The Beast - February 2024

BEAST The

February 2024

Experience the

magic

behind the scenes of the Sydney Cricket Ground or the new world-class Allianz stadium

Sydney Cricket Ground & Allianz Stadium Guided Walking Tours Enjoy an unforgettable behind the scenes guided walking tour of the SCG or be one of the first to explore the outstanding Allianz Stadium, in one of the most iconic sporting precincts in the world.

Bookings are essential

Book now

tours@scgt.nsw.gov.au | 02 9380 0377 | www.scgtour.com.au | www.allianzstadiumtours.com.au

WHAT’S ON Mon 5-7pm

Wed from 5pM

KIDS EAT FREE

$17 PARMI

*

1 KIDS MEAL WITH EVERY MAIN MEAL PURCHASED

CHICKEN OR EGGPLANT PARMI

Tues from 5pm

Thur from 5pm

*

$16 SCHNITTY

$16 BURGERS CLOEY BEEF BURGER OR THE MUSHROOM BURGER (V) WITH FRIES

WITH SLAW & FRIES

Mon-Fri HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM

$16 LUNCHES 12-3PM SEE WEBSITE FOR LUNCH SPECIAL MENU

WWW.CLOVELLYHOTEL.COM.AU NOT AVAILABLE ON PUBLIC HOLIDAYS OR SPECIAL EVENTS

Island benchtop by Concreative.

Brett Boardman Photography.

Imagine. Design. Pour.

What can’t you do with Ablestone Designer Concrete? The possibilities are endless for this beautiful, versatile, and natural material.

Curve it, mould it, style it to your taste, and make a lasting impression with your benchtop, cabinets, tables, outdoor furniture, or everyday applications - flooring and paving. Prefabricate or pour on site.

Choose a mix design such as our ‘Paddington Mix’ for the curved island featured or create your own.

FOR MORE INFORMATION Phone 02 9318 1722 or visit metromix.com.au/able-concrete/

Welcome Note

Summer Lovin' Words James Hutton - Publisher Welcome to the February 2024 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s talented beaches of the east.

This month’s cover illustration of Waverley Lifeguard Anthony Carroll with his family at Bondi comes courtesy of Bondi illustrator Carla Hoffenberg. Carla mostly works on children’s books, but she also does some private commissions (give her a yell if you’d like to be immortalised in a custom artwork). You can see more of Carla’s illustrations on Instagram, @carlahoffenbergdraws, and at www.carlahoffenberg.com.

Thanks again to all of the talented local youngsters who entered The Beast Young Writers Competition. The competition was very close in both

categories, and the results are finally in. Thanks to celebrity judges Marjorie O’Neill, Paula Masselos, Allegra Spender and Mr Compton. All of the judges chose different pieces as their favourite entries, so I had to throw to mum for the final results, which are as follows...

The Beast Young Writers Competition - Poetry First Xavier Wright Second Alex Avdalis Third Annabel Moody The Beast Young Writers Competition - Short Story First Isabelle Kidd Second Ebony Ryan Third Isabel Nystrom Congratulations to the winners! I’ll be in touch shortly to organise your cash prizes, and I’ll publish your winning poems and short stories in the coming editions of The Beast. I’ll also

6 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

publish a few more of the submissions that just missed out on the prize money.

I hope everyone has had an awesome summer so far. We are all so lucky to live in this beautiful, safe place; even more so when you read the news and see all the horrible things going on around the world. Don’t ever take it for granted.

Cheers, James

The Beast

The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 58,000 in mailboxes and 2,000 in shops.

Launch into summer with Waverley Park Playground

CONTENTS February 2024 Issue 229 06 Welcome Note 08 Contents 10 Pearls of Wisdom 12 Monthly Mailbag 22 Local Artist 24 Local News 30 Crime News

32 Local Photos 34 Kieran's Satire 36 Unreliable Guide 38 Headnoise 40 Marj's Musings 42 Fishing Report 43 Tide Chart

Tent City, by Wil Larcombe @willarcombe.

44 Dana's Recipe 46 Album Reviews 47 Book Reviews 48 Brainteasers 49 Classifieds 50 Beardy from Hell 50 Trivia Solutions

All 482 visas may now apply for PR, including cooks, café managers, hairdressers, marketing staff, etc.

The qualifying period has also been reduced to two years Please call Brendan to discuss further

Brendan Muldoon Reg. Migration Agent # 0742052 39 Gould Street, Bondi Beach Phone: 0404 552 322 brendan@bondimigration.com.au www.bondimigration.com.au

Urgent On-The-Day Care Available!

At Bronte Medical Centre, schedule immediate, expert attention with same-day appointments. Whether it’s a sudden sickness or an unforeseen injury, our dedicated team is ready to address your health needs promptly. Call us or visit our centre to prioritize your and your family’s well-being today!

Call us: 02 9389 4422 Book online: brontemedical.com Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 9

Pearls of Wisdom

Kristin's worth it.

Look After the Pence and the Pounds Will Look After Themselves Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Chris Jordan The New Year has been ushered in, but the tough times continue to plague the residents of the Eastern Suburbs. Interest rates have rendered the $2 million mortgage almost unserviceable, there’s the private school fees and fuel costs for the SUVs to contend with (one SUV per household is never enough) and the airfares for the mandatory international trips are obscene. And, with the impact of supermarket price gouging, is it any wonder that one finds themselves having to choose between eating and renewing the Yogalates membership?

Despite these financial burdens, Pearl implores her female readers not to neglect their selflove and instead keep spending their hard-earned dollars on the beauty and wellness industry.

It is tempting, gals, to use the New Year as an excuse to audit one’s spending habits, minimise one’s lifestyle and set financial goals. The opportunity cost of spending $450 per milligram on lip filler is the $450 per milligram that could be invested in your superannuation account, but before you surrender to the temptation of thrift, please consider the industry you would be letting down - the industry that feeds on your insecurities, the industry that you have been propping up for the last ten years because you were told you were ‘worth it’.

Every time a woman eschews the magnetic pull of the beauty and wellness industry they are not only doing a disservice to themselves but to the industry itself. During 2023, had the

10 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

women of the Eastern Suburbs prioritised their personal dignity and Instagramability by maxing out their credit cards on ridiculously expensive eyebrow curation, they would be well on the way to saving the business and opulent lifestyle of Double Bay identity and celebrity eyebrow queen Kristin Fisher, who is in the unfortunate position of owing $900,000 to creditors after having Kristin Fisher Eyebrows (KFE) placed under administration and her reputation besmirched by a “misogynist” media that has placed a target on Ms Fisher’s back for having large breasts, a pretty face and an annulled cocaine charge, as well as threatening (on social media) to flout the COVID lockdown laws because she could barely afford to put truffled spaghetti on the table.

It does seem ironic that the “misogynist” media criticised

by Ms Fisher is the same media that is responsible for bullying women into spending their money on beauty treatments.

Just as it is not fair that pretty women with large breasts are singled out by the media, neither is it fair that women are expected to uphold a standard of media that is enabled by influencers such as the owner of KFE. Now don’t get me wrong darlings, Pearl does appreciate a good set of eyebrows, but had Ms Fisher ditched the designer clothing, cosmetic enhancements, private school fees and restaurants, and instead looked more closely at her business model, perhaps she would not be in such a financial pickle. If only she had taken accountability and ditched the truffled spaghetti, then she too could have become a social X-ray (like her heiress clients) without having to resort to blow and saved her business from imminent disaster.

Monthly Mailbag

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Good People of the Eastern Beaches Look For the Golden Arches After a nice warm day, I can almost guarantee you that the state of one particular spot of Coogee Beach will be an absolute disgrace. Caked in rubbish, it always seems to be the same culprits, and very little seems to be getting done about the behaviour.

Rubbish bins are overflowing, and the disincentive seems to be non-existent. ‘Litter and drink alcohol freely, we won’t bother you.’ Per my last freedom of information request (dated January 2023), a total of one littering fine had been issued in Coogee in the prior twelve-month period (compared to 1,833 parking fines).

I would love to know what is being done to try and educate those responsible, although I do worry that about society more generally if this sort of education is needed.

A huge shout-out to those I often see voluntarily picking up the rubbish regularly. And, a Christmas request to the council - can we spare a parking attendant or two and allocate them to beach cleanliness? I am sure we’d all appreciate it.

Kind regards, Laurence Poulter Coogee Queens Park Weeds and Rubbish Dear Beast - living close to the eastern end of the park, we have noticed that it is in danger of being smothered by weeds,

ranging from camphor laurel and hackleberry trees to blackberries and Madeira vine.

At last count, more than 20 invasive species are growing there. The weeds also cover up hideouts for teenage parties, and we have lost count of the bags of rubbish we have removed.

The beautiful sandstone cliff is disappearing and the grassy hillside is covered in morning glory. Unfortunately, the warming climate and lack of funding to Centennial Parklands means our lovely park is in danger of irreversible damage.

Our New Year’s dream is to see exotic vegetation removed and replaced with local provenance Eastern Suburbs banksia scrub plantings to help bring back small birds and lizards.

Jill & Mike Queens Park Council Works We have been informed by Randwick Council that the construction of the so-called ‘pocket park’ on Clovelly Road and Carrington Road will begin in early January and is expected to be completed by June (six months). Having been less than impressed by the need for this work I am at a loss as to why this small project should take such a long time. I would be very interested to know, as a ratepayer, the planned cost of this venture.

Looking through the council’s last report I note the council

12 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

uses lots of percentages to justify projects and support but very few figures.

As with the current debate on the Environmental Extra Levy, this has been proposed during a major holiday period (as was the previous five-year levy) and no doubt we will be told that a majority have supported this proposal.

As there are 160,000 people in Randwick, I would like to know how many have actually agreed to the proposal. I believe the response to the previous levy was less than 5,000. If so, that hardly constitutes overwhelming support.

The current council seems to believe that keeping to a budget is unimportant as the good citizens of Randwick will make up any shortfall as long as the projects are prefixed with ‘Environmental’, ‘Green’ or ‘Safety’.

Perhaps Randwick Council should try to live within the ratepayers’ financial constraints rather than using them as an endless piggy bank.

Steve Coogee Two-Dimensional Trivia I know this is stupidly picky, but then again trivia nuts usually are. Technically, the approximate shape of wombat scat is cubic, as square is a two-dimensional shape (which would mean a poo of no volume), so the wombat may end up like Mr Creosote in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.

Cheers, Simon North Bondi Andrew Goldfinch Is Wrong About Beach Train Dear James - Andrew Goldfinch repeats a very tired but untrue story about the demise of the Bondi Beach rail plan in 1999 (Housing Crisis, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2024).

The usual claim is that jealous locals didn’t want Westies -

We are so proud of the Class of 2023’s stellar HSC accomplishments. We ranked 21st in the state, with a top ATAR of 99.9, nine All Rounders, nine Top Achievers and 18 exhibition nominations.

Key events in Term 1: • • • • •

School returns: 30 January Welcome Cocktail Party: 9 February 10 Years Reunion: 24 February Open Morning: 6 March International Women’s Day Lunch: 8 March

To contact the school or join our communications list, please email stcaths@stcaths.nsw.edu.au or call 02 8305 6200.

Our Community Consultative Committee (CCC) is looking for new members.

If you are interested in joining our CCC, which typically meets four times per year, please contact our Independent Chair, Ms. Roberta Ryan at roberta@forward-thinking.net.au.

An Anglican day and boarding school for girls | Kindergarten to Year 12 | Founded in 1856

Monthly Mailbag false. He’s now pointing the blame at Labor and the Greens - just as false. As if the beach community stood any chance against the political and financial weight of the LendleaseMacquarie Bank honchos.

What killed the idea was the financial collapse of the private airport line with its excessive station access fees and construction cost blow-outs.

Using the Bondi Beach station was proposed to cost $2.50 per trip on top of the regular fare, or $5 for the daily commute, more than doubling the cost for public transport users. And the bus services were to be slashed to ensure the consortium’s profits.

The station was to be located in or under the park opposite the Astra and there was supposed to be some sort of bus interchange there as well. Minimal convenience and maximum confusion, plus losing a big slice of Bondi Park.

Not even the promise of financial support from the new Federal Liberal Government was enough to make the plan look like anything other than a way to blow billions of dollars of investor funds.

Extending the rail to UNSW and Kingsford, as originally planned in the 1970s, would have actually solved transport problems, not created new ones.

The rest of his letter on the housing crisis is just as ill informed.

Yours, Chris Maltby Bondi Beach E-Bike Eyesores Dear Beast - Is it just me, or has the e-bike situation down at Coogee gotten a little out of hand? Every time I am down there the boulevard is littered with e-bikes, usually in the way of people walking, running and enjoying the natural beauty of the bay.

I can’t understand why Randwick Council allows overseas corporations to advertise their companies in the form of e-bikes, which don’t really get used and end up left in precarious positions in the locals’ and visitors’ way.

I was down in Coogee this morning and counted 16 e-bikes, and witnessed one being used. Half of the e-bikes were left on the main thoroughfare of the boulevard and a number of them were tipped over or covered with graffiti.

In my opinion Coogee would be better off without them.

Tim Randwick Motorcycle Management Hi - I live in Coogee and have done on and off since 1992 after arriving from the UK. I am responding to the letter from ‘Andrew, Bondi’ in your most recent edition regarding noisy motorcycles (Noisy Motorcycles, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2024). I ride motorcycles and have no inclination to draw attention to myself with a noisy exhaust as I respect others’ peace and quiet.

I have to agree with Andrew’s comment regarding noisy Harleys and their mufflers, i.e. the problem is they remove the mufflers/silencers, which is a breach of law.

Andrew mentioned the police pay lip service to him, “If we give them a defect notice, they fix it then take the muffler off the next day.” The police should be defecting them and then making them report to the NSW Environment Protection Authority (EPA), as all noisy vehicles can be reported to them where they get tested for noise, etc.

If the riders refit their noisy muffler and get reported or defected again they should be immediately removed from the road due to past reports (are these recorded as offences?).

14 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

In Coogee it has been getting steadily worse over the years, probably because nothing is done about it. And it’s not only motorcycles (predominantly Harleys). It is also ‘crackle bang’ exhausts on cars, which have been illegally modified and tuned against EPA rules, as well as the weekend Mid-Western morons that drive in and roar around in V8s and other penile replacement machines.

Australia has a noise limit of 90 decibels for cars and 94 decibels (I think) for motorcycles well above the European level of 72 decibels, which is a massive difference - yet people seem to want to exceed these laws.

I would like to ask when Australia is going to get into the 20th century with noise laws, responsible testing and enforceable compliance in registration stations, who pass these machines at inspection time.

When are the police going to get off their bums and, while issuing petty fines, start doing some real work in the community, as in effect they work for the community.

Loud pipes do not save lives; positioning and reading traffic does. I have ridden in 20 countries and lived in three countries in Europe, all of which seem to stop idiots with modified or ‘straight through’ exhausts.

Regards, Simon McHugh Coogee OMG Explosive Exhausts To reiterate the comments by Andrew (Noisy Motorcycles, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2024), the reported comments by police that the owners of Harley motorbikes shrug off receiving defect notices for breaking noise pollution laws immediately after they receive them is perhaps only part of the story. Do the police even notice those loud and fast ‘muscle machines’ like Harleys

www.willsproperty.com.au Wills Property would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Thankyou for a great 2023.

We look forward to assisting you with your property requirements in 2024.

Kind regards,

John Wills

Wills Property willsproperty.com.au 02 9387 1700

We are proud to provide the community with outstanding care and customer service for all your eyecare needs.

Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 15

Monthly Mailbag and the increasingly fashionable explosive car exhausts?

I suspect they are themselves caught up in the same glamour of power, speed and shiny chrome.

The problem would be quickly solved if on-the-spot fines were issued and the bike (or car) impounded if the fine cannot be paid there and then. This would have the added benefit of curtailing the illegal activities of the so-called Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs (OMG).

It has long been claimed that to overlook antisocial activities early on can become a gateway to illegal activities later. If the future OMG member lost his bike because he continued to break noise laws, the illicit glamour of being a rebel (without a cause) would evaporate if compelled to get around on an electric scooter.

Simon Bartlett Coogee The Tragedy of Burrows A year ago, community opposition to a proposed redevelopment assessment of Burrows Park saw Randwick Council do away with the idea.

However, this week, after questionable recent ‘survey’ results, Randwick Council approved a motion to spend ratepayers’ money on this assessment.

With many other concerned residents, I attended the Council meeting, and it was clear from some councillors’ questions that they had still not visited the site!

Burrows Park is one of the last headland parks in Sydney that sits within, and blends seamlessly with, the natural landscape and flora of its surrounds. Its sweeping, uncompromised ocean views are enjoyed by many hundreds of people on a daily basis.

It does not take a consultant to know that substantially increasing the length and width

of the playing field to an international-standard rugby league pitch will require destruction of native flora and habitat, major earth moving, construction of retaining walls, the addition of permanent pedestrian barriers and safety fences, and will forever mar this place of natural beauty.

All for a comparatively small group of rugby league players.

Objection to this proposal is not NIMBYism, because this is a magnificent ‘backyard’ for all Sydneysiders and tourists to enjoy.

So, the question must be asked; why is our council spending so much valuable time and ratepayers’ money on assessing something for such a select group?

Hugh Clovelly Hydrofoil Harassment Dear Beast - I’m a huge supporter of the magazine, and it always brightens my day when the latest issue arrives in my letterbox - well done!

I write to you today with growing concern over a disconcerting trend that seems to be developing on Bondi Beach; surf-hydrofoil riders.

As is my want, I’ll often be found enjoying an evening at the beach after a hard day’s work, indulging in a sunset swim or surf in our beloved waters. Of late however, I’ve been rather concerned to see the ever-increasing numbers of these enthusiasts that seem to assume that swimmers and other surfers are an enjoyable obstacle to bounce around rather than another person who is equally entitled to enjoy the waters - and can do so safely and without upsetting anyone else.

We’ve all seen what happens with fin chops and bumps on the head from a surf board. I myself have had my fair share.

Now imagine what will happen

16 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

when a blade several times sharper and heavier crashes into a fellow water user - at the very least a broken bone. I dread to think of a worst-case scenario.

I feel guilty complaining about this. Everyone should be able to enjoy the beach, but they should do so without putting other people at risk! I can’t be the only one who can see a trip to hospital waiting to happen. By all means let these guys head out to Ben Buckler when conditions allow and have a go at it - almost no-one swims out there when there is a wave - but bouncing your way in and out of groups of swimmers and surfers on a crowded beach within spitting distance of the shore is utterly moronic, selfish and downright inconsiderate.

I’m aware that Waverley Council has banned hydrofoiling already - why on earth isn’t it being enforced?

Best Regards, Charlie W North Bondi Rock On, Randwick Dear James - Congratulations on another year of doing what you do so well; capturing - in such a variety of ways - the diversity of lives in the ’burbs of Sydney’s east coast. And especially in The Beast’s fabulous forum of civilised debate, its Monthly Mailbag.

One topic that’s stirred up a lot of the readers is the planned amalgamation of the two Randwick high schools into one co-ed campus, about which there are many passionate for and against views. I consulted my 16-year-old granddaughter about this, as someone who is attending Rose Bay’s co-ed college and who is happy about that. She does, however, think that people should be offered a choice, and pointed out that there are a number of all-girls private schools. I pointed out that not everybody can afford

OPEN DAYS Friday 23 February 9.30am-10.30am Monday 26 February 4.00pm-5.00pm Friday 8 March 9.30am-10.30am Thursday 16 May 9.30am-10.30am Holy Cross Catholic Primary School 81 Edgecliff Road, Woollahra Telephone (02) 9369 3233 hcpswoollahra.syd.catholic.edu.au

Monthly Mailbag that sort of choice. There is also the evidence-based matter of girls having been found to perform better in all-girls schools.

At the same time, and having a bit each way anecdotally, our three daughters all went to the same Brisbane co-ed high school and have all grown up to be university graduates who have achieved well in careers chosen to make the world a better place. I myself went to a co-ed country high school for the first two years of high school (and certainly in the country a single co-ed regional high school is often all that’s on offer), and then for three years to an all-girls high school when we moved to Sydney. And I have to agree with one of your letter writers, that being in the co-ed school provided a much more normalised relationship among all the students, and is more reflective of the world to come, while my three years in Sydney did turn the opposite sex into something of an alien species, until university, where co-ed rules. So, preparing for any higher education - and the real world generally - does make some sense.

Going back to the general point of Monthly Mailbag debates, I do want to give my strong (and unequivocal) support for Randwick’s environmental levy, with which Council does an important range of sustainable and recycling activities (with FOGO an absolute star), and which isn’t a new levy, but a small one that we’ve been paying for some time, and are now being consulted about as to whether we want it - and the work that it accomplishes continued. When I tell people in other councils what Randwick is doing in this regard, they are extremely impressed with what a progressive council we have.

So, “Rock on, Randwick,” I say.

Yours sincerely, Anne Ring Coogee

The True Motive for Opposing the Merger I read in The Beast today the 2023 Randwick Boys High School Captain’s letter about the proposed school merger (The Merge, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2024). I am a parent of a student at Randwick Girls’ and know nothing about Richard’s accusations, and I would be disappointed to hear that people who are fighting to retain Randwick Girls’ High School were badmouthing Randwick Boys’. I have not heard any of these comments used as an argument for not supporting the merger.

But it’s true, as a community, the parents and students of Randwick Girls’ High School overwhelmingly do not support the merger of the two schools.

The reason is not because we have a selfish and archaic agenda, but simply because we value what a single-sex education offers young women.

Our real motive has got nothing to do with rejecting young men, or making them feel lesser; it’s about our young women. It’s about continuing to provide opportunities for young women to learn in an environment that is just about them so that they grow in confidence, independence and self-reliance.

Obviously, this is a preference of many families in the Eastern Suburbs who choose to send their daughters to one of the many (seven) private or Catholic Girls Schools in the area. As far as I know, none of these schools are proposing to merge with private single-sex boys schools. The reason being that they value single-sex education for young women. They see the benefits that this offers young women, especially in terms of their self-esteem and life opportunities.

However, not every family can afford private school fees.

Randwick Girls’ High School offers an affordable option for

18 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

families whose daughters would prefer, or feel more comfortable in, a single-sex learning environment, and who also want to support the public education system.

Our daughter wanted to go to a school where the focus was only about her as a young woman, and her dreams and aspirations. Randwick Girls’ High School suited her perfectly, and she has had an amazing experience at the school. If we had our time to choose a secondary setting for our daughter again, and there was a new co-ed option in Randwick, we would still have chosen Randwick Girls.

It’s been that good.

My understanding was that one of the options put forward for consideration was to turn Randwick Boys’ High School into a co-ed school, and to keep Randwick Girls’ as the (only) single-sex public school option for young women in the Eastern Suburbs. This would have kept the range of (public) secondary educational choices available for local families with daughters, at the same time as increasing co-ed options for families who preferred this option. Under this option the Randwick Girls’ High School community would have supported Randwick Boys’ achieving their preference as a school community.

Rather than bad mouthing Randwick Girls’ High School as being selfish and archaic for wanting to save the school, it would be far more respectful if people supported local families having the choice to determine which secondary option suited their daughters best.

Joe Randwick Brevity is the Key Back in 2017 I wrote a letter to you titled ‘Long Letters Suck’, basically advising people to try and keep things brief in letters to the editor, otherwise you will

“James and his team know their market and made selling my property feel easy” - Seller, Watson Street, Bondi

The James Ledgerwood Team Ben Fraser

Sales Agent 0452 630 236

James Ledgerwood Sales Agent 0417 927 517

Alina Setter

Executive Assistant

Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 19

Monthly Mailbag send readers off into the land of nod or boredom.

I noticed in the December 2023 edition of The Beast Mr James paid scant heed to my message (Randwick High Schools Merger Will Erode Choice, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2023). Boy was his letter looong. When reading it one night on the lounge I fell asleep. So, please keep in mind, it does have positive medical purposes, i.e. no sleeping drugs required when you start to read it.

Also, the way he signed off - brevity, I believe, is the key - I found to be a bit of a wank, especially mentioning he was head teacher, twice, and the rest of it.

I was going to comment on the content, but I believe you will get many replies regarding the topic. One thing though, I gather he is around 70 years old - quite a while since he was at school as a student. Things have changed since then.

Mark S. Coogee Letter to Ampol I have just sent a letter of complaint off to our local petrol station, the Ampol (formerly Caltex) located on the corner of Old South Head Road and Curlewis Street in Rose Bay/ Bondi.

It used to be stocked with a small range of fairly decent grocery items by Woolworths Metro, until they ended their arrangement and now are supplied by Foodary.

Suddenly they had no eggs an odd omission, I thought. It’s been weeks now since I’ve been able to buy eggs there. I think that’s bizarre.

Prior to Metro, when it was a Caltex station, they sold the basic supplies; milk, bread, eggs, batteries, newspapers, etc. The usual items for a convenience store. I just think the irony of calling a business Foodary,

which doesn’t provide actual food, other than the junk kind, is rich.

Any lousy corner store, 7-Eleven or convenience store has eggs, for goodness sake.

I’m not planning on doing my weekly grocery shopping there, but for 17 years now it did the community the courtesy of supplying emergency items for our convenience. Thanks for nothing, Ampol and Foodary.

Tina H Bondi Wichet Angkhawute Dear James - Thank you for covering the sad news of Wichet Angkhawute’s passing. I was a student when the family opened Pinto Thong and watching the business and the family thrive really has been a source of constant joy and been fundamental to creating a strong sense of neighbourhood for me.

Stopping in to gather a meal from them on my way home has been a great comfort on many a long day. They are the loveliest people, and their welcome, their nourishment and their hard work has contributed so much to my own sense of belonging here in Clovelly.

I am so very grateful to them and I am desolate to hear of Wichet’s passing. He will be missed but remembered fondly always. And thank you for publishing a photograph - I would have been even sadder to have never seen his smile again.

Dr. Shilo T. McClean Coogee Waverley Bowlo Review By a Narc Sam (Waverley Bowlo Blues, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2023), mate, I obviously wrote about my fears regarding the new Waverley Bowlo before it opened, perhaps in the naive hope that they wouldn’t eventuate (Waverley Bowlo, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, November 2023).

20 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

I now see they have installed real bowling green alongside the synthetic.

I have visited the club and unfortunately the joy of sitting outside in the sun and enjoying a beer has been taken away.

Outside options include sitting in a dingy dark area next to Birrell Street with vapers and smokers.

There’s a rules list almost as long as Sam’s reply when heading out on the green and, yes, it’s your usual gentrified club. Perhaps ‘soulless’ was too harsh. The food is good. Overall I give it a 2 out of 5.

Anthony Bondi Re: Racism Dear The Beast - I read with sadness the letter from ‘Tired, Bellevue Hill’, regarding experiences of casual racism (Racism, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, January 2024). I can relate to this experience as an Asian Australian myself.

Having lived in the Eastern Suburbs my entire life, I’ve endured decades of casual racism and occasionally verbal abuse and physical threats (especially during the first few months of the COVID pandemic). I can’t say that Australian society has made a huge amount of progress over the past 40 years - Asian Australians remain almost absent from the country’s public institutions, politics and the media (including the pages of The Beast). If we continue being treated as invisible, even though more than one in six Australians are of Asian ancestry, we will continue being regarded as ‘others’.

Simon Randwick Too Many Narcs Dear Editor - What’s with all the narcs around here lately?! A bunch of people go to the beach to celebrate Christmas Day and all these numpties are carrying

Monthly Mailbag on like the place has been invaded by a foreign army.

No one drowned, no one got hurt, no one was violent... just a bunch of people enjoying themselves in a public place, as they are entitled to do so.

Stop your whinging, stop blaming the council, stop being such miserable twats!

Maude Bronte Australia Day James - Australia Day is a celebration of the great achievements and prosperity that has come to this country since the arrival of the first fleet.

Regrettably, in recent years the celebration has been marred by those who seek to conquer and divide us. All stories have two sides, there is little mention of the plight of those who are now being described as invaders.

In the 1700s Britain treated their poor and needy harshly. It was common to jail people for

the simplest of offenses such as stealing bread. Before the American War of Independence in 1776, to relieve the pressure on their penal system, the English shipped convicts to a reasonably civilized America to serve out their sentences.

This resulted in insanitary leaky old naval ships in estuaries all over England filled with their excess convicts. To solve the problem in 1787, without their permission or any concern for their human rights, they locked 700 of them in ships’ holds and transported them, on a one-way journey, to the other side of the world.

On arrival there was no water in Botany Bay and the climate was not suited to English farming - few had any knowledge of farming anyway. Then, conveniently, the Colonial Office forgot to send the promised back-up supplies, so they were left to starve. They, simply, were unable to phone home.

The second fleet, and many afterwards, were commercial endeavours resulting in a high loss of life, with the contractors profiting by the sale of unconsumed provisions, left by the dead, to those in the starving colony.

Like Anzac Day, we are good at dressing up our disasters.

I suggest that those who seek to deride our national day also give some thought for the dreadful treatment inflicted on these people and how we can compensate descendants for their ancestors’ hurt and suffering.

Regards, Andrew Goldfinch Bondi Junction ¢ Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and suburb. We try and publish as many of them as possible, but nothing too crazy please.

Come along to your local Resident Precinct Meeting Precincts are meetings of residents who get together regularly to discuss local matters or issues of concern in their neighbourhood. Waverley is split into 13 Precincts and meetings are open to any person living within the Precinct boundaries.

This February, the following meetings are on: Bondi Heights – Monday 5 February, 7 – 9pm Bondi Beach – Monday 5 February, 7 – 9pm Charing Cross – Wednesday 7 February, 7 – 9pm Bronte – Monday 12 February, 7 – 9pm Dover Heights – Monday 19 February, 7 – 9pm South Bondi / Tamarama – Wednesday 21 February, 7 – 9pm Bondi – Wednesday 21 February, 7 – 9pm Bronte Beach – Wednesday 21 February, 7.30 – 9.30pm Rose Bay – Monday 26 February, 7 – 9pm Queens Park – Wednesday 28 February , 7 – 9pm North Bondi – Wednesday 28 February , 7 – 9pm Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/precinct to find out location of the above meetings closer to the date.

Not sure which Precinct you belong to?

Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/findyourprecinct Waverley Council proudly supports resident run Precinct meetings.

Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 21

Local Artist What's your favourite eatery?

Tough call! I can’t just name one, but these are some of my favourites in Bondi Beach - I love Gertrude & Alice, Speedos, North Bondi Fish, Glory Days, Bills and Chloe’s.

Where do you like to have a drink? Ravesis - I love sitting on the balcony with a view of the beach.

Connecting with young readers.

Local Artist...

Carla Hoffenberg from Bondi Interview James Hutton Photo Justine Perl Local artist Carla Hoffenberg is the talent behind this month’s cover illustration of Lifeguard Anthony Carroll with his family at Bondi. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

I’ve lived in the Eastern Suburbs for a total of around fifteen years, with eight years spent living in New York and Las Vegas before returning to Sydney, six years ago.

Why do you live here? I adore it here. The people are incredibly friendly, the coffee is top-notch and I’m a huge fan of the outdoor lifestyle. The relaxed vibe of the city (well, compared to New York) is something that truly resonates with me. Plus, being close to the beach gives me a perpetual holiday-like feeling, and having my family and friends nearby is a huge win.

What's your favourite beach?

My absolute favourite is Bondi, particularly North Bondi. I have had countless memorable swims there, and I also enjoy exploring the North Bondi rocks with my kids and dog. I’ve also had the most incredible snorkelling experiences - it never fails to amaze me how much life exists just off the rocks.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The people, the beaches, the coffee (in that order).

How would you describe your art? My illustrations are bright and joyful. They tell stories and create meaningful moments. I hope that kids (and all readers) love the characters that I create.

What do you do for work? I’m an illustrator. I mostly work in children’s books, but I also do some private commissions.

What are you working on at the moment? I am excited t0 share that I am illustrating a delightful, super fun and thought-provoking children’s book, with EK Books, which will be out in 2025. I am also working on a few inspiring book projects.

Where can people see your work? You can see my work in children’s books. I have illustrated two - Mia’s Glamma and Little Shark Lulu is Sleeping - and they are both available online and at Harry Hartog. My work was also selected to be published in the Our Australian Heart anthology. All proceeds will be donated to the Indigenous Literary Foundation. You can also follow me on instagram, @carlahoffenbergdraws, or see more of my illustrations at www.carlahoffenberg.com.

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? When I was little, I would spend hours drawing and loved creating birthday cards. However, as an adult, I never thought of pursuing illustration as a career. It wasn’t until the first lockdown hit and I found myself searching for something

22 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

to do that I started sketching pictures of my kids. Little did I know that this simple act would lead me down the path of becoming a full-time illustrator.

Who are your artistic inspirations? I am inspired by Aaron Blabey, Heath McKenzie and Matt Cosgrove. Their work in the world of children’s books is remarkable.

Any other local artists to look out for? I’m so impressed with the photography of Anthony Glick and Eugene Tan. Receiving Aquabumps emails daily when I was living in New York made me feel connected to home, and I’m thrilled that I can now purchase Anthony’s images on products - I use my destination towel almost every day. I also have a deep appreciation for Beck Feiner’s Creations and am in love with her Aussie T-shirt range.

Did you study art? I studied art in high school. Although I haven’t been to formal art school and I am mainly self-taught, I have done plenty of courses through Make Art that Sells, Skillshare and The Illustration Department. I have also enrolled in some courses through the Waverley Woollahra Art School.

Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? Just keep creating, even if you’re unsure.

Your style and skills will improve through practise. Progress may not be visible right away, but trust that it’s happening.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I start my Saturday mornings with a run (shoutout to my awesome run club), followed by a coffee at Sonoma and then off to kids’ sport for the rest of the day. Saturday night is spent with friends, and Sundays are generally relaxing days at the beach with my family.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” - Oscar Wilde Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Slip-SlopSlap, and be kind.

FOOTBALL SCHOOL

FEBRUARY TRIALS REGISTER TODAY!

Years 5 & 7, 2025 Years 5 & 7, 2026 waverley.nsw.edu.au/mancity NB You do not have to be currently enrolled at Waverley College to apply

Local News

Council Keen On New York-style Communication Panels Words Anthony Maguire Photo Frank Sinatra

We really dig our local cemetery.

Cemetery Gardening Is Part of Council’s New Greening Strategy Words Anthony Maguire Photo Doug Ahole In the sprawling 50,000-grave Waverley Cemetery, a group of people are sinking shovels into a patch of burial plots. No, it’s not happening in the dead of night, and there’s nothing sinister about their digging; it’s a beautiful summer’s day and these are volunteer gardeners doing their bit for the greening of Waverley.

Cemetery gardening is one of the volunteer greening opportunities highlighted by Waverley Council in its Urban Greening and Cooling Strategy, tabled at a recent meeting of the Strategic Planning and Development Committee.

The document calls on Waverley’s 68,000 residents to do their bit, creating lush gardens on verges and rooftops and turning walls into vertical gardens. Additional resources will be earmarked to “support and promote volunteer greening opportunities such as Bushcare and Cemetery gardening.”

One of the green-fingered volunteers at Waverley Cemetery is Carrie Funeaux, an artist

living in Bronte. She has turned her late mother’s burial plot into a mini-oasis, lush with a mixture of native species like bottlebrush and non-natives such as lavender, salvia and geranium. Now the plants have spread to neighbouring graves that were previously neglected.

Ms Funeaux calls on other local residents to “adopt” neglected old burial plots.

“Not everybody has the time or opportunity to have a garden, but here you can have a tiny garden that can give immeasurable pleasure,” she said.

As well as Waverley Cemetery, there’s the smaller South Head Cemetery at the northern end of Waverley LGA, where there are 6,000 graves. Here, volunteer gardeners have also been transforming some previously bare burial plots.

For more information about volunteering your green-fingered skills for gardening in cemeteries, on verges and in other public spaces, please email publicgardening@ waverley.nsw.gov.au.

24 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Waverley Council is embarking on a major change to the local urban landscape, with a bold vision to install footpath media screens in commercial zones such as Bondi Beach and parts of Bondi Junction.

The council calls them ‘communication panels’. They would stand 2.2 metres high and be based on technology introduced in numerous other places around the globe, and closer to home, the City of Sydney and other LGAs. A photo of a panel in New York City is included in a report tabled at a recent Council meeting. The New York installations are a lot taller than those planned by Waverley, but even at 2.2 metres, the visual impact of those in Waverley LGA will be substantial. This is why the council is planning to have “a reasonable distance between each installation” and avoid what it calls “clustering.”

In addition, they will be specifically banned from Heritage Conservation Areas where such electronic signage would be a jarring mismatch.

Start spreading the news.

Local News

Rox De Luca at work in her studio.

Beach Plastic Artist Among Latest Council-funded Residencies Words Anthony Maguire Photo Ruth Braunstein An artist who converts plastic washed up on Bondi Beach into jewellery is one of the local creative spirits being given space at Waverley Artist Studios.

Rox De Luca is among seven artists taking up residencies at the Bondi Road studios in March. She says her work highlights “the worrying proliferation of plastic pollution that our human species is generating on a global level.” One of her recent shows was held in Wagga Wagga in collaboration with three other artists and was called Plastic: Unwrapping the World.

Other recipients of the Waverley Council-funded residency scheme include Indigenous artists Carmen Glynn-Braun

and Dennis Golding, who together form the Re-Right Collective. Re-Right’s mission is to deliver a revisionist perspective on Australian history by “employing a sensitivity to the depiction and discussion of trauma embedded within the Australian colonial narrative.”

Also getting studio space is Nick Breedon, who works at the cusp of art and technology - his past works include a holographic rainbow and a pyrotechnic text installation called Let’s Get Metaphysical.

Another residency recipient, Akil Ahamat, produces video and sound works that show us the ‘New Dark Age’ he says has been brought about by information saturation.

26 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

As the Waverley artists take up their residencies, a photographer funded under Randwick City Council’s artist residency scheme is winding up an exhibition at Sydney’s Anzac Memorial. Jack McLain, a veteran of the Afghanistan conflict, has created black and white portraits of 51 Vietnam War veterans using a wet-plate technique and camera lenses dating back to the 1860s.

Photos were mainly taken in the garage of Mr McLain’s home in Randwick and the process required his subjects to stay still for up to 20 seconds while looking into the camera lens. Images were then printed onto sheets of metal - a technique dating back to the pioneering days of photography.

They are what he calls “one of a kind images,” with no negatives.

“I wanted the photos to be as unique as the individuals whose images I was capturing,” he said.

His aim was to “create a bridge between the past and present, thereby connecting veterans with contemporary Australian society.”

Called Stories of the Dat Do Dogs, his exhibition runs until February 1, then goes on tour to regional Australia. It commemorates the 50th anniversary of Australia’s withdrawal of forces from Vietnam.

Jack McLain's portrait of Vietnam War veteran Mick Walker.

Randwick Lic No. 321954C

REPAIRS & RE-ROOFING Tile and Metal Roofs Free Quotes Guaranteed Work Fully Insured CALL BORIS - 0410 49 59 60 theroofingprofessionalseastside.com.au

COLOUR DESIGN SERVICE Lic No. 208941C

NO JOB too BIG or too SMALL TIMBER DECKS

Timeframe Group specialises in:

• Interior, Exterior, Commercial, Strata & Residential Painting

• All Aspects of Outdoor

PENSION DISCOUNTS FREE QUOTES

Decking, Restorations & Maintenance • Heritage, Restorations & Decorative Finishes

Call Matt 0400 107 214

www.timeframegroup.com.au Mention this ad to receive a 10% discount on your quote.

Valid to 29 February 2024.

www.timeframegroup.com.au Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 27

Local News

Randwick City Council Rejects Backpacker Hostel Expansion Words Anthony Maguire Photo Sim Icosis

Lucky the sniffer dogs were on holiday.

Wee Problem at Infamous Bronte Backpackers Party Words Anthony Maguire Photo Vicky Pollard “Hire some portaloos!” That’s one piece of advice to Waverley Council from local businesses and lifesavers who were down at the beach for the now infamous Christmas Day Bronte backpackers party.

A lifesaver with Bronte Surf Life Saving Club told The Beast that there was a long queue for the female toilets throughout the day.

“The male toilets were much less in demand,” he said, “the blokes were just going behind the rocks or in the ocean.”

An estimated 10,000 people filled Bronte Park for what seems to have become an annual event. Calls of nature became so urgent that many were using the conveniences at the cafés on Bronte Road.

“They weren’t our customers, people were just walking in from the park,” said Ron

Moniruzzaman, owner of the Lazy Frog.

“On Boxing Day we had to hire an extra person to clean up our two toilets. It would be a good idea for the council to hire some portaloos next Christmas.”

Other suggestions from locals who spoke with The Beast included banning glass bottles and supplying more bins that could be emptied throughout the day.

Rostering additional professional lifeguards was suggested.

“We were very lucky that there wasn’t much swell that day and it was relatively safe,” Daniel, a local surfer, told The Beast.

“Seeing heaps of people having a good time down at the beach is fantastic, but if the rip was running it could have been a different story.”

28 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Coogee residents living near a backpacker hostel have breathed a collective sigh of relief after Randwick City Council rejected plans to expand the number of beds from 36 to 79 and construct an outdoor socialising area.

“Good news,” said John Hoy, who lives in a flat next door to the Coogee Beach House in Arden Street. He and other residents had feared excessive noise from an “outdoor communal area” that was to be a key part of the hostel makeover.

Meanwhile, Council’s waste disposal staff had been less than impressed by the plans because they estimated the expanded hostel would need two dozen garbage bins - more than they were comfortable about handling.

But the deciding factor in Council’s rejection of the application was an unacceptable Floor Space Ratio (FSR) created by proposed rear extensions to the property. A meeting of the Local Planning Panel ruled that these extensions would have to be scrapped for the development to become FSR compliant.

Coogee Beach House hostel will remain at 36 beds.

LET ROSES DO THE TALKING

ALL ASPECTS OF

TREE WORK  Fully qualified  Fully insured  Free quotes  Reliable service  Local business  Competitive pricing

Member of the NAAA

LUCYROSES.COM.AU

VALENTINE’S DAY

Pre-order special $20 OFF USE CODE: SAVE20 APPLIES TO ORDERS PLACED BY 31 JANUARY

EVERY GRAVE TELLS A STORY Get involved at Waverley Cemeteries

FIND OUT MORE Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 29

Crime News technical whiz-kid behind the murder, organising a tracking device and mobile phones used in the shooting. Six men have now been charged with the June 2023 murder.

Social media icon allegedly targeted by organised crime.

Crime News Words Jimmy Felon Photo Molly Tov Man Charged Over Friendlyjordies Firebombing Police have charged a man over the November 2022 arson attack on the Bondi home of YouTube political commentator Jordan Shanks, known online as Friendlyjordies.

Tufi Junior Tauese-Auelua, 37, appeared in Waverley Court charged with damaging property by fire. Police allege he is an associate of the Alameddine crime family.

Bondi Man Alleged to Be Player in Drug Syndicate A man from North Bondi is alleged to have been involved in a drug syndicate operating across the Sydney Metropolitan area.

The 49-year-old was arrested at his home and taken to Waverley Police Station where he was charged with a number of offences including supplying large commercial quantities of drugs and dealing with the proceeds of crime.

Arrests of Alleged Key Players in Moradian Murder Police have arrested the man they say pulled the trigger when gangster Alan Moradian died in a hail of bullets in the car park of his Bondi Junction apartment block.

This follows the arrest of another man said to have been the

Jockey Backed the Wrong Horse When She Tried to Re-enter Coogee Pavilion - Court Up-and-coming jockey Madeleine Owen is alleged to have tried to re-enter the Coogee Pavilion after being kicked out - then assaulted a man who confronted her.

Owen, who has ridden in more than 1,300 races and won 87 of them, appeared in Waverley Court charged with assault and attempting to enter premises after being excluded. The court heard the 22-year-old had earlier been kicked out of the Pavilion because she was intoxicated.

Maroubra Man Charged Over Stabbing A young Maroubra man is behind bars charged with causing grievous bodily harm after another man was stabbed in the chest and legs.

Joshua Tan, 23, is alleged to have attacked his victim at a home in Matraville. A 30-yearold man was rushed to St Vincent’s Hospital in a serious condition. Tan was later arrested at a home in Minneapolis Crescent, South Maroubra.

Syd Einfeld Drive Becomes Motorcycle Raceway A pair of motorcyclists were clocked at well over twice the legal speed limit on Syd Einfeld Drive, reports Eastern Suburbs Highway Patrol.

The bikes were going 176km/h in an 80km/h zone and appeared to be racing as they weaved in and out of traffic. The appearance of a Highway Patrol car, siren wailing and lights flashing, put an end to the race between the Yamaha MT-09 and Suzuki GSX-R750.

30 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

The incident has also put an end to the two male riders getting around by motorbike, at least for the time being. Both men had their licences suspended and plates confiscated. To make matters worse for one of them, he was an L-plater who had neglected to display his Ls. And, as a learner, he wasn’t legally allowed to ride a 750cc machine.

Buggy Theft Thieves broke into the storage bunker at the base of Bondi Beach lifeguard tower and made off with two buggies.

One was found bogged in soft sand but the other remains missing. And lifeguards, along with the broader community, are outraged at the theft.

“This is an emergency vehicle and we need it back!” lifeguards posted.

Porsche Driver Was 3.5 Times Legal Limit - Police Eastern Suburbs socialite Kate Balafas won’t be driving any time soon after allegedly blowing three and a half times the legal alcohol limit.

She is said to have returned the high reading when police stopped her Porsche 4WD on Denning Street in South Coogee.

The 43-year-old, aka Kate Klunder, is the estranged wife of disgraced Bondi doctor John Balafas, who has recently faced bigger legal woes - serious domestic violence-related offences which saw him spending a stint in jail.

Did this social butterfly drink a little too much nectar?

Is it time for a new Property Manager?

Is your property not getting the management service it deserves? We offer clients a transparent, accountable and customised service.

Dean Norburn Director 0409 118 841 dean@etpm.com.au

9197 0835

etpm.com.au

CARE IN YOUR HOME

HOWEVER & WHENEVER YOU NEED Serving the Eastern Suburbs community for over 100 years

Contact Paula on 02 9356 0305 or enquiries@slc.org.au Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 31

Subject Sandy Location Mackenzies Beach Photographer Sharon Stinker

Subject Focus Location Bondi Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter

Subject Letting it Beat Location Bondi Photographer Barefoot & Loaded

Subject Baked Wedding Cake Location Coogee Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Bonnies Location Clovelly Photographer Stiffy McPherson

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos...

Subject Ice Cream Dreams Location North Bondi Photographer Wil Larcombe @willarcombe

Subject Happy as a Fish in Water Location Bondi Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter

Subject Swampy Location South Coogee Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Grinder Location Bondi Photographer Doug Howard

Subject Ghostly Location Bondi Photographer Wil Larcombe @willarcombe

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Kieran's Satire I just pour in the diesel, Not like woke little weasels And I mow all our lawns In my thongs.

He gets ready for hours Donning boots, goggles, trousers While I sit on the deck In my thongs.

Got my afternoon sorted Kickin’ back with imported Like I did on our cruise To Ha Long.

I might turn on the cricket While he trims at the thicket And he better not leave it Too long.

Shoulda downsized.

Mowin’ the Lawn in My Thongs Words Kieran Blake - kieranblakewriter.org Photo Frank Dividends I’m mowin’ the lawn in my thongs.

What in the world could go wrong?

I’ve still got all my toes I’m ignoring my woes While I’m mowin’ the lawn in my thongs.

Never used suntan lotion Live just steps from the ocean In a house that I bought For a song.

Of my small strip of pasture I am King, Lord and Master And I reign over it In my thongs.

Set up camp In the Eighties Filled the house full of babies But they moved to the West Or the ‘Gong.

Yep, they call me a Boomer Got a ‘shack’ in Narooma Where I mow my huge lawn In my thongs.

Wearing singlet and stubbies, From the days we built cubbies And our dads mowed the lawn In their thongs.

From beneath Terry Towelling I can see the youth scowling While their own Aussie Dream Is foregone.

My millennial neighbour Said he’d do me a favour After seein’ me mow In my thongs.

He’ll cut grass and trim hedges Then I’ll settle the ledger, When I next mow the lawn in my thongs.

So, he runs an extension That’s as large as my pension Just to save all the birds And their songs.

His is modern and silent Mine is smelly and violent, but How dare you tell me That I’m wrong.

34 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

The Millenial’s savin’ for private schools I might put in a private pool, After mowin’ the lawn in my thongs.

Take a stroll to the beach, Which is so out of reach For those scared to mow In their thongs.

Picked our way through the throng And complained all day long That you can’t smack a kid With a thong.

When my house sells for millions Will I share with the children Or return with the missus To Ha Long?

So, I’m mowin’ the lawn in my thongs.

What in the world could go wrong?

I’ve still got all my toes I’m ignoring my woes While I’m mowin’ the lawn in my thongs.

If you’d like to see your poem in print, please send it to letters@thebeast.com.au.

The Unreliable Guide This family atmosphere is a rare thing in our isolating, commercialised world and I think it should be celebrated.

Coogee royalty.

The Unreliable Guide to...

La Dolce Vita Words Nat Shepherd Photo Giordano Viaro The Unreliable Guide loves Italian food. Seriously, what’s not to like about it? Apart from the obvious pizza, pasta and gelato that pleases every child from age 2 to 102, this fabulous cuisine has conquered the world.

In addition to the food itself, I think there is something magical about a good Italian restaurant. I’m not talking about the corporate chains that pretend to be Italian. I mean small, family run places all the locals know and love. If you’re a regular at one of our fabulous locals like Coogee’s La Spiaggia, Clovelly’s Pizzavelly or Bondi’s Gelbison, you should know exactly what I mean. If not, The Unreliable Guide is here to show you how the humble Italian restaurant can give us Aussies a taste of La Dolce Vita.

La Famiglia I got engaged in an Italian restaurant. We were in Gelbison’s and the staff - who we knew well when we lived in Bon-

di - were so happy for us they clapped and sang us a song.

The perfect Italian ristorante, trattoria and pizzeria feels like visiting family (in a good way, not the weird aunt who gives you stale biscuits and cold tea).

In every city I’ve ever lived, I’ve found a good local Italian restaurant and I’ve made it my home away from home. Try it!

Look out for warm welcoming décor and warm welcoming staff. Be friendly, go often, and remember to tip. When you make it to the status of a regular, you’ll be greeted like family and they’ll always find a little space for you - even when they’re packed. When the chef cooks up something special, you’ll be given some to try. If you catch a fish, they’ll cook it for you and share it with you.

After the meal you’ll be offered a free glass of some wildly strong liqueur (like grappa or limoncello) as if you were an honoured guest rather than a customer.

36 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Food, Glorious Food But of course these restaurants can be as friendly as they like the food has to be good too. And it almost always is, because Italians are passionate about food.

They believe in quality seasonal ingredients cooked in tried and tested ways. Jamie Oliver learnt that the hard way when he tried to mess with some traditional recipes on a food tour of Italy.

The response from locals was a horrified “Macché!” (which loosely translates as “no bloody way”). Jamie Oliver was lucky that was all he got. On the Twitter feed ‘Italians Mad at Food’ where Italians humorously let rip at anyone they think is disrespecting their cuisine, one person declared that they “felt like punching” the celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay when “he bloody put oil in the water!!

YOU DON’T PUT OIL IN THE PASTA WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You idiot”.

Ramsay should’ve known better. Italians have very firm rules about food and they are not shy about pointing them out. Another comment asserts that if you cook pasta in anything other than boiling water, “an Italian grandmam dies” and if you dare to put pineapple on your pizza “an Italian dies”.

Other than having an epic sense of humour, these people clearly take their food seriously, and hallelujah for that.

Finally, the next time you feel like dialing for a mass produced multinational pizza, do yourself a favour and put the phone down. Walk down to your local Italian restaurant, greet them with a friendly ‘buonasera’ and make yourself at home. That’s the key to La Dolce Vita!

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Randwick Mayor Philipa Veitch

Don’t you just love Sydney in summer? The weather’s warm, the days are long and there’s a buzz of excitement in the air with so much on offer with arts and cultural events right on our doorstep.

Randwick Council acknowledges the Bidjigal and Gadigal clans as the traditional custodians and pays respect to Elders past and present. We’re proud to be partnering with the local community on January 26 at La Perouse to present Culture on Country – a unique celebration of our area’s proud Aboriginal culture and talented performers.

Join Vic Simms and the All Star Band as well as the Doonooch Dancers, Cianna Walker, Olivia Fox and Richard Luland. The show starts at 4pm.

What’s On FRI 26 JAN AUSTRALIA DAY COMMUNITY EVENT 11am – 2pm Kensington Park

CULTURE ON COUNTRY

4 – 7pm La Perouse Headland

In addition, a community event is being held at Kensington Park from 11am to 2pm featuring food trucks, an ice cream giveaway and lots of fun and interactive activities for kids.

On Saturday 10 February we’ll be welcoming in the Year of the Dragon with a special Lunar New Year celebration in the heart of Kingsford at Meeks Street Plaza. Come along for some great free entertainment, and why not check out one of the great Asian restaurants nearby to see why Kingsford is called Sydney’s undiscovered Chinatown.

SAT 10 FEB LUNAR NEW YEAR

3 – 9pm Meeks Street, Kingsford

And finally, Sydney Mardi Gras season is almost upon us.

We’ll be celebrating our diverse and inclusive community with a free event at the Coogee Rainbow Walkway on Saturday 17 February.

Happy Mardi Gras!

SAT 17 FEB RANDWICK PRIDE

Councillor Philipa Veitch Mayor of Randwick

Coogee Rainbow Walkway

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Headnoise

Let it go.

To Forgive and (Maybe) Forget Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Abdul Solve Struggling to find a topic to write about this month, I consulted a friend. “What about forgiveness?” they replied. The suggestion was delivered in such a way that it had immediate effect. Such a simple notion, but one that can have great impact if we are searching for a way forward from something that is holding us back. Forgiveness is a two way street, we either seek it or give it.

My friend forwarded a passage from the book The Way Forward by Yung Pueblo.

“Forgiveness is a powerful medicine. Hate weighs heavy on the mind,” Pueblo says. At its core, forgiveness is about letting go, giving us the ability to move on; by letting go we are releasing blame, resentment and anger that can have a stranglehold on us, keeping us bogged down in a mindset that is corrosive.

Like most mental states, there is no real black or white, and everyone will have a subjective experience with what it means to forgive or seek forgiveness. It’s perhaps worth a look then at what we might describe as the different levels of forgiveness. Steven Marmer puts forward three different types; exoneration, forbearance and release. Exoneration - something that was uninten-

tional or a genuine accident - is perhaps the easiest to grasp; Forbearance goes along the lines of a genuine apology for something done that created harm; and Release is often the hardest to deal with, as the parameters can be quite wide.

This could be something like infidelity or physical and/or emotional abuse. Release is all about power and who holds it.

By forgiving someone (including ourselves) we are reclaiming that power, allowing our energy to return back to us, in effect ‘releasing’ and stopping our reactions from dragging us back to what has happened in the past. By doing this we end up in the present, promoting a sense of control and peace of mind in the process.

Furthermore, by releasing we gain a sense of wisdom about other people. Alain De Botton explains; “To gain wisdom we become wise, becoming slower to anger and therefore to judge, not leaping to conclusions about why people do hurtful things. To be wise is to be generous and more lenient as to why things happen or why people do what they do if it’s harmful.”

To use a metaphor, being in a state of unforgivness is like being on a giant hook. You are

38 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

on that hook along with the person who has hurt you and it is painful. Wherever you go, so does the hook with the offender sitting right beside you. To get off that hook you need to allow the offender to get off first. The cost of not allowing the offender off the hook is a lifetime of potential unhappiness. To hang on the hook (both of you) means you remain the bait for resentment, anger and bitterness, a constant vortex pulling you down that can be very destructive.

If one has done something they regret, or been on the receiving end of something ill, it’s worth remembering these are past events that are now beyond your control. Interestingly, the bible is full of passages on forgiveness. I am not a terribly religious person but passages such as John 1:9 and Luke 15 offer sound words if you are seeking forgiveness.

Forgiveness equates to freedom, a sense of calm and, most importantly, clarity for your mind, which no doubt becomes clouded when we are hurt.

At the end of the day, what’s done is done and it cannot be undone. By letting go and forgiving we break the shackles that have held us back, and in their place we build a shield with wisdom to prevent future hurt from past events. Forgiving the other person first is the best place to start, then slowly start on yourself. Sometimes there are just no answers when a wrongdoing has come your way, but if you forgive and eventually accept you will be well on your way to finding answers and eventual liberation.

Jeremy Ireland is a local psychotherapist. Have you got a question? You can get in touch with Jeremy by calling 0400 420 042.

Spectacular beaches, beautiful sunrises, and some of the most stunning residences in Australia...

It's no wonder that the Eastern Suburbs is one of Sydney's most desirable locations to live.

It's about feeling at home, wherever you go.

So, whether you're moving in, or moving on, call Mary Howell. She will make sure you feel right at home, wherever you are.

MARY HOWELL 0414 400 345 maryhowell@theagency.com.au

Serving The Local Community Since 1978

KIDS SHOES* BUY ONE GET ONE

50% OFF!

Valid in-store only. only. Offer 1717 February 2024 Valid in-store Offerends ends January 2024 *While stockslast. last. Childrens Childrens and sizes 2C 2C - 7Y- 7Y *While stocks andyouth youth sizes

Seasons & Holiday Greetings From Your Local Shoe Store

201 Clovelly Rd, Randwick runnersshop.com.au 9315 87 11 Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 39

Marjorie's Musings

Great pastime, odd sport.

It’s Time to Get Walking Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill - Member for Coogee Photo Kerry Saxby The New Year offers the opportunity to reset our behaviours and aim for a better life. We are all aware of the need to adopt healthier lifestyles for our own benefit, the community and the planet. There is probably no more effective and cost-efficient way of doing this than simply walking instead of driving. Of course, there are barriers and time scarcity is the big one, but we can try and plan to at least walk more and drive less.

The return to school after our lovely summer holidays inevitably results in a massive increase in traffic congestion.

It is impossible not to notice the huge increase in traffic when school resumes. Sadly, the consequences of this reach far beyond the inconvenience to commuters of long delays and extend to the health of our community and of our planet.

It is time to reconsider the advantages that walking to school brings to our young people, our communities and our planet. The benefits of walking to school include improved physical and mental health, as well as emotional well-being. Walking provides more

than exercise; it enables the walker to be in control of their transportation, to observe and connect with the surroundings, it provides an opportunity to clear the mind, to fully wake up and become alert, to reduce stress and improve concentration. Walking to school provides an opportunity to meet others doing the same, to get to know the neighbourhood and to make friends. Physical activity combined with mental rejuvenation and social interactions contribute to enhanced mood and overall happiness. Arriving at school more alert and focused is conducive to academic success.

A newly revitalised program known as Get NSW Active is set to allocate funding towards over 80 projects centred around walking and cycling throughout the state. In an effort to promote active lifestyles and alleviate congestion on roads and public transportation, Get NSW Active will distribute a whopping $39.5 million to 50 councils for the implementation of various initiatives within their respective areas. These initiatives will consist of constructing new footpaths, cycleways and

40 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

safety enhancements, all aimed at encouraging individuals to embrace walking and cycling as part of their daily routines. The Get NSW Active 2023/24 annual program witnessed an impressive 523 applications from councils across the state, resulting in the allocation of funds for 44 Greater Sydney projects and 40 regional projects.

These projects are set to improve the way people walk and cycle around their communities, giving them the option to leave the car at home and walk or bike ride through their suburbs. Imagine the benefits if everyone who is able to get out and walk or ride a bike safely, whether it’s with the kids on the weekend or as part of their daily commute, did so. For every person that chooses to walk or cycle there is one less car on our roads and taking up parking spaces, or one more seat free on public transport for others.

We all need to get walking more and we especially need to encourage and facilitate walking to school. The gridlock of traffic we see in the East every school day is unnecessary and costly in so many ways. If there are problems with walking routes such as dangerous roads to cross, contact your local council and demand better. If your child’s books are too heavy for them to carry, buy a trolly or question why this is necessary. If you are concerned that your child is not safe walking alone, talk with your school and organise walking groups. The physical, emotional and social benefits are too important to ignore. By opting for a sustainable mode of transportation like walking, we decrease our carbon footprint and contribute to the global effort to combat climate change.

Let my office know if you need my help to make this happen.

Together, we can make a big difference for the better.

Fishing Report

Lewis with a stonker.

Stuck in Paradise Words Lewis Kennedy-Hunt Photo Cobia Bryant We were settling nicely into life on the road, with a great run of waves and some fruitful fishing behind us. Swapping New South Wales bitumen for Queensland’s sandy beaches, we sailed on into the Sunshine State with an unbridled thirst for adventure.

However, the thing with 4WDs is that it’s not a matter of if, but when something goes wrong, and around 1,000 kilometres from home we started being plagued with some dreaded car issues.

The ‘trusty’ Paj wasn’t coping well with the harsh summer heat and the engine was getting dangerously hot. Being left stranded on a remote beach with all of the coolant shooting from the radiator was just the beginning of a week-long saga that tried its best to sour our trip.

After being told that the problem would require parts that would leave us carless and stuck in Burleigh Heads for a week, we decided to bite the bullet and limp up to Noosa as hype started to build around a potential cyclone swell arriving in the coming days. We figured that if we could get there in time for the swell then at least we could get some waves while we devised a plan to get the car fixed.

And so it was, with a top speed of around 50km/h on the main highway and the heater turned to full despite an outside temperature of 30 degrees (a technique to draw the heat away from the engine), we finally made it to our destination by midnight after a

five-hour drive that should have taken three. When we woke in the morning the surf was cooking, with lines of swell peeling perfectly down Noosa Point as far as the eye could see, making all of our troubles worthwhile. A day spent catching leg burners down the point was the perfect way to de-stress and forget about the wounded vehicle.

The original plan was to get onto Fraser Island for a week, but with no mechanics available it was looking like we were stuck in Noosa for the foreseeable future. The good news was that the swell was due to hang around for the next couple of days, so we focused on just surfing our brains out in the meantime.

Not to be outdone!

Another silver lining to the situation was that we had booked a half-day fishing charter out of Noosa, which helped soothe any bad blood around missing out on Fraser. At 6am we steamed off from Noosa River on a large and seaworthy ‘cat’ boat before punching through the infamous bar and motoring out to one of the local reefs. We spotted busting tuna and a cruising tiger shark en route, and Charlotte and I were brimming with froth to get into some tropical reef species. We were dropping big baits in 50 metres of water and the 80lb monofilament line spooled on some of the reels was a sign that we might be in for a tussle with some decent fish.

After catching a few pan-sized snapper at the first spot, Charlotte came up tight with a better fish that left her buckled over the side of the boat fighting to gain some line on the beast. Wrestling the fish up in 50 metres of water

42 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

was no mean feat. Charlotte stood in awe as the cobia surfaced behind the boat and the decky made a swift gaff shot at our dinner. Seconds later I felt a clunk and set the hooks into a tank of a cobia that had me cupping the spool to stop the fish taking me back into the reef. After a series of pump-and-winds we boated the second cobia of the morning, measuring in around the metre mark. It was a new species for both of us and we marveled at their strength, coming to appreciate why they had earned the moniker ‘black kingfish’.

The rest of the morning was spent at a variety of spots where we boated a handful of reef species including Moses perch, sweetlip, snapper, pearl perch and even some small red emperor. It was clear that the fishing around these parts was insane, considering just how easy it was to catch such a diverse range of species of superb eating quality.

After crossing the bar and coming ashore we gave away half of our fish to a family at the marina before cleaning and packaging the rest of the meat for ourselves, leaving us with meals for the rest of the trip.

After finally finding a mechanic who could fix the car, we were happy to be on the road once again, managing to just make it onto the Moreton Island ferry in time. Although we were glad to be free of the car saga and back on schedule, we couldn’t help but look fondly on the time spent stuck in paradise where the fishing and surfing gods treated us with perfect waves and big fish.

As with all trips, when one door closes another opens.

Lewis' Arsenal Rod Okuma Pressure Point PP-S-701M (PE 2-4) Reel Okuma Salina SA-5000HA Line 30lb Platypus Pulse X4 braid, 30lb Platypus Stealth FC Fluorocarbon leader Bait Fresh squid

Tide Chart

February 2024 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Moons

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

1 0113 1.39 0706 0.68 1307 1.42 1928 0.56

2 0158 1.41 0801 0.73 1353 1.31 2007 0.61

3 0248 1.42 0908 0.75 1451 1.22 2055 0.66

4 0345 1.46 1027 0.74 1606 1.16 2155 0.69

• •

Sunday

6 0551 1.61 1251 0.55 1840 1.20

7 0007 0.63 0649 1.73 1345 0.42 1937 1.28

8 0105 0.55 0743 1.86 1433 0.30 2027 1.36

9 0200 0.46 0834 1.97 1519 0.20 2115 1.45

10 0251 0.38 0923 2.04 1603 0.15 2200 1.52

11 0343 0.32 1012 2.05 1646 0.13 2247 1.58

12 0436 0.31 1100 1.99 1730 0.17 2335 1.62

13 0530 0.33 1148 1.87 1813 0.25

14 0024 1.65 0627 0.40 1238 1.69 1855 0.36

15 0114 1.64 0727 0.48 1330 1.49 1939 0.48

16 0208 1.63 0835 0.56 1430 1.31 2028 0.60

17 0307 1.60 0955 0.62 1544 1.17 2126 0.68

18 0415 1.58 1119 0.62 1712 1.12 2235 0.73

19 0524 1.59 1234 0.59 1830 1.15 2345 0.72

20 0627 1.62 1330 0.54 1925 1.21

21 0045 0.68 0719 1.66 1412 0.49 2006 1.27

22 0134 0.62 0803 1.69 1446 0.45 2042 1.33

23 0215 0.57 0842 1.72 1518 0.42 2115 1.38

24 0252 0.53 0916 1.74 1547 0.41 2145 1.41

25 0328 0.51 0948 1.73 1615 0.40 2216 1.45

26 0402 0.50 1021 1.70 1642 0.42 2247 1.48

27 0438 0.51 1053 1.64 1709 0.44 2318 1.51

28 0516 0.54 1126 1.56 1736 0.48 2352 1.52

29 0557 0.57 1200 1.47 1804 0.53

5 0448 1.52 1145 0.66 1729 1.15 2303 0.68

• •

Global Tackle has moved!

Come in and check out our new store at Shop 304/116-132 Maroubra Road, Maroubra NSW 2035

With over 90 years of experience in Eastern Suburbs property, we get results.

Global Tackle

Shop 304/116-132 Maroubra Road, Maroubra Phone 9349 3916 Website www.globaltackle.com.au

Call: 02 9387 1700 www.willsproperty.com.au Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 43

Dana's Recipe

Best eaten by the pool.

Savoury Summer French Toast Words Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine The tomatoes at this time of year are superb, so as a starting point for this recipe I wanted to roast them and create a perfect meal for brunch. I’ve paired the savoury French toast with roast tomatoes, a soft goats cheese, fresh basil and smashed avocado. It’s a fun twist on the classic French toast, which is usually sweeter and often accompanied by fruit.

It felt like a nice idea to create a brunch dish at a time when we are acknowledging the late Bill Granger and his contribution to breakfast and brunch dining in Sydney in the ’90s. It may not quite be Bill’s famous hotcakes, but this is certainly a piece of toast to devour!

fresh white loaf ¼ cup milk 4 eggs, lightly beaten ⅓ cup parmesan, grated ½ tsp cracked black pepper 1 tbs butter, for frying

Ingredients (serves 4) French toast 4 thick slices of sourdough or

50g soft goats cheese Fresh basil leaves, picked Lemon wedges to serve

Roast tomatoes 400g mixed heirloom or cherry tomatoes 1 tbs olive oil ½ tsp sea salt Smashed avocado 1½ large ripe avocados, skin and seed removed, halved Juice of ¼ lemon ½ clove garlic, crushed ½ tsp chilli flakes Sea salt and cracked black pepper to taste

44 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Method 1. Preheat the oven to 180˚C and roast the tomatoes for 20 minutes, keeping in mind that you want them to retain most of their shape.

2. In that time, place the ingredients for the French toast, except the butter, in a large mixing bowl and whisk well. Soak each slice of bread generously, turning once and ensuring it is well coated.

3. To make the smashed avocado, place all ingredients in a bowl, roughly break up the avocado and gently mix the ingredients. Don’t overmix, it should be ‘smashed’ and not too mushy.

4. Heat a large frypan to medium heat. Place each piece of toast in the pan and cook for 2 minutes each side. The egg should be cooked and together with the parmesan will create a golden exterior and the toast should be soft but not soggy.

5. Remove the tomatoes from the oven and set aside.

6. Remove the toast from the pan and begin to plate. Place the pieces of French toast either in a stack or around the plate.

Generously spoon the roasted tomatoes over the toast, add the smashed avocado to one side, dot the goats cheese on and around the French toast and casually assemble the fragrant, fresh basil leaves.

7. Add lemon wedges to serve and a generous amount of sea salt and cracked black pepper.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

Album Reviews

NEIL YOUNG Before and After

Label Reprise Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Nearly eighty and still ticking along. Very impressive. I’ve never had a Neil Young stage - was never cool enough - but perhaps now is the time to stroll back through the catalogue of a man many claim to be one of the greats. Before and After is a stripped back reimagining of some of his lesser-known songs and it is well worth listening to (for fans old and new). The fact they aren’t his hits makes it all the better, as they feel fresh, even though most were probably written when cassette tapes were considered cutting edge.

NICKI MINAJ Pink Friday 2

Label Republic Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Anatomy Of A Fall Genre Drama, Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Words can be weapons, and director Justine Triet (In Bed With Victoria) wields them well in her compelling fourth feature film Anatomy Of A Fall, which she co-wrote along with Arthur Harari (Onoda: 10,000 Nights in the Jungle).

Don’t be expecting a traditional fast-paced whodunnit mystery. It is a taut, slow-burn yet riveting character-driven courtroom drama with a surprising layer of intrigue, and the winner of the 2023 Cannes Film Festival Palme d'Or and the Palm Dog Award.

When author Sandra Voyter (Sandra Hüller) becomes the main suspect in the death of her husband, Samuel (Samuel Theis), a lengthy investigation and trial commences, which turns into a disturbing character assassination that exposes the slow demise of a complex marriage and the destructive results that follow.

With outstanding performances adding to the suspense, particularly by Sandra Hüller, who is a definite Oscar contender, Triet’s intelligent and captivating film drip feeds us a slow reveal of information filled with ambiguity, personal perceptions and assumptions until we are left uncertain and wondering, did she or didn’t she.

46 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Did I wake up this morning thinking I’d be recommending people listen to Nicki Minaj’s new album?

No, I didn’t. With all the bells, whistles and WAPs, it’s easy to forget that Nicki Minaj is actually a very talented human being. Sharp lyrics are shot rapid fire through a jungle of fat beats and layered production, and it’s fair to say that, at her best, she is the epitome of peak contemporary hip-hop. It’s her quieter moments that really grab me though; her ability to sound like she might either skip playfully or rip your throat out at any moment is a real talent.

FIG

No Need To Rest Label Independent Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  I’m a bit late to the Fig party, but that’s fashionable, isn’t it? And it’s never too late to spruik a local act. The band is described as “slow glam”, which absolutely nails it. Think Arcade Fire and The Killers, with just as much sequin but a little more restrained. No Need To Rest feels like an aging ex-model, wearing pearls, sipping on a champagne, and looking out her window at the late night city skyline. A smirk dances on her lips as she listens to a ’70s vinyl and remembers sleeping with the bass player. Good stuff.

Book Reviews

Check out what's on at the Pav bondipavilion.com.au CHASING NOVAK FISHING

AINSLEY DE JONG COULD DANCE

Genre Fiction Reviewer Anna Tidswell Rating 

Genre Non-Fiction Reviewer Anna Tidswell Rating 

Daniel Jenkins passed away unexpectedly in 2017 and left this beauty of a book behind. Chasing Novak Fishing is a literary road novel about suicide, post-colonial guilt, philosophy and fishing, filled with some pretty glittering one-liners you’ll want to write down on the back of any receipt you can find.

The book follows Sergei and his Uncle Rog’s search for their brother and nephew Novak. Daniel’s own time spent in Vietnam is reflected in its pages with the country richly described through Tiger Beer bottles and bia hoi in paper cups, although Australia really takes main stage. Throughout the book, Sergei and Rog search high and low for Novak, from the pubs and racetracks of Sydney to the share-houses of Melbourne and the crevices of the Murray-Darling Basin, all the way to an outback vineyard in the Pilbara. While the jump in timelines can get pretty confusing at times, if you read this one with enough attention it unfolds into a wholly beautiful story about the importance of family and the strength of friendship.

After rounds of IVF and the loss of another baby, Ainsley made Aaron and Amanda de Jong parents. But soon after her birth she was diagnosed with a brain tumour, something she fought with more strength and grace than most adults, until a schoolyard accident turned everything upside down. This is Ainsley’s story and the story of her parents, in what would turn out to be years of their own fight to find out exactly what happened on the day Ainsley left for school and didn’t come home.

It’s real honesty and raw emotion that spills from Ainsley’s parents and those around her, making it more warming than devastating. It’s sad and you will probably cry at some point but you’ll smile too.

It’s not just about what happened to Ainsley, but rather who she was and what we can all learn from this little girl with the dancing feet and cheeky laugh. Ainsley de Jong Could Dance isn’t an easy read, and I might not take this one on my relaxing summer vacation, but it’s a book that needed to be written and a book worth reading.

Daniel Jenkins

Aaron de Jong and Peter Doherty

Issue 229 February 2024 The Beast 47

Beast Brainteasers

The Beast Supercross 1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

13

12

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

ACROSS 1. New King of Denmark (8) 8. Slang term for money (6) 9. Brand of instant coffee (7) 10. Carry the weight (4) 11. Trouble or afflict (someone) in mind or body (3) 12. Accounting journal (6) 13. Soft quilt (5) 16. Hideous mythical giant (4) 19. Genus of large herbivorous lizards (6) 20. Grooved ring or frame (5) 21. Fish eggs (3) 22. Skiing race down a winding course (6) 23. Fruit that grows in bunches (5) DOWN 1. Country bordering Sweden,

Norway and Russia (7) 2. Wooden frame for holding artwork (5) 3. Ornamental cloth pad worn on the shoulder (7) 4. First lady who owned a lot of shoes (6) 5. Slang term for knockout (1,1) 6. Lesion on the skin (5) 7. Skilful mountaineer (6) 10. Hunting dog (6) 14. A hoof, claw or talon (6) 15. Electronic communication (5) 17. Freed from, not subject to (6) 18. The effects of one’s actions that determine one’s destiny (5) 20. NSW town famous for cheese and Rodney McDonald (4)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson Photo Theresia Hall Instagram @theresia.g.hall 1. ‘Cadabra’ was the original name of what company?

2. What character have both Robert Downey Jr and Benedict Cumberbatch played?

3. Where is the strongest human muscle located?

4. Compared to their bodyweight, what animal is the strongest - a dung beetle, elephant, ant or cow?

5. What meat is traditionally used in shepherd’s pie?

6. What name is singer/actor Stefani Germanotta better known by?

High Vis Angler.

48 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

7. The Da Vinci Code opens with a murder in which museum?

8. How many floors does the Eiffel Tower have - 3, 6 or 18?

9. What is the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet?

10. Which international cycling event is held annually in South Australia?

it's insured 1800 040 040

www.itsinsured.com.au

PRESTIGE t's insured

HOME INSURANCE

Westblake Pty Ltd [CAR 124894] t/a it’s insured is a Broker Partner of Australian Broker Network Pty Ltd [AFSL 253131]

SURFBOARD REPAIRS

TELEPHONE 0405 059 134 WWW.DINGDOCTOR.COM.AU

LIVE WIRE ELECTRICAL Old wiring and small job specialist

Building & maintenance done right the first time • Small renovation jobs • Handyman maintenance • Electrical & plumbing

EXPERT, RELIABLE BUILDING & MAINTENANCE

1300 370 662 • domos.com.au

JFK

● Personal Injury ● Workers Compensation ● Insurance Claims ● Wills & Probate ● TPD & Super Claims ● Local Court Pleas ● Critical Illness and Loss of Income Claims

Local and reliable

LEGAL

Kevin Taylor

MOBILE LEGAL SERVICE Ph 02 9665 4846

Lic.No.98124C Since 1980

0408 772 759

RAY’S LAWNMOWING & PROPERTY MAINTENANCE

67 Dudley St Coogee

9664 9972

29-31 Alfreda St Coogee

9665 3936

w w w.t h e w r i g ht p hys i o . c o m . a u

○ LAWNMOWING ○ GARDEN MAINTENANCE ○ RUBBISH REMOVAL ○ PAINTING ○ PROPERTY MAINTENANCE

GIVE RAY A CALL! PHONE: 0467 670 785

Please email advertising@thebeast.com.au

Beardy from Hell Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 The first to apologise is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, the first to forget gets shafted again and again.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Why do you keep coming back to Sydney, the most expensive city on the planet, when you don’t even like living here?

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Try and make peace with some of your old foes, because you’re about to acquire some interesting new ones.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Pretending to be interested in your friends’ dull lives will not make them any more interested in yours.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Avoid making any important decisions until someone else with better judgment can make them for you.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 You need to drink more booze this year. You didn’t drink enough in 2023, and that’s why nothing good happened.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Why do you bother working at all when the only way to make money in Australia is by having rich parents?

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Wager as much money as possible on your favourite sporting team as soon you can, because this is going to be your year.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 One curly hair on a cake of soap could trigger an unstoppable chain of events and drive a wedge between you and your family.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Ignore the informed, well-considered advice of your peers and persist stubbornly with your own dumb way of doing things.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 You’re going to get a very unpleasant surprise while peeling something back, so wear gloves and block your nose if possible.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 If you’re not happy with your life, the only person who can change it is you, even though it’s your parents’ fault.

Star Signs

Bondi Counselling Services JEREMY IRELAND Grad. Dip. Psychology Dip. Counselling B.A. Comm.

SUITE 501, 35 SPRING STREET BONDI JUNCTION NSW 2022

Help and support with: • Stress and Burnout • Depression and anxiety • Problem Solving • Loss and Grief • Relationships • Addictions • Mentoring

Phone 0400 420 042

bondicounsellingservices.com 50 The Beast February 2024 Issue 229

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. Amazon 2. Sherlock Holmes 3. Jaw 4. Dung beetle 5. Lamb 6. Lady Gaga 7. The Louvre 8. 3 9. Delta 10. Tour Down Under 1

F

R

I 9

N

E

D

A E

L 11

2

S

I

C

D

I

U

V

L

G

S

L A

15

E

U

A

F

L

I M

5

O

D

G

A O

K

M A

B

E

E

R

20

B

O

A

G

R

E A

G A

R P

17

E

X

E

Z

R

A

E 23

S H

A

L

A R

O

L

A 16

21

7

U

C

18

N

O

10

L E

6

K

E

T

I A

4

8

U

M

U 22

R

E 14

N 19

A

12

L

N 13

E P

E

A

3

E

L

M P T

E

CLOVELLY EAGLES

RUGBY NIGHT with special guest

PHIL WAUGH

CEO Rugby Australia

Saturday 9 March

ponsor ly s

by ed

prou d

6.30pm til late The Clovelly Hotel

Tickets on sale now

clovellyeagles.com.au

incredible showroom, made-to-order headboards & beds

45 % O FF LEA D ING B RAN DS bedsaustralia.com.au 503 Old South Head Road Rose Bay 1300 588 788