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editor’s note
Beginnings are ambivalent things. Transitioning from a comfortable past to an unfamiliar present can bring a plethora of emotions - from fear to anxiety, we have all been plagued with them during the evolving stages of our lives.
As an ode to The Collective's official beginning, as well as a new school year and season, its first issue's theme is NEW BEGINNINGS. Its pages are filled with photography, art and writing enwreathed in the various feelings that accompany change and its ambiguity. Developing the idea for The Collective was a process that was both strangely familiar and completely terrifying. Like any road that leads to a new beginning, it was filled with uncertainty and doubt. However, seeing one fleeting idea blossom into a proper issue proved something: that creating something is possible because of hard work, determination, passion, and collaboration. That being said, I’d like to thank the incredibly talented and creative people that gave this project a chance and spent the last, idyllic days of their summers writing, creating, and brainstorming ideas with me. It is an honor to feature the brilliance of their work in these pages.
zamiya akbar, editor-in-chief
table of contents autumn
5
new beginnings
9
daniella
13
handling school and anxiety
17
bliss at dawn
19
taha kay
21 27
cigarettes
healthy ways to cope with your problems, mental health, and bad habits
31
beginnings
33
contributors emma robertson aliya aleem sophie holden zamiya akbar sae peach taha kay
gaurie verma abdul lateef t. dania muhammad rusyda a. r. grace lee jamie c.
new beginnings A POEM BY ALIYA ALEEM
I. your shaking hands, the white pills and the voice in your brain. ii. another failure at a failed attempt, something that could have been better than the panic attack in the train bathroom, something uncertain yet the most certain thing there is. when the woman with the toddler yells at you to come out, you wonder about death, yet again. Iii. you feel yourself fade out of your life and watch the ghost girl take over, the one who swallows poison in the form of neglect and doesn’t know how to feel things. you rip the scabs before you’re done healing and you feel every fiber of your being becoming undone when your mother asks you to come back home. iv. your shaking hands, the cold metal and the boiling blood underneath your skin. v. the road to ruin is all you’ve ever known. at the age of five with your hands pressed against your ears to sixteen with your fists balled up and more adrenaline in your veins than blood itself to now, stumbling with your feet bleeding until you can’t walk anymore.
vi. for the first time ever, you can see a different path. it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but it’s fuzzy blue blankets and orbs of golden light and the soft, wet grass beneath your feet and even though there’s darkness every now and then, you can tell it’s not that bad. you take one step forward and two backwards. you close your eyes and wonder why you’re so afraid. vii. fear and pain and hurt are the abc’s of you. you’re scared of the bones and the ashes that could be lurking underneath. different scares you, new has always brought you pain, and hurt can never be bright. you open your eyes again and see yourself turning away from the path. you’re afraid again but for an entirely different reason. viii. your feet ache but you let the light guide you. you feel the darkness resisting but you turn away and hold on to the glow instead. little fireflies of love always stay by your side, never failing to remind you of the life you deserve. you look up and see the stars burning and somehow it lifts the weariness away and you’re finally on fire with determination to simply be.
IX. THERE’S THE MOMENT WHEN YOU CROSS THE LINE. YOU EXPECT IT TO BE SOMETHING LIFE-CHANGING, BUT YOU DON’T REALIZE YOU’VE SWITCHED PATHS UNTIL YOU FIND YOURSELF STILL SCARED OF THE UNFAMILIAR BUT ACCEPTING OF THE CHANGE ANYWAY. THAT’S
WHEN YOU KNOW IT’S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FROM HERE ONWARD. X. YOUR SHAKING HANDS, THE SPRING AROUND
YOU, AND THE BEAT OF YOUR HEART. MAYBE THIS ISN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL.
Daniella
Photographed by Sophie Holden Modeled by Daniella
HOW TO HANDLE
SCHOOL AND ANXIETY
There is no denying it – school can be incredibly difficult. The result of stressful schedules, sleepless nights, and rapidly changing relationships can at times be the cruel affliction known as anxiety. Anxiety is the feeling and condition that is all too familiar to students all around the world. Therefore, if you are someone struggling to manage school and feelings of panic, please know that you are not alone and you are not a burden for feeling this way. Below are ways to effectively handle your school life alongside anxiety.
Remember that panic and anxious feelings are temporary. Always remember that school and the chaotic, worryridden thoughts you are experiencing will not last—being optimistic and remembering that negativity will subside eventually will have a great effect on your anxious feelings. Get rid of toxic relationships that are destructive to your peace of mind. If a friend is harmful to your mental health and your relationship with them is not worth saving, then let them go. Staying away from people and situations that bring you nothing but pain and negativity are not worth keeping. You deserve more than that.
Take care of your health. Having a consistent, adequate sleeping schedule and eating from a diet filled with wholesome, nutritious foods and a minimal sugar intake will do wonders to your emotions, body, and focus levels. Feeling fresh and rejuvenated will lead to a clear, confident outlook and the energy to participate and effectively take your school life by the horns.
Plan your day and write down all the assignments and activities you have to complete. With the plethora of work that you may have to grapple with, it is easy to feel panicked. To avoid this, make notes of everything you need to do in your day-to-day life so you can complete them without the fear of forgetting any essential tasks. Moreover, do not procrastinate. Put your priorities first; this will help reduce further anxiety over lack of time.
written by zamiya akbar
BLISS AT DAWN BY SAE PEACH
Taha Kay is an 18-year-old artist and photographer currently based in Dubai, the UAE. He has participated in a number of exhibitions, including the prestigious Sharjah Art Foundation’s recent art showcase. His work often revolves around the evolving topics of beauty and surrealism. Today we chat with him about his beginnings in art, his inspirations, and his opinions on change. When did you start using photography and digital art as your main mediums of expression? I began taking close-ups at age 16, most commonly of flowers. I then progressed to creating collages of several photos put together, representing certain feelings, experiences and ideas I want to portray effectively.
Who are your favorite artists and photographers? I have several—Mehdi Lacoste, Marina Abramovic because of the powerful and inspiring concepts in her art, and RenÊ Magritte, who inspired my own work with his surrealist art.
What experiences have inspired you creatively? How do you incorporate them into your work? Growing up, I went through several traumatic experiences. To deal with them, I turned to art as a coping method. As a victim of bullying, my goal as an artist is to eliminate hatred and spread peace, and I believe that nobody deserves to be hated nor judged. As an example, I express the significance of inner beauty in my art by covering or replacing people's heads and faces with flowers, because what really beautifies us as human beings is what is inside us, not just our physical attributes.
TAHA BY GAURIE VERMA
How would you define your work's style? If I had to describe it, I’d say it consists of modern, nostalgic, and bizarre/surreal elements. What are some of your favorite places to shoot at? It really depends on the concept of the shoot, but I love shooting in places with plain backgrounds and experimenting with different props and lighting.
What are 3 things that never fail to inspire you? Nature, freedom of expression, and diversity are the three things that never fail to inspire me.
What equipment do you use? I use several gadgets for different aspects of my work. Some of them include my camera, my phone, and my iPad.
How did you start participating in exhibitions? I started attending art festivals and contacted a couple of galleries about featuring my work. Eventually, the first show I took part in was FN Designs’ “Art of Giving” group show, and I definitely wouldn't be where I am right now if that opportunity hadn't appeared. Most recently, what was the process of showcasing your work at Sharjah Art Foundation's art exhibition? It was actually quite simple—since I follow their Instagram page, I saw their open call for submissions and contacted them, eventually landing a spot in the show. How did it feel to see your work there? Since the Sharjah Art Foundation’s exhibition is extremely prestigious, I felt beyond honored and thankful to see my work there. What are your plans for the future? Creating and developing projects are some of my biggest passions, so in the future, I’m planning on studying architecture.
Does change scare you? Do you prefer having a consistent life or an inconsistent, adventurous one? I believe one should never be afraid of change, so no, change doesn't scare me. You should always allow yourself to try different things and learn from diverse perspectives, so I would prefer having an inconsistent, adventurous life as opposed to a consistent one. What is your advice for young people who are thinking of pursuing photography in the future? First and foremost, be yourself and keep doing what you are passionate about. Secondly, when you are delivering a message to an audience, do so without fear. Finally, do not hold yourself back in fear of rejection. Failure and rejection are a part of life, but you should never give up on your passion. Keep going, and success will reach you one day. Text by Zamiya Akbar
You can find more of Taha’s work on his Instagram, @ giovannis.storm, and on his website, giovannisstorm.wordpress.com
Model: Malaika
The Universe is Within Me SELF-LOVE AFTER SELF-HATE
BY TAHA KAY
Model: Cordelia
I USED TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYTHING AND ANYONE. SOMETIMES YOU DON’T MIND SUFFERING FOR SOMETHING YOU LOVE, EVEN WHEN ALL IT LEAVES YOU WITH IN THE BY ABDUL LATEEF T. END IS PAIN. I BEGAN WONDERING WHY I SO DRASTICALLY CHANGED MYSELF FOR SOMEONE WHO THREW NOTHING BUT ENDLESS EXCUSES MY WAY. I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE WAY THE SMOKE CALMED ME LIKE A HALCYON AMIDST A RAGING STORM. I
cigarettes
As a kid, if I accidentally stumbled upon a cigarette box, I would instantly run away from it. If my friends threw it to me as a joke, I would almost cry. I would ask my smoker relatives why they continued on with such a toxic habit when it clearly said on the cigarette box that “smoking was injurious to health”. I detested cigarettes even at a time when I had no knowledge that the word “detest” even existed. The thing about us humans is that we are a very complex species; among the other complicated characteristics embedded into us, we are incredibly stubborn and challenging. If someone were to tell us NOT to do something, we would suffer through sleepless nights overthinking about the causes and consequences – until we’d end up doing that exact thing. After that, it is either guilt or pride that overtakes us. In a shocking, unforeseen turn of events, when I was offered a cigarette at the age of 12, I suddenly went against my own ideals and accepted the offer. I pretended I was enjoying it just to fit in. However, it wasn’t long until I wasn’t just pretending anymore – I was actually enjoying it. Eventually, I built the rigid thought in my head that if I stopped smoking at that point in time, I’d die. Therefore, like an alluring siren hypnotizing a dazed sailor, my addiction controlled my life for two years.
At the time, countless teenagers around me were dating; it seemed like the normal, acceptable thing to do. In the midst of my friends having latenight phone calls and going through breakups, I found myself liking a certain someone from the opposite sex – and I was ready to do anything to win her heart. As the thought of being rejected began to hold a greater risk as compared to the danger associated with cigarettes, I decided to give up smoking for two years. Unfortunately, I fell back into my smoking habit towards the end of ninth grade to escape my other problems. I started becoming the kind of person who would fall in love with anyone and anything that gave me even a temporary sense of being loved – in the midst of the chaos ensuing in my mind and life, I found love in the way the smoke drifted into my lungs and calmed me like a Halcyon amidst a raging storm. Although the after-effects consisted of hunger and a lingering toxicity, I would return to smoking once again just for the momentary feeling of relaxation. This vicious cycle proved something to me: that sometimes, you don’t mind suffering for something you love, even when all it leaves you with in the end is pain.
During this period of my life, the girl I had set my sights on for so long finally fell for me. After an initial state of bliss and then an uncertain rockiness entering our relationship, eventually I began wondering why I so drastically changed myself for someone who threw nothing but endless excuses my way. After all, there were people who loved and appreciated me for who I really was – not the image I encapsulated. On the other hand, this girl I so desperately wanted to be with came to me only with empty promises and false reassurances; she promised me everything and ultimately left me with nothing. Gradually through the heartache that followed, I realized that the girl I loved was nothing more than a more literal version of the tobacco that I smoked.
Throughout these years, life has been filled with love, depression, anxiety, family problems, losing friends, ignoring school and its accompanying responsibilities, wealth, and popularity, among other materialistic things. During all the turmoil my life plunged into, there was one thing I was sure of – that there was something very wrong with my method of happiness. I was happy, but my heart echoed with emptiness. To forget about this strange uncertainty, I would do drugs, smoke all night until the sun made its ascent into the sky, and listen to the pulsating beats of my favorite music, but none of it worked. I was filled with the need to love and smoke and write for the suicidal, for the depressed, for the lonely; inside me there was a person who cared deeply for everything, but who was buried under the burning cigarette ashes of my addiction—and with the blinding ache of caring about everything around me, I forgot that I needed someone as well.
Slowly, I realized that the messy, blurred equations I created as answers to achieving happiness were all wrong. I struggled to make them right; I stayed up during moonlit nights thinking of the correct solution and questioned the people around me about it as well. Finally, the answer came to me: what I was missing in my life wasn’t a certain narcotic or person or item – rather, it was God. At long last, everything began falling into place until I almost couldn't believe the changes. I stopped my relationships with girls and focused on rebuilding my previously-broken relationship with my family. It was almost as if God was waiting for me all these years while I waited for other people and things. Furthermore, just like when I was a kid, I began detesting cigarettes again – but this time, I completely understood what it meant to “detest” something. It has been ten months since I touched a cigarette, simply because smoking isn’t my escape anymore – God is. I have finally realized that I find happiness not in cigarettes, but rather, on God’s beautiful path.
Healthy Ways to Cope with your Problems, Mental Health, and Bad Habits Text by Dania Muhammad Art by Rusyda A. R.
“The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than the habit.” –Bryant McGill In a scientific context, adolescence is the stage between childhood and adulthood; it is the product of rapid physical development and emotional changes. Furthermore, it is the era of changing relationships, confusing mood swings, and of harboring the vulnerable ache to fit in with everyone else. As a result, teenagers can often feel alone and use harmful habits to cope with their problems and the chaos brewing both inside and around them. These habits further jeopardize mental health and lead teenagers to avoid their problems by indulging in their vices instead of dealing with their problems head on. However, it is important to note that it is indeed possible to break destructive habits and take control of life once more by taking a few steps. Analyze the habit. When ponder ing why to abandon a habit, it is vital to consider the long-term effects of continuing to pursue it. Understanding the eventual physical and mental detriments of the habit will encourage you to abandon it completely. Take baby steps. The jour ney towar ds eliminating cataclysmic aspects of your life can be long and slow – and that’s okay! Creating small revolutions at one time, rather than suddenly throwing yourself into new practices, can allow you to better register and ease yourself into making effective changes in your life. Surround yourself with the right people. Sur rounding your self with good influences is crucial when trying to change your lifestyle for the better; as they will help you to avoid toxic situations and instead encourage you towards your goals. Do not be afraid of failure. The path to a new beginning may not always be the easiest. Hence, do not give up even when staring into the daunting face of failure, because there is always time to keep trying. With effort, gradually you will reach your ultimate goal of abandoning your bad habits and improving every facet of your life for a promising future. Seek professional help if required. If you find that dealing with your problems is easier with professional help, then do not feel ashamed or afraid of reaching out to trusted, trained adults. No matter the extent of your feelings of loneliness, you are never alone; there are people out there who can and will aid you during this period of your life. Hopefully, seeking help will lead you towards a path of hope and a brighter mindset. . You are precious. You are valued. You are needed. You are not going to carry this burden forever. May God keep you smiling.
GRACE LEE
storms used to ravage my heart as flesh-eating monsters crawled in my mind they were invisible, but oh, they seemed so real so nightmarish but it’s different now no doubts no pain no anguish or anxiety because i’m starting anew
BY JAMIE C.
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