part of a Palestinian state? Those settlers would have to vacate. When Ariel Sharon pulled out of Gaza in 2005 he forcibly evacuated a whole lot of Israeli settlers that were there - there’s no Israelis that live in Gaza now at all - so I think they’ve shown a willingness. It makes it complicated, the settlements make peace more complicated. I’m not pro settlement, I’m not going to defend
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them. I think they make peace more complicated but it doesn’t mean they’re an insuperable obstacle to peace. Back to this decision to recognise Jerusalem as Israel's capital; don't the Palestinians want that as their future capital as well, at least the eastern part of it? Yeah. Do you think rewarding a government that doesn’t seem to care much about the human rights of an entire race of people is a good idea? What we’ve done is we’ve recognised that Israel has a claim to Jerusalem as their capital, that’s without prejudice to the final boundaries. We said at the time that we’d envisage that East Jerusalem would become the capital of the future Palestinian state as well. Ideally it would be a shared capital with both parts. Look, the truth is that all the Israeli government institutions are in the western part of Jerusalem. Any time that an Australian prime minister, foreign minister, US president or anyone goes to Israel they go to Jerusalem, so de facto we’ve been treating it as their capital for years. What we’ve been saying is, “Until you can convince the Palestinians to reach an agreement with you, we’re not going to recognise it as your capital, even though we visit and travel there.” It had been allowing one side to limit the normality of our interactions with another side, which I think was not right. It’s not a panacea - it doesn’t fix everything or anything - but I think it was a bit of unfinished historical business. The conflict has been characterised by too many people, focused too much on concepts and not enough on things on the ground and actually improving things on the ground. Anyone can see it’s a commonsense proposition, I think there’s been a lack of commonsense in dealing with that conflict. I went to Jordan a while back and many of the people I met were displaced Palestinians who'd been booted off their land, or their families had been booted out back in 1948, they were basically refugees. When you speak
about the Palestinians not wanting to negotiate, these people want to be able to return to their homeland but that’s off the table with the Israelis... Yeah, I think their argument would be, firstly there were a lot of Jews expelled from Arab countries around the same time. Jews had lived in Baghdad for three thousand years, and in Cairo and Alexandria, and they were all expelled by the Arab regimes. They all fled, they were basically expelled by the Arab countries in ‘48 and ‘56 and ‘67... And they all went to Israel... They went to Israel, and they don’t say, “Look, I want to go back to Alexandria,” “I’ve got my house in Cairo still,” “When do we get to go back to Baghdad?” When the Ottoman Empire split apart, Greece and Turkey fought a war. There’d been Ionic Greeks living on the coast of Turkey, that Mediterranean coastline in Turkey, again for thousands of years. Nasty conflict, two new states created, population swapped. India and Pakistan, the partition of 1947, millions of people displaced, never to return to their homeland, having to start a new life. It’s an unfortunate reality of some of the post colonial or decolonisation conflicts in the 20th century, but the reality is those Palestinians who were displaced in 1948 are not going to be able to return in numbers to Israel, just as all those Jews displaced from elsewhere in the Middle East in 1948 and thereafter aren’t going to be able to return to their homes either. But it’s better for everyone, and particularly for the generations that come, if we all get to grips with that reality. Conflict leads to displaced populations. We resettle people here all the time in Australia 27,000 people a year - who’ve come from Somalia, Pakistan, Afghanistan... It’s tough for the generation to whom it happens, it’s less and less tough for the subsequent ones, but the Palestinians displaced from that conflict, because they’ve been kept in camps now, there’s several generations that this is all they’ve
known and that’s not healthy and good for them. It doesn’t help resolution of the conflict and I don’t think it’s a good thing for us to be doing generally. What if all the Russians, Eastern Europeans, Americans, Australians and Brits who moved into an Israeli settlement on Palestinian land just moved back to where they came from and let the Palestinians move back in? It’s a complicated issue. There’s virtue on both sides, there’s blame on both sides. It’s history, it’s happened, we’ve got to move on from it now. How do you go about reducing the threat of terrorism? Firstly, you’ve got to protect your populations from it, which means police work, law enforcement, intelligence and whatnot. It’s different all the time, there’s no general answer because people turn to terrorism for different reasons. There’s been terrorism throughout the 20th century, spurred on by different political causes. Sometimes they’re historical grievances, sometimes they’re political grievances, sometimes they’re religious grievances, and so I think you’ve got to look at what is going on in each of those and how do you address some of those things. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam, the Tamil Tigers, they were basically a nationalist movement; the Palestinian terrorist organisation, a nationalist movement; the more recent manifestations of terrorism have been Islamic Jihadist type movements, so religious extremists... There’s a lot of discussion about reducing the threat of terrorism, but we rarely hear discussion about why terrorists would want to harm someone in Australia. What motivates someone on the other side of the world to want to do that? Do you think Australia’s defence policy of following America into all of these wars in Muslim countries has made Australia a less safe place? No, I don’t, and I don’t think we should ever allow our foreign policy to be dictated by fear. Effectively, if you think, “Oh, if we do this,
it’s the right thing to do, it’s in our national interest, but we’re worried about terrorists doing X, Y and Z,” well then you’re giving them a veto over your foreign and defence policy, and I think the historical record bears this out. Why did Osama bin Laden attack the Twin Towers and conduct terrorism on US soil? A whole lot of grievances, he could say, “There were US forces in Saudi Arabia,” or, “It’s the Israel Palestinian conflict,” or, “Oh, it was this or that.” Why have the French been attacked by ISIS is recent years, the Bataclan terrorist attacks and whatnot? Is it French foreign policy or is it basically an attack against a civilization?
"I’m not pro settlement, I’m not going to defend them. I think they make peace more complicated but it doesn’t mean they’re an insuperable obstacle to peace." I’d say yes to all those things. Obviously there’s extremist doctrines like Salafist Wahhabism in Saudi Arabia and that sort of thing - there’s always going to be crazy people - but the reason that they can get such influence and attract such strong followings is because of Western nations imposing their will on other countries... No, I don’t agree. I don’t think they do have strong power over their followers. What about ISIS? They couldn’t hold their state, they couldn’t hold their caliphate together, because people fundamentally don’t want to live under their rule. I don’t think they actually are appealing. Part of the tactic of terrorism is you conduct spectacular attacks and you terrorize people because you can’t gain any legitimacy any other way. You can’t get media or profile or support except through fear. If they had a compelling thing to offer they’d be a traditional political
movement, but they don’t have a positive vision to offer, they’ve got a bundle of grievances which they’ve packaged together, overloaded with a whole load of conspiracy theories and a denial of personal responsibility and personal agency for issues and they find a convenient scapegoat. Any ideology that demonizes one single people or set of issues - just like Nazism did - for the problems of the world is basically bereft of any logical reason or intellectual underpinnings. Totalitarianism is basically always an attempt - and the populism that comes with it - to ascribe all the ills of your society, your life condition, your economy, on to the other. And the other is always someone that you can’t identify with and has different customs, different dress, different looks, different ethnicity and a different religion. It’s a cheap stunt by populous, clever strongmen, cynical political leaders, to deny responsibility for their own failings or their own personal shortcomings and put it on someone else. There’s been lots of these types of movements in history, Islamic extremist terrorism is just the latest manifestation of that phenomena. One of the biggest challenges around here is housing affordability. Do you think low interest policy has widened the gap between the housing haves and have-nots? Has low interest policy been a big mistake? I worry a lot about housing affordability. I think there’s no doubt now that the cost of a median house versus a median income has gone up in terms of multiples, particularly in Sydney. We’re one of the least affordable cities in the world for housing, and it has all sorts of bad social consequences. It means that people can’t afford to a buy a house in the neighbourhood in which they grew up, it might mean that essential workers who don’t get paid well, like police, nurses, doctors and teachers, can’t afford to live in the community that they’re meant to serve, which I think has bad social consequences as well.
February 2020 The Beast 43
I think there’s a lot of factors at work here, it’s population growth, it’s the slow growth in our housing stock that is partly because of the planning and controls and different levels of government that need to approve this. It has been, in the past, a fair bit of foreign money coming and parking assets in housing wealth as a hedge against political risk in their own countries, which we’ve sort of clamped down on. Low interest rates have been part of it. I think the hard thing with the interest rates is that interest rates have never been used by the central bank to target asset prices generally, they’ve always been used to target consumer prices, inflation, and the mandate of the Reserve Bank is still basically price stability and full employment. They’re not meant to be using interest rates to pop housing bubbles or to take exuberance out of a market. In the last 10 or 20 years there’s been a lot of instances where asset prices - housing most recently, but at other times the stock market or equities have gotten out of whack with underlying fundamentals and we need to find a way to reign those in. With housing, we did that to a degree with the tighter prudential controls for bank lending, higher stamp duty for foreign buyers, needing to put up more of a deposit, etc. just to basically lessen the amount of money that was coming into the housing market, which I think has put a ceiling on housing prices and taken a bit off them as well. But I think it’s one of these things, interest rates are low because the global economy’s weak and we want to stimulate demand, but it’s also going to potentially have an adverse impact on the housing market and we need to find other policy measures to address that. What about the things you can control, like the tax treatment of housing? One thing that is baffling is that a retiree can be living in a house that could be valued at 20 million dollars and
44 The Beast February 2020
if they have no other assets they can still get a taxpayer funded pension... Yeah. Does anywhere else in the world have such a ridiculous policy? Someone who has a 20 million dollar asset can be getting the tax dollars in the form of a pension from someone who’s on a minimum wage and can’t afford to even rent in the area... We’ve got a principal place of residence exemption, usually for land tax as well, most states do it for land tax and then for asset tested government payments like the pension. People are going to have different views on this, but I think the social judgment’s been made that if you’re a person in your later years in life, clearly you might live in an expensive home but if your partner’s died and you don’t have an income stream anymore you couldn’t afford to pay the stamp duty on an expensive home because you don’t have enough incoming money. If you were ruled out of the pension you basically force the person to sell their home, because they’re not going to be able to live otherwise. We’ve taken the social judgment that people should be allowed to stay in their homes after they retire and not be forced into selling it because of financial pressures. They might sell up for other reasons - they might want to downsize, they might want to use that asset to go into the nursing home - but we’re not going to, through our tax transfer treatment of these things, force people out of their homes. That’s a social judgment. What about tallying up the amount of taxpayer funded pension that someone like that receives and then paying back the government from their estate when they pass away? So like a wealth tax? Or some sort of wealth tax or inheritance tax? Not a wealth tax, just a repayment of taxpayer money that they shouldn’t have been getting in the first place. What currently happens is that the asset gets passed on, tax free, to their kids when they pass away. So someone who doesn’t have rich par-
ents may as well just be giving money to their mates with rich parents. It just seems absolutely outrageous... I think Queensland was the last state to abolish inheritance tax in Australia. I know people argue for it, I just don’t think there’s public support for it and I personally don’t like the idea that if you work hard to save during your lifetime with a view to providing for your children, that the clock resets on that level of effort and your children don’t get the benefit of your hard work because we are saying that we’re going to levelize everything at the end.
"We’re one of the least affordable cities in the world for housing, and it has all sorts of bad social consequences." They still would get the benefit of what’s left but they would be getting the residual after the tax dollars they unfairly received were repaid... And what about if you’re a husband and wife, and the wife passes away, or the husband passes away, and the other party gets the full share of the family home; should that be taxed as well? And then what about if the parents pass on the place to you in their lifetime rather than when they pass away; should that be taxed as well? We all benefit from Medicare and free treatment at public hospitals, loads of people are eligible for subsidized age care services under My Aged Care and things like that, because we think there’s a social good in all of Australians being able to access certain levels of service. With the pension it’s a case where we think if you don’t have enough of an income to live... this is a decreasing problem, increasingly, because people will be relying more and more on their super. This is a generation that’s basically transitioned from a pension era to a superannuation era, which is going to be, well, I’m a bit older than you, but
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the same sort of thing, we’ll be relying on that. I think it’s a transitional problem, but I think Australian governments of both persuasions have taken the view that the social dislocation you cause by doing these sorts of things, they’re not really worth the benefit you get. The pension’s not a massively generous payment, it’s not easy to live on, unless you’ve got no other outgoings and you’re not having to pay rent or any other expenses like that. These people happen to benefit from the huge increase in housing prices, which is probably a once in a generation thing, but it’s not going to be a continuing feature of the system.
"We’ve taken the social judgment that people should be allowed to stay in their homes after they retire and not be forced into selling it because of financial pressures." Is the Morrison government’s commitment to a surplus damaging our economy? No, I don’t think so. I think it’s quite the opposite. If you looked at what the Reserve Bank said at their last board meeting when they reduced interest rates by a quarter of a point, they said there’s global economic headwinds - undoubtedly true - which is buffeting the Australian economy - undoubtedly true - and a lot of it’s caused by US-China trade tensions, but the things that are pushing the economy ahead are interest rate cuts; tax cuts, which have gone into people’s pockets after this financial year; stabilization of the housing market, which means people aren’t feeling the wealth effect from the decrease in the worth of their house; and pretty high commodity prices by average standards, which is supporting our export sector. The Reserve Bank described that as
46 The Beast February 2020
being at a tipping point. There’s basically a whole lot of stimulus that’s in the economy now and fiscal policy always works on a longer time lag than monetary, so that sort of stimulus takes longer to work through. But I think this commitment to a surplus is not only important for the fact that we do need to pay our government debt and restore the budget to balance over the course of the business cycle. It’s also an important sign of confidence and competence and doing what you say you’re going to do. Investors and business often take their cues from commitments and the ability of governments to meet their commitments. One of the most damaging things of Labor’s six years in government was Wayne Swan the treasurer promising four years of surpluses from the following year and then moving it back the following year and never delivering any, because that really hurts business confidence. If people think the government’s word is not worth anything, we can’t take government at its word, and that credibility matters a lot. I think the fact that we said we’re going to deliver a surplus, delivering on that is important for our credibility but it’s also important from a signalling sense to investors in the market. I think, as the Reserve Bank has said, there’s a fair bit of stimulus already in the pipeline, so we shouldn’t be throwing out the bathtub at this point in the business cycle. Do you believe that man-made carbon emissions are warming the globe? Do most people in the Liberal Party think that? Yes. Yeah, I think they do. I think it’s one of those things that on the balance of evidence it’s pretty clear it’s happening, you just need to look at the empirical evidence, the increase in concentrations of CO2 in the atmosphere, warmest years on record... You listen to the experts basically... Yeah, like any science, there’s no 100 per cent confident scientific judgment, but the confidence level about this judgment - the link between CO2 emissions
and changed climate - is growing more and more, stronger by the day, more compelling by the day. Population size has more of an impact on the environment than anything; does the Liberal Party have a population policy? We’re 25 million people here, there’s seven billion people around the world, so the world population is going to have an effect on emissions and I think the largest projections are that the world population will peak at around nine billion in around 2060, mainly because the birth rate in less developed countries is slowly tapering off from five or six to a replacement rate. We used to think in the 1800s that earth couldn’t support more than 500 million people - this was Thomas Malthus - and that the earth couldn’t feed as many people as were going to be on it and we’d all be facing famine and whatnot. Well, that changed because of the agricultural revolution. We have a pretty big footprint on the world at the moment with the population of six or seven billion, and that’s not just the CO2 emissions, that’s biodiversity, natural habitat, water, scarce resources and everything. It’s a good thing that the world’s population is tapering and it’s a good thing I think that it’ll cap off. But us alone in Australia, there’s not much point us saying, “Well, we’re going to cap our population at 25 million people,” while the rest of the world’s at seven or eight billion. What about quality of life in Australia? I don’t think that the quality of life in Sydney is better now than it was five or even ten years ago, in fact it’s probably worse... Because of the increased population? An increase in population puts downward pressure on wages and upward pressure on cost of living. It takes forever to get anywhere, you can’t park anywhere near your house if you don’t have a car park, hospitals are bursting at the seams and school waiting lists are out of control. It's getting busier and busier. People might be able to afford a slightly
nicer car but other, arguably more important things, are just getting worse and worse. Not to mention the impact on the environment... This is a generational thing and it’s change. I don’t think we can say, “Hey, we’ve got it all here, we’re going to put up the barricades and no one else can share in what we’ve got.” I think that’s quite unethical. Really? Why? You were talking before about the inequities of intergenerational wealth transfer, so we’re saying, “We’ve got Australia, this is great, no one else can come here, no one else can share in this. If you don’t live in Sydney now you can’t come and live here. If you don’t live in Melbourne now you can’t come and live here, because we got here first and so it belongs to us.” What about not totally cutting it off but rather than 160,000 people coming to Sydney each year, we cut that back a bit? I think we can do a better job. There are parts of Australia that desperately need more people large parts of Australia - and then parts of Australia that don’t, and that’s Sydney and Melbourne, by and large. But the rest of Australia - Adelaide, Brisbane, Perth, all the other major metropolitan cities plus the rural areas - would desperately love more people. So we’ve got to do a better job of directing the people that are coming into Australia more to regional areas and outside Sydney and Melbourne. Part of the problem in Sydney - and it’s already changing now, over the last couple of years - is the infrastructure basically hasn’t changed in 40 or 50 years. The roads are the same, the train lines are the same, Warragamba Dam is the same dam that feeds all of Sydney. We’re changing it now with the light rail, the metro, raising the dam heights, Western Sydney airport, etc. But, of course, if your population has gone up 50 per cent but the state government hasn’t invested in the infrastructure to support that, it’s not ideal. That’s what we’ve got at the moment, an infrastructural lag, because hos-
48 The Beast February 2020
pitals haven’t been built, schools haven’t been built, roads haven’t been built, railway networks haven’t been built, and this New South Wales state government I think is doing a good job of catching up on a lot of that, but it means there’s a lot of pressure on services now. We should be able to have a comfortable quality of life in Sydney as much in a city of five million as we did with two and a half million, if the infrastructure’s right, but the population has moved ahead of infrastructure, and that’s being caught up I think now.
"I’m realistic enough in this game to know that there’s a lot of stuff you can’t control, including how your career goes and who’s in government at what time and whatnot." Do you have aspirations to be the Prime Minister of Australia? No, I’ve got aspirations to do what I can as a parliamentarian to improve Australia. I’m realistic enough in this game to know that there’s a lot of stuff you can’t control, including how your career goes and who’s in government at what time and whatnot. I’d like to make a contribution, I’d love to have a ministry one day if I get there and be involved in policy a bit more, but beyond that it’s really a bit of a crapshoot, you know, who ends up on top and who doesn’t. Look at how, just the events of the last several years, no one would’ve predicted how they all turned out. It’s like saying, “I’m going to play rugby and I’m planning to win the World Cup in 2023.” Well, who knows how good your side’s going to be? Who knows how good the competition’s going to be? I’m realistic and pragmatic enough to know there’s the stuff I can control and there’s the stuff I can’t. The stuff I can control is to
try and do as good a job as I can and make as big a contribution as I can. There’s been a lot of controversy over press freedoms in Australia and the gradual erosion of freedom generally in Australia, probably since September 11. Can you offer some commentary on that? I don’t know if I buy into there being a gradual erosion of freedom. I’m not going to sign up to that. I think the nature of the threats we face to our liberties more broadly are changing, including because of the September 11 era and terrorism. The ability of people to do us harm as a society is greater than it has been because of technology and new terrorism, transport links, cyber space and everything else, so we need to be on guard against that. Part of what we’re paid for as a government is to keep people safe. I think our environment has changed since then because we live in a less benign world than we did and so we’ve had to do things differently. I’ve seen this campaign for press freedom. I’m always open to hearing what people have got to say about it. I think we’re open as a government to saying if things need to be adjusted they should be being adjusted. But some of the campaign, I think, has veered a bit towards the idea that journalists should be free to do what they want, and we can’t have a class of people who aren’t subject to the same laws as everyone else. I think it’s an important freedom that we’ve got to preserve, but we’ve seen lots of bad journalistic practises like the News of the World phone hacking stuff and they could’ve said, “Well, it’s public interest, we’re free to publish.” I don’t think they should be immune from those sorts of laws. Isn’t it already illegal to hack someone’s phone? Yeah it is, but I mean, if you took this campaign to its extremes, you’d be saying it shouldn’t be illegal if a journalist does it if it’s in the public interest. It shouldn’t be illegal for a journalist to take a cabinet paper and publish it, if it
was left lying around on a table, or a national security document. Because they want a different class of protections for journalists on this sort of stuff, I’m a bit wary about those sorts of arguments because ultimately it’s not about a journalist’s right, it’s about every citizen’s right to do certain things and we put limits on citizen’s rights. You don’t have the liberty to drive around without a seatbelt because of the risk you pose, not only to yourself and our public health system, but to others. You don’t have the right to use illicit drugs, even though you might only be harming yourself, because the social ills are compounded. We put limits on people’s freedoms because of the greater social good. Journalists need to make a case for why they think our current laws don’t allow them to do their job. I was a little concerned to see the raid on those two journalists’ homes though. I would be concerned if they were to be prosecuted for that. But I’d
say it wasn’t the government that raided the home, it was the police operating as it should, at arm’s length from the government. I don’t think it’s illegitimate for the police to be trying to find the source of these documents. These are both - or at least one of them - national security related documents that had come from high security classification. If someone within the government is leaking that out to journalists they could equally be passing it to a foreign country or a foreign power. If you sign up and work for the government, you’re subject to the Official Secrets Act and I, as a former diplomat with a top secret security clearance, take that stuff incredibly seriously. So I would want to know who was leaking this sort of stuff that’s from the highest levels of government, because it’s going to compromise us in all sorts of ways. I believe that’s what the police were after in those raids, not to target the journalists but to target the source.
The Government has been heavily criticised for its handling of the bushfire crisis, particularly Scott Morrison's leadership. How should things have been done differently? Will the Coalition make policy changes based on these events? There’s no doubt that there will be lessons to be learnt from this bushfire season, and things we can improve in future. For now the obvious priority is combating the bushfires and helping those affected to recover, but down the track I have no doubt there will be a comprehensive examination of all the issues at play: the contribution of climate change, fire preparedness, hazard reduction, federal-state responsibilities, disaster response mechanisms and so on. I’m certain this will lead to policy changes in a number of areas but I think it’s a little too early, and not very helpful, seeking to find scapegoats at this point. In a perfect world, what does the future hold for Dave Sharma? I’ll let you and your readers decide that ●
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Celebrate Your Patriotism This Australia Day Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Zena Phobe Australia is the greatest nation on earth, and Australia Day is the best opportunity for Eastern Suburbs residents to join their fellow patriots in proudly displaying their national pride. After all, the beloved leader of this great nation was born and bred right here in the east. Exactly how good is Australia? Well, since the peaceful settlement of the wide brown land just over 200 years ago, Australians have compiled a list of the following achievements which will forever put Australia first. • Australia has the biggest per capita carbon footprint of any nation on earth. • Australia continues to celebrate the invasion and colonisation of this land and the 50 The Beast February 2020
ongoing oppression of indigenous people. • Australia has the highest rate of mammal extinction of any nation on earth. • NBN • CBD and South East Light Rail • The Murray-Darling Basin • Australia sells the world almost nothing that requires a university degree to make. • Australia’s highest office is held by a family of irrelevant inbreeds whose luxurious lifestyle is funded by the taxpayer. • The Great Barrier Reef • NDIS • Australia has some of the highest rates of obesity in the world. • Australia still has a gender pay gap. • Australia’s press freedom is
under attack following police raids on media organisations and the home of a journalist (will The Beast ever be raided?) • Australia has some of the poorest rates of literacy and numeracy in the developed world. • Australia continues to deny the truth of its history. • Australia’s first people still have a life expectancy 20 years less than the average Australian. • Australians descended enmasse to Uluru to knowingly desecrate a sacred site before the climb was closed. • Australians cover the country in rubbish every Australia Day. • Australia gave women the vote after New Zealand. • Australia’s stated aim is to become one of the world’s top 10 producers of military weapons. • Australia locks up asylum seekers in detention centres, which cost taxpayers millions of dollars. • Australia burned through unprecedented bushfires while politicians met to approve new coal mines, ban protesting against coal mines and remove laws requiring environmental approval of coal mines. • Australia’s PM, born and bred here in the east, fled overseas while large parts of the country burned. • Australia’s PM, born and bred right here in the east, ran a tacky advertisement to promote his political party while large parts of the country burned. • Australia is conducting a Royal Commission into the aged-care sector. So, on January 26, puff out your chest and buy a Chinesemade Aussie flag (but not a Kiwi flag). If a compatriot should question what makes Australia great, remind them exactly where to go if they don’t like it. Then refer to the list above, and tell them, “Not today, not today.”
February 2020 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Mark Hunter Instagram @bondihunter Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter 3 0352 1015 1603 2209
1.41 0.74 1.20 0.65
4 0451 1130 1718 2309
1.47 0.68 1.19 0.64
10 0328 0956 1631 2232
0.34 2.02 0.14 1.55
11 0419 1044 1715 2321
0.31 2.00 0.15 1.58
17 0401 1045 1638 2225
1.58 0.58 1.22 0.64
18 0509 1202 1756 2330
1.60 0.56 1.20 0.65
24 0324 0948 1615 2215
0.49 1.73 0.38 1.44
25 0400 1021 1645 2247
0.49 1.70 0.39 1.46
•
Saturday
Sunday
•
1 0202 0758 1357 2023
1.36 0.71 1.35 0.59
2 0255 0901 1454 2113
1.38 0.74 1.26 0.63
•
5 0548 1.55 1235 0.59 1825 1.22
6 0005 0641 1329 1921
0.60 1.66 0.48 1.28
7 0059 0731 1416 2011
0.54 1.78 0.36 1.35
8 0148 0819 1501 2059
0.46 1.89 0.26 1.43
9 0238 0908 1546 2145
0.39 1.97 0.18 1.49
12 0512 0.32 1132 1.92 1800 0.20
13 0010 0607 1223 1846
1.60 0.36 1.79 0.28
14 0101 0706 1315 1933
1.60 0.43 1.63 0.39
15 0157 0811 1413 2024
1.59 0.51 1.45 0.49
16 0256 0924 1519 2121
1.58 0.57 1.31 0.58
19 0612 1.63 1306 0.50 1900 1.24
20 0031 0707 1356 1950
0.62 1.67 0.45 1.29
21 0123 0.58 0755 1.71 1436 0.41 2031 1.34
22 0208 0836 1512 2108
0.54 1.73 0.38 1.39
23 0247 0914 1545 2142
0.51 1.74 0.37 1.42
26 0435 1054 1715 2320
27 0513 1127 1744 2354
0.52 1.59 0.46 1.48
28 0553 0.56 1202 1.51 1815 0.51
29 0031 0636 1240 1848
1.48 0.60 1.41 0.57
0.50 1.65 0.42 1.47
Stephanie Gilmore fighting for The Bight at Bondi.
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Poor old Scott just can't take a trick.
The Unreliable Guide To... Leadership Words Nat Shepherd Photo Justin Time As America, the UK and Australia struggle under an Axis of Incompetence, The Unreliable Guide has been wondering what makes a good leader. Leadership is defined as ‘the action or ability to lead a group of people or an organisation’, which is pretty vague, but do Trump, Johnson and aloha-gate Morrison have what it takes? The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you work out who should be the leader of your pack... What makes a good leader? Psychology Today suggests, “It is the responsibility of leaders to develop a vision for the people and institutions they guide. They must establish what matters and explain why, so they can set direction, and inspire others.” In other words, if you want to lead us, we must believe that you are not a total f*ckwit and you must have the social skills to communicate your lack of f*ckwittery. Integrity is not a word you hear much associated with politicians these days, or perhaps ever, but emotional intelligence is essential - if you want to lead people you must 52 The Beast February 2020
understand their needs. Machiavelli recognised this in the sixteenth century, “He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command.” I’d argue that Trump, Johnson or Morrison couldn’t command their way out of a wet paper bag, so how has it come to pass that we’ve given these people the power to control our destiny? Good leaders in history Perhaps the current state of leadership is due to a lack of viable alternatives. Like Bill Shorten and Hillary Clinton, the UK’s Jeremy Corbyn was so disliked many long-term left-wing voters changed tack and voted in wild-card Boris Johnson. To misquote a famous song, “Where have all the leaders gone? Long time passing”. Let’s look at some good leaders from history to remind ourselves what they look like. India’s Mahatma Gandhi practised what he preached - the non-violent rejection of colonial rule - and he inspired a nation. Likewise, South Africa’s Nelson Mandela and the US’s Martin Luther King had the vision to
see beyond oppression and inspired hope in the hearts of millions of oppressed people. Even controversial leaders, like Churchill, Roosevelt or Napoleon, were successful because they gave one hundred per cent of their attention to the issue at hand. A good leader steps up in times of crisis and has the presence of mind to think and act creatively. They plan ahead but don’t let pride stop them from adapting those plans to circumstance. Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them, but all good leaders have charisma, guts and focus. Scomo could learn from that #wherethebloodyhellareya? What makes a leader bad? Dictators like Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Hitler and Stalin used their power and influence to forward their own agendas, idolising power for the sake of power. Bad leaders follow ego, vanity and pride. They lie, get caught and refuse to be accountable. And they ignore the needs of their people. Morrison’s worst trait is his lack of empathy. Are you poor, a refugee? F*ck you, I’m cutting welfare and medevac. Is your house on fire? F*ck you, I’ve cut the RFS to the bone and only political necessity forced me to compensate the volunteer firemen. Go hang, I’m in Hawaii drinking beers with the boys. Here comes Armageddon, hallelujah. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests we get the leaders we deserve. Until the size of our tax bill is less important to us than the quality of the air we breathe we will continue to have leaders who think only of the bottom line. When they tell us what we want to hear, we’ll believe them. To quote devious Machiavelli once again, “Mankind…are fickle, hypocritical, and greedy of gain.” Amen.
Our petition to save paediatric cardiac services at the Sydney Children's Hospital Randwick has now been mailed out. This is an issue that deeply concerns countless people from our community, and we are asking that you, and your friends and family take the opportunity to sign and return the petition to my office. If you would like to be involved in our local campaign, let us know.
CONTACT MARJORIE Electorate Office Details: Address: 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Email: coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Phone: 9398 1822 Fax: 9398 1044 Authorised by Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP, 15-53-55b Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031. Paid for using parliamentary entitlements. October 2019.
The Bondi Tram 'shooting through' in early 1960.
Better Public Transport Is the Answer Beneath Our Feet? Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Pat Cahill It’s been a long, hot summer and everywhere I go around the east I hear people talking about the traffic - choked streets, gridlock, longer travel times and poorer public transport options. The current outlook for improvements is not good. The new light rail has provided an additional transportation option for some, while also contributing to increased road congestion and longer travel times. The government’s other proposed solution to our transportation difficulties is the privatisation of our buses, which may well result in fewer buses on our roads (as the young and old, poor and disabled find themselves unable to go anywhere) but must ultimately lead to increased private vehicle use. A radical rethink is needed to properly address the problems associated with transportation in the east. In thinking about what we can do to improve public transport in our area, my concerns 54 The Beast February 2020
are not answered by the famous line from a 1960s mayor on the Gold Coast who proudly predicted, while ripping up railway tracks and removing the Gold Coast rail line, that, “It doesn’t matter because in ten years people will be flying to work in their helicopters.” Foresight? Not much! There is one form of transport, however, which we know carries large amounts of people at high frequencies from one side of major cities to the other, all over the world. It’s not ‘rocket science’ to figure out what that form of transport is - it’s rail. Speaking of foresight or a lack thereof, it’s time for the obligatory but short history lesson on the chequered past of heavy rail right here in the Eastern Suburbs. Long time residents may recall the Eastern Suburbs Railway, currently terminating at Bondi Junction, was conceived as far back as the 1930s or earlier. One of the original
concepts was for a line that extended past the Junction, with stops at Charing Cross, Frenchmans Road, Randwick, the University of New South Wales (UNSW) and Kingsford. Transport planners in a bygone era had even bought up the land for these stops. For the infrastructure nerds out there, where were these stations meant to be and what are they today? The quickie mart at Charo (formerly the famous Theo’s Milk Bar), the servo on the corner of Frenchmans and Clovelly Roads, a block of flats on Alison Road near the Randwick Club and underground beneath the centre of UNSW, with the line finally terminating at Seven Ways, Kingsford. Construction began around Central in the 1930s but halted. Some tunnelling work was done from Town Hall to Martin Place in the 1950s but halted yet again. In the 1960s, much of the line was completed all the way to Edgecliff, and finally in 1979 construction finished at Bondi Junction, with a planned station at Woollahra half built but abandoned along the way. We have all seen how Bondi Junction has changed since 1979, in some ways for the worse but in many ways for the better - improved access for all of us including those with disabilities, more jobs for our kids in the local shops, more choice for consumers in this ever changing 21st century, as well as more ways for us to get around the east and all of Sydney and on public transport. With the north western suburbs finally getting their mostly underground metro last year, is it now time for us to revisit the need for underground mass transit in the Eastern Suburbs. We live in the most densely populated part of town, with a high percentage of vehicle ownership. With so many
daily activities in such a small geographic area, peak hour is a massive challenge for locals in the east, as we all know. Should we now be considering a new underground heavy rail line for our area in the coming decade? State planning policies talk about a ‘rapid transit corridor’ for the east, but with scant detail, no alignment and zero funding by state or federal governments. Perhaps it’s up to us to push the politicians and planners further, to get some momentum for at least a discussion around what a rail line might look like, where it would go and how we would pay for it. Would it be an extension of the current Eastern Suburbs line? In this case the line could broadly follow the original route. Sadly, successive governments have sold off all the land above the stations, which earlier governments had the foresight to acquire.
Alternatively, the line could be a completely new metrostyle line, perhaps following the Bradfield plan and leaving the city from St James, travelling up through Paddington and down to Randwick and Maroubra, or towards Eastgardens. There was a lot of controversy around a line to Bondi Beach around 20 years ago - does the same opposition still exist? The reality is that any line would need to extend out into the heart of the Eastern Suburbs and even the south east, serving the municipalities of Waverley, Randwick and even Bayside. The next question is, where will the stations go? UNSW and the new Prince of Wales development is a no-brainer for one, surely. Now comes the controversial element: finding the land, trying to avoid residential properties wherever possible, and of course the big issue of
tunnelling beneath properties. All of this would need to be managed very carefully by any future government building a new underground rail line, with the community taken on the journey from the very early days of planning right through to opening day. There can be no denying that underground heavy rail moves people in numbers and at frequencies that no other form of public transport can match, not even the private helicopter travel predicted by that visionary Gold Coast mayor. As your local member right in the heartland of where a new underground railway may one day need to go, I’d like to find out your thoughts on this option generally and on such details as stations, routes and frequencies. It took from the 1930s to 1979 to open the first half of our railway so we ought to start the conversation now.
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I always go south, making south-going tracks.
Foot to Foot, Face to Face Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Theodor Seuss Geisel Recently I found myself sifting through my son’s bookshelf trying to work out which books were worth keeping. It was harder than I’d expected. Among the old favourites that I used to read to him as a toddler, and the more age-appropriate stuff he has now, I stumbled across Dr Seuss’ story of The Zax. Even I remember this classic, but as I started to read it again as an adult it presented a different perspective. The plot is simple, there are two Zaxs, one walking north and one walking south. Eventually they bumped into each other where they stood “Foot to foot. Face to Face.” Essentially it became a stand-off, with neither of them wanting to get out of the other’s way. Each being as stubborn as the other, they just stood there, refusing to give in. There they stood for 59 years, not budging an inch to the west nor an inch to the east, not caring if the whole world stood still. Well, it didn’t stand still, and eventually the world went on right around them, leaving the stubborn Zaxs standing staunchly in their tracks. What this story shows is how the Zaxs lacked any conflict management skills whatsoever, leaving them both worse off at the end of the day. But why were 56 The Beast February 2020
they so stubborn and unable to find some kind of resolution? At the crux of the matter is interpersonal conflict, where an expressed struggle is brought to light by two independent people who perceive two incompatible goals. The intensity of the struggle often correlates with the participants’ perceptions of the importance of their unmet needs or goals. It’s not hard to work out whether you are experiencing conflict in a relationship but it can be quite hard to resolve it, so it’s fair to say that people in conflict want something, the trick is working out what. In the case of the Zaxs, they really wanted the same thing, even though it appears initially that one wants the opposite of the other. It may seem confusing but when we look at conflict as a process it becomes easier to understand. All conflict has a source, a beginning, a middle and an end. The source for our Zaxs is the prior conditions that set the stage for the disagreement - one’s a north-heading Zax, the other’s a south-heading Zax. The beginning of the conflict is the awareness of frustration, when our Zaxs bump into each other and think they want different things. When their
perceived differences interfere with what they want, frustration increases. The middle in this example is basically active conflict, where they air their frustration, which can often lead to shouting or emotional intensity. The final stage is the end, or resolution, where one starts to try and manage the conflict. Of course, not all conflicts can be resolved and in the case of the Zaxs they just stood there trying to outpunk one another as the world kept going by. So, what tools could we have given the two Zaxs to reach a better outcome? My top three would have been... 1. One (or both) participants declare there is a problem and place it ‘on the table’ where it can be looked at from all angles. 2. Be aware that the individual ‘you’ is not the problem, the problem is the problem. 3. Discuss all options, cross out any that are unrealistic or unhelpful, refine the list and then discuss the pros and cons. Since some conflicts can be difficult to resolve, the assistance of an independent third party who is not emotionally attached may be beneficial. No matter what the severity of the problem, whether it be leaving the toilet seat up or wanting custody of the kids, the longer the problem goes unattended the more severe the conflict will become and the less likely it is that each person will get what they want. Next time you’re driving down Hewlett Street, Tamarama, or Keith Street, Clovelly, and encounter an oncoming vehicle, think of the Zaxs. With that said, if conflict is front and centre of your interpersonal relationships and seems unmanageable, please seek professional help. For further information, please contact Jeremy via bondicounsellingservices.com.
Chanida Sutthiruang and Thailand Captain Sornnarin Tippoch.
Everyone Loves an Underdog Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Maha Vajiralongkorn If, like me, you think T20 cricket is emblematic of the degradation of society into a mindless orgy of drooling egoists who live their reality virtually, but on the other hand, love the emergence of women’s sport, February is going to be a tricky month to navigate. The 10th edition of the Women’s T20 World Cup is coming to town! It all kicks off on the 21st of February, with Australia to face India at Sydney Showground that’s out west, for those who don’t leave the Eastern Suburbs bubble (don’t worry, I had to look it up too). Australia is the defending champion and red hot favourite to take it out once again. With home ground
advantage, you’d almost be tempted to put your mortgage on the short price, but if you’re placing bets like that, I’d happily put my mortgage on you losing your home at some point anyway. The teams contesting are, perhaps unsurprisingly, the usual suspects of world cricket: Sri Lanka, England, West Indies, etc. It’s good to see Thailand in there too though, and (at the time of writing) two yet to be decided qualifiers. Thailand is led by fast bowler Chanida Sutthiruang (remember the name) and given the unpredictable nature of the format, and despite my complete lack of knowledge on the
form-lines, I’m willing to label Thailand a dark horse, more than capable of springing a few upsets and advancing past the group stages. These will go until the 3rd of March, before both semi-finals are played on the 5th at the Sydney Cricket Ground, with the final to be played on the 8th at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, which happens to also be International Women’s Day. This is no coincidence, organisers are hoping to use the significance of the day to break the record for the highest ever attendance for a standalone women’s sporting event worldwide, which is 90,185, at the 1999 women’s soccer World Cup final between old foes the United States and China. They’ve called in the big guns and hired Katy Perry to try and do this. Am I wrong in thinking this is a little insulting to the likes of Ellyse Perry (no relation) and Meg Lanning? Do they not have enough star power already? Melbourne saw some great crowds for the AFL Women’s last year. I suspect organisers have just burned through a heap of cash for nothing. They should have booked Tina Arena. Katy Perry has said, “I’m all about celebrating equality and the achievements of women, which naturally happens on a global scale on International Women’s Day. It’s no coincidence that I said yes to performing live at the women’s final on this day.” I’m sure the huge pay cheque helped too, Katy. You want me to believe that crap, donate it to the victims of domestic violence, or prop up the salaries of the Thailand cricketers. But this tournament is bigger than Katy Perry and in this instance, I’m happy for our minds to be dulled for the greater good. Come on Thailand! February 2020 The Beast 57
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A bloody good spread.
A Genuine Game Changer Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo Zed Bechara Thanks to the release of popular yet polarising documentary The Game Changers, the benefits of eating vegan are at the forefront of a lot of people’s minds and the word vegan no longer has the negative connotations it once had. Images of unwashed hippies flinging buckets of symbolic red paint over unsuspecting diners at a bar and grill have been replaced with those of six packs, self care and environmental responsibility. The tide is turning for the once maligned vegan community and trendy, creative eateries like Zed Bechara’s Vegan Lebanese Street Food (VLSF) on Bondi Road are leading the charge. The restaurant, which began as a market stall run by owner and chef Bechara, is now Australia’s first 100 per cent plant-based vegan Lebanese restaurant, with a second location in Bondi Beach set to open in March. When I visited VLSF, the woozy synths and ethereal vibes of Rüfüs du Sol’s ‘Innerbloom’ filled the small yet lively space opposite the old post office. The trendy interior is lit up by 60 The Beast February 2020
a row of neon lights and the range of different personalities the restaurant attracts creates a vibrant atmosphere. This all makes for a fun dinner destination, but the fast paced kitchen and street style menu means VLSF can also double as a quick lunch stop. My menu recommendations therefore depend on the purpose of your visit. VLSF’s menu showcases all the classic Lebanese dishes. If you’re dining in and want to experience as much of what VLSF has to offer, the mixed plate is your best option. Featuring traditional Lebanese dishes such as majadara, falafel, vine leaf, spinach triangle, pickled turnips, cucumbers and chillies, as well as a trio of dips served with warm wholemeal bread and your choice between a fresh fattoush or tabouli salad, this plate is bursting with Middle Eastern colours and flavours. Bechara also uses minimal oils and salts and has ditched the deep fryer for ovens, meaning a bunch of the dishes are completely oil free. Bechara may have kept it simple when naming his then
market stall, but he is very creative in the way that he has veganised traditional Lebanese meat dishes. Bechara claims that 90 per cent of his customers aren’t vegan and hopes these veganised options can help people transition into a plant-based lifestyle. If you’re visiting because you want to eat less meat, but are worried that this will make you less happy, then the Taita’s meat pie and the chicken shawarma could be the compromise you’ve been searching for. Made from a plant-based mince and Lebanese spices, you could easily mistake this meat pie for the real thing and the chicken shawarma made with shredded seitan marinated in a special garlic and herb sauce is equally deceptive. If you’re swinging past and need to grab some quick lunch, this chicken wrap is perfect, as is VLSF’s signature falafel wrap. As for drinks, VLSF should have its liquor licence in the coming months, but in the meantime there is an assortment of kombucha flavours for you to detox on post-Christmas. If you’re looking for a Halal snack pack, this definitely isn’t the go, but if you’re keen to enjoy the traditional flavours of Lebanon without getting the meat sweats, this place is a genuine game changer. Vegan Lebanese Street Food www.veganlebanese.com.au Address 188 Bondi Rd, Bondi Phone 0404 413 335 Instagram veganlebanesestreetfood Open Mon-Fri 5-9.30pm, Sat 12-10pm, Sun 12-9.30pm Prices Mixed Plate $26 for 1 or $48 for 2, Lebanese Pies 3 for $12, Chick’n Shawarma $15, Slow Baked Majadara $19 Cards Master, Visa, Amex Licensed Coming soon
Ay Caramba!
Mexican Style Steak Sandwich Words and Picture Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine It’s time to get creative with your summer Aussie barbecue. This steak sandwich, with a nod to Mexican flavours, is simply delicious and worthy of entertaining your besties. To give it a Mexican twist, the steak is marinated in a fragrant combination of orange juice, chilli and garlic. Pickling vegetables, while not a new concept, seems to be having a big moment in home kitchens and it really adds another dimension of flavour to this steak sandwich. Give it a bit of spice to your liking, a good lathering of guacamole and the tangy zestiness of lime. It’s important to use a tender cut of beef. I used eye fillet but any good quality steak juicy enough to sink your teeth into is perfect. Just be sure to get some char on the outside. This is a recipe of simplicity and ease, perfect for casual summer cooking and dining outdoors. This recipe makes two steak sandwiches and definitely requires napkins!
Ingredients 2 eye fillet steaks, 150gms each Marinade for the steak Juice of half an orange ½ teaspoon chilli flakes 1 small clove garlic, minced Pickled onions 1 red onion, thinly sliced into rings Juice of half an orange Juice of a lime 2 chillies, finely chopped Sea salt and black pepper Guacamole 1½ ripe avocados Juice of ¼ of a lime Small bunch coriander leaves, roughly chopped (extra for garnish) Sea salt Ground black pepper 4 baby gem lettuce leaves 2 large slices mature cheddar cheese 4 slices sourdough, very lightly toasted Chipotle or Habanero (very hot) chilli sauce
Method 1. To make the pickled onions, cover the onion slices with boiling water and soak for 10 minutes. Drain and add orange and lime juices and chilli. Season with salt and pepper and leave to marinate for several hours. 2. Thin out the steaks a little with a meat tenderiser. 3. To marinate the steak, combine the juice from the orange, chilli flakes and garlic in a bowl, then add the steak and coat generously. Set aside for 20 minutes. 4. To make the guacamole, mash the avocado into a bowl, add the lime juice, coriander and season with sea salt and black pepper. 5. Drain the marinade from the steaks. 6. Heat the barbecue to high. When the grill is searing hot, add the steaks and cook on each side for 2-3 minutes (medium rare) or to your liking. Remove from the barbecue and cover with foil to rest for 5 minutes. Alternatively, cook the steaks indoors on a hot griddle pan. When rested, slice the steak into 2-3 slices to layer on the sandwich. 7. To assemble the steak sandwiches, place the toasted sourdough on the bottom, spread liberally with guacamole, lettuce, cheddar, steak, chipotle, pickled onions and finally the sourdough top. Sprinkle with fresh coriander to serve. Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine. February 2020 The Beast 61
Subject Send a raven Location Eastgardens Photographer Neil Paton
Subject Happy little vegemites Location Bondi Photographer Chris Cringle
Subject Rosey Location Centennial Park Photographer Juan A. Rojas
Subject As far as the eye can see Location Bondi Photographer Keegan Lawler @keeg270_photos
Subject Tangerine dream Location Bondi Photographer David Wesson @davidwesson
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Subject Framework Location Tamarama Photographer Kim kench @mummephotographyau
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Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au
Free Nationals FREE NATIONALS Label Empire/OBE Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating With an intro smoother than a Joey Tribbiani “How you doin’?”, this will draw you in immediately, but like many of Joey’s lovers, leave you wishing for something more meaningful. Floating along funkily, it has some nice arrangements, but there is an air of background music. It would be perfect performed live, at a low volume, in a bar by the ocean, but I don’t think that’s what they were aiming for. It can be quite sexually aggressive too. I’m no prude, but suggesting to your partner you’re going to “blow [their] back out” doesn’t seem the best course of action.
Eddy Current Supp' Ring ALL IN GOOD TIME Label Castle Face Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating
JUST MERCY Destin Daniel Cretton Genre Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Just Mercy is the engrossing true story of Bryan Stevenson (Michael B. Jordan), a young black lawyer and social justice activist, who saw heartbreaking persecution dealt out to minorities and decided to do something about it. Based on Stevenson’s 2014 award-wining memoir titled Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, it focuses on his 1988 legal case and a six-year battle for justice when, despite irrefutable evidence, an innocent black man is sentenced to death row for a crime he didn’t commit. In 1987 Walter McMillian (Jamie Foxx), a small-town business owner in Alabama, is framed for the murder of a young white teenager. What follows is a To Kill A Mockingbird type scenario with unabashed racial discrimination flowing thick and fast throughout the community and judicial system. Just Mercy may be slow-paced at times but it is also thought-provoking, profoundly moving and essential viewing that will leave you feeling angry, sad and uplifted in equal measures. 64 The Beast February 2020
Eddy Current Suppression Ring released their last album nine years ago. I almost cried when I read that. If I’d had to guess, I would have said four, five tops. Seize the day, people, time flies! They are champions of the lo-fi, alt-punk, don’t overthink it, just jam it out genre, which has its place but won’t ever really knock your socks off. It’s like that old friend who drinks too much and doesn’t really bring anything new to the table, but you’ve known them forever, so you still enjoy catching up. It’s just easy, you know?
Harry Styles FINE LINE Label Columbia Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating Just what is pop? I don’t know anymore. These days, pop stars are rock stars and Phil Jamieson is singing with Casey Donovan. Fine Line sounds pretty poppy, but if it was released by a young unknown and picked up by Triple J, I suspect it might be touted as the next big thing. But it’s not, it’s Harry Styles, and the only thing bigger than him is Jason Derulo’s… ahem. What is clear is that he has a strange obsession with the plus rouge fruits: strawberries, cherries, etc. I don’t know what this stems from, but I’d like to find out.
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ACROSS 1. City in USA where Rocky film is set (12) 7. Aussie calling (2) 8. Windows 2001 operating system (1,1) 9. Figured out, ... on (8) 11. Science fiction author, ... Asimov (5) 12. Hole in belt (5) 13. Pull firmly (3) 15. Burst sound (3) 16. Small dark green flower bud (5) 17. ... Baron Cohen (5) 18. Enter without permission (8) 19. Type of music album (1,1) 21. Not you (2) 22. Johnny Depp’s weird barber character, Edward ... (12)
DOWN 1. Expresses opinions in a pompous way (12) 2. Casual greeting (2) 3. Attentionseeking outburst (5) 4. Inserting an inner layer of material (6) 5. 9 in Roman Numerals (1,1) 6. Archaic term for pharmacists (12) 9. Crazy man (8) 10. Diminishes the worth of something (8) 13. Opposite of from (2) 14. Opposite of down (2) 15. Devotes effort to making oneself look attractive (6) 17. Hide away (5) 20. Not Mac (1,1) 21. Doctor of Medicine (1,1)
Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Eddie Olah 1. Where in Australia is the Big Banana? 2. In which Australian city were Powderfinger formed? 3. Which Australian company makes Wagon Wheels and Monte Carlos? 4. In which Australian city did
the musician Paul Kelly grow up in? 5. Where is the oldest existing golf course in the southern hemisphere? 6. In which city was Errol Flynn born? 7. In which city was Gina
Rhinehart born? 8. In which city were David Gulpilil and Ben Barba born? 9. Which is the least populated Australian state or territory? 10. Which Australian state’s official bird is the Helmeted Honeyeater?
Climate refugees. February 2020 The Beast 65
Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Hold a friend’s penis in the palm of your hand and tell them, in their moment of vulnerability, just how much you love them.
Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 You’ll blame Scott Morrison for everything bad that happens to you this month, which is fair enough because it’s all his fault.
Taurus Apr 21-May 21 You dress about ten years too young for your age. Get some long-overdue fashion advice and start wearing appropriate attire.
Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Get your toothbrush and scrub the fur off that filthy tongue of yours. If you don’t sort it out soon you’ll end up totally isolated.
Visions Beardy from Hell
Gemini May 22-Jun 21 You’ve achieved sweet f*ck all in the last couple of months, it’s about time you got organised and did something productive.
Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Slow down a little. You can fast forward your way through life but you won’t be able to press rewind when you get to the end.
Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Book yourself in for a colonoscopy. It’ll be worth it just for the chat with the specialist, they’re great for a yarn those blokes.
Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Sail through life without a worry in the world, knowing full well that your loved ones will continue to bail you out of trouble.
Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 By the time you realise that you should have left Sydney ages ago, it will be too late to leave. Anyway, where would you go?
Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Stop being such an impatient prick. Just because everyone around you is so bloody slow it doesn’t justify your carry-on.
Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Stop giving people unsolicited advice. Having someone’s best interests at heart isn’t enough to justify your poor judgment.
Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 As neurotic and annoying your friends may be, you should be nice to them because they’re the only ones who’ll have you.
Star Signs
Trivial Trivia Solutions
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1. Coffs Harbour, NSW 2. Brisbane 3. Arnott’s 4. Adelaide 5. Tasmania (Ratho Golf Links) 6. Hobart, Tasmania 7. Perth, Western Australia 8. Darwin, Northern Territory 9. Northern Territory 10. Victoria 1
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292 Campbell Parade, North Bondi info@sagebeauty.com.au www.sagebeauty.com.au
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