Panos

πάνος panos 09.27.21 (ng house, stanford, ca)

Chaidie Petris

panos always smoked his bread and cigarette over the same ash the dollars from the bakery eating up his matches and hash just something that would make the burnt up moment last like the mud ovens full of bread and temples to hashish

more holy than the cross he wore around his neck more holy than that cross he wore like a brand of bondage or a symbol of his homage his holy devotion like the candle he plants in the sand under the mantle of his authority lord

that his parents adored his mother holding up her clasped hands on the foor and his father who abandoned him sang his tone-deaf hymnal blues and paid his dues but left him at seventeen when he took that train to germany

ω πατέρα γιατί με εγκατέλειψες; με εχεις μπερδεψει που έχεις πάει; πανός καίς το τσιγάρο σου στο θεό σου αλλά σύντομα θα σε κάψει και πατέρα μου

oh father why have you abandoned me? you left me confused where have you gone? panos burns his cigarette to his god but soon he will burn you too, my father

panos do you remember all those days i came running to you there not there blacked out on the couch you never knew

how many times i came to you bleeding cuz you were staring at your demons but never at me

panos i remember your cigarette smoke plainly the clouds of it in the silverdale park disappearing with the growing fade of that silver dark where i never heard the words of your apology for abandoning me

panos you’re not the father you saw in your parents’ glory i’ll not be your child or your new authority i see your lined face through the stained glass of saint demetrios and the shadow of a cross on the back of panos

ω πατέρα γιατί με εγκατέλειψες; με εχεις μπερδεψει που έχεις πάει; πανός καίς το τσιγάρο σου στο θεό σου αλλά σύντομα θα σε κάψει και πατέρα μου

oh father why have you abandoned me? you left me confused where have you gone? panos burns his cigarette to his god but soon he will burn you too, my father