Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Know What to Say, Know What to Do

October 2024

By Rachel Green, MSW, LCSW, JFS Director of Programs and Services

Every October, in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Jewish Family Services (JFS) chooses a theme to shine a spotlight on the critical issue of domestic violence. This year, JFS asks a question to our community: if someone shared with you that they are feeling unsafe in their relationship, controlled by, emotionally hurt, or are physically afraid of their partner, would you know how to help? With this year’s campaign, JFS is here to help us “Know what to say and know what to do.”

With the prevalence of domestic violence across all communities, it is likely that many of us will find ourselves needing to know how to react and support a friend, co-worker, or family member over our lifetime. One in four women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence during their lifetime. Domestic violence happens across genders, income levels, religious faiths, and communities. Despite what many may think, domestic violence happens in the Jewish community. Studies show that domestic abuse occurs in Jewish families, in all streams of Judaism, at about the same rate as it does in families of other religions — between 15% and 25%. (The Jewish Domestic Violence Coalition of Greater Boston)

If someone shares they are experiencing domestic violence, know what to say; know what to do: If someone confides in you about their experience with domestic violence, your response can significantly impact their ability to seek help and find safety. Here are some essential tips for supporting someone in this situation:

Listen and Believe: Provide a non-judgmental space for them to share their experience. Believe their account and validate their feelings. Avoid minimizing their experience or suggesting they are overreacting. Domestic violence is often hidden from friends, family, and neighbors. It can feel sad and shocking to learn that someone you know is abusive. But survivors know their story better than anyone. Believe them the first time.

Show Empathy and Support: Express concern for their safety and well-being. Use empathetic language such as, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I want to support you in any way I can.”

Respect Their Choices: Understand that leaving an abusive relationship can be a complex and dangerous process. Respect their decisions and avoid pressuring them to take immediate action. This can be especially hard when it may seem like an “easy” choice to leave. Don’t ask, “Why don’t you leave?” On average, it takes a survivor seven attempts before permanently leaving an abusive partner. It’s not as easy as just walking away. Encourage them to reach out for professional support.

Offer Resources: Provide information about local resources such as shelters, hotlines, and counseling services. For example, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) offers 24/7 support and can connect individuals with local services. In Charlotte, folks can call the Greater Charlotte Hope Line 24/7 at (980) 771-HOPE (4673).

Maintain Confidentiality: Keep their information private unless they give you explicit permission to share it. Respect their privacy and understand that revealing their situation to others could jeopardize their safety.

Encourage Professional Help: Suggest seeking professional help from therapists, counselors, or legal advocates who specialize in domestic violence. You can share JFS’ contact information -(704) 364-6594.

Be Patient and Persistent: They may not be ready to act immediately. Continue to offer support and check in regularly, demonstrating that you care about their well-being.

You are an important support: Most victims of domestic violence tell a friend or family member about the abuse before reporting it. When we really listen to survivors as they tell their stories, it builds compassion and support.

Jewish Family Services is committed to supporting survivors of domestic violence and fostering a community that stands against abuse. As we observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month, JFS encourages everyone to participate in the awareness initiatives and learn how to support those affected by domestic violence. One of the key ways to get involved is through education and awareness. Domestic violence thrives in silence, and by learning about the warning signs and how to help, we can all play a role in preventing it. We invite you to join us in showing solidarity with survivors by visiting the table in the front lobby of the Levine Jewish Community Center during the month of October. Whether sharing resources, participating in local events, or showing support, every action counts.

Ending domestic violence requires a collective effort. Together, we can create a community where everyone feels safe, valued, and supported. For more information on how you can get involved or access support, please visit jfscharlotte.org or call (704) 364-6594. Let’s take action this October and make a lasting impact in the fight against domestic violence.