JUNIOR DOCTORS DESERVE BETTER

During an interview with The Doctor, Jim Down takes a moment to support junior doctor colleagues who, just days before the conversation, had voted overwhelmingly in favour of industrial action. ‘I think it’s very tough for them, if I’m honest,’ he says. ‘When I came out…30 years ago it was hard, some of the hours were ridiculous, but we didn’t leave medical school with £100,000 worth of debt, we were relatively better paid, and we had a kind of knowledge that it will be OK in the end. I think for junior doctors now it is very different.

‘I support them in taking action because I think we’ve got to look after them a bit better than we do now.’ wrong things.

‘Over and over again I kept asking myself why I didn’t think of Boerhaave. I pictured Linda with her sly smile, making pithy remarks the year before, and as I did so, the guilt and self-loathing welled up in me. I could think about nothing else. I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t know what to say to my children and I couldn’t see the point of anything. I couldn’t remember how to enjoy things. I didn’t think I deserved happiness. I kept imagining what her brother and son were doing now. How were they feeling? Were they coping?

When I went for a walk and saw people laughing and messing about, I felt angry. Why were they happy? Did they not know that she was dead?

‘My anxiety level rose and fell and rose again. For a while it would feel manageable, but then something would remind me of what had happened and it would start to build, a knot ratcheting tighter and tighter in my stomach.

‘I felt sick as intrusive negative thoughts bombarded my consciousness. I could explain to Tish what was happening quite rationally, but I couldn’t stop it.

‘The terrible thoughts just kept coming and, with them, panic. You are not good enough. You should have done better. You’ve been getting away with it for years. You need to work harder, or give up. It’s time to face it, you’re just not up to the job.’