Locala Magazine, February 2023, Ocala, FL

JILL CAREL Fabulous: Mom of Trans Man Says Trying Is Key

RODNEY HARPER Pretty Woman: Bearded Drag Queen Promotes Community

ALICIA & TINA NORTHCOTT Love Finds a Way: Spouses in Recovery Run Facebook Support Group

LISA ANDERSON, PUBLISHER lisa@lisaandersonmedia.com

senior copy editor JODI ANDERSON staff advisor CHAD TAYLOR

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EDITORIAL

contributing writers APPLETON MUSEUM TEAM MEMBERS contributing writer DR. MANAL FAKHOURY contributing writer CYNTHIA MCFARLAND contributing writer CIERRA ROSS contributing writer TAYLOR STRICKLAND

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LISA ANDERSON

DEAR OCALA,

It’s the season of love. Whether you think Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday or a special celebration, you can’t deny that love is in the air. However, while you are reading this in February, surrounded by pink and red hearts, I’m writing this a week before Christmas. For me, it’s currently the season of love, kindness, peace, and joy. I love this community. There’s a sense of togetherness and acceptance this time of year.

Disappointingly, not everyone in the community aspires to tolerance and inclusion. Our photographer was shooting one of the people featured in this issue when a group of teenagers began harassing them and shouting obscenities. Children learn from the example of adults, but those witnessing the scene did not step in as allies.

Photo by Bailey Hutchence

I have said in many presentations, in interviews, and on our website, that Locala is built on diversity and connections through stories. The lives we live are our stories, and our stories can weave together the threads of our humanity.

In the season of love, in every season, and in the spirit of bringing our community together, it is my

hope that you read this issue with as much eagerness and openmindedness as you have every issue that has come before it.

Settle in for delightful stories from the LGBTQIA+ community and their allies. Our featured love story is that of married couple Alicia and Tina Northcott (page 24). Learn more about PFLAG and raising a transgender son from Jill Carel (page 12). Rodney Harper (page 9) and Tim Smith (page 14) tell us about their journey to finding and accepting themselves.

And don’t forget to check out the other amazing stories, beginning with mountain biker Ken Wade (page 6) and Graze and Prosper owner Sabrina Lewis (page 29). Finally, take a colorful step into the Artist Corner (page 33).

Let us show our community spirit, embrace the love around us, and focus on connections through our stories.

Most Sincerely,

Shared Passion

Story by CYNTHIA MCFARLAND Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

On a mountain bike at the Santos Trailhead is one of the most unexpected places to find a Harvard-educated inventor and entrepreneur. Then again, people may have many unanticipated layers. Relying on stereotypes can be a barrier to surprisingly rich and rewarding relationships.

Such thoughts never crossed Ken Wade’s mind when he first began biking. But he’s learned more than a few unanticipated things about himself—and others.

Raised in the D.C. area, Ken is a Harvard MBA, who became a CPA, and has spent most of his adult life in commercial real estate.

As a busy real estate investor, Ken discovered that knowing the market cycle was crucial to knowing when to buy or sell. A “hot” market could make all the difference.

Using his own experience and problem-solving nature, he invented HousingAlerts.com , a fully automated, local real estate market timing system, 20 years in development. The web-based tool utilizes the same professional predictive methods used by big banks. It debuted in 2006.

OCALA-BOUND

Ken was living in Canaan Valley, West Virginia, when he met his wife Dale, an awardwinning teacher and dedicated horsewoman. The town had a popular 24-hour mountain biking competition, which inspired him to get into the fledgling sport.

When the couple decided it was time for a change, they chose Ocala. The equine focus appealed to them. Dale’s mother had already retired to the area, and while visiting her, Dale had bought a 10-acre property in southern Marion Country.

“We were both ready for a big change. You couldn’t get a much bigger change than moving from West Virginia to Ocala,” says Ken. “The idea was move to Florida and start a completely new chapter. We both had barns full of stuff, which we sold at auction and then moved down here with just what we could fit in a U-Haul.”

Ken and Dale moved south in 1998 and built a home on the Belleview area property.

Dale had sold her horses in West Virginia, but it didn’t take long to reignite that old passion. “Within a year, she’d discovered the OBS [Ocala Breeders’ Sales] and called me, one day, to say she was bringing home a horse that just came off the track,” recalls Ken. “That started the horses again; we had to build a barn.”

Today, they have three horses and three rescue dogs. Dale competes regularly with her Arabian “Little Man” and is a national champion in dressage.

The couple didn’t have children together, but Ken has three children from previous marriages and six grandchildren.

HITTING THE TRAILS

When the couple moved to Florida, Ken had his own home-based business daytrading stocks, which meant hours at a desk behind eight computer monitors. All that sitting made him crave something physical.

“I had my old mountain bike and started riding around Santos, which was several old quarries at the time,” he says. “At that point I wasn’t doing it for health; I just wanted to have the equivalent of the ‘runner’s high.’ But I never got that feeling; it always felt like an uphill battle.”

Life stayed busy, and Ken fell away from biking for a while. Then, a health scare in December 2019 hit close to home. “I thought I was having a stroke, but it turned out to be an ocular migraine,” says Ken, who spent two days in the hospital, where doctors found no cause for the episode.

It scared him enough to make a vow to get away from his desk and start getting regular exercise. Once he achieved that elusive “runner’s high” feeling, he became an exceptionally avid biker.

“I reached that point where I was exercising for fun and de-stressing, not just because I ‘should’ be doing it,” says Ken, who bought a new bike for his 65th birthday in 2021.

EPIPHANIES

After COVID-19 hit, the Greenway trail system shut down. When it opened again, Ken discovered the Strava app for bikers and runners. Tracking his time and speed inspired him to keep improving. He rode harder and longer and even branched out into road biking.

Strava also introduced him to a group of other passionate bikers—people who ended up becoming friends, even though he wasn’t looking for them.

“My life is very full. I didn’t think I needed friends. The people I have met through biking and become close to are a smorgasbord of personalities and people types. It’s brought together black, white, gay, lesbian, straight, hard-right Republicans, and far-left liberal Democrats, all riding together,” Ken observes.

“Prior to developing these friendships, I had no spare moments to spend with someone who wasn’t in my political group. I think of myself as not closed-minded, but realized I saw it as justifiable to have disdain for people who think the opposite of me,” admits Ken, who has a gay son Kenny, whom he loves greatly and is very proud of.

The camaraderie and common interest of biking was a springboard to building genuine friendships. Ken realized he’d found tolerance, acceptance, and appreciation for people who didn’t necessarily think like he did.

“In our little circle, mountain biking has brought us together, regardless of the baggage we’ve brought into the relationship. We’ve developed trust and friendships, so prejudices we had before no longer exist,” says Ken.

It’s a lesson he’d like to share with the rest of the world.

Photo Credit: Dave Miller

Monthly Theme

RAINBOW OF LOVE

Photos by Joshua Jacobs

Pretty Woman BEARDED DRAG QUEEN PROMOTES COMMUNITY

RODNEY HARPER

Story by TAYLOR STRICKLAND Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

“Igrew up in Hernando,” shares Rodney Harper, twice-elected vice president for Ocala Pride and locally beloved bearded drag queen. “I moved away to Indiana when I turned 18.”

Rodney’s desire to safeguard others was apparent from a young age. “I had a single mom, and we didn’t have quite the means a lot of other families did. I remember, one time, my mom was at work, and I thought, ‘Well, I’m going to go find the end of the rainbow and fix that.’”

“There were very strict rules,” Rodney explains. “If the sun was going down, you needed to be home. Of course, I was like 8, and I had walked all over the neighborhood trying to find the end of this rainbow that kept moving on me. It was dark by the time I got home. I thought in my defense, ‘I was going to make us rich and things were going to be good.’ It didn’t help my case.”

The rainbows Rodney used to chase now serve as a ward. “The rainbow represents your pride. I thought about what gave me solace. When I go to any business and see the little rainbow stickers, I know I’m safe. I’m a walking safe space.”

PRIDE

Life moved quickly for Rodney after his bearded debut. He met his now fiancé in 2019 and was nominated vice president of Ocala Pride in 2021. He has finally begun to soothe that superhero complex.

“My position lets me see more clearly where the needs in the community are,” shares Rodney. “There’re no spaces for us in Ocala; that’s what I hope to achieve with Pride. I want to reach out to our supporters and find those willing to help create those spaces.

THE BEARDED QUEEN

Rodney wasn’t always so confident in himself or his ability to protect others. “I was very reserved. I don’t want to say anti-social, but I spent a lot of time alone.”

Part of the reason Rodney struggled so much was the inability to be himself. “I just got up one day, and something clicked in me. I was sick of being something I’m not. I came out to my family in 2018. Most of them were very accepting. I had never really, at that point, even been to a gay bar.

“Naturally, there are no gay bars in Hernando,” Rodney laughs. “I looked online, and I found the Copa here in Ocala. It wasn’t what I thought. It had more of a Cheers for gay people type feel. I was looking for what you see in the movies, where you got the lights and the techno music.”

Rodney likely never would have returned to the Copa were it not for a friend in need. “I met a queen online. We were friends for about eight months before we decided to meet up.

“She was putting on a performance at the Copa, and you know how I felt about the Copa,” Rodney jokes. “I didn’t go. Later, she messaged me that they had been kind of catty with her, and being a new queen, that’s rough on them. Next show, I was there. Sat right in the center, ready to get anybody that got out of hand.

“At that time, I wasn’t doing drag,” Rodney says. “I hadn’t even thought about it, and I was just amazed that he went from looking how he did when I’d seen him as kind of a bigger boy, to the real Barbie-doll shaped woman.”

Rodney’s first foray into drag came a year later, at the behest of yet another friend. “Some queens had cancelled, and I thought, ‘Well, how hard could it be? Put on a dress, heels, a little lipstick–easy.’

“It wasn’t so easy,” he deadpans. “After about four and a half hours, I finally got transformed into a pretty woman. Walking in heels alone was challenging, to say the least. I still don’t walk well in heels. They have to be wide or chunky.”

Despite a few hiccups during his first few performances, Rodney was hooked. “When you go to a drag show, everybody has different styles and different looks, but the thing that’s always got me is how they make you feel when you come to see them.”

Rodney eventually decided to branch out. “At the time I was performing, you could go into any club and see 10 others just like me. I decided to do the bearded thing, because I wanted to be different.”

“I know the need for acceptance is great. Many LGBTQ people don’t feel comfortable just being themselves or with their families. That’s one of the reasons I suggested we move the parade from Tuscawilla Park to the Downtown Square: visibility.”

Ocala Pride is just now reestablishing its presence in the Ocala community, and Rodney has big plans for the future. “I would like to see more of the community, and not just the LGBT community, but all of the community, come together. That has been my focus since becoming vice president. I want us to be one community.”

LEARN MORE

Follow Ocala Pride Inc. on Facebook to learn about upcoming LGBTQfriendly events.

EXTENDED CONTENT

Follow @localapodcast on YouTube or your favorite podcast app. This podcast episode comes out on February 4, 2023.

…everybody has different styles… but the thing that’s always got me is how they make you feel when you come to see them.

— Rodney Harper

Fabulous

MOM OF TRANS MAN SAYS TRYING IS KEY

JILL CAREL

Story by JODI ANDERSON Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

When Jill Carel’s son Kelly came out as a trans man at the age of 20, she was shocked and attributed the change to a bad breakup. Kelly was assigned female at birth, and as Jill’s “daughter” started wearing boy’s clothes and then cut “her” hair short and sported a bandana, Jill thought maybe Kelly was a “butch” lesbian. “As Kelly bravely came out, I still couldn’t fully believe it,” recalls Jill. “It didn’t make sense to me.”

Kelly was dating a trans man and suggested that Jill talk to his mother, but she declined. “I ended up going to a PFLAG meeting—parents, families, and friends of LGBTQ people. The very first meeting I went to actually had a panel on transgender. There was a trans kid, a mother of a trans kid, maybe some medical professional, and somebody else. So, there was this panel talking about this very subject that I needed to know about. That was the beginning of my learning and accepting of this new reality.”

Jill kept learning, attending a trans health conference in her city of Philadelphia, sponsored by the Quakers. She was lauded by the attendees, especially members of the trans community, because their own families had cast them out. This initially caused a rift between Jill and her son. “Kelly was actually upset and later was crying, because according to Kelly’s perspective, ‘They all think you’re so great, and you’re not so great!’ And I was like, ‘I’m trying!’”

It was a long process, but Jill says that her relationship with her son “became stronger and better, as I became clearer about appreciating [and] respecting Kelly’s gender identity. We got really tight and good.”

A few months after Kelly had top surgery, Jill was diagnosed with breast cancer. She got a double mastectomy. “Kelly was my best advocate and support. He was fabulous!”

sometimes. But I’ll get there at some point. I’ll be there with you.’”

Jill says there is a kind of grief that parents experience, as they let go of certain expectations they had around their child. “I didn’t experience it as a loss of a daughter, but just grieving some of my expectations that had to be adjusted, to have a different sense of Kelly’s expression in the world, and that was beautiful and good and right.”

In the end, this mom didn’t see much of a change. Recalling a conversation she had with Kelly, she said, “Theoretically, you have made a huge change in your life, but it’s still you. You’re not different. You’re the same personality and intelligence and kindness and humor and all that.

SPEAKING OUT

Jill stepped out of her comfort zone to begin telling her story. “I ended up becoming an advocate for LBGTQ people, since PFLAG was so helpful to me. I got on the speaker bureau for the Philadelphia PFLAG chapter, so I would go to schools and talk to kids about it.”

She enthuses, “I loved it! To me, it was a gift I could give to other people, to see that it’s not a scary thing. It’s not a bad thing; it’s not a sinful thing. It’s just, you know, my kid.”

Jill was surprised to find other trans moms enforcing gender norms in the other direction, as in not allowing their trans daughter to play with trucks. “Parents, the kids, they all have different personalities, ways, and needs when dealing with stuff, so I had all these judgments popping up, insecurities at different times. But in general, I felt real clear about who Kelly was and who I was and so we got along great.

“I didn’t impose on Kelly any way that he was supposed to act,” Jill continues. “So when Kelly would knit or dress up in costumes or do drag shows, I was like, ‘Oh wow! This is cool!’ So people would say to me, ‘Oh well, you’re the perfect mom for a trans kid, because you’re so accepting.’ And I’m thinking, ‘It took a while to get there,’ but once I was there, I was there.”

BEING A MENTOR

Jill has some gentle advice for parents whose children have recently come out as trans. “Be a good listener, be respectful. [Parents should] allow their own process to organically move along in whatever process that they need to. They don’t need to beat themselves up if they said the wrong pronoun, said or did something that was a mistake, to just be okay with it.

“You don’t have to be perfect on Day One,” Jill advises. “You can be vulnerable and share, ‘I’m really trying to get it right, and I’m sorry that I get it wrong

It’s still you. You’re the same person.” Kelly took that as a huge compliment, states Jill. “So in a way, there wasn’t a change. There was and there wasn’t.”

Jill retired from the City of Philadelphia in 2012 and moved to On Top of the World in 2015. As a member of Ocala’s fledgling PFLAG chapter, she continues to mentor other trans parents. “I’m grateful every day for those wanting to reach out and understand and love their LGBTQ kids, grand[kids], and all who deserve love, respect, support, understanding, and rights as citizens of this great country.”

LEARN MORE

Facebook: @PFLAGocala Website: pflag.org

Theoretically, you have made a huge change in your life, but it’s still you.

— Jill Carel

Born Original GAY MAN GAINS ACCEPTANCE, LOVE, & GROWTH

TIM SMITH

Story by TAYLOR STRICKLAND Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

“I

knew very young that I was different,” says Tim Smith, executive director of Brookdale Chambrel Pinecastle, an independent senior living community in Ocala. “I was sensitive.

“I was raised in the Southern Baptist tradition,” he explains. “I did what I thought my church and my family expected of me, so I got married at a very young age. I was married for almost 10 years.

“I was very honest with my spouse, and we amicably split. We’re still friends to this day,” Tim continues. “She followed me when I went to Texas to get my second master’s degree and ended up staying there as director of the Texas Girls’ Choir. She travels all over the world now.”

During his time as a social worker in Gainesville, Tim met someone new. “It was the first relationship I was in as a gay man. I found a church that was open and accepting of me, and they taught me it was okay to love myself.

“I didn’t always accept that part of me,” Tim admits. “I’ve always been a very spiritual person, and I’ve always been very active in my church community. I didn’t want to lose that, but it felt like I couldn’t have both.

“LGBT people couldn’t marry at that time, but my partner and I were going to have a commitment ceremony at the church that I mentioned,” Tim recounts, “the Trinity Metropolitan Church up in Gainesville. It’s the largest LGBTQ church in the world.”

Spirituality has remained a constant in Tim’s life. “I didn’t have to give either up to be free, and I would say that today I am truly free.”

JUST LOVE

Despite Tim’s candor with his ex-wife, he still wasn’t comfortable coming out to his parents. Unfortunately, the choice was taken from him. “Someone outed me—not intentionally or maliciously. It was actually another family member, who just thought that everybody knew.”

It was Tim’s aunt who accidentally spilled his secret. “My mom called me on the phone, and I said, ‘Mom, don’t ask me anything else you don’t want an honest answer to. I’ve been lying my whole life, and I don’t want to do that anymore, especially not to you.’”

Tim lost his mother earlier this year. “It makes me emotional just thinking about it,” he shares, misty-eyed.

During that conversation, Tim’s mother inquired why he never told her. “I said, ‘Look, even thinking this is going to sound ludicrous to you, but I thought you wouldn’t love me anymore.’

“Her response to me was, ‘If you were an ax murderer, I would still love you. I might not understand everything about why you were an ax murderer, but you’re my child, and I can’t unlove you.’ That opened the door for us to have the conversation.”

The only stipulation Tim’s mother had was that he told his father. “Of course, he already knew, but she wanted us to talk about it, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that.”

Tragedy and some well-timed brotherly advice are what invariably led to reconciliation between father and son. “When my aunt and uncle were away on vacation, their 18-year-old son threw a party at their house. Later that night, the house caught fire, and he died.

“My uncle said, ‘I would give anything in the world to have my son today. I wouldn’t care if he was gay or not. You know a little more about Tim than you did a couple weeks ago, but you still have the opportunity to love your son while you’re both living.’ Basically, my dad got permission from his older brother to just love me, and our relationship became so much more than it had ever been.”

With his parents’ blessing, Tim was ready to start again. “At the age of 40, I found myself single. I ended up meeting someone from Gainesville. We’ve since been legally married and raised his biological daughter together. She was about 6 years old when we met, and she’s 19 now. She goes to College of Central Florida.”

PREJUDICE

“There have been times in my life where things have been very difficult. I was physically attacked because of my sexuality in 2010, so not that long ago. It

was in Fort Lauderdale, the gayest place in Florida,” Tim states dryly. “I’d never been in a fight before in my entire life. I knew that I was either going to die there, or I had to fight back. I fought back.

“It was a pivotal moment for me. I was no longer afraid, because I knew, regardless of what happened, I had the ability to fight back.”

Tim compares this experience to the Stonewall Riot, an affirming historical event for the wider LGBTQ community.

“I’m not an advocate for fighting against the police, but in that case, they fought because they were being mistreated.”

Past experiences with prejudice often inform Tim’s approach with community residents. “There’s been times in my office where a resident was struggling with their child’s sexuality, and I’ve been able to use my own story to help them cope with their struggles. There are other times where I knew it might not change their mind. Approaching people as individuals helps.

“I have a theory that we’re all born original and die copies, unless we’re willing to change that. The greatest form of learning is unlearning. I’m always looking for the opportunity to learn or maybe find a better way, because if you don’t learn, you never grow.”

Portraits

by LISA ANDERSON or JOSHUA JACOBS

View portfolios at www.localamag.com/book-a-photographer

Access

Photo by Joshua Jacobs

The Golden Rule

ADOPTIVE PARENTS OF DEAF SON WELCOMED BY COMMUNITY

MICHELLE AUSLEY WITH ZANE

Story by CIERRA ROSS Photos by JOSHUA JACOBS

Michelle Ausley was born on June 10, 1971 in Sarasota, Florida and has spent nearly her entire life here. Little did this Ocala mother know the adventurous life she would embark on—from her journey adopting a child from Korea to her struggles with breast cancer to overcoming her shyness—to provide her son access to the world.

Growing up, Michelle knew she was going to be an elementary school teacher. Learning American Sign Language expanded her horizon but did not alter her goal.

During high school, Michelle took a sign language night class. “I was just fascinated by the language, so I went for fun,” Michelle says. Learning sign language expanded her calling to teach. “I wanted to cultivate a warm, inviting, language-rich learning environment where all students feel valued, supported, and loved.” This passion led Michelle to earn a Deaf Education degree, along with her Elementary Education degree.

When Michelle graduated from college, she prepared to decorate her kindergarten classroom only to be moved to become the Deaf Education kindergarten teacher. The next week, Michelle went from teaching kindergartners numbers to teaching algebra to Deaf high school students. “To be honest, it was terrifying. I can’t do this, but I didn’t have a choice,” Michelle says, noting her initial feelings toward her position. “I felt trained, confident, equipped to teach kindergarten.”

The ground she walked on became unstable, but Michelle focused on her one constant: God. “I went there, again seeking God. I didn’t want my lack of experience to hinder their education. I had to trust He would equip me.”

Michelle began uncertain, but “I ended up loving it and enjoying it.” Though it was not part of her plan, it was better than she could have imagined. “My path has not been what I intended…God’s plans superseded all expectations. Little did I know He was preparing me for Zane.”

INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION

Michelle and her husband wanted to adopt a child with special needs, but they had no idea that a deaf child would find his way to them. The Ausley family adopted Zane from Seoul, South Korea when he was 7 months old, but his deafness wasn’t what made him a special needs child. Zane’s birthmarks qualified him as special needs, according to custom in his country. Though the Ausley’s did not understand, they respected the cultural differences.

The situation surrounding Zane’s adoption from Korea possessed unique language challenges that they leaned into their faith for. “They said he was sensitive to sound, but there’s definitely something not fitting together,” Michelle says. “We were excited.”

They didn’t know Zane was deaf when they picked him up, but Michelle suspected his deafness when she met him. “Lots of beeping of the horns and different things, and Zane never turned.” It wasn’t until a few weeks later that the doctors diagnosed him with profound hearing loss.

When they first met him, they did not anticipate he would weigh 27 pounds. Michelle was ready for a small baby and was prepared with preemie diapers only to realize they had to piece the diapers together until they could purchase diapers his size. Early on Michelle learned that “God’s gonna lead us because everything we think is completely different; the path is completely different.”

Michelle’s husband had been exposed to sign language for years, because he volunteered to help in her classroom, as well as being present when her Deaf students visited their home. “He’s been exposed for a long time, but he didn’t become focused until Zane walked through the door,” Michelle states. Many parents who have Deaf children don’t learn sign language to fully communicate with them.

EMBRACED BY COMMUNITY

Having a Deaf child requires accommodations to provide them equal access. “Teaching people around us that [Zane] is able to do everything...it’s just his ears are broken on the inside. [We] just wanted people to treat him the same as everyone else,” Michelle says. Their home received some modification to ensure it was safe

for Zane. They installed lights to flash for the fire alarm and doorbell. They equipped babysitters to sign and set up a system on their TV that provides access to live interpreters whenever Zane wanted to make a phone call.

“The Deaf community has embraced Zane and welcomes us into the community, which is really neat,” Michelle says. “They love you exactly how you are.”

Merging the cultural differences took time, because it was her goal to provide Zane full access. Michelle says they had to “get over ourselves [to] be able to do what was needed, in order to give Zane full access.” Signing in public made them uncomfortable because people would stare, but they fought against their discomfort for Zane’s right to access.

From a mother’s perspective, Michelle states, “First and foremost, remember [Deaf people are] just like you. Treat them as you would anybody else.” She also notes not to exaggerate mouth movements, don’t speak louder, maintain eye contact, and most importantly, speak directly to the Deaf individual and not the interpreter. Celebration of differences is one thing Michelle wants for Zane. Michelle encourages people to find ways to communicate with Deaf people. Write, use technology, or even pantomime. Language differences should not limit access.

youtube.com/@localapodcast

Left to right: Alicia Northcott, Tina Northcott

LoveFinds aWay

Spouses in Recovery Run Facebook Support Group

Story by TAYLOR STRICKLAND Photos by JOSHUA JACOBS

Love cares little for carefully laid plans and often comes at the most unexpected time. Few know this truth better than newlyweds Alicia and Tina Northcott.

“We met on TikTok!” Alicia exclaims. “She liked one of my videos. I followed her for a while and had a little TikTok crush on her. So, I pretty much manifested my wife.”

“She was like, ‘That’s going to be mine,’” Tina playfully interjects.

“She told me to find her on Facebook,” Alicia says. “From there, sparks flew, but we wanted to take things slow. We’ve both been in pretty toxic relationships before.”

“We had our first date planned, which was a Thursday,” says Tina. “That Wednesday, I was on the phone with her, and the left side of my body went numb. That’s the night I had my first stroke.”

“She was actually not feeling good when we were video chatting,” Alicia recalls. “I said, ‘I know you’re not the type to go to the hospital, but you need to go to the hospital.’”

“I have blood clots in my family,” Tina explains. “Many women in my family have died from blood clots. My mom is the only living female on her side of the family, except for her younger sister.”

Alicia was quick to alleviate any worries Tina had about ruining their first date. “She was at North Florida Regional Hospital in Gainesville. I told her, ‘No matter what, I’m coming up there to spend time with you.’ I was with her the entire time.”

“That was it for me,” declares Tina. “Like Alicia said, we wanted to take things slow, and we didn’t want to just hop into a relationship. We still moved fast, but we really got to know each other during that time.”

RECOVERY

Previous bad experiences in love were not the only thing Alicia and Tina had in common. Both were in recovery for addiction. “I started putting it out there on TikTok,” says Alicia. “My previous relationships were rocky, because they were trying to get me to relapse.”

It’s important to Alicia that her partner respect the boundaries she’s set regarding alcohol consumption. “Tina was at a sober living house, at the time. I was like, ‘Great, we’re on the same level.’ Then, she told me about her own recovery.”

“Next March will be almost four years,” Tina chimes in.

“Almost two years for alcohol,” Alicia reminds her.

“Oh, yeah,” Tina realizes. “I’m in recovery for opiates. When I met Alicia and found out she was in recovery from alcohol, I vowed to never have a drink again. That was the April before last, so 2021.”

It wasn’t until the COVID-19 pandemic that Alicia began to reevaluate her relationship with alcohol. “That was when I officially came out as a lesbian. I had a lot of inner homophobia. I realized I was drinking out of fear, anxiety, and depression. In order to be attracted to [a man], I had to be under the influence.”

Romantic relationships are a contentious subject in most recovery programs. “The rule is usually that you stay single for a year, and we don’t really believe that is always true,” Alicia asserts. “It’s good to have someone who supports you through your recovery, and it’s nice when that person understands what you’re going through.”

“I’m a firm believer that once an addict, always an addict,” Tina states. “I’m always going to fight that. Even after that first year, there’s still those demons. I think being able to talk through our recovery without judgment–“

“I think that’s our foundation,” Alicia agrees.

WHEN YOU KNOW

For all their aspirations to take things slow, the proposal was expeditious. “It went pretty quick,” Tina says sheepishly. “When you know, you know.

“May 30th, we made it official. I think it was July 11th when I proposed to Alicia.”

Alicia wasn’t fussy about the details of her engagement. “I never pictured a wedding for myself, because I honestly thought I was never getting married. I didn’t have good role models for marriage. I told Tina, ‘I don’t care to have an outlandish, crazy ring.’”

Tina holds up her hand. “So, I got the silicone ones,” she laughs. “I hid them in my bra, and I told her I wanted to go take some pictures. I took her to go to Fort Island Gulf Beach during sunset. There were dolphins, and I handmade a little picnic basket. I made her a photo album with all the pictures from when we met up until that point.”

“She sold it as just a surprise picnic,” Alicia reminisces. “I was so excited, because I’ve never had

anything like that. She said, ‘I want to go see the sunset.’ That’s all she told me.”

Alicia is amazed at the direction her life has taken. “I was always a loner. I thought I was going to be all by myself with my fur-babies.”

“Now, they all wear matching outfits with us,” Tina beams and indicates the identical plaid ensembles she and her wife have on.

SOBER FUN

The idea for Alicia and Tina’s Facebook support group, called What’s Your Recovery, pulled Alicia out of a dark place. “It came about when I was on the verge of relapse. I put it together in one day and made a post about it on Facebook. Tina started sending out friend requests to her friends who were in recovery.

“Our schedule is at least one day a week,” Alicia continues. “We’re planning on doing two days a week. I named it What’s Your Recovery, because people don’t think about their recovery long-term. Your reason changes day to day, month to month, year to year. When people come and join our Facebook Live, I always ask, ‘What’s your recovery?’”

“Every week, we’ll ask again,” Tina explains. “If it’s the same, cool. If it’s not—well, what is it?”

What’s Your Recovery provides a safe space for people to support one another and share their experiences with addiction, including those who are not addicts themselves. “It helps them see from an addict’s point of view, to explain that we’re not doing this to hurt you.”

Alicia is strict about adhering to the rules outlined in her objective. “Addicts are infamous for ‘woe is me’ and putting the blame on somebody else, and we don’t tolerate that. It’s about ownership of yourself, and you have to take ownership of your own life.”

“On the other hand,” Tina adds gently. “If you did have a bad day, tell us about it. Just don’t be negative towards other people. Anybody can go on there, like people who are on maintenance programs, where they have to take medication to help them stay sober. They’re not welcome in a lot of areas, and we want them to feel welcome.”

“I want to eventually do meet-ups,” Alicia suggests. “Once you get clean, you lose so many friends, because

they feel you’re not fun enough anymore. During these meetups, we would engage in sober activities and show we don’t need substances to have fun.”

“If we could help one person, that one person can help another person,” Tina recites. “It can start a train of helping people, and it can eventually get around the United States and around the world.

Help can transfer.”

LEARN MORE

To learn more about Alicia and Tina’s support group, check them out on Facebook and join the What’s Your Recovery? community page.

EXTENDED CONTENT

Follow @localapodcast on YouTube or your favorite podcast app. This full interview airs on February 18, 2023.

Chews Letter

A Unique Table

CHARCUTERIE STYLIST CREATES MEMORABLE EVENTS

SABRINA LEWIS

Story by CYNTHIA MCFARLAND Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

The pandemic turned life upside down for many business owners, but for Sabrina Lewis, the year 2020 saw a dream become reality.

Born in South Florida, Sabrina, along with her family, moved to Ocala in the mid-1990s. After graduating from Lake Weir High School in 2007, she moved to Tampa to attend the University of South Florida, where she majored in elementary education.

After college, Sabrina began her teaching career in Hillsborough County. “I taught for five or six years. I loved the children and loved

mentoring, but a life goal of mine was always time freedom,” says Sabrina.

DIFFERENT PATH

A major life change occurred when her mother passed away in December 2016. Sabrina was still reeling with grief when her principal told her she either needed to take a leave of absence or come back to work.

“Someone was putting a timeline on my grief, and that was significant for me,” recalls Sabrina. “My teacher friends were there for me and were loving and supportive. I decided to finish the last part of the year for the kids and never went back.”

Someone was putting a timeline on my grief…

— Sabrina Lewis

In February 2017, while still teaching elementary school, Sabrina took an online position teaching English to Chinese students through the program VIPKid.

She loved working from home and still savored the satisfaction of teaching.

“The best thing about it was diving into their culture,” says Sabrina. “Their dedication to learning was powerful to watch. Every home had multiple generations of people living there; grandparents were often learning English along with their grandchildren.”

Sabrina worked with the program until December 2019. During that time, she began another avenue of teaching that led directly to her current business, Graze and Prosper.

Her sister told her about a coffee shop in Wildwood that was offering charcuterie workshops and needed a teacher. Sabrina landed the position. “I am a lifelong learner and very resourceful, so I took to ‘YouTube University’ for a couple weeks to gather all the important details about cheese before teaching my first workshop,” says Sabrina.

The once-a-month workshops were a great success, but after COVID-19 hit, those in-person classes were cancelled. At the same time, the owner announced she was closing the coffee shop where workshops were held.

Faced with a major decision, Sabrina did market research and realized Ocala would be an ideal location for a mobile charcuterie business. “My friend Shannon Schaeffer, who owns Empowered Autism, in Ocala, helped me brand the business with a logo and create an online storefront. I launched Graze and Prosper in October 2020, right in the thick of COVID,” says Sabrina.

She only did about $500 in sales those first few months because of the pandemic, but she had faith the business would grow.

Grow it did. By March 2021, Graze and Prosper was rocking and rolling.

EDIBLE WORKS OF ART

The business specializes in Sabrina’s signature charcuterie boards and tables, created onsite wherever the client requests.

“I thought holidays were going to be my business, but it’s more showers, cocktail hours, and corporate parties,” says Sabrina.

It’s not your typical charcuterie board; Sabrina creates edible works of art. Photographs of her spreads are impressive but don’t do justice to the actual presentations.

“My favorite part is the food styling. It’s a meditative art piece. I kind of zone in and just create,” says Sabrina. “Every table is different. No two are totally the same, and I think that’s what’s unique.”

Although every board/ table includes meats, cheeses, veggies, fruits, nuts, dips and jams, and crackers and breads, the varied arrangements result in a different eating experience every time.

In addition to creating amazing charcuterie boards and tables for events, Sabrina also teaches charcuterie workshops. “I still get my education fix, but I’m teaching adults now, not kids. The people in these workshops want to be there, and they soak up the information. They leave so empowered,” says Sabrina. “Everybody wants to create this beautiful spread but doesn’t know the tips and tricks, so I enjoy teaching them.”

Because Graze and Prosper doesn’t have a storefront option, workshops are typically hosted at the client’s home or a business.

Beginning while in college, Sabrina spent about 15 years working in the service industry and is grateful for that experience. “The restaurant industry has shaped my business,” she says. “I think that’s the foundation of who I am in my business today. I pride myself on my customer service and connection with clients.”

Sabrina’s son Zion, 7, and daughter India, 4, often help their mom with business tasks.

“They are my begrudging helpers; they only help me because I reward them with ice cream and 10-dollar bills,” she laughs.

Although selfemployment comes with plenty of challenges, Sabrina appreciates the flexibility that allows her to be present at her kids’ activities.

“I’m never bored,” she adds. “My schedule lets me stay creative and ever-changing.”

Sabina admits she’s secretly an introvert. The irony of this is that her favorite part of business is connecting with people, while making their showers, parties, weddings, and events more memorable.

“I get to ‘do life’ with my clients,” she says.

“I’m invited to become an intimate part of their special moments, and I take a lot of pride and care in that.”

LEARN

MORE: grazeandprosper.com

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Artist Corner

Photo submitted by Appleton Museum of Art, Tony Eitharong with his current body of work.

His Own Thing

ARTIST TELLS STORIES WITH COLOR

Story by DAVID REUTTER, Registrar at Appleton Museum of Art

Tony Eitharong is a self-taught artist from Thailand, who started his career doing large-scale, photorealistic pencil drawings. He later transitioned to large-scale compositions in mixed media and now focuses on acrylic abstract art on watercolor paper. His work is featured in many public and private collections in the U.S. and Europe, and he has several works in the Appleton Museum of Art’s permanent collection. The artist is regularly an award-winning participant at art festivals, including the Ocala Arts Festival.

Where did you go to school, and how long have you been making art?

I studied at Valencia College. My first class was a drawing class, taught by Scottie McGee. When I saw her drawings, I knew that was what I wanted to do with my life. Then, I took an Art Appreciation course with Scottie, and she asked to see my recent work. She said, “Do yourself a favor. Go home and do your own thing.” Since then, I’ve taught myself, done my own research, and particularly follow the Modern masters from the 1950s and 1960s. I’ve been working steadily for 50 years.

How has your work evolved over the years?

I started with photorealistic pencil work, including a series of life-size self-portraits. I also did some printmaking. My early work often focused on the theme of family. In the 1990s, I created the M.I.A. series (military industrial art), which incorporated mixed-media techniques with found objects. This series focused on themes of war and the human reaction to violence. The Appleton owns my “Superman Puzzle” from this series. Since about 2010, I’ve been making colorful abstract work with acrylic paint.

How would you describe your current work?

I think of myself as a maker of “things,” as opposed to labels like paintings or mixed-media. My current work is focused on color, and I follow the theories of Josef

Albers, who rejected representational imagery and said the color itself should tell the story.

What are the steps between original idea and finished product?

There is no “finished product.” Art is a constant journey with no end.

What artists inspire you?

I can be inspired by anyone. I’m constantly looking at other artists for inspiration. This isn’t limited to artists, though. I’m inspired by life.

LEARN MORE

appletonmuseum.org

Photo submitted by Appleton Museum of Art, From the Appleton’s permanent collection, “Superman Puzzle,” 2008, Dry-brush oil and watercolor on mat board. Museum purchase with funds provided by the Ina Gotler-Colen and Gladys Shafran Kashdin Endowed Acquisitions Fund for Florida Artists.

Kurt Loncka

ARTIST Q&A

Story by JODI ANDERSON Photo by JOSHUA JACOBS

What type of art do you do?

I do interactive artworks, which is like chalk drawings...that pop up off the ground, but I also do artworks on a wall. That would be like a hallway painting, where you'd stand at one end of the hallway and you look down, and it looks like it's coming off the wall. Anamorphic, it's called.

How did you come to be in Ocala?

We [breed] Danish Warmbloods. We got locked into our house in [Kewaunee,] Illinois, when the shutdown happened. We thought if we can't leave our house, the best place to be would be in Florida. I went from the Hog Capital of the World to the Horse Capital of the World.

What types of art and culture do you like to consume?

I have met so many artists, since I've been down here, because I joined the MCA [Marion Cultural Alliance]. Everybody does all these cool murals all over town. I've

been going to all these events. They would have these painting parties, and I would paint some stuff. It's been really cool to collaborate and do stuff with other artists.

What are you besides an artist? Do you have other roles?

I do a lot of vector drawings and designing logos, but mainly decals and signs and banners for events, window decals, things like that. We have 10 acres with horses, so we have Airbnbs, and I take care of that. My wife is a veterinarian. My daughter is 8 years old, so she keeps us busy, too.

What do you hope to accomplish with your art?

My purpose is to use social media to get people off their phones and in person. Encouraging people to share their artwork because they see me doing it.

FOLLOW KURT Instagram, TikTok, Facebook: @kurtloncka Website: l onckagraphics.com

Photo by Joshua Jacobs

Sip tea and talk performance arts!

Hosted by Joan Elizabeth & Lisa Anderson