Dealing with squawking Amazons through language barriers

By Chris Roosa

I’ve written before about my love of birds while growing up in Michigan. It was always a wonderful awakening of springtime to hear the return of robins after a long hard winter.

My first pet bird was a Double Yellow Headed Amazon. However, I kept her just a short period of time once I realized she must have previously been owned by a Hispanic person. She only spoke Spanish. Not being fluent, I couldn’t understand a word she said.

So I returned her to the pet store and acquired an English-speaking Amazon.

Myka No. 2 started out sweet, but at age 10, when her hormones kicked in, she became mean. My fingers were constantly bleeding, my nose scabbed up. She crinkled several gold necklaces with her powerful beak, dangled

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from my hoop pierced earrings and screamed “Ma!” every time she saw me preparing food.

One day a friend showed up at my front door.

I was out back at the barn, with the horses, and Mary didn’t see me. She rang the doorbell and Myka, the Amazon, yelled, “Hello!” Mary identified herself to the bird.

With that, Myka replied, “Hi, how are you?”

Mary politely responded, and then the bird asked her, “What’s ya’ doing?” Mary went into a lengthy explanation of why she had stopped by. There was silence from the other side.

Mary then yelled, “Chris?” She heard another “hello,” so she continued talking. More silence.

Finally, Mary said, “Chris, are you

Please see BIRDS on page 10SC

BIRDS from page 9SC there?”

To which Myka replied, “Here, kitty kitty, meow-meow!”

Mary later told me she paused for a moment, and then realized she’d been talking to a parrot for seven minutes.

Mary was so impressed with my parrot that she decided to buy an African Gray. They too are very vocal.

Mary was a very refined young woman. In fact, we all called her “Nice Mary” because she was the epitome of a true lady. She had grown up performing, on stage, as a ballerina. She later became a ballet instructor. She was trim, extremely pretty, with natural blonde hair piled in a chignon atop her head.

Mary had had her pet bird only a few days when she decided to invite the minister and his wife over for dinner.

Mary spent the day preparing a delicious meal for the couple. The bird cage was in her formal dining room. Dinner was served, conversation was light and cheerful. The minister was intrigued with the African Gray. He asked Mary if it talked, and Mary assured him that she was told the bird had quite a vocabulary.

The minister began talking kindly to the African Gray, whereupon the bird opened up with “Hi,” followed by every filthy, vulgar swear word known to mankind.

Of course, Nice Mary was horrified while the minister sat there with his mouth hanging open. There were probably skid marks down the driveway as Mary immediately returned the bird to its former owner.

What’s the moral of this story? Be careful what you say in the company of a talking bird!

Fun at Mayfest

For anyone missing their grandchildren, here’s a reminder of how much fun – and how messy – they can be. This photo was taken after the pie-eating contest at the recent Mayfest, held May 13 in Old Town Bluffton.