Issue 40 Best of North GA Mountains 3-13-19

ISSUE #40

Food, Music, Art, Events, Things To Do, Places To Go, Adventures, Local Writers, Humor...And Much More!

COWBOY POET T.C. Carter writes from the heart, from the way he sees it, feels it, hears it.

INTERVIEW/35

T JAMES BAND ROCKS! MUSIC INTERVIEW/39

r e v e N o o T !

E LAT God called, and John Shivers answered. Now he’s preaching at three small churches - a long way from his beloved North Georgia mountains.

DETAILS/6

THE GREAT NORWOOD, GA BANK ROBBERY

GET O T E TIM Y! H T L A HE /41 SPECIAL

GUIDE

TED SMITH/49

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR HOME MORE BEAUTIFUL? Don’t miss our special guide - Creating the Best Home for You / Pages 23-34

Publisher: Mitch Talley Publisher’s Boss: Cindy Talley Founder: Robb Newman Founder’s Boss: Thia Newman Distribution: Eddie Ash, O. Myback Issue Graphic Design: Mitch March 13, 2019 Talley, Cray Ola Writers: Mitch Talley, (c) 2019 The Best of Robb Newman, Thia the North Georgia Mountains, Inc. Newman, Lora Bunch, Raland Patterson, Kathi Editorial submissions Hill, Kathi Chastain, encouraged; send to bestofnorthgamountains@ John Shivers, Patricia Kovsky-Dotson, Ted yahoo.com or mail to 312 Smith, Rebecca Strobl, Double Tree Drive SE, Calhoun, GA 30701.

Joe Cobb Crawford.

#40

To advertise or suggest a story idea, call Mitch Talley at 678-882-6741.

God takes care of us He’s there for adventures of my family, John Shivers Fortunately, God has a way of takAs we put this issue to bed, the North ing care of fools like me, and so a quick Georgia Mountains were being inundated phone call to a good friend of ours, Mike with rain seemingly every day. the Mechanic, solved the dilemma. Mike To make lemonade out of lemons, though, we decided to take lives just down the road and advantage of the situation and By MITCH TALLEY thanks to him and a friend of carried our four-wheeler over his, we were soon on our way to the homeplace of my wife’s Publisher back home safe and sound. grandparents and do a little God also has a way of spinning in all that mud. taking care of other kinds of unexpected While our kids were having a great time, situations. Turn to page 6, for example, when it came time to leave, we ran into a and you’ll see how He led one of our writbit of a predicament. ers, John Shivers, out of the North GeorI thought we could drive our Tahoe (two- gia mountains and into the level ground of wheel drive) around the edge of the mess Mississippi. John has just answered the we had made, going where the ground call to lead three small United Methodist appeared to be harder and drier, but we churches out there, and his story is truly had gone just a few feet when I realized inspiring for all of us. we were sinking and had made a mistake.

Mitch

From one mountain top to another...

Some of my long-time friends have openly smirked to think of me being called “reverend,” and believe me, I get it. Irreverent, maybe. But Reverend Shivers? It takes some getting used to, and even now, when someone calls me that, I often look around to see where the preacher is. Then I realize, that’s me! Listen as I tell how God made it all come about in His time.

Mountains have always been my favorite place. The beach is okay, for a couple of days. But give me the mountains. I’ve been farther northeast into the Appalachian Mountain range, and have gazed with longing at the Rocky Mountains that I’ve only seen in pictures.

But it has always been the mountains of North Georgia that have been my sanctuary. It was there that I felt at peace, that internal music unheard anywhere else wafted through my heart. It was in those hills and hollows that my creativity was at its peak.

So imagine my shock and continuing surprise, to suddenly find myself 400 miles away from my beloved Georgia mountains, on a totally different kind of mountain, in a place where the closest thing to humps on the horizon may be the ant hills. Even more astounding, I’m enjoying every minute of my new existence.

For sure, this wasn’t something that I sought, but when the opportunity came, I was at total peace to accept and step out. I readily admit that I was probably more scared than I had been when mother left me on my first day of kindergarten. I cried until she came back four hours later to get me.

Even now, more than three months later, I still find myself at times wondering how this all came together. But then God works in mysterious ways and on His timeline. I don’t think there has ever been any point in my life when I’ve understood this more clearly than I have over the past

CH TALLEY

PHOTO BY MIT

By JOHN SHIVERS

6

John Shivers, irreverent, maybe. But reverend? Nah, never. But never say never.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.” - Helen Keller

Raleigh United Methodist Church meets in this building at the intersection of Highway 35 and Highway 18. At right, well, this sign made it official. When my name went on the sign in front of the Raleigh Church, I finally figured it was true. I was the pastor. few months.

You see, I’m in south central Mississippi, a place that has no mountains, serving as lay supply pastor for three wonderful, small United Methodist congregations. It’s been a mountain top of a totally different complexion, and I’d like to share with you what the journey has been like so far.

But first, a little background. Some of my long-time friends have openly smirked to think of me being called “reverend,” and believe me, I get it.

Irreverent, maybe. But Reverend Shivers? It takes some getting used to, and even now, when someone calls me that, I often look around to see

8

where the preacher is. Then I realize, that’s me!

The United Methodist denomination around the globe is divided into what are called Annual Conferences. When I was in Georgia, I was living in the North Georgia Annual Conference that covers an area from LaGrange over to Augusta and north to the Tennessee line.

I’ve been actively involved for several years, taking coursework through the denomination’s Lay Servant / Lay Ministries programs. I’m also a graduate of the North Georgia Conference’s Leadership UMC program, the premier lay leadership academy in the denomination. I then went on to serve on the Conference level LUMC board. I had thought this would be the extent and depth of my involvement. Because of my Lay Servant status, I was qualified to fill pulpits where the pastor was suddenly taken ill or was on vacation, and in very small churches where no pastor had yet been appointed. Usually this latter instance occurred because of the pastor shortage that exists within the United Methodist Church. I substituted in a number of those congregations.

About 10 years ago, my wife Elizabeth and I acquired a small place outside Magee, Mississippi, her hometown, on land that she inherited.

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.” - Oscar Wilde

It was our get-away place. Because the door to our Mississippi home, was having to step down suddenly for health North Georgia winter weather last year was so rough on her injured back, we’d reasons. She asked me to take these three churches through June 2019, already decided to spend the winter months of 2019 in Magee. which is the end of the annual pastor appointment cycle.

In early November 2018, following prompting by the little voice that lives Say what? behind my left ear, I reached out to the This is how I suddenly found myself district superintendent of the East Jackas the lay supply pastor of the Raleigh son District, of the Mississippi Annual United Methodist Church, Pleasant Hill UMC (also known as The Double Conference. I simply wanted her to know that I would be in the area over the winter, Church, but more on this later) and Gasque Chapel UMC. and if there was a need, I’d be happy to substitute here as well.

Sunday, Nov. 25, 2018, less than But God evidently had more ambitious three weeks after our initial conversation, was my first Sunday as pastor, ideas. and it was an experience I will never The District Superintendent received forget. Talk about feeling like a fish out my letter, called me and we talked. Then of water. It’s one thing to step into the we talked some more, and she talked Gasque Chapel meets in this building about 15 miles out pulpit of a pastor who’s on vacation, with my pastor and district superintenof town. A traditional looking church cemetery is next to where you lead the service and bring dent in the Northwest Georgia District. the church. the message, then go home. But I was Then she explained that the retired pastor, who had been serving three congregations in Smith County, next going to be with these people Sunday after Sunday, week after week.

Sobering, let me tell you.

But also so very rewarding. A blessing, to say the least.

Each of my three congregations numbers between 20 and 40 members. Two of the churches, The Double Church and Gasque Chapel, are considered “preaching stations” and only have services twice a month.

Raleigh has services every Sunday. On the first and third Sundays, I’m preaching at The Double Church at 9:50 a.m. I leave there and drive the five miles back into Raleigh, for a service there at 11:10 a.m. On the second and fourth Sundays, I’m at Gasque Chapel, then drive 15 miles back to Raleigh.

To go from holding one service a Sunday, on a very occasional basis, to two services every Sunday was a bit of culture shock. When I arrived back home that very first Sunday, my body mounted a bloodless coup, and I had to put myself to bed. I was that exhausted.

As I write this, I’ve just logged my 11th Sunday, and I’m proud to report that the exhaustion factor is abating and the satisfaction factor has continued to rise. I didn’t know I could be so happy and fulfilled. And I’m writing on my books at a productive rate.

Each congregation has reached out to Elizabeth and me, and made us immediately feel a part of them. That means a lot, when you’re in as much of a foreign land as we were initially. Gasque Chapel has been there since 1882, and still in the original building. Those folks are as priceless as their building is timeless.

Pleasant Hill, half of The Double Church, is perhaps the most unique of the three, but still just as warm and welcoming. Prior to the 1970s, Pleasant Hill Methodist Church and Center Hill Baptist Church stood very near each other on a hill outside the town of Raleigh. These two churches had many family units that were divided, but not in a hostile

10

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” - Aristotle

way. One parent and some of the children attended one church, and the other parent and the rest of the family went to the other church.

When both church buildings were beyond repair, the two churches united to build one building that both congregations would share. They became known as “The Double Church.”

Today, almost 50 years later, on the two Sundays that I’m not there, a Baptist pastor holds services, and both denominations worship together each Sunday, regardless of who is preaching. Both the Methodists and the Baptists have made this a most rewarding pastorate, and I wouldn’t take anything for it.

The Raleigh Church, downtown in the county seat of Smith County, is the church where a worship service occurs every Sunday. It’s an interesting phenomenon to finish the early service, jump in the car and dash to Raleigh, to arrive, mentally shift gears, and begin a second service following a totally different order of worship. It keeps me on my toes. And here as well, these good people have literally adopted us.

But my toes, and the rest of me as well, continue to dive into this new, unplanned career, which proves it’s never too late, most especially when God is choreographing the whole scenario.

And it proves it’s possible to find fulfillment on a mountain top of a different nature. I’ll always treasure my Georgia mountains, and hope to return to them at some point. But in the meantime, this is one of the best mountains I’ve ever inhabited. Thanks be to God.

12

“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” - Joseph Campbell

Who needed the Internet?

Salesmen delivered the world to our little house in the mountains

By Patricia Kovsky-Dotson

What is going on on the front porches of America?

Recently, every newscast features packages being stolen from front porches after recent home deliveries.

Thanks to the internet, people are now ordering many items over the computer, putting it on their credit cards and expecting immediate delivery.

Well, yes, and the ever awaiting thieves know this! Recently, I saw on a TV newscast where a brown bear had stolen a package off of a front porch! What are we teaching our furry animals?

These events drew my mind back to the days when, number one, there was no internet and commercial delivery. And number two, nobody ever stole anything off your front porch!

Those days in my memory were in the early 1930s and '40s. Yes, I was between the ages of three and six, but I can remember how it was in the early days.

Door to door salesmen had become popular by this time for several reasons. Usually the “lady of the house” was at home all day mostly without transportation, not many telephones, and was busy with homemaking.

What a tremendous field this was for salesmen to come knocking on your door. This was exciting for the kids because we got to listen and watch all the events.

All of us are probably familiar with the encyclopedia and vacuum cleaner salesmen, but there on your porch on

16

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

a regular schedule were salesmen of all kinds hocking their wares to these vulnerable housewives. Not only was this prime time for salesmen, it was a convenience for the “lady of the house.”

Now, our house was almost in town. You could go out on the sidewalk and see almost to the end of Copperhill, Tenn., though our house was in the twin-city of McCaysville, Ga. We lived in this rental house for about three years, long enough for me to experience “city” life. Salesmen coming to town knew our street was the closest, though they covered the whole area like frost in wintertime.

With the knock on the front door, while speaking to the kids, they waited while Mother came to the door with a smile on her face.

When she saw who it was, she knew she could take time out to look at his wares and maybe to purchase something. Money was tight after the depression, so salesmen had to show the actual item and most of the time, demonstrate it.

Jewel-Tea salesman One of my first remembrances was that of the Jewel-Tea salesman, for he came in carrying a huge display for what every household certainly needed. Mother was enamored with all the wonderful household products that most folks had never seen before!

He began to take them out of his carrier and place them on the floor in front of us. (I say “us,” because my nose was certainly in there!)

My goodness, he had coffee and teas of different kinds. There you could see many other Jewel-Tea products that any kitchen would be proud to have.

Mother bought several things every time he came. One thing I remember was the coffee, which was a staple at our house until they went out of business. As fast as you could order, the salesman wrote it down, said goodbye, placed your order and delivered it in person on a later date. Now, how is that for service?

A special treat with the Jewel-Tea Company was that they carried their own sets of dishes.

You could choose pieces at a time as you ordered. Mother called this a “premium,” though I doubt that! Anyway, through the years,

18

she and thousands of others across the land bought and collected sets of dinnerware, which we used every day. If we had known they would become priceless antiques, we probably would have been more careful with them.

Years took their toll on these cream colored, “Autumn Leaf” patterns, but a few survived.

I still have the coffee pot, tea pot and a few casserole dishes. Also, having had an antique business I have bought and sold these pieces and by then they were really a “premium” to have, for the price was, as we say, “priceless.”

Most everyone is familiar with the Fuller Brush Company, for they appear in malls from time to time. But did you know they started out as a door to door salesmen event? Wondering who was at your door, you could probably see a little short man with a display case full of his wares. I can't remember his name, but he remained a salesman until they stopped door to door.

Brushes for all occasions could be found in his supply. Also, there was their brand of cleaning supplies that could take care of your every need. Really, they could! These were first rate products or they would not have lasted so long. Orders were taken and delivered by the salesman.

I was a kid when I learned about these products, but after I was grown and married, I answered the door and there was that same little man wanting to sell another generation his fine products.

Insurance at the door Did you know that insurance salesmen came door to door? Well, yes, to sell policies, but as a kid I can still remember a person coming maybe once a month to the door to collect the money for the policy! Most of the insurance was life or accident. As I remember, most of the payment was just change. I don't know if we had any other kind of insurance back then!

When I was grown with children, I cashed a life insurance policy taken during this time and received $600!

Can you believe that something as big as a sewing machine could be sold by salesmen?

It is true, for my mother bought a floor model Singer sewing machine.

She had always wanted one and it was electric, which was a newer item.

When it was delivered, bright eyes watched it come up on the porch and were certainly in on the demonstration of how to use it. I sort of learned, but was never allowed to touch it until I was grown!

Decades later, when I was selling some of my mother's furniture, someone wanted to buy it. My heart sank, but I knew it had to go and I had one of my own after all.

I can't remember what I sold it for, and I never knew the original price, but I'm sure they were about the same number!

When it went out the door, I didn't have visions of how many miles of stitches it had made, for all I could see was the time when I was a kid and saw that floor model being delivered and demonstrated.

A starring role at Olan Mills By now, you are sure that my little face was in the midst of all the salesmen. Well, you are right, but my face actually got in the picture from one of the salesmen.

Back then, a company by the name of Olan Mills sent representatives to homes to make appointments for a later photography session.

I am not sure if my picture was by them or someone else.

Nevertheless, there was this man in our front yard making a picture of me. I had on a sun suit, with my hands put together, and of course, my straggly curly hair. To Mother's great surprise, a cat came in around my feet and got in the picture.

I didn't know what was happening until I saw the picture that he had enlarged to a big rectangular shape and had framed it in an antique silvery frame, with an unusual raised glass on the frame. Now, I thought I must be a movie star!

It hung in my Mother's home for decades but now graces one of my bedrooms, making it a prized possession from the old days of good ol’ door to door salesmen. I still can't believe the craftiness of picture making that long ago, but I'm glad!

The biggest door to door event that I remember has now come full circle since I was a child.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I tell you about it, you will understand the background of how this was done “back in the day.”

We lived in a copper mining town and most of the people living here were employed by the Tennessee Copper Company. Going back even to the days before I was born, and when my mother was growing up, the “Company” had a retail store. I guess this was a given back in those days.

By the time I was growing up, there were three of these stores belonging to the “Company.”

The largest was located right in the middle of Copperhill, and it had grown through the years to be like the department stores in the cities.

Their window displays of their goods reminded you of this before you entered.

As an added convenience, they, too, had door to door salesmen. I can never forget that once every few days a man would come from the store to houses up the street. He had a bill pad in his hand ready to take the grocery order

20

from the “lady of the house.” Actually, it was the employee's wife.

Mother always had a grocery order every time, and this must have set a precedent for how she would buy her groceries all of her life.

One day at a time In later years, she always called them in to daddy, and he would bring them home – one day at a time!

Mother was not a stocker of groceries like myself and others in this day, and I suppose she learned how it was done daily from the Smelter Store as it was called.

After taking all of his orders in his area, he returned it to the store. Employees filled each order and it was then put on the big delivery truck a few hours later, and taken to the houses.

Now, if you think this is convenient, here is how you paid for it!

Each company employee had a number to which they were charged for any purchase,

either in the store or delivery. The store employee put that number on your bill, sent it to the office where it was immediately charged to your account.

Now, here comes the special part! When the employee received his weekly or monthly check, the charged amount through the week or month was deducted from his payday.

This was a convenience, but many times some of the men did not draw any money, and too, in some cases it was abused by buying items on charge and selling them for cash.

It only happened to some, but some families suffered, yet the “Company” store was a blessing, and it also employed a large number of people.

Gone are these days, and gone are the “Company” stores. But the internet and credit cards get you basically the same. It is all ordering, paying and delivering.

What a convenience – back in the day and even today – if you can keep the thieves off your porch!

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” - Aristotle

LOST OPPORTUNITY: Who’s gonna ride your horse?

Let me tell you a story about attitude and motivation that dates all the way back to Custer’s Last Stand.

First I have to set the stage. Custer’s troops were horse soldiers, not cavalry.

The difference is that when horse soldiers fight, they dismount, leaving every fourth soldier as a horse-holder. The other three have to do all the fighting.

Another reduction in the soldiers’ effectiveness was their rifles. If they fired rapidly more than three or four times, the weapons jammed. The worst –and most critical—part was that Crazy Horse knew this. The Indians’ fighting style is also important to the story.

In order to move up the ladder of respect, an Indian brave was required to count coup. A brave would only touch his enemy, effectively saying, “I could have killed you, but I didn’t.”

The Indians call that counting coup (pronounced “coo”). Indians felt that anyone could kill his enemy, but only the truly brave could touch him and not have to kill him.

The first Sioux warrior to touch an enemy in battle, a coup, could wear a golden eagle feather upright. The second wore an eagle feather tilted left. Vertical strips on your leggings signified coups.

Now for the story…

As Custer’s men moved into the fighting position, they kicked up huge dust clouds in the hot, dry countryside. On the initial attack, the Indians’ primary objective was killing the horse-holders so that the soldiers could not retreat.

Under the command of Crazy Horse, the Indians moved back and forth in front of the troopers, just outside of rifle range. Eventually the

22

soldiers’ rifles jammed and the young braves began to count coup.

This drove the young soldiers crazy.

Many had only been in the Army for a few months, and their stress level was high.

About the time it looked as if all was lost, a young officer caught one of the free-running horses and swung into the saddle. He rode into a ravine and made his escape. Five young braves saw him ride away and began the chase.

The soldier had a fast horse and was leaving them behind, so the braves began to drop out until just one Indian, who didn’t carry a bow or a rifle, followed him.

The last warrior was about to give up his chase when the escaping soldier glanced backward, saw the pursuing Indian, jerked out his pistol and shot himself in the head.

The Indian warrior later remarked that he had caught the soldier’s horse and rode it for years afterward.

Why do I share this story? Let’s look at what happened. The soldier had knowledge, experience, a fast horse and opportunity. Because he had the wrong attitude, he missed being immortalized as the only survivor of Custer’s Last Stand.

What is the moral of this story?

Vince Lombardi said it best: “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of attitude.”

My question to you is: Who will ride your horse because you gave up your life’s goals just one step away from achieving them?

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston Churchill

g n i t a e r C

THE BEST HOME FOR YOU 2019

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019

6 top home design trends

T

FAMILY FEATURES

he influence of global cultures is increasingly visible in home decor as technology expands homeowners’ worldviews. Acting on the inspiration of global trends can be as simple as shifting your outlook to bringing eye-catching features and everyday functions into your home.

For example, playing with color, replacing doors and incorporating unique accents can help contribute to an on-trend style that flows seamlessly from room to room.

Colors offer the opportunity to create a mood and update a space. Doors provide an average of 800 square feet of previously untapped design potential that can add visual interest and enhance the functionality of a room.

As you make plans to redesign spaces within your home, watch for these trends in 2019.

Nordic Noir If you crave simplicity and cleanliness, embrace the Scandinavian approach to design that’s all about moderation.

Nordic Noir upholds values of minimalism and timeless devotion to well-made elements that are beautiful in their own simplicity. Muted colors like blue-gray and pale rose come to life on walls and in fabrics. Doors made of dark metal and wood paired with glass panels bring natural light and warmth into the home.

Urban Country This trend brings the look and feel of rural living to urban spaces by pairing crisp white and warm neutrals with ornate fixtures. Elements like a craftsmanstyle front door with sidelights help to accentuate the home’s original detailing, while well-crafted, handmade pieces bring the heart and soul of country liv-

ing into the space. Urban Country is perfect for the fast-paced urbanite looking to live a more balanced, slow-paced lifestyle.

Rustic Luxury Geared toward those who need a personal space where they can restore energy and find balance, Rustic Luxury design helps homeowners disconnect from the demands of everyday life. With this trend, the focus is on creating harmony between natural and architectural design elements. Try mixing sculptural design pieces and greenery with natural wood doors and concrete benches for a calming counterbalance to frenetic, fast-paced living.

Pretty and Calm As female buying-power continues to increase, spaces are being redesigned to fit the lifestyles of modern women who often appreciate both contemporary and traditional design. Biophilic elements mixed with pale-hued colors, luxurious touches and textured glass doors are all key features for Pretty and Calm design. To achieve this style, play with textures that feature warm yet bold colors like pale blue, sunshine yellow and sage. Don’t be afraid to experiment with dissimilar materials to find the right combination of interest and comfort.

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019

Give Your Kitchen a Facelift

W

FAMILY FEATURES

hether completely remodeling your kitchen or just looking for a few simple upgrades to make your cooking space shine, it can be difficult to know where to begin.

A well-designed kitchen can incorporate both style and luxury, but it’s also important to upgrade in ways that make everyday tasks easier and your space more efficient.

From larger upgrades like an entire suite of matching stainless steel kitchen appliances to elegant and durable quartz countertops or a new dining set, to smaller optimizations such as a smart thermostat to control temperatures or multitiered cabinet organizers, it’s easy to breathe new life into one of your home’s most oft-used spaces.

Find more upgrades that appeal to the eye and can simplify everyday kitchen tasks at eLivingToday.com.

Whole-Kitchen Upgrades Easily update your entire kitchen with matching stainless steel appliances with the Amana Everyday Value Suite, a winning combination of value, hassle-free features, quality products and timeless design. Perfect for your kitchen, vacation home or real estate listing, the Amana Everyday Value Suite includes a Side-by-Side Refrigerator with 3 Gallon Door Storage Bins, a Free Standing Range with Bake Assist Temps, a Dishwasher with Triple Filter Wash System and an Over-the-Range Microwave. Find more appliances at amana.com.

Aesthetically Pleasing Dining Available in a wide variety of sizes, styles, heights, colors and finishes, even when not in use a standout table and set of chairs is sure to be a centerpiece of your dining area. Look for options such as an extendable table leaf or under-table storage to allow for versatility whether entertaining or preparing an evening meal for your family. Simply group the matching chairs around your table or mix and match different designs to give your dining room a more chic feel.

Contain Kitchen Clutter Many kitchen cabinets have more wasted than usable space. Optimize storage in these problem areas with ClosetMaid’s Premium Kitchen Cabinet Organizers featuring multi-tiered pullout baskets, a spice rack and trash bin to deal with all kinds of kitchen clutter. Each organizer is durable, scratch-resistant, easy to install and designed specifically for any kind of food or container storage. For more organization solutions and tips, visit ClosetMaid.com.

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019

7 ideas that increase resale

E

FAMILY FEATURES

ven if you have no immediate plans for leaving your home, it’s a good idea to approach renovations with resale value in mind. Upgrades that are likely to appeal to future buyers protect your investment while also improving your enjoyment of the home.

One key to a successful renovation is figuring out how to personalize the space without making it so customized that it’s not attractive to other potential owners. For example, eliminating a bedroom to create a giant walk-in closet may help achieve your dreams, but losing that bedroom can be a major hit to your home’s value.

A good rule of thumb is to focus on aesthetics when it comes to integrating more of your personal tastes, because these can be easily changed with a coat of paint or minor work. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t make other, more significant changes to enhance your home.

These renovation ideas – which include both cosmetic guests. This type of floor plan can also make small rooms feel larger and invite more light into darker parts of touch-ups and more laborthe house intensive suggestions – can The most cost-effective way to create an open space is to remove non-load-bearing walls (load bearing walls help boost your home’s value. help support the roof; while they can be removed there’s typically quite a bit more time, labor and expense involved). Removing a wall may not be that complicated unless you encounter plumbing or HVAC ductwork that Open space needs to be relocated. You’ll likely have some electrical outlets to move, and both the floor and ceiling will need Older homes were often attention to remove lingering signs of the former wall. designed with a boxy, formal layout that is less conducive to Color change most modern families’ needs.

Although paint is one of the easiest ways to personalize your home, it’s also one of the least expensive, Today’s open floor plans offer simplest ways to improve its value and appearance. A fresh coat of paint, inside or out, can create an functionality for everything from keeping an eye on the kids while appealing illusion of newness no matter the age of your home. For maximum resale value, stick to neutral tones so future buyers can focus on envisioning the place as their own, without the distraction of your own making dinner to entertaining

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019 vibrant choices. If you don’t like the thought of boring beige, consider adding accent walls for pops of color that can be easily changed down the road.

Climate comfort Not every aspect of home improve­ment is visible at first glance like a fresh coat of paint; some value-boosting upgrades are more behind the scenes. One example is climate management. If you renovate a space that needs better climate control, or if you add a new room where extending the existing ductwork is impractical, a split-ductless HVAC system may be the perfect solution. The ductless design saves HVAC contractors time during installation, therefore saving homeowners money.

An option like Mitsubishi Electric’s MLZ One-Way Ceiling Cassette fits between standard 16-inch ceiling joists, eliminating the need for more complicated construction. The sleek, narrow-body design can be easily installed in existing homes and new construction projects.

Additionally, these ceiling cassettes can be serviced from directly beneath the unit itself without an access panel, further eliminating the need to modify the surrounding area which can also provide significant cost savings on installation. Learn more at mitsubishicomfort.com.

Adjustable lighting A room’s ambiance can be completely transformed with lighting.

For multi-purpose rooms, an option like dimmer switches lets you customize the lighting to fit the use, which can vary throughout the day. A well-lit living room is essential for a large gathering or a small group gathered for game night. That same space can be equally inviting for an intimate conversation or a casual movie night with the lights turned down low. One of the best parts is minimal experience is needed to swap out standard switches for the more versatile dimmers.

Plus, in today’s technology-driven world, there’s an app for seemingly

everything – including lighting. Homeowners can control the ambiance from their phones by installing smart lightbulbs and lighting strips.

Grunge-free garage Even though a garage’s functionality is the top concern for most buyers, a dingy, unkempt space can be a real turn-off. One way to instantly brighten and refresh the space is an epoxy coating on the floor. Applying the coating is relatively easy and once dry it helps prevent unsightly stains and damage in the future. Combine that with a thorough sweeping, wiping down walls and other surfaces, and organizing the clutter to create a more inviting space you can utilize to the fullest.

Understated elegance Features like crown molding and other wood accents such as chair rails are elegant upgrades that can elevate a home’s value with a relatively modest investment. An office or dining room is the perfect place to introduce these design elements to add a bit of formality to the space. You can also find crown molding in spaces like the living room, with the molding coordinating with built-in shelving flanking a fireplace.

While getting the angles and fit just right is hardly a beginner’s endeavor, it’s a project that can pay dividends in the long run.

Better bathrooms Many homeowners approach a bathroom upgrade with big projects in mind, like swapping out the vanity, replacing the tub or installing tile flooring. However, it’s possible to make a noticeable impact with much smaller changes. Simply updating bathroom fixtures and fittings such as shower heads, faucets, towel racks and lighting can transform the space with minimal effort and far less work and expense than a large-scale renovation.

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019

Sliding doors expand kitchen

Y

FAMILY FEATURES

our kitchen is the heart of your home.

It’s a place where family and friends gather. It’s also a space where you may seem to need more space, whether you’re making breakfast for the kids or hosting a big dinner party. Using innovative wallmount door hardware, you can unlock your kitchen’s potential by freeing up the “real estate” traditional swinging doors take up. Due to their unique space-saving possibilities, versatility and aesthetics, wall-mount sliding doors can make your kitchen more open and inviting.

A standard hinged door consumes 10-14 square feet of floor space to swing open and shut, putting kitchen space at a premium. Single or converging wall-mount sliding doors allow you to utilize this floor space for kitchen furnishings, storage, extra mingling room for guests and more. They also give kitchens a more spacious look and can enhance your home’s design flow, making it more welcoming and facilitating movement between rooms, which is essential for gatherings and larger families with children.

To maximize your kitchen’s footprint and optimize functionality, an option like wall-mount door hardware from Johnson Hardware can provide a new world of architectural possibilities for your kitchen, regardless of size or layout. Ideal for wider kitchen entryways, converging wall-mount door hardware allows doors to glide smoothly as they open whenever you want a free flow for entertaining or close for privacy during

meal preparation.

Converging doors can add sophistication or create a cozy feel, depending on the hardware configuration and door style you choose.

Available with or without fascia in either clear satin or bronze anodized aluminum, the U.S.-made hardware and track exceed ANSI safety standards and can successfully complete 100,000 opening and closing cycles. You can also add your own valance to match the door material and trim.

Wall-mounted sliding doors also work well for kitchen pantries and large recessed shelving areas where you want to conceal clutter and ensure clean, streamlined spaces. With Johnson’s array of hardware configurations, you can create personalized looks that integrate the door designs and materials you desire with options for doors up to 125 pounds, which are equipped with wall-mounted jump-proof aluminum box tracks and adjustable door hangers for easy installation, as well as options up to 400 pounds, featuring wall-mounted, heavy-gauge I-beam tracks and smooth-rolling, ballbearing four-wheel hangers.

Installing wall-mount sliding door hardware in your kitchen - and beyond - can be an easy yet high-impact improvement that reduces space constraints while adding warmth, functionality and appeal to your home. For more information, visit johnsonhardware.com.

CREATING THE BEST HOME FOR YOU - SPRING 2019

4 steps for great DIY painting

P

FAMILY FEATURES

ainting is one of the easiest and most impactful DIY projects for homeowners to quickly update their homes.

Whether it’s a new look in a master bathroom, adding a pop of color to the guest room, finishing off a basement remodel or anything in-between, a fresh coat of paint provides a fresh spin that’s all your own.

To make your painting project go smoothly, consider following these important steps. Take this task list from the experts at Purdy Professional Painting Tools into account before diving in to your DIY painting project.

Find inspiration. Having a final design in mind before starting your project can help you plan. From the obvious wall color to more intricate details like painting trim, doors, the ceiling and more, starting your project with a plan can help you avoid multiple trips to the store.

Remember, the details are important: incorporating the correct types and sheens of paint, using complementary colors, buying the proper amount of paint and more.

Collect the right tools. Part of the planning process includes ensuring you have the proper tools for the project. A paint brush, roller cover, roller frame, paint tray and extension pole are the basic essentials for your project’s success. From step ladders and putty knives to wood filler and drop cloths, it’s crucial to have everything you need.

However, keep in mind that not all tools are created equal. For example, when you use a high-quality paint brush, you’re more likely to paint straight lines when cutting in to corners and walls. You may also notice a much smoother finish, one without unsightly brush strokes, which means a more visually appealing result with less effort,

too. One option is Purdy Brushes, which are specially designed and hand-crafted to ensure you get professional-quality results every time. Find a tool selector to help you find the best brushes, roller covers and painting accessories for your project at purdy.com.

Prepare the area. Proper planning for your project depends on which room in the house you’re painting. The main rules of thumb include removing everything from your walls - including curtains, decor and switch plates - using drop cloths to cover floors; removing or lowering light fixtures from the ceiling; and emptying the room of tables, lamps, furniture and other movable objects. If this isn’t possible, push all the pieces to the center of the room and cover with drop cloths.

Don’t forget to prepare the surface you are going to paint. Patch and sand any holes or imperfections.

Then wipe down surfaces you plan to paint with warm water, which helps remove dirt and dust that can sometimes prevent paint from adhering. If possible, open windows for better ventilation once you’re ready to start.

Clean up. When the painting process is finished and you’re appreciating the hard work, don’t forget the job isn’t done until you’ve properly cleaned up. Paint brushes and roller covers should be washed promptly after use to ensure they can be used again. Use warm water and mild detergent to clean then let air dry. If you end up with leftover paint, it can be helpful to save some for future touch-ups. One helpful tip is to write on the can what room or walls you painted, the date and color name. This information can be beneficial should you need to purchase more paint at a later date.

An interview with a poet...

T.C. CARTER

T.C. Carter is a cowboy poet who tells his stories through his poetry.

The combination of his words and raspy voice will draw you in like you were sitting by the campfire on the dusty trail of the wagon train after a long day’s work.

His writings have true grit and a southern masculinity as he tells the tales of his experiences in life. Words like authentic, real and raw come to mind when I am describing him and his work.

He is a member of the Southern Collective Experience which is a group of all the areas of the arts who have been brought together to form an alliance of artists dedicated to sharing their work and the works of others in these fields. It is a labor of love for these amazing and talented men and women. Mr. Carter brings much to the table, and I know you all will enjoy learning more about him.

Lora: What does being creative mean to you?

T.C.: I guess ultimately it means finding the truth hidden behind all the built-up defenses we construct for ourselves and putting it on the line.

I think most artists, whatever their means of expression, are exhibitionists in the sense that we want to say, “This is who I am, this is what I know, this is what I can create.” You have to be willing to deliver up some

By LORA BUNCH

‘I’m sure I break all the rules in the books, but I just write from the heart, from the way I see it, feel it, hear it.

I’m not likely to ever write a novel, but I can tell a story in just a few verses.’

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” - Robert Frost

-T.C. CARTER

35

36 30

pieces of yourself that you otherwise might not do.

Lora: Do you remember the first piece you wrote?

T.C.: I do. It was called “Me and Bo,” and oddly enough it’s the only piece I’ve written that I keep revising from time to time. That was in January 2012, but I think the first thing I wrote that I was mostly satisfied with was a piece about my dad in the Second World War called “Unsung Hero.” That was May of 2012, and I read the piece at an open mic the next month.

That’s when I fully understood that poetry was not just a written art form but also a performing art, and I took to it like a horse to oats. I’m totally at home in front of an audience. A good piece of writing can be ruined by a bad reading.

Lora: Do you remember when you realized that creating and writing was a need for you?

T.C.: I think I’ve always felt that creative need. I did some acting when I was a young man, and in fact thought that would be my life work. Real life, however, intervened. As for writing, I always loved to read but didn’t think I had the chops to write anything myself. Going back to your previous question about the first thing I wrote; it was a poem about a cowboy and his horse, and I knew right away that I had a new goal in life. I didn’t have any training to be a writer and I still don’t know much about it, but I seemed to have a natural knack for poetry. I’m sure I break all the rules in the books, but I just write from the heart, from the way I see it, feel it, hear it. I’m not likely to ever write a novel, but I can tell a story in just a few verses. I record what I write, and if it doesn’t ring true I’ll hear it on the playback.

Lora: What kind of creative routines or rituals do you have?

T.C.: None at all. I’ve tried some things, but the only thing that works for me is to keep my eyes and ears open and let it come to me. When it does I start writing it down. It’s funny, sometimes when I’m just thinking about ordinary things of the day, I’ll catch myself trying to make it rhyme.

“Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” - Loretta Young

Lora: If you could do a reading anywhere where would it be?

T.C.: That’s an easy one. I’d want to read at the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering in Elko, Nev. They’ve held it for 35 years now, and it’s the granddaddy of all the cowboy poetry events.

Lora: What is your favorite creation of yours?

T.C.: That’s a hard question on the heels of an easy one. Much of the time it’s the one I just finished, but if I had to choose from everything I’ve done I suppose “His Last Rodeo” would come to mind; “Send Off” and “Buck Ramsey” would be high on the list. So would “The Saturday Outing” and “Letters From the Front.” Mentally scanning through the inventory of what I’ve written I can think of quite a few others that could qualify, but I better leave well enough alone. It’s like trying to pick your favorite child - just can’t be done. I’m sure that’s why I don’t submit to many publications and don’t submit often just can’t decide what to turn loose.

Lora: Who is your biggest writer inspiration?

T.C.: Buck Ramsey, whom I admire so much I wrote a poem about him, would be sort of a north star in my world of poetry.

But, for me, it’s not just about poets; it’s about songwriters like Kris Kristofferson, Blaze Foley, Townes Van Zandt; novelists like Cormac McCarthy, Michael Connelly, Larry McMurtry, Elmore Leonard. They all make me want to be a better writer.

Lora: Where can we find your writings?

T.C.: I’ve had some pieces published but have never put together a book. I do occasionally post a recording or video on Facebook.

Lora: What do you see in the future for yourself?

T.C.: Well, maybe I’ll finally get around to putting some pieces together and looking for a publisher. I’ve certainly had a lot of encouragement in that direction, and I have a lot of material. And, of course, I want to keep writing. I think I’ve gotten some better since 2012, but that quest never really ends. I’m involved in getting a new open mic event up and running in March, and I have another contact that I think will result in a third event.

Lora: Do you have another job?

T.C.: No, I don’t. I retired, for the last time, three years ago.

Lora: What is something you’d like to pursue but haven’t?

T.C.: I’d like to learn to play the guitar. I started lessons once but moved and didn’t pursue it any further. So, I need to start over with that.

Lora: What are three things (not people) that you cannot live without?

T.C.: Except for the obvious things to sustain life, nothing else comes to mind except my freedom. I suppose that being raised in poor circumstances and having to live those years without much of life’s window dressing made me adaptable. There’s a lot I wouldn’t want to live without, but I could, and I would survive. Also, there’s a lot I could have that I don’t want.

Lora: What hobbies do you have outside of writing?

T.C.: I’m not much of a hobby guy. I used to buy, drive and sell antique cars and trucks which was part love affair and part hobby/business, but that finally became too expensive for me. I’ve done some woodworking over the years and still enjoy that, but much of my life has been consumed by the work I’ve done. Probably not the best thing, but there it is.

Lora: Are you a music lover and what are the top songs on your playlist right now?

T.C.: Sure, I love music, but I don’t have a playlist or anything to play it on. If I did have one, it would probably include music by old-school country artists and some classical works. I don’t follow anybody in the music world of today, and I’m not into the latest gizmos and gadgets. My beat-up old flip phone is enough for me.

Lora: What advice would you give to beginning writers?

T.C.: I suppose I would tell them to listen to their own voice, write from the heart, don’t be restricted by what has gone before. When you place that blank paper before you, know that you can be anybody and go anywhere you will allow your mind to take you. Spend less time on the tech devices and more time gathering real life experiences. A love affair with an iPhone won’t make for much of a story.

Lora: What book are you reading now?

T.C.: I’m reading a Thomas McGuane collection of essays called “Some Horses.” He’s new to my list of writers, but I’m liking what I read. The last paragraph in one of the essays called “Chink’s Benjibaby” is the kind of writing that makes me stand in awe of the writer’s ability to make such a profound impression on me. That’s the kind of writing I strive for.

Lora: Name one entity that has encouraged and supported you outside of family and friends.

T.C.: I’m not sure how to answer that. Outside of my earthly friends and family it would have to be Jesus Christ, even though He too is family and friend and savior. He said He would never leave me or forsake me, and that promise has never changed or failed.

Lora: What have you learned from writing your poems?

T.C.: I think the main thing I’ve learned is that it’s never too late to start something new. I’m not a young man so having the gift of writing at this stage of my life is quite amazing.

I can honestly say that this interview was one of my top favorites, and I hope to have the opportunity to read more of T.C. Carter’s work and talk with him more.

If you would like to hear some of his readings go to YouTube or Facebook and search for him and his poetry and sit back with your beverage of choice and take in the stories he has to tell. I can promise it will leave you wanting to hear more. There is no substitute for what he brings to his readers.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” - Norman Vincent Peale

37

Baptism of Calm There is much to be said for a cold Sunday in February spent with your words and thoughts while snuggling under a blanket.

Yani plays softly in the background of the room as the rain falls gently outside the window. I sit here sipping hot cocoa.

A messy kaleidoscope Of ghosts swirled Relentlessly inside This once empty bruised Heart and soul of mine...

Needing just a mere drop Of love to quench my thirst In hopes to silence the monsters in this head of mine...

Only to find a simple smile To gently put them to sleep...

And quiet this rattled soul...

Finding such peace and comfort finally in her arms...

A sweet but delicate serendipity...

CORNER

POETRY

-CHELLE LANCE

Waves of emotions and life events wash over me like a baptism in the cold creek down from that old country church.

Somehow through all the change I have come to a cleansing that allows the peace and calm to reside in places in me I once thought were damned.

My Precious Child My arms feel so empty, Heart torn apart.

I ache to be a mother, When will I get my start.

This day gratitude is the theme and salvation is felt once again.

-LORA BUNCH

Are you clinging to a memory, of a person, place or thing, but every time it’s called to mind, you feel a little sting.

Let go of it, drop it now, your freedom is at stake, every time you bring things up, is often a mistake.

Some memories are worth keeping, the kinds that serve you well, the ones that make you laugh out loud, or make your heart strings swell.

But the ones we tend to keep nearby, are the ones we shouldn’t speak,

every time we bring them up, they tend to make us weak.

Please give yourself permission, to forgive, and then move on, some thoughts may need forgetting, just face them, you are strong.

Storms will come, and storms will go, send your past out with the wind, trust that happiness is your course, walk with Love, which Always Wins.

-SARA WINICK HERRINGTON

I’ve begged and pleaded, Down on my knees.

Arms stretched to Heaven, Hoping God really sees.

I’ll never feel your kicks, Or hear your heart beat.

But I will have my baby, My precious child I will meet.

God wrote my story different, A child I cannot bare.

He put it in my heart, To give other children care.

My arms won’t be so lonely, My love I will give.

Hold on my precious child, In my heart you will live.

-SHANNA DUDLEY

A music interview with...

T JAMES BAND The T James Band is the local house band at Rocco’s Pub in Jasper.

They are well known and much loved by the citizens. Every time they take the stage the house is packed. They were also the featured band for this year’s New Year’s Eve Party.

I have had the pleasure of attending many of their performances, and they never disappoint. It is great to see how they interact with the crowd and raise the energy of the place. People are always up dancing along and having a great time at every show.

Lora: Where are you from?

Terry: Marietta Heather: Bartow County Jason: Jasper Phil: Yellow Creek community Marty: Canton Lora: When did you get into music?

By LORA BUNCH

Terry: I started playing guitar at age 15 and started playing in bars at 17 when I was a senior

in high school.

Heather: I started singing at age 5.

Jason: I started playing drums when I was 10 years old.

Phil: I started playing music around 12 years old in my dad’s band. Mostly bluegrass in the beginning.

Marty: I started when I was 7.

Lora: What do you do in the band?

Terry: Sing and play rhythm guitar Heather: Sing Jason: Drums and vocals Phil: Bass and vocals Marty: Guitars Lora: Do any of you write songs?

Terry and Marty both do.

Lora: Do you recall a time when you just knew that music was something you had to do in life?

Terry: When I saw Alabama in 1982 and thought that’s what I want to do.

Heather: I’ve always just liked music Jason: Going to the Omni and seeing a lot of concerts in high school, and it was

William James: “The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

39

a dream of mine early on.

Phil: My dad had a band and that got me started, and it’s always been in the blood.

Marty: When I was 6 years old I saw a band with guitars playing on TV, and I wanted to play the guitar. I begged my parents for a guitar.

Lora: What places have you been doing shows?

Band: Rocco’s, Facebook videos, and from Alpharetta. Canton and Cartersville, mostly North Georgia for now.

Lora: Do you play any original songs?

Terry: Not yet but we want to add some in soon.

Lora: Is your family musical?

Terry: No Heather: yes, my granddaddy played piano for Loretta Lynn.

Jason: My Grandma sang in gospel quartet.

Phil: My Dad had the bluegrass band, and my uncles and cousins were playing music too.

Marty: My dad, and he taught me to play.

Lora: What’s your favorite song to play or sing?

Terry: My favorites are the ones we use harmonies and when we do ballads.

Heather: Everything because I just love music.

Jason: I like the high energy dance songs best.

Phil: Southern and classic rock and classic country are my favorites.

Marty: Classic rock and country mix.

Lora: Who is your biggest musical inspiration?

Terry: Keith Urban. I enjoy watching perform and playing guitar. Singing alone would be Vince Gill.

Heather: My Momma!

Jason: Greg Brooks and that’s who got me into playing drums.

Phil: Ricky Skaggs, Merle Haggard, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Vern Gosdin, and Bob Seger.

Marty: Chett Atkins, Jerry Reed, James Burton, Albert Lee, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Barry Bailey, and the Eagles Lora: Where can we find your music?

Band: Facebook and YouTube.

Lora: Where is a place you have not performed that you would like to?

40

Terry: Red Rocks Heather: Opry Ryman Auditorium Jason: Any arena or stadium Phil: Grand Ole Opry Marty: I like the smalltown venues to interact with the hometown crowd, but I would also like to play at the Fox. Lora: What would you like to see in the future for your music?

Terry and Heather: Original song or two in the next year and keep having fun.

Jason: The same as Terry and Heather but also add in more shows. We are doing what I love.

Phil: Keep doing what we are doing and show people what a good time we have and let people enjoy the music we play.

Marty: Keep building on what we are doing and moving forward. I want us to keep adding to the band by picking up more venues and expanding in area.

Lora: What are three things (not people) you cannot live without?

Terry: Saltwater fishing, the beach, and watching live music (I want the record to show that I wanted to say my wife but wasn’t supposed to pick people.)

Heather: Music, my dogs, love Jason: Drums, fishing, the beach Phil: Boating, hot wings, music Marty: Sports, music, guitar Lora: What are the top songs on your playlist right now?

Terry: New Brantley Gilbert, classic Journey and REO Speedwagon.

Heather: “Masterpiece” by Maranda Lambert Jason: Kid Rock and the Eagles Phil: Blake Shelton and Bad Company Marty: Atlanta Rhythm Section, the Eagles and guitar instrumentals Lora: How did you come up with your band name?

Terry: I used my real name when I first started the band, but we needed a name and we just used it at Rocco’s one night and it stuck.

Lora: Do you have a job outside of music?

Terry: Electrical contractor Heather: Waitress Jason: Co-owner of Brock Supply Company Phil: Truck driver Marty: Manager of a manufacturing company Lora: What hobbies do you have outside of music?

Terry: Fishing Heather: Crafts Jason: Fishing Phil: Fishing Marty: Just work, music and sports Lora: What would you like people to know about you and your music?

Terry: We are a blend of hardcore country and power rock melted by our influences.

Jason: If you haven’t seen us you are missing out.

Phil: This is one of the most fun bands I have ever played with.

Marty: I love to rehearse and play with the band. I can’t wait every time because it’s the greatest group and I’m excited.

Everyone in the band wanted to express that family is most important to them. They are all very dedicated to their families and know the importance of the people in their lives. Music is a part of them, and they love to share that with their fans.

It brings them all much joy to know that their music touches or relates to someone in the crowd. If you want to have a good time and meet some wonderful people, you should come to one of their shows.

They will not disappoint.

“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” - Edith Wharton

Expert advice to keep you feeling great!

THE HEALTHIEST YOU! 2019

THE HEALTHIEST YOU! - SPRING 2019

Regular massages pay dividends

T

AMERICAN MASSAGE THERAPY ASSOCIATION

he incredible benefits of massage are doubly powerful if taken in regular “doses.”

Professionals at the Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami explain the more massage you get, the greater benefits you reap. Here’s why: Experts estimate that upwards of 90 percent of disease is stress related. And perhaps nothing ages us faster, internally and externally, than high stress.

While eliminating anxiety and pressure altogether in this fast-paced world may be idealistic, massage can, without a doubt, help manage stress. This translates into decreased anxiety, enhanced sleep quality, greater energy, improved concentration, increased circulation, and reduced fatigue.

Furthermore, clients often report a sense of perspective and clarity after receiving a massage.

The emotional balance bodywork provides can often be just as vital and valuable as the more tangible physical benefits.

In response to massage, specific physiological and chemical changes cascade throughout the body, with profound effects. Research shows that with massage: lArthritis sufferers note fewer aches and less stiffness and pain. lAsthmatic children show better pulmonary function and increased peak air flow. lBurn injury patients report reduced pain, itching, and anxiety. lHigh blood pressure patients demonstrate lower diastolic blood pressure, anxiety, and stress hormones. lPremenstrual syndrome sufferers have decreased water retention and cramping. lPreterm infants have improved weight gain.

Research continues to show the enormous benefits of touch - which range from treating chronic diseases, neurological disorders, and injuries, to alleviating the tensions of modern lifestyles.

Consequently, the medical community is actively embracing bodywork, and massage is becoming an integral part of hospice care and neonatal intensive care units. Many hospitals are also incorporating on-site massage practitioners and even spas to treat postsurgery or pain patients as part of the recovery process.

25 REASONS TO GET A MASSAGE 1. Relieve stress 2. Relieve postoperative pain 3. Reduce anxiety 4. Manage low-back pain 5. Help fibromyalgia pain 6. Reduce muscle tension 7. Enhance exercise performance 8. Relieve tension headaches 9. Sleep better 10. Ease symptoms of depression 11. Improve cardiovascular health 12. Reduce pain of osteoarthritis 13. Decrease stress in cancer patients 14. Improve balance in older adults

15. Decrease rheumatoid arthritis pain 16. Temper effects of dementia 17. Promote relaxation 18. Lower blood pressure 19. Decrease symptoms of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome 20. Help chronic neck pain 21. Lower joint replacement pain 22. Increase range of motion 23. Decrease migraine frequency 24. Improve quality of life in hospice care 25. Reduce chemotherapy-related nausea

THE HEALTHIEST YOU! - SPRING 2019

4 tips to help your aging parents

I

FAMILY FEATURES

t’s not easy getting old, as the saying goes, and it can be even harder to watch your parents age. Helping parents transition into the later years of their lives can be a delicate matter, but there are ways to help them ease into an elderly stage and cope better with challenges.

Carol Lavin Bernick, former executive chairman of Alberto Culver, navigated this type of life transition with her parents. In her book, “Gather As You Go: Lessons Learned Along the Way,” Bernick offers tips to give and get joy while preserving your parents’ dignity in addition to wisdoms on business and leadership, philanthropy, dealing with tough times and being a working mom.

For example, consider these tips and ways to aid aging parents: Provide Entertainment Music can be a helpful gift - try loading a music player with a playlist of your parents’ favorite songs. Old movies can also spark conversation. Host a luncheon for some of their best friends and make their favorite treats. They may be housebound, but there are still ways for them to interact.

Adjust to Physical Changes Reading materials could require larger-than-normal print, and a magnifying clip-on screen for a computer can be helpful as well. Serving foods that are easier to cut can make eating a simpler process. Keep an eye on weight and nutrition and try to find someone who will make a house call for haircuts.

Relive Memories Encourage older relatives to write (or dictate) their thoughts on financial tips, military service, business success, valued life lessons and, of course, the stories of how they met their spouses. Make a family tree

together and try creating a photobook with old and new pictures. Share news about family members’ relationships and accomplishments, which might bring back personal memories.

Consider the Little Things Surprise your parents with a few new pieces of clothing for a thoughtful gift. Laminate a list of their medications and their doctors to keep with you in case of emergency and provide a copy to your parents and any other caregivers. Create a contact list on your parents’ mobile phone to help them easily reach family and friends without needing to search. If there are young children in the family, try bringing them by for a visit their energy and smiles may help brighten the room.

Find more tips to assist aging relatives at gatherasyougo.com.

Nicotine to help memory loss?

THE HEALTHIEST YOU! - SPRING 2019

A

FAMILY FEATURES

study unded by the National Institutes of Health is testing whether the nicotine patch can improve memory and functioning in people who have mild memory loss or Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI).

The largest and longest running study of its kind, the MIND (Memory Improvement through Nicotine Dosing) Study is looking for 300 volunteers at sites across the United States who have mild memory loss but are otherwise healthy, non-smokers over the age of 55.

“The MIND Study will provide valuable information for researchers with regard to early memory loss that is associated with normal aging and early Alzheimer’s disease, but we need volunteers if we are going to succeed,” said Dr. Paul Newhouse, MD, director of the Vanderbilt Center for Cognitive Medicine and lead investigator for the MIND Study.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, approximately one in five people age 65 or older have mild memory loss or MCI and are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias. Currently, there is no FDA-approved medication indicated to treat this condition; however, nicotine stimulates an area in the brain known to be important for thinking and memory, and scientists believe it could be an effective treatment for adults with MCI. “People often think nicotine is addictive and harmful because it is in tobacco products, but it’s safe when used in patch form,” Newhouse said.

“Nicotine is an inexpensive, readily available treatment that could have significant benefits for people experiencing mild memory impairment.”

The MIND Study needs 300 people to enroll in sites across the United

States. Researchers are looking for healthy, non-smoking adults over the age of 55 who are in the earliest stages of memory loss to participate in the MIND Study.

You, or a loved one, may be eligible to participate if you have been diagnosed with MCI or if you or your family members notice changes in your memory: * Are you or a loved one having difficulty remembering recent events? * Have you noticed changes in your memory or your loved one’s memory? * Is your memory as good as it was two years ago? * If you asked someone close to you about your memory, what would he or she say?

Potential study volunteers can learn more by visiting MINDStudy.org or calling 1-866-MIND-150.

THE HEALTHIEST YOU! - SPRING 2019

3 ways to make your heart healthier

D

FAMILY FEATURES

id you know that heart disease is the leading cause of death in the United States? One in four people die from it each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and millions more have it or are at risk of developing the disease. Smoking, being overweight or having diabetes, high cholesterol levels, high blood pressure or a family history of heart disease all increase your chances of getting the disease.

The good news is that you can do something about it.

“It’s never too late - or too early - to lower your risk for heart disease,” said Josephine Boyington, Ph.D., a nurse, licensed nutritionist and program director in the Division of Cardiovascular Health at the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI), part of the National Institutes of Health.

“Heart disease is a general term for a variety of conditions, such as clogged arteries, that make it difficult for your heart to pump blood properly,” she said. “Adopting small changes, like moving more and following a heart-healthy eating plan, can make a big difference. Research has shown that making healthy lifestyle changes that last can be a lot easier when you have friends or family doing it with you.”

The NHLBI - the nation’s leader in research on the prevention and treatment of heart, lung, blood and sleep disorders - is encouraging that kind of group support. It is celebrating “Our Hearts,” a national effort to motivate Americans to join each other in adopting heart-healthy behaviors throughout the year and beyond.

Ready to start? Here are three tried-and-true ways you and your friends and family can help each other give your hearts a boost.

1. Adopt a healthy eating plan. Try NHLBI’s Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH) eating plan. It’s free and, when compared to a typical American diet, has been scientifically proven to lower blood pressure and improve blood cholesterol levels. The DASH eating plan

features fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish, beans, nuts and lean meats, and it limits foods that are high in saturated fats, sugars and sodium. Have fun with menus by inviting friends to join you for a hearthealthy dinner party or start a lunch club at work and trade creative recipe ideas with your colleagues.

2. Move more and #MoveWithHeart. One of the major risk factors for heart disease is inactivity. Getting up and moving helps lower that risk and you don’t need to put in hours at a time to see results. Breaking up your daily activity into small chunks, such as 10-minute increments three times a day for five days a week, can begin to make a difference. To stay motivated, find a walking buddy or make a standing date to walk with a friend or neighbor, dance at home with your kids or play a pickup soccer or basketball game with colleagues. The bottom line: just move.

3. Quit smoking. It can be hard to stop, but the benefits to your lungs and heart are huge. For inspiration and to keep you motivated, consider a support group. You can find resources and connect with a trained counselor by calling 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visiting smokefree.gov.

For more information about heart health, and to discover what activities are going on in your community, visit nhlbi.nih.gov/ourhearts. Use #OurHearts on social media to share how you and your friends and family are keeping your hearts healthy.

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES 23

Have you ever noticed that some childhood memories stand out in stark relief? I think most of our childhood is like an impressionistic painting, blurred, vague and washed with faded color.

But then there are those memories that stand out as though highlighted with a bright yellow marker.

I remember the Christmas I was 2. (I would turn 3 in less than two months). The part I remember vividly is the doll under the tree. I was also about that age when Daddy drug me out of my warm bed early one morning, pulled back the curtain on the front door and revealed a fierce winter snowstorm that had everything covered and was coming down so hard I couldn’t see across the yard.

Another memory involves a neighbor. He and Daddy had grown up together and were still close hunting and fishing and camping. He had one brief failed marriage with no children. So he doted on me. The first talking doll came out, and of course, he bought it for me.

It had a crank in its back that when turned played “Rock a Bye Baby” inside the doll.

I was terrified of it.

I don’t remember what led up to the event, but I remember hiding behind the couch with the doll and yanking on the crank till it wouldn’t work anymore. Then it became my favorite doll for a while.

We had a black tomcat named Blackie.

He was the only animal in my childhood that was allowed in the house. He’d lie next to Daddy in the chair while Daddy read. But Blackie would also let me to dress him up in doll clothes and stroll him around the yard in my doll stroller.

We had a Boxer named Jinx. I thought she was a he until I was an adult. Daddy had won her in a poker game (I think) from a retired military guy who, when drunk, beat the dog. The dog hated anyone who smelled of alcohol and hated the man who lived down the street because he staggered when he walked due to a physical handicap.

Jinx was a good babysitter. I was told Kathi’s fifth birthday on she’d grabbed me by the seat of my diathe swing set. per when I was a toddler if she thought I

was getting too close to the street.

I remember sitting in an old green high chair whose tray had been removed so they could scoot me up to the dinner table at my great-grandmother’s Sunday dinners. She fried potatoes sliced very thin on her old wood cook stove. I’m sure they were fried in lard. She called them “pop taties” so that’s what I called them till I was up pretty big.

I remember coming home, and a swing set had magically appeared in our yard for my fifth birthday.

I couldn’t wait to learn how to read, and I was so eager to start first grade. What a delight to find out my teacher’s birthday was on the same day as mine!

Mother baked a chocolate cake and brought it to school.

In second grade I pulled a tooth at school. The teacher helped me wrap it carefully in tissue and place it in my purse.

Which someone stole at recess!

I was devastated. The principal did an all-out search for it and found my purse in the trash can. Two things were missing: my ice cream money and my tooth! I remember writing a long letter to the Tooth Fairy explaining my dilemma. Thank goodness I was believed, and I had money under my pillow the next morning.

My teacher was retiring after that year, and she kept me after school to give me a book she had as a little girl. “Honey Bunch Visits the Zoo” was the first big book I ever owned. It was almost falling apart then and got a little worse with my reading it over and over, but I still have the book.

When I was 7, Wagon Train was celebrating its bicentennial. All the men had to grow beards or were thrown in “jail,” which had been built on the square so the men could beg passersby to bail them out.

When bailed out, the money went to charity. Mother had a lady sew a long skirt and bonnet for me, and I won a contest that day. The gift certificate was for 10 dollars. I bought a Cinderella wristwatch with the money and learned to tell time that afternoon.

When my grandparents sold the grocery store and moved to the country, we moved into their house, which was right across the street.

It was a much bigger house, and I already loved it. Most the time, I still dream I’m in that house if I’m dreaming of being home.

Now, I had spent a great deal of my first seven years in that grocery store. They let me “run” the cash register (showing me what keys to push). I sat in the back and did paint by numbers at my granddaddy’s old oak rolltop desk. I played on the front porch, being greeted by

Continued on Next Page

The great Norwood, Ga. bank robbery Norwood was once a ghost town along Highway 278 in Warren County, but today even most of the ghosts have left. I don't know when it was established, but it had a post office by 1868. It thrived until the Great Depression and at one time had about a dozen businesses including a bank. In 1930 its population topped out at 401 but by 1940 it had fallen to 269 and stands at an estimated 227 today.

However, Norwood does have one major claim to fame. Three years after the end of the Civil War, six families hired a recently freed slave named "Uncle Jerry" Parsons to deliver and pick up their mail.

In all, the route was 10 miles long, and Jerry Parsons walked it every day for years except Sundays and holidays. I imagine that neither rain nor sleet nor snow stayed him from making his appointed rounds.

The local state senator, T. E. Massengale, lived in Norwood. He hired a young clerk from nearby Thomson named Tom Watson (yes, that Tom Watson) who would later go on to serve in the U.S. House of Representatives.

While in office in Washington, Watson remembered Jerry Parsons and the work he did so in 1893 he sponsored an act that created Rural Free Delivery (RFD). But that was not what I wanted to tell you about. I wanted to talk about the great Norwood, Georgia bank robbery.

Of the dozen or so buildings that used to face the railroad track, only one is left. But when I last was there in the 1980s they were all still standing. One of them was the bank. You could tell because it had the word bank in large white letters built into the brick facade on the front.

Now I can’t vouch for the truth of this story. I heard it second hand in Calhoun in the 1970s. But whether it is true or not, it makes a great story anyway.

It goes like this. The bank folded some time during the Great Depression and with it the town. Sometime later a local man said to be a state official of some sort needed a place for an office, mostly for the storage of his papers.

So he approached the man who owned the building who agreed and suggested he could just use the bank for free. But the local official wasn't comfortable with that so he offered to sell it to him for a pittance (the market for abandoned banks has never been a great one).

The state official took the deal and stored his papers in the safe. Well it wasn't really a safe anymore. It just had the vault door, but it was unlocked. The thick walls had been removed leaving only Sheetrock. But otherwise it still looked like a bank inside complete with banisters and teller windows, especially after he cleaned the place up.

He was a man of some foresight. He realized there was a possibility some nefarious character might think it was still a bank and try to rob it. So he put a sign on the safe door that read, "This safe is unlocked. It contains no money and is only used to store papers."

Now so the story goes that some years later two men were in the midst of a crime spree through several states in the South.

They happened to go through Norwood one night and noticed the bank. They figured that robbing it would be a piece of cake.

I don't think they were very intelligent. For instance they did not notice that all the buildings were vacant. Nor did they notice the sign on the vault door. Maybe they could not read or maybe it was just too dark.

By Ted Smith Marion T. "Ted" Smith is the author of a new book, “Life in the Park: A Novel.” It is available on Amazon and at Barnes & Noble.

Most of all, they did not question why a bank vault would have Sheetrock walls; they just busted through them anyway. Of course they found nothing except a bunch of papers and made a general mess.

The robbery was a local sensation, but there were no leads so it eventually faded from memory. That is until sometime later when the law caught up with the two men in Alabama and there was a shootout. One of the two was killed and the other mortally wounded. He was taken to the hospital under heavy guard.

Realizing that his number was up, he decided to make his peace with God and confess to all the crimes they had committed. It was a long list, and so it took up nearly all the time he had left.

It is said that when the list was completed he lay back on the bed prepared to meet his maker, but suddenly he sat up, a confused look on his face, and with his dying breath said, "Oh yeah, we robbed the bank of Norwood, and there wasn't a damn thing in it."

Southern Comfort

Continued From Previous Page customers as they went in. I can still smell the sweeping compound they used every night on the hardwood floors. I loved that building.

When I was tiny, I would play peek-a-boo with the delivery man. Our little house sat behind and above the store, and the screened-in porch was wall halfway up, so I’d crouch down. When I’d pop up, he’d act surprised and say, “Peek-a-boo!” cracking me up every time.

Mother also ironed on that porch in the summertime. She always cautioned me about never touching the iron. Once the phone rang, she left to answer it, and you guessed it, I couldn’t resist. Touching the tip of the iron was the most painful thing I’d ever experienced. A large upside down V appeared in a deep scarlet on the edge of my index finger. I remember trying to hide it from Mother, because I’d disobeyed. But the pain was so great she knew something was wrong. I think I remember her putting Unguentine on it.

And of course I remember a kaleidoscope of things – big snows, hot summers, cousins visiting, learning to ride a bike, rides in the country, camping trips, big gardens, visits to the zoo and other magical Christmases. There are a few bad memories those first seven or eight years, too, but those I don’t really want to recall!

Speaking of bad, I quit school in the third grade, but that’s another story for another time.

WHITE TEETH CRISIS!!!

Since retiring, I do a good job of keeping up with what’s going on.

Thanks to BREAKING NEWS and TV news programs, I’m well informed and attuned to the latest worldwide happenings. I get lots of good information from the internet, too. Some say I’m scatter-brained, but I’m not.

No important issue escapes my knowing about it.

Right here in the US of A there’s much to be concerned about. In the modern world things happen that need our immediate time and attention.

If you doubt my words, just watch the news. It’s available 24/7. You’ll be informed and shocked by some of the awful goings-on. But you’ll also see I’m telling you the truth and that I’m no scatter-brain.

The news isn’t all bad, like some say it is.

There’s good news, too. For instance, just last week I heard some about the place where I buy my toothpaste. The good news was reported that my drugstore now has three hundred and fifty-two distinct types of toothpaste. I didn’t believe it, so went down there to count them. They had exactly three hundred and fifty-two toothpaste types.

A person can’t get too much good accurate news or too many toothpaste choices. Why, back when I was a kid, we had only four choices: Crest, Colgate, Ipana or Pepsodent. My choice then was Pepsodent.

I liked their TV jingle that went: “You’ll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.”

Some people used Pepsodent because it had a magic ingredient— “Irium.” To me, back then, “Irium” sounded like something Superman may have brought with him when he came to the planet Earth. If it was fine enough for Superman, I reasoned that I needed it too. Time marched on and I have changed— I no longer use Pepsodent and I stay informed.

Come to think of it, only three TV stations reported the news back then. Hmm …Wonder what I missed out on knowing back then. But that’s not a problem now. News is everywhere and best of all, it’s free.

Today I worry and have real concerns. I fear two things mostly: run-

ning out of toothpaste and about the men who run big corporations. I’m especially worried about the man who’s over all those big drug stores where I get my toothpaste. I’m afraid he’ll quit and move to another big corporation that pays him more money. If this happens, I could have a crisis on my hands!

I could end up having, say, only one hundred distinct types of toothpaste from which to choose. Worse yet, my toothpaste choice could go away if the man leaves. I’m hoping that doesn’t happen. But I know the TV news will keep me up-to-date on this developing story as it unfolds.

It could easily happen. Here’s how. The poor drugstore CEO guy only makes two hundred and forty-seven times more money than his average employee. That number is far too low. It’s a data-based, model-driven, scientific and economic fact. I learned that important information by watching the TV business news.

Granted, his number is better than what Warren Buffet’s number once was—Buffet paid himself only eleven times more money than his employees. Is it any wonder his secretary paid more taxes than he back then? Buffet’s a buffoon! Same goes for that word peddler, James Patterson. I saw on Facebook that he’s out there giving away his books.

And that computer guy, Bit Head Bill Gates, he’s giving away all his money to poor folks.

Those three stooges should knock it off with all their charity nonsense.

They should watch more TV news like me and smarten up. Otherwise, they could end up scatter-brained, penniless, and not able to afford toothpaste or one of those twelve dollar toothbrushes I saw down at the drugstore.

And there’s no greater crisis than having yellow teeth or bad breath.

It’s a data-based, model-driven, scientific and economic fact. I know it’s a true fact because I saw it on the BREAKING NEWS. Joe Cobb Crawford is a contributing writer for The Best of the North Georgia Mountains and self-publishes his books through The Poetry Company. He’s a native of Fannin County,

By JOE COBB CRAWFORD

THE FUN PAGE

LET US MAKE YOUR SPECIAL DAY EVEN MORE SPECIAL!

ALL STAR FIREWORKS

www.allstarfireworkspyro.com

SPECIALIZING IN: lWeddings lBirthdays lGender Reveals lQuinceañera lBar Mitzvahs lReunions lCar Clubs

Retail Store At 976 Hwy 53 W/SW Calhoun, GA 30701 (770) 548-9296 Open 24 hours

PAW’S CORNER by Sam Mazzotta

PUZZLES4KIDS - by Helene Hovanec

Bullying leads to fat cat, thin cat (c) 2019 KING FEATURES SYNDICATE, INC.

DEAR PAW’S CORNER: I have two cats -- one very fat, and Whatever I want all your the other way too thin. you say! food tonight ...

OR ELSE! “Star,” my fat cat, was adopted a year before “Comet,” my skinny cat. You can probably guess that Star is the confident one, and in fact he bullies Comet a bit. And skinny little Comet is very shy -- he won’t let anyone except me pet him, and hides when anyone comes to visit. The trouble is, Comet is not gaining weight. I think Star is stealing his food, but Comet won’t eat unless Star is eating next to him. Any suggestions?

-- Worried Cat Mama in Oak Park, Illinois DEAR CAT MAMA: It can be tough to change a cat’s eating habits. Still, give it a try. Feed Comet as usual, next to Star, but observe them closely to see if your bigger cat is indeed taking Comet’s food.

Next, bring Comet into a separate room from Star and see if he will eat if you are sitting next to him.

A friend of mine who was experiencing a similar problem with her cats did this and had a lot of success.

The only drawback is that her cat now insists that she sit next to him and pet him while he’s eating!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t also suggest that you take Comet to the vet for a checkup, just to make sure that he doesn’t have any underlying health issues that could be preventing him from gaining weight.

The vet also may suggest a different food for Comet in the short term to make sure he’s getting plenty of nutrients.

Send your questions or pet care tips to ask@pawscorner.com.

A pet supply boutique providing quality products & full service grooming for cats and dogs in the greater Ellijay community Premium grooming by appointment; walk-ins accepted if schedule allows.

(c) 2019 KING FEATURES SYNDICATE, INC.

SOLUTION ON PAGE 53

ALL GOD’S CHILDREN PEDIATRICS 100 Market Place Blvd. Ste. 201, Cartersville 204 Professional Court, Calhoun

706-698-0108 petsonmain.com 108 N Main St, Ellijay

706-625-5900 www.agcpediatrics.com

SPOTLIGHT ON

BUSINESS Celebrating 28 Years!

APPLE A l DAY

Health Food Store Vitamins l Herbs l Specialty Foods

Louise Geary Crawford MENTION THIS AD FOR 10% OFF SUPPLEMENTS!

9-6 Mon-Fri l 9-5 Sat 5 Depot St., Ellijay, GA 30540

If you’d like your business to be in the Spotlight, call Mitch at 678-882-6741 for more details!

JUST KIDDING A collection of jokes designed to leave you with a smile on your face My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Why did the skeleton hit the party solo?

He had no body to go with him.

What do you call a snowman on a hot day?

Puddle.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

Why was the little strawberry crying?

His mom was in a jam.

A: Prankenstein.

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out. The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Where are average things manufactured?

The Satisfactory!

What did the tin man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

Curses, foil again!

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

If you’re American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in between? European!

What do you call a can opener that won’t work? A can’t opener!

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks!

How do you prevent a summer cold?

Catch it in the winter!

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for a gift? Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. Police said some heels started it.

I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it’d be a foot!

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

Q: What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, what’s your favorite kind of music? The other says, I’m a big metal fan.

There are three types of people in the world. Those who can count and those who can’t.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

Email us your favorite joke at bestofnorthgamountains@yahoo.com and we might use it in an upcoming issue.