The Beast - June 2022

BEAST The

June 2022

SUNDAEY 5 JUN

Celebrate World Environment Day TAKE ACTION, JOIN IN! Join us on Sunday 5 June to celebrate the biggest day for positive environmental action.

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This day offers opportunities to reflect on accomplishments and collectively build a sustainable world.

Head to our website to find out how you can take action.

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Dog rules are people rules As dog owners, it’s important that we take the lead to keep our dogs under control.

Waverley has a number of on-leash and off-leash dog walking areas. Please check the signage at your local park to know when and where it’s ok to let your dog off-leash.

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Welcome Note

Democracy Manifest Words James Hutton @thebeastmag Welcome to the June 2022 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s democratic beaches of the east. By the time many of you receive this month’s edition in your mailbox the election will be all over and some poor bugger will have inherited a steaming pile of debt and deficit to deal with for the entirety of their term. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy.

Local artist Marie ‘Cool Marie’ Tesoriero is the creative talent behind this month’s beautiful bright cover painting of a seagull at Coogee Beach. Marie holds regular pop-up stalls at Westfield Eastgardens where she sells framed originals, prints and postcards, and you can see more of her work by visiting her website, madebycoolmarie.wordpress.com.

I often get asked how the magazine is going, not just by friends but by all sorts of people

6 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

I meet along the way. I’m stoked that people are interested in their local publication, and I’m pleased to report that we’ve had a good start to the year.

More locals are sending in letters to the editor than at any point in the magazine’s 17-year history, and we’re receiving hundreds of readers’ photos as well. Crucially, we’ve enjoyed strong advertising support from local businesses and organisations and we’ve been able to manage inflation - everything is more expensive now - without having to pass on any costs. The Beast should hopefully be around for a while to come.

A big congratulations to our wonderful journalist Nicola Smith and her hubby Jasper on the birth of their daughter Josephina Leonnie Mary Smith. I’m happy to report that mum, dad and bub are all doing well!

Cheers, James

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 58,000 are placed in mailboxes and 2,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters to the Editor We want to hear from you!

Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and suburb.

CONTENTS June 2022 Issue 209 06 08 10 12 18 24 26 28

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local News Bits & Pieces Crime News Local Photos

30 32 34 36 37 38 39 40

Local Artist Unreliable Guide Money Matters Headnoise Bandage The Cynic Kieran's Satire Marj's Musings

Autumn Afternoons, by Laura Galvanek @fortheloveofbondi.

42 44 45 46 48 49 50 50

The Green Room Fishing Report Tide Chart Dana's Recipe Brainteasers Reviews Beardy from Hell Trivia Solutions

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Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 9

Pearls of Wisdom

Good time to buy a Rangey.

Wentworth's Burning Issue: Potholes Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Pol Pothole By the time my column is published in this month’s edition of The Beast, Australia will either have a new Prime Minister in the form of Craig Kelly (with Clive Palmer as the Treasurer and sole cabinet member of Kelly’s government) or we will be suffering through another three years of the travelling salesman, ScoMo, touting coal as if it were snake oil and riffing marketing spiels in tradesperson attire.

Regardless of who is at the helm of the eternally Lucky Country, I do hope to God the Prime Minister-elect does something about those potholes on New South Head Road.

For those readers who have not been following The Guardian’s trustworthy election coverage, potholes are a major election issue for the people of Wentworth. In other elector10 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

ates covered by The Guardian, bushfires and floods, climate change, honesty and integrity, the health system and affordable housing are at the front of people’s minds when going to the polls, but in Wentworth it is potholes. Granted, these are not just any ordinary potholes - these potholes can only be described as “like driving through a third world country”, hence warranting the attention of the entire nation and the Prime Minister.

There is something nostalgic about potholes. They are a very 1970s phenomena. With more cars on the road and suburbia extending into areas with clay soil, the environment was conducive to an era of crumbling tarmac. My time living in Sydney’s South West (please don’t tell anyone) was

plagued with potholes; those on Wallgrove Road on the way to Werrington were particularly memorable from the driver’s seat of the Holden Premier.

In the 1970s, potholes were conversation fillers, not an issue of national importance to bring to the attention of a media outlet (rather than the council or Main Roads).

While potholes are high on the list of election issues for Wentworth dwellers, it is strange that “climate is down the list of issues considered important”, considering that the torrential rain, being a consequence of changing weather patterns due to climate change, is most likely the cause of the potholes. Add the deadly combination of those massive SUVs favoured by Double Bay burghers (surely these vehicles were designed for potholes), and we have an environment conducive to a breakdown in road aesthetics.

Since Eastern Suburbs potholes fail to constitute a worthy election issue (and reek of middle-class wankery), may Pearl suggest to the people of Wentworth that they initiate community-facilitated action by following the lead of a retired couple in Hyderabad who use their pension fund to fill these annoying inconveniences? We can also reflect on the symbolism of The Pothole – as well as signifying environmental neglect, they will come to represent the state of national highways now that the petroleum excise has been reduced to accommodate the fuel tanks of the huge cars we insist on driving. And, to quote some dude on LinkedIn, “When you stop fixating on potholes you will achieve a higher purpose.”

Remember, like one’s face, a pothole can be filled in, but cracks will appear in the fullness of time.

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Monthly Mailbag

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Lucky People of the Eastern Suburbs PARKING PERMIT PECCANCIES I have recently received yet another confirmation that I am now fortunate enough to be living in ‘The Lucky Country’. I grew up in South Africa and recently became an Australian citizen.

This is not the forum for specifying the tragic events that unfolded for my friends and family in South Africa, suffice to say that I am delighted to read in The Beast that my (now) fellow Australians get hot under the collar about whether to put their parking permits on the lower left of their windscreens or just anywhere on the left. This is contentious stuff.

I don’t even want to know what happens to you when you put your parking permit on the right.

In all sincerity, thank you Australia, for allowing me to live in this beautiful, friendly, well organised country. I love it with all my heart. I feel safe and happy here. It truly warms the cockles of my heart when I read about parking permits, late trains, politicians taking a bottle of wine as a ‘bribe’, etc.

May we all continue to be so blessed.

Coleen Bondi Beach PEARL ON VIETNAM Very interesting words from Pearl from Clovelly (An Activist for the People, The Beast, May 2022). Vietnam now is very

12 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

much on the bucket list for many locals who want a down-to-earth break with organic food treats and bushland retreats unique to Vietnam.

Acknowledging Pearl, your views of the past and present give me a sigh of knowing what you mean, as I have family there now living and working. I do miss them and wonder how they got to be so far away. After your descriptive piece expressing the past events, it all adds up. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ruth Henare Bondi Beach RAIN! RESPONSE Dear James - I’m writing in response to Mora Main’s letter in your last edition (Rain! Letters, The Beast, May 2022). While it is hard to refute the premise that the climate has warmed due to fossil fuel burning, the response of many in Australia, as exemplified by the letter and empty posturing of many independent candidates in the coming election, beggars belief.

Australian emissions constitute a tiny fraction of the world's total, and even if completely eliminated would have a negligible effect on the global warming phenomenon.

To suggest that Australia has some magical solar resource or that green hydrogen is the foundation of an industrial phoenix is

an utter fantasy that completely ignores the basic physics and resulting economics.

There are two strategies available. Firstly, maximise the available revenue from fossil fuel resources present on the continent to develop a nuclear based defence deterrent, and secondly, adapt the husbandry of the land to make the natural and populated state more resilient to extreme weather events.

To suggest that malevolent actors would not seek to invade Australia for its resources well before any climate change effect takes devastating hold is refuted by recent political developments.

Best as always, Gareth Davies Bellevue Hill UNFINISHED ROADWORKS How annoying that these roadworks are still ongoing, with a hotchpotch of raised makeshift concrete slabs and the dug out of Birrell Street near Waverley College. Whose responsibility is it to finalise these roadworks, which have been ongoing for several weeks now?

Drivers can forget about getting a wheel alignment to one’s car after you drive over this mess until such time that these roadworks have been completed.

Viv Coogee MASKS... WHAT A JOKE! Travelling from the bus stop at North Bondi Surf Club recently, I counted 26 people get on the bus before I got off at Waverley Council, none wearing masks.

And it wasn’t even a popular beach crowd as it was cold and blustery.

In frustration I wrote to State Transit, and part of the response, apart from what was clearly a PR spiel, was that pubic transport didn’t have the right to deny access to anybody. What?

Amazed, I can’t imagine people being admitted who were drunk, violent, abusive, not appropriately dressed, etc.

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Monthly Mailbag Yet buses and trains admit maskless people who are not acting in the public’s health mandates and who are potentially causing harm to others. What sort of double standard is State Transit promoting? Promoting, supporting and encouraging these people is exactly what their inaction does.

State Transit also says it is the police whose job this is. Funny that, as I’ve never seen any police detaining and fining offenders.

In fact, I witnessed two police officers recently at Bondi Junction train station, watching ‘customers’ exit through the turnstyles, maskless, and some even jumping over the top, and doing nothing! So why were they there, and why weren’t they detaining or at least warning them?

What a joke! It seems to me that whatever the government’s ‘plan’ is, it’s not working, and this failure is just leading to more and more breaching of travel rules (and loss of income) because of government inactivity and failure to implement something effective.

Does State Transit or the government care? Obviously not!

Norman Bondi Junction TRAFFIC CALMING DEVICES Hi James - Let’s be cynical. The reason councils are installing traffic calming devices is to slow the traffic, but it’s not for safety’s sake, it’s a cost saving measure.

Road wear and tear is proportionate to the square of vehicle velocity, so if traffic speed is reduced from 50km/h to 40km/h, vehicle impact is reduced by about one third.

Regards, Steve Barker Bronte CHANGE THE LAW Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos says she is concerned about overdevelopment (Waverley Council Considers New Ways of Tackling Overdevelopment, The Beast, May 2022). Her first

14 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

priority should be to stop the practice of developers lodging amended developments once the initial development approval is given, even after appeal to the Land and Environment Court.

Mayor Masselos should advocate for a change in the law to stop developers adding an extra floor on buildings once the council approval has been given and any appeal process finalised.

Riley Bondi Beach DOGS Could Council please do something about dogs at our beaches?

Today at Bronte Beach at 10am I counted six dogs, all whining, snarling and barking.

There are many notices - all ignored by owners. If a child or person is bitten, Council could be sued. I doubt many people go to the beach hoping to enjoy the sound of other people’s dogs.

If you decide to buy a dog, surely you need to look after it yourself, not leave it to bark and snarl at other people while you take your time over a swim?

Dr Peter West Waverley SURFER RETURNS Hello James - Well, after your publication of my letter in January about the indigenous surfer being painted over at the South Bondi amenities block, the artwork has been restored to pride of place.

Fantastic, well done! I’m sure your magazine was the reason it has returned, and thanks to our unknown and very mysterious Bondi ‘Banksy’, whose works I have noticed in various locations around the east. It has been a real treat. Keep up the good work.

Regards, Paul Boric Clovelly CONDESCENDING CRIMES I was surprised by Gary Larson’s subjective and judgemental article, ‘Student Nurse Launches Attack Outside Pub’ (Alleged

Crimes of the East, The Beast, May 2022). Gary implied that going to a private school means you won’t lash out or have mental health issues. Surely the pandemic has shown wider society that mental health issues do not discriminate across class or income. The use of the term “shrink” instead of Mental Health Professional is also out of date.

“Shrink” is now often considered a derogatory term. I honestly wasn’t sure if this was a satirical article and found it offensive and unprofessional.

Kind Regards, Naomi B Kingsford ENVIRONMENTAL HYPOCRITES Dear Editor - The Teal and Green candidates promote themselves as caring for the environment.

Why then are they visually polluting our suburbs with their many election signs? Australia can do without their ‘luxury beliefs’.

Chris Clovelly Local Poetry POLITICS - FOR BEGINNERS AND SINNERS Men and women of Australia, voters, whether you eat sushi or pie-floaters, electing representatives is a serious matter, crises need policies, not political chatter.

From the Solomon Islands to the Ukraine, from devastating bushfires to flooding rain, who will step out of their mental silos to hold the hose?

What’s on offer is a comatose conga-line playing bongos, obscenely obsessed with adjusting their own halos, spouting credos and mottos, scripted librettos, about foreign embargoes and the price of avocados.

Between the manifestos, placebos and innuendoes, behind the fatuous photos, cameos and videos, under the overclothes, chinos and pantyhose, are shivering, quivering, self-serving egos.

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www.kensingtonkitchensandbathrooms.com.au Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 15

Monthly Mailbag They will try to sell you merinos, commandos and casinos, very fast locos, even faster torpedoes and casinos, backward flying crows, super-fast NBN radios and casinos.

Do not buy anything from these would be pharaohs of fiasco, these suited up diminuendo impresarios of endless proviso, remember the braggadocio cigarillo of Treasurer Smokin’ Joe? That was 2014, for those who didn’t know.

Question Time, surely a public display, of democracy - each member can have a say, the Minister responsible comes under scrutiny, sometimes the Chamber is more like a mutiny.

You dare lecture us, in the gallery, about propriety, as though you are the solid pillars of society, but when push comes to shove you’re certainly not above, some underhand behaviour, thinking that will save your,

skin from the rising tide, coming to salt your lousy hide.

Unfortunately codes of conduct, are not law, they’re more like duct tape over ministerial behaviour.

It’s all at the PM’s grace and favour, in fact there is barely a moment of shame, before it’s libel and there’s the ABC to blame.

to the brightest angel in the rainbow parade.

There is a marvelous world that takes some courage, to embrace - our commonwealth, the whole entourage, way beyond your nostalgic narrow-minded agenda, when a family meal was meat, two veg and two gender.

The tin-pots start banging on the drums of war, rattling sabres for some cheap political score.

Or calling for freedom, of religious expression, but that is code for legislative oppression to use legal levers and churchy pious bias, to censor, censure, restrict and deny us.

Those posed pictures of you hiding under a hard hat, or slouch hat - shovel-ready for work or combat, hiding your venality under the ANZAC ethos, of the egalitarian citizenry of generations previous.

On that day in April you may salute the Digger, but every other day you finger the trigger, to put someone else’s son in the firing line, for some national purpose, that you can’t define.

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Local News

Leah Purcell Inducted Into Australian Film Walk of Fame Words Anthony Maguire Photo Chelsea Hunter

Bondi's world title winner.

Bondi Beach Mural Honours Local Surfing Champ Words Anthony Maguire Photo Zane Mathew A mural celebrating 1993 world surfing champion and former Waverley resident Pauline Menczer has been unveiled at Bondi. The mural was painted

by Canberra visual artist Megan Hales on the Bondi Beach sea wall.

Pauline is the only person from Bondi to ever win a world title. But she did not receive any prize money or sponsorship - in those days female surfers were not recognised as they are now.

“I did receive a trophy, but the top of it was broken,” Pauline told The Beast. “At the time, I thought it was just loose.”

Now a new generation of surfers is aware of Pauline’s achievements after a movie was made about her and other female surfing trailblazers called Girls Can’t Surf. Meanwhile, fans set up a GoFundMe page to raise the prize money Pauline never received. The campaign raised over $60,000. Pauline kept the $25,000 she was owed, which went towards her own health costs - she lives with a 18 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

rare autoimmune condition.

The rest was given to charity Impetus for funding the Bondi Beach mural came from Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos, who said, “Waverley Council acknowledges Menczer as an unsung hero of the surfing world, and she deserves our formal recognition for all that she has achieved in a sport dominated by men in the 1980s and 1990s.”

Council has also supported a move for a bronze sculpture of Pauline at Bondi. The money for this work is being raised through a GoFundMe page called Pauline in Bronze.

“When I last checked, it had raised a bit over $5,000 and the aim is to raise $150,000,” Pauline said.

The former Bondi Public School and Dover Heights High School girl lives in Brunswick Heads. She was in Bondi while the mural was being painted.

“I was touched by how many young people told me I’d inspired them,” said Pauline.

Filmmaker and actor Leah Purcell, AM, has been honoured with a plaque on the Australian Film Walk of Fame outside the Ritz Cinema in Randwick.

Leah is seen here standing alongside the plaque with Randwick mayor Dylan Parker before a red carpet screening of her latest film, The Drover’s Wife: The Legend of Molly Johnson. She wrote, directed and played the lead role in the outback colonial drama, based on a Henry Lawson story.

Leah joins the ranks of other giants of contemporary Australian film whose achievements have been recognised in bronze outside the Randwick cinema.

The plaques are sponsored by Randwick City Council. Mayor Parker said Leah was “a creative powerhouse” who has had a major impact on the Australian film and TV industry.

An indigenous woman from Queensland, Leah has strong ties with the Eastern Beaches community - she organised and MC’d the Survival Day and Yabun concerts at Waverley Oval and La Perouse in the 1990s and early 2000s.

Leah with Mayor Dylan Parker.

Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 19

Local News swimmers psychologically confident,” he explained.

Danny Donohoe, President of Maroubra Surf Life Saving Club, agrees. “The nets are a necessary precaution,” he said.

“Both the nets and the drum lines serve a purpose.”

Keeping swimmers psychologically confident.

Should Smart Drum Lines Replace Shark Nets?

Words Anthony Maguire Photo Department of Primary Industries Keep the new shark drum lines - but don’t do away with the nets. That’s the view of two Eastern Beaches surf club presidents following the fatal shark attack at Little Bay and subsequent implementation of Smart Drum Lines.

After the death of Simon Nellist in mid-February, there were heavy falls of rain that made the ocean water extremely murky.

The lack of visibility increased the fear that swimmers, surfers, divers and boaties were already feeling as a result of the attack. This fear is perhaps a factor that has been largely overlooked in the debate over proposed removal of the nets.

Data from the NSW Department of Primary Industries (DPI) shows that Smart Drum Lines are a far more humane way to keep sharks from entering our bays. Many more sharks survive and there is a much lower death and injury rate 20 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

among non-target species.

But what about humans?

Would it be right, as we step into the water, to have the Jaws theme music playing in our heads while we wonder whether it was a good idea to remove the nets? These physical barriers went up after a series of horrific shark attacks on the Eastern Beaches in the 1920s and 1930s, but now Waverley, Randwick, Woollahra and other Sydney coastal councils want to see the nets removed, pending the successful completion of trials using Smart Drum Lines next year. They have articulated this policy through an umbrella body called the Sydney Coastal Councils Group.

Brent Jackson, President of Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club, believes the nets should remain while we take full use of the Smart Drum Lines and other technologies such as drones. “It’s a matter of keeping

How Do the Drum Lines Work?

Smart Drum Lines have been successfully trialled by the DPI on the North and South Coasts, plus Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Following the Little Bay fatality, the DPI swiftly installed 15 Smart Drum Lines offshore between Bondi and Little Bay. From the surface, all you see is a pair of buoys. One of them is attached to a heavy-gauge line and a hook baited with a whole mullet. The other buoy is attached to an anchor at the bottom. Between the two buoys is a catch alert unit that sends out a signal when a shark or other sea creature gets hooked.

A boat is then quickly sent out.

“Sharks are brought alongside the vessel where they are tagged, sexed and measured before being relocated further offshore for release,” a DPI spokesperson told The Beast.

A circle hook is used, making it easier to release the shark.

Since late February, more than a dozen sharks have been caught off the Eastern Beaches using the Smart Drum Lines.

There have been seven dusky whalers, six tiger sharks and one smooth hammerhead.

The great white that killed Mr Nellist has eluded capture and is thought to have moved on to other hunting grounds.

“There is no silver bullet or 100 per cent guarantee when it comes to protecting beachgoers from sharks, but the NSW Government is doing all it can to get the balance right, between keeping swimmers and surfers safe, and protecting our marine life,” the spokesperson said.

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Local News

Cinema to Return to Double Bay in Redevelopment of Cross Street Car Park Words Anthony Maguire Photo Holly Woods

Running for the homeless.

Nedd's on the Run Again Words Hannah Watkins Photo Adam Linforth Local Randwick sparky Nedd Brockmann was one of the most positive stories of 2020, running 50 marathons in 50 days while still working full-time - to raise money and awareness for the homeless.

His incredible feat captured the hearts of the nation, raising just under $100,000 for the Red Cross and inspiring people across the country to get off the couch.

Now Nedd’s chasing a world record and a charity push to match. He wants to break the world record for the fastest ever run across Australia, which currently sits at 43 days according to website Fastest Known Time, and 67 days according to Guinness World Records. He will continue his push for the homeless, setting a fundraising goal of $1 million for homeless charity Mobilise.

Kicking off in Perth on September 1 and finishing at Bondi Beach, Nedd will aim to run just under 100 kilometres each day for around 40 days, the equivalent of more than two marathons a day! He is calling on corporate Australia to get 22 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

behind his challenge and help him get across the country.

Nedd currently has support from Budgy Smugglers and Posisocks, but is in need of a whole lot of other supplies and funding to help him on his epic challenge.

Nedd’s drive to support the homeless came when he first moved to Sydney from Forbes to start work as an apprentice electrician and study at TAFE. He was taken aback by the number of homeless people in Sydney and wanted to help beyond just dropping a few dollars into a cup. Nedd has chosen to partner with Mobilise as they are a community of like-minded people across Australia who aim to make a difference and raise awareness for those who need help.​They strive to provide recognition and functional care to the homeless, to educate and raise awareness to the broader society, and to be a platform that creates change through connection - something Nedd feels strongly about.

For more information and to support Nedd, please visit neddsrecordrun.com.

Despite the current absence of a cinema at Double Day, the harbourside village has been home to a number of movie houses in the past. Now, Woollahra Council has announced its latest proposal for a new cinema complex in Double Bay, but some residents think the project should be given the flick.

The council wants to knock down the Cross Street car park and replace it with a mixed residential/commercial development which would include a multi-screen cinema complex. The project would be run in partnership with the Pallas Group, Assembly Funds Management and Fortis Justification.

“This is a great result for the community, and will complement the significant improvements to Double Bay delivered in recent years,” said Woollahra Council’s General Manager, Craig Swift-McNair.

However, Double Bay Residents Association spokesperson Barbara Mortimer says the project would “deprive the community of 400 precious car parking spaces.” A council plan to provide parking in Steyne Park during construction was not acceptable because it would “completely dislocate the harbourside part of Double Bay.” The Cross Street car park.

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waltercarter.com.au Ph: 02 9389 3499 249 Bronte Rd, Waverley NSW 2024 Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 23

Bits & Pieces

Bits & Pieces From Around the Beaches Words James Hutton and Anthony Maguire New Barbecues at Bronte Waverley Council has been exhibiting plans for new barbecue facilities at Bronte Park. Public comment was open until May 24, but the council has kindly offered to read submissions if they are a little late. The plan proposes to locate four new barbecue units under the shade of trees in Bronte Gully. Each will be located near a picnic shelter and one will be adjacent to the playground. “We want any structures in our open green spaces to blend in with the natural landscape as much as possible,” Mayor Paula Masselos said. “That includes pouring smaller concrete slabs for the barbecues, as we want to minimise the amount of concrete in the park and not impact upon the environmental values and biodiversity of the park.” Another consideration is locating them away from pathways and dog offleash areas so crowds are evenly distributed throughout the park.

For more information and to share your views, please visit haveyoursay.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Pop-up Pedal Parks Back for Winter Dust off your scooters and oil up your bike chain! Randwick City’s hugely popular pop-up pedal parks are back this winter with some new locations. Commenced in 2020 to show support for local communities during the COVID lockdowns, the pedal parks initiative has enjoyed continued community support and the extension has been very well received. From June to August this year, the car parks at Clovelly Beach and Chifley Sports Reserve, as well as a new site at South Maroubra Beach, will be closed to cars and turned into temporary bike parks.

Please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au for more information.

24 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

Strap On Your Boots The Queens Park Under 13 Titans soccer team has enjoyed great success, but this season they’ve lost half their team. As players move from primary to high school, schedules change and independent schools encourage students to play with their school teams. But the Titans are determined to rebuild, so if your child is keen to have a run and was born on or after January 1, 2009, call 0408 788 244 or email nicholas_s@iinet.net.au.

Coach Nicholas has a working with children check and his son plays on the team.

Annie’s Boy Eastern Suburbs author Gary Todd’s latest book, Annie’s Boy, is a story about a young boy and his mum living in the 1970s and 1980s in Scotland where fear, violence and struggle were an everyday part of life. Spanning 15 years of their lives, it’s a story about hope and quiet courage, but it’s also funny, sad and brutal. Annie’s Boy will seize the heart of every reader and is available in shops from May 16. $28,500 Prizes on Offer for Published Authors Are you a published author?

You may be eligible to enter one of Australia’s most prestigious literary competitions, the Mark & Evette Moran Nib Literary Award. The award is run by Waverley Council under the sponsorship of Mark and Evette Moran. “Waverley Council recognises the role that arts and culture play in defining our community and during this period of recovery from COVID, we remain committed to supporting emerging and established writers through the Nib Award,” Mayor Paula Masselos told The Beast.

Authors and publishers of books in any genre are invited to enter.

Books must have been published between June 30, 2021 and July 1 this year. There is a first prize of $20,000, six $1,000 shortlist prizes and a $2,500 People’s Choice Award. For all guidelines and submission details, go to www.waverley.nsw.gov.au/nib.

The closing date is June 20.

Get Ready to Street Party Streets will be closed at Coogee Beach on Saturday, June 4 and The Spot in Randwick on Sunday, June 5 to host community street parties. The State Government events, supported

by Randwick Council, are part of a broader Sydney Street Parties series being hosted across Greater Sydney. The parties will transform Coogee Beach and The Spot into a street fiesta with live music and family-friendly entertainment. The activations are designed to reconnect local communities with their local town centres and to support business recovery from COVID. For more information, please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Void, by Caleb Reid Marking a new step in the ever evolving visual expression of painter Caleb Reid, an exhibition of 25 of the talented Bronte artist’s new paintings will be on show at Abstract Thoughts Gallery in Darlinghurst on Friday, May 26. Caleb has brought us a body of work that is strange and bold with its imagery. Odd portraits, painted with a raw and unapologetic hand, this series is as mysterious as it is quirky. Collectively seen, the paintings hint at an explored inner turmoil, sometimes haunting, sometimes full of dark humour. Caleb has attempted to make paintings outside of himself and has left us with a range of strange and active images from his inner world.

Don’t miss this rare opportunity.

Back To Easts Day Saturday June 25th Remaining 2022 Home Fixtures Join us down at Easts Rugby Club for Back to Easts Day as we take on Randwick for the Battle of the East!

A great day of family fun including live bands, jumping castles, face painting, DJs, champagne bar and much more!

June 25th v RANDWICK BACK TO EASTS July 9th v EASTWOOD COUNTRY DAY July 23rd v GORDON INDIGENOUS ROUND July 30th v HUNTER WILDFIRES JUNIOR'S DAY

Easts v Randwick - Back to Easts Day Saturday June 25th 2022 1st Grade kick off 3:05PM

Buy tickets now www.eastsrugby.com.au

VS

Crime News

Anyone know this bloke?

Alleged Crimes of the East Words Gary Larson Knifeman Threatens Pedestrians Police have appealed for public help in identifying a knife-wielding thug who threatened pedestrians in Kensington and Maroubra.

The man, seen above in security footage, is alleged to have demanded money from people in Houston Road, Kensington, but fled the scene without any proceeds when he was startled by a nearby resident. He was seen running towards Anzac Parade, Kingsford, where he boarded a bus.

Minutes later, he got off the bus near the intersection of Fitzgerald Avenue, Maroubra.

Here he threatened another person with his knife and demanded money. Again he fled without any cash being handed over.

Do you have any clues about the identity of the knifeman?

Contact Maroubra Police Station on 9349 9299 or Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000.

Dover Heights Man Made Threatening Calls - Police A man from Dover Heights has been arrested for making hundreds of threatening phone calls to people in NSW, Victoria and Queensland. Gerard Vamadevan is said to have been arrested in

26 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

a vehicle stop at Dover Heights.

Police seized two mobile phones from him. When a search was conducted in his nearby home, a further eight mobile phones were seized.

The 53-year-old appeared in Waverley Court charged with a string of telecommunications offences. Evidence was given that he had targeted dozens of people. Two victims received death threats and others were threatened with serious harm.

In addition, there were calls of a “sexually explicit” nature, according to prosecution evidence.

Vamadevan is alleged to have been making the threatening calls to both men and women since 2018. He was refused bail.

Footie Player Charged Following Fatal Brawl An up-and-coming Eastern Beaches rugby league player has been charged in connection with a street fight that left a 23-yearold man with fatal injuries.

Keidan Donovan-Phillips, 20, and two other men were charged with affray following the early morning brawl outside the Oxford Hotel in Darlinghurst.

A former South Sydney Rabbitohs junior, Donovan-Phillips spent three weeks in prison before being granted bail at Downing Centre Local Court.

His bail conditions include refraining from alcohol, reporting to Maroubra police station three times a week and staying out of Sydney’s CBD unless he is seeing his lawyer.

Anaesthetist Knocked Out Man on Randwick Street Dr Stephen Klugman felt he was entitled to leave his boat trailer parked on a Randwick residential street, a court heard. So when a resident took objection to the trailer being left there, Klugman decided to stick up for his rights.

Screaming “F… you, you don’t own the street,” an enraged Klugman punched 64-year-old Matt Petersen in the face. Mr Petersen fell backwards, hit his head on

the road and lost consciousness, Waverley Court was told.

The court heard 61-year-old Klugman, an Eastern Suburbs anaesthetist, also punched another man who tried to stop the attack.

Klugman’s lawyer tried to portray his client in a positive light, telling the court he was director of a charity, Smile for Me. Evidence was also given that the medico had mental health issues after he and his wife were diagnosed with different forms of cancer.

An application was made to have the two assault charges dismissed on mental health grounds. Magistrate Ross Hudson dismissed the application but agreed to defer sentencing pending submission of further defence evidence.

Would-be Car Thief Foiled Anyone know who this shifty-looking character might be? He tried to steal a BMW in Queens Park and it’s unlikely he was planning a joy ride high-end cars are being stolen in affluent suburbs for use in serious crimes.

Eastern Suburbs Police Area Command made a posting on Facebook about the 1am incident. The would-be car thief gained entry to the garage of a home, but fled after being disturbed by the occupant.

Anyone with information is urged to contact Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or Rose Bay Police on 9362 6399.

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Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 27

Subject Jump Location Coogee Photographer Enrico Di Grande

Subject Cake of the Month Location Bondi Junction Photographer Graeme Bogan

Subject The Sentinel Location Clovelly Photographer Mary Lin

Subject The Greatest View Location Bondi Photographer Lyn Singer

Subject Wilson! Location Coogee Photographer Steve Peach

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Froth Monster Location Tamarama Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Watchful Miner Location Bronte Photographer Alan Henderson

Subject Flying Into Wylie's Location Coogee Photographer Steve Peach

Subject Curious Kestrel Location Clovelly Photographer Pauline Wall

Subject Building Bridges Location La Perouse Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Local Artist Who are your artistic inspirations? My art teacher Debora, who has taught me so much.

I also get inspired by the cool graffiti wall in Bondi Beach.

What are you working on at the moment? Adding to my animal collection, maybe a racoon because they have a cheeky face which would make people laugh.

Any other local artists to look out for? The Ability Arts Markets recently held through Bayside Council in conjunction with Windgap had some awesome locals showing their work.

Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? Take photos of things that inspire you to look at and paint, and always be yourself with your work.

Don’t worry, be happy!

Local Artist...

Marie Tesoriero from Coogee Interview James Hutton Photo Debora Vecchi Coogee’s Marie Tesoriero, also known as Cool Marie, is the talent behind this month’s colourful cover painting. Cool Marie shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

I’ve lived in Coogee for about eight years. Previously I lived in Malabar. I love this area!

Why do you live here? It’s walking distance to my favourite places; the community gardens, the beach and all the Coogee shops and cafes.

What’s your favourite eatery? I always happily queue up for the infamous Xcel Chicken Vietnamese roll from the kiosk in Coogee.

Where do you like to have a drink? Sitting on the sand with a takeaway juice watching the surf.

30 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? All the beaches and the cool locals. It’s such a happy place, it makes me happy to live here.

How would you describe your art? I love using lots of bright colours to make beautiful paintings and help make people feel happy. Animals and plants are my favourites to paint.

Where can people see your work?

I hold regular pop-up stalls at Westfield Eastgardens where I sell framed originals, prints and postcards. And my website, madebycoolmarie.wordpress.com.

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? I loved craft growing up, but lockdown gave me a chance to learn new techniques. I’ll continue to practise and make more work. It keeps me busy - and out of trouble!

Who is your favourite person?

My mum, dad and sister Nat all share the title. They are fantastic people who take care of me and we laugh a lot together.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Arts and craft, cooking, bowling, footy practice in the park... there’s always some sort of fun activity happening.

What do you do for work? I work in a printing shop making cards, labels and more. I also do volunteer work packaging meals for the frail and elderly people in the community who live at home, and I continue to make art and craft for my new business, Made

By Cool Marie. All the profits I donate to the Sydney Children’s Hospital. You can find out more by following @madebycoolmarie on Instagram or at my website, madebycoolmarie.wordpress.com.

Do you have a favourite quote?

As the late Bobby McFerrin so cheerfully sang, “Don’t worry, be happy!”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Stay kind, stay smiling and don’t forget to keep calling in on your friends to make them happy and smile too!

Waverley Council Update Mayor’s Message Streets as Shared Spaces Waverley Council has received a $500,000 state government grant through the Streets as Shared Spaces program to revitalise Hall Street, Bondi Beach between Campbell Parade and Glenayr Avenue by introducing a shared space, changes to outdoor dining and creating a plaza with more greenery and improved lighting.

The program provides funding for Sydney councils to test and pilot new and innovative ideas that temporarily adapt streets as safe, shared public spaces for communities. We are continuing to gather feedback from local businesses about ways we can make Hall Street an even more enjoyable place to visit during this period of economic recovery following COVID lockdowns. To get in touch with our Economic Development team, visit the Business section of our website where you can also sign-up to their monthly newsletter for the latest business information, events and networking opportunities.

Boot Factory building restoration Waverley Councils’ restoration of the much loved Boot Factory building in Spring Street, Bondi Junction, and the Mill Hill Centre is due for completion late winter.

Demolition of the external

courtyard has been completed and a temporary roof structure installed over the building to allow internal structural and fit-out works to commence. The Council is transforming the former shoe making factory, and the adjacent Mill Hill Centre, into a civic innovation hub of the future. For updates, see the Major Projects section of our website or sign up to our Waverley Weekly e-newsletter.

Overnight parking in Bondi Junction Waverley Council’s residential parking scheme at the Hollywood Avenue Car Park, Bondi Junction, is making it easier for residents to access secure overnight parking.

Residents can apply for a monthly pass to park in the secure car park at a discounted rate of $144 per month between the hours of 5pm and 9am. On-street parking is in high demand across our local government area due to the sheer number of people who live, work and visit our area. Most residents do not have private off-street parking, so Council decided to offer the Hollywood Avenue Car Park for overnight use for residents. We recognise that walking and cycling is the most sustainable forms of transport, but we also appreciate that people do still own cars. The initiative has also helped free-up street parking in surrounding streets. To apply, visit waverley. nsw.gov.au/residents/parking.

Glenayr Avenue Streetscape Upgrade

upgrade of Glenayr Avenue, North Bondi, between Hall Street and Warners Avenue. Key features of the upgrade include building raised continuous footpaths and intersection treatments, planting additional trees and greenery and installing high-quality paving in commercial areas. The project is proudly funded by Waverley Council and the Federal Government through a Local Roads and Community Infrastructure Grant.

Placemaking and street activation are key principles of this streetscape upgrade. All work is expected to be completed by the end of November 2022 (weather permitting).

Bondi Innovation Forum Australia’s top entrepreneurs return to Sydney on Thursday 26 May for the 2022 Bondi Innovation Forum presented by Waverley Council in partnership with Bondi & Districts Chamber of Commerce and Bondi Innovation Alliance. Bondi locals Dany Milham (Milkrun) and Claire Morris (Prezzee) are among this year’s speakers at the free virtual live event being broadcast online from Bondi Icebergs from 10am to 1pm. This year, the Bondi Innovation Forum celebrates the theme of “the future of possibility” and the bold, brave and inspiring journeys our entrepreneurs have faced on the road to success. For more, visit innovationbondi.com.au.

Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley

Construction has begun on Waverley Council’s streetscape

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe

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Unreliable Guide other mob finally got in, would they bring anything better to the table? Maybe yes, maybe no, but I do think it’s time to clear out the cobwebs and let a different bunch of bastards play power games for a while.

Still pulling the strings.

The Unreliable Guide to...

Politics Words Nat Shepherd Photo Wendy Deng At the time of writing, the election is yet to be held, so I can maintain my fantasy that this time, unlike every other time I’ve voted, the election will actually achieve something.

We will vote unanimously for people who are in politics not to massage their egos or line their pockets, but because they care about the world and the people in it. Better still, when these wonderful, imaginary people get into power they will manage to navigate the corporate global economic elite that are vested in ensuring things stay the way they are. Our fantasy leaders will not be corrupted by their power, they will serve their term, do their very best and then move on with grace and dignity when it’s time for the next bunch of legends to have a go. Imagine!

What a crazy fantasy that is.

Meanwhile, in the real world, The Unreliable Guide is here to 32 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

help you discern the power-mad lying bastards from the incompetent, self-serving tosspots.

Change Is as Good as a Rest Personally, in this two-party system we laughingly claim as a democracy, I don’t think it makes a great deal of difference who gets in. Sure, Murdoch’s vast media propaganda machine (termed by Kevin Rudd as a cancer on democracy and

by Malcolm Turnbull as an absolute threat to our democracy) has been trying to persuade us otherwise. His news outlets constantly spin the idea that Scotty is a clever politician and not a lunatic bible basher and that our premier, Domicron, did a really great job guiding us through the pandemic by getting rid of restrictions just as cases were rising and ensuring all health workers had a really shitty Christmas. But even if the

Better Systems But if both options are hopeless, is there any point in politics?

Perhaps not, under the current system that favours these two big party megaliths. Personally, I’m all for ground roots, decentralised and local-focus politics.

Sure, let’s have a well-educated, intelligent federal team looking after foreign policy, defence, etc., but how about we forget the big parties for state and council issues? How can it be democratic when council decisions, based on local needs and detailed knowledge, are overturned by federal decisions based on backing big business?

And while I’m at it, let’s ban advertising in politics. Just level that playing field and have everyone given the same small amount to print a leaflet that states their policies. And make them accountable - if a politician claims something can be done, they have to offer up a spreadsheet of exactly how and then they have to bloody well try and do it. NO MORE LIES! Finally, yes, The Unreliable Guide knows I am, as The Castle’s iconic Darryl Kerrigan would say, dreaming. Politics is never going to be fair; there are too many very rich and very powerful people determined to ensure that democracy remains nothing more than a fancy idea that keeps the proles quiet. As Stalin, that highly successful dictator, once revealed, “It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.”

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Randwick Mayor Dylan Parker We’re a community-minded bunch at Randwick City and we don’t mind a street party, so I’m pleased to announce that we’ll be hosting two this month as part of the Your Street, Your Party event series.

This will give us the chance to get together, put on some bright colours and take part in fiesta-themed celebrations at Coogee and The Spot.

I’m looking forward to seeing how the streets will light up with colour and energy as we get back into the swing of things and support our local restaurants, musicians and businesses.

You’ll find details about when and where each of these street parties will take place in the What’s On section, to the right. Check our website for more information on which musicians are performing, and when, as well as all the food and entertainment that will be on offer.

Another way we love to celebrate our community is with our Pop Up Pedal Parks, which will be returning to Clovelly car park and Chifley Sports Reserve and, for the first time, the south Maroubra car park as well.

From June to August, sections of these car parks will be turned into a safe space for kids to enjoy riding their bikes, trikes, scooters and skateboards.

These are such a great way for friends and families to get outside, get active and make the most of our winter days.

It’s a pleasure to be able to prioritise people over cars in this instance, and I know kids love it too.

What’s On THURSDAYS IN JUNE TAI CHI FOR BEGINNERS 10am Lionel Bowen Library and online 669-673 Anzac Pde, Maroubra Bookings essential

FRIDAYS 2PM CRAFTERNOON

Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Pde, Maroubra Free

SATURDAY 4 JUNE YOUR STREET, YOUR PARTY

Coogee Bay Road, Coogee 10am – 6pm Free

SUNDAY 5 JUNE YOUR STREET, YOUR PARTY The Spot, Randwick 10am – 6pm Free

SATURDAY 18 JUNE INSIDE THE WATCHTOWER 11.15am La Perouse Museum $15

Councillor Dylan Parker Mayor of Randwick

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Money Matters

The man moving markets, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell.

Interest Rates Words Rob Shears Photo Elissa Leonard The topic du jour is interest rates. The US just put rates up half a percent. This is the largest interest rate rise in over 20 years. Australia put rates up for the first time in 11 years.

Few remember the periods of higher inflation and interest rates from last century, and the thought of higher rates strikes fear into the many who have borrowed heavily to buy property.

The issue is, no one knows how high rates will go.

I can remember the stress in our household when my parents’ mortgage rate was 18.5 per cent in 1989. A 7 per cent mortgage rate would today wipe many households out.

Australia has a very different mortgage market to the US and other countries. Some borrowers here have recently fixed rates for a few short years.

However, compared to the US, where it is common to fix for 30 34 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

years, we are far more exposed to interest rate rises.

In a declining rate environment, our variable rate mortgage market benefits enormously. In a global rising rate environment, our extremely leveraged economy is highly vulnerable.

Some are forecasting a fall of up to 25 per cent in property prices, with a 1.5 per cent increase in interest rates. While I think forecasting is inaccurate, it is difficult to be optimistic about assets that have benefitted so much from declining rates now that the tide has turned.

We see many people who have most of their assets in their family home and plan to downsize in a few years to realise some of this capital.

The question must be asked: Is delaying this downsizing in a rising rate environment likely to provide you with the same level

of capital injection into your retirement funds if interest rates rise a few per cent?

There is positive news for those looking to enter the property market, as they may have more buying power if rates rise the few per cent that is expected.

With extreme debt levels in Australia, we suspect that fewer rate rises will be needed to make a significant dent in our economy.

Interesting times ahead.

Rob Shears is an Authorised Representative of Valor Financial Group (AFSL 405452). This advice is general and does not take into account your objectives, financial situation or needs.

You should consider whether the advice is suitable for you and your personal circumstances.

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Headnoise

Look through a different lens.

The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Isaac Newton In last month’s column I discussed the concept of a ‘schema’ - the relationship between what we see, our thoughts and our moods. The metaphor of a ‘lens’ is a useful way of explaining the idea.

Each of us has a different way of looking at and interpreting a particular situation because we all have our own personal lens through which we see the world. Our lens is unique to us and will have a definite sway on not only how we feel about stuff that happens, but perhaps more importantly on what we do once we have this feeling.

If a schema determines how we look at things, it’s fair to say we might pay more attention to things that relate to the particular schema. If we are anxious about achievement, for example, we might focus a lot on imperfections in our performance. Getting 90 per cent in an exam is not good enough, say, so we beat ourselves up about the 10 per cent we didn’t get. If we are concerned about abandonment, we focus and then worry about our loved one leaving us, and if they do leave it leads you to feeling depressed because you don’t like being alone.

At the heart of this are our core beliefs that, for good or ill, tend to steer us down a particular path. But where do these core beliefs, or schemas, come from? We often learn these core beliefs from parents, siblings, peers and partners. Parents are big influencers when it comes to negative core beliefs. For example, instead of congratulating you on that 90 per cent in the exam, they might say you could’ve done better, that you didn’t try or needed to study more, comparing you to others who got a better mark, which in turn leads you to feel like you’re not good enough unless you’re better than everyone. Ultimately, it’s 36 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

easy to see how such core beliefs can be ‘taught’ to us when we are young and impressionable.

Of course there are other sources of schemas that can influence core beliefs. Schemas can be internalised from popular culture; images of being thin and beautiful, a perfect body, perfect sex, wealth and success. Such unrealistic images can negatively reinforce core beliefs about perfection, inadequacy and superiority. Think of these beliefs as a magnet; they are always waiting to attract evidence which confirms them. The more evidence, the stronger they get. Unfortunately, just like a magnet, they repel anything that doesn’t fit with the belief, which in turn makes it hard to ‘see’ or believe anything, which would undermine them.

What can we do if our core beliefs are putting us into negative territory? Well, the first thing to realise is that core beliefs are not facts, and that over time they can be altered, despite them seeming resistant to change. It is easy, and perhaps considered normal, to seek information that is consistent with our schemas, but again, if challenged they can be changed. Here’s an example: say you’ve had an argument with your boyfriend, it may trigger the belief, ‘I’m un-lovable’. Despite the fact you’ve been in the relationship for years, the deep seated schema of ‘I’m un-lovable’ would normally lead you down the negative path of something like, ‘If he knew the real me he would leave’. The evidence that the belief of ‘I’m un-lovable’ is distorted is the very fact that the relationship has been going for years and is still going. By challenging the core belief we can resist the automatic pull of the magnet and reverse it. If you believe you are stupid because your dad said you could have done better at school, you can grab hold of the fact you have owned and run a successful business for over twenty years.

If you are struggling with negative schemas, therapy will help you learn what your schemas are and how they were developed, help you see how you are avoiding/compensating for them and show you how they are affecting your ability to enjoy life. Your therapist will help challenge and modify them, develop new ones and ultimately help you make choices based on healthy values instead of the old ones that have haunted you in the past.

Remember, any situation can trigger a negative core belief. If we can change the lens through which we see the situation, the better chance we have of thinking about it, feeling about it and ultimately what we do about it.

Have you got a question? Please contact Jeremy at bondicounsellingservices.com.

Bandage

The boys enjoying the green room.

Dead Routes: The Real Deal Words Alasdair McClintock @aldothewriter Photo Bodhi Davids Dead Routes could well have been household names by now, had it not been for that pesky little virus that put life on hold for a while. The seeds of the band were planted all the way back in 2019, but it took them until 2021 to finally play a gig, only for the second wave to shut things down again. Their infectious mix of rock and groove shall not be silenced, however, and this will hopefully be the year they gather some momentum.

The band consists of Alexander White on vocals and rhythm guitar, Peter Masselos on lead guitar, Oscar Molloy on the bass, and Taj Cronin plays drums. True blue locals, all the boys come from the Eastern Suburbs and currently live in between Bondi Beach and Rose Bay. They caught up with The Beast, having just announced their first headline gig on June 4 down in Moss Vale, at the Moss Vale Hotel.

“It’s going to be a great night,” the band said. “We are keen to play outside of Sydney again. It has been tough, due to many factors such as lockout laws, threats to music institutions like Frankie’s Pizza and The Lansdowne, and obviously the impact of COVID. Despite that, it is great to see there is a lot of up-and-coming talent, especially around the east. There is a really supportive scene within the Eastern Suburbs, with bands and artists helping each other out when they can.”

Dead Routes describe their sound as taking inspiration from ‘90s alternative and mashing it with a more contemporary flavour. It is a surprisingly spot-on description.

“All the boys in the band have varying musical preferences and influences,” they said.

“As a collective, our influences stem from iconic groups such as Soundgarden, HELMET and

the Red Hot Chili Peppers, to modern Australian bands such as Violent Soho, Crocodylus and Sticky Fingers.”

Listening to their track ‘Concrete Sofa’, Sticky Fingers is indeed the first band that comes to mind, but you don’t have to dig too deep to discover several other layers. It is closer to rock than ska, with some joyous shredding towards the end, and there is even a sprinkling of Jeff Buckley. The taste will leave you salivating for more and thankfully the wait may not be too long.

“We recently hit the studio to record two new tracks, so keep your eyes peeled for some announcements, there will definitely be some new music emerging soon.”

Follow Dead Routes on the socials (@deadroutesband) to keep up to date and fire up ‘Concrete Sofa’ immediately, it’s a geuine ripper. Dead Routes are the real deal.

Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 37

The Cynic

Say 'cheese'.

Photo Bum Words Jay Houhlias Photo Kurt Essy Good people of the Eastern Suburbs, I am sincerely sorry. I have committed, and continue to commit, a terrible atrocity living in the actual world.

Society, tragically, has deemed it socially acceptable and morally correct that when someone is taking a photo, the rest of the world stops and waits.

Because someone decided to take a picture, everyone around must respect that and stop whatever they are doing to make way for that person and their photo. The photo taker could be in the middle of a footpath, or the road, or at the beach, or a pedestrian crossing (Abbey Road was great though), or even at a funeral. It seems there is nothing out of bounds now for photo taking, and if someone decided they want a picture on the train tracks while a train is inbound, we must respect it.

We must respect the picture.

Because we have been indoctrinated into this culture of ‘etiquette’, we really don’t realise how mind-bogglingly stupid it is. Let’s lay out the idea so you too can understand just how dumb it is.

38 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

A person decides they want to take a picture on a footpath.

Ten people behind them must stop and wait, or, walk around.

Everyone is held up, the world is held up, and then the picture is taken, and then the picture taker gives permission for the people around them and the rest of the world to resume. ‘Ok’ says everyone around and the rest of the world, ‘thanks for the permission, I would have been stuck here all day if you hadn’t granted it!’ If people don’t want to wait or walk around, they can walk through, but they are seen as incredibly rude - the photo takers glare at them, society glares at them, the metaverse glares at them, God glares at them. All that person wanted to do was continue on their day.

What has just transpired is an encroachment on individual sovereignty and freedom. It sounds severe when put like that, but it really is severe. In no other setting would you allow someone to physically dictate your movements - unless you’re part of a cattle herd on some acreage getting nipped by a kelpie.

When you make way for someone else’s photo, the digital world takes precedence over actual presence in normal, everyday life. Now, this isn’t new, because a lot of people already live like this, caring about digital appearances over real life. That isn’t the issue.

No, the real issue is now one step further.

Because you, as the photo taker, prioritise your digital presence more, you imply as well, by the very fact that you expect me to act according to your stupid photo, to share your priorities and make me care about digital presence more.

Don’t tell me how to live my life and I won’t tell you how to take dumb photos.

Oh, but such a small hinderance you might say, only a few trivial seconds to wait for the photo, such insignificant steps to the side of the footpath to avoid impeding on the perfect picture.

Ah, but how wrong you are!

I say none of it is insignificant. I say the road to chaos is paved one stone at a time.

Painstakingly unimportant is each individual stone, but eventually they make a path, and then you walk down that path because you have trained yourself to become that head-ducking, body-weaving, goose-stepping, oh-gee-sorryI-didn’t-realise-it-was-a-photo bumbling buffoon whenever you interrupt the sacred ritual of picture taking.

If you want to take a photo, take it, but don’t expect me to move out the way for it, or stop whatever I’m doing so you can get the perfect snap. No one should be subjugated to such narcissism.

So stop now everybody. Don’t let these entitled, ill-mannered people impact you and your day because you decide to live in the actual, physical world.

Kieran's Satire

Up shit creek.

More Kayaks to Inundate Rushcutters Bay Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblakewriter.org Photo Tom Woodriff Rushcutters Bay is awash with kayaks as savvy paddlers prepare for the region’s conversion into the world’s first designated underwater village.

Residents had attributed the takeover of local parks to lockdown fads and a lack of storage space in tiny local apartments, but were surprised to hear that the owners are preparing for the impending rise in sea levels which will soon convert the region into an underwater village.

Images of local beaches completely disappearing under massive swells and huge tides confirmed to locals that kayaks and other waterborne vessels will soon replace gas-guzzling cars as the preferred method of transport for residents from Elizabeth Bay to South Head.

The southern harbour region was chosen for the grand experiment for a number of reasons. Residents adhere to a misguided belief that they live in a village, they cling obsessively to the shoreline, they are devoted to renovating and they

traditionally vote conservative.

“This is a safe federal Liberal seat, and it is obvious to the educated that the Coalition has become merely a front for the fossil fuel industry. It is thus fitting to carry out this experiment in a region which is both driving climate change and is in line to suffer its effects,” declared a spokesperson for Sydney Underwater Village (SUV).

“The underwater village also guarantees every resident the one thing that brings meaning to their lives - uninterrupted water views.”

Renovation hobbyists will be ecstatic to learn that every house in the region must be refitted for underwater living.

Air-tight glass houses will run on wave power and hydro energy, making Australia the first country to make an involuntary transition to renewable energy.

Existing marinas will be augmented to placate Gina Rinehart, and Australians will finally understand why the mining

magnate prefers to sponsor water-based sports. Fortunately for locals, their luxury yachts will enjoy even greater tax deductions, and will run entirely on wind power, except at night time.

Daylight saving will be dispensed with and hungry locals will be able to select their dinner as it swims by the window, while local dads will never tire of telling their kids that underwater living brings new meaning to the term ‘school’.

There will be no need to spend hours cleaning the backyard swimming pool, and barnacles will be removed by low-paid migrant workers once their islands are swallowed by the ocean.

Harbourside homes will also serve as prototypes before the initiative is extended to houses overlooking the Eastern Beaches, and life beneath the surface will deliver two exciting developments to beachside residents: surfers will be able to surf from their front door, and locals will finally stop whingeing about car parking.

Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 39

Marj's Musings

Speedster Jess Sergis.

The Games We Love to Play Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Zac Lomax There is always a special vibe in the air around May. As the weather cools, we are well and truly into our working year after the extended weekends of Easter and ANZAC Day have passed and the sporting seasons are in full swing. Whatever your preferred code, we are lucky to have lots of sporting options to either play or view in Sydney’s East.

May is a blockbuster month for sport and very welcome after our lockdowns. How terrific it is to be able to attend our big events and engage freely in our own active sports and see our children enjoying theirs!

We recently saw the conclusion of the Women’s National Rugby League competition (NRLW). This was in fact the 2021 NRLW, postponed from late last year due to the Omicron outbreak. We are in for a real treat with the NRLW this year, with two premierships being played; the 2022 competition is due to run later in the year.

The 2021 competition was a treat for fans and players alike, as for the first time we had an all-Sydney grand final featuring the Sydney Roosters and St George-Illawarra Dragons. Followers of the NRLW here in the East were no doubt cheering on the mighty Roosters, as skilful a team as any, as they held out the tough and resilient Dragons.

Some of the stars who stepped

40 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

up in a big way on grand final day included Roosters speedy outside back Jess Sergis and the uncompromising forward Sarah Togatuki, winner of the Karyn Murphy Medal for best player in the grand final.

It is a big year for the NRLW with its expansion to six clubs.

Moreover, the Australian Rugby League Commission (ARLC) has announced the competition will expand to eight clubs in 2023 and to ten in 2024, with a view to further expansion in the following years. In many ways this is a natural progression as a result of the increased investment by both the ARLC as well as the New South Wales Rugby League over the last five years.

The NSWRL Under 19s Tarsha Gale Cup, with nine teams from around the state, itself is a product of the growth in female participation in our junior rugby league ranks.

As a coach and former women’s rugby union player myself, and a follower of both rugby codes, it is pleasing to see the rise in female participation across the board in recent years, with almost 23,000 women and girls registering to play rugby league in 2021. This is a 20 per cent increase on the previous year and a record for female participation in the game in NSW. We are seeing a rise in female participation across much of the junior leagues as well. Astonishingly, the Roosters junior league right here in the East has experienced a 257 per cent increase in female participation since 2019.

As part of the growth strategy for women’s rugby league in Australia, the ARLC will also see a dedicated salary cap system introduced next year, which will result in a 28 per cent pay increase for professional female players. While not yet near the level of remuneration in the men’s game, this is a welcome initiative, albeit with a long way to achieving gender pay parity.

Local sport is vital to the wellbeing of our local com-

munities, especially in these hopefully post-pandemic times.

The coming together of players and families, friends and fans, in these vibrant face-to-face settings provides renewed opportunities for social connections and community links and is so important to resuming our normal socially interactive lives. The benefits of exercise and sport for not just physical but also mental health, particularly to our young people, are well understood. The benefits of community sporting participation also extend to our economic wellbeing, as active communities reduce the burden on our health systems and the economy, yet more reasons why governments must step in to provide support and funding for community sports across all communities and not squander such funds on pork barreling.

If watching a game has inspired you to throw on the boots and give it a try, my advice is to do it! I have personally found my participation in women’s rugby to be a great source of physical well-being, as well as friendships. We have some wonderful clubs around the area, including the Clovelly Crocs that has teams for all ages, and there are even non-contact versions of rugby league that you can play if full contact isn’t your thing.

As a lover of all sport, it is exciting to see how well our community sport has bounced back in 2022. We have also seen resurgent attendances at our big elite sporting competitions, in a sure sign that the sporting community is enjoying some sort of return to normality. Seeing a great crowd on hand at Redcliffe in Queensland for the first ever standalone NRLW grand final was a real highlight of the year, as was hearing the Roosters chant among the crowd as the team from our local area took home the trophy.

Whatever your sport of choice, my wish is that you and yours enjoy it to the full in this year of hope and opportunity.

EDUCATION

Online Community Town Hall We would like to hear from you about your experiences relating to public education in the Eastern Suburbs

Monday, June 6 th 2022 from 6-7pm

Dr Marjorie O’Neill MP Member for Coogee

Prue Carr MP Deputy Opposition Leader and Shadow Minister for Education

Please scan the QR code to register

Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP Member for Coogee If you need assistance, please do not hesitate to contact my office and follow my social pages for regular updates.

Phone (02) 9398 1822 Email coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Address 15/53-55B Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Facebook MarjorieONeillCoogeeMP Instagram marjorieoneillcoogee Twitter marjorieSONeill Authorised by Dr Marjorie O'Neill MP. Funded using parliamentary entitlements.

The Green Room

Senator Shoebridge with Greens leader Adam Bandt.

Kicking Goals Against Corruption Words Mora Main Photo Jeremy Park In today’s Australia, the focus of governments seems mostly about maintaining power, on just staying in government. Making decisions in the best interests of the people of Australia is secondary. Spending more money on election campaigns is how to win. With no limits on campaign spending or donations at the federal level, the donations arms race rages on.

But where to raise the funds? Big corporate donations can pay for saturation media promotion, but they come at a price - an obligation to look after the donor’s interests. If it’s good for the donor to stall, deny, ignore and discredit good data, good science or community needs, so be it. Wealthy donors call the shots. Innovation is stifled, wealth is polarised and Australia’s future is threatened.

Secrecy in Government Government by corporations requires that details of sweet deals for cronies need to be kept from voters. The NSW Upper House has powers to obtain information from the government, but David Shoebridge and his colleagues had to work to secure this. The Carr Labor Government launched two court challenges against the release of documents and lost.

The current Liberal Government responded to calls on child protection, the Powerhouse Museum business case and the redevelopment of the Sydney Football and Olympics Stadiums by trying to claim ‘Cabinet in confidence’. By threatening to release the name of the minister responsible for the cover-ups, David was able to make progress.

Exposing government secrecy is an essential part of fighting corruption.

42 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

icare Fiasco In 2015, the NSW Government established icare to replace the insurance part of WorkCover to provide workers’ compensation to more than 326,000 businesses and 3.6 million employees in NSW, the biggest scheme in the country. From its inception, icare was a top heavy organisation with big salaries for executives with little background in insurance. Public sector rules were flouted to favour icare. Some executive positions were held by long-time Liberal Party donors. A rushed tender process for a claims and billing system resulted in eye-watering IT costs of around $360 million.

Despite many injured workers not getting their compensation payments, icare made multi-billion dollar losses. Incompetence was rife and return to work rates were poor. Then it was revealed that two of Treasurer Dominic Perrottet’s staff were being paid by icare to get around staffing caps in parliament. As a consequence of the information uncovered by David’s parliamentary inquiry, the icare CEO and the head of its board both resigned and the two staffers were sacked.

His bill to ensure all icare tenders are covered by integrity rules gained majority support in the Upper House.

Dodgy State Budget To artificially inflate the NSW state budget, the Treasury transferred the state’s rail network’s assets and costs to the Transport Asset Holding Entity (TAHE) - supposedly independent and self financed. A parliamentary inquiry established and chaired by David exposed the transfer of costs for track maintenance, trains and stations into this virtual entity with no CEO, no board and no revenue.

A confidential cabinet submission warned of a “number of significant risks relating to the creation of TAHE”, including safety risks if maintenance is separated from operations, potentially repeating the Glenbrook and Waterfall rail disasters.

David called the TAHE affair “scandalous” and he complimented the Auditor General for highlighting $6.6 billion in budget errors.

Geoffrey Robertson SC, former counsel assisting the ICAC, agreed, stating, “This needs to go to ICAC.” Integrity reform at the federal level is urgently needed. A politician with a proven history of working effectively to uncover rorts, establish enquiries and to make politicians and bureaucrats accountable is what is required. Someone who has a long record of calling for a federal ICAC. That is David Shoebridge.

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Implement a fully costed transition to 100% renewables, backed by science and experts.

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Public schools, TAFE & university. Make early education accessible for everyone.

Fund public and affordable housing.

Support renters' rights.

Justice for First Nations

Defend and extend Medicare

Truth & Treaty, to right the wrongs and move forward together.

More hospital funds, increase aged care staff ratios, dental/mental into Medicare.

Economic justice and jobs

Care for nature

A manufacturing revival in the clean and green industries of the future.

Protect biodiversity, bushland, public land, local beaches and harbour water quality.

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Fishing Report provided plenty of consolation. Partner in crime Katy also landed a monster flatty, measuring in at 75cm. Another jewy mission at a local Eastern Suburbs beach the following evening also failed to deliver the elusive target. This time the pair were haunted by small bronze whaler sharks in excess of a metre, landing two and losing a small tackle store’s worth of gear, the consolation being one large tailor that was stolen out of the bucket by one of the local area’s many urban foxes.

Hopefully they’ll smack one soon.

Lewis with a nice little dolly off Sydney.

Back to My Roots Words and Photo Lewis Kennedy-Hunt During May I was lucky enough to line up a trip on a mate’s big glass centre console Sportsman boat for a day of fishing in glamorous conditions.

We sent it around 20kms offshore to a Department of Primary Industries (DPI) fish aggregation device and hurled a range of live baits and lures at the buoy in the raging current. The fish were truly firing and it was hard to get my presentation out of the water without a solid dolly (dolphinfish) in hot pursuit. After releasing twenty or so fish we departed for dry land, each with a few models for the table. Other recent trips have seen some inshore bonito, kingfish and snapper hitting the deck of my tinny.

Jumbo Jewies A notable capture that caught my attention last month was of a whopping 1.25m jewfish off one of the ferry wharves within sight of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge - particular respect to the lucky angler who chose to release this beast of a fish. Over in the Georges River, a photo has been circulating of a man wielding a huge jewfish of around 1.3m and in excess of 20kg, a true trophy mulloway. The local jewfish fishery certainly seems to be blooming.

Local Mulloway Missions The publisher of this masthead, James Hutton, has been suffering from a chronic case of Jewfishitis, exhibiting symptoms of increased nocturnal activity and tri-weekly trips to local beaches and wharves in search of the elusive ‘silver ghost’. A recent adventure north of Sydney with legendary fishing guide Alex Bellissimo didn’t deliver the target species, but an 80cm flathead 44 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

Flathead on Lures Fishing for flathead on lures is a practice that resonates with fisho’s all across Australia, with ‘lizards’ being plentifully distributed right around the country. Targeting these fish on lures is a great way to get into the lure fishing side of things and is how I first cut my teeth in the dark art of lure fishing. I like to use a light 1-3kg graphite rod with a 2500 reel spooled with some light braid and fluorocarbon leader around the 8lb mark. I find a ¼ ounce jig head matched with a soft plastic around 3 inches to be perfect for your average sized flatty. Diving hard bodies and even surface lures can be effective in shallower areas, and soft vibes or blades can work well in deeper water. Off the boat, I like to focus my efforts on areas with a sandy, muddy bottom with patchy ribbon weed, fanning my casts around as we drift over the desired area to cover as much ground as possible.

Landbased anglers may like to focus their efforts on drop-offs where shallow water descends into deeper water or sand flats where you can wade around a bit. If you are looking to get into lure fishing, this is a fun and rewarding way to do so.

Back to My Roots Fishing these days, like most things, is becoming ever more complex and technical. So much so that it is easy to become overwhelmed when navigating through the social media hype, commercial aggression and general overcomplication that surrounds the sport. For me, returning to simpler techniques offers a sobering reset with some of the more core values that fishing has to offer. Pumping yabbies on the sand flats of the South Coast with my Grandfather is where it all began for me and is something that I love to do when I can. A live pink nipper, light line, a small sinker and a long shank hook to match offers a presentation that estuary fish find very difficult to turn down. A feed of flathead, bream, whiting and trevally is a welcome byproduct of this technique.

I’ll be heading down to Moruya myself in a few weeks and I’ll certainly be going to this method - hopefully the Leedham and I can get on to a few.

Tide Chart

June 2022 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday

Tuesday

Moons

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

Wednesday

Thursday

1 0335 0930 1453 2129

0.51 1.33 0.67 1.81

2 0414 1010 1530 2206

0.53 1.30 0.71 1.78

3 0454 1052 1611 2245

0.55 1.28 0.74 1.74

•

Friday

Saturday

6 0014 0715 1320 1841

1.63 0.62 1.26 0.84

7 0105 0804 1418 1945

1.58 0.61 1.30 0.84

8 0203 0853 1515 2055

1.55 0.58 1.38 0.82

9 0304 0940 1606 2203

1.53 0.54 1.48 0.75

10 0404 1025 1654 2307

1.52 0.51 1.61 0.65

13 0102 0654 1242 1917

0.42 1.51 0.45 2.00

14 0157 0751 1330 2007

0.32 1.49 0.47 2.08

15 0252 0849 1423 2100

0.26 1.47 0.49 2.12

16 0347 0946 1517 2153

0.23 1.45 0.52 2.10

17 0445 1045 1614 2247

0.25 1.42 0.56 2.04

20 0040 0733 1343 1919

1.80 0.42 1.41 0.71

21 0139 0825 1441 2030

1.66 0.48 1.45 0.74

22 0240 0914 1537 2141

1.54 0.53 1.50 0.74

23 0341 0958 1629 2250

1.43 0.57 1.56 0.72

24 0439 1040 1716 2351

1.36 0.59 1.63 0.67

27 0124 0707 1238 1917

0.56 1.29 0.63 1.77

28 0202 0749 1316 1955

0.52 1.30 0.63 1.80

29 0239 0830 1354 2031

0.49 1.30 0.64 1.81

30 0315 0908 1432 2108

0.48 1.30 0.64 1.81

• •

•

4 0538 1136 1654 2327

0.58 1.26 0.78 1.69

Sunday 5 0625 0.61 1226 1.25 1744 0.81

11 0501 1.52 1109 0.48 1741 1.75

12 0006 0558 1154 1828

18 0542 1144 1713 2343

19 0638 0.36 1243 1.40 1814 0.66

0.30 1.40 0.60 1.94

25 0532 1.32 1121 0.61 1800 1.69

26 0041 0622 1200 1840

0.53 1.52 0.46 1.88

0.61 1.30 0.62 1.73

Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 45

Dana's Recipe 2 spring onions, finely sliced 1 small bunch of coriander leaves, finely chopped 2 tbs soy sauce 1 tsp sesame oil (Steamer baskets available at Asian grocers)

The new Aussie staple.

Pork, Prawn and Coriander Dumplings Words and Photo Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Dumplings are fast becoming something of a staple in Australia, with many different options now available. And they’re easy to make at home; in just half an hour you can create delicious, silky, steamed pork, prawn and coriander dumplings with this simple recipe.

The ingredients are all available from the supermarket, except the prawns, which I prefer fresh from a seafood supplier.

The wonton folding technique can vary depending on 46 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

the time you have to spare, but you must ensure they are sealed correctly to keep the steam in.

Use chopsticks as an authentic touch to serve.

Ingredients 1 packet wonton wrappers Filling 400gm pork mince 200gm fresh green prawns, shelled, deveined, finely chopped 2 tbs fresh ginger, grated 1 long red chilli, finely chopped

Method 1. Combine all filling ingredients in a bowl, mix well and set aside.

2. Separate the wonton wrappers onto a board and in the centre of each square place a tablespoon of the filling.

3. Lightly brush each edge of the wonton wrapper with a small amount of water then bring the edges together and seal by pinching together with your fingers.

4. Repeat until you have used all of the filling. Cover the prepared wontons with a damp tea towel or cling film to stop them from drying out.

5. Bring a large pot of water to the boil and place a Chinese steamer basket on top, ensuring the water does not touch the basket.

6. Place baking paper (or perforated paper liners if you have them) inside the steamer basket.

7. Add wontons to the basket, allowing space around each one, and steam for approx. 8 minutes to ensure the filling is cooked through.

8. Remove carefully with a spoon onto a serving plate.

Serve with soy and/or chilli sauce and fresh coriander.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

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Brainteasers

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sheltering young (5) 2. Number one girls’ name in NSW for 2021 (6) 3. Popular brain game (6) 4. Fearless American singer-songwriter (6,5) 5. The highest singing voice (7) 6. One who performs relatively menial tasks for someone else (7) 11. Rectangular object or flat figure with unequal adjacent sides (6) 12. … Pacino (2) 13. Solemn promises (4) 15. Male adults (3) 17. Suspicious, wary (5) 19. Large upper pelvis bones (4) DOWN 20. Film projec1. Structures made by birds for tion using a giant screen (4) laying eggs and ACROSS 1. Penguin Bloom actress (5,5) 7. Smart bird (3) 8. Barbed flat fish (8) 9. Turn around a point or axis (6) 10. TV series starring Jason Bateman (5) 12. Sound and sight technology (1,1) 14. Artificial opening in an organ (6) 16. System of voting secretly (6) 18. Two-piece cossie (6) 21. Black Sea port city (6) 22. 2005 hurricane (7) 23. Georgetown is the capital of this country (6)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson Photo Emma Neems Instagram @emmaneems 1. What boys’ name was the most popular in New South Wales in 2021?

2. What is Prince Edward’s wife’s name?

3. What boy’s name means ‘to pilfer’?

4. Who was Shakespeare’s most romantic heroine?

Residual Swell.

48 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

5. What was Dorothy’s dog’s name in The Wizard of Oz? 6. Scott Morrison is a member of which Sutherland Shire church congregation?

7. What is the collective noun for a group of moles?

8. What is the collective noun for a group of owls?

9. Which famous American skateboarder’s surname is a bird of prey?

10. What small winged insect is American musician Michael Peter Balzary professionally known as?

Reviews

FONTAINES D.C. Skinty Fia Label Partisan Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Post-punk is enjoying a resurgence of sorts, perhaps due to the bleakness of the times or maybe just because it’s bloody awesome. Regardless, Irish band Fontaines D.C. are clearly at the forefront of the movement. Skinty Fia finds them really hitting their stride, potentially peaking. It’s a cracking album. Interpol and Joy Division fans will love it.

I get the feeling sitting down for a pint with these guys might be a little intense though. God help you if the whiskey comes out; you won’t be discussing your favourite Care Bears character, that’s for sure.

STICKY FINGERS Lekkerboy Label Independent Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Hatching Genre Horror Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador When childhood angst, psychological horror and a Grimm-style coming-of-age tale collide, you end up with Finnish director Hanna Bergholm’s impressive feature debut, titled Hatching. It’s a darkly humorous and creepy satire of online culture and a goo-filled body horror film written by Ilja Rautsi (Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre) that explores a lonely girl’s quest to find happiness and acceptance in a world of family and social media pressures.

Tinja (Siiri Solalinna) is desperate for the approval of her domineering mother (Sophia Heikkilä), who is obsessed with portraying a perfect family on her blog site. One day Tinja finds an abandoned egg in the forest and, needing to fill the emotional void in her life, she takes it home to nurture. As the egg grows in tandem with her mother’s increasing levels of unfulfilled desires, it is evident that this is no ordinary egg. What follows is a gleefully gory, mind-bogglingly twisty journey with underlying metaphors representing repressed emotions, maternal instincts, female puberty, poor parenting and the need for happiness, acceptance and love.

There are a few moments in a child’s development that bring on a sense of immense relief in a parent. When my four-year-old demanded, “I want the chainsaw song!” it took me a while to click what the hell he was talking about. He was in fact referring to the titular track of Lekkerboy, not some weird chainsaw-wielding baby song, which I had initially feared. The child has good taste. It’s a ripper tune and Sticky Fingers have delivered their best album by far. Hopefully I never have to listen to ‘Baby Shark’ again.

WET LEG Wet Leg Label Domino Recording Co. Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  It’s fair to say Wet Leg have a way with words, as exemplified by their name, which evokes all sorts of uncomfortable emotions. “Is your muffin buttered?

Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?” Yes, I would, thank you. I don’t think I’ve been drawn into a new band’s lyrics this much since the Arctic Monkeys came along, which is high praise as Alex Turner is inarguably my favourite lyricist. The relentlessly looping indie-pop guitar and drums do wear thin after a few listens, but in small doses Wet Leg prove a joyful distraction.

Issue 209 June 2022 The Beast 49

Beardy from Hell Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Spend more time with your real friends and less with the fly-by-nighters you always seem to attract.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 As a winter free of COVID restrictions approaches, you’ll realise you were actually better off locked up inside.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Don’t let a few knock-backs get you down. You do tend to make things hard for yourself, but you’ll get there in the end.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Installing the Milkrun app on your phone means you’ll pretty much never need to leave the house again.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 If you don’t start putting your you-know-what to good use soon, it will eventually shrivel up and die.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Looking good in time for next summer basically means starting a gruelling exercise regime right now, so don’t delay.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Invest in the share market, so you can play with your phone all day long and say you’re ‘working’.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 A major lifestyle change could see you earning twice as much as you’re currently making, within a matter of weeks.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Inspecting your toilet paper after every wipe will only make you anxious. Leave some things to chance.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 An old niggling injury will briefly resurface this month and provide yet another flimsy excuse to avoid exercise.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 If it feels like the universe doesn’t want you to do something, it’s probably because it doesn’t, so don’t.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 That little idea of yours has the potential to make you very wealthy, but you won’t do the hard work required to make it a reality.

Star Signs

T HE J U N I ORS A RT C LUB

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. Oliver 2. Sophie 3. Rob 4. Juliet 5. Toto 6. Horizon Church 7. A labour 8. A parliament 9. Tony Hawk 10. Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

Welcomes you to our 57th Anniversary

ART EXHIBITION SOUTH SYDNEY JUNIOR RUGBY LEAGUE CLUB KINGSFORD in the TERRACE ROOM (level 2)

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DATES & TIMES: SATURDAY 11th June 10am to 10pm SUNDAY 12th June 10am to 9pm MONDAY 13th June 10am to 4pm 50 The Beast June 2022 Issue 209

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