AM I CHAP?

SEND PHOTOS OF YOURSELF AND OTHER BUDDING CHAPS AND CHAPETTES TO CHAP@THECHAP.CO.UK FOR INCLUSION IN THE NEXT ISSUE

Terence Smith (real name Terence Smith) donned his brand-new Chap Cravat, got on bended knee and requested the hand of Miss Alexandra Crabbe in the grounds of Castle Howard, location of the original television series of Brideshead Revisited. And how did our valiant chap fare at the feet of his beloved? “The young lady in question,” quoth Terence, “wilted at the Chappish onslaught, cufflinks, star lapel badge and of course the killer cravat, so how could she refuse?” The Chap is delighted that our cravats, as well as turning any plain cove into a dashing bounder, also yield results of the above magnitude, and we wish the happy couple a splendid union, whensoever it should take place.

“Dear Sir,” writes Hoptimus Prime, “I am pictured sitting in the vaults of the old headquarters of the Midland Bank. I can only afford tap water in this rather expensive establishment and so should greatly appreciate Chap status to make up for my enforced sobriety.” Sir, on the latter point, you may rest assured. On the former, however, we are wondering how much tap water you ordered, as it appears that the entire room has been filled with the stuff.

“Here’s a recent shot taken at a wedding,” writes Bernard Shapiro, “scruffy though I may be due to enforced Covid lockdowns. It’s 35 degrees, hence the Bombay bowler and the unbuttoned collar. I’ve been given a vapour stick because I’m damned well not permitted to smoke my pipe in the grounds, and the wedding photographer is sticking his lens up my nose so often I’m about to throttle him. The shutterbug keeps hearing the words “I AM bleeding well smiling.” Sir, it sounds like a delightful wedding. When a chap wearing a pin-striped suit, tie and pith helmet describes himself as ‘scruffy’, at least the staff on the editorial board here were smiling.

“This plate photograph was taken on a recent visit to Salford art gallery and museum,” writes Paul Eckersley. “The suit is a three-piece Barleycorn tweed suit Cordings of Piccadilly, the shirt from Revival vintage and, whilst not visible, button braces from Darcy. Brown boots. The Albert chain and fob are stamped for Birmingham 1888 and of course, there is a watch at the end of it. I have always struggled somewhat when it comes to keeping my tache under any degree of control. At times it resembles a yard brush and at others a little bit like ‘whacko’ Jimmy Edwards, although Debonair helps to prevent it acting as a soup strainer.” Sir, there was a time when museums exhibited interesting items with a sign explaining what they were. Nowadays we get ‘M is for Miniature, Moustache, Mondays’. M, however, also stands for Marvellous, Moustachioed, Man.

“Further to the ‘Was I A Chap’ section in your latest sumptuous edition,” writes William Walker (a chap from Leeds), “I was prompted to submit, for your discerning dissection and probable ridicule, an image of Mr. Nelson Wallace (on the left) and my humble self, William Walker (on the other side).” Sir, how could you have known that we would be devoting large portions of this edition to Around the World in 80 Days? Quite uncanny, sir. Your Passepartout looks like a suitably inscrutable gentleman’s gentleman, although you might want a word with him about donning tweeds for indoor work purposes.

“Here is a photo taken at East Somerset steam Railway at the 1940s weekend,” writes Steve Jenkins. “Do I classify as a Chap and pass all the requirements to be a Chap?” Well now, sir, that is an almost impossible question to answer. There is no actual printed list of ‘all the requirements to be a Chap’; one simply knows a Chap when one meets one. It may take a cocktail or two and some light badinage to get the full picture. However, suffice it to say that a man wearing vintage tweed knickerbockers, a spearpoint collared shirt, Madras tie and fair-isle sweater, while balancing a birdcage on his head, is unlikely to be anything else but a Chap.

John Stoten sent us three photographs of himself clad in various garments, with facial variants indicating that they were taken some time apart, all taken in establishments in which refreshments are offered, as well as hand sanitizer. If Mr. Stoten only has the three Chappish outfits pictured, then he has some sartorial work to do. If, however, this is but a fragment of his wardrobe, The Chap says keep spreading the good word, sir, and perhaps don the pinstripe ensemble a little more often than the other two.