The Unreliable Guide To...

Free Alcohol!

Ha! I thought that would get your attention. But what The Unreliable Guide has been thinking about this month is the rising popularity of alcohol-free drinks - proper grown-up drinks like beer, wine and gin - without the alcohol that was originally the whole point. Is it a fad? Are people going mad?

As a Pom with wild Viking and Celtic ancestry, The Unreliable Guide is very fond of getting pissed. But every now and then I think it’s only fair to give the old liver a holiday. Water is great, in its place, but it can get a bit boring after a while and the thought of drinking nothing but milk, cola or lemonade for a month or two frankly depresses. So, inspired by entire sections of alcohol-free beverages in my local bottle shop, I’ve been experimenting. If you too would like a break from the booze but worry you’ll feel like a social pariah, never fear, The Unreliable Guide is here with some tips and tricks on how to get the best alcohol-free buzz.

Cocktail-Mocktail

The Unreliable Guide isn’t a fan of most cocktails (with a few delicious exceptions: Margarita, Sidecar, Espresso martini) because they are sweet, creamy nightmares, custom-designed to give you the worst hangover in the universe. But if you are a fan of these concoctions, then you are in luck. There’s now a huge range of alcohol-free spirits that mimic gin, whisky, vodka, rum and even tequila, so you can sip away without worrying about how you’ll feel the next day (if you find one that makes a boss martini, let me know).

Whine Time

The one drink I’m yet to find successfully produced without alcohol is red wine. And believe me, I’ve tried. Some of these excuses for shiraz are up to ten per cent sugar, and they taste like it. Vile. I’ve come to the conclusion that the core flavour of red wine is actually alcohol, and without that... it’s Ribena. And not in a good way. Please write in and correct me if you’ve found a good red wine, I’ll be forever grateful. White wine seems more forgiving of having its alcohol removed, probably because it’s often sweeter anyway. Having said that, I still haven’t found one I’d drink by preference. Which leaves sparkling wine. And here, to my joy, there are several Prosecco-type drinks that are often more delicious than some of the alcoholic offerings. Brown Brothers in particular do a cracker, Banrock Station has a tasty offering, but there are dozens to choose from. My advice if you like a dry sparkle is to check the sugar content before you buy. Anything under 2.5 per cent and you’re in.

Beer is Best

The surprising winner of my alcohol-free experiments is beer! There are so many great ones now. And because lots of beers are made with hops you still get a nice relaxing feeling after drinking one. There are plenty of brands to choose from, but I can’t get past the Heaps Normal range. They have a beer for every occasion and they are so good I’ve fooled people into thinking they are actually drinking booze.

Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests next time you are the desi driver or are feeling in need of a bit of a detox, you forget all those ghastly kids’ drinks and explore some of these tasty new offerings. Your liver will thank you.