The Beast - November 2023

BEAST The

November 2023

Football is back Men

Men

Men

Men

Victory

Sat 21 Oct 7.45pm

Wanderers

Sat 25 Oct 7.45pm

Glory

Sat 2 Dec 7.45pm

Macarthur

Sat 9 Dec 7.45pm

Western United Men

Women & Men

Sat 23 Dec 5.30pm

phoenix

Fri 29 Dec 5.00pm & 7.45pm

Tickets on sale now

allianzstadium.com.au/events

SUMMER AT YOUR LOCAL

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The Growth of Clinical Studies in Australia A clinical trial is a research study in human (patient and non-patient) volunteers to answer specific health questions. Clinical trials involve the testing of new or existing medicines and/or medical devices or combinations to determine whether they are effective and safe for people to use for a particular disease/condition. The development of new medicines, devices or combinations of, may lead to the treatment or prevention of diseases/conditions and an improved quality of life.

Clinical studies, also known as clinical trials, play a crucial role in advancing medical research and healthcare in Australia, as they do worldwide.

Clinical trials typically progress through several phases: PHASE 1: Initial testing in a small group (usually healthy volunteers) to assess safety to determine a safe dosing range and identify side effects.

PHASE 2: Further testing in a larger group who have the applicable disease, to evaluate effectiveness, right dose and any side effects in treating that disease.

PHASE 3: Large-scale testing to evaluate if the new treatment is safe and effective for a wide variety of people. The trial usually involves assigning participants to the new treatment or a control group (placebo or an existing treatment) to further monitor effectiveness, safety and side effects.

PHASE 4: Post-marketing surveillance once the treatment is approved for widespread use.

Clinical trials are conducted at various research centres, hospitals, and clinics across Australia. These sites are equipped with the necessary facilities and trained medical professionals to conduct trials safely and efficiently.

In Sydney, NSW, Scientia Clinical Research is one of the leading Phase 1 facilities in the country. Based within the Bright Building on the Prince of Wales Hospital campus and immediately adjacent to the last stop of the

new light rail, Scientia Clinical Research has been operating for seven years conducting a range of clinical trials for which they are always recruiting.

Clinical trials in Australia are subject to strict regulations and oversight by various regulatory bodies. The Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA) is responsible for regulating therapeutic goods, including medicines and medical devices, while the National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) provides ethical guidelines and funding support for research.

Ethical review boards, known as Human Research Ethics Committees (HRECs), assess the ethical aspects of clinical trial protocols to ensure participant safety and ethical conduct. Participants for clinical trials are recruited through various means, including doctor referrals, advertisements, and patient advocacy groups. Eligibility criteria are established to ensure that participants meet specific requirements, but typically, if you are a healthy male or female, aged over 18, then you might well be able to volunteer for a clinical study and be paid for your time.

Participants must provide informed consent before joining a clinical trial. They are informed about the purpose of the trial, potential risks and benefits, and their rights as participants.

The benefits of participating in a clinical trial can be quite rewarding including being paid for your time as a volunteer. Participating in a clinical trial can also provide access to cutting-edge treatments that may not yet be available, and all clinical studies contribute to medical knowledge and contribute to improving healthcare for future generations.

If you’re interested in participating in a clinical trial in Australia or want more specific information about ongoing studies, you can consult with your healthcare provider or visit the official websites of organisations like Scientia Clinical Research, at www.scientiaclinicalresearch.com.au or call their Recruitment Team on 1800 727 874.

NEW CLINICAL TRIAL

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Scientia Clinical Research is a stateis abased state-of-the-art research facility in the of-the-art research facility in Prince Wales the Prince of Wales Hospital andof we are Hospital, here in Randwick.

We are looking for volunteers who will be urgently looking for volunteers for current clinical trials. paid to participate in our new clinical trials.

REGISTER NOW

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Welcome Note

Attn: Young Writers Words James Hutton, Publisher Welcome to the November 2023 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s windy beaches of the east. This month’s cool cover illustration comes from Bronte’s Alexandra Ware. You can see more of Alexandra’s work on her website at xelacreativestudio.com or by following @xelacreativestudio on Instagram.

I’ve decided to launch The Beast Young Writers Competition this month. There will be two categories, Short Story and Poetry, and anyone who lives in The Beast’s distribution area and is aged 18 or under is invited to enter. The short stories need to be between 500-600 words and the poems need to be under 300 words. The only rule is that it needs to be an original work (by you, not your mum) with local relevance that hasn’t been entered in any other competition.

The celebrity judges will be Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos, Redham House English Teacher Mr Compton, the wonderful Nat Shepherd from The Unreliable Guide and my mum. If the judges can’t come to a unanimous decision, Mum gets the final call.

To enter the competition, email your short story or poem to james@thebeast.com.au and include your name, age, suburb and phone number. First prize in each category is $150, second prize is $50, third prize is a pat on the back (sorry, next year I’ll have better prizes). Entries close on November 30 and I’ll announce the winners before Christmas. I’ll also publish them in The Beast!

Local puppetmaker Tina Matthews is putting on an exhibition of mobiles and kinetic sculpture at Barometer Gallery in Paddington from 6-8pm on November 1-11. Titled Blow Your Own Trumpet, Tina will be presenting kinetic sculptures constructed from found and

reworked materials that include steel and copper, wood, silk threads, glassine and shellac. For more information, please visit ttinamatthews.com.

Battle of the Beaches is on at the Robin Hood Hotel again this year. This time they are taking over the whole pub on Saturday, November 18 and offering general admission and VIP ticketing, which you can purchase by visiting humanitix.com.

Cheers, James

The Beast

The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 58,000 in mailboxes and 2,000 in shops.

Helping local business and skilled workers with immigration matters for over 15 years.

Brendan Muldoon Reg. Migration Agent # 0742052 39 Gould Street, Bondi Beach Phone: 0404 552 322 brendan@bondimigration.com.au www.bondimigration.com.au 6 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

If you get into trouble in the water, floating is your best chance of survival.

A water safety message from

CONTENTS November 2023 Issue 226 06 Welcome Note 08 Contents 10 Pearls of Wisdom 12 Monthly Mailbag 20 Local Artist 22 Local News 32 Crime News

Spring Surfing, by Bryce Hughes.

34 Local Photos 36 Kieran's Satire 38 Unreliable Guide 40 Headnoise 42 Marj's Musings 44 Fishing Report 45 Tide Chart

46 Dana's Recipe 47 Classifieds 48 Brainteasers 49 Reviews 50 Beardy from Hell 50 Trivia Solutions

Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 9

Pearls of Wisdom

Just pretend to be happy.

The Price of Privilege Words Pearl Bullivant Photo John Thistlewaite If Pearl was the benevolent dictator of the Eastern Suburbs, I would ban perfectionism for a month. I would force upon my loyal subjects a radical change in philosophy - no more weekly washing of the SUV, no obsessive cleaning and tidying of the dream home nor construction of one, no leaf blowers or high pressure washing of concrete (in the pouring rain!) and hothousing of children would be outlawed. For one whole month there would be no botox, lip fillers or PE Nation permitted.

My ears (and those of café employees) would enjoy a break from overhearing alpha males brag about their stock market gains and yummy mummies extolling the virtues of the latest trendy obsession, and all judgement and competition would

cease. The Eastern Suburbs streets would begin to look a bit shabby (rusted cars may even start appearing in laneways overgrown with weeds) but the beauty of the coastline would be omnipresent. In reclaiming their freedom from perfection, my loyal subjects would experience true wellness beyond the pilates studio and Instagram.

That’s what benevolent dictators are for - we know what is best for our people.

Religion may be the opiate of the masses (Baulkham Hills is a great example, if you dare cross Anzac Parade) but perfectionism - along with greed - is the opiate and curse of the Eastern Suburbs. Culturally, perfectionism has morphed into a personality trait that is viewed as a positive quality and

10 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

something to boast about; what value is over-achievement when no one knows about it? But the statement, “I’m a perfectionist,” has Pearl reaching for the vomit bucket. Being a semi-retired accountant, I am accustomed to paying attention to detail and adhering to accuracy and standards, but once I relinquish those spreadsheets, I am happy to return to the imperfections of being Pearl Bullivant, engaging fully in life without the need to be the most diligent, the best, the neatest and most accomplished. But, since the advent of social media, which coincided with post-GFC neo-liberalism, imperfection is equated with mediocrity. Instead, the concept of perfectionism has been willingly embraced by the affluent to the point that it has become a public health issue where we cannot tolerate any blemish or weakness in ourselves, our children, our houses and others. Even our choice of vehicle, holiday, clothing or skincare products is ruled by our obsession with perfection. It has become an adaptive strategy, fuelled by accomplishments, appearances, possessions and ultimately one-upmanship and narcissism.

Unfortunately, the perfectionism curse is not only responsible for anxiety, peer envy and self-indulgent behaviour, but it has become the price of privilege. It comes with huge environmental costs as one strives for the perfect life via consumerism, and it governs our interactions with our children, who have scholastic, artistic and athletic expectations placed upon them as our identity becomes linked to their achievements. People used to yearn the good life but now we seek a perfect life. It’s time we embraced joy and authenticity and surrendered to life’s muckiness. Remember, no one is good enough in a perfect society.

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Monthly Mailbag When I bought it, I wasn't sure about the price being worth it.

However, as petrol prices rise, it will save me money over the longterm. Cars mean rego, insurance, those hefty tolls, petrol, parking fees, parking fines, etc. They’re not cheap. My family has now ruled out becoming a two-car household. It’s four wheels plus two wheels for us.

Words The Good People of the Eastern Beaches An e-bike also can’t take you to the other side of Sydney, or carry a few mates to the pub, so the car Population Overload schooner of Stone and Wood in is still there for me. But for going Someone correct me if I’m wrong, the Sports Bar costs $12 currently to the beach or the local shops, I but I don’t remember anyone at (ludicrous) yet the outside bar in reckon an e-bike is almost as quick the last Federal or State elections the beer garden (in the same ven- as going by car. Maybe even quicksaying, “Vote for me and we’ll in- ue) costs $13.50 - an extra $1.50, er if you count the parking time! crease the immigration numbers just to be outside. Talk about the The cool thing about e-bikes is to half a million with no plan and rising cost of inflation! Why such that you can try before you buy. put massive pressure on infraa difference between the two bars The bike shop I went to has a deal structure and the environment.” when you can just walk between where you can try it out for 24 Now the premier informs us them? There has to be a Royal hours, for just a few bucks. So you that NSW - especially Sydney Commission into this, at great could get a feel for riding some- is going to take the bulk of cost to local ratepayers. Randwick thing you’ve never tried before, or this increase and, furthermore, Council needs to act immediately! even try some different models.

Liverpool and Penrith can’t be exMany regards and cold beers, For those of you, like me, who pected to keep carrying the load, Snag are frustrated by constantly seekso inner Sydney suburbs are going Coogee ing a park, there is another way. I to have to buck up and wear it. still have a car, but the e-bike is a On Yer Bike Just for the record, the popugame changer.

There is a regular issue that pops Owen lation density of both Liverpool and Penrith is 783 and 545 people up over and over again in the Clovelly per square kilometre respectively, Eastern Suburbs: parking. When while the population density of I am driving to the beach - or the How Green Are They Really?

Sydney, Surry Hills, Waverley and shops, or a cafe - it is often frusAs an everyday cyclist, you might Randwick is 12,013, 8,173, 7,500 trating spending ages looking for think that I would be happy to see and 4,000 people per square kilo- a park, like many readers of The such a large number of hire bikes metre respectively, and the servic- Beast. Often another driver takes around the Eastern Suburbs, es and infrastructure are already the space I just spotted, at the found discarded on every scond crumbling under the weight. last moment! Also, it’s stressful corner and collecting at the driving away from home on a hot beaches. However, due to the poor I’m sure the people of Penrith summer’s day knowing there will management systems and lack of and Liverpool no more expected be no street parking left when I or wanted this increase in numregulated control about where they get back due to the flood of people should be left, I believe they do the bers than we did. The politics of coming east. division by pitching one suburb cycling and general community a But I’ve now got an e-bike. against another is the politics of disservice and are really an examAnd I just want to share how it’s scoundrels. ple of a ‘disposable society’. changed things for me. For those Les ODonnell The industry claims that the local trips, I now prefer to hop Randwick bikes are good for the environment on the e-bike. Not having to loop by keeping cars off the road. But around and around looking for a Beer Prices in Coogee, Again this ‘feel good’ argument does not Hello - Looking to feature in The park is absolutely the best aspect. bare close analysis. Do they have I just pull up to a suitable spot, Beast’s monthly mailbag of the any data to back up the claim? kick out the kickstand, flick the great local magazine. Yet again Their data tracking app should be wheel lock closed, take the key I have a gripe with the price of a able to verify if the users actually and I’m walking away. It literally had access to a car as the alternaschooner of beer in Coogee. This time I am taking aim at the faith- takes less than ten seconds. tive but chose the bike instead. ful Coogee Bay Hotel, a staple of Now an e-bike is not perfect.

An industry spokesperson has the Coogee community.

It does need the battery to be said that he would like to have The discrepancy between the recharged. But it is only once a a bike available every 50 metres week for me. The cost is under 20 around Bondi and the CBD. I susSports Bar and the outside bar cents to recharge, I reckon. is a good one to start with. A pect that they have achieved that

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag

12 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

NATIONAL RECYCLING WEEK

FREE EVENTS

FOR BOOKINGS AND MORE INFO

Sat 18 Nov Tours between 9am – 1.35pm Randwick Recycling Centre 72 Perry Street Matraville

FOR MORE INFO

RANDWICK RECYCLING CENTRE TOURS Find out what happens to your recyclables after collection and learn why it’s important to recycle right. Free BBQ and coffee cart (kindly bring your coffee keep cup).

Sat 18 – Sun 19 Nov

GARAGE SALE TRAIL

Various locations nationwide

Australia’s biggest pre-loved treasure hunt with three million items up for grabs at 10,000 garage sales nationally.

Sat 11 – Sun 12 Nov

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Monthly Mailbag goal. The bikes may be convenient for the users, but ‘convenience’ is often just another word for ‘disposable’, i.e. use once then throw away for others to deal with.

The industry does not seem to abide by its own user guidelines.

One example is that users should photograph the location the bike is left in, and after three inappropriate sightings the user is banned from the service. How much of a deterrent this is for a short stay visitor is very debatable.

If the bike is not returned to a designated bike hub then the user should continue to be billed.

This is the only way to make the system function responsibly.

Simon Bartlett Coogee

have photographic evidence). My daughter recently visited us for a family function with her two very young children, who were strapped into child seats in the rear of the car. She decided not to take the risk of getting them out and, as a consequence, decided to park her car 100 metres away in a safer parking spot and was forced to lug her baby equipment in three separate trips.

It is only a matter of time before a fatality occurs and Council will have blood on its hands!

To compound the situation, Waverley Council, in its wisdom, has planted shrubs and a two-metre tree in a garden bed on the corner of Birrell and Brisbane Streets, making exiting Brisbane Street even more dangerous.

Birrell Street Cycle Lanes I am no horticulturist, but Dear Beast - I am writing to shrubs and trees do tend to grow update your readers on the Birrell over time, which will exacerbate Street cycle lanes. the situation.

In the past three weeks there The clowns in Council who are has been at least three motor responsible for these decisions vehicle accidents caused by buses are as useless as sunroofs on subcoming out of Bourke Street and marines, or in this case as useless sideswiping parked cars (yes, I as ashtrays on a bicycle .

Expert Eastern Suburbs property manager Jillian Wills has just joined the team at Wills Property, a boutique real estate agency based in Bondi Junction.

Jillian has managed countless properties in the Eastern Suburbs over a 30-year career, formerly at Wills Brothers.

"Once you've lived in the East you tend to stay in the East. It has everything you need and the locals are great to work with. It's a pleasure to continue doing the job I enjoy, in the area I call home, with family again!" - Jillian The Wills family have been working in property, offering personal client-based service in the Eastern Suburbs since 1934.

PHONE 02 9387 1700 EMAIL jillian@willsproperty.com.au 14 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

We have written to Council and all we have received is ‘crickets’!

On a positive note though, the cycle lanes are gaining traction (no pun intended) and I have witnessed six cyclists in the past eight weeks, two of which were Deliveroo riders and one elderly person on a Zimmer frame. It’s great to see Council spending our rates in a thoughtful manner.

Just be aware readers, there will be more cycle lanes coming your way very soon.

Dale Jones Bondi Junction Disabled Parking Spot Hello James - I really enjoy reading The Beast and have done so for a long time. I feel I have to say something about people who park illegally in a disabled spot that my husband has because he has difficulty with his walking. Any legally disabled person can use it, but many who park in it are not. I have seen young women and young men take the permit off the dashboard and drive away, sometimes they don’t show a permit at all.

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www.willsproperty.com.au

Monthly Mailbag We live near Bronte Beach, which is lovely, but we attract the selfish people who don’t seem to care. It’s a $600 fine and demerit points if caught. Even though I don’t like fines and demerits, if these people got caught they would think twice about parking in a disabled spot.

Chris Bronte

built anything previously?), and (b) people who lived in Coogee were young and active who preferred bicycles to motorised transport so cycle racks would replace the parking spots.

As expected, and despite objections by neighbouring residents, the anticipated alteration was approved, resulting in thousands of dollars extra profit to the developers, unused bicycle racks, not a glimpse of lycra, and drivers on Waltham Street flattening their external rear view mirrors to avoid scraping vehicles parked on each side of the narrow roadway.

John Murray Coogee

been going on for years. As one of those impacted, I’ve found that parking anywhere near my home (a circa 1930s block that is reliant on street parking) has become almost impossible. I’m regularly left without reasonable access to my home and have been forced at times to park up to a kilometre away - I know many others are in the same position.

Randwick Council has yet to Development Matters address the impact to the comDevelopment Applications have a munity caused by 97 Carrington sordid record for being altered in Road’s failure to comply with the favour of developers after initial conditions of its DA approval. The plans promising satisfaction to result is a continued loss of street all have been approved. One of parking amenity and major access many examples of this occurred hassle for the locals. some years back when a single If you’ve also been impacted, DA Faux Pas level house in Waltham Street, FYI here’s the guy at Council Coogee, was demolished to erect a Hi there - In response to ‘Randwho’s in a position to act: block of six units with supposedly wick Development Application Patrick Sullivan Faux Pas’ (Letters, The Beast, Oc- Senior Building & Development adequate off-street parking.

Once the work had commenced tober 2023). Thank you, Margie, Compliance Officer for saying what many of us in the Randwick City Council an application was lodged to neighbourhood are thinking! reduce the number of parking Phone: 02 9093 6798 The closure of 97 Carrington places. The spurious and farcical Email: patrick.sullivan@ reasons given were that (a) conRoad’s multi-storey, 18-space randwick.nsw.gov.au. carpark has caused a massive dis- Sonny struction costs were larger than originally anticipated (hadn't they ruption for local residents and has Coogee

Introducing Del to Bronte Medical Centre!

We are delighted to introduce our new Nurse Practitioner, Del Hayden, who is joining our team at Bronte Medical Centre.

Del is passionate about providing quality and compassionate care to our patients and supporting our doctors and nurses in their daily tasks. Del is also friendly and approachable, and always ready to greet you with a smile!

Call us: 02 9389 4422 Book online: brontemedical.com 16 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

STEP OUT SPEAK OUT Let’s end domestic violence Friday 24 November High Cross Park Randwick

Walk to say no to domestic violence

Find out more

We recommend arriving at 7am for the walk start time at 7.30am at High Cross Park and ending at Grant Reserve, Coogee Beach.

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Monthly Mailbag be paying big dollars for these apartments, they won’t want any kind of noise down below.

It also looks like they are installing a synthetic green! So what, is Easts too cheap to pay for a greenkeeper? Or does it come back to noise minimisation? Like no cylinder mowers or other turf equipment. All to appease the over 55s and to justify what will be an extraordinary price tag.

Anthony Bondi

have observed reduction by over 95 per cent of insects in the building and inside the light fittings.

Our building now does not attract insects and the ‘warm’ lighting has almost eliminated cleaning the light fittings from dead insects.

Privately, for the same reasons, we have been replacing LED lights in our apartment too.

It has been estimated that insect populations globally have been declining at a rate of 0.9 Waverley Bowlo per cent per year, so this can be Have I got this right? There are our contribution to reduce this LED Lights over 55s living above the Wavercatastrophic trend. ley Bowlo? I’m guessing we won’t Please consider replacing all lightPlease investigate this matter be able to drink outside? That’s ing with ‘warm’, 2700-3000°Kel- further, adopt and endorse ‘warm’ vin, lights. It has been proven that LED lighting, and share this what made the old club so great.

Assuming everyone will be herded flying insects are more attracted environment-saving information into some gentrified, soulless at night to white and bluish lights, with all.

Easts Leagues-style club.

5000-6000°K, such as mercury Darius vapour, white incandescent, and Will we also get complaints Bronte ¢ regularly about the chinking of white fluorescent. Therefore, not bowling balls, like what happened installing such lights, or replacing Please send your feedback them with ‘warm’ lights, will stop to a North Shore bowlo? I’d to letters@thebeast.com.au insects being attracted to them. imagine the apartments above and include your name and aren’t affordable housing (no one Over the previous two years, suburb. We try and publish as is building those in the East, deinside our building at Belgrave many of them as possible, but spite a huge international student Street, Bronte, we have replaced all nothing too crazy please. population). The purchasers will light globes with ‘warm’ LED and

My Eyes Are Sore Hi Guys - I reply to the letter from David Boyd, ‘Backpackers Eyesore’ (Letters, The Beast, October 2023), which asks, “Can Waverley Council not put some pressure on the new owners?” Well, someone should put some pressure on Waverley Council to approve my DA! Kind Regards, Bastiano De Bortelli Bondi

18 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

St Catherine’s School welcomes Matildas and Sydney FC superstar Cortnee Vine to the school for a friendly game with students.

Key events in Term 4: BTC Drama Showcase: 4 November BTC Dance Showcase: 11 November P&F Breakfast: 16 November Open Morning: 22 November Speech Day: 6 December

To contact the school or join our email communications list, please email stcaths@stcaths.nsw.edu.au or call 02 8305 6200.

Our Community Consultative Committee is looking for new members.

If you are interested in joining our CCC, which typically meets four times per year, please contact our Independent Chair, Ms. Roberta Ryan at roberta@forward-thinking.net.au.

An Anglican day and boarding school for girls | Kindergarten to Year 12 | Founded in 1856

Local Artist Where do you like to have a drink? I’m not much of a drinker, but I would have to say Eden in Bondi. Their cocktails are incredible and they have the cutest set-up with fairy lights under the vines outside.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The ability to have a blend between city and beach life is so perfect. I haven’t yet found another city in the world that offers this quality of life.

Be yourself, follow your passion.

Local Artist...

Alexandra Ware from Bronte Interview James Hutton Bronte artist Alexandra Ware is the talent behind this month’s cover illustration of Tamarama.

She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

I moved from New Zealand five years ago and landed myself in Bondi for a year, then found the most beautiful spot in Bronte.

Why do you live here? I moved here for the opportunity and the better economy. Jobs pay much better here and I am also a recording artist and musician so it’s much easier to establish yourself, build a network and get gigs. It’s nice being in a different country but still close enough to visit family.

What's your favourite beach?

Probably Milk Beach as it’s so beautiful and secluded, as well as the perfect sunset picnic spot. It was one of the first places I was taken to when I moved here.

What's your favourite eatery?

I would have to say The Coop in Bronte as a cafe, or Bangkok Bites for dinner. I eat there way too much and I sell some of my prints out of The Coop.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? There’s a fairly heavy layer of false superiority or fakeness some people portray with a sense of proving themselves or trying to look or act a certain way. I believe there’s a lot of pressure to be fit, young and beautiful, to standards that are unrealistic.

How would you describe your art? I wouldn’t say this is ‛my style’ of art, as I chose this for commercial purposes, and I liked the modern and sweeping style of doing landscapes similar to vintage posters or artists such as Febin Raj. However, I would call this style bright, optimistic and modern. Becoming proficient in Illustrator and digital art has allowed me to stay mobile and create from anywhere in the world.

Where can people see your work? You can see it on my website (xelacreativestudio.com), Behance (behance.net/xelacreative), or you can buy prints from my Etsy page, Xela Creative Studio (etsy.com/au/shop/XelaCreativeStore). And my Instagram is @xelacreativestudio.

Who are your artistic inspirations? Febin Raj, Ismail Inceoglu, Miriam Escofet, Jeremy Geddes and Malcolm Warr.

What are you working on at the moment? I’m halfway through a Manly piece, as well as looking at doing a Port Douglas set of Daintree, Great Barrier and the beach. I’m also looking at getting back into canvas as I miss the feeling of painting.

20 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? Very early on.

I started painting at about three years old and started selling my art at the age of four.

Any other local artists to look out for? I love the work of Martine Emdur, who established TwentyTwentySix Gallery. She paints the most beautiful depiction of bodies in sparkling water.

Did you study art? I did a Bachelor of Design (Honours) majoring in Digital Design.

This involved game design, visual communication design, animation, character design, motion capture and some fine art papers.

Any words of wisdom for aspiring artists? Being able to utilize online platforms has been massive for me, and learning about ecommerce and other ways to further your designs. Go with your gut by creating what feels good to you and inspires you, not what feels like work. Think about the commercial aspects, like who your target audience is and where you can sell or show your work, and never undersell yourself and your craft.

What do you do for work? I wear many hats. My main income source is selling solar systems.

I have been working part time in energy for twelve years as it’s good money and consistently an industry that thrives. I also run my art business, am a recording artist and topliner, singer, commercial model and actress. Basically anything creative I’m there in some form. I’m also looking into what’s involved to create another ecommerce start-up.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Don’t worry, be happy.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Be yourself, follow your passion. If you are truly passionate about something, money will follow and it won’t feel like work if you love it. We don’t live to work, we work to live, and I think many people forget that.

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www.kensingtonkitchensandbathrooms.com.au Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 21

Local News

Bondi seems to be the epicentre of The Hum.

Nothing Humdrum About The Hum Words Anthony Maguire Photo Dessy Bells A mystery noise that disturbs the sleep of countless Eastern Suburbs residents continues to baffle authorities.

It’s known as ‘The Hum’ and seems to be a particular problem in Bondi. But people are hearing it in numerous other parts of the Eastern Suburbs.

Some say it is having serious impacts on their health.

The noise is only heard at night, possibly due to the lack of other background sounds such as traffic and bird calls.

The Beast has published numerous letters and a previous news story quoting locals who are being bothered by The Hum. This coverage drew the attention of Australia’s top-rated radio presenters Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O, who recently carried a segment about it on their show. The piece was headed ‘The noise that is HAUNTING the Eastern Suburbs.’

Kyle and Jackie O talked to a number of Eastern Suburbs locals, including Caroline from Clovelly, who described the sound as “a low-pitched hum.”

She told how she’d been putting on a white noise track in an effort to get a decent night’s sleep. “It’s been driving me crazy,” she said.

After that segment went to air, The Beast decided to investigate further. Requests were posted on a number of local community Facebook pages asking to hear from residents who were being bothered by The Hum and people who may have some idea of what’s causing it. There were some interesting responses.

Bondi resident Phil Griffiths described a “low swirling/humming noise, normally around 3-4am.” He believed it could be vibrations from tunnelling work being carried out in other parts of Sydney.

22 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Jan Plater, who lives in Sir Thomas Mitchell Road, Bondi Beach, said she has been hearing The Hum for the past few years. She said, “It is so frustrating as you are wondering, what is it, where is it?”

Bondi grandmother Charlotte Kutzner said only a certain proportion of people can actually hear The Hum, “I’m bloody one of them!”

Responses also came in from several people in other suburbs.

“I heard it at 4am this morning,” Rose Bay resident Emily Elizabeth told The Beast, while writer Avril Janks said, “I can hear it in South Coogee.”

Viviane Ribeiro, of Duncan Street, Maroubra, said she was regularly being woken in the early hours by “a hammering noise.”

Numerous people thought The Hum emanated from Port Botany.

“The ships’ engines idle all night and certain atmospheric conditions can make the sound travel,” said John Fazza.

But surely port noise can’t travel all the way to Bondi and beyond?

Bondi sculptor Nikki Poulos said, “In my opinion, it’s the rumblings inside the earth’s crust. I did some research on it and people hear it all over the world.”

When contacted by The Beast, neither the NSW Environment Protection Authority (EPA) nor Waverley Council could explain the source of The Hum. But a spokesperson for Randwick Council, after speaking to Environment Officers, suggested people could be hearing a combination of different mechanical sounds.

“Telecommunications towers, electrical boxes, generators, pumps and other mechanical equipment can all contribute to a low frequency hum,” the spokesperson said.

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Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 23

Local News

Early Morning Beach Dog Walkers Raise Council's Hackles Words Anthony Maguire Photo Kay Nine

Randwick goes Green under Mayor Philipa Veitch.

Randwick’s New Greens Mayor Spells Out the Three ‘C’s Words Anthony Maguire Photo Mark Bond Community, climate and culture. These are the themes new Randwick Mayor Philipa Veitch is focusing on.

In terms of community, she says public housing is a priority and improved communication will be sought with public housing residents. Disability inclusion is also high on the agenda.

“Twenty per cent of our local population lives with a disability and as Mayor I feel obliged to help, whether through services, footpath improvements or online services,” the new mayor told The Beast.

At the Local Government NSW Conference on November 12, Mayor Veitch will make a case for Randwick receiving more disability funding from the New South Wales Government.

As the only Greens mayor in Sydney, she is committed to strategies that will mitigate the onslaughts of climate change.

“Randwick has a target of 40 per cent tree cover by 2040,”

she says. “It’s now 12-14 per cent, so it’s a big job.”

Meanwhile, Mayor Veitch wants to explore ways for everyone in the community - not just stand-alone house owners - to access renewable energy resources like solar panels.

And she wants to see preparations for the numerous emergencies that are being triggered by the climate crisis.

“Pretty much all of NSW’s 128 LGAs have been affected by climate-related disasters over the past twelve months, so we have to ensure that everyone in our community can get help.”

Last but not least, the creative spirits in our community need nurturing. A visual artist and teacher by profession, Mayor Veitch says she wants to “provide more opportunities for live music, First Nations arts and culture, and spaces for visual and performing arts.”

Mayor Veitch will serve as mayor until the September 2024 local government elections.

24 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Attention dog owners who exercise their pets on Bondi Beach in the early morning - you’re on the radar of Waverley Council.

Councillors Leon Goltsman and Tony Kay recently raised the issue at a full meeting of Council. They moved a motion calling for action, saying there had been “numerous complaints regarding the increasing presence of dogs on Bondi Beach during early morning hours.”

The meeting agreed that Council would install new signage and update its website “to better reflect responsible dog ownership, specifically for dogs in prohibited areas such as the beaches.”

Councillors also gave the go-ahead to rangers conducting education activities at the beach and other locations to reinforce the responsible dog ownership message.

Under the NSW Companion Animals Act, there is a $330 fine for having dogs in prohibited areas like Bondi Beach.

This penalty is set by the State Government.

Early morning ranger patrols of the beach take place from 6-8am. These hours may be extended if the situation does not improve.

That'll be $330 thanks.

Come along to your local Resident Precinct Meeting Precincts are meetings of residents who get together regularly to discuss local matters or issues of concern in their neighbourhood. Waverley is split into 13 Precincts and meetings are open to any person living within the Precinct boundaries.

This November, the following meetings are on: Bondi – Wednesday 1 November, 7 – 9pm Dover Heights – Monday 13 November, 7 – 9pm Vaucluse/ Diamond Bay – Thursday 16 November, 7 – 9pm South Bondi/ Tamarama – Wednesday 22 November, 7 – 8.30pm Queens Park - Wednesday 22 November, 7 – 8.30pm Mill Hill/ Bondi Junction – Monday 27 November, 6.30 – 8pm Charing Cross – Wednesday 29 November, 7 – 9pm

Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/precinct to find out location of the above meetings closer to the date.

Not sure which Precinct you belong to?

Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/findyourprecinct

Waverley Council proudly supports resident run Precinct meetings.

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Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 25

Local News

Extending a helping hand.

Supporting Randwick’s Homeless Words Anthony Maguire Photo Al Fresco Randwick City Council is coming to the rescue of local homeless people who get caught outdoors in extreme weather conditions.

Councillors approved a resolution by outgoing Mayor Dylan Parker that Council “supports

the development of uniform local emergency response plans in extreme weather events for people experiencing homelessness.”

Discussions will now be held with the State and Federal Governments to draw up protocols for a coordinated response to assist people sleeping rough during adverse conditions.

In addition, Council will study systems put in place by the South Australian Government, which has defined specific weather thresholds that trigger emergency accommodation help for people without a roof over their heads. When there is a heatwave, the South Australian Government will assist with accommodation if the average daily temperature is above 32°C for three consecutive days. It also helps out during cold snaps when average night-time temperatures drop below 5°C. Randwick Council’s initiative was welcomed by Lieutenant Kevin Williams of the Salvation Army in Maroubra.

“We deal with people who are sleeping in parks and at the beach. Helping them into temporary accommodation in extreme weather conditions is a great idea. But accommodation assistance shouldn’t be dependent on the weather. The aim should be to help them transition to permanent housing,” he explained.

It might come as a surprise to many people, but it is not technically illegal to sleep rough in parks, streets and other public places in New South Wales.

However, back in 2017 the Berejiklian Government controversially introduced ‘move on’ laws enabling police to give rough sleepers their marching orders if they are deemed to be hindering the enjoyment of others.

Randwick Council has a page listing all the current services for local homeless people on its website at www.randwick. nsw.gov.au/community/randwick-city/community-support/ housing-assistance-and-homelessness.

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26 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

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Local News

Wheels in Motion for Skatepark Upgrade Words Anthony Maguire

Liam Burns and Marjorie O’Neill outside Randwick Girls' High School.

Randwick High Schools Amalgamation Receives 'Overwhelming Support' Words and Photo Anthony Maguire Big news on the local education front - Randwick Girls’ and Boys’ High Schools are being amalgamated and getting a $42 million makeover.

The initiative was welcomed

by Coogee MP Dr Marjorie O’Neill, who said the decision followed extensive consultations with the community.

“There is overwhelming support for this and students will benefit from a substantially broader curriculum,” she told The Beast.

“Further consultations will take place to create a new name, but at this stage the most popular suggestion is to simply call the new institution Randwick High School. The plan is to have junior and senior campuses.”

The adjoining schools, on Avoca Street, Randwick, were built in the 1970s. Calls for the merger into a single comprehensive school have grown louder in recent years and many see the buildings as no longer fit for purpose.

“There are problems with concrete cancer, lighting and

ventilation that urgently need rectification and these will be addressed under the amalgamation,” Dr O’Neill said.

Building work is scheduled to commence over the upcoming summer break and the combined school is due to begin operations in 2025.

Some people in the local schools community are unhappy about the amalgamation. A petition headed ‘Save Randwick Girls’ is active on change.org but had only attracted 58 signatures as The Beast was going to press.

“Single-sex public education is of the utmost importance and provides a unique and empowering learning environment for our girls,” say the petition organisers.

But most see single-sex schools as a relic of the past.

“No one should be segregated based on gender, nor taught to think this way,” said Liam Burns, a co-convenor of the Eastern Suburbs P&C Alliance.

“We’re delighted by the news that our local state high school will no longer exclude anybody.”

28 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Tentative plans to upgrade Bondi Skatepark have been welcomed by the skating community.

The skatepark started in 1991 with two ramps. In 2004 the present facility, consisting of a bowl plus shallower area for beginners, was opened. Lifelong Bondi local Joseph Hall, now 27, was there on opening day.

“Starting from scratch with an all-new skatepark would be cool, but it’s not really necessary,” Mr Hall said. “The thing to do would be utilise the flat ground below the skatepark - street skaters like to have flat areas where they can perform tricks.”

Mr Hall’s views on flat ground were echoed by Olympic skater Poppy Starr, 23, who started using the skatepark at the age of eight. Speaking from Italy, where she was in training for the world championships, she said, “If it gets redeveloped, it should have a street section. An area with ramps and fun things for the kids would be good too. The bowl should be retained because it’s iconic.”

A report tabled at the September meeting of Waverley Council stated that the skatepark is “reaching the end of its serviceable lifespan” and that redevelopment of the site needs to be looked at. Councillors unanimously agreed on a motion calling for a reappraisal of upgrade costings set out in a 2016 feasibility study.

Mayor Paula Masselos told The Beast, “We’ve identified that the skatepark should be upgraded in the future, and we are seeking external advice on the expected present-day cost of redevelopment to ensure funding is set aside in Council’s Long Term Financial Plan.

“In the meantime, Council will continue to manage and repair the skatepark as required to ensure a safe and skateable facility is provided for the skating community.”

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WORK - WALK - JOG - RUN 201 Clovelly Rd, Randwick runnersshop.com.au 9315 87 11 Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 29

Local News

Last year's finalists.

Recognising Our Best (and Brightest) Businesses Words Anthony Maguire Photo Candice Epthorp High-achieving businesses in the Waverley local government area will be honoured at Bondi Pavilion on Monday, November 13, as part of Waverley Council’s Brightest & Best Business Awards. The owners of twelve

local businesses will take to the stage to be congratulated

by Mayor Paula Masselos, and they’ll be getting more than a handshake.

Sponsors have donated goods and in-kind services for a prize pool that includes a $2,000 advertising campaign on Eastside Radio, twelve surfing lessons worth $2,400 from Lets Go Surfing, three nights accommodation at The Blue Hotel and four tickets to a Roosters game.

More than 250 businesses entered the awards this year.

Waverley Council recently announced the 62 finalists, who then get a visit or call from a Council-appointed ‘mystery shopper’ who rates them on various criteria including marketing and communications, community engagement and innovation.

After that, award winners are selected by a panel of Council, business and community representatives.

There are twelve categories of awards covering the main

retail sectors like hospitality, beauty and health, along with professional services, fitness and creative industries. Other categories include childcare, entrepreneurial innovation, environmental sustainability and best new business.

A number of finalists, like Sweetheart Florist and Lets Go Surfing, are previous winners, hoping to ride another heady wave of recognition and a boost in business. But most are newbies to the Brightest & Best Business Awards.

Mayor Masselos said this year’s finalists exemplified Waverley’s entrepreneurial spirit and contribution to the area’s thriving local economy.

“They demonstrate incredible resilience, adaptability and creativity, and we are proud to showcase their excellence at a local government level through these awards.”

Congratulations to all of this year’s finalists - you’re officially the best (and brightest)!

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30 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

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Professional Healthcare & Medical

Professional & Other Services

Aim 4 Health Chiropractic Bondi Grass & Wellness Centre Business Tax & Money House Bondi Dental Mint Plumbing & Relining Bondi Family Dentist Kids Spot Speech Pathology Proximity Plumbing The Strategy Group The TARA Clinic Women in Focus Physiotherapy & Health

Digital & Online Ajust Belfi Matchboard Music Health Rugabub

Fitness & Wellbeing Bondi Vixen Diamond Bay Bowling Club iFit Bondi Immersia Freediving Lets Go Surfing Live Well Health & Fitness Studio

Childcare & Education Baby Ballet Academy Bondi Kids Drama First Education Bondi Le Petit Prince French Family Day Care Play Studio Kids Set for School

Entrepreneurial Innovation

Beauty Services

Ajust Believe Advertising & PR Contour Cube Dani Tattoo Fairy Hands Kaboo Studio

AC FLO Blow Bar Co Sage Beauty Smooth Beauty & Styling The Facial Room

Hospitality Bellagio Cafe Brown Sugar Bondi Gertrude & Alice Cafe Bookstore Milk & Honey Picnics Savta Cafe & Restaurant Yes You Can Drinks

Best New Business Bondi Observer Fayshell Clinic Kaboo Studio Makaveli Bondi Nourish Organic Marketplace

Sponsors

Creative Business 100 Percent Dance Believe Advertising & PR Focus on Forbes Media Kaboo Studio Kwik Kopy Bondi Junction Play Studio Kids

Environmental Sustainability Lemon Spring Eco Clean Sage Beauty The Very Good Bra

General Retail Bondi Bike Shop Corkscrew Cellars Vaucluse Premio Trophies & Awards Sweetheart Florist

Crime News

The alleged concealer.

Crime News Words Gary Larson Photo Facebook Estate Agent Allegedly Passenger in Fatal Street Race Bondi real estate agent Raquel Borg is said to have been a passenger in a car which ‘won’ a street race where the other vehicle crashed, claiming the lives of two children.

Borg has been charged with concealing a serious indictable offence after she and the vehicle’s driver, Western Sydney man Adam Yurun, were tracked down by police a month after the tragedy.

It is alleged Borg was in the passenger seat of Yurun’s Audi A4 as he raced a Suburu Impreza on The Grand Parade in Monterey. The Subaru is said to have been travelling at over 130km/h as it veered onto the wrong side of the road and smashed into a tree. Two brothers, aged 9 and 10, sustained fatal injuries. The male driver and another child survived.

Police say the Audi drove off without stopping to help.

New Coroners Inquiry Into Death of Eastern Suburbs Escort There’s hope that a three decades old murder mystery could be solved as evidence is gathered for a fresh inquest into the death of Revelle Balmain.

Ms Balmain, 22, of Bellevue Hill, was working as a call girl when she disappeared on the night of November 5, 1994, after seeing a client in Kingsford.

Her bag, keys, shoes and other belongings were found strewn in nearby streets.

An inquest in 1999 failed to throw much light on the case, other than to conclude she was murdered. But after the posting of a $1 million reward by the NSW Government in 2021, new evidence has emerged. It relates to another, later appointment Ms Balmain was due to keep in Bondi at the Swiss Grand Hotel the night she went missing.

Ms Balmain worked for an escort agency called Select Companions. The fresh evidence unearthed by police cold case investigators centres on the agency’s co-owner, Zoran Stanojevic, and one of his friends.

The new inquest will be heard in February 2024 and anyone with information is urged to call Crimestoppers on 1800 333 000.

Doctor Allegedly Recorded Intimate Images A local doctor has been accused of secretly recording intimate images of ten people.

Randwick resident Nicholas Chu, 26, faces a string of charges for allegedly recording intimate images without consent. He is also charged with two counts of producing child abuse material.

The offences are said to have occurred in Randwick and a hospital in Central West New South Wales. After spending five days in the clink, Chu is out on $500,000 bail, put up by his father. He has been banned from working as a doctor or in any other clinical position. And he’ll be back behind bars if he takes pictures of another person for any reason whatsoever.

32 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Two Men Charged Over Gangster Murder Police have charged two men with the murder of underworld figure Alen Moradian in Bondi Junction on June 26.

They are alleged to have organised the killing, while two others, still at large, were the hitmen who ambushed Moradian in the carpark of a Spring Street apartment block.

He died in a hail of bullets after getting into his car for a trip to the gym.

Alcohol-Fuelled Crashes A car recently ended up on the footpath just metres from the main corner entrance to the Coogee Bay Hotel following a two-vehicle prang. Police say the 30-year-old male driver was almost twice the legal alcohol limit. Thankfully no one was injured in the 9.30pm accident.

But a young woman who was a passenger in another car that crashed in Bondi a few hours later wasn’t so lucky.

The 18-year-old woman was seriously injured when a car slammed into a parked camper trailer on Murriverie Road, North Bondi. She was rushed to hospital and the uninjured driver, aged 21, was arrested by police. He is alleged to have been three times over the legal limit. Don’t drink and drive!

Watch Out for Beach Thieves Summer is the peak season for beach thefts. Trusting swimmers have had valuables stolen on the sand while they were in the water. You can store items of value in lockers at Bondi, Coogee and Maroubra.

Some people bury waterproof bags containing valuables such as keys and jewelry in the sand - just make sure you know exactly where you buried it, otherwise you could be engaging in a major excavation after you exit the water!

Subject Dunningham Delight Location Coogee Photographer Adam Piner

Subject Look Into My Eyes Location Randwick Photographer Katya Valentine

Subject Waiting to Compete Location Coogee Photographer Claudia Lovett

Subject Foamie Heaven Location Bondi Photographer William Solomon @willarcombe

Subject Eye in the Sky Location Bondi Photographer William Solomon @willarcombe

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Super Moon Location Maroubra Photographer Glenn Busuttil @glennbusuttilphotos

Subject Cheeky Location Bondi Photographer Nadine Blue

Subject Roller Girl Location Bondi Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Rinse Cycle Location Maroubra Photographer Bryce Hughes

Subject Amen Location Bronte Photographer Jean McPeak

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Kieran's Satire

Foxes are now permitted on all local beaches.

Australia’s Newest Wildlife Sanctuary Words Kieran Blake, kieranblakewriter.org Photo Jamie Foxx Multiple introduced animals are now officially listed as native species due to their prevalence in the Eastern Suburbs and their acceptance among locals.

Abundant cats and dogs, and even feral pests such as rabbits and foxes, now enjoy more protection than many native species in the newly-created Eastern Suburbs Feral Animal and Pet Protection Zone (ESFAPPZ) “Eastern Suburbs residents are animal lovers,” announced a spokesperson for Introduced Species Idolisation Society (ISIS), the marketing consultants behind the decision.

“The establishment of ESFAPPZ recognises the decades

of unwavering commitment to the protection of the species which were added to the list.”

Community Facebook pages mythologise the fox slinking around Clovelly most evenings, as well as the rabbits who have found a home with ocean views around Burrows Park. In addition, it is well known, and even well documented in this publication, how much residents of the East worship their dogs and cats.

Rebranding these and other species as native, and even allowing the animals to self-identify as native, enabled authorities to afford them protection into eternity despite the damage they inflict upon our delicate ecology.

36 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

In a land with the highest rate of native mammal extinction in the world, residents proudly welcomed the decision as a victory for the animals and as recognition for their endless devotion to the cause.

“Ignoring expert scientific advice to run our dogs at Mackenzies Bay and the Clovelly rock pools has been vindicated,” declared one Facebook user.

“Vandalising dog signs throughout the region and verbally abusing council rangers has finally paid off,” celebrated another. “So has empathising with our neighbours on social media whenever we hear of their cute little kitty returning home after a week of killing native animals.”

Another nameless account ridiculed critics of ESFAPPZ who call for greater funding and programs for native animals.

“One has to laugh,” they wrote.

“Some poor soul even wrote an article to local media asking for donations for a wombat conservation project in the Blue Mountains. Darling, why would anyone in the East care about animals living so far west of Anzac Parade?”

Local restaurateurs also welcomed the news.

“Wild cuisine is trending both domestically and internationally, so the rebranding is a god-send for chefs seeking new markets in the post-COVID era.

We can now happily serve rabbit and fox for both mains and entrees, and are even experimenting with plates featuring pet dogs and cats.”

Diners can expect myna hors d’oeuvre to precede cat with native stuffing and a new brand of hot dog.

“This new wildlife corridor has created so many new culinary treats; who knows what you’ll take home in your doggy bag?!”

Waverley Council Update Mayor's Message

Free digitisation service Waverley Library has become the first library in NSW to offer a digitisation service. Free of charge, library members can book a slot anytime during library hours to create digital versions of film negatives, 35mm slides, Hi8 tapes, VHS tapes, and photographs using our self-serve station.

Commercial digitisation is quite expensive, and therefore unaffordable for many people, so we are delighted to offer this service to help our community members bring memories back to life in a format that is compatible with contemporary lifestyles. To book a session, please call Waverley Library on 9083 8733. Allow for about a minute per item for photographs and negatives. VHS tapes will need to be played all the way through in real time.

Sculpture by the Sea

Baby Health Clinic

Sculpture by the Sea returns to our own Bondi to Tamarama walk from 20 October until 6 November. It’s great to be able to celebrate the 25th exhibition this year with a stellar lineup of works, including from artists such as acclaimed Chinese artist Chen Wen ling, and regular exhibitors Philip Spelman and Ron Gomboc, Lucy Barker and Ayako Saito. Importantly, the event continues support for Ukrainian artists, with Nazar Bilyk making his debut in 2023.

Sculpture by the Sea is supporting emerging talent with 34 first time exhibitors this year.

Great news for our local families! The newly upgraded and expanded Wairoa Baby Health Clinic at Bondi Beach has now reopened and has been designed to ensure people in the area can access the support they need in a safe and welcoming environment.

Parents and children will be able to access free, high quality from a single, centralised location. This upgrade has been proudly delivered by a partnership between South Eastern Sydney Local Health District and Waverley Council.

Our coastline is the perfect backdrop for the stunning works of art you can see this year, and we’re expecting around 500,000 people to attend, so please take public transport to the event. Traffic will be heavier than usual on roads approaching Bondi and several road closures will be in place during the 18day event, so allow plenty of extra travel time. For event details, visit sculpturebythesea.com and for real-time updates on traffic conditions, visit livetraffic.com.

Did you know that even when a battery is ‘dead’, the hazardous chemicals stored within it can cause a spark and lead to fires? Council staff were reminded of this recently when a garbage truck being driven through Bondi caught fire due to a disposed battery being crushed in the truck's compactor. Batteries don’t belong in the bin, so please drop them off at a designated collection site. Visit bcycle.com.au to find your nearest drop-off location.

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe

Battery disposal

Paula Masselos Mayor of Waverley

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The Unreliable Guide

Nat penning her first instalment of The Unreliable Guide.

The Unreliable Guide to...

Writing Fiction Words Nat Shepherd Photo Jane Austen I won my first writing competition when I was 11. It was a nationwide, UK competition for writers under 18. My prize was a shiny blue typewriter and the feeling that finally, after years of wondering, I knew what I was good at. While writing comes naturally to some people, all writers need a hand from time to time. Behind every good writer is a good editor (thanks James!) and a knowledge of what works and doesn’t work when you’re trying to get your ideas into your reader’s mind. There are lots of online guides, courses and rules for fiction writing, but I’ll give you a little taste of what works for me. Here are some tips and tricks to help you write your prize-winning story.

Character First Most readers connect to a character; that’s what keeps them turning the pages and reading on. But how do you create a person out of nowhere? Here’s a few tricks I use to help writing students find their protagonist (main character). First of all,

choose a gender. In our binary world, that will shape a lot of your character’s experiences.

Note that writing from experience is safest if you’re a beginner - it can be hard to accurately get the ‘voice’ of an 80-year-old man if you’re a 15-year-old girl, and vice-versa. With that in mind, now decide what age you’d like your character to be - child, teen, young adult, adult, middle aged, elderly? Again, choose an age you understand so that you write something believable. The next thing to do is decide where your character is in space and time.

Are they here, now, or in 15th century Paris? Or a 23rd century Martian colony? And why are they there - were they born there, did they travel there, were they taken there by force? Once you’ve decided on that you can start to wonder what your character might want or need. Do they long to travel the world, discover a long-kept family secret, find love, escape? Maybe they want to save the world? Once you know your character, you may find that the plot develops itself.

38 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Plot First But you don’t have to start by creating a character. If you’ve got an interesting idea (for example, my book, Bone Rites, came from a dream I had about a skeleton whose bones were from all different people) you can work backwards from that notion.

Consider who was involved, why they did what they did, where it happened, when it happened and what will happen next. And remember, you don’t have to start your story at the beginning; you can start in the middle, or even at the end and work back.

Time doesn’t have to be linear in a story.

Short vs Long Fiction A novel of 85,000 words is obviously a very different space to a flash fiction of 600 words maximum. In short fiction, you still need to connect to your reader with observant details, well-developed character(s) and a plot hook, but seeing that you won’t have much time to develop these ideas, you really need to cut to the chase. The most effective short fiction usually restricts itself to a specific moment in time, a specific character, one core desire. You have to make every sentence count - in fact, every word should be pulling its weight. Grab us with an intriguing title. Start with an engaging first line and leave us with a punchy last line. Give us a vivid image to pull us into your story. Most importantly, be clear about what you are trying to communicate - why are you writing the story? What’s the purpose of it? Why should I read it? And remember, even though your story is short, it still needs a beginning, a middle and an end.

You have to take us somewhere.

Stuff needs to happen - even if only in your character’s head.

Finally… the best fiction - long or short - creates surprise. It makes us think, reflect and wonder. So, what are you waiting for? Give it a go - surprise us!

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Randwick Mayor Philipa Veitch

Hello everyone!

I’m thrilled to be the new Mayor of Randwick City. I’ve been a Greens Councillor for the West Ward in Randwick since 2017 and I’m committed to being a strong and effective advocate for our City, our community and our environment.

As Mayor, I’m looking forward to working more closely with our hard-working community groups and championing them at a local level. I’m a passionate advocate for social justice, and I want to ensure that all our residents get the support they need to fully participate in the life of our city.

What’s On TUE 7 NOV MALABAR HISTORY BOOK CLUB Malabar Community Library 10am – 11am

WED 15 NOV CULT CLASSIC BOOK CLUB Lionel Bowen Library 6.30pm – 7.30pm

My family and I have lived in Randwick City since 2004 and we love it here. I’m an artist and a life-long supporter of the arts. I want to provide more opportunities for live music, First Nations arts and culture, and spaces for visual and performing arts in Randwick. Art and culture is an important part of all thriving communities.

WED 15 NOV AN EVENING WITH ALAN WHITICKER

Climate change is an existential challenge we can’t afford to ignore. I remain committed to taking real action on climate change, protecting our beautiful beaches and wildlife, and increasing our tree canopy and green space.

The Bayview Gallery La Perouse Museum Museum opening hours

I’m looking forward to spending more time out in the community as Mayor in the coming year. If you see me around, come and say hi. I’d love to meet you.

Lionel Bowen Library Library opening hours

Councillor Philipa Veitch Mayor of Randwick

Margaret Martin Library 6.30pm – 7.30pm

NOW – 28 JAN HAPPY VALLEY BY MAO ZHAO

CLOSES 30 NOV PATRICIA’S ROOM EXHIBITION

SUN 3 DEC BEST GIFT MARKET

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Headnoise

Everyone needs ice cream.

Needs Versus Wants Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Louis Ferdinand Jungius The October long weekend was certainly hot, a real burst of solar energy dishing up an early serve of what to expect in the months ahead. The beach was an obvious choice for seeking some relief, and I did indulge, and another popular place to get some respite from the sun was one of the many ice cream joints that Bondi has to offer. On the way home, my attention was drawn to the long line that had developed at one ice creamery in particular. The queue was huge, and it didn’t seem to be getting any smaller. As a self-professed ‘semi-sigma’, I admit there’s nothing worse than queueing up for something, no matter how good that something might be, but I was interested to know why and how the line had developed.

As far as I could tell, the queue had stagnated because of choice - there were at least twenty-plus flavours to choose from. If you wanted to break away from the more traditional flavours, you could try plenty of others - all of them perhaps - and that seemed to be a popular choice.

Buying an ice cream should invoke fun and happiness, but it seemed all this place was serving up was stress and low level anxiety. People were having trouble deciding which flavour to choose and the FOMO flag was flying high. It was a classic case of what

is known as ‘analysis paralysis’ where it is difficult to make a decision or choice when there isn’t a clear or correct choice to make.

Analysis paralysis doesn’t just stop at the ice cream counter, it can happen anywhere and in all facets of life. It can paralyse both individuals or groups alike, pushing us to overanalyse or overthink a situation where decision-making is needed to help promote a solution or a course of action in a given timeframe. The concept of ‘choice’ is a common theme when looking into outcomes with mental health, but it’s not often thought about when we are spoiled with choice and find it difficult to actually make a decision.

This paradox of choice has been analysed and graphed showing that happiness peaks when there are fewer choices; the more choices we have, the more happiness starts to fall away. By applying this graph to things like dating apps, careers, buying a car, education, health, clothing or even what to eat or which brand of toothpaste to use, you can start to get a feel of how this graph works. Indeed, it may seem like First World problems, but if it’s in your world then it can be quite crippling.

When we are spoilt for choice it’s easy to overlook the balance between needs and wants. What

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we need should trump what we want. Of course, it’s okay to want something, and striving towards that goal can be a good thing, but if within that process we put our needs aside then we can soon find ourselves in quicksand. If we are presented with a variety of options and can’t decide what to do, it’s not uncommon that no decision gets made at all. Or, if we do finally choose something, choice overload can reduce our ability to make a good decision or enjoy that decision, or even make us regret what we have actually decided upon.

Money versus happiness shows a similar trajectory. More money can bring happiness, but only to a point. Just like the analysis paralysis graph, it too tapers away despite having the money to buy and do what we want. Does driving that Range Rover really bring us joy when all we really need it for is to get from point A to point B. If one is seeking true happiness, or indeed relief from being paralysed by choice, perhaps we can familiarise ourselves with the ancient Greek philosophy of Epicurus, who posited we divide our needs into three categories in this order; a) what is natural and necessary, i.e. food, friends, freedom; b) what is natural and unnecessary, i.e. big house, fast car, nanny, and; c) what is neither natural nor necessary, i.e. fame and power.

At the end of the day, wanting can leave us, well, wanting. Deciding to do or get something out of need can be quite liberating.

So, next time you decide to get ice cream either from the supermarket or otherwise, try vanilla, maybe chocolate or, at a pinch, strawberry, and leave it at that.

If you really want all three, get Neapolitan.

Jeremy Ireland is a local psychotherapist. Have you got a question? You can get in touch with Jeremy by calling 0400 420 042.

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Marjorie's Musings

Tent City.

Tips and Tricks for a Fun-Filled Summer Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Jean McPeak Right now, in spring, is the perfect time to prepare for a fun-filled, environmentally friendly and a cost-minimised summer. There are lots of incentives for us to get planning, with predictions of a very hot summer ahead, high energy costs (including petrol) and a climate that is begging for us to just stop using and wasting so many resources. I am continuously being told by locals that we would all benefit from just slowing down a bit. I am sure they are correct, although it can be difficult to achieve. So, let’s have a go at trying to plan for a better summer for all of us and beyond.

We are very lucky here because we get to enjoy the best free source of leisure, entertainment and sport in the world, right on our doorstep the beaches! Our parks are pretty amazing too, especially when we can walk there or use public transport. We can support our local cafes or bring our refreshments with us in reusable containers.

We can slip, slop, slap or choose to rise early and enjoy the breathtaking beauty of our coast before the crowds arrive, then resort to the shade of our dwellings for the hottest part of the day. How about working, reading or just relaxing indoors during the day, and then heading out for a beautiful sunset, perhaps combined with a swim. Don’t forget the free showers at the beach.

Planning our summer activities is not difficult.

We have lots of time to get organised with Christmas gifts that can support our vision, such as reusable food and drink containers, UV protection hats and creams, and even an Opal card with some money on it for that bus up the hill after a dip at the beach. Get to those charity shops and aim to give summer clothing a second lease on life, and other recycled goodies that could be utilised at a picnic or sporting activity.

42 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

Turning to our homes, there is so much we can be doing now to prepare for summer and even have some fun along the way. Reducing water consumption and waste is important and starts with sorting out leaking taps, reducing the length of our showers and even washing less - I’m sure you have heard about the benefits of showering with a friend! Going for a long (free) swim with a short public shower to follow is also a great option. Get the plastic bucket ready in the shower, have containers strategically placed outside to save some summer rain for the dry day to follow or, if you can afford it, install a water tank or two.

If you’ve got a pool, covering it to reduce evaporation is a way to save water.

The obligatory spring clean is also a good opportunity to plan for ways to keep our homes cooler and reduce energy consumption. Check that you can close the windows and doors properly and consider installing insulated window coverings to block hot air from entering. It’s not too late to consider planting a tree or bush that might offer some shade, either to a human or some other form of life.

It’s also a great time to get some edible gardening underway. Collect some seeds from your next bunch of herbs, dry them out and plant them somewhere. A small pot in the kitchen or bathroom is a great source of enjoyment, or along the fence of your apartment block or a secret little spot in a public space. I am so lucky to have parsley growing wild out of a mound of green cuttings in the yard, and I feel fulfilled knowing I can always access something free and fresh to add a bit of variety to my meals.

Of course, there are so many other things that we can be doing to plan for a fun-filled and sustainable summer. I will be spending a lot of time at Clovelly Beach, where my mother and her siblings and cousins were taught to swim by Tom Caddy, and where I have been a volunteer lifesaver for some years. I’ll be wearing a hat and a lot of skin protection. If you are there and new to the beach, please take care and don’t let the calm water trick you. When that southerly blows in, or the Christmas king tides hit the little beach and inlet, it can be very difficult to navigate. My tip is that if you are in doubt, please don’t swim, particularly if the beach is not patrolled. You can always spot a local at Cloey; they are the ones sitting on the steps with their towels and bags far removed from any rogue wave that may breach the concrete!

I would love to hear your tips for preparing to enjoy a fun-filled, affordable and environmentally friendly summer. Send me your ideas and I’ll share some in my regular newsletter.

Fishing Report

Ethan with an 86cm mud marlin caught on labrador live bait.

Chasing 'Yellas' in the Bush Words and Photo Lewis Kennedy-Hunt It’s not too often that a fishing trip begins by hitching the boat up and pointing the car due west in the complete opposite direction to the coast. But that’s exactly what my loyal fishing counterpart Ethan and I did on our recent mission chasing freshwater natives. However, in true fishing trip fashion, things didn’t turn out exactly the way we had envisioned.

For the past few years, a springtime trip to Lake Windermere has been tentatively penciled in to our fishing calendar, but as is the case sometimes, life seemed to always get in the way of our plans. This year, with a few whispers of good fishing whetting our appetites, we decided to pull the trigger and make the trip inland to chase the giant yellowbelly that the inland impoundment is famous for. For many freshwater fishos this time of year means one thing, and that is the springtime yellowbelly bite. This is the time when the cool winter waters begin to warm and the fish start to push up to the warmer edges to feed. A combination of timing and technique ultimately culminates in

some of the most red-hot fishing there is to offer in the fresh - at least that’s what they say.

Keen as mustard, we both cracked a beer as we launched the boat from the bank on a beautiful spring afternoon, excited to embark on a fishing session in some new water. After casting for a few hours, the glass calm lake suddenly blew up and we were left thumping through chop to get between spots, desperate to crack that first fish of the trip. We had been advised to fish the sunlit edges in around five metres of water and to hit a variety of spots before we would find them. It all sounded simple enough. We soon explored up a finger of the dam into some farmland where I set the hooks into something heavy that began making some skittish runs over the muddy bottom. With the net at the ready and both of our heads cocked over the side of the boat, we stood with anticipation, ready to lay eyes on the first fish of the trip. But, sure enough, a big slob of black came up and we ended up netting a dirty old catfish, possibly the least desirable species in the lake.

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The following day we rolled out of our swags at the crack of dawn to a crisp and clear morning with not a ripple on the fog-covered lake. A quick bacon, eggs and coffee over the fire and we were back on the water, more eager than ever to get some fish on the board. The first spot we hit was a grassy point where, to our surprise, we nearly drifted right into a suspending yellowbelly! The fish was a classic Windermere model, around 50cm-plus, sitting just below the surface soaking up the morning sun. Ethan rolled a lure straight by the fish’s gob, only for it to arrogantly turn its nose up at the presentation.

We noticed the sounder reading a water temperature of only 14.5 degrees - a few degrees less than the desirable 16 degrees rumoured to trigger the spring bite.

As we drifted further down the point, Ethan suddenly hooked up, the dramatic bend in his rod indicating something sizey.

After fighting the fish for some minutes I began to think that his quarry seemed to be too big to be a yella. The fish towed the boat around for a few more minutes before revealing its identity beneath the boat - a dirty big carp that barely squeezed into the net. I heaved the big lump into the boat and held up the 86cm mud marlin for a few pics. We then respectfully dispatched the invasive species on the bank - as all fishermen are legally obliged to do anywhere in Australia.

Despite not being the target species, the fish still provided us with plenty of entertainment.

In the dying hours of the trip, after losing hundreds of dollars worth of lures, I hooked and landed a baby Murray cod around 30cms, which was a bitter sweet consolation prize from what was surely some of the toughest fishing I had ever endured. We eventually left the impoundment, licking our wounds and vowing to make a return in the near future to catch the elusive yellowbelly.

Tide Chart

November 2023 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday

Tuesday

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Friday

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Sunday

Moons

1 0446 0.53 1119 1.80 1806 0.38

2 0003 1.24 0527 0.62 1202 1.72 1858 0.46

3 0055 1.16 0612 0.70 1248 1.62 1953 0.53

4 0152 1.12 0704 0.76 1339 1.53 2052 0.58

5 0257 1.11 0808 0.80 1439 1.45 2151 0.60

7 0503 1.21 1033 0.77 1649 1.41 2332 0.55

8 0551 1.30 1135 0.72 1744 1.43

9 0012 0.50 0631 1.39 1229 0.64 1830 1.45

10 0046 0.47 0707 1.49 1315 0.57 1912 1.46

11 0119 0.45 0741 1.58 1358 0.49 1951 1.45

12 0150 0.44 0815 1.67 1438 0.43 2031 1.44

13 0222 0.44 0849 1.75 1518 0.37 2113 1.41

14 0256 0.46 0926 1.81 1601 0.34 2157 1.38

15 0332 0.49 1006 1.84 1646 0.33 2243 1.34

16 0414 0.53 1049 1.84 1735 0.34 2333 1.29

17 0500 0.57 1136 1.82 1830 0.37

18 0029 1.25 0552 0.62 1229 1.77 1929 0.40

19 0130 1.23 0653 0.66 1327 1.71 2031 0.41

20 0238 1.24 0803 0.68 1432 1.66 2134 0.40

21 0346 1.30 0917 0.67 1543 1.62 2232 0.38

22 0447 1.40 1032 0.62 1650 1.59 2324 0.36

23 0542 1.52 1143 0.55 1751 1.57

24 0011 0.35 0631 1.64 1246 0.46 1847 1.53

25 0054 0.36 0718 1.75 1345 0.38 1942 1.49

26 0136 0.38 0803 1.84 1438 0.33 2032 1.43

27 0216 0.42 0847 1.88 1528 0.30 2122 1.37

28 0257 0.48 0930 1.90 1615 0.30 2210 1.32

29 0337 0.53 1013 1.87 1700 0.34 2257 1.27

30 0418 0.59 1054 1.82 1744 0.39 2342 1.23

6 0404 1.15 0921 0.81 1545 1.42 2245 0.58

• • •

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

•

With over 90 years of experience in Eastern Suburbs property, we get results.

Call: 02 9387 1700 www.willsproperty.com.au Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 45

Dana's Recipe

Even better if you can catch your own.

Yellowtail Kingfish Ceviche Words Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Although yellowtail kingfish is often enjoyed as sashimi in its purest form, it also has the perfect firm yet delicate flesh to accommodate acidic, tangy, salty flavours (and a bit of chilli). In this recipe I have marinated the kingfish to create a beautiful Mediterraneaninspired ceviche. Apart from the time taken to marinate the fish, you can have this on the table in just under ten minutes.

It’s another plate perfect for sharing in summer.

Ingredients 600gm kingfish - skinless, sashimi grade, diced into small cubes (you can also use snapper) Juice of 2 lemons ⅓ cup extra virgin olive oil

1 tbsp capers, drained 1 tsp white wine vinegar Small bunch parsley, finely chopped 1 spring onion, green and white part, finely chopped 1 red birdseye chilli, seeds included, finely chopped 1 piece of fennel bulb, finely chopped Wedges of lemon, to serve Thin flatbread crackers, to serve Method 1. To marinate the kingfish, place it in a bowl with the lemon juice and olive oil and gently toss to coat the fish.

2. Cover with cling film and refrigerate for 1 hour.

3. Remove from the fridge, uncover and drain just a little of the liquid.

46 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

4. Add the capers, white wine vinegar, parsley, spring onion, fennel and chilli and a little extra lemon juice.

5. Gently stir all of the ingredients to combine and it’ll be ready to serve with lemon wedges and thin flatbread crackers.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

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Beast Brainteasers

The Beast Supercross 1

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ACROSS 1. Characteristic of being greatly impressed (12) 7. Good place to get a Phở (10) 9. Seppo farm (5) 10. Anus (8) 12. Swiss based sports organisation, abbr. (1,1,1) 13. Dutch railway operator, abbr.

(1,1) 14. Pole dancers sometimes do this (5) 16. Animal that enjoys killing native wildlife (3) 17. Famous German battleship from the Second World War, Admiral Graf ... (4) 18. Indonesian water (3) 20. Saffa slang for bloke (2) 21. Famous (5) 22. Straying from the accepted course (6) 26. Source, cause or origin (4) 27. Russian infested Balinese

village (4) 30. Where investors buy and sell shares (5,6) DOWN 1. Impotent politicians (12) 2. First-timer (8) 3. Latin-American of mixed Indigenous and African ancestry (5) 4. Business person (12) 5. Set free (10) 6. Increased heart rate (11) 8. Thanks (2) 11. Male pronoun (2) 14. Phlegm (6) 15. Tellurium (2) 17. Male offspring (3) 19. That is (1,1) 23. Decay (3) 24. Suicidal marsupial, abbr. (3) 25. Racing organisation, abbr.

(1,1,1) 28. Sheep noise (2) 29. Don’t know, text speak (1,1)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson Photo Julie Host 1. What is the loudest animal on earth?

2. How many hearts does an octopus have?

3. How long are elephants pregnant for?

4. What was the slogan of Apple Inc. from 1997 to 2002?

5. What is a female donkey called?

6. Which bones are babies born without?

7. What famous US festival hosted over 350,000 fans at Max Yasgur’s dairy farm in Bethel, New York in 1969?

Wonderful Wylie's.

48 The Beast November 2023 Issue 226

8. What animal appears on the Levi’s logo?

9. In which mountainous country was Buddha born?

10. What is the smallest country in the world, with only 44 hectares and a population of less than 1,000 people?

Reviews

HOTEL

Call of the Void Label Yeah Nah Yeah Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Sydney artist Hotel has kindly dropped his debut album just in time for our summer socials. It’s the perfect soundtrack for the warm-up stages of any forthcoming party, when people are still arriving and greeting each other and you need to set a vibe for the rest of the evening. There’s a bit of everything; like sitting down to a table of tapas fusion, but your friend has been to the restaurant before so they know exactly what to order. No stomach aches after too many garlic potatoes and salmon croquettes here, just a satisfied palate and a belly full of contentment.

BAKAR Halo

Label Black Butter Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Fair Play Genre Drama, Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Writer-director Chloe Domont (Ballers) has drawn upon unresolved feelings from a past experience for her taut and affecting psychological feature film debut, Fair Play. Set in the cut-throat financial district of New York, it deftly examines gender equality and the fragile dynamics between two young and highly competitive hedge fund analysts and their complex struggles to survive their combined personal and work lives.

Within their seemingly perfect relationship, double standards are in play, and tensions begin to run high when Luke's (Alden Ehrenreich) insecure ego is unable to accept Emily’s (Phoebe Dynevor) well-deserved promotion.

With themes of callous back-stabbing, corporate greed and gender politics, it’s fair to say Fair Play is not a whimsical feel-good story but, with its thought provoking conclusion, it may have you realising that it’s definitely a time for changing attitudes and that to succeed in life requires compromise and respect with yourself and others.

Bakar came into my headphones quite by accident.

He slipped in like a smooth, English version of Frank Ocean (but without all the hang-ups) and has been hanging around ever since. I’m a sucker for this kind of lo-fi R&B coming out of the UK at the moment - think Loyle Carner and Young Fathers - and if I were 19 again I might just get on a plane to London to go and see what it’s all about.

Of course, I’d probably just end up living with seven other Aussies in a one-bedder in Shepherds Bush, drinking Stella at a Walkabout until I ran out of money, but that’s neither here nor there.

THE NATIONAL

Laugh Track

Label 4AD Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  The National dropping a surprise album is, well, surprising. They don’t strike me as the kind of guys that do anything too unpredictable, more just sit around having very intelligent conversations and overanalysing everything, but here we are with a strangely refreshing addition to their catalogue. I have to admit I thought I’d had my fill of Matt Berninger’s philosophical musings on the complexities of relationships for a while, but apparently not, as I’ve had Laugh Track on repeat since it came out.

Perhaps it’s because they recorded and tweaked it in record time and didn’t overanalyse it?

Issue 226 November 2023 The Beast 49

Beardy from Hell Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Your newfound friend at the coffee shop actually finds you extremely annoying. Please leave them alone.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Being surrounded by good people doesn’t make you a good person, but it certainly helps you to look more like one.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 If you don’t get rid of your filthy old pillow very soon it’s going to come to life and try to strangle you in your sleep.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Undervaluing the things you do for others and overvaluing the things they do for you is not helping you earn any respect.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 All your mates’ partners only seem so much hotter to you because you don’t have to live with them.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Although you inherited the worst qualities of both your parents, you’re still not the biggest failure in your family.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Getting up early to beat the crowds is pretty pointless when everyone else has exactly the same idea. Stay in bed.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 It’s been a while since you had a go at some big, bold, seemingly unachievable goal, and there’s really no need to change that.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 A new wardrobe will lift your mood and status. Don’t wait for the sales, get out there and spend like there’s no tomorrow.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 You need to start hanging out with some poorer people so you don’t feel so financially inferior all the time.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 Despite having no interest in horses, a few schooners mysteriously transforms you into a racing expert.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 One of the many benefits of having such dumb friends is that you get to feel like an expert on things you know nothing about.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. Sperm whale 2. Three 3. 22 months 4. Think Different 5. A Jenny 6. Knee caps 7. Woodstock 8. A horse 9. Nepal 10. Vatican City

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Sunday 5th November 2023 11am - 4pm 13 HEWLETT STREET, BRONTE

ALL WELCOME!

Food, Crafts, Books, Fashion, Toys, Plants, Rides & More!

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