What it Means to Look and Be American Through the Lens of a Jew

by Rachael Dionisio | Design by Emma Hill

“Your nose is so big and long for your face,” kids would say to me on the bus in elementary school, referring to my hooked, aquiline nose. Wait, but I was white. American. Just like them. Why did my features stick out? And why did they stick out negatively? Why was I being made fun of when I looked just like them? I mean...we had the same skin color after all.

When I was a little girl, I never understood the concept of European ethnicity in America. I thought that white people were just...American–the standard, true-blood American. And anyone who didn’t have my skin color must have originated from another culture. Those people have non-American ethnicities, I thought because they didn’t look like me.

Growing up white it was easy to fall victim to the mental trap that the default American is Caucasian, regardless of their European ethnicity. In my juvenile mind, all European ethnicities were just blended to create what an American should look like, and any people of color were “foreign” to the United States. It never crossed my mind that the Americans that didn’t match my race were not the only ones to have ethnic backgrounds, “non-American” ethnic backgrounds, to be precise.

I eventually learned that white Americans have German or Italian or French roots, and therefore, none of us are “trueblood” – but didn’t we all look more or less the same? Similar to how most white Americans struggle to distinguish between various Asian nationalities and subconsciously stereotype all Asians as being one, united race, I thought that all white people in America were also lumped together as one.

My nose is Jewish. I am ethnically Jewish. Jewish people identify as white. White is what I thought was the default American.

Why was I being ridiculed for my physical appearance when I thought all Americans of European descent were in the same boat? It never made sense to me, how only the Indigenous people of America were truly American, yet somehow certain European ethnicities look more

“American” than others. After this realization, I pondered the thought: What does it even mean to look American, then?

The psychology behind me being mocked for my physical appearance is that I didn’t match the beauty standard for a classic American. My features stuck out. Being of white European descent, my characteristics should have corresponded to the ideal of beauty, but America is built on irony and hypocrisy. Why are Americans of Jewish origin treated as less of an American than those of Italian or Irish or Swedish descent?

I then realized I wasn’t just picked on on the elementary school bus, I was racially profiled with anti-semitic motivations.

You may be thinking, how can you label a naive, little kid as having morals backed by racial discrimination? Through my cultural exploration journey, I have learned that it all starts with the racial morals taught at home. It starts with how white America has created false narratives of social norms that claim that all white people share the same beliefs about their race.

Parents rarely think about the implications of their white children’s words to other white children about their cultural features. I don’t even think all parents understand that their white children can have cultural features. They think, how is it possible for my kids to discriminate against their own race? Aren’t they the same amount of “American?”

According to a survey by the Pews Research Center, more than 90% of American Jews think there is at least some anti-Semitism in the country, and 75% say it is worse now than it was five years ago. Among the Jews who claim anti-Semitism has increased, the more typical explanation is that Americans who hold these views now feel more free to express them, rather than the belief that the actual number of Americans who hold these views has increased.

With every year that passes, it is becoming more and more normal in the US to openly treat Jewish Americans as less. I am not even religiously Jewish myself and have still experienced anti-semitism solely based on my physical traits. I still get snickers from people my age when I tell them that I have a strong Jewish origin as if they don’t take me seriously. They make me feel ashamed for my ethnicity even though they aren’t fully educated on Jewish values, morals, or culture. They stereotype me based on the image that Germans created about Jews, and the US adapted. It never made sense to me. I never understood how I can instantly be targeted for my culture in a derogatory way when I always thought I exemplified what an American should look like. Then, the narrative flipped.

“Your features are so interesting. What’s your ethnicity?” I would get asked 10 years later, once my innocent, child face developed into a woman’s.

“Are you Jewish? You’re beautiful,” I was told by an Orthodox Jew this summer at work. That wasn’t the first identification of my Jewish origin I’ve experienced. I was honored to hear people of my culture validate my features and acknowledge me as one of them. In those moments, I felt I was proud to ethnically stick out. I will never confidently say that I am proud to be an American, but I will always say that I am proud to be an American with such identifiable physical traits from my cultural heritage.

When the perception of my physical being evolved in the public eye, my internalizations of what beauty represents in America did as well. I realized that my ethnicity does have the ability to help define my physical beauty. I finally began to believe that I had the right to embrace my characteristics after feeling detached from and alone inside my race for so long. Now, I take pride in being told that my features are interesting. I feel empowered when people tell me that I look

“unique” for a white person. I feel seen, heard, and appreciated. I don’t want to fit a mold. I don’t want to be classified as “traditional.” I always had the drive to stand out in some way, and feeling acknowledged and even celebrated for my ethnic background allows me to feel that way. I feel giddy when another Jew lights up in realization of a distant genetic connection.

Today, I often think to myself: if kids that have the same skin color as me couldn’t appreciate or at least normalize what I look like, that’s fine. I never needed their approval. Being validated by my ancestors is the only approval I need and ever will need. When I think back on my path to self-acceptance, I realize that I was letting my confidence erode more and more with each time I was teased as a child for having “larger than average” features. All of those years, I allowed external forces to control my self-perception and destroy my self-esteem. I never understood for so long why I was made to feel isolated because of my physical presence when in my head, I looked just like the people that were making fun of me. It always seemed like the most counterproductive psychological loophole that I’ve ever encountered. I mean, how can anyone justify bullying a kid, let alone targeting their physical appearance, let alone falling victim to racial prejudice without even realizing it?

I grasped that every time I was being ridiculed, I was experiencing the ethnic stereotyping and profiling that white America is built on – the type of behavior that is not taught at home or in school but is already injected into kids’ veins. The United States of America is historically built on racism and ethnic discrimination. White Americans haven’t been able to shake their biases for centuries, which is why the following generations are also capable of racial profiling. As a result, white kids on the bus tease other white kids that look like me, without realizing any fault in their actions. It is plain wrong to bully a kid in general, but when it is done with racially discriminatory motives that go unnoticed, it becomes clear that America has a lot to internalize.

I still don’t know what it means to look American or to have “traditional features,” but at least I’ll always know that I don’t think of myself as “more American” now that my features have started to be perceived positively. I also know that every American has a cultural and ethnic background that deserves to be acknowledged, understood, and embraced. On this land, no one is any less American than another. Most of us that are currently breathing American air and standing on American soil are not indigenous. We can’t claim any culture to be our own. America is not one-size-fits-all. We are an influx of everything and everyone, and we should have pride in that.

The US has a long way to go and a lot to unlearn during the quest to reverse subconscious racism. But I believe in a tomorrow where there is no model of what an American should look like.