8 minute read
Then There Were Three
Story by Lon Shoopman
THE YEAR WAS 1945
It was raining in Chicago. William and Kathryn Barber were traveling by taxi to a nearby hospital to claim their adopted daughter. She had been born 3 days earlier on Kathryn’s birthday.
The birth mother, Lucienne, an emigrant from France, worked at the Chicago YMCA, where many members of the United States Army were housed.
A soldier named Bill Harm became a friend, and then a lover. Lucienne became pregnant. Their situation was deeply troubling. It was wildly scandalous in those days to be pregnant and unwed. Moreover, Bill was already married. He had wed in 1942, and fathered a daughter, Evelyn, now three years old. He was in the process of obtaining a divorce, but it would take time. Dr. Coulon, a trusted family physician, suggested a possible solution.
He spoke of a couple who had been married five years. During this time, the wife had two miscarriages and a baby that was stillborn. They desperately wanted a child.
With evident courage Lucienne and Bill concluded, given the present circumstances, their child would have a better life with these adoptive parents.
Within a few weeks, Bill’s divorce was final. He and Lucienne were married. In years to come they had two additional children. A daughter, Mignonne, and a son named Dwight. They never told anyone about their first born child. LUCIENNE HARM BILL HARM
Lucienne Harm
Bill Harm
Aragon Ballroom
Aragon Ballroom
YMCA Hotel — Chicago
William and Kathryn delighted in their new daughter. They welcomed her into their home and into their hearts. She was given a family name, Florence Edith Barber.
Her parents never let her doubt she was loved. With her Mom and Dad she learned lessons in faith, family and kindness. Flo always knew she was adopted. “I was told I was adopted, before I knew the meaning of the word,” she remembers.
“Mom and Dad were wonderful. With them I always felt I had won the adoption lottery,” she adds. Flo spent the first twelve years of her life in Chicago before her family moved to Florida.
In her teens, Kathryn and William told her what they knew about her biological parents, and the possibility of siblings. They offered to help her search if she wanted to try and make contact with them. Flo declined. “I was not interested,” she recalls. “I was happy and content with my life.”
After college, Florence married and had two daughters in her 20’s. It was not long after the birth of her first child that Flo’s Mom handed her an envelope one day, simply saying, “These are your adoption papers.” Flo placed the envelope in a filing cabinet and gave it no thought. It was several years later that she examined the papers. She found herself astonished. The papers contained the name of her birth mother, Lucienne Harm.
As you grow older, you become busier. Time goes faster and faster. The months push each other rudely out of the way. Quickly days slip off the calendar into the past.
With the joy of Florence in their lives, Kathryn had a successful pregnancy and gave birth to Anna just 20 months later, so Florence grew up with a sister.
Above: the Barber family.
Left: Kathryn and Bill on their wedding day, June 1, 1941
THE YEAR WAS 2013
The poet, Edwin Markham, said, “Choices are the hinges of destiny.”
In her 67th year, Flo Barber Hancock made a simple choice that changed her destiny and that of several other people.
Companies began offering DNA testing around 2005. Soon, more than 30 million people had submitted their DNA for evaluation. DNA testing is a powerful tool for discovering countries of origin, finding family or uncovering unknown health risks. Florence Barber was interested in knowing more about health risks. By this time she had 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters, and having medical information to share with them was growing in importance.
“I decided I had put, ‘Adopted, medical history unknown’ on forms far too many times,” Flo said. In early June, 2013, Flo Barber-Hancock made a choice that her husband Dallas fully supported. She ordered a DNA testing kit from “23andMe,” submitted her sample and waited. The results were returned to Flo in late June. The section dealing with relatives offered nothing of promise.
Flo had no way of knowing, her half-sister Evelyn, who was age three when Flo was born, had made a similar choice. She also submitted her DNA to “23andMe” for analysis. Strangely, “23andMe” did not connect the two women. Finally, in August, Flo connected with Ann Simmons, a RN in California, was a likely 2nd cousin. Flo contacted Ann seeking information about her birth mother, Lucienne Harm. Ann knew nothing. Flo’s hope of finding her birth family began to wane.
On a separate occasion, Evelyn contacted Ann to try to determine how they were related. Ann did not know. It did occur to Ann that the two women identified as possible 2nd cousins might help each other. Ann asked Flo for permission to forward her information to Evelyn. Flo agreed. She had not checked her emails from 23andMe for over two months, so she was about to get a big surprise!
Florence Barber, 1974
Florence Barber, New Year's Eve 1972
Mignonne & Dwight Harm
Dallas & Florence Barber-Hancock
Mignonne & Jack Alman
Front Row:Dwight, Mignonne, Lucienne, Florence & Evelyn Second Row: Lai, Jack, Ted, Dallas, Dick, Back Row: Christine, Liv and Gregory
Immediately Evelyn wrote to Flo: “OMG!!! Lucienne is my stepmother!!! ” Did this mean her Mother was still alive? The half-sisters immediately got on the phone to talk. Evelyn assured her, Lucienne, now age 92, was alive and living in California. Sadly, Bill passed away in 1992. Evelyn also informed Flo she had a sister and a brother. Flo’s heart pounded with excitement! Flo now knew about her birth family, but they did not know about her. It was left to Evelyn to inform her half-brother Dwight, who was living in Los Angeles. She called him later that evening and began by asking, “Are you sitting down?”
Breathlessly, she shared her conversation with Flo. Additionally, Evelyn’s daughter, Kate, had found a You Tube video of Flo. She bore a striking resemblance to Mignonne.
“I was stunned,” Dwight recalls, “But as the evening wore on, I became convinced Flo was the real thing.”
It was then Dwight’s turn to make a call to his sister Mignonne in Knoxville, Tennessee. He began with the same question. “Mignonne, are you sitting down? I think we have a sister!”
Initially Mignonne was flabbergasted, but then thrilled and deeply grateful their sister had found them.
The one person who did not yet know about Flo was her mother. Evelyn, Mignonne and Dwight conferred and it was decided Dwight was the logical one to talk with his Mother since she lived only four blocks from his home.
One day he had a quiet conversation with his Mother. “I want us to talk about something that may be difficult for you, from when you lived in Chicago,” he began. When he told her about a call from an apparent daughter, Lucienne quietly shared with him the story of her pregnancy and the birth and adoption of her baby. Dwight does not remember his Mother being emotional as they talked, but rather deeply relieved to know the daughter she had thought of each day across these many years had known a good life. She wished that her husband Bill, Flo’s father, had lived to hear this happy news.
A few days later, Flo and Lucienne talked by phone for the first time. Flo expressed her deep appreciation to her Mother. “When you were a young woman, needing a home for your baby, you had the courage to place me in a loving, happy home and I am grateful,” Flo said.
Mignonne also made a call to Flo to say, “Hi, I am your sister Mignonne. I am so glad you have found us. Can you and your husband come to our home in Knoxville at Christmas for a family reunion?” The answer was “Yes!”
Evelyn and her husband Richard, Dwight and his wife, Lai, and Lucienne all arrived at Mignonne and Jack’s home, before Flo and her husband Dallas.
The hours leading up to seeing Flo for the first time were filled with nervous excitement. When at last someone shouted, “She’s here!” There was a rush to the door.
When Flo walked into Mignonne’s home, into the arms of her family, the room erupted in shouts and rejoicing. There were tears and embraces. In the coming hours, Lucienne and Flo, repeatedly embraced and wept.
Finding what they thought they’d lost forever….was a gift from God.
