Celebrating Freedom Amidst Grief

April 2024

By Rabbi Becca Diamond, Temple Koi Tikvah

This has been a heavy year for all of us. Simchat Torah, a day full of joy where happiness is literally in the title, was marred by tragedy and terrorism, and since then, it has been hard to know how to deal with the pain and loss and grief that has followed. I have felt the heaviness in the lives of my congregants, and in the inability to find respite from the difficult conversations about what is going on in Israel.

And now, here we are at another holiday that is based on joy and celebration. While Simchat Torah is focused on the joy of Torah, Passover reminds us of the joy of freedom. But how do we celebrate joy in this dark season? How do we observe a festival of freedom when we remember those held captive? Unlike the common aphorism, I don't believe it is right to look on the bright side of things or find the silver lining in every difficulty. Sometimes there is no silver lining, and to look at the bright side may be hurtful to someone experiencing grief. But we can find some lessons on how to celebrate this season in the Passover Seder itself.

Along with freedom, there are themes in our seder about the renewal that comes with spring and reminders of new green growth and rebirth. One of those reminders is the karpas, which is often parsley. On its own, the karpas is a fresh, springy green, but we don't eat it on its own. We dip it in water made salty and we say it represents the tears of our ancestors and the bitterness of slavery. We mix the bright and the salty together and eat it as one. Later on in the seder, we eat the Hillel sandwich, a mixture of matzah, charoset, and horseradish. The charoset is meant to symbolize the bricks and mortar used by Israelites slaves in Egypt.

Although the symbolism is full of sadness, each bite of charoset is filled with sweet honey and cinnamon and wine and apple and the crunch of walnuts in a delightful mixture that brings a smile to my face as I eat it. We mix it with maror, horseradish, which is a bitter herb, to remember the bitterness of slavery. In these symbols, the lesson I take away is one of complexity. Sadness and joy, grief and exuberance can exist side by side and often in the same moment. Bitterness tempers the sweet just like sadness softens joy, and the sweet balances the salty just like celebration eases grief. One does not erase the other or overpower the other, but they exist in harmony and even in complement one another, side by side in the same bite and in the same moments.

This year at our Passover table we will know more than ever about this experience of mixing emotions and complexity of feelings. Let our grief not crowd out our joy, and let our happiness not push aside our sadness. Rather, we bring all of our feelings to the seder table in all of their complexity. And when we reach the end of the seder this year, we shall say, next year in Jerusalem, next year in peace.