FALL 2019
NO. 6: FANTASY//DREAMLAND
MODELs IHWA CHOI / Betty Wang / Noor Shakheel / Kyra Streck / Maggie Lejeune / Alexander Stolarz / Veronika Varga / Sara Wanyana-Tyaba / Lora You / Gabe Lane / Amy González / Victor Tesoro / Lauryn Hamilton /Aanya Samarasinghe / Lotoya Francis
TABLE OF CONTENTS CREDITS......................................................................................................................03 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR..........................................................................................04 MECHANICAL SHEEP....................................................................................................05 FASHION FEATURES ..................................................................................13, 21, 27, 33 THE PRESENTATION.....................................................................................................11 FANTASY, ESCAPISM, AND GAMING..............................................................................17 THE TOWER WE DON’T SEE..........................................................................................23 DRUGS........................................................................................................................29 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS................................................................................................35
PRESIDENTS NICHOLAS RAHIM / OLIVIA VF CHAUDHURY / PHOTOGRAPHY KARINA GUO / LEAH ESH /NORAH foley BEAUTY LORA YOU / MINA HUH/ creative and layout KEMBA COOPER / LEAH ESH / tayyaba ali / chris jang / marissa campiz / kyra streck / madeline lei/ alexia asgari /EDITORIAL LEILANI LATTIMORE / AUDREY SIAW-ASAMOAH / GRACE TRAN / kellen cooks / PR & BUSINESS ZAK HANOYAN / SOCRATES ESPINAL
03 | COLLECTIVE X
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to Dreamland! Maybe you received a letter of acceptance to come here, or a text message instructing you to wait at home. Maybe you switched on your computer and are waiting for a world to load. Maybe you are laying in bed, counting sheep. Maybe people are lingering outside your door to take you to a clandestine meeting place. Maybe you popped a pill or lit a spliff and are leaning against a wall, waiting for the sensation to take effect. Dreams and fantasies drive us. They guide us, drawing us to sleep, to achieve, online, and everywhere in between. One must take care lest they get caught up in fantasy and escape reality entirely. However, that escape may be exactly what they need. Don your cloaks, polish your D-rings, grab your obscure shirt from Shibuya, put on your candy eye makeup, and enter the fantasy.
Olivia VF Chaudhury
issue no. 6 | 04
mechanical sheep written by Grace Tran illustrated by Karolina Piórko
It is now time to bring back tape recorders, to hear the click of play and the sound of a million lost voices dispersed through the wind, floating like white dandelion seeds, and buried under a landfill of things we have forgotten. We used to rush through songs, wrinkling our noses and sneering at the lyrics; we pressed fast forward and sometime, somewhere along the way of the road trip of our lives, we forgot to stop, going faster and faster until we couldn’t remember how we had ended up here and didn’t know how to get back to where we had been. We burned the rubber with our fingertips and left it smoking in the corners of our garages because we could not stand the smell nor the sight of melted plastic. We left the pieces of the tape recorders, shattered and broken, lying in small piles of dispassion.
05 | COLLECTIVE X
I dream at night of mechanical sheep with spools for eyes that baa baa baa and whisper-warn me to resurrect them. They lie beneath graveyards, clawing their way out but we bring it upon ourselves to shovel the dirt back down. We lie. We untruth. We pretend we are right. We convince ourselves that we are not wrong. Mechanical sheep pull our words into the ground, imprinting them like carvings in steel, and in turn we press down on them until they are screws and bolts and sheets of metal and we say they were never there. It is the time to bring back tape recorders. It is the time to remember how to tell the truth. issue no. 6 | 06
[MAREN]
07 | COLLECTIVE X
work by Maren Ogg
The Presentation written by Dreaming Faraway photographed by Nicholas Rahim
issue no. 6 | 08
11:48 A.M. Two minutes until her presentation. Clara sat in her normal seat on the right side of the room, two rows from the front. The desk rose to the center of her torso, thankfully, masking her bouncing feet and sweaty palms. She flashed a smile to her friends across the room as her fingers fidgeted with the edges of her sleeves. The velvet of the material repeatedly brushed against the sensitive skin of her inner wrist, still slightly red from the night before. Her dress. His choice. A wave of goosebumps rippled across her skin at the memories of the previous night and promises yet to come. He stood behind her, gently stroking his fingers along her naked body as he gazed at their reflection in the full-length mirror. His strong arms lay in stark contrast against her delicate softness. They fit together like puzzle pieces, complementing each other in every way. Reaching up, he grabbed the dress off the hanger and held it up to her body. Feminine, elegant, yet strong: exactly how he wanted her to be. He turned her around to face him, cupping her chin and looking deep into her eyes.
09 | COLLECTIVE X
“You’re going to wear this for your presentation tomorrow. Every time you get nervous, glide your hands down the material, pretending they’re mine. Feel the softness caress your skin in movements that mimic my own. Remember that you are owned. Your actions are a reflection of me, and I am proud of what you do. Understand?” “Yes, Sir,” she said, grinning up at him. Her hands brushed the soft material. Owned. 12:05 p.M. “Thank you to everyone who presented this week. See you all on Wednesday!” The professor dismissed the class. “Great job, Clara! See? You had nothing to worry about,” Rose said, slinging her jacket over her shoulders. Clara beamed. It had gone better than expected; she was thrilled. “Yeah, great work!” Jack said, slapping her on the back. Her friendly smile wobbled, and her cheeks quickly flushed. Jack had no idea, but he had hit right over the marks her Sir had left on her the previous night. They were still deliciously sore, but her present company didn’t need to know how much she enjoyed the reminder. “Thanks, guys!” Clara ducked her head, trying to pass off her blush as embarrassment instead of arousal. “Oh, don’t be embarrassed. We know you did amazingly,” Jack winked. “Hey Rose, want to study with us at the library?” Clara shifted their focus. “Yeah that sounds great. I have a ton of work left to do,” she replied.
issue no. 6 | 10
11 | COLLECTIVE X
2:16 P.M. Clara’s phone buzzed, pulling her away from the last section of her coding assignment. I’m so glad your presentation went well. I think you deserve a present! Wait, no. Scratch that. I deserve a present. Walk to the bathroom and remove the panties I had you wear. They belong to me, just like you. I’ll expect my gift properly presented when I get home tonight. She nearly dropped her phone. Mumbling a quick excuse to her friends, she trotted to the bathroom, heels clicking. Taking a shaky breath, she leaned against the locked stall door. Her heart raced as she reached under her dress and dragged her underwear down her legs. She angled her phone. With the bundle of black lace in hand and a smirk on her face, she snapped a quick picture and slid the fabric into her bra. Safely tucked away, Sir. Her phone buzzed seconds later. Better stay that way. Thank you for brightening my day with your obedience. See you at 6, luv. Practically floating back to the study room, she barely noticed the cool breeze between her thighs as she walked past the other students. “What’s got you all giddy, Clara?” Rose smirked. Clara quickly shook her head, dispelling Rose’s thoughts. “Nothing. I’m just…still in a good mood after today’s presentation. I’ve got to get back to work though, this thing isn’t going to finish itself.” She sat down at her computer once again. 5:47 p.M. Walking home, each step reminded Clara of her exposed state. She was hyper aware of each person she passed; every eye she met seemed to know too much. Every glance seemed pointed in her direction. Did they know? The prospect was absolutely enticing. She attempted to walk casually, passing through the central hub of student life, failing miserably. She simply couldn’t keep the bounce out of her step. The smells of Chinese food, pizza, and cookies floated by. Almost there. Once inside, she flipped the lock and removed her dress, bra, and shoes, but keeping his gift wrapped around her fingers. She walked toward the bed, folding the dress and exchanging it for the item on the bedside table. A few minutes later, he came home to find her kneeling naked and ready for him at the edge of his bed. The thick collar was polished, D-ring gleaming in the light. Her palms lay flat on her thighs, his gift laying gently across their center. She looked up at him with a smile. A perfect presentation. “Welcome home, Sir”.
issue no. 6 | 12
CX: Explain the background of your collections. What does it mean to you?
FASHION FEA
KS: I’m featuring two separate collections I am working on simultaneously. They both lie in a space between lingerie and streetwear. They don’t fit into a specific category, but I call it lingerie. Lingerie itself is a fantasy-oriented category. Sometimes, people are confused because I’ll feature jackets in presentation, but it feeds into the mystical aspects of lingerie. Lingerie regards putting on a persona that is sexy and intimate with the self. There are always other garments that fall into that category with lingerie. My smaller collection’s theme is queer, post-apocalyptic utopianism. I explore what possibilities queerness holds in every aspect of life in a post-apocalyptic world through love and design. There are some shitty things going on in the world currently, like climate change. In the face of disaster, I believe my concept can provide opportunity for rebirth, specifically a queer rebirth, in being able to reclaim the stereotypes of the past via queer style. I think about what we could make out of what we would have if we were living in this post-apocalyptic wasteland. My larger collection is about capitalism, queerness, and minimalism. I like fantasy and envisioning future worlds for queer people. I considered mystical creatures with mermaids and dragons, but that imagery is largely Christian, and I’m not. The connection between fantasy and those images is inherent due to the prevalence of Christianity within American society. I wanted to do something that pushes out of that dominance, into an exploration of my own Jewish identity. I wasn’t raised religious, but it’s a part of myself that I’m interested in culturally. I wanted to do my own research and think of what Judaism means to me, and learn about the mystical aspects of the religion. That’s not something you’d learn from your parents. I wanted to see what mysticism means to me as a method of finding meaning in the world. I played with those concepts and connected them with human relations and manifestations of God. CX: How do birth and reclamation function in your work as reciprocal for those wearing it and for you as the designer? KS: I see it as reciprocal. I haven’t started selling my work yet,
13 | collective x
but models get really excited about my ideas. I interned at TomboyX, a commercial queer lingerie company. Due to its commerciality, it has a less direct fantasy element. When people wear their pieces, they get excited about a different method of rebirth, having garments available to queer people, made for queer people, by queer people. That creates a generative justice within rebirth, and a reclamation of capitalism.
ATURE:
CX: Was there an inflection point within your life where you realized that fashion was your direction? KS: Before I came here, I wanted to work within a feminist underwear space. Six years ago, I saw the tipping point when Victoria’s Secret lost its popularity along with the fall of malls
KYRA STRECK STRECK KYRA PHOTOGRAPHER: KARINA GUO INTERVIEWER: KELLEN COOKS
ISSUE NO. 6 | 14
and retail. I was aware of the cultural moment where people began to problematize depictions of women’s sexuality as heteronormative and androcentric. Even though more mainstream underwear targeted at cis-women became more feminist, it was problematic because it was motivated by capital. To combat this, companies can acknowledge trans women and other groups of people that can’t find underwear that addresses their needs. At TomboyX, I worked on designing inclusive underwear. Even though there’s a push within the industry towards making things more PC, there remains a disconnect between these companies’ branded feminism and what they’re actually doing to create practical solutions. I started to address the disconnect in my sophomore year of college, when I started doing research on creating underwear for underserved people. I gauged trans people’s needs and wants for underwear and analyzed the current limitations with current underwear. I still work with TomboyX. Its goal is to be commercial and universally accessible for people. As a designer, there is a difference between designing things that are digestible for consumers versus theoretical ideas about queerness and generative justice. My headspace lies within making things so people feel intimate with the self. That’s a huge part of underwear. It’s something that you wear a lot of the time and people usually don’t see it. It has to do with you, your comfort level, what you’re wearing and your identity. The energy underwear holds makes it translates to streetwear,. Today, it’s more acceptable to wear bras and underwear out. Some people think it’s weird, but I think it holds an energy of personal intimacy with yourself and your sexuality/asexuality.
15 | collective x
CX: How do you square the liberating factors of what fashion and intimatewear can be with the
suppressive nature of the fashion market? KS: There’s a dynamic where as companies get bigger, it’s harder to alleviate the problems because of the sheer number of people involved. I’m becoming interested in generative justice and a gift-exchange economy, which is more about making things just to make things through DIY and exchanging things. That could minimize the environmental impacts of fashion, but could be really difficult on a global scale. I’m not saying to dismantle everything, but this could be an option.
ISSUE NO. 6 | 16
Fantasy, Reality, and Gaming A Conversation with Gabe Lane
Interviewed by Olivia VF Chaudhury
Gabe Lane is a game director, designer and UX developer from New York studying Information Science in Arts & Sciences. Gabe developed and published the computer game Smile For Me in collaboration with Yugo Limbo. Yugo Limbo is a multimedia animator working primarily in television. She is Gabe’s business partner and animator for Smile For Me. Smile For Me is available for download on Steam.
17 | COLLECTIVE X
CX: Do you view gaming as a form of escapism? GL: I’m giving an answer that’s generalized, but I think wrong for some people. I don’t think that gaming is a form of escapism. “Escapism” is often ascribed to people wanting a world to exist as a fantasy for them; a space entirely separate from what they know. The belief in escapism discounts the role of virtual and made-up spaces as guidebooks, or as impressionist pieces on how we experience our own worlds. Yugo and I create worlds because they allow us to experience our lives in a way that’s a little bit fantastic. The value people get from fiction is not the enjoyment of something alien and fantastical, but an ability to ground something fictional into what they know. Games often give us autonomy, so players have a degree of influence over characters, or objects of identification, which they otherwise wouldn’t. It’s empowering when people see a world that reminds them of their world, and are then given the opportunity to create or do something fantastical in it. They get to feel new and different things about their lived experience. We want our autobiographies to feel like our fantasies, and games join them in the middle. CX: As technology evolves and improves, do you think your creations will grow to follow the cutting-edge tools? GL: I work with constraint - it’s how I make progress. It’s more productive for me to think about interesting ways I can use the technology we currently have to create games. “Technology” also includes conventions, modes of development and marketing, and general understanding: the systems that we already have in place for games. For me, it’s more interesting to make something novel within those conventional spaces than it is to fantasize about what I could build if I had no restraints, or could invent any technology I wanted. Smile For Me’s main mechanic is nodding and shaking your head using a mouse. I was working under the constraints of the genre’s conventions - that players use the mouse to look around in a first-person game. Finding a new way to engage a player within those constraints is the creative part. I noticed that people start identifying mouse motion not just with looking around, but with head movement, so I designed a system that recognizes mouse motion as head movement. Now, we have a game where moving your mouse is not just for looking around, but for nodding, shaking, and gesturing the way a person would with their own head. I didn’t do it by inventing a new device that tracks your motion or anything like that. I just engaged with the conventions and controls that are already ubiquitous.
issue no. 6 | 18
CX: Do players behave “normally” in games, even when they aren’t forced to? GL: A part of game development is understanding the baggage that players bring to the table from their lives, their understanding of the real world, and their understanding of the conventions that your media is predicated on. Conventions are conventions in the art form because there are assumptions about how most people will approach your art. If you want to engage with people in a normative way, you have to humor those assumptions. But I think there’s an interesting fight you can put up, engaging with people’s existing assumptions of the world instead of their existing assumptions of the art form. You can find the places where the two clash, and then choose to make decisions that favor cultural conventions over conventions of the art form. In Smile For Me, nodding and shaking is a place where we rewarded conventions of culture over the conventions of the game genre. Nodding is natural for people, but not because art and software have taught them it’s natural. No game has encouraged it before. Players nod and shake their heads because as soon as they start identifying their camera movement with head motion, they can extrapolate to their understanding of cultural norms. It just feels instinctive. I think there are a lot of interesting decisions to be made when you favor human conventions over the art form’s conventions, and as a result you create interactions that are unexpected but feel totally natural. 19 | COLLECTIVE X
CX: Smile For Me has 2D, visually abstract characters in 3D space. The game’s bright colors and patterns play with the player’s perception. How do realism and abstraction function in game design?
GL: People often have realistic experiences through visually abstract art. Building a world that is cohesive within itself is more important than building a world that’s cohesive with what the real world looks, feels or acts like. To that extent, I don’t think that the level of visual abstraction has much bearing on whether someone “believes” a world; only to what degree they’re going to pull in expectations from their real lives. By abstracting a world when you build it, you preclude players from coming in with baggage about how they expect things to work.
CX: Is a game’s goal for a player to continue playing it, or to end? Does a player remain in fantasy, or do they finish the break and return to reality? GL: My goal is to create something that people will think about for a long time. A piece of narrative and world-building media can get you to recontextualize your world and think about it in different ways. The ultimate goal is to give someone a lesson that they can take with them ad infinitum. This was part of the goal for Smile For Me. I’ve played games in my childhood that recontextualized the world in fantastic ways that I couldn’t describe now. I could tell you that when the leaves change in the fall I feel warm, but I couldn’t tell you why that is. Maybe I played a game when I was a child that changed the way I see autumn. It’s just part of me now. The goal is to allow players to take something away that will be productive in how it manifests into real desires and beliefs. It’s imperative to strive for in all walks of games, whether or not you have another metric of success, like having to keep a studio running. There’s an imperative to make art that sticks with people and gives them something to think about afterwards. I’ve invested scores of hours into media that I never think about, but that’s not what I remember. What improved my life was the game I played for an hour and never had time to get back to, but showed me something pretty in my life.
issue no. 6 | 20
Betty Wang
CX: What are you wearing in this feature?
BW: Three pieces of my outfit are from when I was studying abroad in Japan. I got the beanie through a Lucky Bag (fukubukuro in Japanese) that I bought in a store in Harajuku. It’s a blind bag that’s sold during New Year. You don’t know what’s in it. The shirt was from a store in Harajuku called ACDC Rag that has clothing with interesting prints. I saw this Powerpuff Girls shirt and I really like collared shirts so I splurged on it. The jeans were bought at a Forever 21 in Hong Kong. The shoes are by Fila. I got them from a shoe store in Kyoto when I did a week of solo travel during my time in Japan. CX: How would you describe your style, and what inspires you? BW: I really like Asian fashion and find a lot of inspiration from Korean streetwear and Japanese anime. When I was in high school, I was heavily influenced by what other people were wearing and trends. I tried to fit in with the Western style of tighter-fit clothing before coming to college. Now I explore more of my identity and feel like I don’t fit into a category. I have an androgynous style, like a tomboy. Most of the time, Asian clothing is oversized and loose in comparison to Western clothing. I think I look good in colors. In Asian fashion, color is more extreme than most Western styles that tend to use more neutral palettes. 21 | COLLECTIVE X
Fashion Feature interviewed by Grace Tran photographed by Nicholas Rahim
CX: Once in college, did you immediately have the confidence to step out of the realm of Western clothing? BW: I didn’t branch out until sophomore year. Before that, I kept to hoodies, plain t-shirts, and other basic staples mostly because in Ithaca, the weather is cold. I didn’t feel like trying to look good all the time. Now, it’s more important for me to look good because it makes me feel good.
CX: Do you choose outfits based on fashion, function, or a mix of both? BW: I wear what I feel like, but I always check the weather app first. What I wear depends on what I’m doing.. If I’m going to hang out with friends and I don’t have classes, I’ll put in more effort to stand out. Sometimes I channel my inner K-pop star! If it’s a gloomy day, I’ll go for a darker palette. I don’t own that much black because my mom told me I look good in colors, so that’s what I shop for. Having color in my closet just makes me more happy. Black is easy to match but I think it’s a little boring so if I am wearing neutral tones, I’ll try to add more accessories. This past year I’ve been shopping for earrings and getting more piercings. I’ll try to change those out based on the outfit, maybe adding a necklace or ring. I vary my outfits from “cute” to “cool” styles and sometimes I’ll try to mix in items. If I’m wearing a colorful, cute top, I might match faux leather pants with them. If I’m going for a cute style, I’ll wear skinny jeans. Overall, I mostly wear structured clothing and I stay away from batwing type clothing and material that clings to the body. This ties into how I view my body. As an Asian-American, my body doesn’t look similar to my mom’s. She is from mainland China and is petite size. I don’t really feel comfortable with shape and tend to lean towards boxy clothing. CX: If you could be a mythical creature, what would you be? BW: I would love to be a vampire or maybe a demon. If I were to be a vampire, I would not want to sparkle like Edward Cullen. I’m drawn towards myths with supernatural creatures because I think it’s cool that they’re capable of easily killing someone but are also beautiful. I’m inspired by anime and there are powerful supernatural characters in lots of shows.
issue no. 6 | 22
TheTowerWe Don’t See by Nicole Oliveira
Photography by Karina Guo
“You’re in Quill & Dagger? How do you feel about that...?”
I was embarrassed; caught off guard. I felt like a sell-out. “Yeah, I am.” I’m not one to blush, but I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks; my face as red as the tomato garlic soup I was serving at Zeus. Had it been an acquaintance, I could have brushed it off, but she was my friend. There was judgement lining the question. I didn’t know what to say.
You may have no idea how to respond or how to feel. Part of you feels shame for being part of an “elite” organization without really feeling like you earned it. QD was founded in 1893 with three core values: leadership, service, and character. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard those descriptors since I joined, but I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard the organization’s history. These tenets have been enforced since the early 20th century to all members including E.B. White and the succession of taps who have served in Congress. What we don’t talk about is how QD--and Cornell--was founded on settler colonialism and exclusionary (read: classist, racist, sexist, etc.) principles. We all know it1. How long are we going to wait to address the elephant in the room?
We frame QD as an “honor society.” All that problematic stuff is in the past! How could it not be a product of its time? You could say all the -ists were unthinkable. The founders didn’t know any better. QD is meant to recogQD assured me nothing would happen, that people barely nize those who give back to the “community.” What do read the print edition of The Cornell Daily Sun. The ad we define as community? Cornell? Greater Ithaca? Do was for archival purposes; it’s how they keep record of we just live in a society, like all the nihilist memes say? who was tapped that semester. Very few people will see it, they said. Quill & Dagger (QD) is a secret society. Most Who says that we, a group of college students, have the people don’t even know what it is. moral high ground to determine who is or is not worthy of an invitation to join? How does the makeup of QD, In reality, people do read the print edition of The Cornell socio-economically, racially/ethnically, religiously, etc. Daily Sun, and if your name ends up in QD’s semesterly reinforce the problematic histories tied to it? ad, someone will ask you about it.
23 | COLLECTIVE X
When I first heard about the semesterly ad, I was told I had the option to remove my name. When I actually tried to remove my name, I was told they made a mistake; QD does not allow members to do that. If I wanted to keep my membership a secret in this secret society, I’d have to take it up with the alumni board. They would decide if my reasoning was good enough to warrant a removal.
“QD was not founded with me in mind. QD was not founded with women in mind. QD was not founded with people of color in mind. QD was not founded with LGBTQI+ people in mind. QD was not founded with differently-abled people in mind. If you’re reading this, it’s likely it wasn’t founded with you in mind.”
Almost a year later, I look back on this moment with frustration and lingering resentment. As someone who has been involved in social justice work on campus and is part of more left-leaning communities, secret societies are the equivalent of telling everyone you know that you’re working for Goldman Sachs. It’s hard for anyone to take you seriously when the values you espouse don’t align with your actions, especially when they’re behind closed tower QD was not founded with me in mind. doors.
QD was not founded with women in mind. QD was not founded with people of color in mind. QD was not founded with LGBTQI+ people in mind. QD was not founded with differently-abled people in mind. If you’re reading this, it’s likely it wasn’t founded with you in mind. Yet, I remain. I go back and forth about how I feel regarding my place in QD and it weighs on me deeply. The night I was tapped, I was hesitant to join and friends who had written me letters predicted I would be. Unlike other taps, members who came to my house were told not to wear cloaks (as is traditionally done) because it would put me off. My friends know me well. They, like others I’ve met in QD, reassured me that joining was a nice way to be recognized for work that often goes unnoticed. I wasn’t sure if I agreed with that. I’m still unsure. issue no. 6 | 24
I wanted to make new friends. I spent most of my junior year depressed and isolated, convinced that I wasn’t doing enough of anything. I needed to work harder, be more social, save money, get eight hours of sleep, and eat three meals a day. It was taxing and virtually impossible. That’s the Cornell trap. If you’re first generation or working-class, you may know it as imposter syndrome. Every week I make my way to The Tower. Every week I ask myself what prompts me to come back. I thought of leaving QD at the beginning of this semester, after falling down a rabbit hole of how fucked the whole concept of “secret societies” is. Why do we need them? Why not abolish them? Why do so few people receive recognition? Who said QD should have the power that they do? If we stop allowing them to have said power, then what happens? I’m not sure how to answer these questions. Part of me still desires to leave, but then I think about the spaces I occupy on this campus. For the most part, I’m the only one speaking on behalf of art, music, or co-ops in QD. I am glad I have a seat at the table, but it is exhausting to be the one speaking for communities I probably shouldn’t be speaking for because it’s not my place. Why fight for a seat at the table when we can make a bigger table? I have not been treated poorly by anyone I’ve met in QD. In fact, I’ve never met so many people with interests and passions different from my own. I would be delusional to say there isn’t value in that. Still, it’s hard for me to reconcile my personal beliefs with the work we’re doing on this campus and beyond. The legacy of our service has had a meaningful impact. It boils down to knowing when to commit to direct action as opposed to indirect or passive action. 25 | COLLECTIVE X
A recent project has included hanging up string lights to make Cornellians feel less depressed. We can do better. We have to. It pains me that more people can’t be involved, but once an organization like Quill & Dagger loses exclusivity, it’s no longer Quill & Dagger. It’s just a club, and virtually everyone at Cornell is in one of those. We wouldn’t want that to happen. As a senior I’m having an existential crisis on a weekly basis. I’ve added QD to the rotation. I yearn to make a difference in the way we function as a group, but I admit my presence in the space is a contradiction and hypocritical. Sometimes I don’t feel good, but it doesn’t mean the solution is removing myself. QD or otherwise, we can all use our seats at the table for much needed, long-awaited change. As long as we’re willing and aware, it doesn’t have to weigh so heavily on one’s conscience. We have enough weighing us down.
Life isn’t so black and white. There are gray areas. I encourage you to question the institution. These structures only have power if we give them power. That sounds abstract and pretentious, but the kinds of resources secret societies like QD have should be democratized. We all worked hard to be here, except for those of us who had Daddy buy a library. We have to start reclaiming what’s ours.
1
This information is available in Kroch Library. It has swastikas and natives are referred to as “indians” in its description of the society’s badge as well as in the construction of the War Memorial on West Campus. The QD history book states about our emblem: “Probably the dagger seemed to the designer of the new badge more effective when used; so he stuck it through the Indian’s head. Just as the average American was the victor over this ancient enemy, so the educated man will be the victor over all obstructive forces.”
2
What we need is more insititutional support, but that’s a talk for Martha.
issue no. 6 | 26
27 | collective x
FASHION FEATURE
maggie lejune
CX: Could you describe your outfit in this shoot? ML: I wanted to give princess-y vibes mixed with farm girl and Sailor Moon-y vibes with the boots. For my makeup, I used the Venus II Palette and Jeffrey Star’s Jawbreaker palette. I’m always on the hunt for bright blue pastels, and those two palettes are some of the few that have really pigmented ones. CX: What do you want people who view your outfits to feel? ML: I mostly just want to make them feel something, whether it's weird, or “wow, that’s interesting.” I dress for the mood that I’m in rather than try to construct a particular story. CX: Whose closet would be your dream closet? MJ: Drag queen Violet Chachki, or a fashion designer. CX: Who inspires your fashion? MJ: All the greats, like Alexander McQueen and John Goliano. I really love the makeup of old Dior especially. I also love the more conceptual looks of of Instagram personalities like Salvia (@salvjiia) and Fecal Matter (@matieresfecales) - they’re really crazy with prosthetics and photo edits which isn’t the most doable thing for day-to-day, but it’s incredible. CX: If money or any limitations weren’t an issue, how do you think you would style yourself and what kinds of places would you shop at? MJ: So many wigs if I could afford it! I would love to have different hair for every day of the week. Also, a ton of platform boots. [I would also buy] a lot of the stuff I see on Opening Ceremony. That store gives me inspiration for the directions I want to go with my clothes in general. I love vintage clothing and more custom work by designers like crazy old Gucci coats. I would definitely reach [them] for if money was not an issue.
ISSUE NO. 6 | 28
interviewed by Grace Tran // photographed by Norah Foley
Photographer: Leah Esh 29 | COLLECTIVE X
I was never the type of person to get too
invested in fantasizing. I figured I was only torturing myself by imagining things I couldn’t obtain, or ignoring the reality of what everything about my life was. I’ve always been one to accept the actuality of myself, and made the most of what I could with everything I didn’t like about what I defined as “me”. We are all forced to acknowledge the view of society at some point. Whether or not we believe them to be true, or use them to define ourselves, we are all subjected to what society has determined as “good” and “bad” in the realms of beauty, intelligence, accomplishments, and personality. In spite of this, I know I am not the only one who feels there are times in my life when I sense some part of me I have never exposed, some untapped portions of my inner being that I have always been too subconsciously reluctant to reveal.
issue no. 6 | 30
Perhaps it’s the way I look, or my socioeconomic background that
makes me feel as if I shouldn’t have the liberty to be as goofy, honest, confrontational, bitchy, or bitter as I know I really am. I know these short-lived colors of myself that subtly appear in my thoughts and empower my inner being only manifest in muted versions, and that pisses me off. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I became interested in exposing more of myself through trying substances harder than alcohol or weed. The thought of having limited control over my thoughts and actions excited me; I had never known what this “ semi-uncontrollable” part of myself was like, and I saw glimpses of it in close friends who were on “hard” drugs. There was something exciting about this unknown world, this new way of experiencing myself, something like a fantasy that was obtainable for me. The idea that different drugs could elicit different worlds, a different me, became so scary, yet enticing. My first trip felt like a series of phases, like different waves of uncontrollable laughter, pain, hilarity, understanding, and amusement all at the smallest things: I had no shame. Visuals hit me every hour, eliciting these emotions, and sending me through the most emotional day I had ever experienced. I didn’t feel out of control per se, I instead felt like all of my emotions and reactions were exposing themselves without shame or filter. It was the most liberating feeling. Visually, the world was like a dream; the places I knew were altered in such a subtle and interesting way. Walking through the woods was like traipsing a whole new world. The bark on the trees moved in a mystical and inviting way, and the leaves played with my depth perception. This became my new reality. My mind was racing; I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was going on, everything in my life that was, I questioned it all. That day was the closest thing I have every had to a “fantasy”. Other experiences I’ve had under some influence haven’t been so magical.
31 | COLLECTIVE X
To me, Molly is a potion that eliminates my emotional inhibitions,
making me more open, empathetic, and understanding. When I thought about trying it, I knew I wanted to not only because I wanted people to think I was a better person for a couple hours, but also because I wanted to experience my pure, empathetic self which is often muddled by pride and bitterness - gut reaction emotions rooted in past experiences of getting fucked over. I have had some of the most genuine moments of my life with Molly, and some of the most terrifying as well. Some of my experiences have allowed me to truly understand what it means to love someone, to feel my soul lift when I hear music, to feel unjudged while revealing myself. Others have given me the worst anxiety I have ever had in my life, made me feel like my brain was melting, and that momentarily, I was hopeless. Something that is at times so difficult to admit, and other times reassuring to remember, is that whatever you’re experiencing only lasts so long.
Every “fantasy” has a catch, it’s ephemeral.
Are we really trying to obtain some sort of fantasy version of ourselves when taking drugs, or are we trying to facilitate an experience that we can only achieve on drugs? Are we ever the true version of our own fantasy on drugs, or are we close enough for comfort? These are the questions I have asked myself, and continue to ask as I become more familiar with my colors. I don’t think that I am a better person on drugs. I am not trying to mimic a fantasy version of myself when I take drugs. I am trying to understand myself more and more by intentionally eliciting these muted parts of myself. This raises the question of what we define as ourselves and our ‘true self’. What is real, how we perceive ourselves, or we project ourselves? I don’t have the answer to this question, and as difficult as it is to hear, I don’t think there is one. Whether or not we are trying to fulfill some “fantasy” version of ourselves or our experiences by taking drugs, there must be some solace in the fact that it won’t last forever, otherwise it wouldn’t be a fantasy.
issue no. 6 | 32
CX: Do you have a lot of pieces in your closet that you mix around or do you have staple pieces that make up your fashion sense like minimalism? NS: Oh, I am definitely not minimalistic. I have like a lot of different pieces, I have a lot of statement pieces that I like mixing with my other looks that I am doing. This is one of the more minimalistic looks today. This is as minimal as I get. CX: Whose closet would be your dream closet? It could be a celebrity, friend, designer, or anyone else. else. NS: Rico Nasty. PERIODDTTTT. Have you seen her Instagram? It is EVERYTHING. Her style is very feminine and also androgynous, and also it has a lot of streetwear aspects, and its just very edgy. I just love the way she puts her style together. CX: Her face is so ethereal but her outfits are so edgy. NS: YES exactly. She also does not have one aesthetic that she sticks to and that’s what I like about her, but everything [she wears] feels very Rico Nasty, very on brand. I am very passionate about Rico Nasty.
FASHION FASHION FEATURE: FEATURE:
NOOR SHAKHEEL SHAKHEEL NOOR
33 | COLLECTIVE X
CX: Do you have a particular aesthetic that you describe yourself fitting into, or do you have an aesthetic that you admire and aspire to? NS: I used to, but like I don’t like the idea of putting my style or my fashion into a specific box, because a lot of the things that I own are just like super random. One day I will dress like a certain aesthetic and the next day a different one. Some days it’s like, e-girl and then another day it’s very indie girl, 2014 tumblr. Just a mess sometimes, maybe ‘Gay Disaster’. Probably actually, you know what just ‘Gay Disaster’...is probably what explains my style. CX: Do you have a favorite clothing item? This can be something that you wear very often or something that has sentimental value. Why is it your favorite? NS: I do actually, I have an earring that I kind of made myself, it’s like a charm off a necklace that I kind of turned into an earring. Its Arabic calligraphy that says Allah on it. Cause I was really into the dangly cross earring aesthetic but I was like ‘that’s not halal’ I’m a Muslim
girl you know, I gotta stick to my roots. I wear it all the time. CX: What is the most outlandish or fantastical thing that’s in your closet or that you wish was in your closet? NS: Oh, this is so hard. CX: Something you ask yourself, should I wear this in public? NS: I have so many things like that. Actually, the thing that I wore for this shoot. My jeans with the plastic window panes in them. I get so many different comments on it. It depends on how you style it. Some people are like ‘why??’ some people are into it, but they don’t know why they’re into it. I feel like a lot of things that I own are specific to me, I get that a lot, like “it looks good on you…” ∎ interviewed by LeiLani Lattimore photographed by Nicholas Rahim
issue no. 6 | 34
acknowledgements The e-board would like to thank everyone that made this issue possible. Thank you to the writers who provided the thematic foundation for the magazine’s content, to the models who brought these ideas to life, all the way up to the CX team who seemingly pulled a full fledged fashion magazine out of thin air. By “thin air,” we mean that they pulled it out they ass in the most elegant and dedicated way one can. Huge shout outs to Cayuga Lodge and Watermargin for opening their doors and letting our CX hooligans work their magic in their homes. Finally, we wish to thank the reader. Whether this is your first time picking up the mag or you’re a lifelong stan, the e-board is grateful for your willingness to engage with the work your peers put so much effort into. We hope you stick around to see what else we got up our sleeves.
Nicholas Rahim
35 | COLLECTIVE X
issue no. 6 | 36
THECOLLECTIVEXLIBERATION.COM @COLLECTIVEXCORNELL /COLLECTIVEXMAGAZINE