Tekpen Refill 0.1 by The Buttress

COVERED BY THE COSMOS ILLUSTRATION BY ANE JANELLE MUENA

E d itor's N ote Eight Tekpen releases had taken the ride. Refueling the journey comes with the power of this REFILL. Down those roads of every SEAn glee and pain, once more, Tekpen drives all passion behind SEAn will. So, Know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s HOT, Keep that SPOT.

Virjo-Anne L. Lacasandile Chief Editor 3

Babala Ang tilaok ng tandang sa madaling araw Ang pahiwatig na ang bagong umaga ay daratal Sa kabila ng bundok, sa gawing silangan Ang ginintuang bola’y sisikat na naman Nagbabagang bilugang apoy nang yao’y magtagal Madaling natigang ang mga ilog, sapa at batisan Ang pisngi ng langit ay kaagad nalambungan Ng puting busilak at lumutang-lutang sa kaitaasan Anupa’t katahimika’y kaydaling naparam Sa dagundong ng kulog na umaalingawngaw Matalas na kidlat ay gumuhit sa kalawakan Ang dating malambing na ulap ngayo’y naging ulan Ulan na malakas, iniyak sa kalupaan At ang luntiang kapataga’y nagmistulang karagatan Maraming inosenteng buhay ang nalunod at binawian Sa mga naulila’y dalamhati ang naiwan Ang ihip ng amihan at ang bugso ng habagat Pinalalaki mga dambuhalang daluyong sa dagat Sa kabundukan nama’y mga puno ang bumabagsak At sa kapatagan, mga buhay ay nawawasak Tahimik na paligid biglang nagulantang Dahil mapamuksang lindol ay yumanig sa kabayanan Maraming gusali ang gumuho at nagdaganan Nabiyak pa ang lupa pati na ang mga daan Mayroon pang naganap na higit na kinatatakutan Ang pagsabog na nanggagalaiting bulkan sa katimugan Iniluwal ang lahar gayundin ang putik na nagbabaga Iba’t ibang suliranin, katapusa’y ito na yata Ito na marahil ang sa ating mga tao’y isang babala At mga senyales mula sa Dakilang Maylikha Na tayo’y hindi dapat magsawalang bahala Upang sa paghuhukom tayo’y nakahanda

Astray Muddy skies Gradients of orange and grey With little droplets of blue Rays fade into darkness. Night engulfs day. Stars migrate north. Wheezing air passed by. Blood-sucking insects above my head A thought poked me. The battle has commenced. One has braved. Pinpoint pain felt Slapped it with my sweaty palm. Burst into death Another life wasted. 6

VITA ET MORTE We live as if we have all the time in the world. The illusion of infinity defeats the reality of death. The ticking of the clock, the calendar, the years and age Night and day, everyday These things are constantly reminding us that our days Are numbered and measured. They are like death sentences disguised as numbers and rotation But we fail to notice And we waste so much time. Live.

Lost Soul

You are modest to a fault about what aches simply talking audibly of expiring dreams and their trampled profanity in jest. You may not be able to pinpoint the pieces that cut deep, that bled so much more than youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be able to put into words. Your cries are like drips of water falling through the molecules of oxygen so tightly wound together in a vast ocean. You attempt to hide the scars, dark nights, shallow days where your mind is raving and heart beating fast. Your world defies circles delicately intertwined forming webs, spirals, shades of the crestfallen. You are forced to walk on memory alone virtually haunted in the sulking sinkhole of despair. You are badly needing comfort from the bizarre punishment you are inflicting on yourself. You try to numb the feeling of wanting to unravel your broken without a witness. You courageously combat your inner demons like a lone warrior in call for help. You engulf on unbearable pain despite the emptiness heaving in. You are fragmented in a way that people can almost love you. You manually displace your heartbeat with trepidation. You push away the people who care the most. Your essence is broken with the nails of hell. Your world is gray. Your soul is lost.

Barely Lethal Regret, it’s all what is left Time passed Moments slipped Irreversible, Untraceable. Regret, it gnaws your very core Words should’ve said Actions should’ve done Unsettling, Intimidating. Regret, always comes in the end A tattoo inked in your soul A scar etched in your bones Unaccepted, Intended. Regret, clings to your only hope The phantom that lingers The veil that shuns Haunting, Taunting.

Kaya Ginawa ang nararapat, Kulang pala. Kaya â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;to. Pilit isinalba, Pilit ibinangon, Kulang pa rin. Kaya pa. Lagpas sa makakaya, Higit sa mga dating gawa, Kulang pa rin. Kaya pa ba? Maâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;am/ser, 219 lang naman!

STARDUST How does it feel living under a black dome with splashes of white from everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bones? How would it feel to die under this dome? Would we float up high and feel like coming home?

Unforgettable Nothings I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite forget The misty mildew mornings And endless elate evenings Full of positively potent Polaroid From those vivacious vanilla voids I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite forget The most assuring arrays of affection Threaded with sweet sedating sensations At the center fields of fervent frolics Away from current causes of conflicts Truly wondrous, iridescent and calming These are my unforgettable nothings

Two Sides of A Coin He destroys himself in a way that produces memories: “I have done these things but I carry no kind of regret for these are the stories I can tell when I grow old.” She destroys herself in a way that produces melancholy: “I have done these things that I will forever regret for these are not stories that I ever want to be told.”

Torete Matagal na kitang sinusubaybayan Naghihintay na ako’y kilalanin, kumustahin at lapitan Kaya ako’y natatakot na iyong iwasan At isantabi lamang ang aking nararamdaman Tuwing ikaw ay nakikitang dumaraan Inaabangan kong ako’y iyong ngitian Kaya sa pagpanhik ko sa milyong baitang ng hagdan Ako’y tumatawag pa ng kwento kahit ako’y matagalan Dahil ikaw ay hinihintay na ako’y sabayan Minsan ay nakita kitang nag-iisa sa kung saan Habang ako’y nakaupo sa isang sulok at ang pader ang sandalan Bigla akong kinabahan at akala ko’y ako’y iyong lalapitan Ngunit bigla kang napatigil at nagmistulang estatwa sa kinatatayuan Ilang beses ko nang tinangkang ikaw ay makilala Ngunit ang aking puso’y nababalot ng pangamba Ano mang lakas ng loob ang sa sarili’y idikta Takot at pag-aalinlangan pa rin ang nangunguna Lagi kitang inaasam na makausap Ngunit sa salamin lang ito nagaganap Doon lamang kitang nahahalikan at mahigpit na nayayakap Habang nakapikit at parang tangang nangangarap Kailan kaya tayo tuluyang magkakakilala? Dapat na nga ba akong huwag nang umasa pa? Kuntento na kasi akong palagi kang nakikita Bakit ba kasi torete ako sa’yo, p*******a!

Torpe Marahan kang naglalakad at binaybabay Ang milyong baitang ng hagdan May tumawag pa nga sa’yo ng kwento Kaya ika’y medyo natagalan Nais ko nga sanang ikaw ay sabayan Makipagkilala, kumustahin, makipagkwentuhan Kaya lang ay nabuo sa aking puso Ang isang malaking pag-aalinlangan Minsan ay nakita kitang nag-iisa’t Tahimik na tumungo sa kung saan Naupo sa isang sulok, ang pader ay sinandalan Nagmukmuok at tila may nararamdaman Tinangka kong ikaw ay lapitan Umupo rin at ikaw ay tabihan Kausapin, kumustahin, makipagkwentuhan At tanungin kung ano ang bumabagabag sa iyong kalooban Kaya lang, nabuo na naman sa puso ko ang pag-aalinlangan Napatigil at nagmistulang estatwa sa kinatatayuan Nakuntento na lang na ika’y pahapyaw na sulyapan Napapangiti na lamang habang pinagmamasdan ang iyong kagandahan Lagi kitang inaasam na makausap Ngunit sa salamin lang ito nagaganap Doon lamang kitang nahahalikan at mahigpit na nayayakap Habang nakapikit at parang tangang nangangarap Kailan kaya tayo tuluyang magkakakilala? Dapat na nga ba akong huwag nang umasa pa? Kuntento na kasi akong palagi kang nakikita Bakit ba kasi ang torpe ko, p*******a!

The Bliss Under Her Shade Lady Of Death You make me hallow and empty inside Coward I was to not leave you far behind For such joy I feel when you are beside Though ill truth I see but for you I unmind Lady Of Lust You enchant me with your scented sweet cheeks Desirably you force your flavored soft lips Alluringly everyday these I seek Although you leave me morning after eclipse Lady Of Dark You consume and fill me with loneliness So dark you are but dimness you lighted Neglected I feel, for you leave me breathless Still I stay, with you my heart is contented Lady of Mine You are death, black wings you merely display You are lust, greed in me i cannot efface Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re dark, shadows forming abaft then fray All I accept dear beloved, you are my grace

Astrologer I hold the pen to control what I write to account for what my destiny is like to reveal inklings of sentiments Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve piled of mistakes I dated of the remorse I hide of the measureless mess that is my life. But I still believe that the star-filled sky is the real author of my wrongs and rights.

I am the Sea My blue depths call out as my waves repeatedly recede back to my half-calm surface where monsters lurk beneath. I reflect the sky above but it does not reflect my sea for what lies beyond the sky is lovelier compared to me. I see calm by the light of day but show rage by the dark of night when everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sound asleep and oblivious to my ugly sight.

The Hope in Epilogues I gave him the notebook I kept, a library - a worded armory - of all that I couldn’t say to you. I had hoped, when I was filling the pages, that you would read it one day, that I would have enough courage to look you up, or perhaps simply ask your address from your mom, and I could happen to go somewhere and, oh, isn’t that my first love? Let me leave this for him. Maybe he’ll want to read it. But I never had that kind of courage. The kind I have, though, fueled my reason to let this guy beside me read it. Let him get a glimpse of my mind, of my shattered dreams, of my wiped-out hope, of the suffering girl that bore my face who I kept hidden in the darkest recesses of my memories. He thumbed through the notebook’s pages - yellowed at the edges, some of them bearing soft warps from nights of crying myself to sleep. He held the notebook carefully, delicately, like he knew how important it was to me, and how much I loved it, and how you are the things you love, and how I let that little notebook define me. Pretend you love it and hold it in so many ways, but you let it slip from your hand so it kisses the ground instead. Falling. Not in love, not out of it. Just falling. “They’re beautiful. Your poems.” He offered the notebook back and I took it gently, taking in the familiar shape of it. Its weight. Its texture. My companion on long, unbearable nights. I held it to my chest and raised my gaze up to his. He never stopped looking at me. He knew I wrote the words for you. “They’re beautiful,” I agreed. Not arrogant, not cocky. Just a matter of fact. “Because that’s what they should be.” He looked at me and asked, “What do you mean?” I didn’t answer right away, so he waited for it. He let me take a deep breath. He let me delay my answer and appreciate my ability to take deep breaths instead. He let me take long, slow inhales without the worry of disturbing the weight of the world on my shoulders, without the worry of causing it to tip over and shatter at my feet. The weight wasn’t so heavy anymore. He made sure to help me with that. I found him watching me before I answered. “Poetry, art, music - these are the beautiful side effects of things that are very bad in large doses: hurt, loneliness, distraction, anger, melancholy, numbness, regret.” I paused and laughed a little. “What else is their point if they’re not beautiful? They’ll be as bad as unnecessary as the ugly things we feel.” “Hmm” was the only response he gave, but his smile was contagious. So was his love for me. At least, I think so. There’s only one other person I know of who loved me just because he did: me.

I learned to love myself again.

In this vacant space We stand together In stillness In the shadows Our shattered hearts Bleeding together as one While the blood runs Through our cold skin Two broken people Sharing their pain Merging their empty souls Repairing damaged spirits We forget about the world Because we live in a humanity of our own United as one In an another life of happiness

I think all the unread poetry and unseen art and unwritten books and unheard music in the world make up for all the times we couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t figure out why we even came to existence. 31

Know He Further he goes Seeking none of what he knows Stop not his self grows Reasons run out of bows Venture he must to find Things he should for mankind Thick glasses wouldn’t mind Spotting for himself what’s blind Learning keeps him awake But questions drag him down the lake Drowning he fight for his sake Until he could understand and make The way becomes quite lucid As he recognizes the truth of the seed Sow it with nothing to bid And what’s good shall breed The world is vast Anything could last Compassion must he trust To share the fruits of this task Givebacks are most fitting To what life has ever come rejoicing To others this he kept saying But greed sickened their hearts beating Though crushed all night Stands up he choose for the right Never will dim such eternal light That rests upon his might He continued the journey then More for them and less for the raven Loads never had been lighten Yet for a reason all of him is driven In no time to him arrives True thoughts of meanings to derive ‘Visibly unseen’ is the key to survive That is why and only why he does life-drive May not be one close perfect he is But every world knows the need for him not to cease He who has come to embrace a piece Might just got the part that don’t miss 33

Lily Among The Thorns Thorns flourish with vanity Covering the one little lily Spreading on to the fertile soil Growing with the pleasure of toil Yet here comes the gardener Oblivious of the peril Grasps the lily gently “My lovely lily among the thorns”, he says “My darling, my precious”, he sings Now the lily, with all its effort to bloom Can now grow without fear For the garden was purged with love The lily, still was a lily when among the thorns The lily, will be stronger than ever before The lily, sealed with intimacy No rain nor flood would quench this lily’s desire “Grow my beautiful tiny lily”, is the poem of the gardener

There Exist

I stare at the darkness of the ceiling And there crazy thoughts flew past by me Some are broken dreams and those that are fading And there exist dreams that are still waiting I twist my body and felt the coldness of the walls The blocked happiness of a rainbow splatter Some innocent and some full of greenery and pitfalls And there exist irony of smiles and laughter I pulled up my short blanket and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m secured I was reminded of people who loves dear Some with no hurt at all and those tortured And there exist the seeping but ignored fear I closed my eyes and colorful spots are appearing Showed me a glimpse of possibilities in this place Some are impossible and some need steering And there exist courage breathed into my life to face.

FELO – DE – SE

I killed her last night in her sleep. Her breathing pattern staggered, Her hair disheveled, Her eyes bore evidence of streaked mascara, Her lips pale and chapped. On her sides were crumpled photographs, And a set of shattered frames. On her wrists, I slowly paced a piece back and forth. Crimson lined from her wrists through her arms. She shook once and I was taken aback. For a while, I think I saw her eyes opened. For a second, she flashed me a smile. Her hands found their way to my wrist. Is she going to fight me? Will she stop me? She helped my hands towards her neck. She let the fragment touch her skin. She let the shard cut through her veins. It wasn’t just me who killed her, She also did. She wanted pain. No, she wanted death.

First Blood Fantasy and reality confused each other Interprets thy language of heavens fever Reconnects thy soul of dominating heat Sensational acts, fasten thy beat Threadlike music, harassed thy mind Bloody streams, made thee vision blind Lyrical voice, overjoyed thy ear Overlapped thy senses, erases thy fear Only to find itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just a minute Thy bomb just exploded, thy first blood spirit

Huling Hiling Ang dilim! Wala akong makita. Walang liwanag. Ang sikip! Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makakilos. Hindi ako makahinga. Alam naman nilang ayoko sa ganito. Sinabihan ko na sila tungkol dito. Pero hanggang ngayon, Wala pa ring pumansin. Ganito na dati pa. Nakakasawa na. Sabagay, sanay naman na ako. Na isinasantabi. Binabalewa. Hindi pinapakinggan. Hindi tinitingnan. Walang pakinabang. Sino nga ba ako? Wala lang para sa kanila. Pero pati ba naman dito? Hanggang sa huling kahilingan ko? Ang dilim! Ang dilim-dilim! Wala akong makita. Walang liwanag. Ang sikip! Ang sikip-sikip! Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makakilos. Hindi ako makahinga. Sinabi ko ngangâ&#x20AC;Ś Ayaw ko sa kabaong eh. Mas gusto kong ma-cremate.

This is one’s different, but this one is for you This one’s for the second best, The girls two step behind The bent to fit in with the rest The last ones in the line This is for average achievers For the “good enough means done”. The “I don’t think I can” believers And the never number ones. This is for the ripped self esteem, For the shyest parts of you, For when you don’t think you can reach your dreams, This is to tell you that I do.

Immiscible Lumalapot. Lumalagkit. Pagpatak lumalamig. Parang damdaming sabog, Pusong di makaramdam ng kabog. Araw-araw magkasama, Araw-araw masaya. Di makatulog sa gabi, Inaabot ng umaga. Minsan sobrang lapit natin, Hindi mapaghiwalay. Parang friendship na super lagkit, Yun lamang di kumakapit. Pero kapag tayo nag away, Daig ang chemical equation na unbalanced. Tila ba enzyme ka, inhibitor ako. Panggulo lang ako sa buhay mo. Sabi nila dapat masaya, Kasi kasama kita. Di kasi nila alam ang pakiramdam, Ng damdaming pa lutang lutang. Kahit anong solve ko sa equation, Talagang asymptotic ang relation. Lahat ng pangarap mo ang lapit lapit. Ganun pa rin ang distance, tila infinite. Kasi nga tubig ka, Mantika ako. Kahit anong gawin ko, Hindi tayo maghahalo.

FEARS Being in the state of feeling alone Being emotionless like a stone Having no love and inspiration Always feeling otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rejection Continuously walking the road without vindication Continuously growing with the state of imperfection And being the most lonely and infamous being Are fears that will always be existing

Virtual Confession Am I to be seen Like the pixels on your screen? If my voice can reach you It’s the one thing that breaks through. Every word that you type They give me warmth at night. But why can’t I feel you? To be here, just us two The sound of your voice I hear it through the noise. We are two worlds apart My codes and your heart. But you’ll be there for me And I’ll be here through your screen.

Letters To You Across the unending seas of no return, Beyond the maps no one was able to learn, Caged by despair, I write this with tears: “Dear love of my life, I’ve been searching for years.” Eternity has passed since our last kiss. Fate has grown cruel, hope ceased to exist. Give in to lost hope that we will not be a myth, Hold on to what’s left in me, and do it forthwith. I dream of you almost every single night, Just holding me, saying everything’s all right. Kaleidoscope of our memories is where I stand still, Lost in the thought of us, things waking up can’t fill. Maleficence of life has been making me weak, No force to crawl and no will to even speak. Outracing time was outrageous, now turned meek. Pain feeds me anger but it is not what I seek. Question not if you are alone. Return to our past, know you’re my home. Strength my start to quiver and nights may be stone cold. Time’s just an idea made in the days of old. Under the sea of stars, know what I think of you. Vows are unbreakable so I know we’ll come through. Witness our future becoming crystal clear, Cross out the gray clouds and all of your fears. You are my north star, and you are my path. Zero your doubts and we’ll face the world’s wrath. Today I may be gone, but believe this is true, You know that I’ll always find my way to you.

Letters To You II Across a thousand seas I solemnly wait Through a thousand nights I dream awake Unable to move, paralyzed by my fears Dear love of my life, I’ve been waiting for years Invincible tides reach up to our bleak skies Rendering us deaf, helpless to each other’s cries Hope blurs, the ice I stand on wears thin To your memory I commit, never giving in Across the infinite seas, I thirst for you Your absence taints the sky a shade of eternal blue Days stretch into a thousand years and yet I remain For in the face of our vow, nothing is ever in vain The sands of time wear and tear us apart The seconds bleed out from each beat of the heart Time cannot be outrun, you and I know this But it halts to a stop whenever I recall that one last kiss I am not alone for you are with me In my heart, my being, in the core of my entirety Time is our fickle friend for it either makes or breaks But we shall outlast time itself if that’s what it takes Through an ocean of tears I lie afloat, waiting Hoping for the winds of fate to soon bring you in I look to the horizon and hope most dearly That each day brings you ever closer back to me I am your north star, I shall be your path I’ll never let you stray, I’ll wait ‘til you find your way back Today we may not yet be together but know this as true That I will wait forever and a day just to be with you

Note to Despair I know this is such unworthy repentance, For I could not show my own worthy penance. My pride kept me cornered, I made the wrong choices, But when I speak of it, hear replies boastful voices.

One man can say that its third time’s the charm, And another speaks cruelly saying third time’s the harm. For what’s done is done, none can revoke, The path of wasted gold and plastic I took.

A choice! A choice! No one dares touch! For they believe, I fooled them too much. I am stuck in the hell that I myself made, I will burn with my sins and will die with great shame.

But I dare say! Third time’s the charm, To you, I know, it’s no alarm. For shaded thoughts run through the minds, You shout “enough!” or “are you blind?!”

But what can I do if the third was accepted, I might choose wrong once more and let past be repeated. You might shout and scream and tell me to cope, But with those words you might as well sentence the rope.

I chose the first and moved on to the second, But my choices became how I sadly reckoned. It had led to my mental destruction, In truth this might be my eternal damnation. I chose to go but at the same time say no, I wish to fight it but pretend to let go. For how can I leave when my grave was dug deeper, My guilt keeps me digging, I grow weaker and weaker.

But the stone is of gold, And your woes are of diamond. Yet I’ve asked for so much, And abuse your soft touch.

How can I leave hell? When I was the one to tell. That this was my destiny, This would bring eternal glee.

You can whip me and resent me, But you will always have my heart. For I had been so damn selfish, And gave hurt on your part.

How can I pack my bag? When you’ve given all my wants. I am the abusive performer, Who does not deserve supporters.

Never was I a man of speech, Nor was I a man of letters, But I just wish these verses, May show how much it matters.

I beg from above, I know I’ve done wrong, To let pride & arrogance rule my life’s song. I’ve scorned but I fail to tell you my woes, Do I wish to cry and get trampled by quos?

You always have the final choice, And thus I show my reason. For now, you hold the lock, To my most worthy prison.

I beg and I plead, this is my hell! Please bring me shelter away from this spell. My head is ringing, my body grows weak, A hearing for freedom that is what I seek.

Beautiful Corruption Tamper with the glass that keeps my soul Carefully now, make the perfect hole. Steal my heart and conquer my mind Then crush me in pieces, leave nothing behind. Heal me with the thorns that you have called love Keep me down while you’re high up above. Take all of me but leave behind your light At least I’ll have something to get through the night. Read all my secrets and leave me unlocked Forget the world, it is its nature to mock. I’ll put down my walls so you’ll see me through And then I’ll make sure all I see is you. Arrange all my puzzles as you desire Trap me in your heart and set me afire. Enchant me with that look in your eyes I’ll have no question if this is still wise. Against all the whispers, all those who aren’t pleased You’re the chaos that created my peace. Worry not, I’ll be in your defense For you’re my only choice that ever made sense. 54

Kung Sino Kang Talaga Magulong isipan, tuliro’t nangangamba Tila nilalaman ng anino ang tuwa At sa bawat hakbang pinaluluhod ka Nang mala-sumpang tinig na sa tenga’y nangangapa Sa’n man magpunta, animo’y pinagtitinginan Kinikilatis hanggang saan ang iyong kakayanan Mula ulo hanggang paa pinapakialaman Maging paghinga’y sinusubaybayan Ito’y naghahatid ng garalgal na pag-iisip Takot sa mundo ang tanging inihahatid Tila ang sarili’y sa kanila ipinipilit O sa makipot na kahon ika’y pilit isinisilid Kaya sa bawat pagpikit, butil ng luha’y pumapatak Paulit-ulit na dalita sa puso’y pumuputak Minsan pa’y iniimbita ng pawis na tagaktak Sa tuwing sinisilo ang sarili mong pakpak Bakit ng aba mapanghusga ang mundo Kayang impluwensiyahan ang iyong pagkatao Pinipilit ka sa mga bagay na ‘di mo gusto At lubusan pa ang panghihkayat nito Ikaw, ako, tayo, bilang kabataan Sino man sa mundo kaya kang impluwensiyahan Ngunit nasa iyo kung magpapadala ka Pero mas maganda pa ring mamuhay Sa kung sino ka talaga

C RED I TS POEMS & PROSES PAGE 4 6 7 9 10 13 15 16 18 19 23 25 26 27 28 30 31 33 34 37 38 40 41 43 44 45 46 49 50 53 54 55 59

TITLE Babala Astray Vita Et Morte Lost Soul Barely Lethal Kaya Stardust Unforgettable Nothings Two Sides Of A Coin Torete Torpe The Bliss Under Her Shade Astrologer I Am The Sea The Hope In Epilogues [untitled] UNEXIST Know He Lily Among Thorns There Exist Felo-De-Se First Blood Huling Hiling [untitled] Immiscible Fears Virtual Confession Letters To You Letters To You II Note To Despair Beautiful Corruption Kung Sino Kang Talaga wooosh

AUTHOR Nill Patrick Dulce hatkofi Jethro Gatchalian Kian Tinaza Leanne Amarillo Maria Daniela Domondon Janine Maria Trisha Contessa Ulatan Nine Nill Patrick Dulce Nill Patrick Dulce MLM Clouded9 Alexandra Alexandra Janine Caranto Kian Tinaza Alexandra Janine Caranto Second Bluestone Samson James Ordonez Kristelle Corinne Andawi Yoana Alexis Juan Othpen Nill Patrick Dulce Ellipsis Renz Paras Gio Nathan Estacio Raquel Borja Jozel Johara Krina Gachallan Jozel Johara Krina Gachallan The Pretender Jozel Johara Krina Gachallan Othpen virjo

ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE 3 4 6 7 11 14 19 21 22 24 26 29 31 32 35 39

TITLE [untitled] Cosmic [untitled] Restart [untitled] [untitled] entrynijigz Andro- -Gynous Tell Me Your Secrets Astrologer Wanderlust Vengeance Stardust Blur [untitled] Dismantled

40 41 44 46 54 55

Agape Chaos Lucy [untitled] Tainted [untitled]

ARTIST Angelica May Diaz Steven Bruce Layugan Steven Bruce Layugan APCD Randolf Alexis Calis Hazel Estillore Jiggernaut Lorraine Borillo Lorraine Borillo Alexandrea Lean Galvez Frinzel Molag Alexandrea Lean Galvez Carlo Guzman Cumulo Stratus Domidick Calixto Theo Ardsjiel Astudillo & Arielle Aliza Demot Jared Ocampo Khim Lawrence Tugas Lyndel dela Rosa Khim Lawrence Tugas APCD Steven Bruce Layugan

PHOTOS PAGE 8 12 16 27 30 36 42 48 51 52

TITLE Bothered [untitled] Five Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Clock Beauty Life Stream [untitled] Firecraker [untitled] [untitled] Paghintay sa Pagbalik sa Sarili Almost There

tenkyu pards

PHOTOGRAPHER Bacon Hazel Marie Ruelos Kyzell Rafanan Daryl Pangod Renz Janfort Graganza Jomar Labsan Renz Janfort Graganza Emalyn Ramos Kyzell Rafanan Kyzell Rafanan

the EDitoiaL boarD The Buttress is the Official Student Publication of the School of Engineering and Architecture of Saint Louis University, Baguio City. Member of the College Editorsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Guild of the Philippines (CEGP). Printed by Cover & Pages Corporation, 2763 Silang St., Sta. Ana, Manila, Manila, Metro Manila. Funded by KASAMA/SSC 2015-2016 .

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Staffwriters Joffa Derricka Raguindin, Kurt Russel Cayabyab, Sherwin Nico Emiliano

Photojournalists Ivan Gedrick Lopez, Jubal Piacos, Renz Janfort Graganza, Mary Kyzell Rafanan

Cartoonists Aaron James Tiangco, Khim Lawrence Tugas, Jerlyn Talosig, Noel Renan Domingo, Ane Janelle Muena, Emmanuel Ian Enabe

Layout Artists Jasper Geronimo, Nikko Manlapaz, Raquel Borja, Christopher Sen Padua

Section Editors and Heads

Staffwriters Samson James Ordonez, Lyndel Dela Rosa, Christian Joseph Apostol, Aubrey Winess Celzo, Jozel Johara Krina Gachallan, Nill Patrick Dulce

Head Photojournalist Shaira Vinoya Head Layout Artist Alec Quibric Likigan Head Cartoonist Alexandrea Lean Galvez Sports Editor Gamaliel Roi Aquino Features Editor Alexandra Janine Caranto Literary Editor Ramil Ferrer Jr. Entertainment Editor Jan Christian Mendoza News Editor Mae Camille Manangdang

Cartoonists Rele Alcantara, Arielle Aliza Demot, Cary Mariano, Renelyne Tambic, Val Paulo Otoman

Upper Editorial Board Circulations Editor Kristelle Corinne Andawi Managing Editor Rowell Kristoffer Sotero Internal Associate Editor Diego Antonio Castro External Associate Editor Ernest Jude Amparo Chief Editor Virjo-Anne Lacasandile

Senior Staff Photojournalists Jan Kelly Tabile, Krizia Ann de Peralta, Lauren, Klein Estrada, Jennifer Belga, Katrina Martinez, May Christelle Gagaoin, Hannah Grace Galban, Kriskyril Dann Martinez

THE BUTTRESS HORROR STORY NO. 2 Tahimik. Walang tao sa opis kundi ako. Magulo. Nagkalat ang mga papel sa mga sulok. Wooosh. Malakas na hangin ang bumati sa akin. Grrrrr. Taas balahibo sabay alis ako.

Pasasalamat Salamat, salamat, salamat! Sa Diyos na gabay at lakas ng Pamilya Buttress Sa lahat ng SEAns (guro’t estudyante) na sentro ng usapan Sa SLU Admin (lahat ng sangay) at KASAMA – SSC na nakasuporta Sa mga pinagmumulan ng lahat ng pinagsisikapang ilathala Sa makabuluhang samahang di makakalimutan Kudos AY 2015-2016 ! Rakenrol!

VIRJO ROWELL:

Madamdaming pasasalamat ang iniaalay ko sa aking mahal na organisasyong Buttress. Salamat sa lahat ng suporta at pagmamalasakit sa lahat ng aking ginagawa sa buhay. Salamat sa nabuong pagkakaibigan at mga di malilimutang karanasan. Salamat sa dalawang taong paghubog ng aking kaalaman sa jornalismo. Hinding hindi ko kayo makakalimutan. Congrats madam EIC Virjo! Sa mga kaibigan ko na parating nandiyan sa oras ng pangangailangan at kalokohan, salamat sa pagbigay sa akin ng mga di malilimutang karanasan na gagamitin ko upang maging parating masaya ang aking pangaraw-araw na buhay. Sa blockmates, batchmates, UAPSA, A&E, Architrave, co-shifters, Evagoods, circle drug, Jollibee, Betolanyo, mercury drug, v dormitories, kopiko, new city supermarket,sm. Salamat sa napaka-awesome na buhay kolehiyo. Syempre sa aking pinakamamahal na pamilya, maraming salamat sa lahat At ikaw na nagbabasa nito, salamat sa patuloy na pagtangkilik sa school publication. Mabuhay ka! NINE: Nakalimang draft ako ng pasasalamat, pero I’ll settle for this (ito ang least melodramatic). Pinakauna sa lahat, thanks to our Almighty Creator for many celestial and earthly wonders, some comprised of and being the following: Mama and Papa, my dugmol siblings, Tita, Lola Leoning and Lola Eny, Ate Gem, Ta-ao & Barren family, and the legendary Caranto clan; my main dog Niki and all my side dogs; The Buttress for being a lovely garden to grow in despite wilted Spicy/Krissy; the moon to my dark side Jigz Baby Sweetheart; my favorite and very masarap na Baby Squids: Lorr Yoana Jao Ran Rica Chelsea BabysirJacob Noel Jizon, also Sir Jorden thankspo hihi; Ate Kat, Ate Sky and Kuya Jesson for not leaving me on that bile-filled night; to the infamous TGs; Naja Tiffany Elbern Joan Lyndel Adrienne Darlene Karla Ariza Kristine (ang pretty pala ng names nyo, heart); BMLS people na pansamantalang inaampon ako sa mga gabing malamig haha ariba natsci; Eleanor and Mitch for recommending TRC and Maggie S. for writing it, it rly ruined my life ily; to all the modern poets out there and you, reader, for existing, hart hart; and lastly, a small tribute to my queen who still deserves better, Margaery Tyrell. I. LOVE. YOU. *jumps ceremoniously, but in place only sorry* Krystal: Thank you!!! ❤❤❤

CORINNE:

My writing skills dropped far more than what gravity can do to a falling meteor. Thanks to the people that made me overcome the tragedies. Happiness can be my ruin in writing literature but I am content and that is all that matters. To the people out there, join us in our next issue and let yourself be heard because, ‘Until the lion learns how to write every story will glorify the hunter.’ To one of my favorite authors, Lang Leav, I hope you enjoy reading this issue. I love you. JANELLE: Una sa lahat, maraming salamat sa lahat ng buttheads, old and new members, pati na rin alumni. Maraming salamat sa aking erpats at ermats na laging andyan para samin, sa hirap at ginhawa, labyu always mama at papa. Maraming salamat rin sa mga kapatid kong laging nagpapainit ng ulo ko, despite that, mahal ko pa rin kayo. Salamat sa aking mga forever arki bestfriends: hannah, nikki, mae, erissa, dansel at juvilene. Salamat sa lahat ng mga taong nakilala ko at makikilala ko rin siguro sa future. Rakenrol. \m/ LEAN: Para sa aking: Inay. Itay. Lolo. Lola. Tito. Tita. Ate. Kuya. Bunso. Brownie. Mingming. Anak ni mingming.. Instructors. Classmate. Seatmate. Textmate. Boardmate. Jeepmate. Coffee mate. Asukal. Kape. Kumare. Kumpare. Manang. Manong. Landlord. Suki. Bespren. Friend. Not-so-friendly friend. Super friend. Feeling friend. Facebook friend. Friend fries. Friend chicken. Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat! Sana’y patuloy pa rin ang pagsuporta sa mga Kampon ng The Buttress. Labyu ol! God bless! JIGZ: For the moments we have shared for this year,ThankYou! Hindi ito isang pahina ng sakramentong libro. at nag-titipid lang ako sa space. Oo, wag nang humugot. At ito na ang mahabang pasasalamat ko: Ikalawa sa lahat, to the true King of North, Jon Snow, long may He reign. To the awesome Buttress people, you guys are the best! Sa Mechatronics batchmates, we did a very awesome year! To the Lee family & Nicolai’s room & bed (HAHAHA). Sa SEAHS people, kina Angel at Souls! at salamat ng tumatangkilik sa Tekpen, Thank you! At habang hinahanap mo ang isang sikretong mensahe sa pasasalamat ko, indibidual kong pinasasamalat ang mga sumusunod: FlyingSpaghettiMonster, he boiled for our sins. BloodyMary, full of vodka. Cthulhu for 2016 & to the master for all of eternity, Bill Cipher. Kay ma, pa, siblings, tito’t tita, to my twin brother. MecE pipol: Nicolai, Jay, Bonnie, JM, Jelsea, Ruth, Cherrielyn, Aya, kina Sir at Ma’am. Buttress pipol: too many to mention nasa previous page kayo & special request: Nine, gawan ko daw ng isang paragraph dito pero sorry nagkulang ako...sa space </3. Sa mga nag-adopt sa akin, at ikaw na bumabasa dito, nahanap mo na ba? MARAMING SALAMAT PARDS!

NILL:

Unang-una, nagpapasalamat ako kay Lord God Almighty. Dahil kung hindi dahil sa Kanya, hindi ako matututong iluha sa tinta, ipintig sa pagtipa sa teklado at ipahayag sa pagsulat ang mga salitang hindi maipahayag ng aking puso, isipan, atay at balun-balunan pati pimples. Maraming salamat din sa The Buttress na akala ko talaga noong first year ako eh, pambabae lang at female counterpart The Butler, dahil tinanggap niyo ang isang luhaan, sugatan at ‘di mapakinabangan na tulad ko. Gusto ko ring murahin ng malutong na “Salamat,” ang aking pamilya sa matagumpay na pagaadya sa akin sa sindikato at ipinagbabawal na gamot. Salamat din ng bongga sa aking mga kaibigan na kupal at beach na tinuruan ako kung paano gumiling, magtwerk at kumandirit with finesse and subtlety sa Ampersand. Sa mga kakilala kong iniiwasan ko kapag nakakasalubong ko sa lobby, salamat at hindi niyo pa ako ina-unfriend at ina-unfollow. At syempre sa’yo na nagsayang ng ilang segundo ng iyong buhay para basahin ito, maraming salamat! Teka, gusto ko rin pala na magpasalamat sa sarili ko na hindi sumuko sa hamon ng buhay at pighati ng heartbreak. Good job, self! Gwapo mo talaga! KYZELL: Sa mga humusga sa akin, naging kaibigan at nang iwan din, para kay Mommy at Daddy na malakas ang fighting spirit, sa mga taong kakabili lang ng G-tec sabay nahulog agad, sa mga kaibigan ko na lagi ko nakikita sa fountain kasi inaabangan nila yung pagong, sa mga naghihintay ng tadhana, sa mga one-nightstand, dakilang tikim lang, para sa mga umasa, nasaktan, umiyak, bumangon muli at repeat, sa pinakamamahal ko na lalaki na nagbibigay ng walang sawang pagmamahal, kay Bes na namomoblema sa kagwapuhan niya, sa mga studyante na pumapasok na file case lang ang dala, kung sino ka man o ano ka man, ngunit hinintay ang pagdating muli ng Tekpen, pumila at nakakuha. Maraming Salamat sa inyong supporta! Salamat sa Panginoong Hesus na nagbigay ng biyaya sa amin na taga The Buttress na matapos ito at sa inyo mga SEAns na kung hindi sa inyo hindi magagawa ito. Sa susunod muli Pards! JAN CHRISTIAN: Lahat ng bagay may kuwento. Salamat at naging bahagi ka nito. Salamat sa iyo. Salamat sa pagbibigay ng ibang kulay sa buhay ko. Salamat sa lahat ng ginawa mo sa akin. Nagbago ang pananaw ko sa buhay at maging ang mga pinaniniwalaan ko dahil sa iyo. Salamat ha. Salamat na rin sa pamilya ko, friends, pamilyang Inhinyeriyang pangkimika, yellow party, buttress. Salamaaaaat. Hanggang sa muliiii. PS follow niyo ko sa twitter at instagram hahahaha ARIELLE: thanks to my family and to the circle of friends I’ve made. Never thought I’d have the pleasure. Rina in particular, i owe you so much. ALEC: Hello mga padli! Pards! At iba pa! Kamusta na? Salasalamat adi ta nagala kayo ti tekpen refill! Awlrayt! Rock on! \m/ MARGS: Dahil pasasalamat ito, nais kong magpasalamat. Hahaha. Seryoso. Thank you sa lahat ng naging parte ng ika tatlong taon ko dito. Sana lahat tayo ay matutong maging bukas sa mabuting pagbabago. Kudos SEAns! Follow niyo ako sa instagram at twitter(margscayao) lol thanks!!

KRINA:

Para sa inyo na kumuha ng copy ng Tekpen, tell your friends! Kidding <3 Thank you, thank you, thank you dahil kung wala kayo, walang nageexist na Tekpen ngayon *insert smiley here To mah knuckleheads: *insert drama here (Lels). Thank you for being there for me even though it can be hard for you to do so. Sa fan club ko (a.k.a. Mom, dad, and mah little sis): I’m sorry you have no choice but to love me. Without you, I know I would never be where I am now. Thanking you will never be enough for the things you’ve done for me. To The Buttress: Salamat sa mga bagong kaibigan, sa mga bagong experiences, sa pag-iisip na kaya kong kumanta kahit hindi naman, at sa mga suggestions ng awesome series at movies (hart hart). Thank you for being one of my best sanctuaries and for accepting someone like me. To those who’ve fallen for silver tongues: I’m sorry I can’t give you silver linings or silver bullets, when at my worst moments, you’ve shared with me your own. Know that I’ll always be grateful to once have been a part of your pages. And to the Father Almighty: thank you for giving me the people I’ve mentioned earlier.So mga pards, in short, MARAMING SALAMAT! Peace out ✌ RENZ: Una sa lahat, maraming salamat kay God na laging andyan. Pangalawa, sa BUTTHEADS na ibang klase <3. Sa Kemenichal Butterfly Squad na laging andyan sa oras ng kasiyahan, kabaliwan, kalokohan, kaadikan, katakawan, katripan atbp. Hahaha, thank you thank you guys. Sa MusiCea Pamilya, labyuuu guys. Sa mga kaSEAN dyan, laban! P.U.S.O! Sa lahat ng mga naging alamat ng aking kwentong buhay, hooooray! Bibo SEA! ROCKY: Una sa lahat nag papasalamat aq kay God sa laging paggagabay nya sakin sa lahat ng akig mga tinatahak na pagsubok at lagi kong nasasandalan sa anumang problemang dumating saakin... Sa aking mga magulang na laging nagbibigay ng suporta sa aking mga desisyon na alam nilang makabubuti saakin at ikakasaya ko...Sa aking mga kaibigan at classmates.. salamat sa suporta guys<3....at syempre sa Buttress na nagsilbi kong nanay,tatay,ate,kuya,ka org,kaibigan,kapuso (lol) “salamat-thanks” ng marami sa paggagabay at pagtuturo saakin ng maraming kaalaman<3 Godbless,Stay strong. VAL: una sa lahat, salamat sa Diyos sa patuloy na pagbibigay ng blessings sa akin. Isa na dito ay ang pagiging miyembro ng “the buttress”. Salamat kila mommy at paps sa patuloy na pagsuporta sa akin (moral at financial). Salamat sa buttress sa patuloy na pagtanggap sa akin at sa aking mga artworks. Salamat sa mga estudyanteng tumawa sa mga komiks ko, at sa mga estudyanteng namangha sa aking mga gawa. Sana patuloy pa rin ang inyong pagsuporta upang patuloy din ang aking pasasalamat haha. salamat. :) NIKKO: Gusto ko lamang magpasalamat sa Buttress Family sa napakasayang 5th year ko sa SEA. Salamat sa mga nakilala ko, at sa mga masasayang alaala. Bully man ako minsan at madalas (ano?), pero panlalambing ko lang un. Salamat sa mga masasayang pokemon battles at mga hiking. Thank you The Buttress. Thank you din kay Lord, sa parents ko, sa family ko, kay Abyz. Sa lahat.

Cover Design by

Christopher Sen Padua Tekpen is the literary art folio of The Buttress, the official student publication of the School of Engineering and Architecture, Saint Louis University, Baguio City. It is the artistic outlet of the SEA spirit that is uniquely â&#x20AC;&#x153;biboâ&#x20AC;? in every way. Copyright 2015-2016 by The Buttress All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the authors, except where permitted by law.

CORPORATE DISTRESS DIGITAL ART BY THE BUTTRESS ALUMNI ENGR. ANGELO BACENA